₦airaland Forum

avicky: Lol. I learnt Ishi is ill at d moment. May God grant her quick recovery so she can unfold her escape frm rm 21.

ijebabe: Haha, legendprac is harmless. I think.

Carry on jor so that they'll be no more distractions

Ishilove: Yo, go to the dating/meetup section and continue your convo with Ijebabe. Order from the MOD. *straight* face

ijebabe: I really don't understand the type of people who would go through such lengths to find out his identity but again people can be weird. Just like you

About liking the same stories, I guess we both appreciate a good read when we come across one. There is nothing like beautifully strung words to turn me to the recluse I fear I have become. I blame the Ishiloves of this world

ijebabe: You google searched?? Lol, U have time. Her readers, orshould I speak for myself, understand this and I doubt anyone took the pains to google him.
You sound like a yahoo boy

Ishilove: Mr legendprac, I am aware of the complications that can arise from revealing too much about a serving political holder. That's why Honourable's name is not mentioned. As for Chairman,I don't know what your google search brought out but what ever it is, it is very wrong. He is no longer a public office holder, and besides, I changed one or two things about him so no one can ever find out who he is. Believe me when I say that.

brokoto: now you just gave the idea to us to google him too abeg stop scaring my sweetheart jo. i no like am o

Ishilove: The first thing I noticed about The Honourable was his teeth...so big, brown and shiny... Does anyone remember Donkey from the Shrek series? Honourable's teeth were by far more impressive than that of the famous cartoon character. I found myself staring at the teeth. . .

"Ajuwaya", Honourable hailed jovially

I forcefully tore my eyes away from all that teeth.

"Sir," I answered nervously. Who was this obviously important man? Why did he stop this impressive convoy for lil 'ol me?

"Are you going towards Akure?", he asked.

I bobbed my head rapidly. "Yes sir,Akure sir" I answered with great enthusiasm.

"Okay, let me drop you off corper", he said, and smiled.

I almost jerked involuntarily but caught myself just in time. My goodness, so much teeth!

He motioned for his PA(?) to help me with my bags. The grumpy man all but snatched the bags from my hands and went over to the boot. While all these were happening, other road users kept a cautious distance away from the convoy because in this country of ours, government convoys mean trouble. Passing motorists gave me curious glances and I must admit I felt a tad funky with all the attention I was getting

As I got in and sat down beside the Honourable, I heard Mr PA wreaking havoc on my grocery bag and awkward blue basket in the boot of the car. My hackles rose as I silently fumed: Hey watch it assshole, don't mess with the tomatoes!!! It better not burst and soak my gari because I can't come to Ondo market TWICE on top of gari matter o!!!!

More rustling and grating sounds...

Fool don't break the basket, I can't be having rat shiit in ma plates!!! .

I honestly don't know what they had kept back there in the boot that warranted this kind of manhandling of my innocent bags and basket

To my utmost relief, he didn't wrestle long with my bags. He shut the boot, motioned to the preceding cars in the convoy to start moving and re-entered the vehicle. I gave the back of his head a surreptitious glare from the top of my glasses before turning my attention back to the Honourable.

The Honourable was a very pleasant fellow and a lively conversationist. He asked me where I was serving and when I told him it was in Kind Comprehensive College, Wasimi, he asked me where in God's sunny Ondo Wasimi was located. I didn't blame him for asking. Even a lot of folks down yonder area didn't know where Wasimi was.

He introduced himself as Honourable so and so. I will not mention his name because he is still a serving officer in the Mimiko-led administration and he will go into an athsmatic fit if he should come across his name in a public forum such as this. However,I will mention that in addition to being a high ranking officer in the government, he is also a member of the Ondo states sports council. A very important one.

I must say I was very impressed. A humble "government pikin" like me sitting beside such an important personality and interacting with him, wow, wait till The Guys hear about this!

He told me that he picked me up because when he was a corp member, he vowed he would help corp members anywhere he came across them because of the wonderful treatment he was given by his host community. He served about twenty years ago in the old Rivers state (present day Bayelsa state). He said that even whenever he was able to make time out of his busy schedule to visit them, they still called him "corper", twenty years after!

Throughout the journey I couldn't relax because in the back of my mind's eye I could see that large, white, rusty welcome signboard looming ahead. I just wished this vehicle would zoom past the signboard and take me far away to more exciting climes. To pictureseque places where sunflies and goats didn't outnumber humans about a zillion to one.

If wishes were horses though, beggars would ride like thunder. . .

All too soon the journey came to an end.

When the convoy pulled up in front of the sign that said "Welcome to Wasimi, the place of rest", Honourable rolled down his window and sunlight instantly flooded the car's semi-dark interior. He leaned sideways and squinted out at the downward slopy road that led to the bush hamlet. He then turned to me and asked, " So this is where a pretty girl like you is holed up?? How are you coping?" I simply shrugged and answered, " what choice do I have?"

He shook his head in wonder and remarked that NYSC was no longer what it used to be. He thereafter asked for my phone number so that he could "occasionally check up on me". I hesitated, my recent experience with another politician still fresh in my mind. When he noticed my hesitation, he gave me one of his startlingly toothy grins and asked if I was scared. Since I didn't want to be rude to this very important man, I obliged him.

After I had successfully crossed the road to begin my downward descent into the dreary Land of Sunflies,Turkeys and Goats, I looked back once to stare at the receding vehicles. I was very sure I would never hear from my new, big toothed friend.

I couldn't have been more wrong. . .

Ishilove: "Goodday sir,Akure sir", I said woodenly to Chairman as he looked up inquiringly at me. When us corpers were asking for lifts, we went straight to the point. Chairman graciously opened the door despite my stony countenance and I got in. I didn't care if my demeanout put him off, I just wanted to get the hell out Wasimi, take a gaddem break before I found myself in "the market", as my brothers would put it.

Wasimi is about twenty-five minutes from Akure, and I was determined to maintain a stony silence till I got to my destination, because my nocturnal adventure had left a sour taste in my mouth in addition to leaving me with a bruised lip and aching shoulders. Chairman tried to put me at ease, regaling me with tales from his own youth service days. Chairman served in '73 or 75 (can't recall now). He said during his days, the government transported the prospective corp members from their home states by flight! After service, they were given car loans and civil service appointments. On hearing this unbelievable tale, I gradually forgot my troubles and started to relax.

Chairman was the inaugral local government chairman of Efon local government area where I served. I really don't know I'd I should be mentioning this. . .

Anyhow!

According to him, he and his cronies lobbied with the then military government for the creation of Efon Local government out of Ondo west,and as a result of his efforts, he was popularly elected into office during the 1999 elections, making him the pioneer chairman of Efon LGA.

While he was talking, I was wondering why his car was so modest considering the nature of Nigerian politicians. I then concluded that either he was lying, he was seriously 'coding', or he belonged to the almost non-existent class of honest Nigerian politicians.

During that short journey, he gave me a lot of scandalous and vexing inside scoop on the inner workings of Nigerian politics in general and Ondo politics in particular. I would have been greatly incensed at what I was hearing if I gave a flying fucck about politics, but since I don't give TWO flying fuccks about politics, I simply "oohed" and "harrumped" about the deplorable state of the nation and enjoyed the passing scenery.

I noticed that Chairman alternated his attention between the road and my face. People say I have a 'interesting' looking face,so I put his stares down to curiousity.

When I told him where I was headed, he offered to drive me beyond Akure, right to Owo garage where I could get a vehicle going to Ikare at a cheaper rate. Such a nice man. . .

When we got to Akure, he couldn't remember the route so we rigmaroled town a bit before we were finally able to locate Owo garage. Even when we got to the garage, he made sure I boarded a vehicle before he finally drove off, but not after collecting my number and promising to check up on me to know if I had gotten to my destination safely.

Such a nice man. . .

In a much lighter mood, I made my way to Ikare where I spent a most relaxing weekend with my friend. We stayed indoors like two old retirees, gisting, taking leisurely strolls and catching up on old times. A refreshing weekend in civilisation

Back in Wasimi three days later, on a Wednesday morning to be precise, my phone rang and surprise surprise, who do we have here?, Chairman! I was surprised because he hadn't called as he had promised and I had forgotten him as soon as I landed in Ikare-Akoko. He enquired after weekend vacation, my well being and the state of affairs in Wasimi. I responded in the positive to all his enquiries. He asked if I was free later in the afternoon,to which I also responded in the positive. He reminded me of his promise to take me out to savour the sights and sounds of ancient Ondo town, to which I, beginning to feel weighed down again, took him up on it. We agreed on a spot where he would pick me up and he rang off.

Glad that I would be having a change of environment so soon after my weekend trip, I looked forward to noonday. When it was time, I primped myself up for the outing, feeling light and gay. "Yes", rejoiced I within me,"another outing!". It was that bad. For a simple sight-seeing tour with an elderly gentleman to excite me that much just shows how starved I was for a change of scenery

With the sun shining brightly on my back,the gentle breeze subtly kissing my face, I walked jauntily past some youths who had gathered to watch a world cup match in front of the store next to my living quarters. I walked to the agreed spot and waited for Chairman to come pick me. I didn't have to wait long before chairman drove up. I walked up to the vehicle, got in, greeted my bushy browed, kindly faced elderly tour guide and settled down to enjoy the ride. Chairman put the vehicle in gear and drove off. Into a most unpleasantly memorable afternoon for the both of us


I will continue my tale after I have massaged my fingers, they cramp painfully