₦airaland Forum

These stories might not be his worst nightmare. Given the wayward activities of his wife, he might probably need to do DNA tests on all his kids, if legally possible, to be sure that he's their father before he spends his resources raising another man's children and it becomes too late for him to start all over having/raising kids of his own blood.

No matter the situation in a marriage, the choice to leave or stay should be exclusive to the two parties involved. Don't go advising anyone to get a divorce. No be you join them together. Make e no blame you tomorrow if him come regret the divorce later.

There is no hope. Nigeria is done: sold and disposed off. This is no longer a country but a contraption designed for thieves and fraudsters to siphon money and create ridiculous wealth for themselves and their families. Wealth that they never worked for and could never attain on the basis of their own skills.

They indebt the so called "country" by borrowing money with reckless abandon and then turn around to redirect the borrowed money into their personal accounts with impunity.

And it's all getting worse by the day. With every new government, the cost of living multiplies. The current administration broke every record in terms of raising the cost of living, tripling it overnight from where the previous administration raised it to, with bogus and empty policies, and there's no sign whatsoever that they have an idea of what they are doing or the capacity to bring anything good.

It's one thing to have good intentions, it's another thing to actually have the capacity and integrity to deliver.

The level of insensitivity they have towards the common masses is unbelievable. You see the President rolling into Lagos, with all the crazy traffic congestion that's facing it, with an entourage of close to 30 vehicles, if not more. What in the world is the explanation for that?

They're allocating tens of billions for renovating VP's residence, hundreds of billions for vehicles for National Assembly members, and list goes on.

How can there be hope in the midst of all this callouses and wickedness?

And they question the Japa trend.

As far as I am concerned, we don't have a country. We're simply a large collection of people held hostage by a small group of thieves and fraudsters who are collecting ransom on our heads.

May God have mercy on us!

Kobojunkie:
1. Misinterpretation of what Paul said? Please be very specific because I see a lot of accusations but nearly no substance to specify them exactly here.

2. No reference to the Kingdom of God? What do you mean by that? Was the letter to the Epistles not there addressing even those who supposedly belonged to the Kingdom of God — the born-agains — as opposed to those who have nothing to do with the Kingdom of God at all — the non-believers?

3. Jesus Christ said in His Gospel that the relationship between Himself and His Church — the believer— should not mirror the relationships that exist between them and others - Matthew 23 vs 8 - 10 & Matthew 6 vs 24 &.... (His followers are not allowed to serve any other masters or have any others as head over them.) This implies that the relationship His followers have that are of this world should not mirror the relationship that exists between them and Jesus Christ. So, the attempt in Ephesians 5 vs 22 - 33 to assert a correlation between Jesus Christ and His Church as an idea similar to that which is of this world is a direct violation of God's Law, Jesus Christ. Why do you refuse to see this?

4. Whatever reason you assume it is meant for, the fact is it is against Jesus Christ who emphatically proclaimed Himself the one and only Head over all those who believe in Him. So clearly,

◍ A woman having a husband as head, in addition to Jesus Christ, is a woman who does not belong to Jesus Christ.
◍ Consequently, a man who asserts himself as head over a woman, in addition to Jesus Christ, is a man who asserts himself as an additional master on par with Jesus Christ and that is against Jesus Christ.

Again, Jesus Christ and His teachings are what establish the Kingdom of God for those who are born-again. His teachings are not meant to be applied to any other country/nation but that. So, when you quote Him, the context automatically becomes the Kingdom of God and those who are supposed to be born-again — those who obey and those who reject included.

Please stop typing the long epistles because I pick the first few to respond to and if they are off then I take it there is no point to continue with the rest.

Dude, you're all over the place and talking out of point. Making correlations that are incoherent, putting up quotations that do nothing to explain your argument and drawing wild conclusions to the words of Christ. And you in no cognizant way show that you read my reply: feels like I'm pouring water over an egg.

How, and at what point, did any verse in Ephesians 5:22-32 talk about "The kingdom of God?"

Since you respond without reading, I have no further business with you in this conversation.

Have a blessed day!

Kobojunkie:
I will summarise for you and then you tell me how you were able to read and not see the following:

▦ What God declared in Matthew 23 vs 8 - 10, Luke 20 vs 34 = 36 & Genesis 3 v 16

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A. Jesus Christ alone is the Head(Master) over each man and each woman who belongs to Him in the Kingdom of God
B. Men and Women are equals in the Kingdom of God
C. There are no special rules that apply to married men and women in the Kingdom of God
D. Marriage has no place in the Kingdom of God as all our brothers and sisters in the eyes of God

▦ What the author of Ephesians 5 vs 22 - 33 instead states

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A. The husband of a woman and Jesus Christ are both heads over a wife
B. Man is not equal in the Kingdom of God
C. There are special rules that apply to married men and women in the Kingdom of God
D. Marriage holds a special status in the Kingdom of God.

What in the world are you talking about?

These are your own missinterpretation of what apostle Paul said and you quoting scripture that doesn't address the topic at hand

It is clear to me, from your interpretation that you probably didn't read the full length of my replies, especially the first one, before making your comments.

You are stuck on the words "head" and "submit" and you interpret them to mean that they are purposed to place the man above his wife so that he's superior to her in the kingdom of God, but there is no reference to the kingdom of God. Only an analogy using the relationship of Christ and the Church to explain the expected order in marriage.

Instructing that the husband is the head is meant to forestall any rancor in the marriage on who leads. You are the one bringing the kingdom of God into the discuss.

You also conveniently ignore the call to sacrifice, in that same Ephesians 5:22-31, that comes with the role of the husband as the head, to the point of "giving up himself" for her, which shows that it's not about superiority but about order and responsibility

If the order of who coordinates or leads in the union of two people isn't established from the very beginning, what would ensue would be chaos and disorder. All of which will eventually lead to the death of the union.

Let me ask you then.

If you are a practicing Christian, do you follow your pastor's instructions or follow his leadership in church?

If you do, does it then mean that he is superior to you in God's kingdom because you follow his lead?

Does it mean that all men are not equal in the Kingdom of God because your pastor is leading in church?

Does it mean that there are special rules that apply to pastors because they lead in church over the oordinary church members, in the kingdom of God?

Of course not.

Being head in the marriage doesn't mean that the husband is superior to the wife, the same way that a pastor being the leader in church doesn't mean that he is superior to the ordinary church members.

Why do you think we have a pastor in church who leads the congregation and every member submits to the authority placed on him to lead? For order and better coordination.

Why do you think that the first thing that God does when he has any project with the children of Israel , in the old testament, is to look for a leader. And all the children of Israel submit to him as leader? For order and better coordination.

Even Christ chose Peter out of all his disciples, to "feed his sheep," to ensure order and proper coordination among his disciples when he returns to the Father.

Do you think a vehicle with two drivers holding the same steering have a better chance of success than a vehicle with just one driver holding the steering and an assistant driver sitting beside him?

Do you think a kitchen with two Chefs coordinating the menu has a better chance of getting things done, better, quicker and more orderly than a kitchen with just one Chef and a Su-Chef helping him?

Do you think a football team with two team captains who both give instructions to their team mates would operate better as a team compared to a team with just one captain giving instructions on the pitch?

When the Bible says "and the two shall become one," what do you think the "one" means?

They become one body, right?

Have you ever seen a body of any kind, human or animal, that doesn't have a head?

Do you think a body without a head, or one that has two heads coordinating one body, has a better chance of success compared to the one that has only one head coordinating the body?

Do you think a marriage without a head has a better chance of success compared to the one that has a head?

These are analogies that should question your conclusions.

Two cooks, they say, spoil the brooks..

The instructions in Ephesians isn't about positions or superiority in God's kingdom but rather about order and better coordination in Christian marriages

If you're not a practicing Christian, then it means that we don't subscribe to the same authority and therefore, we have different ways of thinking, different ways of life, and different ways of going about the things of God, making this back and forth a futile exercise.

Kobojunkie:
Matthew 23 vs 8 through 10 for starters. And Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 which reaffirms God's judgment in Genesis 3 vs 16b.

I'll go ahead and line out the quotations you claim contradict Paul's teaching just to show that you are just making random assertions without having a clear understanding of the argument that you are making or a scripture that's valid to the argument:


1) Matthew 23 vs 8-10

"23:8 'You, however, must not allow yourselves to be called Rabbi, since you have only one Master, and you are all brothers.
23:9 You must call no one on earth your father, since you have only one Father, and he is in heaven.
23:10 Nor must you allow yourselves to be called teachers, for you have only one Teacher, the Christ."

The scripture you gave above is quoted out of context, and even as quoted, does not contradict the teaching of Paul nor does it say that you shouldn't follow what he teaches.

You first quotation comes after Jesus spoke to the crowd and to his disciples in verses 1 to 7 about the scribes and the Pharisees and their hypocrisy on the things that they want the people to do that they themselves aren't doing, and how they seek to be greeted and called Rabbi in the streets. And he told his listeners to do the things they (the saducees and Pharisees) teach but not what they do.

Where did Paul or any of the apostles ask to be called any of those titles? How does that quotation contradict Paul. It's one thing to teach according to God's instruction and revelation which Paul did, it's another thing entirely to want to be called "teacher" or any of those titles.

2) Luke 20 vs 34-36

20:34 Jesus replied, 'The children of this world take wives and husbands,
20:35 but those who are judged worthy of a place in the other world and in the resurrection from the dead do not marry
20:36 because they can no longer die, for they are the same as the angels, and being children of the resurrection they are children of God.


The 2nd scripture above that you quoted is completely out of context and out of point, as it talks about life after death, which is the resurrection. It just mentions wives and husbands, representing human relations on earth, and the resurrection, representing the relationship that exists after resurrection. It has no reference whatsoever as to how a husband and wife are to function in marriage, nor does it reference the events of Genesis 3 vs 16b that you claim it "reaffirms."

For clarity I'll also line out Genesis 3 vs 16 (a and b)

3:16 To the woman he said: I shall give you intense pain in childbearing, you will give birth to your children in pain. Your yearning will be for your husband, and he will dominate you

How do the two quotations even connect or relate?

You clearly have no valid or relevant scripture to back your claims. You're simply arguing from your feelings.

Kobojunkie:
The verses you quoted directly contradict the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ, the Gospel and Law in the Kingdom of God as presented by Jesus Christ, the one who is King and Law.

So, assuming Paul indeed wrote those words, then question is are his words Law onto you or is Jesus Christ Law because you cannot serve two masters in the Kingdom of God.

What teachings and what commandments of Christ are you referring to? You have to be specific. Quote the scripture, Gospel or law that you're talking about and explain how Paul's teaching contradicts it.

Kobojunkie:
So, Paul suggested it and so Christians glorify his opinions, is that it?

2. I am afraid this is nothing of what Paul in fact meant at all. He said nothing of respect or honor but simply submission. It is possible to submit without necessarily respecting a one and it is equally possible to respect a one without submitting, so aren't you putting words in Paul's mouth here, aside from misconstruing his opinion?

3. I am afraid there is no such thing as you have there in bold given that God never handed authority of the such to any husband. There is no scriptural background for this belief which you hold to there.

I don't understand what you mean by there is no scriptural background. The verses below from the book of Ephesians 5:22-25, is apostle Paul instructing the Church in Ephesus on how they're to conduct themselves in marriage in the same way as Christ is with the Church. (Christ is known as the Groom and the Church is His bride), all of which I expatiate on below

Ephesians 5:22-25 KJV
[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. [25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

The understanding of a word is usually based on context. The scripture I quoted didn't just say "submit" but makes reference to how she is to submit:" as unto the Lord.

He explains further by saying "for the husband is the HEAD of the wife AS CHRIST is the HEAD of the Church." And in verse 24 he gives more clarity on how she is to submit: "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Now how does the church submit to Christ.

The church submits to Christ as the head of the church by honouring him in everything we do, respecting him above anyone else and following his leadership in all things we do.

(Keep in mind that the context of the analogy on Christ's relationship with the church here, is Christ as the head of the church, not Christ as the son of God)

His reference to the husband as the head of the wife is a clear indication of authority being on the husband and where else does authority come from if not from God?

What other instructions for authority on the husband are you searching for?

What other scriptural background are you expecting.

A special ten commandments for marriage written with the finger of God and given to Moses?

A prophecy from Isaiah or Ezekiel on marriage?

Or is it a new politically correct prophecy that will be in line with the feminist's ideology, or with the opinion of the world?

What other scripture are you looking for to give you the structure or blue print for a Christian marriage other than the teachings of the New testament?

If you don't accept the teaching of St Paul as an authority in the Christian faith, what other Scripture are you waiting for as a Christian, i.e if you are a practicing Christian?

Christianity is a way of thinking which then makes it a way of life and its standards are not the same as that of the world. In the same way, and the word of God, in general, does not conform to the ways and thinking of the world, hence why it is not easily acceptable to the canal mind. This is why the teachings in that scripture is meant as a guide for practicing Christians

The Christian faith is not just built on the words and sacrifice of Christ, which is our foundation, but also on the teachings of his apostles who He called for that very purpose. These very teachings of apostle Paul and the other apostles guided the early Church in the Christian faith. The Church today considers them to be scripture.

Every scripture you see in the Bible is one of three things: a prophecy from God, stories of the acts of heroic men of faith or the teachings of someone who we believe hears from, or receives instructions from God. The apostles didn't operate like the prophets of the old testament but they still heard from God and received instructions from Him with which they used to guide and instruct the followers of Christ on the will of God.

This why the new Covenant that we practice as Christians is according to the four Gospels, the Acts of the Apostles, and their teachings and revelations through their apostolic letters known as epistles. These are the materials which guides the Christian faith and which we consider as scripture, and they are found in the New Testament.

If the teachings of apostle Paul in the Bible, which is according to the Gospel of Christ, isn't scripture to you, and you don't see it as profitable to instruct and guide you as a Christian, then I don't know what else will be.

Shalom!

kkins25:
I've been thinking about this alot, and can't seem to understand what "submission" means.

What does it mean for a wife to submit to me? Also, can women provide what "to submit" means to them?

Is submitting to a man similar to submitting to God in the sense that man has the last and final say? Does this mean, the man's will should supersede that of the woman? Does submitting mean, taking care of? Please, explain it to me like I'm a dumb 5 year old.

The concept of a wife submitting to her husband comes from the Bible, specifically Ephesians 5 from verse 22, and the subsequent verses that follow through to verse 33, further elaborate on the dynamics of it.

Outside of Christianity, it might be misunderstood and therefore abused by some men or rejected by some women, especially the feminists.

Now, the verse in that scripture says "wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." The word submit here means to honour and respect her husband and recognise the authority of God upon him to lead the marriage (i.e. as to the Lord). What she submits to is the authority of God on the husband to lead not his canal self. What that "submit.. as to the Lord" would look like would be the honour and respect that most women in church show to their pastors. That is exactly how they ought to treat their husbands at home at all times and in everything. It therefore means that the husband leads and coordinates the marriage while the wife supports and follows his leadership, not as a slave or servant, but as a team mate following the lead of her team captain.

A good team leader would involve his team mate in the decision making, in order to get their input and carry them along. It's a leadership of love not a leadership of superiority. Him having the authority to lead doesn't mean that he's better than her or smarter than her or that she has no say or that his will supersedes hers. Her submitting means that she trusts him to make decisions that are in their best interest when the need arises, so there shouldn't even be a scuffle on who has the last say, if she truly submits to his leadership.

So, in order for this to work a man should make sure that the woman he is courting to marry understands this concept and freely and wholeheartedly accepts it, or else that marriage would be a chaotic one. You don't marry someone who this concept is alien to, or who doesn't accept it, e.g a feminist, and then expect her to follow accordingly. What would ensue will be chaos. This is one major reason why a lot of marriages are collapsing because the two persons involved are operating with different understandings of roles in marriage.

The word submit, as used in the Bible, can sometimes be misconstrued to mean "be in submission" or "become submissive, hence the reason why some men abuse that authority and end up maltreating their wives because of such negative understanding of the concept. Someone in submission means that they have been defeated and surrendered while someone who is submissive implies that they take on the characteristics of a slave or servant. A man's wife is not his slave or servant but his team mate and he is the team leader.

Now there's another side to this instruction which is this time directed to the husbands and it says: "husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her." Meaning that a man is expected give his wife a kind of love that is sacrificial in nature. This comes in the form of doing everything in his power and reach to make sure that he protects and provides for her (and the children he has with her).

This is why in marriage, a man needs respect and a woman needs to be showered with love.

galileo180:
Your honest and sincere opinions are highly needed on this.

My brother is about to get married on Sunday and just today, the girlfriend has been threatening to call off the marriage over a little issue. The issue being my brothers' refusal to travel back to our village with her since he needs to be at work on Tuesday, his reason being that there is no movement on Mondays and he is a Banker and needs to be present to open Vault on Tuesday.

Please in your sincere opinion, is my brother wrong and is it a good reason for the girl to threaten him with calling off the event.

Mods please help a brother, please push to front-page as it needs urgent attention.

Two questions:

1) Did they plan and agree to travel together to the village after their wedding?

If they planned to travel and he later brought up his work as an excuse not to travel with her, then he would be in the wrong.

2) Did your brother communicate to her before now that he would be going back to work on Tuesday after their wedding on Sunday and why?

If he did tell her beforehand and she said she understood but later refused to cooperate, then she would be in the wrong. But if your brother didn't tell her beforehand, and get her to understand and agree to it, then he would be the one in great wrong.

It's not just a "little issue," especially if he didn't communicate properly beforehand, because it shows a big red flag called "lack of communication, " and another one known as "disregard," both of which have led to divorce in so many marriages.

If he did communicate and she agreed, to it but later changed her mind then that would be a serious red flag of "uncooperativeness," "selfishness," and "lack of understanding"

Nb: All of these travel plans and work responsibility issues should have been put into consideration in choosing a wedding date while planning the wedding or wasn't there any wedding planning?

Did they just wake up on Thursday and say "let's get married on Sunday?"

There isn't much that can be given now that would be useful advice in this case because the wedding is less than 24 hours away.

If he backtracks and does as she demands, it could set the tone in their marriage that she could get him to do what she wants by threatening to leave whenever things don't go her way.

If he insists and ignores her complaint, she could go on and call off the wedding like she threatened. And even if she doesn't, it will still create an unnecessary bad blood situation for a newly wedded couple. It's more like a catch 22 situation.

Marriage is a lifetime journey and the vision of the marriage lies with the husband, not the wife. Only go on that journey with a woman who agrees with and fits into your vision and plan, brings you peace, respects you and is willing to adjust to your schedule, especially if you are the bread winner. Anything other than that will make marriage and life miserable for the man.

Kobojunkie:
Even though Jesus Christ made it clear that marriages are not of His Kingdom, but of this world, they continue to install themselves as marriage counselors in the name of God.

Marriage was in place before the curse showed up so equality in marriage is not against God but as God created it to be.

After the curse came in however, woman was cursed, condemned by God to be ruled over by man and perish in the end - cease to exist / return to dust when she dies!

However, through Jesus Christ all who believe in Him, including women, are saved from this condemning curse(all those who live under the curse perish much like Adam), and are made equal members of the Kingdom of God.

Sadly, your Mogs have no knowledge of this and so continue to preach lies as sermons in the name of God.

This is going to be long so I urge the reader's patience.

The problem most people have with such posts as Pastor Faith's is in their own preconceived notion on what they think the person is talking about. They therefore, like in your case, end up responding out of cocontext: Kobojunkie, your reply to her post is completely out of context

Before that I'll quickly address this: you outlined that "Jesus Christ made it clear that marriages are not of His Kingdom," (though without scriptural reference) so I can assume that you have some affiliation to Christianity, so you should support such strong assertions on what Christ supposedly said with scripture, else we can assume you're making it up; and such scripture should correctly address the point in question, in the right context (not just some random unconnected quote).

Now to clarify Pastor Faith Oyededo's post:

Her post, I believe, is not trying to declare a husband's superiority over his wife or in regards to the curse in the old testament, but rather is a paraphrased reference of Ephesians 5:22-24 (you should read it before continuing) in response to feminist's misguided incursions into christian marriage, where they question the role and position of the husband as head of the wife in marriage.

She is not saying "don't question your husband," as some of the misguided responses that I have read on the thread assumed, rather it is that you don't question the husband's position as head because then you would be questioning God's wisdom.

Note that this scripture Ephesians 5:22-24, is not talking about superiority or lordship of the husband over the wife, as is often misconstrued by so many, including Pastors and teachers of the word, but rather on the position of the husband as head in the body of marriage: you can see the direct reference and comparison to the body of Christ, not to the kingdom of God. The husband leading or coordinating their marriage has nothing to do with equality

The body of marriage consists of two individuals: the husband and the wife. With the role of head assigned to the husband, he can only be head of two of them. Since he is himself, he can therefore, only be the head of the wife.

The position of the husband as head is not that of a King or ruler but that of a coordinating centre just like the head is the coordinating centre of the body. In every system or institution that God creates, he always puts a coordinating figure to coordinate/lead. Even before Christ ascended, he assigned Peter to coordinate his sheep which is his body, the Church. That's why we have church unit coordinators, Pastors and Bishops, representing Christ as head, leading various units of the body of Christ as cells units, Church branches and denominations.

Marriage/family is the smallest unit of the body of Christ and is hence, subject to His system of coordinating His creation.

You submit to the leadership of your Pastor in church because you recognize the authority of God upon him to lead his Church yet refuse to recognize the authority of God on the husband to lead in marriage just because there's two of you? If your church was made of only you and your Pastor wouldn't you submit to his leadership.

When the scripture says that a wife should submit to her husband, it is not asking a wife to become her husband's slave, submitting to all his whims and caprice, but rather to submit to his role to lead and coordinate their marriage and family. This is the understanding that is lacking in most marriages. And this has nothing to do with the curse in the old testament. It also has nothing to do with equality or inequality as none is superior or inferior to the other in marriage. It's a matter of coordination and leadership.

Without a recognized head or coordinating center, marriages would crumble easily. What you would have would be a cohabitation arrangement, not marriage.

In a nutshell, marriage is more about roles and functions than it is about equality or inequality.

A wife trying to contend with her husband on who leads their marriage is as dumb as a husband contending with the wife on which one of them has the role of child bearing.

If you're going into marriage to go and contest the role of the head, please don't: marriage is not for such a person

A football team of 11 players who are, in a sense, team mates, still have a leader or captain from amongst them who coordinates his mates. The instruction of their coach would be that they all submit to the leadership of the captain of the team on the field of play.

The instruction in the scripture is that wives submit to their husbands as to the Lord (Ephesians 6:22)

A true Christian would accept the thinking of the scriptures as his/hers

Have a blessed day!

DanielAlhassan:
How will you feel if you find out the girl you are in love with who also claim to love you back is pregnant for another person
Your opinion is highly welcome
No insult
Asking for a friend who is about to commit suicide
Please advice him
He is reading your comments

The urge to call that your "friend" stupid, dumb and an idiot is strong, but I'll restrain myself.

A sarcastic but true response that I'll give him is that he can go ahead if his goal is to help nature remove the weak stock from among men and eliminate the competition for other men if he stayed around; or if the purpose of his life was to be somebody's boyfriend and all the over 2 billion women/girls in the world have disappeared from the surface of the earth, and he's all alone on a vast desert land in Afghanistan where the Taliban soldiers are forcing him to sleep with men in place of women.

To answer your question,"how would one feel?" As a normal human being, one would feel hurt and betrayed, but never suicidal.

Is your "friend" alien to human behaviour?

My father taught me to never trust anyone whether in business or relationship, or it can cost one his head or heart: he said "you can afford people the benefit of the doubt, but not your complete trust." So when they mess up, you're already mentally prepared, and it doesn't break you. Your "friend" should consider this experience as his "101 in human behaviour lesson," learn from it, and move on with his life.

A few more guiding advice for young men out there: -

1. Do not surrender your dignity to any woman, least of all your life.
2. Never let your passion for any woman control you (snap out of it!)
3. Never do anything out of injured pride. (especially something dumb and stupid like suicide)
4. Never make the same mistake twice, especially in relationships
5. It's okay to be attracted by beauty, but make sure that character is what keeps you.
6. No matter how far you've gone or how much you've committed in a relationship, especially where you're not married, and you see a red flag like infidelity or emotional/physical violence, WALK AWAY: it might hurt for a while but trust me, with time, you'll be alright.
7. Only fools fall in love and expect their lust-guided love to keep their relationship.
7b. The love that works in relationships is the one you grow into because it comes with mutual respect and understanding.
8. Every day that you wake up is another opportunity to correct your mistakes or restart your life in a different/better direction with more wisdom, especially from your bad experiences.

Last words: committing suicide is a very dumb idea.
Go find yourself a better girl: that's an idea worth a try.

To this "friend": Stay strong and best of luck in your future relationship!

Naija smart fire! It always knows where the finance and accounts departments are in government Secretariats in Nigeria. This is the new normal.

Once there was a jungle called a Nigeria!

My response is going to be long so you should be patient to read to the end like I did yours. I'll first talk about the best process take to marriage, before addressing your issue specifically

The idea of marriage is one that has been highly misunderstood, leading to abundance of errors and missteps. A lot of men are in bad marriages today simply because they failed in processes leading to marriage

Marriage is about grooming yourself to be the right person to play a particular role (husband &father) in marriage and finding the right person who is willing and able to play the other role (wife &mother) along with you in marriage. Someone who comes as an asset, not a liability. Someone who understands you and who you also understand. Someone who would be glad to have you help them with their shortcomings and who you would be willing to have help you with your own shortcomings

Marriage involves playing of roles and carrying out of functions by the individuals involved and compatibly, in terms of temperament, and tolerance, in terms of shortcomings are key issues. Without putting these into consideration in the beginning of the process of finding a mate, disaster becomes very likely

When you make a decision to get married as a man, your first step should be to pray consistently about it to God to connect you to your own true wife and give you the wisdom to recognize her when you meet her.

Your next step would be to describe to yourself, if possible in writing, the kind of woman that you're looking for to play the part of your wife in your marriage, in terms of personality, character, emotional and psychological balance, fidelity, femininity, faith, hospitality, tolerance, humility, godliness, etc: you describe the ideal person (realistically) who you will be comfortable to live with FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (and without any regrets or unforgivable/unforgettable bad memories): You have to keep in mind that the decision you make will live with you for the rest of your life. It can make or mar you.

The idea is not that you're looking for a woman who is perfect in all things or who ticks ALL the boxes, (cos truthfully, no one can). You're looking to find the one who ticks the most boxes of your list 70%-80%: someone always does.

The reason you do this beforehand is so that your mind is programmed to identify these characteristics in the woman you're looking for, so you don't just fall for anyone. When you meet such a woman, you then get to court her or spend time with her (couple of months or more) to get to know how consistent she is with those characteristics. The truth is you need a list to guide you cos when you don't know what you're looking for or where you're going to, you'll never be able to recognize it when you see it or get there.

Fact is, you shouldn't even be in a relationship with a woman who falls short of the basics or most important aspects of your list, to begin with, cos then, having led her on for a long time, you'll feel guilty leaving her for someone else in the end, and as you can see from your experience, it's not that easy

Being a grown up man means learning to make life decisions on the things that affect you the most, based on what best suits you first before any other person. In marriage, your expectations and needs come first before that of parents, siblings or society, as regards your choice of mate cos they're not the ones who would live with this person on a day to day basis. You are the one to face the challenges that come with it. Take this analogy: when you measure for clothes, the tailor takes measurements and sews according your own personal physical attributes and tastes, not according to your family's, or society's general measurement. So also in marriage.

I'm not saying that they shouldn't be taken into consideration, no! Just that their needs, in this regard, shouldn't be top of your list. And you shouldn't introduce someone who has not crossed the threshold of your list to your family in the first place cos it would be harder for you to break things off after your family has warmed up to her.

Having said all this, I'll address your case specifically, first, with this Japanese proverb that says: No matter how far you've gone on the wrong road, turn back!

The question now is are you presently on the wrong road in terms of your current fiancée, or not. One way to find out is to make a list of the things you would like to experience with your wife and compare it what you're experiencing with her at the moment. Does she fit the mould up to 70% or more? Secondly, are there any resentments you have towards her that have refused to go away? Can these resentments be taken care of before marriage? Does she forgive easily? Can you trust her to be faithful? If your answer to these questions are no, especially the first and last questions, then you know that you're most likely on the wrong road.

Remember, there is no miracle that happens at the altar (or court house) during marriage that transforms that person you're marrying into a better version of themselves. If they have bad qualities going up to the altar, they'll come back still with those same attributes: there's no miraculous transformation of personality that takes place.


Concerning the other girl that your mind is hung up on I'll drop this portion of scripture from one of the extra books of the Bible - Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 7:19 and it says

"Don't miss your chance to marry a wise and good woman"

Having said that, I would also add that all that glitters isn't gold. Before making any rash decisions, do your homework about this other girl, if you eventually decide to go for her, or any other girl for that matter that you might consider for marriage and see how much they fit your list and how consistent they are to those characteristics

The point of all my long write-up is that, in this case of marriage, you do what's good for you. Not anybody else.


I'll admit you're in a very tough place right now and making such a decision isn't going to be easy but I pray God gives you the wisdom to come out better for it in the end.

Best of luck and God's grace!

Why do young men keep making the same mistakes that they've seen other men make over and over

Marriage proposal is not something to be taken lightly. It's not a decision you take simply because "the girl is fine" or because you're sexually attracted to her, or because she likes you. It is a conclusion that you reach as a man, aside from physical attraction, after keen/thorough observations of her personality, temperament, life style, family background, friends/association, & high maintenance capacity; e.g. you need to experience at least one birthday celebration of hers (or a Valentine period together) to give you a practical experience of how high maintenance she may or may not be before you ever propose.

Never let physical attraction blind you to the more important aspects of the person you're looking to marry because those other things are the things that can either make a marriage work or fail: they determine whether you're going into a marriage or into hell

Street wisdom &common sense should tell you at this point that her "yes" to your proposal is most likely that she's taking advantage of your proposal to get someone to lavish her with gifts on her birthday, and girls like her are not worried about the sincerity of their "yes" as long as it gets you to buy them all they desire. For someone who waited that long before giving you an answer, & it had to coincide with her birthday in a few days, don't be surprised if in a few weeks after her birthday has come and gone, and you've spent heaven and earth on her birthday, she suddenly informs you that she doesn't want to marry you anymore: after all, there's no law that says she must just because she said yes to a proposal. Even if that's not the case, you'd be stuck with a wife who is high maintenance and a constant leak on your purse

Whatever you decide to do, I can only wish you the best of luck, cos bro, you'll be needing plenty of it.

It's a pitiful situation with data in Nigeria. You can't trust these networks, especially, MTN and Airtel to be fair. Wherever you find one of their services manageable, there's always some other area where they're being dubious or fraudulent, and given that they hardly respond responsibly to complaints, there's little one can do about it other than find a way, by oneself around their fraudulent practices. If you've not noticed, Nigerians can shout from now till tomorrow and these networks won't do a thing about it. And the NCC that is supposed to regulate their activities is so dormant and useless to save subscribers from all these fraudulent practices by these networks. The best option is to resort to self help

There are a couple of personal actions you can take to avoid falling victim going forward.

1. You can get another MTN SIM card that you'll dedicate just for Night browsing. You can either add it as a second SIM or just switch the SIMs at Night if the 2nd SIM spot is already occupied

2. A 2nd option is that you can go for the Airtel trybe night plan, if you already have an Airtel SIM (or get one, if you don't already have). Dial *312# for the Airtel Trybe plan and follow the prompt to switch to Trybe. To subscribe just dial *312# also and follow the prompt to get 250MB for N25. They don't seem to have an option to subscribe once for 500MB but you can subscribe again after you exhaust the 1st 250MB to make it 500MB.

The good thing about Airtel night plan is that the plan only expires after 24hrs i.e. if you subscribe by e.g. 2am, and could not finish the data before 5am, the remaining data would still be available from 12am the next night until 2am or when you finally exhaust it: whichever comes first.

Unlike MTN, Airtel doesn't simultaneously deduct your data if you have a normal data plan and also subscribe for a night plan; they automatically suspend your main data plan until you exhaust your night subscription.

The downside to Airtel is that their network service can disappoint, if you're not in a favourable location


Whichever option you choose to go for, I'll advice you get a smaller phone, or some other device, with hotspot capacity and put the night data SIM there permanently, and you simply turn it on at Night whenever you need to do night browsing, turn off your cellular data and browse via WiFi, that way you don't have to be opening your main phone to switch SIM cards every time you need to do night browsing.

I hope this helps

Best of Luck!

This is a very easy decision to make: go for the N5 million. Reason:

1. It would take 4yrs and 2 months for him to earn that N5 million on a N100k/month job

2. There's the possibility of things going south with his employers and he loses the job in just a yr or two

3. He could still get another job somewhere else even with lesser pay, after having collected the N5 million, and still be in much more gain

4. He could plan properly and come up with a biz that he can scale up and help him be his own boss

5. The employer could end up changing his mind about the offer somewhere down the line, even before he has worked with them for up to a yr, you never know

Taking the money, for me, remains the best option but the decision is his to make

Best of luck with your choice!

galaxiesss:
Can someone clarify the Medical form of Chloroquine ? Is the Chloroquine Phosphate that is used to treats Malaria he fish tank washing Chloroquine ? I know of a Chloroquine that has nothing to do with tank washing made by Vitabiotics , Besides how about Quinine ....Dr.Vladimir Talks about Chloroquine Phosphate .

WARNING: Chloroquine phosphate is NOT a medication drug for human use. It is not the same as the Chloroquine/Hydroxychloroquine used in malaria treatment. Chloroquine phosphate is used in fish tank treatment, NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION!

See attached image

noblealuu:
I seriously frowned at FDA when they kicked against the use of ChloroQUEEN phosphate citing clinical trials as a reason. Let's choose a necessary evil to save lives and after which treat the side effects that might likely follow suite.

Good news here!

Correction: You're mixing up the name of the actual chloroquine in question. The drug(s) being touted by Trump for COVID-19 treatment is medication Chloroquine/Hydroxychloroquine, used in malaria treatment, NOT Chloroquine phosphate!

Chloroquine phosphate is not a medication chloroquine: it is a TOXIC ingredient used in fish tank treatment and as such, not for human consumption: don't be confused by it's chloroquine constituent.

Stay safe!

frog12:
nonsense. na sharia and traditonal law dey follow. you want constitution for emirs?? do what india did, abolish all traditional rulers

The height of ignorance and stark illiteracy!
No other response necessary!

sapientia:
Sanusi wants to eat his cake and have it.

He was expecting to die an Emir without knowing this will happen.

Ganduje's action is a big blow to traditional institutions but this Sanusi's suit will bury everything.

Some things comes naturally when staff of office is taken away from a king either voluntarily or force.

His banishment was to protect the Emirate but this his suit will finally show that an Emir is a common man.

This issue should have been settled after few weeks with just diplomacy after all, Dangote always plead on his behalf.

But what do I know.

Edited. All these clowns quoting me, Sanusi knows all these will be possible if he were ever dethroned. He never knew it will visit him.

While I dont support how was treated, he should accept it in good fate same way he collected the Emirship.

The issue before the courts, in this case, is not about the throne or how Sanusi disrespected the Governor but about his fundamental human right (note: disrespecting the Governor is not a crime anywhere in our laws).

No one, not even the President of the country, has the constitutional authority to banish and limit the movement of any Nigerian, no matter how highly or lowly placed in the society, from one state to another for whatever reason, using State security forces. Even a criminal who was caught red handed still has his/her day in court before being committed to prison time.

True that the constitution empowers the Governor to enthrone or dethrone traditional rulers but it does not grant them or anyone else the power to banish, relocate and limit their movement under the guise of traditional custom. The constitution is superior to any tradition or custom, and it's dictates on human rights prevail over any traditional demands.

If tradition where to be dominant then the Governor should be subject to the Emir but that is not the case. They can't follow the constitution on one hand and discard it when it doesn't suit them.

The truth of the matter is that the Emirate, like any other traditional kingdom in Nigeria, is of little or no significance to the Constitution hence, the fringy mention and peripheral role assigned to them in the constitution. On the other hand, upholding of fundamental human rights of every Nigerian is of pivotal importance in the constitution. The whole exercise of banishment, relocation and limitation of movement of Sanusi by all the parties involved is an institutional abuse of his fundamental human rights, and as such the entire exercise is null and void before the law.

If Sanusi's lawyers play their cards right, and the judges act independently, then this case should be an easy win for them cos no part of the Constitution empowers the Governor or the security forces to do what they did to Sanusi.

Anyone supporting Sanusi's banishment under whatever argument is either illiterate or starkly ignorant of the law and should get some civic education to help his/her life: no offense intended.

Note: this response is not about Sanusi's dethronement but about the abuse of his fundamental human rights by the very institutions that should uphold them

emkz:
That the Republican party dominates the US Senate does not mean he won't be impeached.

Donald Trump has locked horns with almost everyone, including a sixteen year old climate activist. He doesn't take advise, he has destroyed many careers because he is very impulsive. Many capable hands have left his government. He is too volatile and his buffoonery is quite unique.

I am sure the old foxes like Senator Mitch McConnell would have been tired of him but won't publicly admit it, because Trump is now a political liability. This impeachment, whether ratified by the US Senate or not, would impact on the Republican party in the next elections. Many risk losing their seats if Trump is acquitted. I suspect some disenchanted Republicans may ask for a secret ballot so no one knows who voted for what. And in the not so unlikely event that that happens, the impeachment would be ratified.

I Love the enthusiasm in your analysis but dear friend it shows you've not been following the House Democrat majority vs Senate Republican majority politics for the past three yrs. As it stands right now, the two leading Republican Senators, Sen McConnell (Majority Leader) and Sen Lindsey Graham (Judiciary committee Chair), who both have strong influence on their Republican colleagues in the Senate as well as have control over the direction and process of the trial, have both asserted that the impeachment case by the Dems is frayed with bias, lack of due process for the President and partisan intents by the Dems. Insisting it would be dismissed at the trial. Meaning it might not even get to voting for or against removal from office. McConnell has already indicated that the Trump would be acquitted amidst a quick trial, if any at all. He has already denied the Dems minority leader, Sen Schummer's request to allow the Dems more witnesses in the Senate trial. Going by the composition of the US Senate (Republican majority) and the strict requirement of a 2/3rd majority for conviction, and also the flimsy, open ended articles of impeachment which have little or no no constitutional bearing, Trump's acquittal at the Senate trial is almost set in stone. You can visit the twitter handles of both Senators and checkout their timelines: it's all there.

The Democrats, in their hurry to impeach Trump before Christmas, failed to bolster their case with irrefutable evidence from 1st hand sources, thereby, presenting a case that can easily be defeated at the Senate. Making it easy for the Republican led Senate to easily dismiss it. The impeachment survived the House because it only required a simple majority. That can't happen at the Senate where a 2/3rd majority must be achieved for removal from office to occur. In it's absence, acquital.

As for the Republicans in the Senate who have an issue with Trump, there are just two or three of them. Even if all the Dems in the Senate vote for removal they'd still require at least 20 Republican Senators to break ranks with their party: those three won't be enough, that is if they do vote at all against their party line. Given the partisan and biased process carried out by the Dems in the House, the possibility of any Republican doing so has gone from slim to none

So, you see, a lot of the excitement in your analysis is just wishful thinking in the absence of reality

Stay blessed!

Find a few screenshots of the aforementioned Senators' Tweeter timelines attached, just in case you're too busy to check it yourself.

Generally, when it comes to issues of whether to break off or continue with a relationship I personally don't like to get involved but the obvious red flags that are all over the relationship you described cannot be ignored

The purpose of courtship or dating before marriage is in order for the individuals involved to get to know each other before committing to a lifetime journey together.

The question you should ask yourself is this: can I live with or bear the kind of actions and reactions that I'm experiencing with this person for the rest of my life? If your answer is no, then it doesn't matter how much he claims to, or you believe that he loves you to a fault, do yourself the favour that only you can do for yourself: find a way to gently and amicably break it off with him. Genuine love is not dominating, possessive or aggressive

You see, people who are possessive in relationships like the man you described are wired that way by their own family experiences, damaged upbringing and flawed understanding of marriage. The capacity for change in such persons is almost non existent. It can only get worse. If at a time when he's expected to be at his best behaviour in your relationship with him, he is this aggressive, possessive, emotionally violent and is unable to contain his outbursts, jealousy and insecurity, what makes you think he'll start making the effort to change for good after marriage?

Marriage does not take away such bad traits, on the contrary, it gives them a conducive environment to blossom and get bolder. A man who cannot control his temper is not fit for marriage

The obvious conclusion here is that you're, with your two eyes wide open, walking at the shores of dangerous waters filled with sharks of all sizes. Continuing into marriage would be like you choosing to swim in it.

If at this stage before marriage he's "sniffing(sic) (or choking) life out of you, the experience in marriage can only be worse because then he would have "legitimate claim of ownership" over you. The "legitimate claim of ownership" is in parenthesis to emphasize the way the mind of such persons work

What you're tolerating is an unhealthy relationship and it would be unwise to allow it progress to marriage. Those asking you to be patient are either stupid, wicked, or both.

Every young woman looking to have a peaceful marriage should have the courage to break off early from a man who shows traits of possessiveness, uncontrolled temper, and all such garbage, before it starts moving towards marriage and it becomes difficult, and let the man know that you're breaking off because you can't live with or have a relationship with a man that has such traits

My advice: break of your relationship with him but do it in a way that there won't be animosity between you two at the end so that, going by his aggressive and possessive nature, there will be no retaliatory actions from him towards you.

If you do choose to break it off, do keep guard afterwards for your well being because such individuals don't take break ups easily

My advice to break it off is just what it is: an advice. The final decision is yours to make - follow or discard

I can go on and on but I believe I've made my point.

A word is enough for the wise!

I pray you find the courage, wisdom and strength to call it quits with him. I also pray you'll sooner than later find a man who will truly love you without all the baggages of a violent marriage

God bless!

Baller45653:
you didn't marry from a good family to be honest with you, I'm very in my late 20's 27 to be precise, a BSC holder and my wife is just 21 her father a retired policeman and a pastor at the moment, I had a heated argument with my wife few months ago, I had to beat her to correct her even though she is pregnant but I have my reasons, I have never hit my girlfriend before not to talk of my pregnant wife, but she has hit me several times ,I know shes loving but that kind of stubborn girl but I can bet with my life she loves me and shes loyal, but she was seeing an ex and I was against it,the first time we talked about it she slapped me and I warned her , she apologized, the second time she raised her hand but I cautioned her the third time I beat the hell outter her , mainly slaps and I sent her packing, I told her brother what happened and I said I dont want to marry again and she should terminate the pregnancy, the brother talked to me man to man, and said I should tell her mom what I just explained, mind you I didn't tell them I beat her , so her mom was scolding her and the tried to defend herself by saying I beat her, then her mom called me to apologize on her behalf and she only said I should not put fear in my mind that she shouldn't be beaten, my point for beating her was that she don't try it no more...mind you I wouldn't have hit her, I did so because she hit me in public in the presence of my aunt,and my uncle wife and ever since then she always behave herself, she even went as far as making a convenant with me in the presence of my family God that she will never cheat on me, it's been a bumpy ride but a joyful one, I take care of her, spend on her like no other , our traditional wedding is 26 of this month and our house warming is 30th of this month... dear OP, your wife is not your slave but you are the master , she is like a cabin crew of your ship while you are the captain....a few words is enough for the wise..

Your entire story is quite fuzzy: a little bit on point in some context and a lot more off point in others

It is poor understanding of the concept of marriage and the roles and functions of the two individuals involved that usually leads to all manner of interpretations and, as a result, all forms of abuse that follow

True, the wife is not your slave but neither is the husband her master. He is only the coordinating center of the marriage, like the captain of an Aircraft, not captain of a ship. The captain of an aircraft works hand in hand with a copilot, in this case, the wife: she's not a mere cabin crew. You can't say the man is the master without inferring that the wife is a slave or servant cos only slaves and servants have masters and only masters are justified to beat their slaves because they are their slaves

If a husband has to beat his wife in order to contain her excesses then he either got into marriage with the wrong information or he's married to the wrong woman

Submission of the wife in marriage, must not, at anytime, come at that expense of physical or emotional violence. If you have to hit her to contain her then you've got your marriage wired wrongly

Submission here does not mean submission to him being Lord and master but rather, that he coordinates, as far their marriage is concerned. It is not submission to his whims and caprices or inordinate demands which can all get muddled up in the idea of submission in marriage

It is part of the husband's role to lead and for the wife to submit to that leadership in order for their marriage to work but that doesn't make him king or lord or master. The husband leading effectively allows the wife to carry out her own roles and functions effectively, so it is to her benefit that she submits to his leading. The fact that she has to submit to the husband coordinating does not make her inferior. Her individual personality, capacity and prospects must not be subsumed in the process

The husband is not superior to the wife and neither is the wife inferior to the husband and vice versa. They're not equal either cos the roles they're meant to play in the marriage are not exactly the same. In the real concept of marriage there is nothing like equality or inequality: there are just roles and functions

The problem most men have is the misconception of the idea of "headship" in marriage, a lot of it due to cultural misdirection. It is totally misunderstood. The headship in marriage is in reference to the head in a living organism, not the head, like a king, in a kingdom. The head in an organism is the coordinating center hence all other parts submit to its coordinating role

This is not to condemn you or whatever has been working for you but to correct the notion that others might pick from it that the husband is the master of the wife or that hitting your wife, for whatever reason, is at anytime ok.

For those who are Christians, the scriptures never indicated it was ok to beat your wife in order to correct her or that the man is master. It only referenced that the man is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the Church: not in reference to the context of Christ being Lord and King of all, rather in the context of Christ being the head and Church the body - same goes for marriage

Blessings!

Marriage, as it is meant to be, is a very complex but yet simple institution that requires a lot of understanding of roles and functions of the parties involved, to make it work

As a married man, you coming home that late is a very wrong move. Your wife reacting the way she did, as you described, by nagging all the way, is also a wrong move on her part. You reacting by hitting her is one of the worst moves by a husband in a marriage. Your wife reporting to her family that you hit her is a right move for her and even for you, eventually, if you can get her to forgive you

1. Physical violence, no matter how minute, comes only second to infidelity in breaking the marital bond of Love & trust. Every other thing can be easily forgiven or tolerated in marriage except infidelity and physical violence

2. Most women who have tolerated physical violence without speaking up at the very onset of its occurrence, and who don't have people that can stand up for them, have lived to regret it in their marriage and the husbands, most of whom never intended to, have only gotten worse in repeating the violence

3. As it stands right now, you're moved not just to remorse but also to come to the knowledge of how grave your action was. When, hopefully, she forgives you and agrees to return home, the instinct to hit her again, no matter how provoked, would have been well suppressed by this experience. That's why I said it is also good for you.

If I had a chance to talk to your wife about her initial reaction, I would tell her that nagging a man, no matter what he has done is one of the worst moves a woman can make in marriage because it usually makes both the husband and the situation worse: it never corrects anything as intended. Nagging is a married man's worst nightmare, second only to infidelity

You should note that the opinion above about nagging does not in any way justify your hitting her. It's just an advice to her and any woman reading to not invite the worst from their husbands by nagging

You should keep in mind that the fact that you're stronger than your wife physically does not mean you're to discipline her with physical beating. Never! Your physical strength is actually meant to serve her and the children she has with you, in terms of providing for, and protecting them

A husband hitting his wife is like the Army turning its weapons against the citizens. No matter how provoked, an army officer should never raise his/her weapon against a civilian. Same goes for a husband

To get your wife back:

1st - You should first talk to God about it in prayer, if you're a believer in God, and ask him to help your wife forgive you and restore the initial love and trust. Then decide within yourself and program your mind that hitting you're wife is never an option going forward. You'll have to think of other civil ways to calm her down in such circumstance: there are ways and they come with knowledge and understanding - find it

2nd - You can give her a few days to calm down and then get one or two of your own family members (father, mother, sibling) to go along with you to plead for her return. Depending on the culture, it could be helpful to go with gifts for her father and mother

I pray you find the favour to get your family back

God bless!

They're both threats but on different levels:

If there's a trophy at stake: Ronaldo is the biggest threat

If there's a defence to break: Messi is the biggest threat

The major kind of threat is not in being able to dribble past a host of defenders or score goals. The real threat is in being a major deciding factor, when it matters most, in every team you find yourself in: club(s) and country

Messi delivers the way he does because he can't help but showcase his extraordinary skills

Ronaldo is a threat because he's always performing with laser focus, eyes on the gold, for club and country, even on his worst day

Messi's laurels come to him because he's that talented

Ronaldo's laurels come to him because, regardless of talent, he wants it more than everyone else

Messi's threat is in his movements, hence the tight marking

Ronaldo's threat is in his mindset: there's no marking available for that

This Ronaldo mindset is what's missing for Messi, especially, when playing for his country: Even Argentine legend, Maradona recognizes this

In a world where a talent such as Messi exists no other player was supposed to stand a chance but, by sheer determination and, despite not being as naturally gifted, Ronaldo has kept pace: delivering for club and country

That's why, as far as I'm concerned on this matter, Ronaldo is the real threat

Dear chymes0359,

The question you have asked is a tricky one but as always, everything a Christian needs for his spiritual growth can be found in the scriptures.

Before I address the main issue of whether a "Christian" can drink, I would first address the passive issue of "who is a Christian."

The identity "Christian" refers to someone who has mindfully and wholeheartedly given his/her life to Christ, offering it as a living sacrifice, and has taken up the life of Christ as his own; Who no longer lives his life according to the dictates of his flesh but as led by the spirit of God; one who has renewed his mind through deep study of the scriptures in order to know God's will (see Rom. 12:1-2) and has committed himself to living by it.

That you were born into a family that regularly or partially goes to Church or that you, personally, are a regular attendee of a major Church and belong to a service unit does not make one a Christian: going to church does not make one a Christian just as standing in a car park does not make one a car.

Christianity is a way of life, not a Church membership or a religious identity. So when I make reference here to 'Christian,' I would be referring to the true Christian, not the mere church goer.

Now to the main issue:

If I must answer the question in the most simple form the answer would be :No, drinking alcohol is not a sin.. but that's not enough for a true Christian to commit to drinking as being harmless.

A true Christian is fully aware that the thought pattern of Christianity and that of the world do not align hence a lot of the things that the world considers "cool" is a dangerous terrain for the Christian mindset and so appearances have to be diligently studied and be seen to align with scriptures before it is accepted as a part of your life.

The major weapon of the devil is the subtle use of deception, tricks, wiles or schemes, according to various versions of the Bible (see Eph. 6:11). The devil specializes in appearances in order to get to Christian mind, that's why the scriptures advises that we flee from all appearance of evil (1 Thes 5:22)

Drinking alcohol might not be sin but it has the great potential of leading to sin, not only for you but also a fellow Christian who might be starting out his/her Christian journey.

A Christian does not only avoid sin but also anything that has the appearance of sin or that has the potential to lead to sin, no matter how much we think we can control it. He not only considers himself but also the weak brethren who, unknown to him, might be starting out and is looking up to follow your Christian life pattern; doesn't have the control that you night have, and is eventually led back into the life he/she has abandoned

The following scripture below also helps to explain:

1Cor 6:12 "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial"

1Cor 8:9 "that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak" (see also 1Cor 10:32)

Gal 5:17 A Christian is meant to live by the spirit: alcohol, due to its intoxicating capacity and addictive nature could hinder that

Eph 4:27 speaks against 'giving the devil a foothold.'

A Christian is considered by the scriptures as being of Royal heritage (1 Pet 2:9), in order words we are Kings and Queens. A king is meant to be in control of his mental faculties at all times and can't allow for vulnerabilities that can be harnessed by the enemy (see Proverbs 31:4-7): alcohol is a threat to that.

In summary, the points I have raised are as follows:

1. Christianity is not a religious identity but a way of thinking and hence, a way of life.

2. Drinking alcohol is not a sin but it does carry the inherent capacity to lead to sin and therefore has an appearance of sin

3. The devil's main device is to gain control of the mind that is sold out to Christ: alcoholic intoxication makes his work easier

4. A Christian is of a Royal heritage and therefore needs to be in control of his mind at all times

5. A Christian is meant to live by the spirit: alcohol and the spirit stand contrary to each other.

Final take:
Moderate intake of alcohol as a beverage can be harmless and shouldn't be considered as sin. What should be avoided is what it can lead to when it goes out of hand, which often is the case, or the weak, especially a Christian brother, who might be misled by appearance to indulge beyond his/her control.

Stay blessed!

CotenantNIG:
Hello Folks

We Look at the Cost of renting a 2 bedroom apartment in Abuja, due to the fact people have been asking for a more detailed cost of rent around Nigeria

https://cotenant.com.ng/news/

Abuja is the capital city of Nigeria. It is located in the centre of Nigeria, within the Federal Capital Territory (FCT). Abuja is a planned city, and was built mainly in the 1980s. It officially became Nigeria’s capital on 12 December 1991, replacing Lagos, which is still the country’s most populous city. At the 2006 census, the city of Abuja had a population of 776,298, making it one of the top ten most populous cities in Nigeria. The unofficial metropolitan area of Abuja is well over three million, which would make it the fourth largest urban area in Nigeria only surpassed by Lagos, Kano and Ibadan.

The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Abuja is ₦1,390,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦25,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦100,000 per year.

Apo
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Apo is ₦1,500,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦8,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦600,000 per year.

Asokoro District
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Asokoro District, Abuja is ₦4,500,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦40,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦2,000,000 per year

Durumi
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Durumi, Abuja is ₦1,500,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦2,600,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦950,000 per year.

Guzape
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Guzape District, Abuja is ₦2,000,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦3,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦1,800,000 per year

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Lokogoma
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Lokogoma is ₦2,000,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦10,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦900,000 per year

Mabuchi
The average price of 1 bedroom flats for rent in Mabuchi, Abuja is ₦1,000,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦8,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦400,000 per year

Utako
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Utako, Abuja is ₦2,000,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦6,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦800,000 per year

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Wuse 2
The average price of 1 bedroom flats for rent in Wuse 2, Abuja is ₦4,000,000 per year. The most expensive flat costs ₦12,000,000 per year while the cheapest cost ₦1,500,000 per year

Kubwa
The average price of 2 bedroom flats for rent in Kubwa is Read More

I don't guarantee this are the real price but estimate

Guy, this is not an attack on your effort but this your post is unnecessarily and scarily on the high side. A simple search on immediately proves it wrong. There are obviously highly priced 2 bedroom apartments but there are also many that don't cost that much.

These screenshots shown here are recent ads with varying low range rent rates.

Please don't put up posts that scare people without doing a thoroughly balanced research.

Have a nice day

alawi5k:
Victory for democracy and rule of law.

How is this victory for Democracy and Rule of Law?

How does stepping down a corruption case of about 8 years, from the designated anti corruption agency to the Ag. overnight, after he stepped down for APC's favoured Lawan, constitute 'victory for democracy'?

You shouldn't endorse or label impunity as democracy just because you support a politician or a party. Only zombies do that.

Marriage is not a joke or an idea that should be taken lightly. The idea that love is enough to see you through in marriage, is a lie from the pit of hell. The idea that you should marry simply because 'you're of age' or that 'all your mates are married' is totally lame and dumb.

When it comes to marriage, money is an important factor that should not be taken lightly. It's absence in sufficient amounts leads to so much trouble in the family. It is the leading cause of imbalance and unhappiness in marriage.

The man who seeks to get married should first do his calculations to know if he can comfortably take care of at least three persons (I.e. husband, wife and a child):minimum. The calculations should be based on present realities, not future plans of success. If he cannot, he must first raise himself to that capacity before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage.

A substituting situation, though not ideal, would be if, in agreement with his intended bride, who also has a source of income, their combined earnings would be enough to take care of three persons comfortably, then he can take the chance.

The particular reference to 'three persons' is because the average young marriage in this clime usually translates from two persons (husband and wife) to three persons (husband, wife and a baby) in the space of a year and a lot of them end up overwhelmed by the new realities they're faced with, and totally unprepared for within that time. One of these realities is that though it is possible to manage and survive with just you and your new wife on your meager income (if she's the understanding type), in the first few months after your wedding, the baby (or babies, with the possibility of your first pregnancy being twins) that follow(s), right from the pregnancy stage, are not in any way understanding to your predicament. They're very demanding in their needs and their needs are many and cannot be explained away.

The particular amount required therefore, depends on the realities of the economy of our present day, in terms of cost of living, location, and the quality of life you plan on giving your young family, vis-à-vis your present income: e.g.

1.) Do you plan on living with your parents (not cool) or renting an apartment for just you and your family? If you'll be renting, will it be a single room in a face-me I face-you house or a one room, self-contained apartment? Or Would it be a Two bedroom or three bedroom apartment? Which of these would you be able to afford?

1b.) Would the woman you want to marry be comfortable living in that apartment with you and a child? If not, can your current income afford the type she would want?

2.) You have to factor, for the first year, the monthly costs of feeding two and eventually, three mouths (the third mouth, the baby, would definitely demand more); cost of transportation, electricity, clothing, all into your calculations, and how your present income can meet up to those demands without puting your new family into unnecessary hardship. If your present income cannot meet up, it therefore means that you have to re-strategize your sources of income. Build up yourself to meet up to those demands before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage

All I'm trying to say in all this is that it would amount to wickedness if you marry someone's daughter out of your selfish reason of 'I'm of age' or because 'my mates are all married' or any other similar reason, without being financially capable to provide the basic needs for her and her child(ren), while expecting her to understand and bear with you.

Given the present economic situation in the country, getting married on a monthly income of N30,000 or 50,000 is totally unfair to any woman, no matter the location in Nigeria, and it would be suicidal for a marriage. You're literally setting up your marriage to struggle and most likely, to eventually fail.

A single guy living on an income of N30,000, in all major cities in the country today, would have to sacrifice a lot and deny himself many basic necessities just to get by, talk less of adding another person or two to it. Keep in mind that the upkeep requirements of a woman, is naturally more than that of a man, not to mention the inherent possibility of a child in less than a year into marriage.

You might achieve your goal of getting married, if you insist, but it usually turns out as a horrible experience for all parties directly involved.

It is good that you might have prospects and future ambitions to make it big in life, but you must first ensure that you start up your family well in the present cos starting a family in poverty only becomes a liability to your dreams in the long run and then you're most likely to end up with more children than you can cater for cos the only form of pleasure you can then afford to give to your wife would be sex, and given the depression that usually accompanies poverty, you yourself would find sex as the only source of relief or distraction you can get. The result would be more children in the midst of poverty. This explains why the poor, earning meager income and living in the worst conditions, pop up more children than their income can take care of. It's literally the Nigerian story.

You might come across the story of someone who got married penniless and ended up turning things around, and you become emboldened to go for it, with the hope of getting similar result. You'd be surprised to find out the hard way that successful turn around stories only happen in one 1 out of several unsuccessful cases..

In final summary, I would outline the following.

If you think you have come of age as a man and therefore, decide to get married, you can follow these steps:-

1. Calculate the monthly cost of providing for a family of three
2. Compare the results you get with your present income and see if you can afford to do so with what you currently earn. If yes, then you can proceed to consider your mental &spiritual preparedness for marriage, and eventually, start gathering money for the wedding requirements
3. If no, then you don't have to give up, rather you should immediately start working out ways to raise your monthly income to meet up. Why? Cos that's the first test of your preparedness for marriage.

You need to understand that a married man will always be faced with new levels of family demands as the size of the family grows. If you cannot raise your income to support three while you're still single, you have no business getting married, no matter your age. The first maturity that a man must prove to his intended bride is his capacity to provide

All the best

Dude, I feel your pain but you shouldn't be seeking marital advice on Nairaland cos anyone with any chance of giving you good advice on what to do would need to:
(1) have a lot more detail about recent & past events leading to this point in the marriage, in a direct, one on one conversation,
(2) be very knowledgeable in the art of marriage counseling either by training or long term experience.

You should know that your marriage is living thing and ending it is akin to a human committing suicide. Since ending a life is not taken lightly, any attempt by either party to end their marriage, which as I said, is a living thing, shouldn't either.

Nevertheless, it would be safe to say that every attempt should be made to find out the exact time or period where it turned sour (for your wife). You can achieve this either through deep thinking on the past events in your marriage or better still, working with a trained marriage counselor, or even an experienced Clergy. Finding out this detail would help you make a better decision.

Don't forget to take it to God in prayer. He can help you make the best decision for the sake of your marriage and your kids.

I pray you find the help you need at this time.