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Ajibel:
Joke rating: loading

MY MOUTH RUNS LIKE DUNLOP TYRE

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yes, like that type wey dey under wheelbarrow

PretiEbony:
this is no joke

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all play and no work 'MAKES JILL AN ARSHA.WO', so i wanted to lecture de olodos in this section a bit on the realities of life. U get?

Ajibel:
*Looking for the exit door* ebony come with me

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TO WHERE? OBLIVION OR BABYLON?

Ajibel:
Okay, i didnt comment

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*starts a slow clap*

Ajibel:
That is mi daughter u son-of-a I know that u were lost in her beauty. Dont deny it, i know the hearts of mehn, thats höw they start talking when they see a beautiful and se*y babie

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YOU SEE . I SAID IT . HOW YOU GO LOOK PRETIEBONY CALL AM 'SE*Y' , CHEI ! nor wonder you come carry that 'AGABA' picture put for your profile talk say na 'THE APPLE OF YOUR EYES' be that.

*wears slipas and dashes to church to inquire if the priest has begun the prayers for Ajibole*

Thank you rare gem. Because you appreciate me i have now decided to follow your nyash on twitter. Can you now please turn around and follow my 'GENERAL' back? Its a '5 star' ranking bad guy.

Please guys, no fighting, Bigvarginaz 'VIRGINAH' is big enough to contain everybody 'GENERALS' at the same time.

Why una go dey yab obioma like dat nah, Ehh? Who be dat posta self,

@judek: NA THE TWO OF UNA DEY TOGETHER DEY TYPE AM ABI?

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"


,


A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

,

A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.

“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”

“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”

,

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"

"$7.98." said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150

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A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is 'IN' there to prevent it?"

,

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?

Other lawyers look interested.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
[/b]Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[b]APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

^^^ when it comes to material things , GOOD ONES DEY SWEET PASS

when it comes to carnal things , BAD ONES DEY TASTE SUGAR - SUGAR , lol

Ajibel:
No comment

AJIBOLE , AJIBOLE , AJIBOLE !!! , how many times i call you? by the way, i been look your profile for the first time today, na your babe be that abi your sister? no worry, i feel your pain, to dey involved with person wey ugly pass you no be sin, but i go go see my priest make him pray for you during these your trying times.

PretiEbony:
lilkech you are really doing good

thanx babe. i don dey feel you small small , i hope say 'black' magic your juju nor dey follow through modem enter person computer ohh

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."

So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."

The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."

Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your NY.A.SH before the day was over."

A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigitte Bardot. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her boobs.

The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttock.

When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork.

"What do you think?" the wife says.

"Uh, who the hell is BoB?" the husband replies.

[quote author=Ben-10 link=topic=799529.msg9515581#msg9515581 date=1320857211]Them gals here are not ya class.
Check elsewia. Maybe in the writing section.  [/quote],


SEE HOW THIS RANDY HE-GOAT IS TRYING TO MANEUVER WITH HIS LITERARY SKILLS TO BAG THIS CHICK !!!


nobody warmed up to her except me, so please leave 'big vargaina' for me ohhh , no dey follow me drag am abeg , e hear



[ WEY THE BIG VARGAINA SELF, ABEG HELP ME SUMMON AM FROM THAT YEYE SECTION WEY SHE DON GO DEY ADVERTISE HERSELF COME THIS SIDE ]

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.

When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," he says. "But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"

BIGVAJINA:
i can give you anyting inkluding my bignting are you intwested? pin me now i am wery seeerious oo

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mehnn this babe is hot , see her profile pix , she even fine pass me , na my kind of chick be dis ohhh, only i hope your 'VARGAINA' is really big enough to accomodate 'General Obinna', cos he causes havok on unsuspecting babes.

take a pix of your big VARGAINA and post it right here on this thread ( dont worry, if dem ban you just come my hotel room, i will be glad to accommodate ) so we can get this party started e hear?

[OLOSHI OMO BURUKU, IF YOU LIKE NOR GO STAND FOR ALLEN AVENUE JUNCTION FOR 11PM DEY FIND BOBO]

The Secrets Of Understanding Men



WHENEVER A GUY SAYS:-

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Ol boy, That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the PS3 over the pounding Mortar."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'The New Masquarade', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "Mehnn, The girl selling them on the corner na real HOT babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "I believe no one will ever see us alive again."

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said.
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"

"Look Around" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras" replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded[b] "It's all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills".[/b]

WHO TELL YOU SAY NA ONLY SMILEY WE FIT USE AS GESTURES? , SEE BELOW


Perfect breasts
(o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts
( + )( + )

Perky breasts
(*)(*)

Big nipple breasts
(@)(@)

A cups
o o

D cups
{ O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts
(oYo)

Cold breasts
( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts
(o)(O)

Pierced Breasts
(Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts
(p)(p)

Against The Shower Door Breasts
( )( )

Android Breasts
| o | | o |

Arsha.wo Breasts
($)($)

OK Girls--now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy,

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron golf stick wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball , stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"

An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Iavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly "Romance by Ralph Lauren, N15,000 a bottle."
Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old woman and says snootily "Chanel No 5, N23,000 a bottle", the old woman was just looking at the stupid girls.

A few floors later, the old woman has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both woman in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying "FIOR -FIOR BEANS, N25 a DERICA."

PretiEbony:
nice

HALLO BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL , I DEDICATE THIS NEXT JOKE TO YOU



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my wife slipped stepping out of the shower did the splits and screamed out, i came running in but couldn't get her up. her t0t0 was suchioned to the floor tiles.
i rang my handyman mate who said "i'll get a hammer and chisel and be over in 5 mins" i said "what the 4lk for?" and he said "i got to crack the tiles to break the area where she is stuck so she can get up", i then said "ok, u know what i'm gonna lick her ears and play with her boobs" while i'm starting he then asked me "why?" i told him that 'i just put new tiles in there and if i get her t0t0 wet, maybe we could slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are old so he can break her out over there'

rakel05:
hisssss no work

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YOU BE SNAKE ?


{ GRABS MY CUTLASS }


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An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.

He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, soldiers Sir!"

Ajibel:
@Booqeemama, my tactics u think u know,na lie. Your a liar, im a truther.

@lilkech, did u cee mi in yo wet dream,this one u dey talk say 'u again'

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WHY YOU DEY ALWAYS LIKE TO DEY CHEW MOUTH LIKE GOAT? I TIRE FOR YOUR MANNER OF MAN OH ,



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A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.

She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!

She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"



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Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,

"PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

Two boko haram terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."

There's a pause.

Then, the second terrorist says, wistfully: "Ah, they ' BLOW' up so fast, don't they?"