₦airaland Forum

^^^ sleekfun i like that awkward moment very well, imagine the guy telling his babe to 'pass him the hammer' to jack his booth open.
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@araregem: what makes a lady so s l o w , hmm , AHA! benylin mixed with D&C capsule, i suggest you quit taking that your medication immediately okay

As an ultimate test of his will power a man decides to give up s e x throughout the lenten period. Although not thrilled with the idea his wife decides to support him in his holy quest.
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The first week was not difficult but things got tougher in the following weeks so the wife chewed on garlic and slept in baggy jeans all the nights of the following week. The last couple of weeks got tougher so the wife locked the man out in the parlour and he slept on the couch for the duration of the weeks to follow. Finally on Easter morning a loud knock came on his wife's door:
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KNOCK - KNOCK - KNOCK
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HUSBAND: GUESS WHOM ?
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WIFE: i know who it is
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HUSBAND: GUESS WHAT I WANT ?
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WIFE: i know what you want
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HUSBAND: GUESS WHAT I'M KNOCKING WITH ?

Its 2 o'clock in the morning and a couple are still in bed sleeping when their bedside telephone rings. The husband picks up the reciever and before he could say anything some talking came from the other end of the line , the husband then angrily says "how the hell do i know - what do you think i am? a weatherman?", and with that he slams the recieves back down on the telephone. The wife rolls over and asks "who was that sweety?" and the husband replied "i dont know, it was some foolish bloke who wanted to know if THE COAST WAS CLEAR"

@pretiEbony: you this stubborn and ugly black girl , you wont crawl back into your hole and wait until it is dark before you come out abi?
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An angry wife met her husband at the door, there was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar, "i assume", she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here by 6 o'clock in the morning?", "there is dear", replied the drunk husband, "Breakfast"

^^^ she started it

@dani & ben: have you noticed a fast growing trend of people referring to me as 'boi boi', now a ask both of you "is it good?", if i start now you will start threatening to lock my thread , warm them oh! I NOR GBADUN AM AT ALL AND I DEY SABI QUICK VEX

A man and a woman were once arguing about who enjoyed s e x better than the other. The man said "obviously its us guys, why else do you think we are so obsessed with it?", "that does not prove a thing", the lady replied and she continued, "okay lets look at it practically like this, when your ear itches you and you put your finger into it, wriggle it, pump it and then pull it out which of them feels better? Your EAR or the FINGER? answer me!"

Onyeasi:
*hiss*
likech aka boi- boi

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i have vowed never to argue with an eediot, he will only drag me down to his level and beat me with his experience.

@onyeoshi: *YOU AGAIN*
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3 guys go to a ski lodge high on the mountains and there are not enough beds to accommodate all of them individually so they all decide to share one single bunk. In the middle of the night the guy sleeping on the right wakes up and says "i had an unbelievable dream, i dreamt that i got a HAND JOB from a beautiful nurse", the other guy sleeping on the left also suddenly woke up and said that he had the same exact kind of dream too. Then the guy in the middle wales up, yawns and blinks at them then said "thats funny, i dreamt i was SKIING"

A guy is riding the bus when at a stop he sees the most beautiful woman ever. The only problem was that she was a nun. He decides to approach her anyway, "sister, you are very beautiful and i really want to 4lk you" he says, "im sorry but i have given my body to the Lord" the nun replied getting off the bus. Suddenly the bus driver turns to the guy and says "i know a way you can catch her man" and the bus driver then tells the guy how the nun goes to confession by 3pm everyday and updates the guy with a plan and he leaves the bus happy knowing he will catch the nun soon.
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The next day the guy is in the confession booth dressed as a priest when the nun approaches, in the darkness he says "sister, God has told me that i must have s e x with you" and she replied "well, if God says it them we must do it but because of my strong commitment to the Lord i will only take it up my arze", the guy figures this is not a bad idea and then proceeds to have the best s e x ever in his life. After its over he whips off his outfit and yells "surprise, i am the guy from the bus yesterday" and then the nun whips off her own gown, turns around and screams "surprise, I AM THE BUS DRIVER"

i once applied for a job with a building company the other day. I carefully completed the application forms and submitted them to the manager and after he had good through them he said "with your credentials i have the perfect OPENING for you young man", then i said "great, thank you sir, what is the OPENING?" and then the manager replied pointing "it is called the DOOR, now get the hell out of my office"

my wife came home yesterday and shouted excitedly:
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WIFE: "quick, pack your bags, i just won 20 million in the national lottery"
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MAN: "oh that is great honey, where are we going?" he asked smiling
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WIFE: "what is WE? just pack your bags and GET THE HELL OUT you useless man"

i once saw an old man trying to cross a very busy road the other day and i asked him, "sir, why are you attempting to cross the road here when there is a ZEBRA CROSSING just 10 yards from here?", the old man then replied "really, then i hope ITS having more luck than i am"

when i die i want to go peacefully, like my granddad did, in his sleep , and not screaming like the passengers in his car

^^^ can you lick the sand under your feet and swear while holding a bible that you did not laugh? Ok.
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You all know that Ghadaffi is dead, this is the latest transcript that was recieved from his discussion with Abacha in hell:
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Ghadaffi: ahh, my broda how u dey?
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Abacha: Gada wellcome oh, i dey try hold body, how your journey na? U been teeh oh, i don wait u tire.
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Ghadaffi: aboki i been dey try gather plenty money, chei! E nor easy oh, those people do me strong thing.
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Abacha: na because u fulk up na, na u dull urself , abi u nor know?
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Ghadaffi: ah oga, how i take 4lk up na?
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Abacha: see u, u thief many money, even pass d one wey i thief, why u no run wen yawa gas?
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Ghadafi: u sabi say moni and power dey sweet person well well nah, i been dey do like u nah, i been think say any person wey try me go die.
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Abacha: na him make u still dey there dey stand? Even wen this Obama guy enta the mata, u dey craze? Well, no wahala, welcome sha. U don learn ur lesson. U no see as i been do my own? U nor see say my people no fit make noise until dat winch ashawo carry him own come?
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Ghadafi: ah! aboki i hail u oh, na true. See abeg u go teach me as u take do am e hear.
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Abacha: i dey vex for u, u nor just try, me i been thief 150billion in just 5 years wen u u thief 200billion in 42 years. If to say i be you i for don buy spiritual fire extinguisher wey i for carr come this place. Abeg come follow me chop this 'hot coal', na the best food the week be this and 1 week dey long well well for here.

ermm , who gave Adam that apple again self

DUH , who gave Adam that apple

lol.! i like this joke. Thumbs up 'fukky' mallam

I girl was passing by a bank on a bike and spotted her boyfriend trying to withdraw money from an ATM and she immediately sent him this text message:
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"my honey, i miss you, if you are sleeping then send me your dream, if you are laughing then send of your joy, if you are crying then send me your tears, if you are eating then send me your done, even if you are USING AN ATM then please send me your MONEY , i love you"
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Then the very sharp bad guy sent her this very simple reply:
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"baby girl i dey S H I T, how you wan take collect am?"

@onyeoshi: hey, you again! , how did you get here? did somebody leave your cage open? oya drop that keyboard and run back inside your cave.
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@ajibole: why do you keep doing this to yourself? ehh? do you know that if i were to kill everybody on NL THAT hates you it wont be murder , it would be GENOCIDE!
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@pretiEbony: i hear you got a brain transplant and the brain REJECTED you , lets not waste that your body okay, my 'arze' is going on its vacation tomorrow, could you kindly lend me that your face? i promise to return it to you in its (supposedly) pristine condition once my 'arze' gets back.

The OP. seems to be better at s e x than everyone, now all he needs is a partner (that is the kind of man that we Nigerian scientists will use as a blueprint to CLONE AN EEDIOT)

A farmers son was returning from the market with a crate containing chickens which his father entrusted to him to bring back home. All of a sudden the crate fell and broke open and all the chickens escaped in every direction. The determined any scouted round the whole neighbourhood and collected all the wayward chickens and put them back into the now repaired crate and headed home expecting the worst:
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BOY: "pa, the chickens got loose", the any confessed sadly, "but i managed to catch all 15 of them back"
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PA: "well, you did really good son", the farmer beamed, "YOU LEFT THE MARKET WITH JUST 7 CHICKENS"

@preetiEbony: every girl has a God given right to be ugly, but you abused that privilege , no wonder they call you ebony 'dark and beautiful' , once its 'DARK' you are suddenly beautiful.
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@ajibole: i hope you remember that your father married your mother just for the sole purpose of having children, just imagine his disapointment when you came along , try to visit and calm the man sometimes okay, he has not been himself ever since your birth.

SEE THIS DRAMA-
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my son celebrated his 16th birthday in april and i got him an iPHONE, he simply loved it.
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my own birthday came up in may and my beautiful wife got me an iPAD, splendid.
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My daughters birthday was in september and i have her an iPOD TOUCH, she adored it.
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my wife's birthday was just last week so i got her an iRON , that was when the fight started.
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what my wife failed to realize was that the iRON could be integrated into our good network with the iCOOK, iWASH and iCLEAN services. This inevitably activated the iNAG reminder service.
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well, i should be out of this hospital by next week , iHURT !!!

^^^ roflmao, dude you just spoke in 'cat language' again , well i guess thats what one learns when they sourround themselves with 'pussayz'

WAIT , HOLD IT , CHILL ! i am meditating for my next round of jokes and assaults, HATERZ TAKE COVER OH?

^^^ mehnn, See haterz oh! , wait first make i charge my 'ha - dou - ken' wey i go stone una one by one

Studio CFR:
Sweerie you're so right bout dat. .infact what i need from u right now is Ssexual Healing . . . Dont let yo moda know, Dont let yo fada. .
We go take am gently low key together babes . . No Dulling

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^^^ just see the way this randy he goat has taken this opportunity to start toasting this babe , and the worst thing be say most of these yeye girls dey fall for am , Studio you try, but no forget say na man you dey like 'cornorbi' , leave dat gal alone at wance!

^^^ 'boiboi' , such a word , my dear you interest me, do you have intentions of 'getting down' with me. I can be your 'boiboi' all you want while we are on the same bed. I am sorry but any other time apart from that and you are literally JONZIN!

@preetiEbony: u r not happy with me and i know why. Soyyi , stop taking it personally e' hear