₦airaland Forum

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One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance.

The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal." Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, " If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal."

As luck would have it, a hunter saw what  was happening. He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and I'll shoot the bear."

Just then, a rat was standing behind the hunter saying to itself," If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter.

However, unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat."

At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake.

The moral of this story is:

If the [b]'fly' [/b]drops six inches the[b] 'pu, ss.y' [/b]will get wet.

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "W.T.F, Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! , "

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving ,

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around,

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL." Said God.

The light went out.

The river ran.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

, and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."

^^^ r u trying to abuse me ?? if you do not have anything better to do with your time , see pix below

YES , EHEN , WETIN YOU DEY FIND FOR THIS THREAD , NA YOU PAY MY SUBSCRIPTION ? MOVE AHEAD JAREE , OLOFOFOS DEM

bougee na wah ohh , na HP abi Cannon Laser Photocopier you get?

kodewrita:
Promised not to contribute again as I am not a CU grad but this response just drew my attention. Couldn't resist.

NO NEED TO TRY AND DEFEND YOUR SCHOOL. YOU ARE JUST BEING SENT TO AN "AGBAYA DAY CARE CENTER" IN DISGUISE AND YOU STILL HAVE THE IMPETUS TO JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THIS THREAD TO MAKE MORE NOISE ABOUT IT. HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY A UNIVERSITY IN NIGERIA PAYING UP TO 500K FOR TUITION ALONE? ITS ABSURD AND THAT IS WHY IT IS STRICTLY FOR THE WELL TO DO AND SILVER SPOON HOLDERS IN OUR SOCIETY.

YES, YOU CAN JIB ALL YOU WANT ABOUT THE COST OF THINGS IN THE SCHOOL I WENT TO BUT THOSE COSTS I QUOTED WERE NOT FORCED ON ME TO PAY, I HAD TO CHOOSE ANYTHING I WANTED AND PAID TO GET IT UNLIKE IN YOUR OWN CASE WHERE EVERYTHING IS FORCED ON YOU.

SO IF THEY PLACE ME AND YOU TODAY IN THE MIDDLE OF ABUJA OR AJENGULE AND TELL US TO HUSTLE OUR WAY OUT AND UP THE LADDER IN THIS CURRENT NIGERIAN SOCIETY WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN? YOU WILL BE STRUGGLING TO CATCH UP TO MY DUST WHICH MUST HAVE SETTLED FROM MY OWN PASSING , YOU CAN NOT KEEP UP AT ALL.

IMAGINE THAT AT YOUR CONVOCATION BANKS ALREADY LINE UP TO SELECT THEIR EMPLOYEES , ITS NICE BUT WITHOUT THE INFLUENCE OF YOUR BISHOP AND HIS CHURCH WILL THAT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE? JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE BUMPY RIDE BY NOW THEN YOU WILL SOONER OR LATER , OK, SO YOUR LIFE IS A BED OF ROSES? ONCE THE THORNS START PRICKING I WILL INDEED LOVE TO SEE WHAT SIDE OF YOUR HANDS YOU WILL USE TO HANDLE THE ROSE THEN.


AJE BUTTERS , UNA GO HEAR AM FOR NIGERIA E HEAR , BETTER PRAY THAT WE GET BETTER LEADERS OR ELSE , LOL

I attended imsu. .
School fees - 53k
sug & dept - 3k
books per semester - 6k (per year - 12k)
assignments, typing, binding research - 7k
feeding(restaurant) - N200 per meal (home cooking - 4k per month)
water - 1k per month
accomodation - 80k per year
nepa bill - 1.5k per month
transportation (to and fro campus)- N200 per day
church - N100 (add offering and bulletin - N100) every sunday
beer - N250 per bottle (minimum of 4 boor per sitting - 1k)
babe maintainance and flexing - LETZ NOT NEAR THERE AT ALL
bad debts to pals - 10k
sundry expenses - N10k
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. Do the maths , PRIVATE UNIS ARE A WALK IN THE PARK

Even if i subscribe and do not surf the net, my bbm, twitter and fb will finish that 200mb in a week

Huh, !!?

*mimicking guards in Metal Gear*

Chei! Kai! Ewuoo! , so i for don build estate since ehhn, God go punish caro, nkechi, kemi, ade, mimi, kehinde, fatima, jemaima, muniretu, chioma , haaaa!
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*rolling on the floor with hands holding my d, i.c.k*

1kobo joke na him una wan negotiate copyright for

^^ wey funky mallam? see as dem dey yab one of your mamma pikin

CU admit underage kids too much. And these kids mix with those of their age grade and never learn to grow up. Everything is done for them(hot water baths, food, air conditioned halls and hostels etc) and due to this fact they virtually collapse once faced with hardship outside the four walls of their school. They are bred with a specific kind of people so that when they get out of school they are helpless around the other kinds of us. They are very shy at parties and clubs (even though they put on nice attires) and they are scared to move around with people who didnt attend the same school as they did. They get physically punished for various and most mistakes at school (lateness, failure to attend chapel, non completion of assignments etc) they are not allowed to view certain media at school. THEY DARE NOT CATCH YOU HOLDING THE HANDS OF A GIRL (most brave ones actually patronise brothels and nite clubs because of this). Since they are not allowed to smoke and drink they then involve themselves in taking hard drugs and codin to 'get high'. They stroll to school in uniforms (YOU DARE NOT WEAR JEANS BNTH AT LECTURES OR IN THE HOSTELS) most girls cannot cook simple meals. The last muslim friend they make is at secondary school. Etc. , Mehn, im glad i went to a state school because whenever i see a CU graduate, apart from dat paper called a certificate, they have got nothing on me. . . I studied, ate, slept, played and fought with the god, bad and ugly and i can never be intimidated by any specific kind of personality ever. You know what thats called? , EXPERIENCE , no one teaches you that but yourself

So d way d preacher 'CUMed' was by falling on the old lady? , What sort of 'climax' is that? This joke stinks to low hell

dani1luv:
Go tell fowl

yes oh. Switch On your tv, tune to cartoon network then find 'road-runner', And then Tell am everything. 4lk dem mods e hear, lol

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*dani u nor well, he has a point ya know*

Have you noticed that over 80% of CU students were forced into that school? And over 80% of UI students chose it as their school of choice? This is a very important fact to note. IF A COVENANT UNIVESRITY FIRST CLASS GRADUATE AND A UNIVERSITY OF IBADAN FIRST CLASS GRADUATE SIT TOGETHER TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS AT AN INTERVIEW THE DIFFERENCE WILL BE CLEAR.

in UI a student has complete freedom to either learn or not. That is not the case in CU. in CU they must do things by force due to the harsh and numerous laws imposed on their students. I was a border in secondary school and il be darned if i live the same way throughout my university life. Students ar sent to school not only to secure first class certificates but to know GOOD FROM BAD, RIGHT FROM WRONG . PROPER FROM IM-PROPER etc. In UI, any student who wishes to excel will do so to the extreme and those who wish to play will waste to the extreme. But CU forces their students on a path shown to them and this makes almost 50% of the students unhappy with their learning environment not witstanding the infrastructure around them. Why must a university in this day and age impose uniform dress codes, restrict student movement, screen muslim freshers, ban handsets, monitor internet activity, force worship habits etc, ? Haba , But both schools are top notch at the end, its just perspective that differs and there are real life challenges that a UI product will handle better than their CU counterpart.

i need to buy a motherboard and 17" screen for HP DV4000 . lilkech@yahoo.com. mail me with prices and contact number plus location please.

This goes to show that women are better equiped for hell than men

As i been wan laff na him mess commot 4 my nyash , True true, laff nor suppose be by force

As i been wan open my mouth laff na him mess comot 4 my nyash , Before e dey happn d other way round , Wtf

booqee:
it wasn't intended to amuse.

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So u mean dat me , Sitting down here , Reading this your dry joke , That i was supposed to be somewhere else? Is this your own version of 'etc' , There is a religious section you know , Post jokes here and take these over there in future. Nice story sha

ObiomaA:
I am a sick singer

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Nah to go find medicine take cure ur disease

kellynoah:
what happen am not laughing? keep trying

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Drink the op's piss and you will understand the joke

Give dem catapult , Itz 4 d best , At least b4 they bend down to find stones d driver will have zoomed off

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about

men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil was typing away.

Suddenly a huge blackout filled heaven and hell. When the lights came back on, Jesus picked up right where he left off, but the Devil's screen was black. Satan says, "How could this happen? I did everything Jesus did!"

Then one person in Hell says, "No, Jesus Saves."

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"