₦airaland Forum

There was once a blind old man who just received his long overdue pension money and decided to use it to travel and tour las vegas before he died. So he went on the plane and when he felt his seat he said "wow, this seat is huge", and the guy sitting next to him said "everything is big in las vegas". Then when he got to vegas and was shown to his hotel room he lay down on the bed and felt it then said "wow, this bed is really huge", and the porter told him "sir, everything in vegas is big". Then the old man went down to the bar for a drink and when the beer was handed to him in a large mug he exclamated "gosh, this tumbler is very big", and the barman told him "pops, you are in las vegas, everything here is extra large". Then the man wanted to pee and the bar man told him to "go up to the second floor by your right" and the old man went but on his way to the second floor he tripped and fell on the stairs and instead went up to the third floor. Now in this floor there was a swimming pool and when the man got to it he fell inside and then started waving his hands and screaming "DONT FLUSH - DONT FLUSH"

^^ na ur type dey carry dia pikin go 'ashawo' house for xmas groove, Nonsense
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Thanx to all who helped with meaningful posts.

i went to oshodi yesterday to buy of a bag and when i was admiring a find black one, somebody came up to me and spoke a sentence that ended with 'SHALOM', I told him i did not undertand and he apologised saying that he 'thought i was a witness',
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Well i am really intrigued by this trend in their church where every single member must own his or her own special black purse/bag/suitcase for their church gatherings. Even members as young as 5 years old are not left out.
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i was just wondering what it is that they really keep in those bags that are too precious to them or that they do not want other people to see? It is a very tidy doctrine and i commend them for it along with their strict dress code but the that 'black bag issue' begs the question,
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i like jehovah witnesses, have them as friends and they have preached to me numerously so i am not taunting them by this post.

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN:
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you are trekking with your babe along Ahmadu Bello way and a Hummer3 breezes by while splashing mud on the both of you.
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when in church you are left with only N1,010 as your last cash and you dance to the altar and drop in your N1000 note for an offering thinking that it was the N10 note.
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when you save up for 3 months and go to computer village to buy a brand new BB TORCH and on getting to your house and opening the carton you see 'FUFU' inside it (true life story).
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when visitors from your church come to visit you and while you are about to entertain them you mistakenly switch on your dvd player (which has a resume play function) while a 'MOJO' film is still inside the machine.
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on that fateful sunday afternoon when you and your babe are getting 'down' and suddenly a swarm of jehovah witnesses show up at your crib to continue their envangelism from where you all left off last sunday.

freechat:
To express indifference, my neighbour would always say:
1. Wetin concern goat with family planning, or
2. Wetin concern blind man with text message, etc.

Post yours, wetin concern .,.  with .,.

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anytime i see this kind of effort at a joke, i always remember to start a 'SLOW CLAP'
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*wetin concern this thread with sense*

ObiomaA:
a naija man went to space and saw d moon and stars then he returned to naija. And he was dreaming!

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We know say na u b d man. Why u 2 dey like to dey 'dream' self? imagine under this hot sun you are dreaming while pushing that 'kuli-kuli' wheelbarrow.
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*nor b say na betta dream self, na MOON & STARS* , if u like no sell ur market finish, u sabi say Ajahaji go 'woze' u beta slap ur 'testicles' go run enta ur belle back and ur mama go deliver 'unbilical' cord for sokoto

sylve11:

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SYLVE: Is it that you are dumb? Or you do not know what to type? Or a virus eats all your words before they get posted? im just curious sha.

Studio CFR:
Meaannn!!!




AJIBOLE
now a gate man?

I wont be suprised if tomorow dem say the gayy albino don becme a mortuary attendant

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yes oh, we thank God for his recent 'demotion', He keeps climbing down d ladder at such a fast pace. Very soon i will open 'haboki kiosk' for him in front of my house. and that reminds me, the boy has 4goten to secure my gate,
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AJIBOLE, AAHJIBOOLEEE! ! where that mumu chuuk head self?

so Dani, you will set up a public poll to lock someones thread but when it is my own turn, una (mods) go do 'in house' voting abi? I see that once i become admin i will terminate many peoples memberships.

see this NL spambot does not have an alternative word for 'id iot' , and many of such people can be found here

Ret ard = retard
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Id iot = idiot

My God! Just see what a retard considers as a joke. She has spoilt my day with this ish

@pretiebony: take it easy , I now understand your obsession with me. I told you once before that you could call me any sort of name you want once we are on the same foam together in the night (at that time when you suddenly become beautiful). It is obvious that you are 'feeling this boy' ehh!

Naked ness = unclothedness

Please everyone (especially the mods), i want to check something out and i beg you to be patient with me.
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Inter course = intercourse
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Se x = sex
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Di ck = dick
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Ro d = rod
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Pu ssy = pussy
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Na ked = naked
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Pen is = penis
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Vag ina = vagina
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Bre ast = breast
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Bo ob = boob
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Ti ts = tits
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Sh it = shit
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Pi ss = piss
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Fu ck = Bleep
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Pri ck = prick
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To to = toto
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Cu nt = cunt
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A ss = ass
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Bi tch =bitch
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Bas tard =bastard
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Mu mu = mumu
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Fo ol = fool
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Stu pid = stupid
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Id iot = idiot.
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Ash awo = ashawo
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Pros titute = prostitute
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Wh ore = LovePeddler
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Okay im done. Thanx

^^ i knew it, of all the problems on this thread only you remain. do you know how many decades i used to senior you? and at your young age you are already soo black and ugly, i fear for your future oh, i see black things in it so. Exit immediately, my gate man will show you the way out.
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*screams* AJIBOLE , where dat mumu aboki dey

nice one posta

^^^ so you have felt it too? Great!, so tell me , HOW MUCH 'SH IT' HAVE YOU POSTED RECENTLY? go lick camfor, ur mouth dey smell

'freshCVV' , hmm, that name seems peculiar, very fishy for 'it' to be scouring the jokes section

^^^ he is 'that drunk' , better believe it

@booqee: kindly add a few to this thread , and please do not mind those 'iniquities' you mentioned, they actually migrated all the way to Nigeria from Congo. So the only humour they have is the 'sense OFF' type

^^^ hear - hear!!

just as the title says, i will need advice on what toys to get for a male and female toddler that will hold their attention for more than 6 months and will not have any negative effect on them at all both now and in the future.
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i have twins (a boy and girl) of just 2years old. I have gotten them toys before (those jingling cells and noise makers that holds babies attention) but now i need to up the game.
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For the girl i am thinking of getting her a doll but i am afraid that my baby girl will get used to nudity at such a tender age while playing with dolls (especially while she tries to UnCloth and dress them) so i need another alternative.
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for my boy i have decided to get him either a football or a toy gun. But then i do not have enough space in my house for him to play with the ball and i am afraid that getting him a toy gun will only teach him that the trigger of the 'real deal' will feel much better to pull, i am afraid it might have an adverse effect on him in latter years to come. Plus i have a licensed pistol which i hide in my room.
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I need suggestions on what other good toys are out there that silk keep the kids occupied for most of the day as i and my wife are quite busy and the house help is very young.

for me i cant even remember at all when last i beheld a rainbow with my eyes (at least 10yrs).
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Also i will like to know what a rainbow signifies?, because this situation where i do not see it again is very disturbing.
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I heard from a friend that it signifies the promise that God made to Noah that he will never destroy the earth again with water, if this is true then i hope i am the only one who has not seen a rainbow in years because the alternative might seem very disturbing.

that awkward moment when NTA are presenting the 9 o clock news and the anchor sits and stares sheepishly at you for 5 mins while they wait for a lousy correspondence to come through with another story.
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When you are shi tting in the toilet while 'perched' on the WC and it suddenly breaks.
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lilkech peeps in here too , cozy! i think il begin right away, haterz 'clear road' oh

i see that all the fools clogging up my thread have all left (except Ajibole, my trusted gateman), now let me continue my handwork jare ,

A SCENE FROM 'SPARTACUSH'
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enter lilkech:
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oh demented fellow NL jokers , i see my thread still stands (especially after my recent ban), shall i continue??

dammizz:
^ considering d trend on this thread, if I hiss @ d stale joke now, na slow yab I go get, & I cant fit force meself 2 giggle nah

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so you dey wan use style yab my jokes abi? So they are not funny to you abi? Why are you so 'ashamed' of acting sane? Ehh? You must be either 'STEWpid' or 'SOUPid' for my jokes to look stale to you, between you and me i believe the latter to be your unfortunate condition my confused friend

mommy eagle and daddy eagle were in a divorce court. The judge looked down at baby eagle and asked "so baby eagle, who do you want to live with? Will you live with daddy eagle?", and baby eagle replied "oh no, he beats me all the time", "okay then", replied the judge "you should live with mommy eagle then", and baby eagle said "hell no, she beat me often too", the judge then asked confused "who do you want to live with baby eagle?", and baby eagle replied, "i want to live with the SUPER EAGLES, they cant beat ANYBODY"

^^^ thank you kay 'CASPER', its good to know some sane ghosts still hover around NL

Livingproof:
I didn't know where to laugh shaa!!! Still waiting to l a u g h

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Why wait? You can cry now and laugh later , s l o w eediot , you are a 'LIVINGPROOF' of 'stupidity at its peak' , dont let me start with you oh

^^^ lol, i think im begining to fall in love with this chick. [dont try me again or i will , ]
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MORE AWKWARD MOMENTS:
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when you and your boyfriend are having s e x in the middle of the night and armed robbers break into your bedroom window pointing halogen torch at the both of you.
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when you are faking recieving a call on your GSM in a crowded bus and a real call comes in.
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When you run into a chemist and order a pack of condoms and as the attendant server your order your dad suddenly walks up to the counter.
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when you accidentally hit your thumb after missing the nail with a hammer.
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when you roll off the top bed of your hostel bunk while dreaming of chasing a 'Molue'.
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when you are eating a delicious beans and dodo in 'TANTIS' only for you to chew 'concrete' in the middle of the meal