i guess kinky pass kinky!!!

;d

funnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

@ topic, the secret to success in jamb is ,

Expo, chips, dubbs, forming voltron and bribing a jamb official to up ur scores.

Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?



Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.


Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Prescribed by the Great Physician


>****************************

>The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember,

>Noah was a drunk

>Abraham was too old

>Isaac was a daydreamer

>Jacob was a liar

>Leah was ugly

>Joseph was abused

>Moses had a stuttering problem

>Gideon was afraid

>Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

>Rahab was a prostitute

>Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

>David had an affair and was a murderer

>Elijah was suicidal

>Isaiah preached naked

>Jonah ran from God

>Naomi was a widow

>Job went bankrupt

>Peter denied Christ

>The Disciples fell asleep while praying

>Martha worried about everything

>The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

>Zaccheus was too small

>Paul was too religious

>Timothy had an ulcer, AND

>Lazarus was dead!

>

>Now! No more excuses!

>God can use you to your full potential.

>Besides you aren't the message, you are just the

>messenger.

>And one more thing, Share this with a friend or

>two,

>In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your

>full potential.



>1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.


>2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.


>3. Growing old is inevitable ,  growing UP is

>optional.


>4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always

>open.


>5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never

>misquoted.


>6. Do the math ,  count your blessings.


>7. Faith is the ability to not panic.


>8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.


>9. If you worry, you didn't pray . If you pray,

>don't worry.

>10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling

>home everyday.


>11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be

>bent out of shape.


>12. The most important things in your house are the

>people.


>13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.

>God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.


>14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.


>15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Work on Your Dream
Today's Scripture
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Surround yourself with the right people and you can fulfill the dreams God gives you. Put yourself in relationships with people who are not only like-minded, but are also seeking to honor God in their own lives. Here is a thought to consider today: if your friends don't point you toward God's goal for you, then they're not very good friends. You want to be around dream-builders, not dream-crashers! When you prune the relationships around you, you're not cutting things out of your life; you're making room for growth so that you can reach your God-given potential! When you make room for God's best, you can walk away from the lesser things that the world has to offer.
A Prayer for Today
God, I know You have my best in mind and in Your plans. Thank You for placing a dream in my heart and for giving me people to help lead me towards that dream. I pray that my relationships will honor You. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I used to watch his show every sunday. So sad, no more N kan be!

Was he really a born again or minister, cos he used to do some really spooky things on his show
and he did have a giant spider as his symbol (eeww! i hate spiders).

Kennis, wetin you dey do for singapore?
Them dey kill omo naijas for dere oh!!!

@ topic, you cant force someone to love you, its a two way thing,
just get someone that loves you back. Maybe she's not the one
for you.

i'm going to get me one, asap :d

Gross.

;d

dumb redneck

lmao

good one!

Jim was in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to see something in the
driveway that goes from 0-200 in 6 seconds and IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Jim got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke up, she looked out the window. Sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
new bathroom scale.

Jim has been missing since Friday.

A woman woke up one morning and found her husband staring hard at their marriage certificate

She got up and went to take a shower, on getting back her husband was still staring at the certificate

flipping it over and over. The woman a bit confused asked "Honey, what exactly are you looking for?" the man replied

"I could have sworn I saw an expiry date on this the day I got it!"

its nice to marry a virgin but, she mind end up being promiscuous because once u pop her cherry, she will get curious about what is out there and how other guys are.
But at the end of the day what matters is do you love her, not is she a virgin or not. Atleast you know ur not marrying a slutt.

Women have strengths that amaze men.
   They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but
they hold happiness,
love and joy.
   They smile when they want to scream.
   They sing when they want to cry.
   They cry when they are happy and laugh when they
are nervous.
   They fight for what they believe in.
   They stand up to injustice.
   They don't take "no" for an answer when they
believe there is a
better solution.
   They go without so their family can have.
   They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
   They love unconditionally.
   They cry when their children excel and cheer when
their friends get
awards.
   They are happy when they hear about a birth or a
wedding.
   Their hearts break when a friend dies.
   They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet
they are strong when
they
     think there is no strength left.
   They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken
heart.
   Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
   They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show
how much they
care about you.
   The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep
turning.
   They bring joy, hope and love.
   They have the compassion and ideas.
   They give moral support to their family and
friends.
   Women have vital things to say and everything to
give.

   HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT
THEY FORGET THEIR
WORTH.

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
had not phoned in
Sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the
main computers, he
Dialled the employee's home phone number and was
greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss
asked, "Is your Mummy
there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the
policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the
Whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through
The earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering! voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now
truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search
team just landed the
hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they
searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a
muffled giggle:


"ME."

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels, Hellllo ooo!!!, bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited, finished jigsaw puzzle in 6
months, box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours, power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid, wrong instructions,
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing, couldn't find a lake with a
slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition, learned
later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my ! car in rain storm, car
swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C", isn't it

October - Hate M &M's, they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911, "duh", there's no "eleven"
button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

A stagecoach bounced down a rutted road, heading for Dallas. In the coach

were a Texan, a very busty lady, and a greenhorn from the East.



The greenhorn kept eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said,

"Lady, I'll give you ten dollars for a Mouth Gig."



The Texan was appalled. He pulled out his pistol, shot the greenhorn right

between the eyes, and shoved his body out the door.



The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, sir, for defending my honor!"



The Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! Just trying to

keep down inflation. Around here, a Mouth Gig goes for two bucks."

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoe outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said:
> > "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"



The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow
you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home
"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"



The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked
it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."



The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."



The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Indiana. He shot and
>dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of
>a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove
>up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
>
>The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
>now I'm going to retrieve it."
>
>The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
>over here."
>
>The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the

>United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
>take everything you own.
>
>The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
>settle disputes in Indiana. We settle small disagreements with the
>"Three Kick Rule."
>
>The lawyer asked, "What's the Three Kick Rule?"
>
>The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first

>I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back
>and forth until someone gives up."
>
>The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
>that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
>local custom.
>
>The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
>the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed
>work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His
>second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his

>mouth.
>
>The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
>end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
>The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his
>feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you
>old fart. Now it's my turn."
>
>I love this part . . . .
>
>The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the
>duck."

A young Yoruba man walked into a bank in New York City
and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan
officer that he is going to Lagos on a vacation, for two weeks, and need to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank will need some
form of security for the loan, so the Yoruba man
handed over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series. The
car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The
Yoruba man produced the title and everything checked
out. The loan officer agreed to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a
good laugh at the Yoruba man, for using an $80,000 BMW
as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of
the bank then drove the BMW into the bank's
underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the Yoruba man returned, repaid the
$5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have
had your business, and this transaction has worked out
very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that
you are a successful business man. What puzzles us is,
why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Yoruba man replied: "Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks, and pay only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return?"

The bank employees watched as he pulled out of the
garage, windows down and sunroof open. Juju music
blasting from his car, as he pulled away.

Yes O!

The power fist ad with Dbanj is nice and also the vicks lemon plus ad of the girl singing at a concert. I also love the cussons babyb ad, that baby was cute.

@ topic, the test will say negative, duhhhh!
You better have one to give you peace of mind.

And at this day and age knowing the risks of HIV, its surprising that
some people still dont use any protection.

Its a shame.

i dont really care if his attitude stinks, all this playerhating on the thread,
Lets talk about how cute he is and the guys are free to exit this thread, unless they think he's hot too.
But actually he's not as hot as he's big brother Bobo (jide adenuga), he's smoking hot!!!