₦airaland Forum

khiaa:
So if you didn't marry her would she have aborted your child, if so where is the morality in that? You need to stop judging these women when your woman was in the same situation. You are telling these women to keep their legs closed, use protection, well damn, you didn't even use your own wisdom. There is nothing these single moms did that your girl didn't do, the only difference is that she managed to trap you into marriage. Look at yourself before you judge other people.

Where did I say she was pregnant before we got married ? Where ? If a woman can judge a broke man down on his luck, or a man behind his mates in terms of success, why can't we judge these women ? Why the double standard ?

khiaa:
What's with all this disrepect towards single moms. Do your baby mama know this is how you feel about her? You are hating on women who are in the same situation as your woman. I wonder do other people see her the way you see other baby mamas, and why haven't you married her since you are doing so well?

I have married her. Unlike some she refused to carry my child unless I put a ring on it. She actually has morals.

carefreewannabe:
Children are not a burden.

Unless they are your biological or you work for the UN/ world vision of course they are.

CharmO1:
my dear just leave that creature alone. He's here talking like a boss meanwhile women will be stepping all over him in real life.

LOL stepping over me. You can't even find a man who'll accept your lonely and desparate ass. We all know people step all over your ass in real life. Like your daddy father who used you to have sex then leave. Ewu

ephee:
maternal u ar an example of a scrap. u ar of shallow thoughts. who told u single mothers cant get a good responsible man to settle down.it is men like u that make a woman end up as a single mother besides u ar not God so dont judge people.

Statistics. How many African men do you know have married a woman with a child. Compare that with the amount you know who married one without. The odds are against single mothers for good reason. My friend just had a baby with a single mom and is about to marry her. Of course years ago before she was a single mother she paid him no mind. Either way he has brought shame to his family and most of his family members have disowned him. His mother said only her biological grandson can come to her house not the other man's child. Who wants a blended family, nasty. Even in the animal kingdom a male lion will kill the females lions cubs if they are not biological his. It's not normal or natural to a man.

My woman and child are well taken care off. She looked at my potential not my bank account or "swag". She has helped me get where i am in life. As a result I treat
her like a queen. Even if it doesn't work out in the future I will always take care of them till I die. Most of you chose a 419 with "swag", had their baby and now realize you can't raise or build a family with those people. Now you left or he left you and you feel ashamed and bitter you didn't choose the broke student who's now a successful engineer living a good life. You clowns get no pity from me. Continue looking for your mugu who'll inherit your situation. Captain save a baby mama. It will not be me in Jesus name. Next time listen to your parents not your friends when decided who to date.

CharmO1:
Mr Maternal, I'll quote you this last time and won't again cos it's the anonymity that the internet offers that you hide behind to insult your betters because it's people like you I'm training in school and paying salaries to. Your cousin wants to date scrap so that's her problem. I won't accept scrappy men just because a small-minded simpleton like you think I should. I don't need to come to an open platform and defend my past to low-lifes whose only joy in life is ridiculing people on Nairaland. I'm much more than that. What you think about me doesn't matter or even bother me. As for your cousin, send me to me for training I can assure you she'll become a better woman. Already your bad family blood won't allow her have some pride in herself as a woman. Don't jumble all single mothers in the same basket with her please. Some of us have class. Anyway, Mr Maternal, stop walking around with a stick up your a.r,se and iron pellets in your gullet. It's inferiority complex that makes a person talk down on others. Don't allow your low level life blind you from seeing a better future. Kudos. And God bless.

Lol@ some of us have class. Is it not the same action both of you did, and the same situation both of you are in ? She's classless and you're classy ? Either way let's agree to disagree. Goodluck waiting for that guy. You're only getting older while still being a single mother. Two things most good single men avoid when looking for a partner. The longer you wait the more undesirable you will be. Goodluck again. You truly do need god on this one.

CharmO1:
And to all those real men who have large hearts and great minds, who have looked past stigma and stereotype to date or marry single mothers, more grease to your elbows. God will enlarge your territory. And to those who are trying to discourage these strong men, just a reminder KARMA is a cold-blooded woman. Don't forget you have sisters, cousins, mothers and will have daughters one day. Single-motherhood didn't stop at my generation, it will continue as long as the earth remains. I don't wish you what has happened to my family but you have clearly forgotten that "what goes around, comes around". And to those juvenile boys who have made and are making ladies single mothers, I leave you to the God of vengeance. He will sort your matter out.

What about those ladies chosing to have babies for those juvenile boys ? So it's always the boys fault ? Again when will you and those others baby mama take responsibility for YOUR actions ? God gave you people a brain, use it and keep his name out of your mouth when you choose not to use it.

But back to the matter. I have a cousin who's a single mother that gave birth when she was 18. Her parents always warned her but she didn't listen. Now the only men who'll date her are the scraps. No real successful man even entertains her once they found out she has a pikin. Unlike you she realizes her situation and must now live with it. She's not here walking around like a delusional person thinking her chances of pulling a good success man is the same as a childless woman. Respect yourself for goodness sakes.

CharmO1:
This ur poverty is really bothering you. But to be candid it's not ur poverty that limits you, it's your stinky attitude. Grow up and open ur mind a little then poverty will leave u alone. Until you do that, you will always eat stones and granite for breakfast.

Because I don't tell you what you want to hear "I have an attitude" ? You were irresponsible and now you're paying the price as a single mother. Stop making excuses and own your behavior.

ephee:
maternal u ar a learner.am sure u ar one of dem broke ass niggars.

go for ur size nd stop acting fustrated.u can as well end up with ur fellow mgbeke.

Actually I'm doing well financially. And to think after a man makes it he should share that success with someone who will bring nothing but a financial burden in another man's child is comical. Me acting frustrated ? I have a woman and even if I didn't I'm a man, it's not hard to get one nowadays. You single mothers who know deep down the only men you'll ever get are the scraps if you'll get one at all are the frustrated ones.

ephee:
maternal u ar short sighted nd immature. if tables were turned am sure u wil b a complete jerk.

no girl wanted to be a single mum by choice.its circumstances beyond control that led to it which involved a man like u.

Go and sit down. And every broke man want to be poor ? Is it not circumstances as well ? But if a broke man approached any of these girls prior to them being single mothers they would laugh and insult them. Now they're in a unfavorable situation see how humble they are. They want the whole world to feel sympathy for them. Circumstances beyond control ? Close your legs, wear protection, and marry a man based on good moral/values oppose to his bank account. These women need to own up to the poor decision most made. Some are unavoidable I know. Like a widow.

CharmO1:
Now if for instance a single mother's child doesnt live with her and she doesnt ask you for a dime and doesnt even want you to adopt him talk less of training him, would you marry her?

Impossible. How can you share finances as a married couple and be sure not a penny of your hard earned money would go to ANOTHER MAN'S CHILD ? With all the single childless women out there only an idiot would marry a single mother. It's like buying a used car for the same price of a brand new car. Makes no sense. His extended family wouldn't even accept ANOTHER MAN'S CHILD as their own. Single mothers or baby mama's should go sit down. After carry belle for some useless guy you're now looking for a captain save a baby mama.

majekdom2: My argument still remains every government has got it flaws and we all crave for perfection , thats why we got to do our part ...you said strikes in 2014 .... what do we make of the france airline strike that just ended , or the american government agencies that were shut sometime this period last year. The situation in Nigeria is bad , this is not a reason for it to be looked down on. its a bad approach to solving problems.

Are you comparing an airline strike to a medical care strike ?

BraniacX: neither will she be denied emergency treatment in any goverment hospital in Nigeria even during a strike, there are always doctors available to attend to strictly emergency cases.
But as you said, she was taken to a private hospital. I don't know the law but i would like to beleive there is a law that mandates doctors to attend to patients in emergency situations even in private hospitals although enforcement is another thing. Its a pity sha

Excuse me. A family member just passed because he was denied care during a hospital strike. What the hell are you talking about. Even if it was illegal to deny one treatment during a emergency, who would enforce it in that lawless country ? The fact in 2014 we're seeing and talking about trikes shows what a joke that country is. Every civilized country do not play with such essential services such as doctors, police, etc.

BraniacX: and if all nigerians went to canada, how long will it take for the canadian goverment to place travel restrictions on Nigerians? Whearas no restrictions can ever be placed on you here in Nigeria

Boko Haram restricts my movements

BraniacX: i know but the really really expensive proceedures say £200,00 and above are not covered for by the NHS because the goverment spending that amount on one individual automatically and drastically reduces the amount available to spend on other individuals so brits who can afford it, go to france and germany for proceedures the NHS can't cover, others to india. My point is, free healthcare has a monetary cap and you'll be deluding yourself if you think otherwise so i insist, no goverment has all the answers and solutions and no goverment can shoulder all the responsibility

In canada everything is covered.

majekdom2: I understand the feel really .... some really are in a tough situation , they wish Nigeria could be better and offer the kind of treatment they get overseas easily , at the same time ,they dont wish to be there because they know they have got no say over there really. thats why they tend to get mad when they hear peeps talk about being a second citizen

No say

majekdom2: No one is saying you are not getting a first class treatment ... at some point you may need the assistance of your fellow Nigerian and he would deny you that assistance , it may not be a life threatening situation and thats my point . you dont have to look down on anyone if you still do that then you actually have got no good to offer .... building a society is in stages , the taxes you pay is one of the steps. The first and major step which continues in every stage is "loving your next neigbour" and this is where we need to get it right. you dont need to prove to anyone you are getting a first class treatment , do you part in making the country a better place , not just giving advices as you said ,or ideas .... do you part in seeing these advices through fruition.

What if one does their part but the individuals and structure is not compatible to manufacture change ?

BraniacX: and correct me if am wrong, before obamacare, and even after obamacare, every life saving medical proceedure is available to every american right? especially those without insurance right?

While not making excuses for the imperfect system that led to the death of kemi and her baby though i know she would have been attended to without money at a goverment hospital but not released until payment is complete, bottom line is, no system and goverment is perfect

She would have been released. The real bottom line is she would have probably been alive today.

majekdom2: The doctor is a Nigerian like you ... this has been my point ... it dont matter where you are , an average black man is wicked ,full of greed and envious ... its about time the orientation changes ... you may need something very important where you are and your fellow Nigerian over there would deny you.

Over here would deny him ? We're talking about a life and death situation. This isn't about borrowing milk from your neighbor. A relative of mine also recently died in the same manner. The reason nigerians abroad "look down" on nigerians in Nigeria is because most are idiots who know nothing about building a civilized society. When you try to educate them they dismiss you. We'll ladies and gentlemen this is why you pay a lot of taxes. Those mocking those who live abroad "paying all those taxes" this is exactly why you must do it here. So when you need emergency medical care you get it period regardless of your income.

As for those who claim people abroad get treated like 2nd class citizens. Is this how a 1st class citizens are treated there? Dying in a hospital because of no money ? I've heard of dogs in distress getting emergency medical care. Keep your 1st class treated I'd rather get treated as a 2nd class citizen in another man's country. I still get better treatment than a 1st class naija citizen.

Nwa4Jesus: I am a single mother of one. From d story behide it, my baby father wants me to abort d baby n I refused so he back off n I face d chanellages blc I val not to abort my baby. So tell me am I bad? Its not that I don't have d money for d abort or my mates are nt doing it but I promised God that I will never abort if I take in my relationship. Be wise when concluding issues that u don't know blc d ones without baby does nt means the are virgil Mary.

9

So you were having casual sex and not using all the protection out there which a woman can use. You obviously never discussed having a child with him. You fell pregnant and he didn't want the child which makes sense because it was never discussed. Now you're looking for captain save a baby mama to come and save you ? Inherit that man's child and train him or her while the father is alive and well breathing. I find that insulting

CharmO1: Wow! Many comments, mostly negative. I'm a single mother. I did the same thing many ladies have done and will always do: s3x. But I did what only a brave woman with a conscience would do, I kept my son. I laughed when I read some HELL NO's. Better a tokunbo. Car than a car that was wrecked in an accident and then panel-beat, repainted, and repackaged as new. I haven't had issues with men looking down on me because I'm independent and I don't even allow a man I'm dating meet my son. I don't want my son seeing different men in my life. It's only that lucky man that would have the priviledge of meeting him though adopting him is out of the question cos my family won't let him out of their sight. Fertility is not guaranteed because a woman has given birth but there's a higher chance of fertility and if there are no kids after marriage, then na the man get problem be that. As someone rightly said, it takes a mature mind and a good heart to be with a single mother because honestly we hardly trust because we've been hurt deeply before. I haven't met any promiscuous single mother. Strangely, most single mothers can close legs tight because of fear of being used and dumped. My advice to single mothers, don't be desperate, rely on God's time. It will happen for you too. And also be financially independent so no man calls you a gold-digger. And no matter what love your child/children because a man can break your heart and abandon you but your kid(s) are yours forever.

Nobody wants to hear your story, just as you wouldn't hear a broke man's story if he asked for your hand in marriage before you had your child. Of course you would have laughed in his face and say no. It's funny how all these naija women who have a unrealistic list of what a man should be or have before they marry him become so humble now as single mothers. I'd rather die a honorable death than marry a single mother. Me raising another man's child? Over my dead body.

Someone bragged about making 100k naira so 600 usd a month. Then they go and mock some who come here and start as cleaners. Which is rare. Either way I know someone who came here when he was older and was a cleaner for a university. He is currently retired and living a life his mates could only dream off. One guy I know who first did it was making around 20 usd dollar per hour cleaning. So he was making around 3200 dollars per month cleaning. Not to mention he has the luxuries around him (running water and all) most in naija can dream off. My point is 90 percent of the population in naija aren't even close to be better off than cleaners abroad. Yet you guys open your mouth to mock them. Insanity

100k naira equals around 610 usd per month. That's basically poverty over here.

Chinom: That shows you how deeply hurt they are. The bunch of losers are still trying hard to convince us that they ran away from Nigeria because Nigeria is a useless country and a shithole. They ran away because of crushing poverty to the point of starvation. They still can not afford to come back because of the same poverty. Both of the mind and of the pocket.

How many times have i said here that i don't have any problem with one travelling out. But if you as a person don't possess the means to return home and settle. Be a man to admit it. Do not hide behind cliches about Nigeria. As per Nigerians carrying Foreign passports, are you guys (the Losers) aware that many of our leaders have or have had British and American passports. Right now in Lagos, there are a sizeable chunk of second generation Nigerian Americans and British living and working in Nigeria. Tune into some radio stations in Lagos and listen to the accents of some of the presenters.
I no know why this issue dey pain some guys so much. I have spoken to many Nigerians in Europe who admitted to me that they will relocate as soon as the can gather enough money to start a decent life in Nigeria. There was no issue of light no dey, or roads are not good.

Lol@ tune into the radio station. So you're taking guys like banky or 99.9 host as examples ? The same banky who left naija to get away from ebola when it was an issue as is currently in NYC for medical care relaxing. These people are just there to make money in naija then leave. They don't care about no change.

majekdom2: have you ever challenged any of the government officials when they come to canda to spend,or you smile at them to show you love .... just asking .or it isnt your business ?? there was a video I watched where a nigerian stood up against some nigerian politicians holding meeting in new york. have you done such ?

Yes all the time. They're are all clowns with blood on their hands. Professional thiefs. I even boycotted a previous independence celebration. All the money the government spent yet the common man in naija is suffering. Disgusting. I'm in a civilized country so I can speak my mind without doing me like Ken.

saxywale: 3000 is even on the high side. 2years ago, a minister in Canada was forced to resign from politics because she spent 16 pounds on orange juice on a official trip to the UK.

Imagine that happening in Nigeria.

https://www.nairaland.com/981667/canada-minister-resigns-after-buying

http://uk.mobile.reuters.com/article/idUKBRE8620YI20120703?irpc=932

They also face discipline action. Currently several high profile politicians in canada are about to go on trial or already been charged. One senator claimed the prime minister was also involved. If enough evidence is provided the pm will also stand trial in front of the whole country.

Recently the auditor general which audits every penny government official spend said the pm spent too much money on travel. He had to go in front of him and give a reasonable reason why he went over the budget. Any government official who is caught being corrupted is charged and forced to pay back the money with interest. There's also hot lines where you can report corrupted government officials and the police will investigate it. I never thought I'd ever live in such a civilized country in my life. Nigeria is a joke.

Meanwhile you see all the corrupted officials coming here buying houses for their retirement as they would never live in naija if they weren't there looting. Or they come for medical care. They also relocate all their children here getting them citizenship. Only these foolish patriacts think there's a future there even when the people responsible for making the country better are running away.

justwise: [b]

Don't take them seriously, they traveled, collected foreign passport then return back to preach patriotism, if boko haram throw even fireworks at their back yard they will be first to board the next available flight back to the west

My brotha I see dem all the time. They go "back" for a year max and start running back. After that they stop such talk. All it takes is one real life experience then they'll shut up.

Chinom: For the first time, i like your post. I like it because you have removed all those cliches about Nigeria being a ' Useless' country. A shithole and all that crap. I have NEVER been against migration. Anybody is free to choose where he or she wants to live. What galls me are people who come here to instigate young Nigerians to leave the country because it's 'useless' to them. I am very convinced that people move for personal reasons. I am aware of Nigerians who you may consider poor by your own standards, but who will NOT leave Nigeria even if a Visa and resident permit was thrown at their lap. My own cousin is a good example of that.
Most of you commentators here make generalisations that every Nigeria if given the opportunity would emigrate. That is totally not true. I can tell you now that very few middle class Nigerians will choose to live in the west anno 2014. Our eyes are opened now. There are very legitimate reasons why someone may choose to remain in Nigeria despite our poor infrastructure.

The reasons why my children carry red passports are entirely not your business. There is also nothing wrong with that. The issue has never been what colour of passport one carries, but why one chooses to live where he lives.

Stop insulting our intelligence. You're children have that red passports because it will better their lives. No other reason. The same luxury they have that the average nigerian youth can only dream about.

I know these people. Ndi "let's go save Nigeria". They'll come abroad, get a foreign passport then "go" home to help out. Most of the time their immediate family stays behind, and if they come they're one plane ride away. It's a win win situation for them. Yet they have the mouth to tell people who only have that useless green passport not to go look for a better life abroad. Ask them to denounce their Canadian, American, uk, or Australian passport dey go shout. My life including my children's would be finished if I stayed. Both my parents would also be 6 feet under as they have medical issues which the typical incompetent nigerian doctor couldn't solve. Survival is human nature. Let those who want to migrate, migrate. And if they decide not to comeback and help leave them alone. After all Nigeria didn't do anything for them, now you want them to spend their prime years helping to fix a country which has never cared for them.

InvertedHammer: /
The fact is that everyone has different level of tolerance.

In my case, I got frustrated because the things I used to take for granted became luxury while in Nigeria.
So you know, I left Nigeria when I was 19. I attended Secondary School and then moved to ABU, Zaria for 1 year before I left Nigeria.
So, I am talking as someone who has witnessed both worlds.

My biggest issue was the concept of time. Appointments do not mean much because most people do not keep to time. Blame other factors (hold up, TP, ego, etc) too. Someone has to be paid unofficially to get anything done.

As I stated, I drove myself. And I very well knew that if we ever got into an accident, we are "gonners!". So I had to teach the two individuals that go with a crash course on Basic Life Support (CPR). And in some situations where we had security details with us, I made sure everyone went through the training because you never know. Things like these I would worry less of where I live now.

N3k minimum to power generator daily? And at the end of the month, the PHCN bill would come in and they expected payment. Payment for no light?

One peculiar thing about Nigeria is that once you make money, the first thing is to imprison yourself--(high wall with barbed wires).

What I do not understand is why Nigerians equate criticism to enmity. People criticize because they care. A lot of folks "mouthing off" here still live under the care of their parents, so they will never understand. But reality will set in when they graduate and life in Nigeria throws them a curve ball.
/

Well said. Add in the children/Family aspect it's not worth it.

majekdom2: they choose to be a blessing to Nigerians.... They will be remembered for that. He could have still died prematurely overseas.

Who will remember him for that ? He most likely would still be alive if he stayed overseas, that's the point.

majekdom2: how do you deal with the school shootings happening now in America... I read the story of a Nigerian got shoot some months back by some students in ohklohoma.

I don't live in America. Either way I'm sure whoever did the shooting was brought to justice. How many arrests have been made in the kidnapping of the girls ?