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WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 9:00pm On Dec 04, 2009
LMAO these two guys missed their way to the comedy section.

Mamb0snake: In case you didnt get it the first time, you can never find any info about me on cole8. You have NOTHING on me. Repeat it to yourself in front of the mirror until you believe it.

As for the phone number, I gave you already and now I have removed it. Sorry, you were not fast enough,

DUAL CORE. If you do not want your name to be used, just delete your account and create a new one. Oh, sorry, you cant delete your account. Well, you can change your email to a fictitious one e.g HHJDJjkdkHJHJie8728292@mail.com . The site will lock you out, send an activation email to the wrong email, and as such your account will be lost forever. Then you can create a new account with a name you will answer to. *Hisses* undecided And when I said you should get a paying job, I meant something that will make you answerable to someone, not for the money, but because you sound pathetic and lonely. Sorry about that.

And Dual-Core keeps talking about "doing something to me". Like WHAT? You don't even know NADA about me? Isn't that a rather silly thing to say then?

@Topic: Sorry about these two guys, Dual Core stalked me down here from another thread and now Mambenaje has joined in.

@Moderator: You may lock this thread if you wish, the information has been passed on and the thread seems to be rolling out of control, tongue tongue
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 8:34pm On Dec 04, 2009
Dual Core, go and get a paying job and stop living on NL. LOL. Of course I expect you to reply that you work for yourself, LOL
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 8:31pm On Dec 04, 2009
Hi people, the following includes my opinions and some things I have learnt, and I do not intend to argue about my views (as I have learnt here on NL), for reasons best known to myself.

@All the Atheists on this thread:
By definition, no one knows what lies outside their tiny circle of knowledge. To claim you know there is no God is to claim you have exhaustively searched every part of every universe and dimension with an infallibly accurate method of detecting every non-physical entity that could possibly exist. The claim that God has taken the initiative and chosen to reveal himself to some people is not nearly as unbelievable.

Don't be like a blind person trying to convince himself that because he has never seen, everyone else claiming to see must be mistaken. In the realm beyond your present experience amazing things could dwell - even a God poised to shatter your insensibility to him.

Are you ready for the most daring adventure? Try saying this:

God, I would like you to show me if you exist. If you are God, you are so superior to me that I cannot put demands on you. Anything you choose to show me must be on your terms - your time and your method. I can understand you not showing yourself to people who have little desire to know you. I will demonstrate my genuineness by at least reading the material presented here, looking for clues that might help open me to your revelation. And why should you bother revealing yourself to someone who would continue to ignore you anyway? If you show me there is a God who made me and wants the best for me, I will give you your rightful place as God of my life by obeying and trusting your love and wisdom.

That prayer opens the most exciting possibilities in the cosmos.
@All those saying that all "religions" are the same
That's what many religions teach, so [size=13pt]you have nothing to lose by ignoring them and concentrating on Jesus, who declared that if you don't surrender to him, you have everything to lose[/size]. (John 14:6; Acts 4:10-12) You and I are simply not in a position to claim to know more about spiritual reality than the greatest religious teacher earth has seen - Jesus. He upheld the Scriptures which insist that all other religions offend God. (Deuteronomy 32:16-20; Matthew 5:17-19)

What I mean is that if I was in a position to choose between many options, and one of them shows clearly that I will lose EVERYTHING else if I do not select it, while the other ones are not so clear in their definition, isn't it logically correct to see that the PROBABILITIES do not balance out? The conditional probability leans heavily in Jesus' favour, even if you do not want to believe otherwise.

To the casual observer, wild mushrooms are all much the same and who cares anyhow? But when there is nothing else to eat, it becomes rather important whether the variety you choose is poisonous. And if you eat nothing for weeks, indecision becomes as deadly as the worse decision.

New Agers and others mutilate all the unique features of Jesus' teaching, distorting Christianity into a form of eastern religion and surprise, surprise, when comparing this grotesque perversion with other religions, it begins to look as if 'all religions are much the same.'
@All other non-Christians thinking there's nothing in it for them:
You are right to reject a religion that's a list of dos and don'ts, or a gathering of dour-faced, self-righteous Bible thumpers. Jesus would reject it too. Anything Jesus is involved in is vibrant, liberating, compassionate, powerful and supernatural.

People dismiss Christianity on the basis of an outsider's glance, like a little girl-hating boy certain he will always detest lovemaking. Knowing Jesus is more wonderful than the uninitiated could dream.

All yearning is a yearning for Jesus, discovered someone enjoying the ultimate adventure. The love, excitement, challenge, fulfilment and understanding we crave are found in the One who made us.

Jesus likened the Christian spiritual experience to buried treasure. Millions walk passed it, never suspecting the wonders that lie below the surface. Anyone who makes the discovery, however, would eagerly trade for it everything they had previously treasured, like trading trinkets for truckloads of diamonds.

To attempt description of the benefits of spiritual union with Jesus sounds as hollow and self-centred as listing receiving a gold ring as a benefit of marrying the most wonderful person. It's like dissecting the most exquisite, priceless flower and offering the individual parts to the highest bidder. Moreover, it sounds like hype - just too good to be believable. This is to be expected. We were made to enjoy the God who made us, so it is hardly surprising that a relationship with him will fulfil our deepest longing. Nevertheless, it still sounds too good to be true,
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 8:09pm On Dec 04, 2009
^^^^^^ undecided Can someone tell me what this guy is feeling like or what is eating into him? I thought you said on another thread that you had an illusory rhinoceros-thick skin and nothing gets to you? I don't forget things, you see?
WebmastersRe: Joomla, Anyone? by mavenbox: 4:05pm On Dec 04, 2009
Wonderful sites can be done in Joomla, but if you, like me, are a Joomla "expert", you will recognize Joomla jobs ASAP

e.g. www.clubdrivelocity.com was a lovely Nigerian site I visited yesterday. It was hard to tell, but I found out it was a Joomla job.

Joomla makes your work faster, but at the expense of site load speed, and some restrictions in the layout.

I said some things about Joomla in the past:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-344739.0.html#msg4837692
The truth is that Wordpress enjoys so much support, but Joomla is much easier to use, and with the Joomla extensions directory, you can get almost any plugin to do anything with.

Also, Joomla sites are basically the same in the backend, your template is what makes the site worth looking at. With wordpress, you need to hack PHP files to get your template to do what you want, but at the end of some long nights with cups of coffee, you'll be just fine!

The major problem with Joomla so far is that it isnt as fast loading as might be preferred. Wordpress beats it hands down there.

sad
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-344739.0.html#msg4839955"
@DHTML: True. But that is d least problem, i think, cos it can be solved using javascript packers. I usually use Dean Edward's online packer, gives 30 to 40% compression, on ALL d Joomla js files b4 using d Joomla installer package.

The 2 other issues, for me, are
1. Joomla core framework outputs table-based layout instead of lean, tableless layouts using Divs & Css. We all know tables are far, far heavier than Divs. The solution is to rework &recode the framework for urself, and its not a small task. I guess this may be solved in Joomla 1.6

2. Plugins/Mambots. The richer &more functional your site is, the more the plugins &modules u av used. Good for modules, u can select d pages that u want each module to appear on. But with plugins, ALL of them are loaded into every page, most often into the head of the page. E.g. U av a 130 page site but only 8 pages need a heavy set of plugins, yet all d 130 pages will suffer for it. There's yet no lazy loading controller that one can use to decide which pages will use what plugins, except i have time to code one.

I av used Joomla actively for 3 yrs & i think there are other issues but these 3 are the most serious, as easy as it is to use Joomla.
If you have more questions, let's hear em.  smiley
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 3:52pm On Dec 04, 2009
O ye of little faith embarassed

I am removing the number now.
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 3:42pm On Dec 04, 2009
Okay

(removed)

Call the number at your own risk
Forum GamesRe: If U Were At The Previous Poster's Naming. . . by mavenbox: 3:28pm On Dec 04, 2009
Amila! (A million smiles)
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 3:27pm On Dec 04, 2009
@mambenanje: You also want some? undecided

lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

grin grin grin I am not a terrorist o, I just don't like how you guys are derailing the thread and Dual Core was making it sound like we had something going. Dont let my honeybunny get you, y'hear?

Okay, start over?
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 3:24pm On Dec 04, 2009
PapaBrowne:
@Wirinet

Let me give you a slight analogy.
Imagine for one moment a set of twins in their mother's womb.

One twin says : "Hey, we have a mother. She is responsible for all that we are. We exist because she allowed some guy somewhere between her legs.We are alive because she eats and drinks. She cares so much for us that she goes regularly to a guy called doctor for something called ante-natal".
"Sometimes I hear her speak to us. She calls us babies. She loves us so much that she would do anything for us.
She says we give her joy. I hear it. She keeps thinking about us every moment".

The other twin replies. "What are you talking about. You are just imagining things. There is nothing like Mother. Have you ever seen her? If you say she speaks to us, how come I never hear her? Hey fella, I am on the side of "what you see, is what you get" No hidden charges or bonuses. I wouldn't waste my time thinking about some Mother  that you've just imagined up".
"If truly we have a mother, why can't she come get us out of this blood soaked tight sac that we've been locked up in since conception".

Twin one says": If only you understood you wouldn't speak like this. She loves us so much that she is going to endure the most grueling pain of her life just to get us out of here. It won't be long, we would be out of here in her arms, free to move around and at the same time feel her love.
She would give us bosom to suck, food to eat, she would bathe us and put us to bed. So much love she would give to us.

The other twin: All this your talk looks too good to be true. However, I only believe in things I see. I don't see a mother, So I know I don't have one. I'll rather wait till that 9 months you keep talking about is over, then maybe I'll believe.


This analogy gives you a perfect picture on our relationship with God. You don't have to see to believe. The mere fact that a baby can't see or feel the presence of it's mother doesn't mean the mother doesn't exist.
For me, I know for sure that I didn't make my digestive system, neither did I do anything to ensure that my lungs process oxygen. I know for sure that it has all been regulated by my creator.

Hey Atheists, we all know atheism is a ruse and it exists solely because God exists. If believers in God are wrong, then there should be no need for such a thing as atheism.
GBOSA!!! PAPA BROWNE has done it again!!

Kay 17:
your analogy is improper, because you did not state the means thru which the first twin became aware of the existence of the mother. that was crucial to the story. and the boundary that lies between theists and atheists.
@Kay 17: If you expect to have a PHYSICAL thing that will totally explain away a Spiritual (say, non-physical) Truth, then you go wait tire undecided I think this is still one of the best shots I have seen at such an explanation that the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 1:55am On Dec 04, 2009
@PapaBrowne: Good one.
Forum GamesRe: If U Were At The Previous Poster's Naming. . . by mavenbox: 12:52am On Dec 04, 2009
Sweetiemuffs, Im coming onto yahoo msger right now! cheesy
Christianity EtcRe: Now That Banom Is Born Again: by mavenbox: 12:34am On Dec 04, 2009
@Davidylan: LOL Long time, hope you're cool?

@Topic: Now that Banom is Born Again, it's time for others to follow suit! grin
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 12:29am On Dec 04, 2009
@Dual Core: You too talk abeg. undecided

@Worldbest: To my knowledge he used Java: JSP and Glassfish
Forum GamesRe: If U Were At The Previous Poster's Naming. . . by mavenbox: 12:27am On Dec 04, 2009
The Cleek

*@Kunbee: (runs to her and hugs her, how are u doing? Missed you lots! I know u didnt miss me though)*
Christianity EtcRe: Contradiction In Proverbs? Answering Fools by mavenbox: 10:53pm On Dec 03, 2009
@SeanT21: Seeklove put a good lid on it! I couldn't have said it better!!!

@Seeklove: Kudos
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 10:49pm On Dec 03, 2009
@Frizy: I know you in real life, and also on facebook. Very interesting! You speak the EXACT same way here as you do in life, and on facebook.
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 10:10pm On Dec 02, 2009
@posakosa: simply put, i had, over time, built a bias against most of your posts on this religion section, but your objectivity on this thread has lowered my bias. But then, you dont need to worry about it. Pls ignore the needless comment,
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 5:10pm On Dec 01, 2009
@Dual Core:
So I guess you won't mind coding with me in Boo (http://boo.codehaus.org/)? undecided
LiteratureRe: Grime [a Romantic Short Story] by mavenbox(op): 4:55pm On Dec 01, 2009
Thanks MyJoe! grin kiss
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 3:05pm On Dec 01, 2009
@Dual-Core: I am cool, how about you? (And what languages do you code in, by the way?)
LiteratureRe: Grime [a Romantic Short Story] by mavenbox(op): 2:09pm On Dec 01, 2009
Comments and criticisms are very welcome!
Forum GamesRe: If U Were At The Previous Poster's Naming. . . by mavenbox: 2:06pm On Dec 01, 2009
U-no-dey-tire
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 1:49pm On Dec 01, 2009
@Dual-Core: undecided

P.S:
He only told u few days back? See how unfaithful men can beee? I don tell you, come collect that license make we for get chance change things.
Please keep your hands in your own pockets. Or your girlfriend's pockets, lipsrsealed
LiteratureGrime [a Romantic Short Story] by mavenbox(op): 1:12pm On Dec 01, 2009
Coming back from a tiring day at work, Ifedayo could expect his door handle, keyhole and his foot mat to be smeared with a special whole new kind of dirt, and it was never the same colour or smell as the one he had to be wary of when climbing the stairs. And he was never, ever, disappointed. It was evident that the neighbours' kids used to come and ogle and glare at his desktop computer through the keyhole, jostling to see this immobile creature that was expatriate to the whole village of Agbepo, and their daily struggle always left their signatures behind. Grime. Dirt. Streams of mucus. Threads and streaks of matter from children who had recently given the latrine a handshake. Great.

Ifedayo had been detailed to carry out his National Youth Service Corps program in Agbepo village as a means of giving back to the nation after concluding his undergraduate studies in Health Science and Technology at a renowned Southern University in Nigeria. He had not been aware of the fashion trends in the village, for the Agbepo village people were obsessed with grime, enough to make pigs turn green. At first, he was exasperated in disgust, but he consoled himself with the idea that the village had only advanced in fashion (because what-with upcoming fashion trends worldwide, to the tune of dressing scantily, wearing cut-jeans and rags, etc, who knows if dirt wouldn't be the in-thing by the year 2084?). For now, he just ignored the villagers and imagined they didn't exist.

Imagination is such a futile human effort, he decided, as he stepped on a wrap of gooey stuff that someone had lost interest in. He went to the backyard, got a stone and carefully scraped off the eba stuck to his shoes.

He returned to the front, inspecting the floor before making any footstep, and opened his door, wiping his hands on tissue paper afterwards. No use smelling his hands, he just had lunch and didn’t want to vomit. He stepped into his clean room, possibly the only clean domain for a mile around. But clean, too, was a transient adjective, because under one minute his room was flooded with kids who didn't wash, or if they did, must have done so with the sort of water that is native to drainages and trenches.

Amidst the strong wave of stenches, he heard "Welcome COPPER ! What have you bringed to us today?" as they struggled to show the efficiency of the little village school. So he opened his bag and shared sweets amongst them. Of course, he had to pick up the wrappers after they had left. Not only that, but he needed a once-over on the room with his broom and hard-brush to eliminate the clods of soil that they had embedded in his carpet, originating from the soles of their feet.

He needed a bath. Then he found out that two or three of the kids had wiped their hands on his towel. The substance was blackish-green, but it had the constitution of okra seeds. His heart sank as he folded the towel and threw it in the laundry basket. Armed with his face-towel, he went outside and picked up his bucket beside the door. Without any enquiry or evaluation, he knew it was smeared with kernel oil, and had some kitchen liquid waste. It also had some sputum generated from the household's chewing sticks. He needed no soothsayer to tell of it, this was an everyday routine practice.

Taking the bucket and some soap, he went to the riverside, encouraging himself to endure it all. He had almost one year to go, of which he had spent less than a month. The wind was very strong and the trees swayed in a rhumba dance. Tiny drops of water hit his face. It wasn't going to rain. One of the young men walking in front had spat in the wind.

As he turned the final road bend towards the river, he saw, and he stood still and stared at the paragon of beauty.

"I must be mad", he cautioned himself, "to be seeing things at this time in the evening. And I don't even drink!"

But this was a picture to drink in, because she was truly beautiful. Lips, Hips, and Fingertips. His brain said he was crazy to call an Agbepo woman beautiful, but his heart hastily overruled that objection. Quickening his stride, he decided that if she used very good clothes, she would beat the last five Miss Nigeria Beauty Queens hands-down.

And she was staring at the waters, her long jet-black hair caressing the winds.

As she turned and faced him, Ifedayo's knees quaked because she was even prettier than he initially thought. And she was CLEAN!

"I must be dreaming. Let me make the best of it while it lasts", thought Ifedayo. He sincerely hoped she couldn't hear his amplified heartbeat.

The ravishing lulu asked him, "Hey! Why are you staring at me? I'm not a ghost or something, you know?"

That clinched the deal. This chic had a voice like crystals in waterfalls, creating a dizzying sensation, and she spoke very good fluent English with a mouth-watering accent.

"Who, who are you?” stammered Ifedayo.

She smiled a pretty, broad smile and said, "I see. You are surprised that I don't look like these villagers. Okay, will you promise not to run away if I tell you?"

"Why should I run?” grinned Ifedayo.

"Okay". Assuming a deep frown, she said, "I am Yemoja, Queen-Goddess of the Waters. I arise from the River every Wednesday before any market-day to decide how much the fish, crabs, shrimps, prawns and other water-related products will sell for. Are you satisfied?"

Ifedayo's wide grin froze, and he contemplated fight, flight or fright but none seemed to work. He was entranced. He kept on looking at the goddess.

The goddess snapped her fingers at his ears and waved her hands in front of his face, saying "Hello! Anyone home?"
Ifedayo cleared his throat and said, "Well, what can I say?" and then she burst out laughing, holding her ribs.

"I was only kidding you! I'm a youth corper as well; I just arrived in the village last week because something went wrong with my former posting. I work at the village primary school as a Mathematics teacher", and she reached into her pocket and flashed her I.D. card at him for emphasis.

"So, Adeshewa, why were you staring at the waters?"

Now it was her turn to gape.
"How did you know my name?"

He smiled. "I forgot to tell you that I am Ifa . Yeah, right. I saw your I.D. card. I'm very quick and observant."

She smiled. Then her smile dropped, and she said,
"Okay. I've always wanted to swim, I really wish I could."
"I can! Let me teach you!"
"When?"
"Right now!"
"That's so scary. I don't even know the first thing about swimming!"
"Don't worry. I'll be your trainer, lifeguard and instructor all at once. Get ready for the time of your life!!"

A big lie. It was the time of his life. They split, each one to get their swimwear, and met again at the riverside.

A young man suddenly ran round the corner, got to the riverside, and oblivious to the presence or existence of any other entity at the riverside, he picked up a half-eaten loaf of bread from the dumps. Dancing from side to side, jumping dramatically in a bid to keep a lid on his gradually accelerating ordure, and with sweat massaging his face; the young man split the half-loaf in two and crouched to make an unholy sandwich. He stood up feeling relieved and tossed the newly-packaged fish-snack into the river. Adeshewa giggled playfully and pointed at the young man, but Ifedayo didn't seem to notice; he was trying to control his own mind from entering the physical realm and doing a wild jig, as he stood beside the pretty Adeshewa in her brand-new swimsuit, ready to teach her to swim.

Some unidentifiable debris streamed across the face of the waters, but Ifedayo didn't care. The power of Love was far greater than the Yuk factor.

He spread his arms wide apart and carried her on his back. Feeling her rapid heartbeat against his strong back, he began the swimming demonstration; stroking and wading through the polluted waters; the many waters that the wise King Solomon said cannot quench the power of love.

THE END

(c) Mavenbox April 2006

Glossary:
Eba: Cassava farina pudding-cake
Ifa: Yoruba god of Divination
Okra: The vegetable otherwise known as ladys' fingers, found in long mucilaginous green pods & often simmered or sautéed, used especially in soups and stews
Yemoja: Yoruba Water goddess
Christianity EtcRe: I Denounce Atheism, I Am Now A Born Again Christian. by mavenbox: 1:05pm On Dec 01, 2009
@Banom: Welcome to the family! Welcome to the elect of the Godhead! I am very happy for you. Never forget, you are the salt of the earth; a city set on a hill whose lamp cannot be hid. If men do not taste the flavour of your conversion experience, of what use will it be? If your neighbours still stumble in darkness in the wake of your light, what is the essence of soteria? (Your altogether complete salvation). God bless you!

@Naysayers: Get THE life! cool grin

@Posakosa: Correct guy! LOL For once I am actually agreeing with you. Maybe I will read your future posts with less bias, in view of this objectivity you have displayed on this thread. I thought my own was too much.
Christianity EtcRe: Now That Banom Is Born Again: by mavenbox: 1:00pm On Dec 01, 2009
Wow, this thread has made my day, after being away from NL for so long, Now let me go over to Banom's thread and make my comment,
RomanceRe: If You Were To Date Any One On Nairaland Who Would You Pick? by mavenbox: 10:58am On Nov 27, 2009
@tonjoan: Thanks! cheesy
WebmastersRe: What Is The Easiest Way To Learn Dreamweaver by mavenbox: 6:48am On Nov 26, 2009
@DualCore: hey give me some credit! I clicked thru your profile, saw your website link and gleaned it from your site footer, it took less than 10 seconds! What stalking do u refer to?  undecided
WebmastersRe: Ushering In Cole8 Nigeria (collate Nigeria) The #1 Nigerian Search Engine! by mavenbox(op): 6:41am On Nov 26, 2009
Cool! 2 weeks ago? The guy just told me some few days ago, how did u get to hear of the engine?
WebmastersRe: What Is The Easiest Way To Learn Dreamweaver by mavenbox: 6:31am On Nov 26, 2009
@DualCore: Come all the way into Nigeria, into Rivers state, into PH, into TransAmadi cos of a Dreamweaver license that I already have? LWKM u r a joker. Mistakenly made the order twice? this guy, undecided Try another line, im enjoying it. But dont hope cos i aint coming!
ComputersRe: How Do I Upgrade Form Win Vista Sp2 To Win 7? by mavenbox: 6:18am On Nov 26, 2009
@Jonescosmo: You should have an index file on your root. For instance, all your confidential files on ftp://209.217.203.9/ are available for all men (well, err, and women) to peruse.

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