nonxo007:
Why do our male actors and celebrities most times end up like this ? After glorious years in their area of specialisation they end up in the streets or they end up sick and bedridden seeking donations. Seems fame blocked their mind from future realities.
Young men never allow the Little money or fame you have acquired cloud your mind of the reality of old age when you wouldn't have the strength to work as you do now, create a future for yourself so that at old age all you need do is relax and enjoy the benefits of the struggle of your youth.

Most men get carried away by fame/wealth. The moment a man acquires wealth, he spends a large chunk of his money in pimping different kinds of women thereby forgetting the need to invest heavily. He keeps reminding himself that he’d always make more money for investment until it all vanishes. Trust women at that point in time, they use different strategies to milk off everything you’ve got then leave you at your lowest to the next available man.

PS: I’d always advise men to invest and take care of their family the moment they start making good money because that’ll be all you’ve got when the chips are down.

emmaodet:


Thanks, my day was great and yours?
The records are in the court, 8 out of 10 people seeking for divorce are women.

By "above me or my mate " do you mean financially - Financially

It is okay, we are all here to learn and re-learn

I think you should look beyond finance. As a man you should be looking for a woman who is not just intelligent but loyal and have set
goals in life. If you are looking for a woman who's at per with you financially it wouldn't be that difficult to find but I think there'd be competition amongst you two plus it would be kinda difficult for the woman to be loyal to you (especially when the chips are down). The reason why there's high rate of divorce is because lots of people marry for the wrong reason. Technically, all mundane things fade away after 3-5 years of marriage.
There are lots of anecdotal stories I would have mentioned but hey! this is an open forum.

My day was amazing, thanks.

emmaodet:


You made some valid points but I beg to differ on some - It's okay. We can always agree to disagree.

What's your yardstick for going into a relationship with the opposite sex - Naturally, it should be love, faithfulness, commitment, endurance, hard-work but it seems nowadays, these are what are only expected from men and not from both anymore. The moment a man runs out of money, divorce or breaking of relationship by women surfaces in the horizon. It seems there is no penalty or shaming tactics put in place to discourage such act. You will start experiencing a cold relationship, frictions, reduction or total absence of sex etc and the woman can decide to cut short the relationship/marriage without any uproar or raise of eye brow.

I'd use myself as an example - ok

the least thing that'll make me date a man is his looks or how buoyant he is. If a man is intellectually and morally bankrupt, bereft of principles in life then it's a 'no' for me because I can't date a man who's not on same page with me.
I will admonish men to look beyond beauty and focus on important things when searching for a partner. - You are right.

You mentioned men dating governors daughters and be of best behaviour cause of what they stand to lose if they act otherwise...lol, you haven't seen men who do and jeopardise everything still - That is reason i said unless something is wrong with such men. A man with a properly screwed head on his neck won't do that.

Anything built on material benefits will never stand the test of time when life happens to one person(life will always happen to us in different ways). - You are right but it is so unfortunate that most women nowadays enter relationship because of what they can get and not entering with ''sense of duty'' Go to magistrate courts in ikeja or ibadan as a case study and you will be shocked that 80% of people applying for divorce are women. They are tired, not interested in the marriage anymore because husband has lost his source of income and they are suffering etc

So try not to lower the bar when getting into a relationship, there are intelligent women who would help you grow in all facets of your existence, they are out there you just haven't looked within - Believe me, it is not as easy as you think. Hypergamy is one factor really affecting women. A woman who perceives you are equal (which shouldn't be a bad thing because it will make both party work effectively) will automatically lose interest in a guy because she BELIEVES she worth more than that and selling herself short. E.g A lady nurse will always look down on a male nurse and always believes she deserves the doctor and not stoop low by dating a nurse, to her, she is above the man. A female teacher believes a male teacher of same rank are not mate and so the distortion keeps growing.
The ladies i like and want won't want to settle down with me because they are either above me or my mate, so what do i do next? i won't have a choice than to go down.

How did you come up with the 80% figure..lol, when an individual(male/female) is not family oriented they'd always see divorce as the only option to challenges in marriage. Well, I've always been a sucker for genuine love and uprightness every other thing will fall in place. I mean what's the essence of marriage if not peace and happiness?
By "above me or my mate " do you mean financially or age wise ? because I never attributed anything to finance in my write up.

Before you reply because it's seeming like we have loads of opinion on this, i hope you had a great day?

NeeKlaus:

You encouched everything beautifully and as rational as could be.

People disregard the act of reciprocity in relationships these days. For most people, it's always about what they can get and not what they will give, abandoning the whole essence of relationships in the first place - companionship and sacrifice.

I won't be bias; both genders are guilty of it. While the males are usually after sexual gratification without actually loving truly, the females desire financial upliftment. As long as the guy can shower them with gifts, take them on trips and fund their faux lifestyles, they are content till they find a richer guy who will take over from where the former left off.

But it's not meant to be so. Relationships should be anything but selfish else, it turns into something very toxic. I already replied the OP in the first page and it's shameful that most women still proudly have that mindset. The Nigerian environment contributes to this anyway, so I am not surprised.

I like your thought process. Seems like you are capable of intellectually stimulating convos.
Are you single?

Thanks for the compliment.
I am single but I really do not know if that's got to do with anything

emmaodet:


You came on so hard on my gender - Sorry just have to express my mind.It is a common trend in nigeria we have to frown at so that the coming generation will be better than us relationship wise.

Mistake most parents make is focusing on the male child to be independent and self reliant while lowering the bar for the female child - Yes, i agree. It was a flaw in the traditional settings of our parent and fore-fathers. Then, it worked and nice but i think it is not advisable to be used in this century. Alot as changed relationship wise.
Then, men were allowed to go work or school so that they will come back home and pick their wives so as to continue the tradition and culture but not anymore. More and more women are educated, working. Therefore more is expected of the in all facet of life including relationship.

I believe as an individual(s/he), your goal should be how to be independent in life - That is right, i agree with you though it has it's own draw back like every other thing in life.

I for one cringe whenever I hear ladies wishing hard to marry a rich man like money is gender based(there's nothing as sweet as working hard for your money). - Though, i don't blame them. To be honest, it is very very hard to make money. Life in general is not easy so it is not unusual to see women praying and hoping to use relationship/marriage as a poverty alleviation scheme.

People forget the law of reciprocity when it comes to good deeds, lots of women want to enjoy being showered with gifts and all the good things of life thereby forgetting to reciprocate quarter of what they get, I believe that stems from the environment they were raised, lots of folks are self-centred and only care about themselves. It all boils down to orientation and upbringing . Nobody deserves a tight-fisted, self-centred egocentric partner - Again, i agree with you. Tbh, i usually lose interest in most ladies after having sex with them because after the sex, there is virtually nothing left to keep the relationship running. Gifts are major energy fueling relationships.
After sex, the reason why most ladies still keep being in the relationship is the regular fuel added to the relationship so as to keep the fire burning - occasional recharge cards for credit or data, clothes, shoes, wrist watch, outings to clubs or Mr Biggs, a clear path from the guy analysing there future to a comfortable life so as not to surfer(all these are incentives on the woman to keep running a relationship), helping in school fees or house rent, placing gf on allowance if it is a buoyant bf etc. The list are many.
Most women have good reasons to be in a relationship but hardly do men, reason after sex most guy start acting funny.
Believe me, most guys will be put on check or scared of losing their gfs/wives if the incentives to be faithful or serious is high enough.
An average guy marrying a governor's daughter, whom the governor gave a better job or good contract business, connections, who knows when the governor dies is wife will get a large lump sum with many properties will highly behave himself unless something is wrong upstairs with him.
Most men don't have any incentives to be faithful at allllllllll.
Let me stop here, bye.

You made some valid points but I beg to differ on some;
What's your yardstick for going into a relationship with the opposite sex, that would define if it's going to be meaningful or not. I'd use myself as an example, the least thing that'll make me date a man is his looks or how buoyant he is. If a man is intellectually and morally bankrupt, bereft of principles in life then it's a 'no' for me because I can't date a man who's not on same page with me.
I will admonish men to look beyond beauty and focus on important things when searching for a partner.
You mentioned men dating governors daughters and be of best behaviour cause of what they stand to lose if they act otherwise...lol, you haven't seen men who do and jeopardise everything still.
Anything built on material benefits will never stand the test of time when life happens to one person(life will always happen to us in different ways). So try not to lower the bar when getting into a relationship, there are intelligent women who would help you grow in all facets of your existence, they are out there you just haven't looked within.
Bye too....lol

emmaodet:


Bro, why do i think you are kind of pacifying her to marry a man with potential.
Women are not doing any man a favour by sticking with them. If they like make them marry or not, men won't die and life will move on.
Only if you know that most men are also enduring them.
Hardly will you see a nigerian relationship that is balanced.
It is all about what they can gain from men.
Most of the relationship have ever been were a waste of time and resources. I don't fancy it anymore.
How will you date a woman for 3,6 months or a year without nothing to show for it.
You look back, no boxers, no wrist watch, no singlet or wears, sneakers etc NOTHING!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! and you think i will be proud of such person? Someone i can remember with anything, no hosting me on outing or pool or cinema etc
It is very very very boring.
Love should be give and take.
If you are too broke to buy things for your bf in a relationship, then am sorry you have a misplaced priority.
What you need as a woman then is a job and not a relationship.

You came on so hard on my gender...
Mistake most parents make is focusing on the male child to be independent and self reliant while lowering the bar for the female child. I believe as an individual(s/he), your goal should be how to be independent in life. I for one cringe whenever I hear ladies wishing hard to marry a rich man like money is gender based(there's nothing as sweet as working hard for your money).
People forget the law of reciprocity when it comes to good deeds, lots of women want to enjoy being showered with gifts and all the good things of life thereby forgetting to reciprocate quarter of what they get, I believe that stems from the environment they were raised, lots of folks are self-centred and only care about themselves. It all boils down to orientation and upbringing . Nobody deserves a tight-fisted, self-centred egocentric partner.

Has he settled the man that took him to court in PH for sleeping with the wife?

KelvinCoaster:

Why do you want an abandoned Volvo parked in a hospital when you can visit the nearest 'mgbuka' dealer within your location?

@mgbuka.. I doubt if people keep those kind of cars in hospitals or public places. Vintage cars are treasures for some people.

richmond500:
The correct phrase should be I and my sister
Me and my sister is o wrong naw

Nope! The correct phrase is 'my sister and I '.

GorillaApp:

How did you arrive at the fact that he didn't listened to his wife. Pls help me point it in his write up just in case I missed it
Women sha! Always trading blames

Btw, which one come be sperm donor again na

U hsrsh o! Of all the odd jobs, that's the only one that came to your mind

I like this lady already. Abeg give me the link jare

If you had taken your time to read the write up well enough, y'ld have noticed were he mentioned his family weren't in support of him going back when he got called the second time.
Maybe you excluded the wife away from "family".

CamusMidas:

I don't think most couple discuss any goal when marriage is simply seen as an avenue for emotional solace and breeding of kids.

What do you consider a good generic couple goals.

This answer is subjective so I'd list a few in no particular order:
Communicate & correct with love and kindness, financial stability, Respect, loyalty, be each other's support system, daily connection(like going on dates), transparency....et al

CamusMidas:

This seem very reasonable, but the issue of two entities becoming one is something I find absurd.

You can just become a team and every party does his best towards achieving the family goal.

lol I get your point, I was being overly biblical with the 'one' quote jare. You can describe couple goals with whichever narrative that suits you.

iamdapsyj:



I can even speculate that the reason the wife left is not because of the loss of his job. It seem to be that woman gave him loads of advice like his family did and he did not listen. He seem to be a stubborn and a defiant man as you could Induce from his write up ( he was sanctioned severally before he was excused from the army and he never listened to his family's advice). Hence, everybody feels it's a waste of time advicing someone that never listens.

Exactly, perhaps the wife is exhausted. It's kinda painful when you have a partner that doesn't trust your judgement nor listens to you but keeps running into mistakes/troubles with personal decisions. We are all human, no matter how overbearing one can be at some point y'ld get overwhelmed by it all.

Lostchild:


How can one become a sperm donor?

just wondering

You asking a question or you wondering aloud?
Anyways, fertility centres takes care of that.

CamusMidas:

Listening to his wife has nothing to do with him being court-martial, shits happens.

Listening to his wife when the issue of going back to the job arose. Of course it has nothing to do with being court-martialed but it has ended in tears.
Couples get married to become one, and that includes one in decision making. You don't always take lone decisions and expect your partner to always bear the consequences with you even when s/he advised otherwise.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.

HighStar01:
Dear nairalanders, I am a 40 year old man without a job, home or family. I graduated from army day secondary School in the year 2000 and immediately joined the army in 2001 at the age of 17 claiming to be 18 and even bought and wrote the Nigerian defense academy exams while still in training in 2001. I passed out as one of the best recruits and was posted the corps of military police and appointed Lance copral. I was posted to one of the most dangerous division where I continued to trying to get into the NDA and at the same time further my studies. I wrote jamb and scored 252, was given admission to study law but the army turned it down and since I have no other means of finance I have to continue with the rigrous job. There are so many instances where I could have lost my life but God saved me. I was later victimized and dismissed for permitting the escape of a detainee in 2009. I sold up all my properties including land trying to get justice since I have just five years to retire. I was fortunate enough to be employed in the federal road safety corps in 2011. I worked for about six months when I was called back by the army. Since I have just a few years before pensionable retirement, I obliged and was deployed to the North East. We were later court martialled and dismissed for failure to perform military duties, disobedience to a particular order and insubordination. Ever since then I have searched for job to no avail. My wife has left with my child. My family has deserted me that I was warned to remain in frsc and not to return to the army. I have even attempted suicide before I was rescued. Sometimes I ask God if he wants me to be a pastor. I even prayed for a dieing Man to test my faith. I have struggled I in this life and done so many odd jobs which I would not mention. My question is what did God want me to be. Pls. I need your urgent advise and attention because am frustrated. Thanks.

Quite unfortunate. Men, please learn to always listen to your wives especially those who got married to intelligent women(bulk of grace to grass stories that has happened to men were as a result of them making decisions alone without discussing with their partner for counsel).
Do yourself a favour by moving on, dwelling in the past won't help. In as much as I don't wanna hold brief for your wife, it could be she saw the writing on the wall but you never listened.
There are lots of petty menial jobs you could do, you can as well become a sperm donor�(the point is for you to do any legal thing to stay alive pending when things get better).

There are about 39 inmates that refused to escape, you can as well start with them perhaps others will follow suit.

It's achievable but one of the cons is : you may be easily attacked by sea pirates(those guys are usually deadly when they want to strike).

bigpicture001:
....nothing u did or stand for will ever b remembered....

You win some, you lose some.
Don't take it to heart in order not hurt the next lady that may mean well, time heals everything.

CamusMidas:

For your tiny mind you don off everybody with this silly point, dumb girl.

Hey boy! Marriage isn't meant for everyone, so why the fuss?

Stay away from my mention retard...

You are giving yourself excuses not to get married, if your Dad had thought this way I bet you wouldn't be here writing trash.

Lol.... scary scary
Looks like the owner transferred the cursed shoes to her.

Sometimes I feel people draft out stories online because this is absurd. Like the person you want to get married to in few months time drugged you and also addressed you as a fool?
Does it mean you didn't know she's a fraudster or you decided to ignore the red flags?
Maybe the next girl will drug you and harvest your organs, since you are easily swayed by smiling goddes.

Northerners love free money same way Igbos' love to do trade. They've have since been looting dry Nigeria since time immemorial, wonder why they always wanna cling to power. If as a political exposed person(pep), you loot without the backing of a Northerner(elite) if you are caught OYO is your case.

This is laughable to write the least. In as much as Fulani herdsmen/bandits are out to destabilise the Government with the FG looking the other way then other ethnic groups can as well join in their various forms to cash out too, I'm sure more are on the way aside Sunday Adeyemo alias Sunday Igboho and Asari Dokubo. Na who get mind dey declare.

osuofia2:
Cultism never pays, Agony of the Southern Youths. You cant find cultists in The North.
For his nick name to be Tata, that is to say the guy de handle gun well

There are lots of cultists in the North(in same age bracket and way lesser age), the difference is that they use knives and dagger to rip their opponents apart.

Angelfrost:


Well, he still stated the obvious!... The leaders will claim to be "on top of the situation", whereas they are no where near.

We have no leadership neither do we have leaders, the people in power either bullied there way up there or rigged their way to enrich themselves and lineage.
PS: I wasn't disputing what he wrote.

Poor barber. Like they were coerced into such haircuts or what? It's obvious their court of law is one-sided for them to always frustrate lawyers defending their clients.

FalseProphet1:
I see buhari turning a deaf ear towards this protests. I see the governor telling them to stop the protests so that they (the government) can handle it. I see them (the government) doing nothing. This I have seen.

For someone that told Nigerians he has hearing impairment you see him turning a deaf ear still? Truly you are a false prophet.

Drop your details, I know someone who's interested.