₦airaland Forum

1miccza:
Sorry I didn't see it how do I get to see it?

I guess you're leki10. Here's the link:
www.nairaland.com/2059904/crude-poems#29220149

texanomaly:
Done. Sorry it took so long. There are so many poems for review. Btw...I'm no expert.

Understood, Ma. But you do seem like an expert.

texanomaly:
I really like this. Is there a reason the last stanza is so big compared to the others?

Not really. I intended to make it short but it just kept coming to me, and I kept writing till it stopped. Thanks for the review. Compliments of the season.

Royver:
Why's that?
I used to have a lot of poetry on rage in my early days. Writing out my emotions helped.

I just love it, man. I've memorized it already. Thumbs up to you. Your lines stand out.

laykorn:
6. JOSTLING EMOTIONS
by Krystalxxx and Royver


(Royver)
Rage, an imperfect jostle of thoughts

Swirling around like a storm in a cup

Like a monster trying to eat itself up

It slowly eats away until all rots

(krystalxxx)
Rage is like a poison deep in the soul

It brings uneasiness to live within

Making the soul an abode for all sin

And leaves a vacuum behind, a big hole

(Royver)
Rage blinds our eyes to the relevant facts

And confuses our minds, muddles it all up

Once destruction starts it is hard to stop

And so we come down with irrational acts

So pour water on your rage, calm yourself down

That way you will smile, no need for a frown


Peace

Still calm

The stormy waters

Peace like a gentle wind comes (royver)

Far from the rage

Calm down

Love. (krystalxxx)

The first verse of this poem will stay with me for a long time.

laykorn:
2. SEPARATE WORLDS
by JigsawKillah and philtrum

Philtrum:
I lay my head in motels
Where the doors don't close
And they are always out of towels.

Jigsawkillah:
It's the best I Deal with
If it ain't internationally known
The hotel doesn't worth me.

Philtrum:
Hard working for a mean Boss
So I jump out of bed daily
That I may catch a 4am bus.

Jigsawkillah
Bossing hundreds of workers
Why stress myself?
The appointment, maybe later.

Philtrum:
I'm worth only half His salary
He gets a girl like Marieolae
Feeling like the son of Anarchy.

Jigsawkillah:
Beauty goes with money
No food for lazy men
He looks like he's hungry.

Philtrum:
Can't go back to Ana
She stays down the 23rd jump street
She only wants a loan for her father.

Jigsawkillah:
Marieolae is back for me
She's Miss Independent
She has her own money.

Philtrum:
I squirm in pain in silence,
Pick my Quill and my scroll,
To Take note of my existence.

Jigsawkillah:
My picture is all over the media
I can pretend to be sad
But I've never been happier.

Philtrum:
I'll use my quill like a quiver,
When I'm most scared, depressed
And my tears flow like a river.

Jigsawkillah:
I'll use my quill to note my plans
And write long and short verses
at least, That makes me feel human.

Now this is synergy.

laykorn:
1. THE ASTRAL MAIDEN. LIGHT AND DARK
Krystalxxx and Royver

(Krystalxxx)
She peeks from behind the clouds,
Shy blushes paint the sky orange.
Golden filters of her aura,
Gently caress the earth.


Teasing, she caresses our waters.
Her little jewels of gold dance,
And glitter upon it!
Like Midas's coins.


She calls upon the children to play,
Slyly tempting with her rays
Gracing the dewdrops with her twinkle
Greeting the beach sands with a tickle.


(Royver)
Slowly but surely she glides through the sky
Her mission of peace she summons from on high
Her caress, the breeze, her touch, a calming sigh
As she dances to heavenly music, her rhythm divine.


Of roses and flowers and petals that bloom
There is none as sweet as our maiden in June.
For august and winter and all the year through
Her gay footsteps trail the sky with a golden hue.


Oh astral maiden who calls children to sing
Who laughs and giggles from behind a child angel's wing
Paint the sky and bring out its hue
Once more, let happiness and peace ensue.



MAWU.
(Krystalxxx)
The darkness of the night is thick
Thick and suffocating.
The spell of evil is complete
Thoughts cold as ice cover the heart

Conqueror of the night
Conqueror of the labyrinth
Chosen to light the path
Chance,shall we see MAWU today?

Silently will she emerge
Surely like the snake from it's old skin
Still sweet,yet quietly
She uncovers the evil that cowers inside

Mild,bright,beautiful light
Mother of the night
Meekly she will proceed
MAWU,proud mother of the night

(Royver)
A cobra's venom is a terrible poison
A scorpions sting painful enough to distort reason
But all fall short beyond compare
In the heat of MAWU's icy stare.

She slithers so fluidly at the edge of dreams
Turning sleeping fantasies into terrible nightmares
And a person who has but horrid schemes
Will do well to ask Mawu for help, but who dares?

For her touch alone will wither and rot
That which was filled with life's saving lot
And leave it to fester and boil
And lose hope in all its labour and toil

Dangerous beauty, Dangerous night
Steal the haven off hope's light
For none can wait to see and stare
At Mawu, proud mother of the night.

Haba! Damboroba! Shege! Jaguar!

This is awesome!

texanomaly:
Wow...nice class. Sorry I didn't make for the live version. I was traveling.

Ma, I need your attention here

www.nairaland.com/2059904/crude-poems

Please, tell me how you really feel. I won't be offended.

cisse7575:
So far so good, tonight, we've covered white space, line breaks, stanzas and capitals at the beginnings of lines,

And remember i said the “rules” can be broken, but it’s very very important to know the conventions of poetry well.

So does anyone has any question before I go?

In the poems you posted in your lecture, do the line breaks only occur where the font is blue?

The Queer One

In this tiny cubicle,
Was born the queer one.
They say they sang him a canticle,
As soon as he was born.


In this little village,
Grew the eccentric one.
Some say he set on his life's voyage,
Ere he had even begun.


In his own little world,
Lived the weird one.
All he sought did evade him.
All he fought did defeat him.
He would toil,
And he would moil.
He would try,
And he would cry,
But things would yet go awry.
He would scratch,
And he would search,
But yet for life he stood no match.
Still he couldn't stop.
No sooner had he left than he would return.
His was a frantic search for meaning,
A futile scouring for essence,
Another way of saying,
He knew not his own essence.


Cc: Texanomaly, Everestdebliu, Laykorn, Donifez, Leki10, Cisse7575

laykorn:
I wrote the second one.
the first one is my own cloned version of a poem I once found on www.wikihow.com
Ayamlaykorn

Nice.

laykorn:
Well, our topic is more of a topic of opinion. I'm sure that is not the way donifez writes his own free verse.

Their collaboration was awesome. I'm sure it took them so much time to get everything organised. We're ready to volunteer more than each other sir.

Maybe they dedicated some time we can't dedicate to it. Coupled with the fact that our lesson is more of an opinion lesson, I believe they dedicated more time to it.
Ayamlaykorn

Understood. I enjoyed your lessons though. Did you write those free verses?

laykorn:
I don't understand you sir
Ayamlaykorn

Your class too short. Na wetin the guy dey yarn be dat. Why can't you and your partner synergize like tex and everest? I just love the flow of the synergy...no bumps...smooth, slow and steady...like eba down the gullet.

Where do we post our assignments? Should we create a thread for that purpose?

I've been a truant,
Missing my classes.
Oh my eyes!
Must I ever squint?
Where are my glasses?


Texanomaly and Everestdebliu, the synergy was superb.