₦airaland Forum

Ibkay32:
If virginity was not important, why did God choose Mary?

What are your thoughts? 🤔

In Scripture, women were treated with dignity; Jesus Himself uplifted and respected women regardless of their past. There isn't a single verse in the Bible where God rewarded a woman simply for being a virgin.

Mary being chosen wasn't a reward for her virginity; it was to fulfill prophecy, align with the lineage of David, and emphasize a miraculous birth.

If your logic held, Mary Magdalene wouldn't have been the first to witness the risen Christ. Virginity has never been presented as a qualification to be valued, blessed, or favoured by God.

This is how I would rank them:
1. I need help
2. I love you; unless I am saying it casually; then it's easy.
3. I was wrong
4. I am sorry

Let's even forget the big figures and complex grammar for a moment.

Some other countries; including several in Europe; are also facing economic pressures. But their citizens aren't starving. Why? Because they plan for people first. Where are our own protective measures? Where is the empathy? Where is the planning?

The removal of subsidies may have some economic logic, but without relief in food, transport, and other daily essentials, it has become a disaster.

Over 65% of Nigerian households can't afford daily meals. That's not just a statistic; it's a crisis. Families are skipping meals. Children are malnourished. Hunger is rising sharply; these are not just data points; they actually reflect real human suffering.

If President Tinubu is truly kindhearted, he should step out onto the streets and observe things himself. Millions are not living; they're barely surviving. This isn't about politics, opposition, or media spin. It's about people.

Even as an ordinary citizen who is not struggling to feed, witnessing people suffer, I often wish I had the superpower to change the situation.

Recently, a grown up man was shown online, crying; because he was hungry. That's where we are now as a country. And we can't pretend it's normal.

The subsidy should be returned; at least in a phased or targeted form, until proper relief systems are in place. Without that, these reforms are not solutions; they are suffering.

femi4:
That’s the problem. Anything that will cost him extra, he always avoid it.

He ll park his car for house n join me to go to work. Na same salary we dey collect...He called himself a frugal spender

Help others, but prioritize yourself.

If you have the ability to help someone and it's very unlikely to harm you, I strongly advise you to do so. God and nature often eventually reward good deeds.

But helping doesn't mean you can't set boundaries. It's very wise to distinguish between friends and acquaintances, and treat them accordingly; for your own peace of mind and to avoid unnecessary trouble.

Sometimes, helping from a distance can be the wisest choice. Personally, I would often rather lodge a stranger in a hotel than bring them into my home. My eyes have seen a lot. I've done favours in the past that I deeply regretted.

Don't push yourself too hard. It's possible you're just not feeling the person's vibe, or your spirit isn't at peace with him. I don't think he is even your friend, if you take him as a friend you wouldn't even be feeling this way about him.

You have don't force yourself to please others; it often doesn't end well. Just be honest with yourself and do what you know is best.

Sermwell:
I understand you sha...but if he doesn't join you to work everyday in your car, that's no big deal so far you're going to work too. Except he parks his car at home and comes to borrow your car to work when you're not going to work. All these small small things no matter na so far you guys are friends. It doesn't really cost much. A friend of mine has been with one of my car for over 3 weeks now because his own car has been with the mechanic. It's a brand new car I bought early this year oh!

Where did he mention that they were friends? There is a difference between being friends and being acquaintances.

Be honest with yourself; would you have lent it to him if he were just an acquaintance?

Home is a comfort zone, and we all have different levels of comfort when it comes to hospitality. Let's be careful not to condemn someone for having preferences in how they manage their home or host their guests.

Not everyone who visits a home is necessarily a friend. Sometimes, people come over out of necessity, courtesy, or for specific reasons; that doesn't automatically make them close companions.

Personally, I've had people over; sometimes just acquaintances, who might be visiting for practice or other specific purposes.

I take necessary steps to secure my space, without making guests feel unwelcome or disrespected. I lock rooms I don't want accessed, ask guests to leave their plates on the dining table after eating without worrying about washing them, or simply serve meals in disposable containers.

ChengHun:
A girl that loves you won't bill you.
A girl that bills you will eventually dump you when you stop giving or when she meets a wealthier person.
A girl that loves you will even buy things for you with her money.

I kind of disagree. Financial expectations aren't excluded from love.

Not all women are the same; people have different perspectives and ways of expressing love. A woman who truly loves you might still ask for support, but she won't demand beyond your means or pressure you when you don’t have it. Instead, she'll understand your situation and respect your capacity.

Love is built on mutual understanding. The key is to know your partner's kind of love and be honest with yourself about whether it aligns with your reality.

Wadoh:
While your perspective on mutual love and giving is beautiful, real-life relationships are rarely that balanced — especially in today’s economic and social reality.

Let’s be honest: love alone doesn’t cancel out entitlement or unrealistic expectations. Many people — men and women — claim to be in love, but still act primarily in their own interest. Just because a woman gives gifts or helps out financially doesn’t mean it’s all from a place of pure love; sometimes it’s driven by control, expectation, or guilt.

Also, saying “most men in love give financially” puts unnecessary pressure on men to prove love through money, especially in a country like Nigeria where survival is hard enough. Some men show love by being emotionally available, supportive, or loyal — but they’re still judged because their wallet doesn’t speak loudly.

And about standards "naturally softening with love" — that's often wishful thinking. In reality, many people maintain high expectations regardless of their partner’s efforts, and “understanding each other effortlessly” is rare unless both parties are emotionally mature and communicative.

Let’s not ignore the truth: love alone isn’t enough.
A successful relationship needs emotional intelligence, communication skills, shared values, and yes — sometimes financial effort — but not as proof of love, rather as part of building a life together.

In short, stop romanticizing emotional labor as proof of love.
Effort matters, but it should be intentional, healthy, and mutual — not a test.

Love itself cancels out those toxic or unrealistic dynamics. True love doesn't feel like a burden; it doesn't come with manipulative pressure, entitlement, or unreasonable demands. When financial resources are limited, instead of creating pressure, it brings understanding, patience, and mutual support.

Real-life relationships are rarely that balanced because not every relationship is built on love. Many are rooted in other emotions; like lust, attachment, fear of loneliness, or even convenience.

And though giving can sometimes stem from pride, control, expectation, guilt, or other motives apart from love, that doesn't take away from the fact that one of the clearest signs of love is giving. Even God gave His only begotten Son as a demonstration of His love for us.

The kind of giving that comes from true love is driven by sincere care and affection; not pretence, or any ulterior motive. It happens naturally, almost like a reflex.

Even broke guys will sometimes share part of the little they have; not out of pressure, but because love moves them to give. When you're genuinely in love (not to be confused with lust), you'll naturally express your care and affection without forcing it or holding back.

Love is a deep and powerful feeling of affection toward someone. If you're determined to avoid giving because of today's economic and social realities; so you won't have to compromise at all, it's better to avoid love. Stick to other emotional dynamics that don't require as much vulnerability. You can settle for things like compatibility, attraction, or shared goals. But that thing called love? Skip it; because real love, by its very nature, can't help but give.

NaijaphiliaBlog:
Interesting! You have raised a very salient point.

However, should we consider the Loan Scheme a positive development or not?

Though it's a positive development, there's still room to make it more impactful.

Given the current economic realities, the 33.3% cap means that the maximum accessible loan for most staff falls short of what's needed for truly meaningful purposes.

So, what exactly is the goal; impact or optics?

If the Federal Government genuinely intends to provide financial support, then the structure of the scheme may need to be reviewed to better reflect the actual needs of staff.

You forgot to include in your write-up that it's capped at 33.3% of their gross annual salary.

Is there any academic or non-academic staff member whose gross annual salary is up to ₦30,030,030?

No academic or non-academic staff would receive up to ₦10 million loan under this scheme; not even VCs.

Aww hun, this is so sweet to hear! Enjoy every cuddle, every laugh, and every memory you make together. Wishing you both so much love, laughter, and cozy moments. ❤️😘

NNtv:
Sorry but the man must have genuine reasons for such action

If you believe the man must have genuine reasons for such action, then I hope you also consider that women who allow their husbands to unknowingly father another man's child must have genuine reasons as well.

😂Perhaps she thinks we all see men as ice-cream, to the extent that we'd melt our peace for them.

She conveniently ignores the many men who want strong, independent women; men who encourage their partners to grow. Instead, she centers her argument around the kind of men who feel threatened by a woman's success.

Grasses are for goats. No matter how hungry a lion is, you'll never find him eating grass. And have you ever seen a lioness settle for a goat just because there's no lion around?

Not all women are willing to downgrade just to get married. Let's even be honest; how many responsible men are out there looking to marry someone that looks like a burden?

A truly responsible man isn't intimidated by a successful woman.
And no reasonable woman is out there looking to marry an insecure man.

What's the point of marriage if all it brings is heartbreak, setbacks, and shattered dreams?
Why would anyone willingly sign up for a lifetime of punishment?
If that's what marriage is supposed to be, then honestly... I'll pass because I'd rather be single and at peace.

Because the truth is; a miserable marriage doesn't just drain your joy.
It erodes your entire sense of self.
Even your children may suffer the ripple effects of that dysfunction.

While some couples are out here building empires together,
Some man; lost in his own insecurity; is too busy playing power games at home.
To him, his wife is his only competition.
Every step she takes forward rattles his ego, suffocates his peace, and sparks his need to control.

With the mindset she's promoting, I just hope she doesn't end up with a man who becomes a hindrance to her peace and progress.

Women who value peace and progress don't follow such ridiculous advice.
Relationships where one partner has to shrink to fit the other's delusion always end in pain, resentment, and wasted potential.

Let's not forget; there are families where the woman is the main financial provider, and you'd never know it.
Why? Because it's built on mutual understand ing.
She doesn't use it to belittle him.
He doesn't see it as a threat.
They both understand each other. That's what healthy relationship really looks like.

Banhammy717:
I've said this times without number and I will still say it, without any apology, if she's not a virgin, don't marry her.
A leopard will not change it's spot.
Premarital sex is a great sin, stay away from it.

If, in your view, virginity is a measure of morality or faithfulness, shouldn't you also be advising women to avoid men who aren't virgins? Or does this standard only apply to women?

Given that you've chosen to skip over grace and repentance in favour of judgment, I hope you're a virgin yourself because anyone who passes judgment should also be beyond reproach.

Wadoh:
Dear Guys,

If a woman starts "testing" your love with money early in the relationship—run.

Love is not a billing system. It’s not a constant demand for airtime, phones, or laptops—especially when you’re just getting started.

You’re not stingy for protecting your peace and your pocket. You're wise.

Real love supports, not drains. It builds with you, not off you.

You deserve someone who sees your heart, not your wallet.

Choose peace over pressure. Always.

#KnowYourWorth #MenDeserveLoveToo #NotAnATM

Most ladies who are genuinely in love find it hard to burden their partner financially, especially when they know he's going through tough times. But if a man has money and still makes no financial effort toward his partner, it can come across as a lack of love or emotional investment because most men who are truly in love naturally go out of their way to show it, including through giving.

At the same time, a woman who is truly in love will also give in her own way. She may buy her partner gifts or even support him financially during hard times; not out of obligation, but because she genuinely cares. Love is never just about receiving; it's about mutual effort and care.

It's actually a good thing he left her. He should find someone who genuinely loves him. At the same time, love shouldn't be one-sided. He needs to be kind and emotionally present too.

Many women are emotionally expressive, and once they're in love, it becomes quite visible. A relationship shouldn't just exist for the sake of it; it should have depth, meaning, and mutual care. It is important to put in effort to nurture the relationship. Often, it's the little things a man does that make a woman feel loved and secure.

When two people are truly in love, they tend to understand each other almost effortlessly. Even the standards they initially set can naturally soften over time. More often than not, it's external factors; like jealousy, gossip, or third parties; that create conflict between them, not the absence of love.

From a Grateful Heart. Thank you

Though we come from different backgrounds and paths in life, even as strangers, you still took the time to show compassion and wish me well. Your messages of love, empathy, and encouragement touched me more deeply than I can express.

These moments are a reminder that there are still people with good hearts; people who feel, who care, and who show up for others when it matters most.

There's a quiet, unshakable love we carry for one another; one that endures, even when the world around us tries to harden our hearts or pull us apart. That love is the thread that holds us together through the darkest times.

It's in these moments that the true spirit of Nigerians shines brightest: in our solidarity, in the way we support each other, and in our refusal to let compassion die.

To everyone who reached out, offered prayers, shared their own stories, or simply said "I see you" thank you. Your kindness reminded me that no matter what we face, our humanity is intact. We have not failed each other.

With heartfelt appreciation, thank you.
With love, always ♥️♥️♥️

Aussie2doc:
oh...so you cared about the victims while you were busy dragging the car with the police. If you really cared about the bleeding victims your reckless driving probably caused, you would not have time to be calling your mum to be calling your village chiefs to help you beg a senior officer who eventually bullied the police.

All the time you were busy dragging car with police, you would have arranged to get the victims to the hospital or you think police vehicles are ambulances?

No one is saying the police that collected bribe instead of following the normal process are not guilty, you that bribed them is a co- criminal and you have no moral right to talk.

You went to the hospital, you were more concerned about the 20k you paid to the hospital rather than the lives of the bleeding victims. You claimed they were not professional. The police were not professional. The hospital was not professional. It was only you that caused the accident was professional in the whole scenario. Everyone was guilty and only you that paid the bribe was innocent.

You even have the gut to say that you can no longer keep quiet after paying bribe. If you want to fight the rot in the system, you won't compromise because of the inconvenience of one night and paid the police. You paid and you are now saying you are fighting the rot. Which rot? After paying bribe?

Wow. Clinging to an imaginary narrative just to shift blame onto me? You speak of "reckless driving" as if you had a drone hovering over the scene. Were you there? Did you witness the accident? You could've just as easily blamed it on bad road; but I guess that wouldn't fit your version of events.

🤣 No, this has to be a joke. You actually deflected from systemic failure just to place blame on an individual also caught in that same failure? That's some impressive mental gymnastics.

You even accuse me of caring more about a hospital bill than the victims. Do you realize people can lose their lives from improper treatment? The hospital I criticized didn't even handle the injury properly; the wound had to be reopened in another hospital. And yet, you're more upset that I dared to speak than that they failed in their duty?

You speak like someone who's never truly faced chaos in this country; like someone who thinks that in the middle of panic and confusion, the average citizen should suddenly become a legal expert, a paramedic, and a civil rights activist all at once.

I had never been in a situation like that before. I didn't know what was expected. I did what I could under pressure. And instead of receiving help from those trained to assist, I was met with silence, extortion, and coldness.

Is that what you're trying to defend?

Let's be clear: the system didn't just fail me; it failed all of us. And now, because I chose to speak up, you're trying to weaponize my survival against me? That says a lot more about you.

Here's the truth: what I did wasn’t a crime; it was a consequence. And no amount of moral posturing will twist that into villainy.

Saying I shouldn't talk about the rot because I paid under pressure is like blaming a robbery victim for handing over their wallet and calling them a supporter of crime. Survival isn't endorsement; it's survival.

And yes, I will speak; because that's exactly when the silence must be broken: after the system shows you just how brutal and dehumanizing it really is. Expecting perfection from victims before they're "allowed" to speak is just another tactic to protect dysfunction and silence truth.

helpee:
Nigeria cant get better with people like you. Then car tumbled several times, the police wanted to tow the vehicle, you bribed them because you didnt want them to tow the vehicle and you came online to claim you are the victim. They are correcting you, you kept saying they were extorting you.


You got to the hospital, you said they were not effective in stopping the bleeding. Since you could have done it more efficiently, why did you take them there? When it was time to pay, you said they shouldn't have collected money because they were not effective. If they had rejected you, you would start another lie that they were requesting for police report.

You ended up blaming everyone but yourself. You forgot you could have called 911 before police came and ambulance would have come if it is In lagos. They are effective in lagos but many of you don't know. It is the job of police to secure a potential crime scene ...and accident is a potential crime scene. You could be drunk, be over- speeding etc or be driving a car without road worthiness thereby putting lives at risk. Part of investigation involves towing that car. You bribed and bullied them because your mum knows a superior officer and you still had the guts to come online to blast the country. With citizens like you, the country can't progress.

Bribed the police? No, dear. I only paid the survival fee they demanded; that's the standard in the Nigerian jungle package. Don't confuse surviving under pressure with complicity. I'm guilty only of navigating a broken system, not endorsing its rot.

Before throwing words around, check their meaning. There's a massive difference between holding a system accountable and denigrating a country. Speaking out; especially when the system continues to fail the most vulnerable, isn't hate. It's hope. It's the belief that Nigeria can, and should, be better.

You and this system deserve each other. It's honestly shocking that you're more outraged about a towed car than bleeding humans. Some of us can no longer bear the silence, and we have every right to cry for change. If the truth offends you, retreat to your bedroom and cry it out there. Your unsolicited defense of dysfunction holds no weight.

Let's be real: a system that abandons victims, extorts the injured, and enables incompetence isn't worth defending. If you can't see that, maybe it's because you benefit from it. You're not just blind to the problem; you are part of it.

If you truly wanted Nigeria to improve, you'd face the facts instead of shaming victims. Change doesn't come by silencing pain; it comes by amplifying it.

Since you claim the police were "just doing their job," enlighten us: what actually happens after a car is towed to the station? How is it retrieved? What hidden fees, unexplained delays, or shady "settlements" follow? Let's not pretend the process is clean or transparent; we all know it's a mess.

Gboliwe:
If the hospital didn't do anything, what payment were they demanding?

What do you mean by they were not examined properly? What do you tag as properly?

All they did was apply antiseptics that weren't even effective in stopping the bleeding.

It felt like everything was meant to go wrong, but I thank God that, in the end, no lives were lost and the incident didn't cause lasting damage to anyone. It was only my car that got completely damaged.

helpee:
@Merry100

We find a way to blame everyone but ourselves in this country.
You had an accident. You said it was major, no serious injuries yet you wanted to remove the vehicle from the scene without proper documentation.

It is not your fault...but it could be a crime scene.
You said the injuries were minor. You think police didnt see that? I can't count the number of patients i received from police when i was working in Nigeria from accident scene. They probably saw that no major injury.


1) The vehicle is an exhibit. You just had an accident. Someone may eventually die from internal injuries later. If they just allowed you to take the vehicle away, they would have conpromised investigation.

2) You could be driving under influence.
3) You may not have driving licence
4) The vehicle may be stolen...running from something.


It was a good decision to tow the vehicle to station. YOU EVENTUALLY INFLUENCED THE OFFICER. BRIBED THEM INSTEAD OF ALLOWING THEM TO DO THEIR JOBS then you came back to denigrate your country .

What is wrong with you? You commited a crime by bribing the officers, you didnt see yourself as part of the problem but you started blaming the country.


The hospital treated you....SEE YOUR CONCLUSION. YOU SAID THEY STILL WANTED TO COLLECT MONEY AFTERWARDS. Can you see the reason why they usually ask for deposit? No matter what they do, your conclusion after everything was that they were not supposed to collect money because you had an accident.

Go to Aso Rock clinic

Aso Rock Clinic? LMAO. Even the people funding it don't use it.

If your first reaction to injustice is to blame the victim instead of questioning the system, then it's time to get real help; don't hesitate to speak to the appropriate medical professionals.

You read a post about systemic neglect and extortion, and somehow twisted it into being my fault. That reveals more about your distorted mindset.

Try applying clear mental and ethical thinking to serious issues. Defending a failed system doesn't make you patriotic; it makes you part of the rot.

What you wrote isn't logical or reasoned analysis. It's Stockholm syndrome; you are proudly defending the very system that harms you.

Smilingjoe4:
The officers conduct might be unprofessional but it is also there duty to protect life's and properties and that's why they took d vehicle to station. You also mentioned that is a minor accident; and let me tell you, no police man will see a victim of serious accidents and abandon them without taking them to hospital.

Perhaps I used the wrong word when I said it was 'minor.' What I meant was that it didn't turn out to be life-threatening in the end.

The car tumbled several times and fell from a dangerous height, completely leaving the road and crashing into the area below; one would have expected a much more severe outcome.

There were visible injuries, yet the police ignored them. And what about the risk of internal bleeding in such situations? The time that should have been spent on rescue efforts was instead wasted on debating extortion payments

femi4:
So men don't have time to bring into the relationship

No dey use this kain brain cross the express

Bro, you get 1 + 1 = Egg roll

Sorry, can I ask something; did you skip reasoning class? Oh, no wonder you think women "bring nothing."

But at least you're loud; the class would never go dull with you around.

So, Time + Time = More Available Time 🤣

You jumped into a serious conversation with your shallow takes. You claim women "bring nothing"?

The time they spend cooking, cleaning, raising children, and managing the home; those are full-time jobs.

In countries where time is respected, some people don't even attempt to do all these things themselves; they pay others: nannies, housekeepers, cooks; because they have to go to work.

The time a woman spends caring for the home or raising children is time she could be using to earn; but she sacrifices it. And you're here downplaying her effort like she's just sitting at home munching on Eba.

A woman staying home during pregnancy, putting to bed, weaning a child, or caring for a newborn; all while her body undergoes intense changes; is still contributing something you clearly don't understand: unpaid labour that keeps the entire family running.

femi4:
Nigerian women brings nothing. They see it as a gateway out of poverty

Here you are, spitting shit and downplaying the efforts of Nigerian women. You have failed to realize that time is money.

There are Nigerian women that work full-time jobs and still come home to handle house chores. The energy they pour into both work and home is unmatched. Meanwhile, in many cases, men come home, eat, and relax in front of the TV.

Go and research how things work in the Western world; so you'll quickly understand that time truly is money.

If anything, women deserve more credit, not less.

lymelyte:
emotional intelligence and yet women still select the wrongest of men..nonsns

Intelligence doesn't cancel emotion. Normally, emotionally intelligent people are not angels. Love or pressure can cloud one's judgment.

One of the most honest prayers for marriage is: 'God, don't let me end up with a weapon fashioned against me.' Because you can't be too careful.

It's not that easy. Sometimes, it takes nothing less than the grace of God to walk away from what's hurting you; especially when love is involved. That's why it's best to listen early, when something feels off and avoid certain relationship, because it's possible to get stuck.

Karlifate:
@bolded:

A submissive wife actually controls the husband.

Submission in marital context is not slavery, or behaving like a Tesla robot.

Your idea is nice but you just kind of explained respect, not submission. Respect is the better word.

Of course, I'm a submissive woman. God forbid I have an abusive husband; I'll definitely stay and submit to him.

Of course, I'm a submissive woman. Even when my husband beats me, I'll call him "lord and personal Saviour." As per he was the one that created the rib God used to form woman.

Go check the dictionary for the real meaning of submission, try applying it to real-life scenarios, and you'll see how deadly it becomes; especially with the average Nigerian man walking around with an ego-fed, enslavement mentality.

Where is Osinachi today?

If submission wasn't life-threatening, I won't even see it as an issue. If men were like Abraham in character, maybe submission would make sense. But that's not what we have. What we have are controlling, entitled, emotionally stunted men shouting "submit!"

Respect has sense.
Respect knows when to walk away.
When you respect someone, you hold them in high esteem but that doesn't mean you allow them to kill you or manipulate you to destruction. Submission waits. Submission get destroyed. Submission dies.

My personal findings:
All Scripture is inspired by God; doesn't mean every word was directly spoken by God. Some parts reflect human interpretations, cultural expectations, and personal biases. Remember Apostle Peter's wrong stance on circumcision? It took Paul to correct him. So yes, in my opinion, some of Paul's views on marriage and submission are outdated and cannot be blindly applied to today's abusive realities.

Those teachings should not even be applicable in our era; they were given in a time and culture where abuse wasn't even acknowledged. How many cases of domestic violence were recorded in the Bible? How controlling were the men of that era?

Let's not downplay slavery or use Scripture to validate it. Submission, in the wrong hands, becomes a death sentence.

Honestly, reading through this comment section is frustrating. So much of what's being said is rooted in outdated beliefs and personal bias that simply don't hold up in real life.

Let's be clear: discipline is not instilled through fear. Fear might control behaviour in the short term, but it doesn't build character, values, or true understanding.

I'm not against flogging, but I strongly believe this idea that "beating equals discipline" needs to stop. When I have children, I won't be upset just because they were flogged; but it must be fair, reasonable, and never harmful. If it's done out of spite or leads to injury or emotional trauma, then it's no longer discipline; it's abuse. Discipline should be purposeful, measured, and rooted in love; not fear or anger.

We need to raise our children with dignity, not trauma. The sooner we accept that, the better.

I also saw someone claim that private school students are more likely to end up with unwanted pregnancies. That's just not true based on what I've seen. Many of my private schoolmates are thriving; academically, professionally, and personally. Ironically, the people I know who did end up with unintended pregnancies, like my hairdresser:s daughters, attended public schools; where they were often flogged. I remember one of them coming home with severe scars on her back. Her mother was visibly worried, but because it was a public school, there wasn't much she could do.

Despite the constant beatings, they weren't academically strong. The flogging didn't make them more respectful or more disciplined; it just left physical and emotional marks.

Growing up, I was known to be decent, respectful, and calm. My hairdresser would often use me as an example for her daughters; not because I was beaten, but because I was raised differently.

Let's stop confusing abuse and violence with discipline. They are not the same.

JONSYN7154:
God bless you.

Those indomie children no go understand.

Their parents pay bribe for them to pass WAEC and JAMB.

There's a big difference between discipline and abuse. Even in the 1990s, not all schools relied on fear or frequent beatings to teach. I attended private schools, and while the cane was used occasionally, the focus remained on learning; not punishment. I passed my SSCE with good grades and even had an A1 in Mathematics.

Even today, discipline exists in many private schools, especially at the secondary level. The cane is still used at times, but the emphasis is on proper teaching, safer environments, and helping students actually understand; not just memorize out of fear.

Not all private schools are the "roadside" types people imagine. Many reputable ones consistently shine in competitions like Cowbellpedia, as well as other national and international competitions. Even the youngest in my family passed both WAEC and IGCSE with several As; and it was all on merit.

Endless beatings don't make students better educated. They merely reflect a system that confuses fear with learning; something we now know isn't effective.

Fortunately for you, I'm a very private person, and I prefer to keep certain details to myself. Otherwise, I could explain further how schools that prioritize meaningful education over unnecessary punishment produce students who are better prepared for a competitive world.

Sharpsharp00123:
mtcheew

All these indomie generation kids.


I can bet u are talking about 2000 upward.

In d 1990's na your parents go even buy can go school which is normal, then we had few private schools but public schools were still standard not like today's own.


U indomie generation shouldn't talk here cos u people didn't go to school but went to play.

School wey Una no dey repeat no matter how blank head u are

School wey na your teachers dey help u do everything

It's funny how quickly people dismiss others with the "Indomie generation" label just because we don't glorify unnecessary suffering in the name of discipline. You assumed I'm from the 2000s upward, but you're wrong; I attended primary school in the 90s, and it wasn't all about canes and fear.

You can celebrate your own experience if you want, but don't invalidate others just because their path was different and arguably healthier. Let people raise and educate children with wisdom, not trauma.

The fact that you equate suffering with learning is exactly the problem. Enduring pain is not the same as receiving quality education or being raised well.

In my primary school, the cane was only used occasionally; usually by the headmaster; and even then, it wasn't harsh. Discipline was never built on violence. Structure and encouragement did far more than fear ever could.

We were introduced to structured learning, proper English instruction, and exposed to creative, academic, and moral development tools. We read Ladybird books like Peter and Jane, did spelling bees, worked with handwriting and quantitative reasoning books, learned diction, and joined sports and creative clubs.

We had a well-equipped playground, properly structured computer and music labs, a Red Cross club, picnic parties, and even gift days; where the school owner, a Nigerian-British woman, would set out items for each pupil to pick from. It was a nurturing environment for learning, not a fearful one.

Yes, some parents used to buy canes for teachers; but that doesn't make it right or effective. If beating children truly produced better people, our society wouldn't still be battling so much abuse, corruption, and violence today. Clearly, the cane didn't save us.

Sharpsharp00123:
just imagine those foolish parents

How can I say your kid shouldn't b flogged?
If them no flog me I wonder what I would have become? Despite the fact that I come from a well to do family n we are ok I still stubborn die with my siblings, my papa go lock gate make we no go play ball we go mount fence n all those shits

Like seriously I will pay teachers to flog my kids cos they need it, every child has that iota of stubbornness in him/her it is strong parenting that corrects it

I can't even imagine saying someone shouldn't flog my kids

At the primary school I attended, which followed the British educational system, teachers rarely used the cane. Discipline was enforced without violence.

The fact that you feel wiser and insult others for choosing to raise their children differently is exactly the problem. If it makes sense to you, go ahead; you can even allow teachers to use hot irons on your own child if they're "stubborn." But don't impose that mindset on others.

Let people raise their children in peace. If beating truly worked, we wouldn't have so many criminals, ritualists, kidnappers, and other destructive behaviours in society today.

🤣🤣🤣 This really cracked me up! If the lady in question is an introvert, you're probably doing her a big favour by not bothering her.

Change the topic of this post to: how to tell a lady you're only interested in being friends because that is actually what it is.

You might argue that this approach of going silent or acting unavailable has worked for you with some ladies; fair enough.

But the truth is, it won't work on many. If you try this on certain women, you would go completely unnoticed. Some already have plenty of people in their contact list, and to her, you'll just be one of those casual friends who pops up once in a while.

Forget the emotional strategies and silent treatments. Just treat her nicely, and know when to move on.

If you're truly interested and intentional about a particular lady, don't rely on phone chats or calculated silence. Plan real outings. She might keep postponing, but chill… it might eventually click.

Who knows; after a few hangouts, she might even discover that she's genuinely attracted to you.

But if you two have been spending time together and you've clearly expressed your intentions, yet she still keeps you in the friend zone; bro, she's just not into you.

Don't overcomplicate it. It's not her fault either. Attraction is a reflex. A matter of the heart. And even the owner of the heart can't force it to feel what isn't there.

FineUsername:
This is another perspective, I kinda agree that we shouldn’t generalize.

In reality, women in their 20s often still have the upper hand when it comes to the marriage market. Most men within the age brackets you listed tend to tilt their preferences towards younger women (usually within their 20s) even if they end up marrying someone in their early 30s.

Very few men in their 30s or 40s actively seek out women who are 30+, unless there’s already a personal connection. So while compatibility, maturity, and shared values matter, ‘age’ especially for men kind of plays a big role in men’s decision.

Pls, I am not discouraging those in their 30s.

I agree that some men may not actively seek women over 30 unless there's already a connection. But for many men, maturity and compatibility start to weigh more heavily as they grow older.

It's not always about 'seeking'; sometimes it's just about meeting the right person at the right time.

Many of those connections form naturally through shared environments; like work, social circles, or professional interests.

For women in their 30s who still look youthful or are undeniably attractive, connections can still happen instantly; anywhere, even before age ever comes up.

Let's be careful with generalizations. It's better not to make conclusions based on just a few online stories or what's trending. One person's situation doesn't define the full reality.

Real-life experiences show that:
Many women in their 30s are not struggling to find men. Some are just taking their time because they know what they want and they understand the weight they carry.

Men, both in Nigeria and abroad are still marrying women that are in their 30s. It's not as rare or problematic as people make it seem.

If a woman in her 30s is attractive, smart, emotionally stable, and focused; she's still very much in the game. Many men don't settle down until they reach their financial or career peak; which often doesn't happen until their late 30s to 50s. At that stage, they're not always chasing 20-year-olds.

In general:

Men between 30-35 often prefer women aged 22-28

Men between 36-45 often prefer 24-32

Men between 46–55 often go for 25–35

To be honest; many men marry women they connect with, whether they're younger or close in age. Men who want emotional compatibility, shared values, and peace of mind usually appreciate a woman with maturity.

Though, it's true that many men are attracted to younger women; especially for short-term or casual relationships. But when it comes to serious commitment, most men care about more than just age.

Once a woman is in her 30s some people assume she is "too picky" or "she has missed her chance." They don't understand that some are just being intentional and not rushing into the wrong relationship.

It's okay to encourage women who want early marriage to prepare early. But don't use one example to discourage or criticize all women over 30. Everyone's journey is different.

Everyone should be allowed to make decisions based on self-awareness and readiness; not fear or social pressure.