₦airaland Forum

Just watched a video where Biola Adebayo interviewed a woman; her husband sold her house and took her children. Sadly, this kind of thing is no longer rare.

Every day on social media, new stories pop up; women betrayed, broken, and drained. And with all this happening, I still find myself asking: how are people still falling victim?

Yes, I know. You can be careful and still get hurt. Nothing is guaranteed. But at the very least, you should try. Try to be intentional. Try to open your eyes. Try not to let pressure or timelines make life-changing decisions for you.

Until people stop going into marriage for validation or to meet society's deadline, marriages will keep breaking. You can't expect something solid when you're picking partners like you’re ordering pizza; hot, fast, and usually full of regret.

Know what you want before marriage. And more importantly, be honest with yourself; is what you want possible with the person you're choosing?

Do you want a friend or just a roommate? Do you want peace or stress? Do you want love or survival?

Go into marriage knowing it's supposed to be forever. Can you do "forever" with this person? Can you love and respect them even when they're at their worst?

Marriage isn't a costume you change when you're tired. It's a deep, binding decision. it's not something you can easily walk away from. Unlike friendship, which you can walk away from quietly, marriage leaves baggage. No one comes out the same.

Choose with sense, not just emotion. Stop ignoring red flags.

If you don’t want to be tomorrow's bitter viral post; "please help me, my husband did this...", then think now. Don’t enter blindly.

But if what you really want is to one day come online and post your own tragedy so strangers can gather; some to pity, some to judge or criticize, others to argue; then by all means, ignore the signs today.

There's no perfect manual to marriage. But one thing is sure: don’t marry your enemy. Don't marry someone that would make you wish you had even stayed single forever.

Every morning, look in the mirror and remind yourself: "I will never be a victim." It may sound small, but it helps keep your emotions in check.

We women are soft-hearted; we love deeply, we believe, we hope, and that's beautiful. But choose wisely. Don't let it become your downfall.

₦73,000 in one day might feel like a lot, especially when you're just starting out financially. But what you're paying for isn't luxury; it's basic healthcare for the woman carrying your child. And compared to what she's enduring; morning sickness, hormonal changes, physical pain, and the constant risk of complications; that bill is honestly the least of the cost.

Let's be real:
Before starting a family, have honest conversations about finances, readiness, and responsibilities. Don't assume love alone can carry the load.

If you knew you weren't financially ready, you had no business getting married. And even if marriage happened; pregnancy should have waited.

Ladies, your body and future matter.

Use birth control.
Protect your body, your future, and your sanity until both of you are ready

Because here's the truth:
The real weight of marriage falls on women; emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Pregnancy will change your body, your mind, and your life.

So please; don't hand over your womb to a man who can't even carry basic responsibility.

This isn't to dismiss the fact that there were many good times; moments of love, joy, and community. But this message is meant to highlight the parts that often go unspoken, especially by children. My hope is not to condemn, but to invite reflection and healing.

As a child, I longed to grow up quickly; just so I could finally live life on my own terms.

We were just kids. Morning devotions, sometimes driven by threats or tears, shouldn’t have lasted more than thirty minutes. The countless special programs didn’t have to drain our energy or rob us of sleep. The 40-day vigils, stretching from 11 p.m. to 2 or 3 a.m., were never meant to involve children. Imagine being awake from night till dawn, and still expected to get ready for school by 5 a.m.

We didn't need to endure extended fasts or long hours of prayer. It wasn't necessary to forbid us from eating on Sunday mornings or to delay breakfast until 7, 8, or even 9 p.m., simply because we were held in Church from morning till night. The regular Church programs we attended after school shouldn't have interfered with our meals; eating dinner at 9 p.m. was not okay. Our physical well-being should have mattered just as much as our Spiritual formation.

My faith in God is rooted in personal experience. That's why you'll rarely find me arguing with non-believers; I've been in their shoes. I just didn't voice it. I had a quiet plan: to grow up and break away from religion.

But over time, I came to realize that my life is wrapped in God's love. I discovered that Christianity is far too vast to be grasped by logic alone; it surpasses human understanding. And even after seeing this truth, I still tried to keep God at a distance. I thought, Okay, I know better now; but please, don’t come any closer.

I tried to explain away the events in my life as mere coincidences. But they became too frequent, too precise, too deep; far beyond what my mind could explain. It became undeniable: a higher hand was at work in my life.

Just this year, I've experienced more than a handful of so-called "coincidences." Lately, it feels as though I’m being intentionally pursued by someone or people. I’m still trying to piece it all together.

Yes, I'm fully aware that some misuse Christianity for personal gain. But that does not change the truth: there is power in the name of Jesus.

To Christian families; especially those involved in ministry, please hear me:

Stop focusing solely on Spirituality, prestigious schools or perfect grades. True education nurtures the whole person: spirit, soul, and body.

Children need more than religion and academics. They need compassion. They need safe spaces to believe slowly and honestly. They need room to question.

Faith cannot be forced. The day will come when they're old enough to choose for themselves. Let what they choose be born of love, not fear.

Pastors can be genuinely good, deeply Spiritual individuals and still fall short when it comes to understanding marriage.

I recently came to appreciate Pastor Paul Enenche as one of the most respected pastors in Nigeria. While I don’t fully align with his, or most pastors' teachings on relationships and marriage, I deeply admire his integrity. He appears to be one of the few who have not been compromised or swayed by external influence.

In today's climate, how many pastors are still willing to boldly speak out against the failures and injustices in our nation?

Men like you should come with a warning label: "Highly thoughtful and dangerously intentional."

I mean, who is this beautiful mind behind these words? Such depth and wisdom.

This should be the norm; if only more men could think and lead this way.

Growth is indeed not far from you; it lives in you.

This is truly appreciated.

May more homes rise on foundations like this. 🙏🏽

PastorKosi:
Marrying a virgin doesn't automatically mean you married well as a man." - Pst Kosi Ebirim

Virginity is not a measure of character, wisdom, kindness, loyalty, or emotional maturity.
Many men focus on purity and miss the deeper values that sustain a marriage—like peace, respect, emotional intelligence, humility, and the fear of God.

A woman can be a virgin and still be:

Disrespectful

Argumentative

Ungrateful

Immature

Emotionally manipulative

What truly makes a marriage work is not just sexual purity but relational maturity.

Choose character over credentials. Choose peace over pride. Choose purpose over pressure.

N/B: Please note that this subject matter is not to discredit Virgins if you are one.

Thank you so much, Pastor. Preach on.

I believe in protecting one's peace, but my faith doesn't support divorce over emotional neglect.

My Candid Advice:
She should focus on herself and her children, and let the man remain the empty space he has chosen to be. Let them live like two polite tenants pretending to love each other; if that’s what it takes to maintain peace.

Let her withdraw some of the attention and effort she has been giving. No more exhausting sacrifices. If she used to trek long distances just to get cheaper groceries, she should stop. Buy what’s nearby, and if he complains, she should calmly say, "Things are expensive these days."

No more suffering to impress someone who doesn't notice the effort.

Since he enjoys praising her, she can return the gesture by praising him as well. No bitterness, no arguments; just balance.

This way, there’s no fighting, no stress, and she won’t have to carry the "Iron Lady" title anymore.

He might even reframe it and start calling her the "Gentle Lady" instead. He could say, "My wife is very gentle and calm; she doesn’t like stress."

Love isn't about how much money someone has. It’s about kindness, intentionality, and emotional presence. If you truly love someone, you'll always find small ways to show it; even when you have very little.

I remember a couple who used to visit with their children. They didn't have much, but their love was so genuine, it was beautiful to watch. They laughed together, respected each other deeply, and the husband; even in lack, always found ways to make his wife feel loved. That is the kind of love that would make anyone believe strongly in love.

I often pray nothing bad happens to either of them whenever I remember them; I doubt one could survive without the other.

BluntCrazeMan:
This woman thinks it's sweeter on the other side.??

Well, it's like she wants to learn by experience.

She is highly welcome..

I don't support turning a home into a toxic battleground; for her sake, and especially for the children. The heart is even fragile. It's wiser to avoid hypertension and emotional stress.

But what exactly is she supposed to "learn"? That managing an emotionally empty man for life is better than being alone and building peace for herself and her children?

Nollywood is not real life, things rarely play out that way. Go to mental health facilities and see the number of women battling psychological breakdowns because of relationship trauma, and you'll understand why self-love is not a luxury but a necessity. If you listen to their stories, you’d be shocked and humbled.

A man like this is hopeless, and it's not advisable to place trust or expectations on him. Even if he gets rich tomorrow, he likely still won't prioritize her or show affection. In fact, he's the type of man who might marry another wife and leave her in deep regret.

Either way, she may never become the happiest woman in the world; but being alone would give her more peace of mind than staying with someone who constantly drains her emotionally.

Wickedfact:
The fact that marriage limited your mother doesn't others suffer from the same misfortune.

There are men better than your father and it's your mother's fault for not being mentally awake to see this.
There are also women better than your mother not your father knows best why he settled for her.
They both deserve themselves.

Hope the projecting helps you feel a little better about yourself.

Wait… are you referring to my mum. Dr. Mrs 😂😂😂

blueghost:
Don't change the narrative here read what i wrote slowly especially the first lines. you only talked your own side which you put it in a cool way. Now my question is are you saying he has never done a dime for you
PS: except you confirm he is a deadbeat husband or lazy man, if you can't admit that then be content with whatever you have cos is cold outside

Thanks for the advice, bro. I was lost, but now I'm found. Where would I be without you.

blueghost:
One sided story, you told your own part beautifully, "He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive" i am sure your husband takes care of you and provide for the house, but of course you are an Oliver Twist and want more. Stop watering the small efforts your husband makes. stp transcational love. Na wuna dey push wuna husband go do yahoo or enter cult

Are you trying to be traditional or logical? Because right now, only you seem to understand your perspective and whichever way you spin it, it's still wrong.

Women are emotionally starved and spiritually overworked, yet told to be 'grateful' for crumbs. But be honest, can those crumbs even pay for the service she renders?

Traditionally, women are expected to function as maid, nanny, cook, nurse, financial manager, tailor, therapist; the list never ends. And men? Simply expected to 'provide.'

Logically, this isn't love; It's labour exploitation.

She’s underpaid, undervalued, and overused.

But the moment women speaks up or asks for basic care, you scream 'Oliver Twist', start claiming it is transactional love and that women are pushing their husbands into crime.

yemmit90:
I understand your point, but trust me, it might not easy for a poor married man to keep saving in order to get gift for his wife on her birthday? You can never understand, until you find yourself in his shoes. He has done the right thing by praising her for the whole world to see, and I think she should be more than grateful for that. Someone who can do that for his wife could've bought a good gift for her if he can afford it.

I also acknowledge the fact that taking care of home and kids is not an easy job, women are really trying in that aspect, and they should be commended for that by their husbands.

This isn't about poverty; it's about being emotionally absent. When praise is used as an excuse for neglect, it stops being love.

She's speaking from a place of brokenness. When someone who's been quiet finally speaks up, it's because the hurt has run deep. She must have felt overlooked; exhausted and tired of neglect disguised as praise for so long.

This isn't about every birthday; she probably let the others slide. But 30 is a milestone; it hits differently. Just one day to show he cares. After standing by him through years of hardship, he didn’t have to give her the world; just something thoughtful to make her feel seen and valued. Instead, she got recycled nicknames on Facebook.

yemmit90:
Lolz, what if he has no money to buy gift for her at that moment? Her husband is a good man for posting her birthday on WhatsApp and Facebook, some men don't even remember their wives birthdays. Besides, it is her home too, and there is nothing wrong if he carries all the burdens too like we men do for ages withiout expectation of being praise.

Even a child can save up for a meaningful gift; it's not always about the price, but the thought behind it. Celebrating someone you love goes beyond a Facebook or WhatsApp post.

When it comes to burdens, both men and women carry them. Many married women dedicate their time to running the home, under traditional expectations.

Time is money, and for a woman whose time is already dictated by family demands, it's harder to push beyond those limits. That doesn't mean she lacks ambition; it means the system makes it harder for her to express it.

Omoawoke:
Good, leave relationship for girls who want to be cared for, who want to be gotten flowers and taken on vacation

Yes, good girls are enjoying all these not girls behaving like maniacs hopping from one gbola to another..

Good girls are having peaceful homes and building healthy families… I know lots of good girls enjoying the best of relationships

Many of the "bad girls" you refer to are actually flaunting luxurious gifts on social media.

I don't understand why people get so triggered by others' experiences. Why is there such a strong desire to silence the truth and hide reality?

Sometimes feelings can be misleading. If life were presented as it truly is, more people would make better decisions.

The fact is, both "good" and "bad" girls can suffer if they choose the wrong partner.

Omoawoke:
Who’s ranting

Check the advice you are dishing out, does it sound reasonable to you, the fact that you haven’t enjoyed a responsible and loving relationship doesn’t mean you should project that on others

You want to preach being a pain to men by projecting a false delusion that loving girls suffer..

No madam, please keep that toxicity and negativity to yourself. Good girls are having stable and loving relationships.

You’re quick to project instead of understand. This is post is about someone expressing deep frustration, not preaching negativity. If her truth makes you uncomfortable, maybe look inward instead of dismissing her pain with false moral superiority.

See comments 😂. A wise woman would prioritize being financially independent before marriage because marriage can limit women.

Omoawoke:
Na this kind dumb statement dem they use lead innocent girls astray

Girls with poor upbringing that came from broken homes or homes without love are the ones preaching this nonsense…
If you like, start giving your men troubles, you will learn the hard way

If you don't project, you won't feel good about yourself. Keep ranting.

jaxxy:
She was a virgin in the village not city. Also She has no discipline like he thought.

It doesn't matter if she was a virgin in the village. Are there not human beings in the village?

The truth is, virginity kept for validation, not conviction, is just delayed confusion. Any discipline practiced for external praise is bound to fail under pressure.

Many virgins hold out, expecting a fairytale, only to realize that marriage isn’t magic. Expectations ruin more than temptation ever could.

Some men treat their wives like donkeys; just piling burdening on them and denying them true value. They assume that rendering them unproductive will tame them.

There’s no clear evidence she’s sexually involved. She might simply be handling her boredom the wrong way.

Nonexisting1:
A woman will light a match and when the fire starts, she will cry and blame the man for the same fire she started. Oya, go and be giving your husband small BP and less peace like you said, we will see who will first go hospital.

Many women can endure hardship and tolerate a lot of the tantrums men throw. But physical violence and infidelity? Those are deal breakers for most.

You are not showing any kind gesture, yet you are violent. You will learn a lesson. Haven’t you seen men who come online throwing tantrums because their wives left without saying a word? Or those whose wives secretly applied for a visa and flew out of the country without any prior notice?

Nonexisting1:
So he went about bragging about his wife is now the problem? You want him to go about painting her bad instead? What is it that women actually want? By the way, what is so important about her 30th birthday and is she the only person to reach 30? What did she buy for her husband's own birthday or he doesn't have a birth date.🤔

Isn’t it ironic that the very reason a caring woman argues or complains is because she cares; and yet, that's what triggers some people to be violent?

People like you deserve emotionally detached women; those who are unconcerned and not invested in you. The kind who would praise you even when you're headed in the wrong direction, while focusing solely on their own personal growth.

Women often give their all in relationships. They care deeply, make sacrifices, and invest their emotions completely. Some women would even be content living in a hut with a man they love. But a wise man understands that relationships require mutual affection. He would never take a woman’s love and sacrifices for granted. Even the smallest gesture of appreciation can make a woman feel valued and strengthen her love.

Firebox123:
if Dominique mynd44 seun or any mods push this post to frontpage

Make sure they delete my nairaland account along to avoid problems

I'll provide proof and evidence where you see the post on Facebook

No be person anonymous message you com copy and paste it here

Experiences are shared so others can learn.

Sometimes, the truth just doesn’t fit the fairytale you’re holding onto.

Not every story is fake just because it makes you uncomfortable. I don’t know if this exact story is real. But I’ve heard enough like it to know: It happens.

Ask some women why they’re still virgins, and you’ll hear: "Because my husband will cherish me."

But what happens when the one expecting to be cherished… Becomes the one doing all the cherishing?

Let’s be honest: The men who truly value women aren’t obsessed with virginity. The loudest ones are often insecure, or just looking for a slave with a moral certificate.

It’s funny how virginity is overhyped, Yet non-virgins can brag about gifts like G-Wagons, Lamborghinis, and houses in Ikoyi...

But virgins?
They get endurance.
And bragging rights; for their husbands.

A pure show of strength, and a lifetime performance just to prove her worth.

You’ll hear: "I married my wife a virgin. She’s so strong. She cooks five meals a day, cleans, wakes up at 5am, sleeps at midnight. She is so homely and reserved..."

Just endless praise. Where is the reward promised in the advertisements?

Virginity doesn’t need misleading ads or empty hype. And there’s no need to divide women into virgins and non-virgins. Let women breathe. Simple.

Go to Church and pray for her. That man must have charmed her, this is clearly the work of the devil.

jaxxy:
i explained it already if u read my points properly. Virginity counts as discipline ony when it is kept in the midst of or despite numerous temptations not when kept in isolation. She may not even value her Virginity she just didn't see the right opportunity.

She just didn’t see the right opportunity 😂

Did he say he married a ten-year-old?

The fairytales probably didn't come true; unmet expectations. I have explained several times that misleading advertisements can attract misled buyers.

Nonexisting1:
A woman will light a match and when the fire starts, she will cry and blame the man for the same fire she started. Oya, go and be giving your husband small BP and less peace like you said, we will see who will first go hospital.

You don't get it because you're no different from him; you’re clearly a user just like he is. He has a good wife, but he refuses to reciprocate by being a good husband. It's her thirtieth birthday, for God's sake! He can't just go around bragging about her efforts. He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive.

My husband brags to his friends how am a strong woman and how I have been with him since he had nothing till now he still has nothing but he shamelessly tells them how i can endure anything.

Meanwhile this his friends don’t treat their wife like he does yet he cant learn from them. I’ve been keeping quiet but today broke the camels back.

Today is my 30th birthday and all my husband could do is post happy birthday Iron Lady on WhatsApp and facebook.

All this because i try to be patient with him or not nag him. Now i believe why is important to give men small High BP and less peace of mind so they can sit up because being an understanding wife only makes them relax and leads to this type of treatment meanwhile the wicked women are steady enjoying their home

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17MBgNkKgP/

(Not my story. Came across this and it really hit me. What do you think?)

[quote author=kcprince post=136005898]The system is flawed. Pray never to need Nigerian state fire, health , police , judiciary in your life journey . They will mess you up

Celestialsword:
Yes, within a short time from now, Nigerians will take their fate in their hands.

It will now be government of Nigerians for Nigerians.

Amen. May this new chapter come sooner than we think.

This is how you know Nigeria is a failed country; not even one system is functioning properly.