₦airaland Forum

9ja don begin vex 4 2face say
him carry him wedding go
Dubia, go meet arab pple nd
wey b say na 4 9ja here we
dey buy him CD, na our money
he carry go dere. Dem talk say
if him sing anoda song make he
no carry am go alaba market
o, make he take am straight
go Dubia sebi na dem chop him
rice and semo.

THINGS THAT HAPPEN ONLY IN NIGERIAN MOVIES

1. A policeman with 6-rounds
revolver keeps
shooting at armed robbers more
than 20
times...I no know say bullet dey
generate itself
like DNA..
2. A man wants to send his wife
parking,he
goes into the room and comes
out with about
3 packed bags as if the wife had
already prepared herself for
the event...wettin
go do dat fo?
3. A woman burges into a hotel
room to catch
her husband with another
woman... Abi who
gave her de key?
4. Girls wear very short
dresses,revealing their
bosoms and sky high heels to
schools but
their lecturers do nothing about
it..na dis be
true oga..
5. A ghost looks left and right
before crossing
the road...oh my Gee-sauce!(read
Jesus)
6. You can see the camera man
through the
side body of a car.... Abi??
7. A girl carries the same
hairstyle even after 2
years.. I no sabi..
8. A mother travels from the
village to
Lagos,argues with her son
about not having a male
child,then back to the
village...THE SAME DAY!!!! Abi village
dey get airport...

2FACE We were the people that
made him, we bought his CDs,
jingled his bell, now his wedding,
the only time he could just allow
us to eat his rice, he took his
wedding to Dubai. (Which way
Nigeria?) How many Arabs dey
come Nigeria come wed? Chei!
Your next Album, u better go
sell them in Dubai.

A teacher asked a
student in a warri
school "what is '2'
raised to power
'5'", the student
stood up n replied "Wetin '2'
dey raise
power for '5'...dem
be mate?...'2' leave
'3', '4' come dey
raise power for
'5'...him wan die?..him no knw
say '5' use three
years senior am..."
The teacher fainted.

A boy caught his Dad red-
handed having sex with the
house girl. D dad told
d son: “Take this 500 Naira and
make sure u don’t tell your
mum.” The son
answered:” but dad this is
unfair. Mum gave me 1000 when
i caught her
with the gate man.

Akpos opened his eyes after a
surgical
operation and breathed "Thank
God it's over".
A man on the other side of his
bed said,"don't be so sure, they
left an injection in my belly and
had to open it
again".
Another patient added,"same
with me but
mine was a pack of cotton
wool".
Almost immediately, the
doctor who did the operation
stormed in and
asked, "Has anyone seen my
watch?",
Akpos fainted.

Two guys drinking at a bar...
Guy 1: Do U know my father is a
doctor?
Guy 2: wow! My father is a
doctor too!
Guy 1: Asare is my last nAme!
Guy 2[excited]: Omg! My surname
is Asare
too!
Guy 1: Am 23 years old
Guy 2: wAt? Get out of here
[lafing], am also
23 years old..
Guy 1: Don't tell me dat U're
born on the 14th
of August,
and U went to OWASS!
Guy 2: yeah! I was born at 14th
August...tell
me am dreaming bcuzI also went
to OWASS..
[They both cried, and hug each
other]
Akpors sitting next to them
asked the Bartender,
"What' s
wrong with these 2 guys?
The Bartender answered, dont
mind these stupid boys,
they are Dr. Asare's twins and
they are very drunk.

13 minutes . . .


For the unruly brat/ who just called me a f@g/ should better be watching his back/
. . . cos its like he w@nks a garbarge can . . the way he always comes up with trash!/
Im known from Warri to Lag/ but he torture the fans . . with the rubbish he drafts/ cos his puns are always faulty and wack/
. . . with his 'economy' wordplay . . he needs to be brought in and slapped!/
Nothing he spat/ is ever worthy of claps/
I break his head with a CD player . . just to get him stopped in his tracks!/
I impale your @ss/ cos you must be insane to brag/
. . . but to cut the long story short . . You ll be ashamed to spar . . If we de-tail your stats!/
Call me the Achebe of rap/ known to murder with frees/
My lyrics make his Things Fall Apart . . till hes No Longer At Ease!/
Mechanic . . hes all covered with grease/ thats why his girl is wild and callous/ she would fall for you if you drive a Lexus/
On YIM . . whenever a guy says hi . . shes always quick to 'write back' like Ramos!/
I score high when renowned elites rate my diss songs in infact/ cos they rip jaws in parts/
. . . but no eLITE-RATE-YOURS even if its a WRITTEN WORK OF ART!/
This is just a 13 minutes free/ yet I lyrically molested him/
. . . but If he claims otherwise . . then know its all a 'Lie' . . like ACN's 'publicity secretary'!/

During class, a teacher
trying to teach good
manners, asks the
students:"Students, If you
were on a date, having supper
with a nice
young lady, how would you tell
her that you
have to go to the bathroom?
Ofego?"
Ofego: "Abeg, I won go piss, i dey
come."
Teacher:"That would be rude
and impolite!!!
Teacher: "What about you Ajiri?
How would
you say it?"
Ajiri: "I am sorry, but I really
need
to go to the bathroom, I'll be
right back."
Teacher: "That's better, but it's
still not very
nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner
table. And you Akpos, are you
able to
use your intelligence for once
and show us
your good manners?"
Akpos:"I would say:
'Darling, may I please be excused
for a
moment? I have to shake hands
with a very
dear friend of mine, who I hope
you'll get to
meet after supper. "
The teacher fainted!!

LAGOS—The Action
Congress of Nigeria, ACN,
has assured that plans
towards the formation of
the All Progressives
Congress, APC, were still
on course irrespective of
reservations expressed
by the Independent
National Electoral
Commission, INEC that a
change of name would be
required.
http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898054.xhtml?tema=58

ABUJA — A group of legal
practitioners, under the
umbrella of Lawyers in
Defence of Democracy
and Constitutionalism, has
given a 30-day ultimatum
to the Independent
National Electoral
Commission, INEC, to
register African Peoples
Congress as a political
party in the country or
face legal action.
The legal practitioners
claimed that African
Peoples Congress, which
is one of the political
associations claiming
ownership of the
acronym, APC, had fulfilled
all the constitutional
requirements to be
recognised and
registered by INEC.
http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898054.xhtml?tema=57/

A drunk guy was with his
girlfriend ina
cinema and suddenly, he fell
asleep.After a
while, he woke up and started
screaming 'MY
PENIS, MY PENIS, MY PENIS'!
All the people in the cinema
were surprised at
the guys behaviour.
He continued, 'Where is my
penis? Someone
has cut my penis and my nuts!
Oh God what
have I done to deserve this?'
The
embarrassed girlfriend said
'shut up,you
idiot! Your hand is in my panty'!

Haaa….EKelly
When they hear this beat they
are dead
It’s too late to resuscitate
Choc boy nation
It’s already on fire
Ha…they call me the chairman
Because I flow pieces
My album sell so acapella
Nobody can beat it
My swagga no get network,
nobody can reach it
This girl dey wanna see my
watch
That’s D&C, you can’t skip it
My clothes are so recent
These girls i cant sleep with
Some people got beef with me
but it’s mostly those that can’t
teach me shit
These peeps with public toilet
swag, they rocking that cheap
shit…ha
The kind of money I see
Will make these boys sea-sick,
lets go
Everywhere i go
Everybody knows
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
Everywhere i am
They wanna shake my hands
Cos they’ve never seen person
like me
never seen person like me
I don’t know who you think I am
I don’t know what you think
you are
I don’t who you think you are
Omo you never see person like
me
I don’t know where you think
you’ll be
I don’t know what you think
you see
I don’t know why they no want
me
Omo you never see person like
me
Ha, you know JayZ shey, I’m
sorta like that girlfriend, i am a
chairman
You know Bill Gates, I’m sorta
like that girlfriend, I am a
chairman
You know Dangote, I’m sorta
like that girlfriend, i am a
chairman ….chairman
They call me the chairman
I am always in VIP
I might be the greatest, so call
me M.I Ali
You know that it’s drinks on me
You can take as many shots as
you want: Kobe
These girls try to lock me
down, that’s wht they open to
a nigga like me low key
I have been on my J-O-B since
on my first line like 803
Ha, and the pocket stay deep
and I am still number 1 like a
nigga goal keep
Chateaus in Paris, we only sip
xo
Ha i am gonna kill this game
it’s a matter of time, i’m on
death row
Lets go
Everywhere i go
Everybody knows
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
Everywhere i am
They wanna shake my hands
Cos they’ve never seen person
like me
never seen person like me
I don’t know who you think I am
I don’t know what you think
you are
I don’t who you think you are
Omo you never see person like
me
I don’t know where you think
you’ll be
I don’t know what you think
you see
I don’t know why they no want
me
Omo you never see person like
me
You know Adenuga, I’m
something like that girlfriend, i
am a chairman
You know Sean Combs, I’m
something like that girlfriend, i
am a chairman
You’ve heard of Donald Trump
right, I’m something like that
girlfriend, i am a chairman…
chairman
Chairman …chairman
For the benefits of all those
that wanna say things
Have you eaten today? So why
are you hating
Choc boy nation
twenty thirteen
Lets go
Everywhere i go
Everybody knows
Everywhere i am
They wanna shake my hands
Cos they’ve never seen person
like me
never seen person like me
Everywhere i go
Everybody knows
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
They ain’t never seen a guy
like me
Everywhere i am
They wanna shake my hands
Cos they’ve never seen person
like me
never seen person like me.

http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898075.xhtml?tema=33

The couple who had done their
traditional wedding in Eket,
Akwa Ibom on Friday March 08,
2013 further their love
fairytale to Dubai for their
white wedding.
Saturday, March 23rd was a
very wonderful day for 2face
and Annie Macaulay Idibia as
they tie the knot at Jumeirah
Beach Hotel in Dubai, UAE.
It was a very blissful and
memorable day as lots of
celebrities were present at this
wonderful ceremony to rejoice
with Annie and 2face.

http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898074.xhtml?tema=13

Jumping Jehosaphat/ and something that goes with that/
My rhymes are tighter than Ibime's whosky pants!!/ - Mikuz

Ibime na lie . . . drop Easter cypher for this year. Make I see wetin I go take ginger myself . . .

KANO – One hundred
twenty-seven prison
inmates escaped when
gunmen attacked their
jailhouse in Nigeria’s
eastern Adamawa state,
a prison chief said on
Sunday.
“A total of 127 inmates
escaped following the
attack. So far, we have
not recaptured any of
them,” said Adamawa
state prison chief Andrew
Barka.
Only one prisoner, who
was shot and injured in
the leg, was left behind in
the prison in the town of
Ganye after the Friday
attack, he said.

http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898071.xhtml?tema=39

Tolexander: was there a generator in the well they were working? Can't see any correlation between this news and the topic.

You better read the full gist . . .

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS
MADE IN CHINA ;
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of
charging.
2. The phone has TV,
Touchscreen, Nail cutter,
firelighter etc.
3. Text message can be written
with a toothpick.
4. There are some spelling
mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry,
i-
porn, samswag etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by
it records"one missed call".
6. When a big truck hoots; it
records "charger connected".
7. When a Chinese man passes
by
you it says"one Bluetooth device
found.
Research still on, we will update
you with the rest later.

WARRI- NATIONAL
coordinator of the Forum
for Justice and Human
Rights Defence, FJHD,
Oghenjabor Ikimi,
weekend, lamented the
cost of governance in
Nigeria was too high,
saying, he could not
comprehend why a
Senator earns as much
as N15 million and member
of the House of
Representatives – about
N12 monthly.
Responding to the recent
statement in Abuja by
the Federal Government
through the Minister of
Information and
Orientation, Mr. Labaran
Maku to the effect that
the nation’s economy
would collapse if the
deregulation of the
downstream sector was
not implemented, he said,
“I volcanically disagree
with the Federal
Government.”
http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898054.xhtml?tema=55

Dog & Bone,
Girls & Money,
Guys & Sex,
Police & Bribe,
Pastors & Seed,
Native Doctor & Fowl,
Monkey & Banana,
Terry G & Weed,
Jim Iyke & fight,
Jonathan & committee,
Boko Haram & Bomb,
2face & pikin.

Bauchi-Residents of Yelwa
Makaranta, a suburb of
Bauchi metropolis,
Sunday, were throwing
into confusion and
mourning following the
death of two middle aged
men who died while
working inside a well.
It could be recalled that
in the month of February
12, 2012, three people
lost their lives in Jahun
quaters, a community in
Bauchi State Capital,
bring the total number of
victims to five persons.
http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898071.xhtml?tema=38

Ibime: I'm potentially killing/ every
single entity living/ that
threaten this ebony villain/
so any enemy dissing/ had
better be/ telling me/ . . he only
meant to be kidding!/
cos the techs I be spitting/
ensure his whole chest would
be missing/
cos my bullets pierce teflon. . .
when I empty the clip in/

This ninja na real huge inspiration. Dayuuum!!

Ibime happy wedding anniversary.

They better warn this heathen/
that the sword I'm sheathing/
cause ruptured bleeding/
I ain't GZA. . . but my 'liquid
swords'. . .will give him a 'solid
beating'!! /
If he's f@cking eating/ I'll run in
and spray/ bullets while he
ordering steak/
Billionaire puns. . . I shoot up the
restaurant. . . and start a "War in
Buffet"!!!/


Holy Jehosaphat !!!!!!!

Akpos,his son & his wife were
having dinner when suddenly
arm robbers
broke into thier house,akpos
wanted running away but he
said to himself
dat if he run's away,he might be
killed so he freezed himself &
stood like
an image..the arm robber
ordered for money but they did
not have
money,so d arm robber looked
at d image,then turned to
akpos wife &
said:
Arm robber: take a look at such
a beautiful image you have in ur
house,but
you dont have any money.infact
i'm going to destroy dis image.
*sets his gun,point at d image
(akpos) and was about to
shoot.*
Akpos: (screamed out!)please
dont shoot,i am d image of God.
Arm robber: so here you are,i
have been praying to you to
give me job
but you dont want to answer
my prayer..so today since i have
d
oppourtunity of seeing you,i will
not let u escape..when you get
to
hell,explain to them why u did
not want to give me a job.
*about to shoot*
Akpos: (screamed out again!!)
abeg..abeg,i am d image of
akpos..i no wan die!

Boy drops girl at home, he puts
his hand on d wall by d gate
for support, leans towards her
BOY : Can I kiss you ?
GIRL : Not now, I'm at home.
BOY : Please.
GIRL : No.
BOY : You were too sweet in bed
today.
GIRL : Waoh! you too, full of
energy. I could not believe we
had for rounds.
BOY : Let me kiss u good night.
GIRL : Someone may be watching,
they still think I'm a virgin
at home.
This goes on for ten minutes,
then girl's brother appears at
the gate and says "Dad says
whether u kiss him or not its
your decision, but tell that
bastard to remove his hand
from
the intercom button, everyone
at home is listening to your
conversation"

ABBREVIATION CONVERSATION
BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.
Man: I'm GEJ.
Wife: u'r kidding. Our President is
GEJ(Goodluck Ebele Jonathan)
Man: I mean i'm GEJ - GOING on
EMERGENCY
JOURNEY!
Wife:*smiles* Oh! u're not
serious! What kind of journey
are
u going on?
Man: OBJ
Wife: To meet Obasanjo!?
Man: No. It means ON a
BUSSINESS
JOURNEY.
Wife: Oh!
Man: IBB
Wife: Babangida?
Man: I'LL BE BACK
Wife:*smiles*
Man: Till then, i'll ACN.
Wife: u want to join politics!?
Man: i'll ALWAYS CALL ur NUMBER.
Wife: Hmmm
Man: while i'm away, PDP with
our love
Wife: What!?
Man: PLEASE DON'T PLAY with our
love.
Wife: u know i won't. I'll BRF.
Man: what has Lagos state
governor got to do with all
this!?
Wife: *smiles* I'll BE RIGHTEOUS &
FAITHFULL!
Man: I trust u.
Wife: FOOL !
Man: *surprised* whaaat!?
Wife: FOR OUR OVERWHELMING
LOVE !

In the times of victory,
prophets are
unnecessary distractions
– Trevor Roper
In 2010, the Northern
Political Leaders Forum
(NPLF) met and
constituted a committee
chaired by a former
finance Minister, Adamu
Ciroma. The committee
had, in its terms of
reference, the
responsibility of selecting
a single candidate out of
the contestants then, as
a way of charting a
formidable political
direction for the North.
The contestants were
General Ibrahim
Babangida, former
National Security Adviser,
General Aliyu Gusau,
former Vice President,
Alhaji Atiku Abubakar and
fomer Governor Bukola
Saraki. The candidate so
selected would contest
against Goodluck
Jonathan at the PDP
primaries. Atiku emerged
as the consensus
candidate. They couldn‘t
have been more correct
because Atiku is a
patriarch and his
pedigree stands him out
as a true democrat.

http://www.mikuzchat.tk/forum2_theme_898054.xhtml

A new element added to
PERIODIC
TABLE:
.
.
Name:" Girl
Symbol:" Gl
Atomic weight:" Don't even dare
to
ask..
Physical properties:"
1. Boils at any time,
..
2. Melts when handled with love
and
care,
..
3. very bitter when mishandled.
Chemical properties:
..
1. Very reactive,
..
2. Highly unstable,
..
3. Possesses high affinity to
gold,
platinum,
diamond, branded clothes and
other
expensive items.
Nature:
1. Money reducing agent..
..
2. Volatile when left alone..
Occurrence:".
..
Mostly found infront of the
mirrors

[quote author=~vicky~]this your adventure is outdated now

try consulting my oga @ the top
[/quote]na you sabi . . .

Akpos went to a native doctor
and
requested to know how bright
his
destiny would be.
The native doctor drew a circle
with
a white chalk and another circle
with a black chalk. After that,
he
placed a dead millipede on the
floor and asked
Akpos to watch carefully.
He said he would recite some
incantation to make the dead
millipede start crawling. He told
Akpos that
if the millipede crawls into the
white circle, it means that his
destiny will be
bright but if it crawls inside the
black circle, it means his destiny
will be dark.
Finally he started his incantation
and the dead millipede started
crawling. When it got in between
the two circles, it turned and
started crawling towards the
black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately
it was about entering the black
circle, Akpos
picked it and gently dropped it
inside the white circle.
The native doctor who got
furious
asked Akpos why he did that,
Akpos replied; i won't fold my
arms
and watch my destiny crawl into
darkness because my
destiny is in my hands.

At Abu's mothers burial, Abu is
serving everyone but has
ignored his
best friend Akpors
Akpors: hmm Abu, dont forget
that my mother will also die
oo