₦airaland Forum

Well written, was taught that back in my 100 level that one's greatest asset in life is his/her social capital.

omopapa:
The first set of people you meet and surround ursef with when you arrive UK will most likely determine ur life in the UK.

Deep, truer words were never spoken.

crackkhaus:
Foolish husband + Evil wife = Fire-works level explosion in-waiting.

Both insincere, yes but evil, nah as they were proving to be smarter than each other. The man can continue to hide the daughter from his nuclear family while the wife continue to hide ownership of the house. Na cunny man die, cunny man bury am dem dey display, dem no kill person.

All's fair in love and war.

culf:
like I said earlier, I'm not condemning the woman neither is the guy without blame.

if you're a home builders and keeper, before you compete, you think of your home first; she didn't do that.

mistakes happen, sh*t happens, its not always easy to tel partners that you have a child outside, even those that say it, plan it and it takes time, why is because they don't want their mistake to break their home. A man who keep a woman at home even after having a child outside knows her worth but being stupid doesn't make it right as 2 wrongs doesn't make a right

I don't want to sound discriminatory, this is Africa, men tend to have upper hands on almost everything about family/marriage.

my mother INLAW acted blindly, she was the first and today the only one standing in her husband's house, that is wisdom, that is a home builder, her 'stupidity' has paid off and she is staying put for her kids. A virtuous woman put her home first

wisdom is profitable to direct.

"A man who keep a woman at home even after having a child outside knows her worth"..... Trying to wrap my head around such thinking pattern, can we also say that "a woman who is still married to her husband even after building a house without his knowledge knows his worth?"

Like I asked earlier what will she loose should they divorce?

culf:
I'm not condemning her, I'm only saying she is not wise, thank God for God, I can't marry such wife because she don't really value her home (marry). I put more emphasis on the woman because I believe in 'marriage is for ever' and also i'm a family (home) person and women are more home builders though not all but her action doesn't show that she care about her home.

I don't want to go into divorce, children custody, side chick, etc but do you really believe the man will loose more if they divorce?

1. What would have made the wife a wise woman?

2. Did the man value or show care about his home by having a child outside marriage and keeping it a secret from his wife while being boastful about it with his friend?

3. What will the woman loose should they divorce?

culf:
she is not a virtuous woman, she need to take a lesson from my mother-in-law. Its not smartness...

I'm not justifying the guy's action but if not prayer she won't enjoy her marriage and home till the end.

You are not justifying the guy's action but only condemning the woman's.

Even if the home ends, the husband cannot send the woman packing rather he will be the one to leave the house with his things, he can go be a tenant somewhere else, marry his side chick and live with their daughter.

Deceit is equal, there is none better. So they both cancel out each other but the man losses more because in terms of custody of children the marriage may have produced, the woman is likely getting the bigger percentage.

Ibuske:
@Mindlog..

Please what prospect can you say about Msc Social Work in the UK ....

Bsc is in Psychology

I am not on ground and not informed about prospects when it comes to social work in the UK. I believe those on ground will give insights.

uche06:
I would have prefered a field like health or nursing,seems opportunities abound
But is psychology part of the NHS or healthcare scheme

Like Tobexin affirmed earlier, psychology is among the shortage skills. Personally, my aim is not the NHS but accreditation by the British Association of Play Therapist (BAPT) and opportunity for private practice/work with other organizations that offers services to children with neurodevelopmental issues such as ADHD, Autism etc while studying for my Doctorate.

Tobexin:
Bsc philosophy

OK. I thought as much as those who do Msc Psychology are likely from other disciplines. I specialized right from my bachelors (counseling psychology) though I can go straight to do Doctorate in counseling psychology without a masters (many universities just require a 2.1 to be admitted) but needed the skills play therapy offers since I intend to further studies in Child and Adolescent Psychology.

Tobexin:
Psychology Not else classified

Is your first degree in psychology, if you don't mind me asking.

Tobexin:
i am currently studying psychology in Teesside University. It a one year program and psychology is among the shortage skills. I will urge you to go for Psychology because it is a course that’s diverse and doesn’t limit you to any field.

Which specialty in Psychology?

uche06:
Please between psychology or IT project Management which is better
Also can I bring my fiancee or would be wife along to UK

I believe it depends on where your passion lies. My bachelors is in Counseling Psychology and I intend going for my Masters in Play Therapy come September as I have interest in Child Psychology.

Harllaby:
[color=#000055]Imagine. But ladies can ask for money from guys 24 hrs into relationship abi?[/color]

If the OP, happens to be your younger sister will you encourage her to continue to financially support her boyfriend and his older siblings?

A man who gives a leech money in the name of a relationship is seeking validation.

You are dating yourself and at the same time subsidizing his older siblings. Count your losses and move on, at 24 years of age there is more you can look forward to than helping in carrying the burden of people who are in their 30s and probably 40s, they are not your relatives.

Leaving the guy will be the best decision, it will make the guy become reflective and assertive in the long run it he so wishes. The guy has not seen anything wrong in borrowing money from his girlfriend, to look like he is doing well before his older siblings thus the older siblings continues to feel entitled, he needs to learn to say NO to them, that will in the long run push them to eventually become independent though with anger.

There is nothing wrong in helping out your siblings but don't be an enabler of dependency and sense of entitlement, you will die young and they will not die because you are no longer around to provide for them.

In many Nigerian family settings, have we pondered to ask why most relatives of a man who hitherto has been the breadwinner of his family of origin are most times uncomfortable with the man's nuclear family (wife and children)?

The relapse is scary!

I support that, the transactions and balances in them will show those in need.

The Nigerian Senate is the retirement home of Governors.

Lipscomb:
But why the government can't voluntarily pay for the returnees ticket... is that how its done in other country.

Even US citizens in Nigeria awaiting evacuation back to the US are responsible for their tickets.

Regarding their son, all I see is permissive parenting by the parents as reflected by how the son expresses himself online. The guy feels invisible probably he is in one of his episodes of manic high, we may be looking at someone with bipolar disorder.

Truetalk3139:
Hello everyone, my Dad is 60yrs old and has been gambling before I was born, I have tried all my best to talk him out of it but he never listens and when i talk too much it turns to argument, his siblings too are chronic gamblers, now he's retired and he's still gambling with money he's supposed to use to sustain till his pension is available, he used to go and sit with boys at bet9ja house whenever he's not on duty.

How do I stop him from gambling? because he might just squander his pension on gambling if he's not stopped.

Unfortunately, it is a cross you have to carry. Behaviour modification will be difficult as you wrote that his siblings are also chronic gamblers, so breaking away from it will be hard. If he didn't discontinue when you and your sister were younger, he wouldn't now that you are both adults and he feels you can sort yourselves out.

The best you can do is for you, yourself not to continue the gambling addiction which the male authoritative figures in your family are already mired down as he and his siblings are dealing with a mental disorder because that is what gambling is, it falls under the cluster of behavioural addictions.

"Just before the doctors arrived that day I collapsed, I was literally gone. My friends had to perform CPR on me to resuscitate me"..... and those friends remained negative?

Soknown:
Thank you for the good comment. I never knew i could write and people would commend it. Hope you will start to write yours soon, we need to improve the body of knowledge on Nairaland in our little ways. I wish you well in your plan, just focus on it and it will materialise.

Surely, I intend starting writing mine towards my departure and I tell you, journaling is therapeutic.

pocohantas:
Give the phone to your mum. Isn’t she wondering when you’ll settle down? Why no lady ever knocks to ask of you?

It seems many mothers feel worried knowing their sons are pro in the kitchen. I have a friend whose elder brother is in his mid 30s and still single. Guy is earning and living comfortably, so their mum went to visit him at his place. Big bro served their mum ofe achara with well prepared poundo yam, all by himself......their mum broke down and cried that with his culinary skills, she sees no daughter-in-law coming soon!

Soknown:
I will post pictures, when i can get down to it.

Started from the first page and I must commend you for being a good writer. I presently work in a psychiatric hospital as a counseling psychologist and intend moving to the UK come September to do my Masters in Developmental and therapeutic play (to be a Play therapist, working with children) and stay back to work after graduation next year as it is also under shortage occupation list. Your journaling is inspiring.

Coldie:
Am about to pay, but I want to put it on hold till d corona virus issue is over

I intend paying sometime in June, hoping things gets clearer by then.

There are parents who are convinced that their children can be raised through begging thus "God who gives children, will send helpers". They take no responsibility for their irresponsible behaviours and feel they are entitled to guilty trip anyone who refuse to subsidize their stupidity.

Hmm....

Impressive as most have been transmitting fear and falsehood.

iwantolive:
Good day nairalanders....

i want to appreciate all the help you all have been rendering to people here with your powerful comments...

I would also like to thank the the owner of this forum for creating an avenue for people to receive help without paying a danm...

please pardon my poor English ......

Guys,i need your urgent help..Around September 2008 i got depressed,i mean i lost my joy,happiness,incitement and every other emotions that makes life meaningful...

you wont believe i have absolutely zero feelings for everything...i have engaged in sex and i did not enjoy it. nothing i do that gives me joy..

i may appear to be laughing or smilling,but my heart is always in pain,always...

now,its written all over me as i have become far other than my age..well,my question is,can i ever recover from this?now i am completely exhausted and confused.. i have spent hundreds of thousands of naira {when i had the money}on food supplements since 2008,and non seems to work..I losing it my people.

i have thought of suicide on several occasions,but i decided against it because i wanted to continue the fight.........

but now,i am losing the battle..i cant continue like this,please can i get any help?

seun pls move it to front page,i need urgent help..Thanks

What you are dealing with is clinical depression. Like someone suggested earlier, you need to go see a psychiatrist and note there is nothing to be ashamed of about it. Medication would be prescribed, make sure there is high adherence. Then you need to sign up for a weekly talk therapy sessions with a counseling psychologist, one hour every week.

When treating mental health issues, the Biopsychosocial model of intervention is being advocated. The bio element involves the psychiatrist who diagnoses and prescribes medication then with the psycho element, the therapist helps you to be open and verbally communicate what you are experiencing and help you process it to achieve insight and restructuring and finally, the social component which involves your family, friends, colleagues etc because it makes no sense to be taking your medication, attending therapy sessions only to go back home to people whose actions are triggers to your condition, that is why you see persons who have been discharged from a rehabilitation center easily relapse when they find themselves in an environment that is an enabler of their drug of choice.

My insight is from my working in a psychiatric hospital, depression is manageable when clinically diagnosed and appropriate treatment plan followed.

OP, I guess what you meant to say he is an authoritarian father. The attached image reflects the 4 parenting style.

Pemivy01:
Madam OP don't ever protect a rapist, report your brother to the law. If you have a good consience you will take a stand and do what is right .

Imagine the pain that little 11year old girl would have gone through.,..what if she was your daughter.... Would you have told her to forgive your brother......

Your brother is evil and you and your sons are not save with him.
Report to your husband and get that girl treated.... I just hope she is not scarred for life......

She is scarred for life especially going by the way the OP has handled it.

OP, you are an enabler by having your younger brother who is a pervert and the minor he abused still under the same roof, keep on rationalizing why your brother should not face the law nor your husband not knowing about it but know you will pay for it dearly sometime in the future. You home is a crime scene and you choose to ignore the fact that poor girl is certainly having intrusive thoughts and re-experiencing the traumatic experience by the mere sight of him.

Start with informing your husband, he has a right to know what is happening in his home even in his absence and also know that Grace has not forgiven your brother, she is only forcing her mind to repress the trauma because of the authoritative figure you represent but know that someday and somehow that suppression will no longer be a coping mechanism for her and something must give way.