₦airaland Forum

lolol, story don start

duke keata: I catch your drift now, It is even not for some adult. All I can do now is wish u the best in what you are doing and hope u find a perfect blend for both parties. But I must confess that's a crazy busy work. Lol.

Lol, thanks mate. Wishing you the best too

duke keata: You are as natural as a pair of old shoes. Thank you for your honesty. But please don't allow urself to believe that am too busy excuse. You need to give yourself a chance. Please make out time, no excuses.

Have no idea what the bolded means. But anywho, its not what i have made myself believe o, its my reality. Doing a phd and teaching at the same time. All i can say is this kind of work is not for kids...lol...either in class teaching, or Assisting a professor, or attending my own class, or meeting with students, or grading, or writing a 20 page paper as i am doing right now :-). See i told you its crazy busy work...haha

duke keata: They are always two sides of a story sometimes ten.
I really agree with you, but I also know alot of ladies who stayed with their man and are happily married.
The truth is we all have a role in making things better than it is. We can start from ourselves.

Agreed. You kinda get the point i am making. It takes two to make a relationship work. If one partner does everything right and the other just keeps taking without giving back, the relationship wont work, and if it does, one person will be unhappy.

I have to agree that naija babes are incredibly materialistic today than they were a few years back. I am also sad to see that they arent doing too much to grow themselves rather than wait for someone else to do it for them. I think that every woman should find something to do with her hands no matter how small and contribute to the life of her partner. i admire our mothers o, some of them were and are still the bread winners, or toiled just as hard as our dads to make sure the kids were taken care of

On the other hand, guys need to learn to zip up and try honesty and faithfulness for a change. Its sad to see that fidelity is no longer an issue on the side of the guy, it is taboo for women, but okay for guys. Terrible double standard.

Anyhow sorry for derailing the thread. I am definitely that person that needs to make new friends and go out more. But my work schedule is so crazy that i really dont have that time.

[quote author=Konnektions146][/quote]True to a certain extent, depends on what kind of woman you go for

Konnektions146: i cant but agree but u also undastand that greater percentage of ladies dat tries to help guy in turn insults de man and always remind de guy of how she picked him up from under-de-bridge.
thats one part that of ladies dat guys hate so much.
thaats one of de reasons dat influence guy's decisions srt de future with dose ladies.

fine, there are ladies who lord it over their man, but not all ladies are like that and no gender is free from blame. I think that on nairaland, guys are too quick to bash females, and for the most part they are the enablers, catering to the wishes of materialistic chicks. Same goes for ladies, enabling guys to cheat. also for the most part when a man does something wrong, it somehow comes back to the woman, its her fault. I see the same idea showing up in your post. I look forward to the day that guys will just take responsibility for their actions, same goes for us women.

In anycase, there are many more reasons why people are single, OP did a good job of naming a few, and those points are not limited to ladies, applies to both

Konnektions146: nne , i just saw yur signature and LWKMD, just flashed at de question some asked up dere abt yu and gender, no be small thing .
but seriously how many ladies believe in growth, development etc with thier man

when a lady tells her friend abbt a boyfriend or even a guy he just met, de 1st qiestion is:-what kida car does he drive??
and dis even influences de other ones that re not too after de cash but love.
ladies allow materialisma and certain no.n sense(though dey re so shallow minded to see it makes sense) be de basis of deir relationship and thats y guys see thus and get it crashed as soon as it takes offf.

How about those who believe in potential and do everything to support the man and try to help him to reach that potential, but instead he is screwing around? OP has made some good points, but you left out one major reason why some ladies are still single

There are too many liars and cheats out there, and some ladies will have non of that. Maybe this is the unrealistic part some of the men here are referring to. I know a lot of ladies that have dated guys who had nothing and really tried to help out, but the guys were busy going for the easy materialistic babes that most guys on NL complain about, but still follow/chase them. At the end of the day, guys say they want hardworking ladies who want to develop themselves and grow with the man, from what i have seen (and my personal experience)for the most part, it is all talk cos some of the guys end up getting with the materialistic, no future ambition chick. Just saying.

In other news, we just de here de dull ourself giving Op advice, meanwhile sharp guys don de send her email address since...lol...OP e be like say you go soon find husband soonest...lol.

Nobody is saying the OP should not be considering marriage at this age, or looking for a serious relationship, but time never reach for desperation. when she hits 28, ehen, we can say time don de reach small. I still think that since she is just getting done with school, she should be just as concerned with getting a decent job and doing something with her life

By the way, marriage does not always equal happiness and that is why i said she needs to consider why she wants to get married. A person that can not find happiness in themselves while being single will have unreasonable expectations of their spouse in regards to making them happy after marriage. That is too much of a burden to put on another person. I think that people need to go beyond marriage for marriage sake and consider the implications of the various roles and responsibilities that come with being married.

[quote author=A-ZeD]I think you should be patient except you just want to be mrs xzy.
Little advice
1)There is a big difference in being married and being happily married.
2)Never compare youself/situation with that of "others".
3)If you don't find fufillment being single i doubt if you find that being married cos one friend will always be on the 3rd child while you are yet to have one\ will have 2 boys while you'll have 2 girls(hope you get the drift.)[/quote]^^^ this makes sense


My dear, at 25 you are still young. Marriage is not something you rush into. I think you need to ask yourself why you want to get married? Is it because your friends are getting married and have kids? Is it because you think 25 is the age for marriage? Is it because you are afraid of being 30 and single? in my opinion those are the wrong reasons to marry. Have you thought about what it really means to be a wife, to be a mother, and to be a home maker? Those are not responsibilities you should take lightly.

while i appreciate your honesty and desire for something serious, i think that you need to reexamine your goals for marriage. Do not develop a timetable for yourself based on everybody else's timetable. So what if your friends are married? Be patient, and take your time. You are almost done with school, take time to develop yourself, find a job or something to do, that way when the man finally comes your way, you can add something valuable to his life emotionally, physically and financially.

there are a few youngmen offering their emails on here, who knows something good might come out of that too.

Good luck and wish you the best

This guy needs to take a chill pill abeg. all his prophecy done de tire me

Some of these fables need to be corrected in the mind of people. Yes it is possible to be a virgin and not bleed after intimacy. If the lady is very active, or rode a bike at some point in time, fetch water from well, all those crazy strenuous things we do in naija, turns out those things can break your hymen without you knowing.

Naija men, please be educated about this

GboyegaD: Congrats Mercy.
When would we start having educational competitions being sponsored as part of CSR since all we have now are either singing or dancing competitions

Your comment makes a lot of sense. Instead of all these companies spending a lot of money on an already buoyant entertainment industry, more educational competitions with attractive prices like this will make students sit up. But as always, naija no de ever think pass shayo and leisurely things. Congrats to Mercy, she has a powerful voice

i am a little disgusted by this. Who in their right mind would want to marry someone who deliberately has kids all over the place. To each their own sha. Wishing all concerned best of luck

gidiMonsta: I just hope M.D. Abubakar is successful with his NPF reform plans, he is making a lot of sweeping changes that effected nd sustained we won't be making jest of our poilce force but praising them instead.

Seconded

CAPITAL NO. What is this advocacy for TB Joshua on Nairaland, there is a thread about him every other week. Anyone that want to go there should go and leave the rest of us alone.

Asa is numero uno. Omawunmi is also good. Ruby is also a very good soul singer. She is up and coming


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQ8cmLJ31Dc

is it possible that people just do certain things out of convenience or force of habit, for instance like holding their keys (regardless of if it is a car key or a house key)or phones? Just a thought. By the way, i do not do either

I think you need to talk to your dad and find out the truth. Abuse is not something to be taken lightly. This isnt something you should sweep under the carpet. If there is any truth to the matter, think about what the girl is going through and what she has to deal with. Would you want someone doing that to your daughter? Get to the bottom of the issue and try to find out the truth about the matter. Hope it is a false accusation for your sake.

Good luck

NO it is not a good thing to double date. You are either in or out, hot or cold.Period

wow jamb cutoff is at an all time low. I remember that during my time, if you wanted to read a serious course, you had to have atleast 220. This was 2001. Ye mo gbe, i don de old small o. i entered univ. 2001. its been a while o.

cugresources: Hmmmmm....what a world, Nigerian girls and money-mongering habit, sighs. Must it be all about money? Where are your guddam prides and worths Nigerian sisters? This money-chasing won't lead us anywhere; whoever will be rich in life must be rich, come rain come shine, it will only take time, so why sell your feminine gifts for money? who all these? Too bad....shaking my head disappointedly...

Ah ahn brother, wassup with the broad generalizations, not all naija babes are like that now. Its like us saying all men are cheats, when in reality it isnt so. Not all nigerian girls are money mongers, same way that not all men are cheats

@ OP, some of your claims are a little general and cannot be proven, but you have made some really good points.

My liver no strong for online dating. kudos to people who have the balls to give it a try

free2ryhme: Dear Nairalander Pls assist me in asking these busy bodies wey dey this quotes say dem no get work? Them take nairaland swear for una. All the posts on nairaland is filled with their nonsense tatafoo. I pity una husband oooo ... Nairaland Ashawoss

Takes one Nairaland Ashawo to know one. Stop begging for attention and either answer the question or move on. Baggatwat

Crown Prince: Love whot anwers?
After the Op remote controlled a man against his will with supernatural powers to defraud and depossesed him of his earn earnings, law of retributive justice abi na Okafor caught up with her and here she is masquarading under the umbrella of new identity. Whot happen to the man she sent his wealth to the devil? Has she apologised?
Those devil signature she got out of greed,had they suddenly disappeared?
I will suggest she put up an experiment on the husband by slapping the day light out of him in public glare,if the husband responds manly as expected,then the covenant broken,if not,wahala dey.
Madam Op,try and reconcilled with the man you torment before asking for Gods forgiveness. That to me is practical christianity.

Let him who has no sin cast the first stone. Why dont you focus on making sure your way is right with God and let coldfeet do the same. Afterall you are not God to judge the state of her heart now. Why is it so hard for christians to let people forget the past, even after Jesus Christ himself has forgiven the person's past.

@ Coldfeet, i am happy you realized your mistake and repented. You could have gone back to that babalawo and chose not to, despite losing every thing. If that is not true change, what is? Dont let anyone put you down.

In any case, can we get back to the original thread

Men/women cheat because they want to. I always say that if you know that someone has aids, no matter how hot she is, the man will control himself. Cheating is a choice that people make. Women do encourage men to cheat by dating or sleeping with people they know are married,or have someone. It is a choice on both parts of men and women.

Daresh: [b][/b] For me it's "stay with him, what makes you think the next one will be any better". Like seriously !

This exactly....Sad thing was i was hurting so bad from this guy cheating on me (we had been together for 3 years), and most of my friends kept giving me this bullcrap advice. I stayed for about 6 months, and hated every single day of it. then i decided to hell with this nonsense, this isnt who i am. Broke up with the dude. Best decision i ever made.

neyostica: Op, leave the girl alone, she wants a real man who can takecare of her not some struggling modafucker like you. Yeye boy, why she go contribute? You beta go n work harder. Queensmith, you are a foollllllllllll

What kind of response is this? Common sense is not so common o

@ OP, i am sorry but the girl is talking crap. Most of my friends married back home do not have wives that think like this, my sister is married and does not think like this. My parents have been married and my mum does not think like this. I am surprised that everyone accepts that this is the way things are done. This is not completely true. Some couples have the setup where the man provides everything, but when the woman is working, she may buy the food and other smaller stuff to keep the house going.

The man is supposed to be the provider of the home, but the woman also contributes. Marriage involves two people, and it is a partnership. It involves shared responsibility. Yes she should contribute to paying the mortgage, and yes she should also contribute to the upkeep of the house. What kind of faulty reasoning does she have? Abeg o, this is not a cultural thing. I dont know what planet your gf grew up in, but her thinking is a little surprising to me.I personally don't have any friends in Naija that think like this.

thebrideng: I always have repsects for you when I read your comments, but this one made me loose one of the respect. How can you say such. A wife's duty is to serve her husband inrespect of quarrell or no quarell. It is not right for the woman to ignore her responsibility, no matter what happens.

a wife's duty is to serve her husband? really? kai kai kai....KAI!!!! Is she a slave? Nawa o, women have truly suffered in this life. Serve ke? What about the part that the husband is meant to honor his wife. Why is it always a one way deal with SOME Nigerian Men? Nawa o

Everytime posts like this come out, comments suggests that it is the woman's job in life to preserve her marriage. My question is what about the man? What is his role, abi didnt they marry themselves? Hmm, bone all the culture excuse, or the whole western mind concept, the way marriage is portrayed in Nigeria, it makes me not want to get married. Kilode? A woman must do this or that, the man nko?

Marriage is a partnership. The woman is a helpmate, and the man is meant to honor her. Men are too quick to mention that women are meant to be submissive, well that doesnt mean she is a slave. How about honoring her? What does it mean to honor someone? I bet it doesnt mean treating her like a slave or denying her the right to feel or think for herself. Most of the comments here really makes me see how different my parents marriage is from the norm. I have a new level of respect for my folks, especially my dad

free2ryhme: I am sorry about what happened btw you and your Bf and how he took advantage of you and cheated on you but the question on this Thread states that "Is It Normal For A Wife To Ignore Serving Her Husband Food?". this is not a case of bf and gf but Man and woman under a covenant with God. You have made him your head by taken that oath. Are you saying you will disrespect him at the slightest excuse even go as far as not serving his food. Then what example are you setting as a mother and a wife to the whole world even if we are not watching? I am not defending the man whatsoever but I believe that the woman must make her home her priority and thats including serving the meal in an event of conflict

Thanks much mate. I will never disrespect my husband, atleast that is not my mindset and will never be. But i think we also have to acknowledge that people deal with issues differently and we truly dont know what kind of quarrel they had. Would i personally refuse my husband something because we are fighting, probably not. But that doesnt mean that i will now judge someone who handles emotional issues differently.

I am also pointing out that both men and women tend to act childishly in such situations, so why the double standard? Once again, i think that whenever couples have an issue, they should both settle it in mature terms. And that means that sometimes, someone has to be the bigger person and reach out even if the other person is at fault. If the wife refuses to serve food, the man can respond in such a way to calm her down. is that too much to ask?

queensmith: The double standards, standardly ridiculous. If it were the man serving food people will come here and lament that the woman is a witch. So if a man is angry at his wife and is not in the mood for sex should he inject his penis with cement and force sex in a situation that required a completely different sort of attention, does the sense of women on nl not go beyond foolishness? I mean i understand men to come here and chat rubbish but to all the women i am dissapointed. At the op yes it is very normal to be pissed off and not in the mood for jolly dinner time, serving dinner like all is well is like pouring water into a bucket full of holes, covering a hole in the wall with paint, sitting on a broken chair, the problem is there and will not go away no matter what until you pay attention to it. If the woman is being childish and the man is hungry he will find a way to settle the argument asap! Nonsense and ingredients!

lolol, this cracked me up to no end. My dear i tire for double standard o when it comes to women matter. The one that rubs me the wrong way is that it is the culture. My parents are Nigerians, born and bread in the village, yet i have never seen my dad treat my mom like a lesser being or go out and cheat on her because she refused to serve him food due to her annoyance from a quarrel. When you point the double standard out, then it becomes an argument of having a westernized mind and how your marriage will not succeed because African marriage is different.

Once again, i think that childish behaviors during quarrels happen on both sides and the goal should be to sort out issue rather than get even with your spouse. But to each their own sha