₦airaland Forum

omosexy1: My Opinion - Women are emotional beings and act likewise especially when they are angry. However, this (not serving your husband food) is not a logical thing to do. It is just like ignoring your responsibility in the office because your boss hurts your feelings. Understanding our roles in relationships and marriages is very important. Certainly, there will be issues, even flimsy ones but this does not empower us to take it out on our partner in the name of proving a point. It will only make things worst.

For those who say the man who go elsewhere to eat and also cheat. Please, a man will cheat on a woman even without any reason. Men please we know the truth, we should stop deceiving these women. A man will cheat on you even if he loves you.

nice post. Thank you.

Agbenyiess: Men that cheat on their wives after little aguement, has been noursing the idea in their head before the aguement. I can't cheat on my wife for whatever reason, Why? because i fear God, have respect for the covenant of marriage that we have, i love and respect my wife and will do my best not to break her trust and above all, i don't want my children to hate me whent they grow up. Don't be discourage about marriage, their are individual diiferences and nothing is impossible with God.

But if my wife makes it a habit of refusing to serve me food or even cook after an aguement, then their is something she has not learnt. what men love most in marriage is, respect, Sex, Food etc. therefore, i will seat her down and talk it over with her, if she won't refuse me sex because of aguement, food shouldn't be an excption. (any way, marriage is a full time ministry -so to say and must be given all it takes.

God bless you, your children and children's children

free2ryhme: Must you justify your anger by not serving his meal? what is this world turning into

Free to rhyme, did you see the part where i said i personally do not keep malice? You replied to my post without fully reading everything i said.

people deal with anger differently. My former bf would not talk to me for 3 days if we had a quarrel even if he was at fault. He just preferred that we do not talk about it. How is that different from someone refusing to serve her husband food or in some cases denying their partner intimacy?

I think that when couples quarrel, they should be more concerned about settling issues in a mature manner, and i clearly stated that in my last post.

Men are too quick to cry foul when it involves a woman's action. what about when the woman serves the food and the man refuses to eat? What about when the man refuses to have sex with his wife, even if the quarrel was his fault. African culture is all about making the woman seen and not heard. If i have to become a robot or non thinking/feeling being in my marriage, then i do not want any part of that.

So if the man continually misbehaves, a woman is not expected to register her displeasure? Like i said, in my last relationship, my bf took advantage of the fact that i wouldnt keep malice or give him the silent treatment. That did not stop him from cheating. A man go everly do wetin de him mind. Sadly they will always blame their BS on the woman whether it is her fault or not

Outstrip: You hit the nail on the head. People are having marital conflicts that includes ignoring each other for days and someone is whiningover the small issue that he was not "served" food. Foolishness of the highest order. The most annoying ones are the ones who say that the man will go someone else and enjoy someone elses cooking. I mean are they even aware that that statement make them seem like they are mentally and physically disabled? If food is what will make you cheat on your spouse you truly need to go for deliverance. That statement always rubs me the wrong way

This^^^If food is a husbands priority during a quarrel rather than settling with his wife, then the man has a problem. And if not being served food causes the man to cheat, then the man is just looking for an excuse to misbehave. That being said, couples need to learn to settle issues in a more matured manner. i personally do not believe in keeping malice. It is a waste of emotion. However, my last bf took advantage of that and it pissed me to no end. Just cos i decide to talk to you even though you annoyed me does not mean the problem is solved.

Its really sad that no matter what women do, it always seems like a no win situation. If her husband is at fault, they will somehow blame it on her. Really sad

haha, i see how this can be a surprise but i can relate with your parents. I am terrible with dates and my siblings always have to remind me of birthdays. Its not that i do not know the dates, and i may remember the day before, its just that on that particular day, it may not register until later that day or the next day. In your parents case its two days later.

By the way @ 22, you are a full blown adult and should not be too offended by this. If it was your bf, i would say flipout, but your parents, eh not so much

ayodele123: My opinion:
For a woman,love and money are intertwined and are the same.
For a man, love and sex are interwoven and are the same.
If you are asking if there is love without money,is it not the same as asking a man if there is a marriage without sex?
If we expect a woman to love without money in the equation,ask a man if he can scale through a marriage without sex in the equation and without looking elsewhere?

Interesting point of view, and well articulated too.

I always find the comments interesting when the issue is about love and money because we women come out at the receiving end. I think that love is possible without money if both parties are willing to work together as a team.

For everyone who generalizes about all naija babes being gold diggers, i guess my question is where are you meeting those girls and what kind of impression do you give when toasting? From personal experience, guys always try to toast me with money or by telling me what they have, or just plain showing off, and it is personally irritating.

A man should have substance (intelligence, honesty and integrity, sense of responsibility, godliness) beyond his money, because money is something that can easily be lost. At that point what is left of the man? it is that substance within the man that will make him rise up again when s*** hits the fan. It is the same substance that will also give him the strength of character to remain faithful. Women should have this same substance too so it applies both ways.

If you chase a broke babe with no future ambition, you should be ready to keep up with her bulls***. And the fault will be yours.

By this i am not saying money is not good to have, but i think in terms of what is needed and our wants, people need to set their priorities. The man should be doing something worthwhile an atleast have enough to take care of himself.

As for me and my house, if the way you approach me is based on what you have/money, i always feel insulted, like you are putting a price on me. But then again, i am self driven and believe that everyone should have her own money regardless of how little it is. i dont want your money, i want the man himself and that means that he has to be correct with or without money.

To be honest, how many of us truly want our parents to move into our matrimonial home. It is my responsibility to take care of my parents after they are retired, however they do not have to move into my house. I will adequately provide and pay for whatever needs done.

Knowing my parents, they wont even consider moving in or asking me for anything. They are both working and independent and are making plans for retirement. This is the best case scenario because i know whatever i do for them will be out of love and appreciation, and not pressure.

Tgirl4real: My dear,

1Cor 7: 10-16 makes God's position on divorce very clear. Am not advocating for women to condone abuse. I'm only providing clarity on scriptures.

The bible also says that men should honor their wives and not provoke their kids to anger. Is beating or unfaithfulness part of honoring your wife?

This is truly a sad story and i sympathize with the kids. But please, where are the family members of the women while she is being maltreated. I know that my father or my siblings for that natter, will never allow me to stay in a marriage where i am continually being abused. in as much as we do not want to encourage women to enter marriage with the mindset of divorce, we also should encourage them to have some level of independence. Its really important that women don't marry against their parents wishes (especially/only when the parents have reasonable reasons for objecting) that way when things dont work out, they have somewhere to go.

I dated a guy for 3 years and when i found out he cheated, i nearly killed me. The number of people that advised me to stay were numerous, even married friends. It wasnt easy but after 6 months i knew i cldnt handle it and i left. During that 6 months i saw myself becoming someone i was not and that was leading to depression. I had to tell myself that it was my life and na me the shoe de pinch. People will give advise, but ultimately the choice is yours.

Do we think its hard to leave, YES! But at some point women need to stand up and start taking control of their destiny. It is not mine to remain with a cheat or a wife beater. I will rather remain single or divorced.

This nonsense about women not having anywhere to go, honestly if you take the first step, things will fall into place somehow. The problem is Nigerian women have been conditioned to live with such animalistic behavior from men and its really sad. Another thing is Nigerian women like to be kept. Some of them know that the man is not marriage material, but they go ahead and marry him cos of money or what ever. Its even worse now cos girls are so materialistic and will sell themselves for BB or human hair. Its high time we started being independent of our men. As a married women, contribute to the house income, even if it is 10k. Do something for yourself, that way when things go wrong, you have a life of your own you can build on

livapul86: @All: I think we should read through the OP's post again and be sincere with ourselves. Clearly, the Op must have gotten the job on the basis of Federal character policy and as such might not have written any 'special' test. Op, I do understand your sentiments and to be frank with you its totally doable. Firstly, go the department concerned and try to relate with any guy man working in the unit, he should be able to put you through on who to meet. As long as the job was zoned to your state, it can be worked on. Most people castigating you don't live in Nigeria and this might seem absurd to them. Recently, the Central Bank advertised for a job and they clearly stated that they needed candidates from only Taraba, Gombe, Bayelsa, Ebonyi to apply and take their slots.

While i understand your point about federal character, it still does not change the fact that there are other people from his state that applied for the job. If they have a backup candidate for the position, i think it is unfair for his brother to come in from nowhere and take that position. Afterall if they wanted to give the job to his brother, they would have done so in the first place.

In all things, let us try to be fair and consider other people. Na all man de hustle for naija. sometime we forget that

@ OP, i understand your concern for your brother, but beyond accepting or rejecting the offer of the organization, it is non of your business who they chose to replace you. Infact it is almost unprofessional to recommend your brother especially if he didnt go through the screening process. If they ask for your opinion, you can make recommendations, asides from that it is really not up to you to decide your replacement.

Keep looking out for family, it is a good mindset to have. Congratulations on your finding employment

For those of you saying that others might do the same in his shoes, I always find that statement presumptuous. How do you know what someone else will do in a given situation. Speak for yourself and let others do the same.

freecocoa: Bless you too my sister.

I just wonder why any sane lady would go through the stress of begging a man who has made up his mind to leave,he may stay after you've crawled,rolled,knelt and begged but hey he'd keep threatening to leave at the slightest provocation till he finally leaves.

For sure. I am waiting for the comments about pride.

freecocoa: Most of you are even getting it wrong.

The OP didn't ask if we would beg or apologize to our man when\if we wrong him.

The question says"can you go down on your knees to beg a man not to leave?"

Nobody is even considering the fact that the man may be at fault and still want to leave maybe cos he's fallen out of love with the lady or he's just tired of her,you people should leave all the long talk and address the issue the way it is.

FreeCocoa, God bless you. Even me sef i goofed. Was just reading the topic again and mesef i come see say i just de talk kneeling down and apologizing if i am wrong, i no come address the begging of the man to leave.

To finally answer this question. The answer is No. If he wants to stay, he will accept my apology before it gets to the point of him threatening to leave especially if i have mended my ways. If he wants to leave, let him go. Na him know wetin him de find. The grass isnt always greener on the other side. I dont know about others, but it is a hassle keeping someone who doesnt want to be kept. Plus me i know say i be correct chick, i am not perfect but i try.

[quote author=~Killz~]Kneeling, whether done by a man or woman, whether greeting an elder, or whether kneeling in prayer is a sign of respect and humility. Do you believe that?

I can greet while standing and i can also pray standing. It depends on the depths i want to take it to. Kneeling is not a prerequisite, but culture teaches that kneeling signifies sincerity, and even at that, i don't think any man would say to a woman "YOU MUST KNEEL". . . No! The woman or whoever kneeling does it out of her own want and sincerity.
It takes a lot of humility to kneel before anyone, do you agree? That is why when a woman begs a man to the extent that she kneels, she has thrown all manner of pride to the wind, and that is why kneeling is kinda appreciated. . . kinda. Kneeling is a form of apology, given the context in which the kneeling is done, and it is NOT a must. But for you, who offended someone, the act of kneeling could signify the extent to how sorry you really are. . . Could, not must!
Like i said earlier, tears does it for me. other males on this thread abhor a woman kneeling for them, so it's dependent on who you are, and who you are appeasing. But on a general level, kneeling is a sign of humility.
If a woman chooses to beg her husband with tears in her eyes, fine. If she decides to kneel and beg with teary eyes, fine. But i've never ever seen any man that will ask a lady to kneel before him to show she is remorseful. It's the ladies that play that out to show how sorry they are. [/quote]Seen and duly noted. It all boils down to each doing their own. Abeg o make i write my paper finish before i have to go and kneel and beg the professor to not give me zero o...lol

[quote author=~Killz~]Culture is just a way of life. Don't blame anyone for being born into such culture. The act on it's own is NOT demeaning. It only means respect in such culture. I think you take it to mean belittling the woman, while it's not. Jesus can see hearts. . . Humans cannot! Humans tend to work with what they can see. Don't blame them for that! BTW, some ladies see kneeling as the best way they can appease a man they love! Would you blame them for that too? Save your relationship the way you deem fit. Know the man you are in it with. Is he the tears alone type? Pray you meet a man like me who is sold out on tears alone! [/quote]Nah Kills, you kinda get my point but you misunderstand my motives. I don't think that kneeling down is necessarily demeaning in every context. The dignity aspect is usually defined in the context in which a person kneels down. For instance if you kneel down during your marriage ceremony, kini big deal? My qualms with it is when this is the only acceptable mode of apology. I honestly cannot fault someone for kneeling down to appease another, that is not what i am saying at all. Like i said earlier, everyone should be free to express apology as they deem fit. If kneeling down is your way, fine and good. What i am against is the fact that kneeling down is a prerequisite used in judging the sincerity of my apologies.. I mean look at some answers in the forum, the refusal to kneel down is equated with pride or lack of humility. [b]My question is what makes kneeling down more superior to tears during an apology?[/b]Are we more concerned with the action itself, or the intent behind the action? I have seen people go speechless because they cannot find the words to express their regret, but the pain in their eyes and their body language says it all. Should i now reject that apology because they didnt kneel down?


Just as a general note to some other posts: The issue here is not just about begging, its the issue of kneeling down to beg. I dont think most people are saying they cannot apologize for wrong doing. But for some, the issue is why they must kneel? Everyone answers this question differently and no one should be insulted because of their opinion. Do what works for you and your significant other. Cest Finir

Kneeling down is a non verbal gesture that can be interpreted in various ways depending on any given context. I just think that in Nigeria, sometimes we major on the minor and minor on the major. To all who wish to kneel o, by all means do. whatever works for thee and thy loved one.

Nice self-hype Kills, will surely keep the "sold out on tears alone" character in my prayers....lol

Idowuogbo: Dats d key my dear.

Sweet dreams

Thank you o jare. And you too

[quote author=~Killz~]It depends on your offence, and the heart condition of whoever you are begging. Are you sincerely telling me that if after crying your eyes out and he doesn't budge and you realize that kneeling would solve the problem, you wont do it? You may be very humble but then it depends on the guy. Me, i'm sold on tears alone. . . But i cant say the same for the next guy. . . [/quote]I guess my question is, for those guys who must see knees hit the ground, what is it about kneeling down that is more superior to tears? Is the offended person more interested in me apologizing his way, or truly apologizing for my wrong? If someone is truly interested in seeing a sincere apology, i doubt they will give priority to any given act.

I hate to go all spiritual but even Jesus does not demand that we must be kneeling down to pray the sinners prayer, he only asks for a sincere heart and a confession of sin. If Jesus was more concerned about our hearts, why are we humans so focused on actions alone and not the heart.

Anyway i think i have over flogged my own point of view. To each their own.

[quote author=~Killz~]No. I won't want anyone to kneel cos it was part of tradition. I dont really like women kneeling for me. But the op was fazed as to why women kneel. Yes, everyone should be allowed to express their apologies anyhow, but the fact remains that it is culturally acceptable, and it is the default for most Nigerian women. Since we cannot see thoughts or intentions, we base the offenders remorse by the extent they are willing to go to show that remorse. . . A simple "please i am sorry" can suffice, but the degree of offence varies from individual, and the heart condition of the offended also differs individually. Therefore, a simple "please" could give way to tears, kneeling, then crawling. . . It's all in a bid to make up![/quote]Noted and well said. Kills i will gladly cry my eyes out if that is how moved i am by the situation. But all the pre-specified mode of apology/proposal/anything else makes me tired. Its like saying i wont accept my bf/hubbys apology cos he didnt kneel down, or accept his proposal cos he didnt take me out to dinner, give me a rose, kneel down and propose (haha, proposal has become a 3 step process...lol). I am not against kneeling down as an expression of apology, i am against the notion that if i dont do that when apologizing, then i am not truly sorry, or i am not a humble person

gohome: Lik I said kneeling down to beg whoever.. your dad, mum ,hubby etc shows emphasis.We all wish our parents goodluck.. but why do we greet them every morning when we see them. If you dont kneel because you think its formality, sister mi think again. Everything in this world can be abused. People greet you good morning and turn their back.... people marry and cheat the next minute... so its not a bad idea at all to kneel.

Not saying it is bad o, and i agree that anything can be abused. I am just making the argument that we emphasize kneeling down as if the action truly shows our intent. and in most cases it doesnt.

[quote author=~Killz~]In most cases, the man is the elder. . . And even if he wasn't, Nigerian culture stipulates utmost respect from the wife. It doesn't make them less. It's just respect, and a sign of humility![/quote]Kills, would you want someone to kneel because it was part of tradition only? so pretend like you are sorry and have the action to match it as well. I agree that if someone has wronged another, they should be humble enough to apologize sincerely. I think that sometimes we all get caught up in actions that we forget that its the thoughts or the intent that really counts.

By the way i am not saying that everyone that kneels down is pretending. I think that everyone should be permitted to apologize and express their apologies however they deem fit

gohome: No need to lose sleep about kneeling. Kneeling just shows more emphasis. Simple. If you wrong your man so much and you want to say you are truly sorry, its only natural you try to show emphasis. some people cry, while some buy gifts. some also kneel. Same goes when a Man is proposing to you ( just like you said). Couple of Men kneel.

I like your comment though. Its your opinion and it isn't wrong... Its just so unafrican....You throw apologies anyhow you like and you accept peoples apology anyhow they throw it at you. No double standard. NICE

Heres the thing, it does not take anything for me to kneel down for anyone, like i said in an updated post, i can kneel down as a sign of respect, but i really dislike the emphasis on kneeling down as a sign of remorse. I have seen people kneel down to apologize and make faces when the persons back is turned. So what purpose did the kneeling down serve. It is mere formality as far as i am concerned. The significance is not in the action in itself, it is in the motive or emotion behind the action. kneeling down to apologize is not always a sign of humility.

In my culture, kneeling down is done for greeting purposes, during weddings, as well as when you are being prayed for. (a man prostrating in my culture is a sign of humiliation. so we do not do the whole dobale thing. The man squats or kneels during marriage. Same with the lady ) All the extra kneeling down is a judgment call and not a cultural one. My culture is more about the heart of the person, than the action which may not be a true reflection of what is going on inside a person. What you consider unafrican is something i learnt from my great grand parents and downwards. Different strokes for different cultures

Idowuogbo: Kinpo,Kintu,Kilimanjaro lode

Sweerie am assuming dis guy rolled on the floor to beg for ur hands in marriage rite? so kneeling down to beg him shouldn't b much of a task na.

[size=18pt]DISCLAIMER!!!![/size]

Dis is not Badosky scoring points, am jus bin REAL!!!

You are missing my point. I am saying that i do not expect anyone to kneel down for me for any reason. And the same way i do not have that expectation of anyone, no one should have that expectation of me. Will i kneel down to greet an elderly person as a sign of respect? Hell YES!!! Will i kneel down to beg anyone? NO? For the simple reason that if someone is going to accept your apology, i dont think that kneeling down should be a factor? what does it prove, that both your knees can touch the ground? Not all kneeling down is sincere and therefore in my books it doesnt count.

PS: i would hope that my hubby to be would be more creative about proposing. kneeling down is definitely something i do not want to see.

I dont have a problem with apologizing,infact if i am at fault, ha i will apologize with all my heart. But the whole kneeling down thing gets on my nerve. What is it that i cant say on my feet that i have to kneel down for and vice versa?

I think that people are too quick to kneel down. If you are proposing, you kneel down, feed hubby wedding cake, kneel down, secondary school nko, kneel down, raise up your hands and close your eye. Kilode?

The same way i do not expect the guy to kneel down for me in the name of apology or for any other reason, that is the same way i do not expect to kneel and beg someone. If you truly want to accept my apology, kneeling down should not be a factor in my opinion. To me kneeling down is just another form of manipulation in some cases. Some one will mess up badly, will kneel down and say sorry, and you ma go chop nonsense. Meanwhile he/she knelt down cos he/she knew that will make you feel like he/she is being humble. Kai i dont want jo, keep your knees to yourself.

did she want to spend time with the guy or was she more interested in what he had to offer? I am not of the opinion that guys should be stingy, and i think the guy could have been more creative, but seriously first dates shouldnt be all about spending money.

By the way, i love yogurt...lol

If you are not married, please walk away. If you are married, hmm, i don't know what to say

I think Jamb scores expire after a certain number of years, but O levels should be fine. I wrote JAMB in 2001 and i think i remember seeing something like that. The same goes for GRE in the states, it expires after a certain number of years. But JAMB,SAT and GRE are considered standardized test and are quite different from qualifying exams. Make sure you clarify your information though, because O levels exam should not expire.

Both. why settle for one when you can get the best of both worlds.

To be honest, pounded yam is a lot better than poundo yam. Poundo yam is much easier to make, but na pounded yam carry first. And this is coming from someone who used to pound yam every Sunday afternoon, and atleast twice during the week.

Don't know any of them, but wish them well.

Kai, its a risk i dont think is worth taking. Generally people can change, however marriage is not really a factor. It boils down to the person admitting that their way of life is wrong and deciding to make things right. From what we see nowadays there are more married men cheating. Married women are also heavily joining the equation. Kids are not always a factor. Some men change after they have kids, some don't. Its really a gamble, one i don't think i will like to make.

If a person shows you their true character during dating/courtship, please believe them. People don't change easily

Some of you are really insensitive. Joking about the death of someone's loved one. The death of any human being is sad. If this is true, RIP