₦airaland Forum

blank: How far?

tks for asking

I feel like many things moved into the right direction recently, we've finally made the decision to move back (we were just considering it before), but we have to give ourselves some more time to plan things properly. I don't think we'll be moving before a couple of years though, because we need to secure job/business and house first and we don't want to rush there and be forced to come back if things don't work out fine. Two/three years sound like an eternity but we'll have to make a few trips there and many other things to think about/plan... So I guess we'll be busy enough to not count the days.

@hamsky, sure, I will let you know. I hope it won't take me too many trips to figure things out, though.

@ all : thanks for your advices

@balogunsam : tks for your input. I already have contacts to clear the car in nigeria and ship it from germany for a price that fits my current budget. Now it all depends on what I can find in germany. I actually don't plan to drive the first car(s) I will ship, but sell them. I'll buy a very sweet and modern car for myself when the time comes

hamsky, thanks again

@olanshi : email sent

@hamsky : tks for your reply, it feels better knowing I can get some info in english. What about the 'paperwork' once I choose the car, is it in english too or will I have to sign papers in german? I was thinking of going to hamburg, berlin or frankfurt. Is it easy to go around with public transportation/taxi, I'm a bit worried since I won't have much time to spend there...

Hello all,

I am not familiar with the auto section at all, even though I found some very useful info there. I am planning to go to Germany very soon and will be looking to buy a second hand car there. The problem is, I don't speak a word of german, and my visit will be quite short. Does anybody have a website/info on how to find a reliable second hand car seller in germany?

many tks

Daresh: Tell him you are ready to try for a baby and go and put in ur birth control.

My thought exactly.

It all depends on the man. If he is truly my future husband, that we know each other well, that I am financially independent and we are both ready for marriage, if our families agree on it. Then money is not the main issue. Wedding is just a day, marriage is forever. As long as the necessary requirements for a happy and long lasting marriage are met, I don't care much about the wedding.

I've tried this dish before and loved it but didn't know the name, now I'm definitely marking this recipe

ronkebp: Don't say anything, your husbands knows that you will bring down hell with what happened, if i were you, i will disappoint him by not bringing down hell, go and cool off first and then come back.

Exactly, cool down first, don't pretend that you are happy and all but just don't do anything yet. No reaction for now, at least, nothing he can notice. Then take some time to seriously think about it.

I think knowing that you know and seeing no reaction from you, you might get something out of him, at least, that would help you clear your judgement.

armyofone, the memories you shared got me dreaming i might not find this dish so boring now

ronkebp : yes, I loooooove moin moin, but can't be eating it everyday, can I ?. . Well, maybe I can actually

Glad to see you've found your answers. Good luck !

Maybe you should take more time to think about it if you are still not 100% sure. You can still date him for a yr or more, since you are still young. Remember that the challenges you encounter as gf/bf will still be there when you are married and some new ones will come.

It seems you worry a lot about people's perception of your boyfriend, but concerning marriage, you should focus on more determining issues : does his disability still allow him to work and be financially independent? For how long? What are the things you will need to do for him on a daily basis? How about when you have children? When he gets old?

I don't think a disability in itself is reason enough to not consider him for marriage, one of my cousin is in a wheelchair, his wife and him met and got married fast after that and they are still together over 15 yrs later and very happy. However, you should go into marriage with opened eyes and realistic expectations, nobody can blame you if you feel you can't do it, but if you do it out of pity for him and later let him down, that would be terrible

Maybe we should try creating different topics on this family section. Since I've been there, I've noticed that those scary topics are those that get most answers/attention. We could just change that by creating and participating to different topics. I don't have much ideas right now, but I'm sure we can find other family related things to talk about.

As for the kind of marriage topics we see here, I have to say it mainly scared me at first. I also participate on other forums (western ones) and though these kind of issues arise from time to time, the family section is usually a very light, inspiring and fun section. I sometimes wonder if this section is a true reflection of what is really going on in nigerian marriages...

thanks all for your replies

I'm actually a bit disappointed since I was expecting a whole new dish, but it's just "beans porridge" with corn in it.

I looked a bit on the internet and found that :

http://www.9jafoodie.com/adalu/

http://littlemissgastronome..fr/2011/04/adalu.html

From that website it is called "adalu" in yoruba and "Agua na Oka" in Ibo. It looks a bit like the beans I usually cook with plantain (but without tomatoes)

This website has a slightly different recipe (with tomatoes) :

http://www.foodandlens.com/2011/01/adalu-beans-corn-with-grilled-plantain.html


I was thinking about something more different... I can't seem to find my next favorite dish

Hello all

I'm still trying to broaden my nigerian cooking skills ( ), but my hubby is not very cooperative I've heard about a dish that includes beans and corn, but that's all I could get out of him (guess it's not his favorite). Do you know about such a dish? What is it called in yoruba, and do you have a recipe?

Tks, and if you have any other suggestion as what I should learn to cook next feel free to contribute!

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Anyway, there are health repercussions (risk of developing asthma, lung cancer, etc) involved here as the kids are subjected to "passive" smoking.[/quote]Exactly! Some of my family members, and many of our friends smoke but they never do it in front of the kids. They go out to the garden or to any private place where children can't smell the smoke. The same way I watch my language, drinks and behavior in general in front of kids.

I will not lie to my kids that some adults smoke, but they will be aware of the risks attached to it and will know that others have to be respected (I also hate it when people smoke in my presence, had to argue with some friends when I was pregnant)

Tgirl4real: @ Mis-Ife,

I dint want to quote cos ur post is long.

You made a lot of sense. You just said it as it is.

Thanks

Gaggi: Thnks ma'am.

U're welcome. I love talking and I'm married to an introvert, so i know what I'm talking about

Keep up the good work and enjoy your marriage

Gaggi: Thnks, i'm working on it. Just that if i dnt talk for 10 mins she wants to knw whats on my mind. If i say nothing is on my mind, she doesn't believe and claims i'm not being open. She wants to discuss every single thing. It's frustrating sometimes. Sometimes a man needs to think and clear his head alone. Haba

Make her talk instead. Ask her what she thinks about this or that, tell her you were thinking about changing the room style, maybe a new color for the pillows, something like that. That should make her talk, then just ask questions to show interest/make her explain. We women like to talk about every details of things. Ask her about her day, where she bought her new dress, what can you wear tomorrow.

I guess this is the kind of small talk that will make her happy, and she might not think about talking and talking again about more annoying issues.

Trust me, small talk is important.

Thinking about a recent thread here, I'd say any health-related issue should be discussed before marriage too. If one member has any long term condition, the other one should know, even if it is something that can be controlled through medication (asthma, diabetis etc.).

Expectation about husband/wife should be discussed too. Many men don't mind their gf dressing sexy for girls night out but will never let them do that once they are married. The same way gf will not mind her bf going to club every friday and saturday but will refuse it to him once he turns husband. It's better to be honest with what we expect.

davidylan: threads like this are good for those of us on the sidelines. The only reason i havent married now is because of paralyzing fear . . . fear that i might make a mistake, fear that she may not be the one, that i may stop loving her after a few yrs.
I have learnt in the last couple of yrs that indeed no woman is perfect, that the type of woman we envision in our heads exists only in the realm of fantasy, that loving someone is not so much a feeling as it is a conscious decision, that you know you truly love a woman when she has the ability to change your outlook on life and you find yourself developing an uncommon patience for her many flaws, that communication is even more essential to a marriage than s[i]e[/i]x!

So in the interest of my mother's emotional stability, i have decided to be married in the next 18 months max.

What a news !

You'll be fine, don't worry, pls, don't forget to send us invitation

@ronke : I can recognize myself in what you say too I remember, during this first year my first prayer point was to "learn to love my husband more". I also had a guy who was after me and kind of proposed more or less at the same time as my hubby, I know he was not the right one for me, and I don't regret my decision at all, but at that time it was sometimes not easy to reason, I was scared to make a mistake. Plus, my husband and I didn't know each other that well at that time, getting married was a leap of faith, literally. I truly thank God for he has answered my prayers, and I love my husband more everyday.

I like threads like this one, because as a newlywed I expected everything to be perfect, filled with love and passion, and it was not always the case. Nobody ever told me the first year could be challenging. I hope it will give strength to those going through those "1st year adjustments" so that their marriages will last and get stronger.

It was not much fun actually. Sure, we were in love, innocent and a bit overconfident... but we also argued a lot, doubted, were scared about that BIG commitment, I think my husband was actually way more mature than I was (as usual ), I had heard so many scary stories about marriages going sour that I was on watch 24/7 for any sign of deterioration... It took well over a year to get over those fears, and the older the marriage gets, the happier I am.

I just saw that on the web, and found the dresses amazingly beautiful... makes me want to get married again

http://iamvii./2011/07/06/alfred-angelo-disney-princess-wedding-dress-collection

ronkebp: if buying a bigger T.V will help in the cleaning, my legs are already crossed on the sofa, .

I like your practical view

Gosh, I wouldn't trust my husband with that kind of cleaning.I'm sure he'd just go and buy a new TV.. a BIGGER one

ifyalways: I would know first hand that I and my husband are horrible parents.QED.

why were the kids alone in the house with no adult around?
what if they drank the paint?Beating them would be the last thing on my mind

It actually looks like the little one drank some, doesn't it look like paint on his lips?

I would certainly not let such young kids alone with paint, but if it was to happen for one reason or another, I'll clean and wash as it has to be done. I think the mistake is more on the parents side than the kids. Paint (as well as any other chemical/dangerous stuff) should not be stored in any place accessible to children.

nobody tried to use that before?

I don't really know the name in english actually, I'm not talking about mortar and pestle, but about this kind of things :

It seems those yam pounders do nothing more than stand mixers? Can't we use the same appliances to make pounded yam than those we use in the west to make mashed potatoes?