MrBroke:
An entire family wiped out. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. I keep laughing at those killing themselves for money.

ghettochild:

My brother... just zero ur mother from ur life...
Whenever u get anything to give her...
Send it thru 3rd party..
Change ur number

ehix89:
Lots of love from here bro

MumEmdy:


That your mom is a very terrible mother to her kids and also materialistic. Meanwhile try go for mental therapy as advised, I pray you heal soon from all the mental and emotional trauma you've been through so far. I pray the heavens favor you in the shortest possible time, you are destined for greatness Op.

obawaya:

i came across the post some minutes ago, i was in class.
i showed this to some of my student and lecturers to comment on in my own opinion stay away from that woman stop listening to some people on here telling you no matter what she is your mom because a mother is more than just giving birth nowadays with advance technology we now have Artificial insemination. A lot of people talking on here are ignonrant and limited to education. She only comes to you on a purpose which is money, you don't have any value to her. This is similar to my late dad but though his own case is different when he died i didn't feel he's not existing because he wasn't really part of my life. Let me give you an example now. You commited a crime your mom will never call you with the way you discribe her. Even if the police called her she will deny you, it left to you. Too much sentiment and problem of religion is really a big problem in nigeria and africa

ghettochild:

I'm not sorry to say this...
Your mother is not an "".
She's a failure of a mother n deserves no dime from u..
This is not an issue of people telling u to forgive her..
She's an unrepentant bad mother.. who wants to sow where she didn't reap.
If ur mother can prioritize wrapper over the welfare of her child..
She's not fit to be called a mother.
No good mother will allow her kids suffer.

SeunDAssLicker:


You must not know what it means to be treated like the OP. I also deal with the same issues.

The best you can do is stay away from them all, after all you’ve survived this far without their influence.

If you have, you send to her, if you don’t. Ignore any MF. But first, make sure you deal with your own problems before taking on those of your family.

On the long run, everyone will know where they stand.

EvangelistChuks:
My brother,please thank God that after everything,you were able to graduate from school.Why ,many in lesser conditions or even those that have sponsors couldn’t achieve what you did.That’s the reason you should count yourself privileged for Grace and relate with your siblings as the big bro you are.You are the Father of the house and you should learn to manage crises and challenges no matter where it comes from.As a father you must learn endurance and perseverance.

ehix89:
Outright Trash, Bro, channel all your energy to developing yourself and when you have more than enough you can give to her, for now put all of those money to pause and put them together for certifications, you’ve done remarkably well for yourself despite the odds, no one should dare guilt trap you “na ma’m make call herself mama na her pikin Dey call mummy”, your mum is no more than a relative to you right now and you should treat her as one

NewDea4:


Ya mama na Area Mama

You just have to accept her like that; anytime she ask and you get, give am. No dey look im hand again, just give! It will open your way!

DrDunamis:


Touchy catchy long story, only thing I've got to say now to you is be who you needed while you were growing up now to your family.

Owoado:
Pls send me a DM when you can

Danmisra:

Your childhood and experience was bad just similar to those living with toxic parent,it is not easy.
The case of your family is that of inadequate parent. These are parent that don't care about their children's need financially, emotional etc in fact they expect the children to take care of the them while the children are small or are still growing up , that is their character.
The solution to this kind of parent is to call them direct or indirectly tell them that enough is enough , set boundaries ( financial , their regular request etc) let them know . Also inform your uncles that are indirectly supporting this bad character she is doing cos it draining , emotional , and physically. This way you have expose her because toxic parent the don't want to be shamed and they like to keep their bad character a secret thereby controlling the family and holding the family tight and spreading their toxic lifestyle or their distorted image of reality to their children.
Pls be kind to her ( what u can afford) she is stil Ur mother and sometimes they parent cannot be blamed cos of the way they were brought up and their background ( literates or not ) . You just have to forgive them and move on. You mentioned she didn't went to school so she doesn't know the value of school I assume.
There is something called non-defensive response pls go and learn it because that is the best way to talk to bad or toxic paren ( u can learn it in a book called toxic parent by Susan .....)
But pls don't forget to tell her directly or indirectly how you have to live all these years with all these emotional trauma,abandonment etc and setting boundaries , it is extremely important.
I hope you life gets better and turn a new leaf away from all these suffering.

bukatyne:


First off, apologies you had to go through such an harrowing experience.

You need to forgive your mother, aunt, siblings and others who have hurt it.

The forgiveness is for your own healing else you would be carrying bitterness in your heart which can cause physical health issues and let them live rent free in your head.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forcing a relationship with them or continuing to make yourself available for them to cause you further pain.

You should also explore therapy before entering into relationships so you don't carry that baggage to your lady. Personally, forgiveness and building a relationship with God works wonders.

@ Black tax: focus on standing on your feet. After you have stood on your feet, you can place your mother on a monthly stipend that you can comfortably afford. Then she can't bother you or initiate unnecessary contact because she knows a certain amount is coming in at the end of the month.

In the interim, stop fuelling her excesses; if she wants to attend burials or other functions, she should make her money to sponsor them or rely on her husband.

It is well with you.

Luu40:
She is your mom. Go easy on her. Help her when you can.

One advice I will give you, and any other person you share such problems with is:
1. They're the only family you've got. Even though they act very bad, please don't sever ties with them. However, you shouldn't be stupid either. Help them with what you can, at any time, and in a manner that doesn't make you feel bad.

2. When you have a wife and kids, please be that adult to them that you had wanted for yourself but couldn't get. Be a good man to them, let your life not be like your mom's in any way.

May God help you.

Mypeople2:
Brother when you have give it to her, even if it is N2k , N5k or whatever you can give.Be consistent and God will bless you beyond your imagination .Remember the rejected stone becomes the chief corner stone

Sahad1234:
Look boy, YOUR MOTHER IS A MANIPULATOR, A GASLIGHTER ..I mean no disrespect ..

And if you like stay, fraternize with her, let her plunge you into depression again maybe this time you might not survive it .. and guess what? In just a few weeks time she would tie her wrapper unto the next party forgetting you completely to history ...

For God sake why do Nigerians take mental health lightly with the rate of suicides going on in the country we still don't get it .

All in the name of some stupid religious or cultural beliefs ... You hear wetin you talk " she's my mother no matter what"
Like are you joking ? Lol.. there are no family in heaven , every man with him own kettle...
No wife , husband children nor some stupid marriage acknowledgement in heaven .. so why not choose your mental health over your mother ? You want to die young ? You have a whole life ahead of you ... You go get your own family too someday , your children deserve their father too... Ok? Pls do not be disrespectful to her ... Kindly step aside and work on your dream , on your life to make sure your own children won't go through what you went through..

I understand how difficult this is ... It's like an addiction .. very hard to break free from influence of a toxic mother ...

I can tell you are destined for greatness by how you fought hard to be where you are now ...hmmmmm .. I know you need a family regardless... Someone who will call you theirs . In a few years you would be married and having kids if not already... All the love you have to give or get will be yours by then ... Just don't die before that time by being manipulated ...

By the way in this harsh economy person wey don serve 5years ago sef never balance talkless . Why the pressure for money from you?

Look that woman doesn't love you ... The red flags are there ..

I know how much I spent on therapy ... And how many years I spent in this dark clouds ...

This is just an advice ... Pls don't mind me ...

You hear? Just scroll down you go see better advise..

Plus I pray you find the right woman who will understand you ... Cos ain't easy loving a broken man ... Nor a man with mother issues ... Abi I lie? Doesn't this affect your relationship with others ? Or how do you see female folks in general ?
Don't Bleep yourself up pls..

Choose life!!!

hahn:
Misterbanny

I will advise you to focus on yourself.

Even if you must help, you have to do it from a position of abundance and judging by your story you owe no one a cent.

Alamkir:


No mind that girl na woman she has to support her fellow.

My brother, If u go close to her u will never be successful, because she is d one that will bring u down. In d future if u have money confortably, u fit try small but u dnt owe her just because she gave birth to u. Even God no go vex for u. "I carry u in my stomach for 9month" is what they will use to weaken u even when they are killing u. Dnt get me wrong mom's are wonderful creature but few of them are devil and those few deserve what they get. I know people with wonderful mom's won't get it but I do.

jaxxy:
As far as I'm concerned family is the person(s) who cares about u no matter what. Family has nothing to do with blood relatives especially when they don't care about ur existence unless when it's beneficial to then.

Yes she's ur biological mum bt that's all she is. She's not ur mother based on action or intent atleast right now.

u may however choose to forgive because it Is important to forgive ot because they deserve it.

Watinhapen:
I don’t believe in the school of thought that says “she’s your mother no matter what”. A mother is not just a person that got pregnant and pushed a baby out. A woman that takes care of you till you can stand on your own is what I call a mother. I can go any length for my mother because she single-handedly trained I and my siblings to the university level. I even schooled abroad, though I paid my fees myself but she sponsored my traveling even when she didn’t have so much. I don’t regard my father because he wasn’t in my life, hence I don’t have any special feeling for him.

So, the ball is in your court. You have the moral justification not to send your mother money because she didn’t perform the duty of a mother to you. What if you actually stopped university at some point, will she be demanding money from you.

Anyway, like I said, it all depends on you. You can continue to give her if you want, but don’t expect anything from her. She will always have that attitude of when you give me, you become my friend.

Dchampion65:
If a hunter thinks of difficulty and hardship that was involve in hunting, he will not give anyone out of his bush meat.

Pray for God blessings so that those who think you cant get to the river will drink from your tap water.

Just that you don't stress yourself to meet their demand.






Thanks so much Sir. At times I feel like writing a book about myself, at same time, I would cry try to pen down my experiences. What an ugly experience

Your biography will be interesting to read.

Dchampion65:
If a hunter thinks of difficulty and hardship that was involve in hunting, he will not give anyone out of his bush meat.

Pray for God blessings so that those who think you cant get to the river will drink from your tap water.

Just that you don't stress yourself to meet their demand.

Thanks so much Sir. At times I feel like writing a book about myself, at same time, I would cry try to pen down my experiences. What an ugly experience

Your biography will be interesting to read.

DyingFetus:
Delete that family and mum from your life


Move to another state and start afresh

Change your identity anew

IconicR:
Snap out of that and live your life

You may regret never chosing yourself first before this unreasonable people around you
Seek help as well.

rajiedreez:
Ok, you meet yourself in a very bad situation. But the Nigeria society is such that will overlook whatever you've gone through negatively from your parent all for the fact that they birthed you. On this premise, you'll not disown your mother nor your siblings. If you find it really difficult to relate with them as a family, just try to see them as a responsibility and do the best you can for them.

Was your father a responsible father when he was alive?

STEWpid:
Chai..

This is a very Chai situashun. You lived like an orphan, according to your story.

You had a terrible, unforgivable, and regrettable childhood.

I can't advice you against your Mum.

Hope you're man enough to handle the situashun.

You know your family better.

May the Grace of God continue to be with you.

iammo:



Typical narcissist Nigerian woman, abeg simply avoid her if you want to live longer than your father

Read books about manipulative narcissist people and do your best in life to avoid them

Many narcissist are like cancer and they wont stop until they eat you up, cut them out completely



.

IconicR:
Imagine ooo

I'm pained for the guy

Kobojunkie:
I get the sense, from your write-up, that you live in the North, am I right? If yes, I hear there are some very good mental health hospitals there. I live in the U.S, and over here, mental health is at the core of every human being — even animals— and prioritizing mental health is key to both success and a good life. I have first-hand experience with the benefit of mental health therapy and treatment in helping to resolve frustrations and past traumas. So, I am not here recommending something I have no real experience of.

Kobojunkie:
OP, you seem to be carrying lots of scars and at the same time trying to force a relationship in your scarred and torn state with the one who imposed them on you and continues to. Why not take time out from this relationship to heal from your past hurts as well as work on accepting her for the person she has been and still is?

I somehow get this vibe of you trying to force yourself on someone who only seems to value you as a source of funds and not much else, similar to the relationship between some men and their billers. That isn't a healthy relationship at all to have. My advise to you at this point is that you please seek professional mental health therapy/counseling to help you heal from your past and also help you better understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Afterward, or during, your therapist can help you work on how to approach having a more beneficial relationship with your siblings and maybe your mother. It is perfectly OK to love a person from afar abeg!