₦airaland Forum

Post withdrawn, shoulda checked post history. It is 2018, no time for tribal bigots.

There are many news stories of pedestrians dying and drivers not being charged. It's all about what the law states. Eg, if you are a jay walking pedestrian, the driver will likely not be penalized, at least in most states. Generally, whomever is breaking the law is the one that faces prosecution. Driving with due care and in obedience to traffic rules is very unlikely to get you into trouble if a pedestrian dies because they broke the law.

No need to lie about reduced salary and no, you did not make a mistake by letting her know how much you earn. She is your partner and she should be able to manage that information wisely. Lying to your spouse is never a good idea and just breeds distrust. Who knows if she already thinks you earn more than the 400k and that her 250k is her own "small" share of a much larger pot?

If your wife cannot run the finances successfully, then you have no choice but to step up and take charge. It is not about being authoritarian but about recognizing that you are the head of that household and you have 5 dependants looking up to you to take care of them. You have to do what needs to be done for their financial security.

As for childbirth, take meaningful, specific steps to avoid any future pregnancy. It does not appear that your wife is particularly bothered about having many kids. Some women (not saying your wife does this) even think babies are a smart way of taking money from the family purse. Your budget on the first page states 50k for 1 baby. That is 20% of family upkeep. Some adults find it difficult to connect financial comfort to having a manageable family size. Kids are expensive and the number you have can determine how well or poorly you do with finacial comfort for your family. If it means you have to use condoms to prevent pregnancy, that is what you need to do if you are not 100% sure she's convinced of the need to stop having kids.

Cut your coat according to your cloth. Earning more does not mean you'd save more. It typically means spending more so you have to set a standard now, whether it's 5% of net or 10% or more, start putting money aside.

Phillippians 4, vs 6-7

Be careful for nothing but in everthing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.

I know you mean well but the sooner people learn to keep their nose out of other people's marriages, the better for all concerned.

If your sister could decide to marry this man and stay for 5 years while actively trying to have children, don't you think she would know best what to do in this case? Women like this will eventually do what comes naturally to her, no matter what anyone says. If it is staying till her husband starts bringing girls to the home or till she gets pregnant or gathering her pride and leaving - she knows what she's going to do and she should be okay with it. She is married, the decision is hers and after living with him for 5 years, she knows better than anyone else what that decision should be. She should make her decision and own it.

Hopefully, the emotional abuse stops and does not go beyond this. Once an abused woman loses her dignity and sense of survival, it's over because she will forever be prey until a miracle happens. For whatever reason, going by your account, the husband does not respect her. Disrespect very easily turns to abuse. Best wishes.

P.S. Thanks for clarifying her job status, a lot of Nigerian women still think having a job will protect you from abuse when you marry a predator. A predator will take your money and abuse you on top of that. Predators identify, pursue and marry their selected prey. Working, paying the bills or having money does not protect you. The thing that protects you comes from deep within you - your dignity, your self respect, the value you place on yourself, your basic self survival instinct.. . . .

injuredman:
Hi House, I am here to solicit advice for a sister. Here is her story.

She and her hubby have been married for almost 5 years now. In January this year, she observed that her hubby was very fond of a particular girl on their street. Every time he passes by the girl's shade, he will stop in the pretense of buying fruits which the girl sells. It graduated to stopping without buying fruit. If he passes there 3 times in a day, he will stop 3 times. This sister approached the man, and asked what he thinks others will say about this seemingly over familiarity. Hubby dismissed her.

About 3 weekend ago, some concerned friends called this sister to alert her of a certain post on her husband's facebook wall. She was not initially moved until her brother called some hours later on that same subject. Apparently, the fruit girl had gone to the man's wall to express love to the man. The man responded freely and teasing the girl in return.

On seeing this, the lady went to the hubby ask him what is going on. The hubby walked the wife out. After a day without any explanation or acknowledging anything, the sister went to the girl's shade. She to told the fruit girl, "that I don't react to all that is going on doesn't mean I am not seeing or that I approve it, you are a women, so consider if it were you". Since then, the husband has made life unbearable for my sister. He stopped giving money for food or eating at home. He only gives the house help money to buy 'indomie' for his mother who lives with them. He sent the girl to go back to her parents until he comes for her. Everybody around the family has begged him to allow peace to reign, but he is adamant, saying his wife went too far by approaching the fruit girl. The mother is on my sister's side, but instead of listening to his mum, he is threatening to send her back.

My sister is emotionally down at the moment. Her pain is complicated by the fact that they are still trying to conceive and currently undergoing some treatment with a gynecologist.

Should she apologize to the hubby as the husband demands or just lie low? Your matured advice will highly be appreciated.

This is really embarrassing
There is no correlation between the topic and the shared social media post.
At best, the post contrasts the Left and the Right in American politics. In its simplest not-hard-to-understand form, you could say it's talking about Republicans and Democrats
To link this to feminism is reaching and frankly scary because anyone that believes that missing connection can either not read or cannot think.

On the contrary, a lot of stylish women do wear dark colors. They just know how to pull it off with designs and accessories that accentuate and flatter.

OrdercityWeb:
I was having a discussion with a few friends yesterday. I told them emotions aside, intertribal marriages shouldn't be ENCOURAGED.
..
Why? To preserve our culture, our identity is in our culture. I know alot of products of intertribal marriages that are torn between the question of identity.
I once read where a lady from an intertribal marriage said her mom insisted she married her own tribe as against her dad's.
In many intertribal homes there is this cultural neutrality, and many times there's a power play on the kids among the two in-laws.
Even the bible doesn't encourage intertribal marriage, remeber the instructions Abraham gave to his servant and the fact that Jesus was sent to the jews ONLY initially.
Have you wondered why the Chinese and Koreans do not marry outside their race, why do you think there is that cultural cohesion and reverence with them anywhere they go.
...
My take is INTERTRIBAL MARRIAGES SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGED.
What's your take? Please be factual and intelligent DO NOT APPEAL TO EMOTIONS.

**modified**
Alot of people are saying "culture evolves". Yes cultures evolve. But fundamentals like identity remains same.
Culture evolves. Identity doesn't. The fact that the Yorubas believe they descended from Oduduwa is UNIQUE TO THEM ALONE AND CAN NEVER EVER EVOLVE.
THE MOMENT IT DOES WE HAVE LOST WHO WE ARE

It is this kind of thinking that gives rise to the delusion of racial supremacy yet you probably don't see yourself as a supremacist nor bigot. Inter tribal as well as inter racial marraiges are a good thing. This idea of tribal/cultural purity (often embedded in the fallacy of tribal/racial superiority) is one arm of a very flawed ideology that perpetuates prejudices that do not belong in our world.