₦airaland Forum

What I find strange is you allowing yourself to be raped by a promiscuous man. If he's as promiscuous as you claim and he has established himself as your rapist, what are you doing in that house? Are you waiting for a terminal STD before your survival instinct is triggered? Even ordinary mosquitos run when they are threatened. If you catch HIV or syphillis or whatever else is out there, who will take care of your kids?

You already made a major mistake, how many more do you want to make? Do not allow yourself to become completely mentally incapacitated. THINK! USE YOUR HEAD!

UjuJoan2:
So you want your own sister, with a salary of 90k to marry a poor man?

Why will a poor man even consider getting married, if not for the entitlement mentality of Nigerian men. You want a wife who will cater for your needs and bear your children, you want a family where you will be the 'head', you want to be considered successful by joining your peers to start a family . . . And yet you don't have the financial resources REQUIRED to support the family. Does that even make any sense to you?

I absolutely love the comment about entitlement mentality. A man feels he's entitled to a wife. A woman feels she's entitled to children even though neither of them has the financial capacity and voila! Another poor family unit is born into the economy! Then real and imagined enemies get the blame for their struggles whereas simple arithmetic would have shown the way.

ifycoly:
My dear is true one need to plan to earn more before marriage but this present economy will not allow, so most time you have to do with what you have to get married, who knows what comes next after marriage. It might be progressive or negative.

Actually, you should have a good idea of the standard of living you want for your family before getting married, regardless of the present economy. Marriage is not an "entitlement " nor is childbirth, it is not by force to get married if you can't afford to.

The fact that you're asking questions about what you cannot afford is already concerning. To get married is easy, just don't let contraception be hard lest you bring kids into an existence filled with financial distress. You need more than N80k in Lagos to raise a family. Let Madam go and find work before you embark on pregnancy. Kids are very expensive and you should be aiming to give them more than your parents gave you. I was going to say don't add to the child poverty crisis but you might be offended and that's not my intent.

If a woman's financial independence was the solution to escaping an abusive husband, most women would be living abuse-free. Unmarried Ladies, don't go and marry an abuser because you have a job. An abuser abuses, regardless of how much you bring in. How many Naija wives are jobless? I do not know of one single abused Naija woman that is unemployed. The ones I have seen were all gainfully employed.

Focus on choosing to marry a non-abuser and do the maths before going into marriage.

@Topic

I doubt submissiveness is dangerous, choosing to marry an incompatible partner is. Submissiveness has become an anthem, maka why? Real men don't shout submission, they don't even mention it. Marriage is a partnership, not slave/master relationship. If the submission song is constantly being played, the marriage has bigger problems. If the husband is cheating and beating his wife, what is she doing about it? Women that claim submission as an excuse to tolerate and accommodate abuse are either intentionally or unwittingly deceiving themselves.

These days, a lot of people just marry who is available and resort to shouting submission (for or against) when problems come up. Who gives a rat's ass about submission? The domineering and controlling species, that's whom! This is not the animal kingdom!

At the very minimum, marry someone that "likes you a lotttttttttttt" let's even put aside the word "love." Someone that would choose you before his/her best buddy. If you're not his/her ride or die, the foundation is already crooked.

Some marriages are wallowing in bad decisions and suffering because of one domineering partner that is being enabled by a wife who thinks not having an opinion is being submissive when it's in fact harming the family. A woman in a marriage with insufficient income sits down and doesn't do anything because her husband says she must not work. That is not submissiveness, it is foolishness. Marriage was not designed to make a woman lose her senses and excuse bad behaviour in the name of submissiveness.

bukatyne:
Hard truths brother:

Your family has seen you as a matryr to carry the family's burdens.

They don't care about you as a person however as a source of livelihood

They will continue to emotionally blackmail you till you pack up or you free yourself.

Should children care for their parents yes? However, you are just to supplement their efforts and ensure they live comfortably.

I don't think the bulk money will work because they will squander it and come back to you for more.

You need to free yourself brother.

They are probably living the life you can't afford.

Imagine asking money for church when she is jobless and you have sent almost 30% home.

Even a bank with their cut throat mentality will ensure that your monthly repayment is not more than 30% so you can survive.

Co-signed!

More on bulk money:

The idea of dishing out lump sums to people with no business acumen or even basic commitment and focus is one of the largest drains in the pockets of my people. The majority of small businesses do not survive and if they do, most will not be profitable in the first few years, at least not enough to reflect the invested effort. Some people are better off picking up a second job carrying bricks than starting a business using "free" funds. If the money is borrowed with interest and/or collateral, the business person might be a bit more serious but no guarantee.

At the very minimum, ask to see a business plan and put some time into verifying if the idea is viable. Some people can sell snow to eskimos but most people do not have what it takes to build a profitable business. Even if they were selling water in the desert, they would still not break even not to talk of making profit.

Oga, you need to urgently see a mental health specialist
You sound dangerously close to the brink of some sort of full blown psychosis
Delay may be dangerous

Wrong thread

Wrong thread

Wrong thread

Victims like this give stay at home Moms a bad name.

1 Is it an AFFORDABLE choice? Look at all your bills, all your kaya
2 Have husband and wife BOTH AGREED to it without compulsion from any angle?
3 Is there mutual TRUST when it comes to money?
4 Is there financial PRUDENCE on both sides?
5 Is there a VIABLE plan (insurance, savings, investments, inheritance, etc) to cater for the dependants if the income earner dies?

If any answer is "no" please get a job and spare us the sob tales. The choice is not for everyone.

I wish this could be a topic for debate in secondary schools so that kids can use their heads to contemplate this before childbearing age when society tells them uncontrolled childbirth without resources is fine.

I suspect the bigger problem, other than injured pride, is that you diagnosed a problem with her vjay then went ahead to consult with a third party (a female to boot) and obtained "treatment" without saying anything to her. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel?

That should not end the marriage though unless one or both of you was looking for a way out of the union before. The deed is done, no two ways about it, you owe her an apology for not discussing the problem with her before embarking on your PM solution. It does not matter how angry she would have gotten. Hard conversations are a part of marriage, some things have to be discussed. We don't know how tactful your communication style is. Truth is, a conversation like that would be beyond what most men can handle well without putting their foot in their mouth. Her feelings are hurt, she's angry and she's probably wondering if you've "tested" the efficacy of the item on other females abi how else would you have been able to testify to its effectiveness?

The more I type, the more I feel like you've dug yourself a hole and just made a big problem worse. Humble yourself and apologize for going behind her back but do not apologize for recognizing a problem and voicing it out. You both should go see a vjay Dr abi is it Gynaecologist they are called? Start from there. Maybe it's an easy fix, maybe she needs surgical solutions. You should have started with an expert first instead of "PM" remedies.

dominique:
Sorry about that, I've unblocked your last two blocked posts. Next time it's best you mail the supermods (link is at the bottom of homepage) or mail the diary section mods, you'll be promptly unbanned

Thanks for the tip

The answer is seasoning. The right quantity aka a tad excessive garlic, ginger and onions will get you there. If you are not too worried about stinking up your home interior, blend/grind those 3 together, add to raw meat then add dry seasoning like salt and thyme before boiling your meat with not too much water. You can also add those first 3 without grinding, quantity is the biggest thing to achieve that taste.

@ Topic

Roger that!

Dominique

The spam bot keeps hiding my posts and banning me in the diary section. I think it happens when I try to upload pics. Could you please help? Thank you!