₦airaland Forum

CeterisXVII:
No sir, you are the one writhing in convulsions, because you don't want the woman to bring in her son and care for him. Meanwhile it is people like you that will still turn round to insult and mock her, if her child turns out to be a deviant, or a cultist or a criminal. You will accuse her of being a bad mother....now she wants to do the right thing, you guys are saying crap.

So I suggest you go back and read my previous post carefully, so that you can gain enlightenment.

Read up and see where I asked few questions about her background. The age of the kids, location of her Ex et al. This questions laid foundation to how you got to know her Ex is out the country and all sorts.

I am a social worker, background check is the first thing we do, which I did. I advised accordingly. When you handle issue like this, you don't allow words to becloud you. With her few responses and conclusion, she is ready to make her children the priority rather than her marriage.

In your own view, don't be judgmental or gender sensitive or sentimental, which one would you advise a woman to make her priority?

You don't conclude for a client, you lay down options, which I did. She refused all options available and decided to opt for her choice which is not bad either but I am more concerned on the future consequences especially for the kids.

See, any marriage in this era that breakdown, the children suffer a lot. You can do your research. In SW, what we do is to see how to reduce the suffering of the kids. That I focused more on but the woman is adamant, she wants the boy to be with her. Is that the way marital issues should be handled?

Let's agree that the man is wrong for not accepting, he knows why and has reservations about it. It is understandable. The actions of the boy and staying with two young girls can be dangerous. Nobody prays for bad stuff but if it happens, the kids would not forgive both parents.

Do not create another problem. Patience is what the woman requires. Let me be factual with you, if the woman can drop the man's number, I can assure that the issue would be resolved. All we need to do is assure the man that everything would be fine. The woman has not exhausted that link and she's using force, is that right?

You want or advise her to divorce or separate again?

Please, when would the next admission commence. What the steps and how I can get the courses. Thank you

Babalegba:
What is their current payment policy. I normally pay by text .I got an SMS asking for payment to the bank but I thought it was the work of scammers

Not received this. Still made payment via SMS

ArticleBeast:
Is yours free?

Good question

CeterisXVII:
Another useless advice. You people never read anything properly from the beginning. You always jump in to comment. The father is in Italy. Will you help the mother ship him to Italy?

The relatives have asked the mother to come and pick him. Why should the boy even live with relatives when his mother is still alive, and she is willing and able to take care of her son??

The new husband is just selfish. After all, the new husband AGREED BEFORE the marriage, to allow the boy live with them, but he has now changed his mind....in a hypocritical manner. Shame on him!

I didn't even read your message before replying. I don't respond to myopic and those who fail to read and understand rather throw tantrums because they are be clouded by words.

To your statement -

The woman did not state the location of her Ex at the first instance. I was the one that asked questions before she started voicing out. You can read from page 1 before you start throwing tantrums

Psoul:
May God bless you @Rejoice.

Exactly what I have bn saying and ppl are ranting that the man should just accept the boy no need for begging.

I maintained that all the woman need is persistent talk with the man. Making him see reasons why they should bring the boy home. Assure him that she will make sure that she rehabilitate the boy.

It's not a matter of the woman telling the man that she has enough money to take care of the boy. Some men will see it as an insult.
Also, it's not a case of bn angry with the man and refusing to talk to him.

She need to keep talking to the man and at a point, she will succeed in breaking the man, then he will agree with her.

Thank you. I hope the woman would see this and amend her ways of using force.

[quote author=Vyvyanvyvy post=87420448][/quote]Madam, thread softly. Don't use your present status to decide between your son and marriage. Both are important but you need maturity, patience, God's guidance to handle this issue. You will definitely meet stumbling block where you would need your husband.

With your approach, the man will fight for his own kids. It would be a court decision.

Anger does not solve issues, patience does. You can never be right on this issue. Never. It is fault and until you accept that, you would always be beclouded. Tell yourself the truth.

See, from experience due to the nature of my work, if you thread that path, believe me, you will regret. It is not a curse. It is certain. You can't raise 4kids alone. Even if you do, later in life, the kids would need to know their father. What you ought to have done now would be what you would be struggling to do

From another angle, what about if you fall ill or death comes knocking, who will look after the kids? Look beyond your selfish interest, look inwards on how to have a future for the kids.

We all understand your phlight. I would never advise you separate or divorce again

Ulunne777:
How would you as a12 yr old boy feel if you are bounced around relatives while your mother is alive, financially capable and willing to take care of you but she can't because of her new husband?


Pls a very truthful response will suffice.

You want to hear the truth.

The mother is at fault and should be scolded seriously. If she has planned all these earlier before getting into another marriage, she would have either maintained her lane, strive hard to give the kids the best and not re-marry or made sure she stayed her Ex.

Don't let the 12yr old boy becloud you or words of the woman. In every divorce or separation, the children are the victims. Couples should ensure they stay together or remain single especially when kids are involved.

In as much as I agree with lots of submissions, there is still need to ask the woman

Why did your own blood relatives refuse to accept the boy? Probably, due to their financial constraints or the attitude of the boy.

Why is it hard for the woman to find the boy's relative or even get the contact of the father?

Why is the woman forcing the man to accept the boy.? Is ir because she's footing 70% of the bills or because the man once agreed to accept and later rejected. If it was because of the former, the woman should be advised to thread carefully. You don't boast of wealth in front of a man. He would rather not yeild to your request than lay low. That's not ego, that's man for you.

To me, the man is not mad. She need to try as much as possible to exhaust all avenue that could make the man yield to her request. It could be through his parents, close friends and relatives. The woman is trying to make the man look as if he is the demon.

I understand the woman vividly. The only boy for now. She should not use that as a weapon, beclound her decision which might make her loose on both sides. At this stage, separation or divorce is not an option. All she needs is patience and time.

The table will definitely change, the man would bounce back. Do you know some men go broke when their wife is pregnant.? The table would definitely turn around for the man in due course so, the woman should drop her financial stand and use other means to seek the face her husband.

My own final take is, the woman should continue to plead with her husband. She should not use force. She should plead with one her siblings to take the child for a little time. She should send emissaries to her husband. She needs lots of patience.

I believe the man would definitely yield to her demand if it's handled with patience.

veykey:
I'll advise you to leave the man if he doesn't change his mind. Those are your kids and they need your love. Provided you're financially stable to take care of them, please do so they don't grow up hating you.

See where you got it wrong. Leave another man after 3kids and still expectant due to the fact that the husband is not ready to yeild to her demands? That's very wrong.

If she does that because she's financially stable. Will the stability be forever? Would you assist if she comes begging for assistance?

You don't solve a problem by creating another one. You are giving more problems to the woman and all the kids would continue to suffer. It is unfair to allow kids to suffer for what they know nothing about. Our society is filled with rogues, bastards, touts all because of these problem that could be resolved amicably.

Tell her to go and beg her husband, send emissaries to plead and give conditions. Let her accept the terms. The man is not mad. He knows why he's standing on his word. He can be armtwisted when things go haywire.

The woman has failed to accept she's at fault hence, her stance to forcefully bring the boy home. Arrant nonsense.

Purifiedsoul:
Be rest assured that bringing that child to your husband house will bring you no good.

Forcefully. That's insubordination and lack of respect for her husband. If he throws her out, she would blame him to be at fault.

Rather, she was meant to reach a compromise, ask for his advise and let's see how it works. Force does not do any good. She might oose on both sides as you rightly said.

Men detest Op's attitude.

While in school, 3rd class were gambling, hustling, messing around while 1st class were studying day and night. Upon graduation, 3rd class realized, Nigeria was all about hustling and gambling which paid off and 1st class kept reading and looking for white collar jobs.

All these happens in a shithole where SABI-ficate is important than CER-tificate.

I have answered your question to the best of my knowledge.

worworbabe:
From your experience, now that the Father is nowhere to be found, isn't it best that the child stays with his mother?

Sure, that's the best but now that the man is not accepting, should we blame him. Depends on your view but I can't due to lots of factors. The child is facing the consequence and should we allow him to suffer? NO. We need to find an accommodation for him. The mother therefore should be responsible since the father is no where to be found.

I already proffer the two solutions in my earlier post.

Plead with the woman with help of woman power, relatives, close allies, Pastor et al.

We both know the father can still be found if necessary contacts are made. If not, let the boy go back to his relatives at least till the new father will accept.

worworbabe:
So you mean that the family has more right to the Child than his own Mother?

The best person to care for a child is his own Mother. She is not dead, why would she move him to relatives who would end up maltreating him? How many people even want to take another person's child in at this time and age? If you are thinking about the wellbeing of this child, you won't have this thought.

See, I work in a social welfare department and this is not new to me. We try as much as possible to mediate and see if there would be reconciliation or M. O. U, if not, the court decision is the final.

The reason why we (friends, relatives, couples themselves) need to ensure couples stay together because in advent of any separation or divorce, the children will always bear the brunt.

At this stage, the boy can stay with either of the parents except the court says otherwise.

worworbabe:
Why will she hand her son over to anybody.

It appears like aliens and not humans are typing on this thread.

Anybody.. Check the meaning. The boy still has a father but the wife has lost contact. So, giving the boy to the father's siblings is termed anyone. What about if the father is late and the family decides to take the boy so as to see their late child's face.

Your use of words if really wrong.

donmusty:
Thanks alot really appreciate but pls can you still recall how many is the off campus rooms

Off campus means, you rent your own accommodation and have your life to yourself.

donmusty:
1. Pls how is the school like because I can see too many rules and is it both religion school
2. How good is there performers but educational and social

First, both religion are practised. It's a University and rules are imminent. However, if you get in, you would understand the terrain and work your way round. It's very free, you can even stay outside campus. No hassles.

Educationally, no one can give everything even your lecturers. Therefore, you have to understand what exactly is your primary assignment and be studious. Don't be too anxious, don't expect much either. Just study hard, make good grades and most especially try as much as possible to get a second degree upon completion. Reason being that, only few Universities including public Universities are ranked.

I graduated from their few years ago, just completed my Master's in UI.

Best of luck

donmusty:
Yes pls I need an info

Ask

What really transpired or is it an attempted assassination? Background information is key

donmusty:
please

Is there anyone for nairaland who is in this school Oduduwa university..... at osun state??

Any probs or you need any info? Don't PM. Respond here

Vyvyanvyvy:
He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

From this, it is understandable why your husband is not accepting the boy. He might have learnt some attitude which may affect your litltle daughter putting into consideration the present incest and all sorts all around.

However, I would advise two options.

Try and get the contact of your ex or any of their siblings to hand over the boy to them.

Use your woman power to plead and assure your husband to accept the boy. You can also use his friends, relatives and parents to drive home your plea.

How old is your son?

How old is your daughter?

How many kids do you have for your new husband?

Where is the father of the other kids?

Are you still in touch? If NO, what about his siblings? Are they much around?

Have you improved financially to accommodate your son?

xclusivedon:
Hello everyone. This is my first post and it is necessitated by the urgent need for a programmer that is well seasoned in the theoretical and practical aspect of information retrieval.

I need the programmer to collaborate with me on my Ph.D research work..

You can call or WhatsApp me on this number 08061614570..to discuss the research work, payment and associated terms and conditions.

When you say, programmer, do you mean an analyst?

Is your work science or art related?

DaddyRochie1642:
God Forbid that I have to wait for 30 Fvcking Years before I have a Child, ... I strongly Believe I won't wait that Long,

If you think about it Logically, ... If a man like for example decides to get married tomorrow, ... I'll tell the girl what I want, she'll have to get pregnant first before anything is done, ...we'll both udergo thorough medical Check-ups before we proceed.

It's a smart thing to do considering the society we live in.


FACT

Aburo Jesu

P. A Anobi

Secretary Sango

WehdoneMrSmart.

Trust me, though, good to be positive but don't be so assertive. You don't make children,it is a blessing from your creator.

Chizuru01:
I never said you should judge her by her past or not marry a truly repented runs girl. What am saying is that you should get her pregnant first b4 anything marriage would be said.

Some of them contracted strong disease that destroyed their ability to carry baby back then.

Some of them took harmful mixtures to eliminate an unwanted baby back then.

Why then will you stand in the line of fire on a war you never knew how it started.

African mentality. Give a girl belle before marriage, if she go born, she go born, if she no go born, you can't question your creator. Set your purpose for marriage and enjoy your life.

If you like, have a dozen children, they may all die before their parent. Adopt a child, he/she may never know and become the glory of the family.

Leave everything to your creator. Go and ask those who have lost kids during marriage or had miscarriage, you won't put too much pressure on yourself especially when it comes to having kids.

integritylady:
Those who really need this NPower program are not beneficiaries.
Many of them have never stepped their place of assignment while some are seriously working their asses out.

The defaulters should be removed and serious people should be permanently employed by the federal govt.

Don't be so engrossed with issues that relates yo Npower alone. Even FG says, they detected over 70K ghost workers. State government also have ghost workers. In a country where there is no data base, that will always be the aftermath.

Over aged workers are there, those who reduced their age are also there, those who have 4 to 5 different D. O. B are there. It is enormous and those who collect salary from all the tiers of government are there. Let me stop here.

The solution is very simple. Synchronize the NIN data base with the BVN and government payroll. Shikena.. But, those with age discrepancies will never allow such.

Everything in Nigeria is a SCAM.

Interested in thw hard disk.. 4K

Blackbuoy:
Hi and good evening good people of nairaland, I'm Samuel Tom, and I'm here for business, straight to the point!

I need a good and quality source that can get me the cheapest and quality food d stuffs, I have a business proposal, it's a long term deal, below are the foodstuffs I'll be needing
Yams
Plantain
Beans
Rice
Garri
Oil(red oil)
Onion

For the mean time can I get a honest and good supplier. Dm your number I'll contact you... Mainly WhatsApp please.
Thanks.

Your location

My brother, it's not the salary that would keep you,it's the grace of God. Ise ko lowo o,alubarika loju. Most of those sweepers have houses and stores. Do you think it's their salaries, not all. Just be modest. The first thing is how thing is how to save for the rainy day.

Even if your sister fails to open up, oneday and someday, the secret would be let out. To be frank, that would be worst time your entire life. Personally, I would advise you tell your husband. Some men are not that cruel like you think. If he acts, it's fine because you bleeped up. Just believe, things would settled amicably.

My question, where is the biological father of the little child?

Is he aware he has a daughter with you?

As he ever asked of her?

Do you still keep in touch.?

Please,delete or blank the name asap or is it sample? If NO, don't put yourself in unnecessary problem.

Girlwhocares:
Yes,I find difficult to open up to him,even when I'm in physical pains,i try as much as possible to keep it to myself..

My communication with him is very bad cos i feel irritated at any slightest thing.

That's sounds nice. You really know what you want and you are ready to make it work by all means. Communication in absentia via text, calls and chats will go a long way in solving lots of issues. You would open up, ask questions and as well proffer solutions. It's a good idea but...

Since you are married, it would be difficult to tell him you want separation, he would definitely think otherwise and heaven may let loose which I think you are also avoiding.

There would certainly be a way you can do it.

What about travelling to a cheaper country which can afford?

The means is what I can't phantom or do you have a way to do it?