₦airaland Forum

if M.D Abubakar is about to take over, I think Jonathan might just be jumping from frying pan into the fire:

Born in Gusau, Zamfara State in May 5th. 1958. Elisted in Nigeria Police in July 30th 1979. Promoted to the rank of AIG on 30th of November 2006. Due for retirement on 30th July 2014. He was indicted over Jos unrest in 2001 and recommended for outright DISMISSAL in 2002. Education qualification: Diploma in Public Admin/Criminal Justice. He became AIG Zone 12, Bauchi on 15 Nov 2011. Courtesy The Streetjournal Magazine.

The Justice Niki Tobi panel constituted in September 2001 by former Governor Joshua Dariye on the Jos crisis had recommended the retirement MD Abubakar from the Police force. He ws also with Biu in d airport bomb cover up during Abacha era. D blast that killed Dr Omoshola.He ws also with Biu in d airport bomb cover up during Abacha era. D blast that killed Dr Omoshola.


In a White Paper released in Jos, the panel suggested that AIG Abubakar should be dismissed if he refuses to retire.

The panel said: "Religious fanatics should not be posted to head state police commands. The commission recommends that for his ignoble role during the September 2001 crisis which resulted in the loss of lives, the former Commissioner of Police, Plateau State Command, Alhaji M.D. Abubakar, be advised to retire from the Nigeria Police Force and in the event of his refusal to do so, he should be dismissed from the service."

Abubakar from Zamfara State who was indicted twice between 2004 and 2006 by a Jos crises Panel, is alleged to have sponsored some Islamist Militant Group when he was Commissioner of Police in Bauchi and Plateau States.

http://hotgistshotnews..com/2012/01/resume-of-new-ig-md-abubakar.html

YES Jealousy is normal in any relationship

In fact, Jealousy is a basic necessary ingredient for a successful marriage.

Jealousy makes each spouse to be on his/her toes so that the other party wont look elsewhere.

Its jealousy that makes a lady always dress up for her man.

Unfortunately, Jealousy, if not handled with car can lead to something else.

Considering all the before pictures, just about two of all the above seem to be professionally employed.

All the kudos to Omotola, but wouldn't it have been better to really empower these kind of women(widows) so that they can stand and fend for themselves - post the makeover, coz after taking their baths the next morning, those women will be back to their old selfs o.

If a woman has money in her pocket, she will make herself beautiful, and thats when men will begin giving her a second look.


Considering all the after pictures:, people like
Roseline Idem, Stella Aigbohun, and Ijeoma Daniel

should still be able to re-marry, I mean, these ladies still have good looks as far as some male-widowers on NL are concerned.

Dear all, I finished my ND @ yaba college of Technology 2010, right now, i am almost done with my one year industrial training. I applied for driect entry to Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife to study computer engineering, Fortunatly, i was giving admissie on. I equally applied for HND @ yabatech to finish up my computer engineering career there, i was equally giving admission, Right now, i am so much confused on which one to take, looking at ASUU strike and how many years i am going to spend @ OAU IFE, if i am @ yabatech, i will just do more two year buy but OAU will take like four years all things being equall, Most importantly, My people are against oau ife cos of the years and financial aspect of it, I really do not know what to do now, I really need your candid advice, I am 23years of age. waiting anxiously for your comments.

chairman, dont make the mistake of throwing away an opportunity to study in OAU.

No matter how bad Nigerian University education is, OAU is still recognized as one of Nigeria's top Universities outside the shores of Naija. I mean to say, even if you carry-last in OAU, you are still better off (certificate wise) than an HND from TechYaba.

And then remember say B.Sc and HND no be dem say dem say the same level o. I know what human resources do, when company management say that all non-Bsc applicants should be filtered, nobody wants to look at your grades, its the degree first.

kadarva:
Next time she comes I will ask my manager for overtime so that she will be by herself from 9 till 5. My kids will start school in september anyway. The less time I spend with her the better. And I will do all my food shopping online. That will teach d woman a lesson!!!

In fact, that is a good starting point. If you spend too much time with her, it will end up in Wahala. If she doesnt see you at home often, she wont have time to think about what this or that.

And while you order food online for yourself, order her some Nigerian food online as well. When is she coming back?

before she does, go take a good dose of PATIENCE.

How many bombs have exploded in Nigeria from 2011 to date.

By now, the Colleges of Engineering in our Universities should be graduating students in Explosive Engineering courses.

@Kardava,

I would call your mother in law "momsi" for this discussion. Note: I'm not trying to judge you or your husband, my comments are based solely on my own experience.

Advise: If you want to stop freely flowing water from disturbing you, dont place a barricade around yourself, rather, go to the source, and make things right.

Your mother in-law is just being a Nigerian woman. She is an African. God cannot change that. Her behavior or attitude is not how all Nigerian mother-in-laws behave. Some do better and some even worse. We have all kinds of people in Nigeria. North, South, East and West. We behave differently. I see you in the middle.

From all you are going through: the truth is you have something to gain and nothing to loose and if you dont succeed in gaining it, you still have nothing to loose. My point is: live your own life, dont let her be a problem to you, take her attitude to you with just a single grain of salt.

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Pain reliever:
You are an entire non-Nigerian married to a Nigerian. Good for you. I heard of marriage tension issue between two families in Nigeria - what was the problem? The groom is from a family of 6, with 5-PhDs and the youngest sibling, a PhD candidate in the USA. The bride didnt even have a B.Sc, and therefore the mother of the groom disagreed with the union. This caused a serious problem and almost broke the whole family apart. One of her own children had to remind this momsi that when she married daddy, he had a PhD and she didnt. Unfortunately, momsi had forgotten her own past. poo happens.


In Nigeria, if someone behaves a certain way, the average Nigerian will not immediately judge. We look at that behavior from different perspectives to try and see what the source of the problem is, for then only can we find a lasting solution. Unfortunately this mentality is applied only, culturally, not to politics. I believe you have been hearing too much about Nigeria these days: words, like Bomb, explosion, boko haram, etc.

Back to the discussion:

If I were in your shoes, I would think over these things:

1) The wedding:
Question: when you and your husband weded, was momsi and other members of your husbands family invited(assuming you didnt wed in Nigeria)?

If YES, the wedding wasnt in Nigeria, count-1: perhaps the fact that the wedding didnt take place "at home" where momsi would have been so happy and proud among her own friends, siblings and relatives, where she could have shown her 32-teeth smiling into the camera's lens the height of all her expectations in life as a mother to her well beloved son; where she would have worn that shoe she had secretely reserved under her bed the day her son clocked 21 - just for his wedding day; etc., - might all account for her attitude towards you. Just imagine, you of all people, you deprived momsi of her life's expectation. Momsi has concluded: this woman that couldnt allow my son to come home and wed, must have something up her sleeves and it is my duty to find out.

If Yes, the wedding wasnt in Nigeria and she was invited and she came, question: how did she warm up to you then (years ago when you first met?). Was her attitude the same as it is now? If things werent really warm then, why do you expect things to be warm now? Note: there is a difference between a wedding and a Nigerian wedding.

Pain reliever:
I have a friend in London whose parents(unfortunately, both parents agreed) forced him to re-do a Church wedding. This re-doing of a Church wedding is 1.5years after an initial wedding in a UK Church, after which the couple became parents. Guess what was the reason for the parents(both) demand: these parents do not believe the Church where my pal and his beau weded initially was a serious Bible-believing Church. So, the 2nd wedding was courtesy(all financials by both parents) both parents, and conducted in the UK branch of the Church(headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria) where both parents are members/ministers. Are you smiling or wondering: what da fnck did you just read? Yes, shnt happen.

So My pal and his bride and their daughter just had to pipe low, sit through the event for the sake of what? FAMILY PEACE!

back to your story:
If No, the wedding wasnt in Nigeria and she didnt show up? that is an additional to the problem.

If YES she was invited but wasnt too warm to you, then its either your husband has some homework to do, to make his mom realize that he will not accept "momsi's attitude" in his own house and to his own wife. It also depends on the relationship between your husband and his mom. If they are very very very close, honestly there is nothing you can do about it. You can just try to play your role as wife.

so you see, eventhough you have a family now, someone somewhere somehow might still have some issues about the wedding.

2) Momsi definitely loves her son. Its nothing wrong for momsi to feel her sons wife has taken her son away from her / is about to take away her son from her the way things are going / is in the process of taking her son away from her if she(momsi) gets too friendly - at least to put you on your toes. When your kids are of age to get married / after they are married, you might end up "unconsiously" doing the same.

And please clear your mind of the idea that momsi is supposed to like you. It doesnt always work that way. Do you really expect a Nigerian Momsi who was seeing her own grandkids for the first time since the day she(momsi) got married(do the math - since 19??); who flew all the way from Nigeria to London to like you(our wife) at first sight? Cmon. Get real.

Nigerian mommies demand their sons and daughters in-law win their love and respect. Strangers are not automatically welcome. Its either you have changed to become like us before joining us; or you are doing the changing now, after you have joined us. But to think you can join us and remain who you are, forget it. But another saying goes: when in rome, behave like a Roman.

You arent really showing us that you are our son's wife? how? you are buying clothes for momsi as if she was begging you for clothes. What are you buying her anyway? gloves, t-shirt, turtle-neck blouses, Jeans, sleevless, armless, neckless nonsense, all those transparent materials? clothes that momsi cannot wear to the bathroom, talk less of wearing at home? Is that what you call clothes. You better come to Oshodi market in Lagos and let us explain the definition of clothes to you. Expecting her to do the dishes and take care of the kids?

And eventhough momsi's official house-wife job description in her own home back in Nigeria includes washing the dishes; washing her and her husbands clothes with her bare hands; carrying water on her head from the stream; doing some hard labor or the other;, she wont do it in her own sons house in London. She is a grandma and she cant bend lower than that.

Hope you get the drift. You must step up your game to win her attention.

Question: What is his(your husband's) position in the family? the only male child after / before after how many female children? Is his name something like Samuel? or Ade / Oluwa-something / Babatunde / Bolaji / Durotimi / Taye / Kehinde etc; (dont bother telling us his real name). Yoruba names kinda give away some history about the child, so when you see a mother over-clinging to her child, especially the male child, remember that plenty of water passes under the bridge each day, and you cant reverse nature.

My point is momsi might have gone through a lot in her own personal life, with her husband, all her relatives(both sides); and with you coming into the picture, as much as momsi cannot help her son falling in love with you, it makes things a little difficult. Thats why she doesnt blink when she looks at you - besides, she might have her own personal issues.

Or, Is he the first born or last born? the most successful child presently? where are his siblings? what are they doing(professionally), as compared both of you in London? Do the math. there is a connection somewhere, and once you find the connection, you would know best how to fit in.

The bible says(I am a Christian) that "where the treasure is, there the heart will be also"; plus "actions will speak louder than words". Momsi's treasure is in her son, and something somewhere isnt right. Thats why her attitude to you isnt very cordial.

3) Can I help you with some Nigerian culture? Please dont be offended about the following. It is titled: the culture of blame and the male child. Please note, I do not blame you, neither do I intend to make fun. I might be the first person you're hearing this from.

Its bad, sad to say, our culture unnecessarily blames the woman for everything wrong in the household. If the husband is sick, its the fault of the wife; and if the wife dares to fall sick, its still her fault. May God not allow anything to happen to the kids, we might have to walk that wife out of her own house.

I'm saying this because you mentioned you have an autistic son. While its no fault of yours / your husband that you have an autistic son, the truth is I am sure that momsi has laid that blame on you right at the back of her mind.

Nigerian lay mentality101:

We dont despise foreigners, we love all people, but we appreciate more, foreigners who try to be like us. Those who wear our clothes, those who live in our country, those who try to be as good and bad as we are, those who try to speak our language and especially those who marry our brothers and sisters.  When a foreigner marries our brothers and sisters, he becomes us, she becomes us. We then break all fences and pull down all barriers. We change our looking glasses and immediately begin to look at them as if they were originally one of us.

But if, but if these foreigners who marry our brothers and sisters let us down, if they dissapoint us in any way, we become sad, angry, mad, raging; questioning ourselves why we ever agreed to allow them to marry us. We will never lash out at them, we keep them at an arms length, looking at them from the corner of our left eye.

Momsi doesnt understand what autism is. She hasnt heard the word before. There are no autistic people in her village(so she thinks) and even if there are, such people are generally considered mad-people. Anybody that isnt completely black is abnormal. Even Albino's and dwarfs are generally still looked at from the corner of the left eye, and everyone has forgotten that what life hands out to us is not by choice. If we dont have the time and space for Albinos and dwarfs; can the blind, deaf and dumb, polio stricken, etc (diseases we are familiar with) people in our environment survive? We are so religious but we havent read our holy books up till the point of considering all men equal.

They are on the streets and highways begging for money. The sick do not know the what/why about their ailment; and the healed/whole have no idea or interest in knowing the ailement that afflicts one of their own. Two problems and nobody knows how to solve either. The relatives of the sick man and all the healthy people are in church on Sunday, calling upon God as if we arent all related.

Momsi, Why? shes used to stomach ache, head ache and Malaria. And anything outside these is usually from the devil, and the most probable agent of the devil is the female sex. Momsi received these lectures from her own momsi who did the same through her own momsi. The list is endless. The devil, the devil.

Momsi doesnt understand what autism is. Her own son went to the stream to fetch water. Her son has been in perfect condition from head to toe since the day he was born. Her son brought home a wife from the stream and that wife gave birth to a child, a son for that matter, the joy of every grandma. This grandson doesnt have malaria. His oyinbo mother says he's autistic.

Momsi prays: My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me. Auti-Autism. Momsi is very sad. How can God put me to shame in the presence of my enemies. This son is supposed to be the icing on my cake, the sugar in my tea. This is my son's son, everything I have worked for, hoped for / dreamed of.

The thoughts begin to gather in momsi's mind. She cant accept this. She cant reject it. She loves her son, but she doesnt approve of his son. How can her grandson have autism. Where did it come from? If her son had listened to her voice and not brought home that woman from the stream, this grandson of hers would never have been born. Wouldnt it be better if it was a girl, even if she is the only healthy grandchild momsi has?

Momsi is sad. Deep down she asks God why. And God isnt saying anything. Do you mean I left Nigeria to London to see my autistic grandson? God forbid. God forbid autism, I reject autism, that autistic boy is not my grandson. The most likely culprit is my sons wife.

Note: do you watch Nigerian movies (nollywood). If you do, the above would not be very surprising. Its the culture. And if you dont, go rent one, sit back relax and see where your momsi is coming from. Her attitude is not far fetched.

When a man and an woman get married in Africa, the woman is expected to be very fruitful. So sometimes, you see a woman with 5-boys and 1-girl very very proud and looking down on another woman that has 1-boy and 5-girls; as if the female sex is badluck.

Woman-C has only 1-child, a boy, healthy from head to toe. Woman-D has 2-sons but 1-has a health condition. Therefore, woman-C becomes proud, why? her family "is better off" because she doesnt have that ailment the other woman has. Rather than grandma-D being happy at having grandkids, she begins to do the mathematics of the most likely source of the ailments origin. And naturally, she would pick our her own son/daughter as an innocent party, while the other party is guilty.

Then just imagine, I, momsi went abroad to see my son. What will I tell them in the village about my son. Will i start explaining autism? God forbid. Then momsi remembers her own friends(of near age) whose sons and daughters are abroad just like you and your husband. They all bring home their oyinbo wives and daughters. There are all sort of colored grandchildren making noise everywhere: black, white, yellow and green.

The most recent visitor who came home is Bisi. His mother(mama-bisi) is momsi's neighbor and co-prayer warrior in Church. Momsi can recall when Bisi brought his Oyinbo wife home. Where is she from, it doesnt matter? why? she brought home 2-kids for mama-bisi. Mama-bisi was so happy she burst into tears, seeing her grandkids, all fine and lovely. She didnt know what to do, she started rolling on the floor out of overwhelming joy. Everybody was there, taking pictures. Food and drinks, surplus; pounded yam filled the ground, with egunsi soup. I have carried the grandkids of my friends. When will they carry my own grandkids and rejoice with me.

Father God, when will my own day come. If my son comes home, my friends will begin asking me what the definition of autism is. Ah, God, what have I done to offend you, why? God why?

Momsi's attitude is a result of the sadness she feels towards the condition of her grandson which she cannot help. Her heart is heavy, but she cannot talk. She cant share her burden with someone else. She has no idea what autism is. She cant help the situation. She cant even bring herself to imagine such happening to her own worst enemy, talk less of her own grandson, her own flesh and blood.

And while autism is not an extra-deadly disease, the truth is momsi doesnt know better. Her own reference point is her own healthy son who went to the stream to fetch water and came back with an oyinbo wife.

At the airport, she must have been thinking: what am I going to tell my friends, neighbors, church members: everybody that heard I travelled to London. What will I tell them about my visit.

Re- all of the above, momsi's attitude to you is very well informed - Nigerian wise.

4) Congratulations for learning to cook. If you are not down with the stew/soup, please forget the food, whatever it is. Your expertise as a cook is measured by the color of the oil at the top of the pot of stew.

The color of this oil itself must be tasty enough to want to make one dip his hands inside the pot of stew.

5) Even the way you are taking care of the kids show there is a problem. Momsi was just watching you throughout, you didnt notice. She was eyeing you, watching you, watching what kinda person you are.

Why are you behaving as if these kids are your greatest problem in the world. Do you know where I came from? Momsi gave birth to how many kids of her own? besides the number of children who grew up under her wings as a wife. The average wife in Nigeria has about 10-adults who call them mommy. Why? while they take care of their own biological children, they take care of others as well. Thats behinds working our feet off (we dont wear socks), going to the farm everyday(we are farmers) and struggling with bad political leadership.

So for you to be straining under the weight of 2-kids is an insult to momsi. And unfortunately, she doesnt know how to express herself to you, so why not just sit down and look - thats what happens when we are tired of a situation but we dont know what to do about it.

I hope you remember I said earlier, you need to step up your game. The money issue is not the problem, I think you can play the family game a little better.
[b]
Possible solutions:

1) dont expect anything from her. you need to reach out to her. Do you have her number? Give her a phone call to start with. The first time, tell her your husband told you to call and say hello. The second time, tell her you just want to say hello and see how shes faring. The third time, tell her one of your kids want to say hello.

2) Mix up with some Nigerian wives: Nigerian ladies married to Nigerian men, or foreign ladies married to Nigerian men. You would learn a thing or two.

3) Dont let momsi's attitude bother you. If you were in her exact shoes, you might not be different.

4) Go work on the pot of stew. A real African woman is known by her pot of stew. You can hold your husband and your home safely by the taste of your pot of Nigerian stew. Spaghetti and sauce will complicate issues. Besides, if a Nigerian ladies begins to buzz around your husband like a butterfly, if she is a better cook than you are, my sister - your husband is going home.

5) That your momsi is a yoruba is not the problem. She is an African first, then a Nigerian second. Whatever you are passing through is not new. Some people have gone through / are going through a lot worse.

6) regardless of all the above, your mother might just have an attitude. Perhaps shes in Nigeria now with a microphone, happy that she has an oyinbo daughter in law, and here you are on NL, almost crying foul. Dont worry yourself, start with step#1 above. Shit happens. As long as your own husband doesnt disapprove of you, you are safe and secure.

7) Go and grab a hold of Nigerian movies. By the time you watch 10-movies, you will learn something about your mother in-law; and you will know how to act when momsi around.

[/b]

@KADARVA

I have a reply for every line of your statements. I am answering it as if you are the wife of my own brother and my mom came to visit you and my brother. Go grab a cup of tea, coz this is cold.

Its not easy being the wife of a Nigerian man, especially when you are not Nigerian, but you have to be wise, and learn to be a Nigerian - technically. Not to forget that you need to step up on your yoruba-ness.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A NIGERIAN MAN FOR NEARLY 8 YEARS (I AM TURKISH BUT  BORN AND BRED IN BELGIUM) AND WE HAVE 2 LOVELY KIDS,   WE ARE QUITE HAPPY TOGETHER AND LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH
Congratulations. You are married to a Nigerian man and living in the UK; did we tell you to marry our son? it wasnt by force o. Who had the first crush? you or him. He told us he cound a baby girl and we said as long as she has 2-eyes, 2-legs, 2-hands and ears, go ahead. See, you can come and live with us in Nigeria when you're tired of the UK. We have a large compound, all our doors are always ajar. The only problem is we dont eat spaghetti here, so bring your food and call us when youre at the airport.

Love is blind o. Our son is black and Nigerian, no disrespect to the whites who are trying to be Nigerian. But you are our wife and even though you are white and turkish, but born and bred in Belgium, we think you are Nigerian like us - your family is the true face of the United nations. In Nigeria we are color blind. Love is love. As long as you love our son and our son loves you, tiwantiwa, please carry on.

HOWEVER I HAVE A COUPLE OF ISSUES WITH HIS FAMILY THAT LIVES IN NIGERIA, (WE LIVE IN THE UK)  THEY ASK FOR MONEY TOO MUCH,  THEY RELY ON MY HUSBAND TOO MUCH FOR MONEY AND I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE

Couple of Issues? you mean couple of children? You mentioned "grandchildren", so I think you have children already. Which other issues are you looking for. Do you want more kids. Ask your husband, not us. We have enough issues already.

Maybe your husband is the only child, maybe not. But hes living in the UK. Your husband is the most successful child in our family - maybe or maybe not, or perhaps thats the way we see it. Thats why the expectation is very high. And since you guys are a mini-United nations, and living in the UK, nobody really wants to know if your husband has worked his socks totally off and is now working barefooted - all we are interested in is the fact that: OUR SON IS IN LONDON, AND HE IS MARRIED TO A TURKISH BELGIAN, A VERY BEAUTIFUL LADY. Whatever both of you are doing to survive doesnt really matter, as far as they are concerned.

What do you mean by too much money? we spend Euros and Pounds too in Nigeria. Do you know how much his father and his mom worked their clothes off to put him through his education. Now hes successful, up there, making all the money in the world, and you are telling us too much money? In Nigeria, it is the duty of the son to take care of his parents. If you never knew that, now you know. In Nigeria, we dont have old peoples home o, take note, so he has to take care of his parents and the rest of us. We our going to eat our sons food and drink his water until we enter the grave; and when we are dead, make sure you come with him and bury us.


I ONLY WORK PARTTIME AND MY HUSBAND WORKS 6 DAYS A WEEK,  HE LITERIAL LY WORKS HIS SOCKS OF. WE HARDLY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER,  WE HAVE GOT BILLS TO PAY AND ARE JUST MANGAGING  OUR BILLS,   WE HARDLY GO ON HOLIDAY AND ITS JUST NOT FAIR,  ALL BECAUSE HE IS SUPPORTING GROWN UP PEOPLE

As long as you are working, thank God. Some people dont even have work. Socks off? at least he has socks that hes working with. Some other people dont have socks. Whatever both of you are doing to survive doesnt really matter, as far as they are concerned. Just keep on sending the money. Western Union, bank transfer. We are all one big family - remember.

Have we have never asked our son for money. We are not beggars and God wont make us one. Perhaps, some of the things we say make him remember that he was parents back home, thats why he sends us money. If you want to go on holiday, our house is open for you and your husband o.


HIS MUM WAS HERE A MONTH AGO AND IT WAS JUST A NIGHTMARE,   I TOOK HER SHOPPING SOMETIMES AND SHE WOULD JUST PUT EVERYTHING IN TROLLEY AND IT GOT TO A POINT THAT MY HUSBAND STOPPED ME FROM SHOPPING WITH HER,  I PAID FOR HER EYETEST AND GAVE HER A LOT OF CLOTHES AND MUCH MORE,  IT WAS HER FIRST TIME IN THE UK AND SHE HAD NEVER SEEN HER GRANKDKIDS

Big-mommy just came to the UK for the first time sometime ago and you are complaining. Lemme tell you the truth: She is coming back, and I(your husbands junior brother, am coming with her). Thank you for all you have done for mommy, but that is just the table of contents of the whole story. We havent even started the introduction yet. She is still coming back and next time she will be prepared to spread her wings wide and clear.

You paid for this, you paid for that. Is that an achievement? When she(your husbands mother) was breastfeeding your husband; when he(your husband) was urinating all over the house, who cleaned it; when he(your husband) was sick, who took him to the hospital? where were you at all those times, where were you?. When big mommy was sweating in the sun, taking him to school everyday, where were you.?

Dont forget o, when his siblings or cousins are of-age, let it be at the back of your mind that they are coming to stay with you(their Belgian aunty in London) so that they can play with their little cousins. Please note, we said "play", its only that these kinda-plays might require you to pay their school fees to study in the UK or even move over to greener pastures.

Yoruba - they dont eat alone o. Everybody eats together. What that means is your food belongs to them and theirs to you.

SHE WASN'T EVEN EN INTERESTED TO PLAY WITH THEM THE ONLY THING SHE WANTED TO DO IS SIT DOWN AND WATCH NOLLYWOOD OR GO SHOPPING AND SPEND OUR MONEY,  SHE WOULDN'T DO ANY HOUSEWORK OR COOKING EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK NIGERIAN FOOD,

So Big-mommy came all the way from Nigeria and you expect her to be playing with her grandkids? are you kidding me? Are you the first set of people to live in London? One out of every 3-Nigerians has relatives in London, do you know that. Some Nigerians even get angry and just go to London. Did you really expect your Nigerian mother inlaw to come all the way from Nigeria and be doing housework or cooking in London? Insult upon injury. Maybe thats why she refused to play with your kids.

I said earlier, when you marry a Nigerian(male/female), you marry the entire family. So you dont know how to cook Nigerian food? what have you been feeding your husband - spaghetti? Please dont kill our son o. Is big-mommy supposed to start teaching you to cook Nigerian food after she arrived? you are supposed to have done your homework, aunty.

Word of Advise: you better go and take a crash couse on how to cook Nigerian food. Yoruba abi: pounded yam, Eba, Fufu, Amala, egunsi, ewedu, Eforiro. etc Madam, you have a lot of work to do o. This one that you said you havent gone on holiday, you havent even started.

You better start looking for Nigerian ladies in the UK, make friends with them, tell them that you want to learn to cook Nigerian food, coz that your mother-in-law will not look at you twice if she sees her son eating bread and macaroni everyday when shes around.


AND WHEN WE DROPPED HER OFF AT THE AIRPORT SHE DID NOT EVEN SAY GOODBYE TO ME AND THE  KIDS,  SHE JUST WALKED OF WITH MY HUSBAND AND SAID BYE WITHOUTH LOOKING AT US

The following are the reasons why your Nigerian mother in-law didnt say goodbye to you. And next time when she comes, dont bother greet her welcome unless you have changed. How?

1) go and learn how to cook at least 1-Nigerian food. Better still, ask your husband what she likes to eat. Take time to learn how to prepare it. You mother-inlaw will not mind that it doesnt taste as good as the one she eats in Nigeria, all she wants to see is that you are learning / taking steps towards being as Nigerian-wife cultured as possible. Nigerian mother in-laws dont eat burgers for dinner o. That is a crime of the highest order.

2) Go to Nigerian bazaars. Go and buy some Nigerian clothes. Dont bother about the wrapper. Get a buba (looks like a t-shirt). The next time your mother inlaw is around, wear one of them and see her reaction.

3) I bet you dont even know how to greet her good morning in the Yoruba language. No wonder she didnt greet you. My dear sister, Yorubas dont talk to strangers. So go and buy a notebook and start learning; good morning, good afternoon, good night, welcome, bye bye, - in Yoruba. It will make a difference when next your mother in law arrives.

4) In Yoruba land, it is insultive to greet your mother inlaw  with a handshake. I bet thats what you did when you first met her. There is a way a younger woman must full-kneel or half-kneel when greeting an elderly person - in this case, your mother inlaw. Ask your husband about it, he will tell you how.

5) Are your kids of talking age? how did they greet grandma. Perhaps they tried to give their grandma a hi-5. That is very disrespectful, considering where your motherinlaw might have grown up in. You need to teach them some manners - Nigerian manners - which are only necessary when Nigerian relatives are around.

6) Please dont just cook and ask mama to come and eat. You need to ask her what she will eat and then you cook what she wants to eat. If you do your homework very well, you will be surprised at your success.

7) never expect her to finish dinner and start packing dishes. Its not her responsibility - Nigerian mother perspective. Do you know how far Nigeria and the UK is? besides, the whole village heard her when she said she was going to see HER SON IN THE UK? how do you expect her to come and be washing dishes. Lord God Almighty. Not that she doesnt know how to clean up and wash dishes, but she doesnt want to be told.

In Nigeria, when your mother in law finishes eating, you pack the dishes/plates. She might later join you in washing, but you need to make a first step at packing the empty plate off from in front of her. She would then smile and say YES, I GAT MYSELF A GOOD DAUGHTER INLAW. But if you finish eating and go and wash your own dish alone, you dont even pack your husband's dishes, you have unknowingly created an impression that you are rude, no wonder she wont talk to you. You should be happy she didnt lash out at you with words - she has either disliked you, is indifferent to you, or angry at her son for marrying you. Whichever be the case, you can still win her back.

Do you know what swagga means? You need some Nigerian wife Swagga. Start by mixing up with a few Nigerian ladies in the UK, learn the ropes and when you are confident, you can even call your mother inlaw and invite her for a visit.

Lastly, as the wife of a Nigerian man, you dont just go out and start buying things for your mother inlaw as if she was begging you to do so. there is no point in doing that, but also its usually appreciated if you ask her to give you something: for example, one of her Nigerian clothes. She will ask why. Tell her you want to be wearing it when shes gone. I bet she would 101% appreciate you more.


IS THIS NORMAL IN YORUBA CULTURE?
You need to learn it, read it, and try it out. Or perhaps still if you and your husband could holiday in Nigeria, you would see foreigners like you who are seriously flaunting the Nigerian wifey swagga in their words, appearance, gait and actions. I bet you would be jealous that you are surely missing something

@adaobi123
well im 18 years and i have been contemplating to study in nigeria instead of the uk. i have done two years of secondary school in nigeria (jss1-jss2) which i thought was an experience for me which i enjoyed to the max. i went to nigeria during the christmas holiday in 2011 and my family especially my cousins were urging me to study in nigeria in universities like UNN,UNIZIK or FUTO. i have seen all three of the universities and i enjoyed seeing them as i got a tour around them. i plan to study pharmacy. i know the process of getting into university in nigeria jamb, post ume etc. sooooooooo is it worth it?? or should i remain in the uk and do university there.

In fact, this is the first time I will hear of anyone touring Nigerian Universities in order to decide which to go to. I'm flattered. Your statement is like saying: assuming our Universities were Universities in the first place, and you are doing the touring in a dream.

If wishes were horses.

You are not a serious 18-year old o. I hope you kinow the difference between study and fashion parade. Are you sure you physically visited the institutions you mentioned: UNN, UNIZIK or FUTO? or perhaps your tour guides took you to a nigh party which they said is located inside one of your toured Universities? and you think that is what happens every night?

So you have the opportunity to study in the UK and you are busy touring Universities in Nigeria. It is better to go and tour the bar-beach in Lagos or a resort in Calabar, catch your fun real time, than to be touring Universities in Nigeria - and thinking you will get anything defined as an education there.

If 90% of the combined student population in those 3-Universities have an opportunity to check out of Nija tomorrow morning, they will leave.

If you really want to study in Africa, go to Ghana o. They have more of education than we do in Nigeria.


dear all, before your tempers run wild over the above, I am a very patriotic Nigerian citizens, but I like calling a spade a spade, not a spoon.

And when a disagreement happens between the ACN and this warlard, he and his boys will soon become terrorists again?

sheyguy:
Pls can anyone help me with a free(3 months atleast) and reliable host for joomla/drupal out there?

hi there, I can help u out with Joomla(web hosting, template customization), what exactly do you need.

@skydeep
Well, being a married woman is the best thing that can ever happen to woman but seriously I miss my spinsterhood Grin. I miss those times of giving tough times to desperate guys. I remember when I almost ran over a guy who said he must get me phone number by blocking my way Grin. Now those days are just stories Undecided . Now for some months a mouth will be on my bosom Grin.

[size=18pt]Regret get levels o.[/size]

THe Nigerian Police are the number-1 killers of the Nigerian people.\

How?

1) they aid armed robbers. If they dont carry out the armed robbery themselves, weapons are rented out in exchange for Naira notes. The agreement is that the guns should not be loaded / it must not be fired. (I have done solid research about this).
.
2) Boko Haram - BokoHaram includes all those religious leaders who preach false doctrines about whatever they think the Koran really said And if the Nigerian police are what they should be, Boko Haram will have been a thing of the past. Did you guys hear that the family of late Mohammed Yusuf was paid NGN10-million by the FGN as compensation?

3) Road accidents dont kill people. Careless driving does. A lot of drivers in Nija are careless, too much of rush rush is what kills people in Nigeria. There is no day on this earth that at least 1-bus will not have an accident on the Lagos ibadan expressway. And by the time you take a poll, its buses that try to make trips like Lagos to Ondo back to Lagos on the same day. They need to undergo phyciatric tests/training.

4) HIV/AIDS - go test University students. In Lagos for ex: UNILAG girls have gone astray. There is an upstairs 2-streets from mine. Its named UNILAG. I heard some ppl talking about the place and asked why the building is called UNILAG - they say its because UNILAG student/prostitute girls live there.

5) Armed Robbery

Goodluck Jonathan has run out of luck. Unfortunately, the "good" that remains has turned to bad.

Forever and ever, it will be recorded in history that Boko Haram became a household name in his time.

And please, can someone tell GEJ to stop wearing his dark, sad and gloomy looking kinda clothes.

So sad for Heids and Seal.

What will happen to the kids. I wonder how all these celebrity kids feel.

Anyway, it remains Will and Jada; Brad Pitt and Jolie

I hereby recommend George W. Bush, past president of the United States of America as the Inspector General of Police, international appointee for the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

This is because we have some weapons of mass destruction in the Northern part of Nigeria, which need to be found ASAP.

Phate07:
What would you do?

If you came home one day to see your darling wife(who's 2 month pregnant) being ra.ped by 2 men?

In such a situation, Chief, should your action if she were pregnant differ if she weren't or if she were your sister or even just your girlfriend?

Break a bottle on their heads.

sexkillz:
[color=#000030]Soon you'll also say it's the Igbos that made you write this dumb statement!

Sorry but how do you say "You are a fool" in your language? [/color]

[quote author=Mrs, Chima link=topic=851616.msg10017099#msg10017099 date=1327171152]My Igbo doesn't and isn't stup!d either.   [/quote]@Sexkillz and @Mrs Chima,

rather than reply with insultive language, you could have just replied by saying the statement is untrue, and perhaps explain your point of view.

Anyway, I heard and confirmed some stories about such things, thats why I made the statement.

It happened to someone very close to me. He got married. His wife(from Imo state) is the last born of her mom(she has 5-daughters, no sons), and she(momsi) said her husband divorced her after her 5th child. In fact, she said the siblings of her husband came to pack his load out of the house 2-days after the naming ceremony of the 5th girl; raining curses on her and her daughters. Within 3-months, he had married another lady. The man absconded all his duties till present day, she trained all her kids alone; worse, he did not appear to give any of them(his daughters) away on their wedding days.

It was the senior brother of the woman(momsi) who stood as father of all her daughters. Ofcouse, he(father) had signed some document for the wife to allow her own brother to stand in on his behalf. Note, he(father) is still alive and living in Imo state, all his daughters are married, but he doesnt know who their husbands are, neither has he set his eyes on a single grandchild he has.

My friend and his wife's first child is a boy, was born about a year ago. Momsi told the story on the naming ceremony of her baby grandson. Her testimony was that God has rewarded her for good because all the firstborns of her daughters are boys. She mentioned that her husband's action is a tradition in Igbo land" and that because she had all female children, she was not entitled to any thing the man has, dead or alive.

During the tete-a-tete, I asked her about the story, and asked if she was aware of the tradition before entering marriage. She said she was aware, but never in her wildest dreams thought she would have 5-daughters one after another. In fact, she said they(she and her husband) only planned for two kids, but that after the first two, thats when tension started over her not having a boy.

Sometime later, I confirmed the same from other Igbo sources, I live in Lagos, who said that unfortunately, the unfortunate tradition is still practiced in some parts of the Igboland, in an under-the-table fashion; and that the pressure usually comes from the man's family.

In fact, additional info I gathered was about the number of daughters: I was told, after the first 3-daughters, the man could choose to leave, but the wifes family can still come and beg and cajole. Wife could also make a promise to her husband. But that after the 5th one, he was not bound to stay with her anymore.

The above is the reason why I made my statement. Have you heard of such a practice in Igbo land before?

pendo89:
I only know obsessive compulsive disorder.perhaps you should hve added a D. TOCD.
But that cannot be it cz her disorder lol is one sided> she only answers not call all the time.
Those callers have TOCD.

thank you jare, she sure has TOCD.

abeg, leave the poster alone.

She attended a seminar where she was taught that a way to promote your personal blog is via forums.

So she is just practicing what she learnt.

whats wrong with a priest on a dating site?

perhaps hes having second thoughts about the priestly thingy. He has to have accurate information about the female species, their categories, colors, shapes and sizes, functions, likes and dislikes, potentials etc. He has to start the relationship with a lady before dropping his priesthood garments.

Perhaps, getting married is his next calling? Hes like someone looking for a new job-B while still employed on Job-A

Definitely he has to properly figure out plan-B before leaving plan-A.

And considering he might be past his age already, a dating site is the best alternative to a quiet search for a wife.

White007:
Hey Peeps,

My gf does this stuff that annoys me. We'll be in a restaurant having a conversation, her phone will make a noise and she'll whip it out to check it immediately, and if its a call, she'll answer it right there in the middle of a sentence. She will even wake me up in the morning talking on her phone because someone decided to call at the ungodly hour of 4am. She has this compulsive need to answer every call or text as soon as it comes in, regardless of the situation. It's annoying enough when it's just small talk, but if I'm trying to talk about something important and she interrupts me because her cousin is texting to ask if he can hang out, I get mad.

What should i do? I need a sincere advise on this.

your GF has a disorder.

Its called Telephone Obsessive Compulsive (TOC).

sh

@ONILA,

80% of black Europeans players are married or exclusively date white women .Most African palyers that marry African women also play for their country of origin like DROGBA n ETOO

Are you making the above statement out of fact or fiction.

Are the wives of African players(most) footballers as well.

I am really in a dilemma. I am a muslim and I have been dating a Christian girl for over 2 years.

To us, difference in religion is not an issue as my mum is a Christian and we have lived happily. But her parents are against it. We have also been told by four different clerics that we are not meant to be.

I am confused now and don't know what to do. I kindly request your opinions.

Thanks.

You are a Muslim, she is a Christian.

Which Christian told you that you-2 cant be together? christian clerics/muslim clerics.

Is she ready to marry you.?
Cleric or no Cleric, what do your parents say?
Cleric or no Cleric, what are her parents saying?

@heywhytech1

have you asked her what she is doing in Canada?

Yes? what did she say
No? call her and ask?

I assume she is staying with relatives, and perhaps, they might be trying to get her into a school / smething at least to allow her to stay longer.

Isnt it Igbos that do such things?

hapi4eva:
Can you allow your wife to keep friendship with her ex-boyfriend? How do you feel sincerely as a man each time your wife talk to her ex-boy friend on the phone, facebook or on BBM? Is it morally right for a married woman to keep such relationship? I believe in the saying that "WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO EAT DONT SMELL IT" Please let read your mind on this highly sensitive topic which is presently destroying many homes in secret,

how would you define FRIENDSHIP WITH AN EX-

which kin job better pass: casket maker or armed robber?

@POSTER

Leave the picture,

the two of them will settle it

@onila,

I think you should change the title of this your other thread to UGLY SHOCK: BEFORE I WAS PRETTY.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-848381.0.html

Perhaps thats why Nigerian men dont like you.

@POSTER,

If you have a strong feeling urging you to do it, pls go ahead.

Yes, the little kid needs help today, you dont know what God has in store for him and how he will be a blessing to you in the future.

For the people you are looking up to who might not sign on, pray and it and talk to them. You will be surprised, they will support you all the way.