₦airaland Forum

is it by force?! if you cant then just decline the offer and be merry

never, why bother with the stress.... if someone really wanna cheat they will regardless of the James Bond act.

bigneorapz:
That act she just did will take me time before i will confront anoda girl in this life again not to talk of pleasin them.. And if any fall na to draw oil finish make sure say i do am sometin wey she go dey cry anytime she remember am.. Shey una get sense? No worry. Will come back here and testify.. Watch dz space

bro, what you wrote above is wrong, just because you had this unfortunate event doesnt mean you should now turn into a different person. blame this particular gal for what happened and no one else. changing into a bitter man would only be your loss

it must be a joke as he probably knows that nobody ever landed on the moon

explain the situation to her then marry and stay with her out of pity for 2/3yrs, as a "thank you" gesture for saving your life, then divorce her and move on with your well deserved kidney.

send her a msg explaining exactly what happened the night before (maybe she doesnt remember due to the heavy drinking), and why you came late. if she doesnt understand then take this as a great lesson

dont call her back and patiently wait for her call. she seen the 21missed calls, and she knew you went all the way to her place for nothing... so she should call and explain herself.... maybe her grandma fell down the stairs just as she sent you that last msg and had to rush to the hospital,
leaving her phone behind (lol)

Stillfire:
No I would not cheat. I have the option of separation and divorce.

i wish more women thought like you did, instead of them thinking that cheating back would be a valid option.

These sanctions are just a rough schematic. I believe our abled lawyers and legislative arms will do more justice to these suggestions I have made if they are ever enforced.

fair enough

1) I knew you were going to come with the rich men angle. Fines however will be dependent on percentages like taxes. E.g 90% of the cheater's salary would be taken by the government for 6 months. It's not going to be a definite amount but as a proportion to ones income

90% of his salary?! kai, now you are punishing his family/business as well... you need to find a fine/punishment that will affect JUST the cheater and not his immediate entourage. corporal punishment like flogging (lol) would make more sense.

2) I don't believe so.

why would these men be responsible for their act, if they can now just pay a fine for fooling around?

3) Compensation is not bad. It's better than staying in a typical adulterous Nigerian marriage with no compensation.

is the fine in place to punish these men or compensate these women who "willingly" stay with these monsters? if it is really that bad for these women then what about compulsory divorce for any cheaters instead? so that these wifeys dont suffer any longer than they should

4 & 5) There is also the option of not getting married. You guys always talk about not wanting to get married. I think you should be grateful instead you have a reason not to get married. It will limit the mockery the institution has been reduced to. Marriage would then more likely be for serious people.

compulsory divorce, thats where the real solution is for people who got married for the wrong reasons.

Marriage should be seen as a contract. In fact the state needs to draw up a contract, laying out generic rules and regulations. Now each couple can now tweak those rules as they please depending on what they would like from the marriage, including clauses for sanctions and penalties. If any party goes against whatever they agreed to, they should be penalized.

such contract should have a clause stipulating that any party can update the contract with new terms, whenever they please... and if the other party doesnt agree to the new terms, then a compulsory divorce should be enforced

6) lol, include it to your marriage contract that she has no right to get fat.

now you are talking!!!! as well as husband cant get a potbelly, or that wifey should satisfy any dirty nasty sexual desire that her husband is into etc

7) absolutely. I have no issue in punishing the mistress/mister. For example North Carolina has a law where the spouse that was cheated on can sue the mister/mistress for alienation of affection.

now it could get a bit tricky if the cheating lady is married but unemployed, and her husband would have to "unwillingly" pay her fine

In summary, the marriage institution needs some regulation in Nigeria. As of now we are power is being given to divorce rather than the institution itself.

but imagine the state of marriage if/when everything is regulated and fined. you disrespect your spouse, FINE! you shout at your spouse, FINE! you talk too damn much, FINE! you came home late, FINE! you make her jealous by talking to ex, FINE! you cant fulfill your bedroom duties because of that "headache", FINE! the food you cook taste funny, FINE! it will be worst than the way people are suing left right and center for BS in the US. i think divorce aint so bad afterall.

fancyupage:
@MrBrownJ, you seems to think all employees are slaves because they have to follow the company's guidelines if they want to remain an employee.

YES the majority are.... they cant do whatever they please, they must do their duty regardless if they like it or not, they certainly CANNOT go against the authority of their bosses, and if they fail in their duties they are FIRED!

nasha1:
This is the silliest comment i have read on nl. If this is what happened 2 ur mum,then ur father needs 2 be shot.
A housewife has a choice 2 cook anytime she pleases nd any food she pleases.she can sleep the whole day nd cook when her husband return from work,she can clean at her own convenience,she can travel whenever she wants nd go to parties with her husband.she can go shopping with her husband money nd enjoy a massage when hubby is working.she can watch tv the whole day because the remaining food she cooked yesterday will still serve the family for 2 days.she can decide 2 do laundry on weekends only. I am with a housewife right now doing her nails and left her 1 years old with her hubby at home because they have a reception this afternoon.
jesus where are u from? wow
what is the definition of slave? Wait, what am i reading? why did u choose 2 sound this dumb all of a sudden?

again, these are the questions, a YES or NO will do
- does this woman, married the traditional way, has the choice to decide when she will cook and clean?! (meaning cook/clean somedays and not others)
- can this woman, married the traditional way, decide that she wont cook a certain week?
- can this woman go against the authority of her husband?

fancyupage:
A SLAVE has no choice. As long as you can choose from different options then it is called FREEDOM. A woman that chose to be a "traditional" wife is not a SLAVE. If a woman is forced to do it without her consent then that is SLAVERY.

- does this woman, married the traditional way, has the choice to decide when she will cook and clean?!
- can this woman, married the traditional way, decide that she wont cook a certain week?
- can this woman go against the authority of her husband?

whether she decides to enter such marriage on her own freewill or not is irrelevant to the fact that her status in that union is to be under that man's authority, and cook/clean as her daily duty, whether she consent to it or not. just because today many desperate women gladly accept the "slavery" due to social/religious/peer/family pressures of being married at all cost(and seemingly be happy), is irrelevant here... as soon as she enters such union, she becomes a SLAVE (willingly or unwillingly). i know many of you dont like the word but thats what a wife in a traditional wedding is. she is ruled by her husband, and whatever he says, goes.

nasha1:
smh a woman who decides to live the traditional way
decision: a choice that you make about something after thinking about several possibilities

is a slave because she will remain choiceless because she CHOSE it ? i am done with u. Please take care of ur mum,she needs it

bwaaaaah, here is another one who has English comprehension issues..... again, if a woman decides to live the traditional way then YES that person has no choice but to cook and clean as a slave (whether she likes it or not), because thats what the traditional way is about

nasha1:
lol so cleaning ur house,caring 4 ur kids nd a man u love while ur husband do the same with job nd all the financial responsabilities is a duty?i must say it must have been very hard 4 ur mum,poor her.Was she forced 2 care 4 u and ur siblings? i mean a woman taking care 4 her OWN kids is a duty? a woman cleaning where she lives is a duty? because the man goes out everyday,morning till night,who spend more time at home?smh
that means all the single mums are slaves,wonderful!

again, back in the days of our forefathers, mothers had NO choice and their JOB was to cook and clean and care for the household. today women are gainfully employed, and therefore they have a CHOICE... but if a woman today decides to live the TRADITIONAL way, then yes she will remain the "choiceless" slaves that our mothers were.... thus cooking and cleaning will be her enforced duties.

fancyupage:
Don't make this personal, my write was simply to clarify that in a 21st century Nigeria, men are not superior to women. They are equal partners in marriage. If the man deemed it fit to cheat and he was treated with kids gloves, the same treatment should be meted out to a woman who committed the same.

Also I needed to clarify options and choices to you, because in my opinion, you think if it is immoral then it is not a choice.

so just because men aint superior (and some may decides to do a WRONG act), that same act should now be included as an option for women in marriage!?!?! what a sad comment... yet you wanna turn around and expect to be happy in any r/ship?! how men are treated when they do such wrong act is irrelevant to how people should act. it makes no sense to think that cheating is wrong bla bla bla but then to advise people to cheat, as a VALID option for women in troubled marriage. yet when a woman slaps a man, and he returns the favors, you now cry foul. lol!

women and their double standards.

nasha1:
I wanted 2 post one nd if u know network,u will understand.Now u acting like a little girl,u didn't have 2 do what i did.
nope,u are emotional.was is a debate for their husbands 2 go hustling under the sun and rain,taking care of their kids and a wife?The man had a JOB too and i still maintain ur mother was the slave one,my mum enjoyed caring 4 her home and husband,she worked too and right now,she is enjoying her life because her 3 kids are grown nd dad still take care of her even tho she makes her money because he is used 2 it,she's still his responsibility.According 2 ur logic,any men who worked,put their lives in danger,having 2 wake up early nd come back late everyday was a slave because working wasn't even a debate.smh
Now tell us,how was it 4 her?

so "network" had you posting this msg on 2 different threads that AINT the thread where i wrote that above post?! ok....

again, if what your mother is doing isnt her choice but her DUTY, meaning that even if she decides one day that she doesnt want to do any of it, she still MUST, then yes, a slave she is... no matter how much she is comfortable doing her duty. same as any housegirl's duty.

ps dont confuse enforced duties with responsibility

go to the police, YES!!! and let them investigate, whoever has that phone today is handling stolen goods

very true, and it is what they DO when they attract that man that is the important part.

nasha1:
Was ur mother a slave?my mum wasn't and is not.so a woman taking care of her OWN home nd her OWN kids is a slave?smh with this kind of mentality.

i am just gonna copy and paste my reply since your are asking the same question all over my posts...

any women who lived the traditional way were slaves to their husbands, yes!!! doing ALL the chores wasnt even a debate, it was their JOBS, whether they liked it or not. husband's only job was to go to work and make money. if thats what your mother does tday then yes she is a slave indeed.

nasha1:
Was ur mother a slave?my mum wasn't and is not.so a woman taking care of her OWN home nd her OWN kids is a slave?smh with this kind of mentality.

any women who lived the traditional way were slaves to their husbands, yes!!! doing ALL the chores wasnt even a debate, it was their JOBS, whether they liked it or not. husband's only job was to go to work and make money. if thats what your mother does tday then yes she is a slave indeed.

fancyupage:
Yes, it is a choice to beat your wife, but it is a criminal offence to do so. It is a choice to cheat, to beat, to steal, to vote or not vote but some are criminal offences in law and some are not. To abuse your wife is a criminal offence enshrined in the Nigeria law, but cheating on your husband will end up in the family court as far as the secular constitution is concern.

shouldnt you think of what is RIGHT to do when bringing these options? whether against the law or not, some things are WRONG.
advising anyone that cheating, insulting, lying, being dishonest etc is ok, makes very little sense.

lezz:
I could deal with plain stupidity and ignorance alright.

What smothers and chokes me is "emboldened" ignorance and deceit; you have them in abundance!!!

dont worry my brotha, we all know that when people have nothing INTELLIGENT to say on a subject, they start insulting to derail threads.
sadly, not with me, lowering myself to your level and throwing childish insults, would be only beneficial to you.

jaksabbey:
Close to 7month and she come often, I take care of her expenses...

then here is what you do: next month only pay half of her "expenses", when she ask you why, tell her that you cant be cleaning clothes the way you do any longer as it is tiring and time consuming, and need to buy a washing machine (or pay for someone to do it), thus you dont have enough for her expenses.

lezz:
[s][/s]

[b]You just managed to appear stupider than you already are.

I give it to you; Your denseness and demency will defy medical and intellectual interpretation!!!

Hollow-headed sponger!!!

Admit it, you felt the feverish compulsion wuzz-bags often do whenever a female asks them a favour
Your needed to impress Bukky after she summoned you. her summons have displayed your ignorance and quasi-analphabetim in a celebratory fashion.

Your lack of intellectual endorsement and desperate need for female validation has rendered you an intellectual vegetable and a salivating woowoo.

Please, my dummy-dumb-dumb, the pic attached is the genesis of this debate. Pay attention to bukky's questions and how I answered it in relation to men and women.

So the issue from the get-go was about when people cheat, do they still wantsl to remain in the marriage. IT ISN'T ABOUT THE INTENTION, IT ISN'T ABOUT THE MORALITY, IT ISN'T ABOUT HOW "WEAK" THEY ARE.


Boneheaded, dyslexic, woozy doofus!!! The answer is men cheat but are likely to remain in marriage. yes. Over 70% of men cheat but we don't have that figure of divorce, do we?

You didn't read the posts or peruse the matter before charging like a sex-famished savage to answer Bukky's summon and type your idiocy away.

Olodo lecturer. Insecure toad!!!

I thought you had sever dementia, alas! I didn't know you have perceptual disturbances and word-blindness to go along!!!

Vain simpleton.

Evasive numbskull!!![/b]

i am sorry if what i wrote hurt you in such a way, lol, so much insults, just because i showed how you tried to weasel your way out of the comments you made. i must have hit the jugular vein bwaaaaaah!

bukatyne:
I don't think it is selfishness to stick to gender roles if both parties are fine with it. Besides, some women still stay at home to care for the home front while the man provides.

i meant people today are selfish and its all about me me me, they dnt even care about family/children so long as they have their own selfish desires. women gladly marry rich abusive men, men gladly marry deluded beautiful women.

His expectations were clearly different

only a man "obviously" high on some substance would expect this famous singer to quit her career to become a housewife, so that she could cook diner for her man every night, and play "happy family". its impossible!

A woman who wants to go the traditional route MUST consider finances important else how would they survive? She is bringing the domestics to the union

a woman who desire the traditional route must accept to become a husband's SLAVE... because thats what our mothers were.

Some people believe only the mother is suitable to care for a toddler; some kids have special needs and require their parents esp mother closeby

and you actually believe that a man cant care for his own son, just as good as a mother? i mean, come on, just because men dont like doing certain things, doesnt mean we cant. we simply hand that task to wifey, as she has the time to do such tasks... but does that mean that she should stay home even if there aint NOTHING to do? what will she do now that all kids go to preschool/school? become an expert on Telemundo abi?

so you want that babe who got dressed and try to look fancy, did her nails, make up and hair for hours to come visit you... and when she gets there, she should bend down and wash your clothes?! funny....

btw how long have you guys been dating? how often does she stay over the night at your place? how often you cater for her needs?

MarieSucre:
Look at your mouth like "living in the streets begging would be better". Its easy to stay from the comfort of your skyscraper and start offering unsolicited and unreasonable recommendations.

if you believe that STAYING in that house being abused, raped, disrespected, treated like a slave daily is an option then so be it. i would certainly prefer the uncertainty of the street compare to this evil nightmare for any of my sisters (if i had any).

sexylogan:
It may be because he finds u sexy and good in bed but u have other character traits that are deal breakers for him in terms of wifey material eg

1-flirt/promiscuous
2-lack of financial prudence
3-u don't contribute meaningfully to his life like helping him to save and invest, all u do is spend money
4-not neat, untidy
-5 dress irresponsibly outside
6-lack conversational skills
7-u lack foresight, drive, no ambition

8-can't cook for urself talkless of being able to prepare a decent meal for him and in his mind he will be thinking ,"Dear Lord, if i make a mistake and marry this girl, my future children will surely starve"

A man can have a gf who exhibits all of the above but will never want her as his wife.

as much as the above points are right for a gf vs wife, if she presents these traits then she is NO good as a babymama either. who is gonna cook meals for that child then? who is gonna raise that child properly? just because a woman is fuckable doesnt mean she has the abilities/requirements to be a babymama, some women out there are just good as fukcmate, and certainly not as mothers.

fancyupage:
hahaha, cheating is an option because it I available. You may not like it, our society may frown at it I may not like it but it remains an option.

i guess then beating your wife is also an option in your mind, when having disagreement with your spouse?!

fancyupage:
I agree with your option, it is one of the three options a woman has

one stay in the marriage and endure bitterness and abuses.

two find a boyfriend that may temporary help with your affectionate need

three divorce and seek a new relationship.

my write up was not saying that a woman should cheat because her man cheated, I was clear, it meant that a man should expect to be treated as he treated his wife and not to expect anything different. The choice is that of the woman.

how can cheating be an option? it should NEVER be as it is NOT right... and just because many deluded people indulge in that act, doesnt make it any more right. there are only 2 options: foolishly stay or divorce.

Stillfire:
Naa it does not mean that much to me. Just having a discussion on a theoretical basis.

so you mean you WOULDNT cheat if you had a mad man as a partner?

Now, my moralistic opinion is that cheaters in marriage should be fined and policed by the government and a considerable amount given to the partner that was cheated on. In the advent of lack of income to pay the government, the cheater goes to jail for a month or 2 or 3. It will not solve the cheating problem, but it would regulate it and help bring some sanity into the institution. The law is too focused on 'divorce'. Laws need to be introduced to protect and preserve the marriage institution and the partners involved in the institution. You will still have the right to leave the institution, but you will be fined for it. In Nigeria, where conclusions are analyzed and arrived at through religion, I don't see how most people would have a problem with this. This will enable only sincere people to get into that institution. The only exception would be if both parties prior to the marriage agree to have an open marriage. Also there will be the freedom of not getting married at all.

makes sense, but sadly:
1) such law would simply facilitate cheating for rich men, who would gladly pay the fines
2) such law would remove the responsibility of acting RIGHT in marriage, from spouse to government.... no bueno!
3) such law focusses solely on compensating the cheated and doesnt really help the institution of marriage
4) such law "punishes" men who want out of marriage,as if marriage was a life sentence
5) such law favors the desperate women who pretend to be who they are NOT until they get married, and reveal their true self after marriage, thus wanting to stay married AT ALL COST (even if/when they are in a miserable union)
6) such law favors the women who were sexy and attractive before marriage, and who turned into baby whales after a few babies, and forces their husbands to stay with them, even if they dont want to any longer.
7) the cheating partner, AND the person he cheated with, would need to be punished for this law to make some sense. any woman/man sleeping with a married person must pay half the fine imposed... so that people must think twice before being with anyone