₦airaland Forum

he even tells people its a man, kai!

nonsense! what does she wants exactly?! bitter lady because the man has moved on... go to court and let them deal with him accordingly, and stop washing your dirty linen in public

marvelck:
I really dont understand why most girls tend to get angry whenever a guy doesnt give them what they ask for (especially money)... Most times, when a girl ask a guy for financial help, and the guy is unable to help her, it usually makes the girl to be angry with the guy. To the extent of not talking to the guy anymore. There are girls who sees their friendship with a guy as a means of getting some favors from him. Even if the guy doesnt want anything from her. Naija girls are just too fake and dramatic. Same way some girls use guys to step up in life, only to start claiming they made it through hardwork. Imagine? Girls should stop judging guys based on the financial favors they render to them. Cos there are girls who only laugh with you when you are able to assist them financially. But anytime the guy is not able to do such, they get so pissed off. Imagine, even when the guy is not dating her. Naija girls are something else these days...

actually, the guys that ask such questions above is what amazes me.... shouldnt a man be RELIEVED when that broke ass babe dont talk to him any longer?! you got rid of her free of charge, count your blessings. each and everyone has the right to decide on what criteria they want to evaluate you as a man, and it is YOUR Godly duty to get rid of these no good parasites from your life, by any means necessary.

Eddyitaly77:
i have heard that blood flow is compulsory and my dick must have injury but none of them happened during the sex she only called me later on that she saw blood on her pant when she got home .... How true is this??

misconception #1 blood flow is not compulsory, the majority bleed, some dont (btw a gal on her periods could bleed during sex even though she aint a virgin)

misconception #2 your dikc shouldnt have any injury after sex, NONE!

Oliviaarims:
OK, now I'm getting really concerned. Why do a lot of guys find it very easy to just ask a girl to travel down to see them? It's weird. They may have just been talking casually for a couple of days or at best weeks and sb starts making a very funny demand. Like, why the heck should a girl actually travel to visit some random dude at her own peril?

And these dudes pop the question so easily like it's no big deal at all. A girl could be in Delta, for instance, and a guy with whom she has no real connection with will be asking her to come down to Abuja. Is it some sort of joke question or they really do believe that it will be done? If really the guy's interested in meeting up, he's supposed to know that he's in a better place to be the one making the effort and not the other way round.

Perhaps, some ppl do it . But there's always going to be exceptions to everything and I daresay it's a really minute percentage who does things like that, so why do they still ask?

the reason many men are doing it is because there are many women who will gladly go, viewing such proposal as a vacation... the important fact here is: did you tell him exactly why you turned down his offer?

btw if you think it is ok to have some dude (you barely know) travel from Abuja to come see you, then i see no difference between this and his request.

tpiar:
why does the person have to be an e goat simply because the family wants you to marry them?

what would you rather i call marrying this stranger?!

What if he or she is acceptable to you?

read again carefully what you just wrote above... the minute someone marries a person because they are "acceptable" then it is the minute i know for a damn fact that there is no LOVE in that union.

here is what "acceptable" means:
- your dream home is a mansion in Banana island, but a shack in Ajegunle will be "acceptable"
- your favourite meal is sushi with coconut soup but soaked garri will be "acceptable"
- your dream man is a tall fit dark and handsome guy but a bald toothless midget will be "acceptable"

besides, cant people marry e goats by themselves without outside interference?

they can, actually many do "because" of love.

but dont you think someone might prefer their own room without attaching any meaning to it?

whatever rocks each and everyone's boat... if thats what you desire then when you find such man, and he blesses you with whatever you desire in life, then marry that man. the important point here is SATISFACTION/FULFILMENT

fexyrich:
Ok thanks for the advice.Quite taughtful!!Me thinks a woman is supposed to be a role model to her children..

but she was for close to 15yrs?! how can you dismiss that so casually?

Even when the man is going astray which is more common the woman is usually there to pray for him and guide her children right..

its all about making sure that the kids are ok, whether with daddy or mummy... and in this instance, they were better off with daddy. i know gazillions of unfit mothers out there that are raising their kids even though they SHOULDNT. sometimes daddy is the best option.

But amazingly the mother fled when the kids needed her the most and funny enug the kids were not too little not to see all that was happening around them..The height of it is having a baby with another man outside her matrimony which was what made their father to have a rethink and marry another wife..

have an open mind and hear her side of the story before assuming that she "fled" or that she abandoned them willingly for greener pastures

Its a very complex situation my brother.To me I believe the forgiveness is inevitable but she would not enjoy as much as what a mother who stood by her children all tru would enjoy..There should be a consequence to every action..Cos that bond btwn mother and son which exists among many mothers and their male children would not just be there.

yes it is a complex situation with possible repercussions bigger than just these people here (think about what is best for the grandkids too). at this stage, this lady certainly doesnt want to be treated and cherished as a caring and loving mother (as if she never left), but she possibly only want to be part of their lives and share some kind of friendship 1st, and possibly a stronger bond later... depending on what happens. of course, she will never be able to erase what happened, and i doubt this is what she wants, but maybe to try to overlook it and enjoy the present in some ways.

as there are many different type of marriages, i certainly agree... there are:
- marriage of convenience (marry someone because he can help you achieve something you desire)
- marriage for money (marry someone simply because they are rich)
- marriage for status (marry someone powerful like judge/dpo/minister/thief in robe)
- marriage for peer pressure (marry some donkey because you want to be married at all cost like everyone around you)
- marriage for foolishness (marry because everyone will think you are happy)
- marriage for trophy (aka trophy wife/star actor or singer)
- marriage for family (marry the e-goat your family forced you to marry)

then there is the marriage for LOVE, because you simply want to spend the rest of your natural life waking up next to that person that you cherish with all your might, for no plausible reason; that person that puts a smile on your face just by being themselves; that person that makes you become the best HD version of yourself. BTW that marriage is the only one that can possibly last the test of time.

spyroet:
hello nairalanders, am a guy of 27 living in benin. there is one girl in my area she's fine n innocent lookin. she like me very much always smile and stire at me, greets me even though am nt lookin at her, but the truth is i dnt like her. for some time i havnt seen her and one particular night i had a dream which i met her we had sex, so real dat i thought it was real. after that day i was in love am crazy to meet her my mind is troubled i have been searching for her but havnt find her, all i want to know is dis real love or what.

are you saying that now that you fukced her in your dreams, you suddenly like her now?! there is nothing real about any of this, and it is an insult to call this anything remotely affectionate (love/like/friendship etc)... madness is what this is.

olyivy:
She might have actually been raped.

I have seen a lady I witnessed her raping by armed robbers from a hideout deny completely till date that she was raped.

of course she has been raped, cultist who drink victim's blood but yet wont smash gal on her period?! por favor!!!! but hey, let us all pretend (like the OP) that it didnt happen.

1) that girl is damaged, emotionally and physically damaged, so i will suggest you seek professional help in order to have a chance to sort this issue.

2) i will also suggest that she should face her fears and find a way to press charges (if possible) against these cultists, if not then it is just a matter of time before they finish what they have started.

3) relocate far far away from where this happened, so that she can possibly forget and move on

btw, if the below quote is true, then why did you guys not see for months?!

RHEMAA:
thank you. We both stay in Lagos. do you know any psychologist? help.

fem29:
Maybe I just understand better because I know what it is to bring kids up alone. My husband is hardly ever around and I know the difference between when he is here and when he is not. It's bloody hard. It doesn't sound like she was chased away, as they went to beg her severally. I just think she wanted to live a life without encumberances. I am not saying I am better than her, anyone can do a shitty thing but I would know that I have to live with the consequences of my actions, not that I will run off , then come and beg small and all is forgiven and forgotten.

He should probably listen to her explanation.

as a father, i also feel that it is not right to do so, but these kids need to A) remain open minded and hear her side of the story before they can judge her and B) take a decision not solely based on them, but also their whole family (aka grandkids etc)
most people here are selfish and only think about themselves, and not about their immediate family. sometimes life isnt just about you, and you have to be the bigger person.

btw here is a simple answer that mama could give: i was married off too young, i was immature in my head, i couldnt cope, i was losing it and because i didnt want to hurt you guys with my inabilities, i had to leave in order to find myself and become a better person.... then life happened!

@fexyrich
just because the father is "now" good, doesnt mean that their mother is automatically bad, have an open mind and listen to HER story, instead of being narrow minded about this issue.

fem29:
Hmm oP was 10 years old so I think he would have quite a good understanding of the whole scenario. Me I cannot think of any reason why you would stay away from your own children. Yes we all have our times we feel overwhelmed with bringing up our kids, but to abandon them totally?. From what he said, mum was richer than dad but she just left everything to do with them and ran off.

I'm not an advocate for staying in a marriage by fire by force, leave by all means but don't leave your children, have joint custody, kids need both mum and dad in their lives. For her to go off for about 15 years is absolutely disgusting. If it were me, I would find it hard to have anything to do with her as every time I see her I would remember what she did.

10years.... she has been there 10 LONG years in that child's life, is that nothing?! if she was really unfit then why didnt she leave on day 1 ? i will assume that she tried to be with that man, AND the best mother she could possibly be, for 15 long years (oldest child was 15 when she left), and then she couldnt take it any longer.

she did NOT abandon her kids if she eft them in the "good" care of their father. maybe she was driven away, maybe she was threaten, maybe she was "forced" to leave, maybe she was blackmailed to leave, maybe she "had" to leave for her safety and theirs, maybe it was a question of life and death. i am just assuming here, instead of automatically label this woman unfit, after hearing 1 side of the story

vick555:
Thanks...I share your veiw point too.

i wrote that because many times we have women who also abuse men to the point where they snap, they use stuff that will bruise these men's egos, the will insult their manhood, OR god forbid, they will start raising their hands on such man (thinking that a man shouldnt "defend" himself because they are women).

just because men don cry in the open like women, doesnt mean we are not equally hurt by their actions.

fem29:
Fair enough you are right people always deserve a second chance. But there are some things you do that there is no coming back from. OP said he remembers going with his father to beg her to come back but she refused. I can just imagine what that would have done to him.Why didn't she take her kids with her?. Fair enough, maybe the father used to beat her but I think OP would know about that.

there are many UNDERSTANDABLE reasons why a mother would move away and let her kid "safely" with the father, rather than bring them in some unfit environment. maybe she wasnt emotionally/physically or financially fit to care for them NOR stay with this man, who knows? as i said, we dont have the full picture to judge/blame this woman.
obviously, we dont have the full story, and therefore cant "assume" what happened... but they have to understand that this is the past and, this is now the present and they have the future ahead of them to have some possible life together.

OP hear her out, forgive her to avoid bitterness in your heart, but keep her at arms length

what would be the point of the above?! the only way that bitterness (or rather that void/pain) is going to fade is if they have a genuine interaction

@Vick555
it is wrong for ANYONE (man OR woman) to abuse or raise their hand on their partner, period! but i certainly "understand" why many do it.

you are too emotional about the issue, and i suspect you have never lived with a woman in the past. if you have never "contemplated" knocking someone upside their head, then you havent lived long enough with the opposite sex. we are two different beings, and as much as we may love one another, we dont think/function alike, therefore there is bound to be frictions. the catch is to understand that, even though it may feel better to do so, it aint worth it to abuse someone emotionally/physically, and you might as well walk away or ignore that person.

@sholexy1
as much as i can understand what you are going through, you have to be realistic about this issue:
- you wanna go to Kenya, and then what? whats the plan?
- as much as there may be a feeling of love here, how do you see a future here?
- have you spoken to this lady live via video chat/interaction (not whatsapp video etc)?

@pweezy
on the main page, if you click on a topic (politics/romance/sport etc), next to the page count, there will be a button that says MAIL THE MODS.
you can tell the mods what you desire and they will pass on the message, if it is worthy. et voila!

NakedEve:
Another Paedophile spotted.

no be just pedophile, na extra crispy pedophile!

BuddhaPalm:
MR Brown my man, "your mother is not your mother o".

The sentiment we attach to motherhood is mostly earned after birth. Anyone can incubate a baby.

Compared to what a true mother does, birthing is merely 1%.

If I were to be in their shoes, Titanic don sail tey tey.

bro, anyone can make a mistake, you MUST/SHOULD give your mother a chance, no matter how she acted in the past. i mean, the mother of this thread cared for her kids for at least 15yrs before something happened between this couple, are you saying that this is "nothing"? are you going to dismiss the 15yrs of great work she did because of that "error"? at least she must be heard and given a chance to tell HER side of the story, because what we have now is only daddy's version of what happened.

and YES, whatever she did/does, she will remain your biological mother

nothing wrong here, and these should be taken for what they are, a bit of fun

that gal is moaning of pleasure, nothing wrong here... but why are women here such hypocrites? BE HONEST with yourselves, dont you gals like it when your man spank your bootay while "d0ggystyling" you?

father kissing his daughter, and as much as this is wrong (because it passes a lot of bacteria that can hurt the child), we all want to kiss our kids the same way.

your mother is your mother, whether she ran away, left you or whatever, she still remains your mother. as they were too young to understand, there may have been many issues as to why she left, that they dont know about. at the end of the day, its their choices and if they want to be bitter, then they certainly can, but it sure wont help their family one bit.
everyone makes mistakes (if mistake there was), and everyone deserves a second chance, EVERYONE! as they say:"to err is human, to forgive is divine"

bxcode:
That's the problem in the world today, everyone and everybody has their own standard of what is right and wrong, and out cuts across all spheres of life even relationships. That's why some people will see something wrong in lesbianism, same sex marriage etc while others won't see anything wrong in it, the notion that what everyone is doing is right is a norm now. Bro, the fact is that there is only one right standard of living right for anyone who cares to know, and it gat nothing to do with that word religion because the word still originated from choices and ways man choose to worship his maker.
As you rightly said, it boils down to how one has chosen to live his or her life, but that won't change the gospel truth a bit, even if all the whole world chooses to go against it.

here is a simple clue:
- if YOU believe that there is something wrong with same sex marriage, then DONT marry someone same sex as you;
- if you believe there is something wrong with p0rn, then DONT watch p0rn;
- if you believe that premarital sex is wrong, then go marry a virgin
.... and let the people who see nothing wrong in these above acts (or any other), indulge in their own life... as i always say, so long as they dont enforce us to do what they view as "the norm" then let them live their lives, and let each of us enjoy ours. it is when someone comes and wants us ALL to live one specific way of life (when we have so many preaching charlatans in robes out there) that there is a problem. each of us have our own concept of righteousness, why do you want that to change?!

even the people reading the Bible are confused to the point where you have so many different standards as to its meaning, depending on who is reading it (jehova witness, catholic, protestant, mormons etc).... then you have muslims, jewish, buddhists etc, and yet here you are wanting for everyone to follow YOUR standards (aka what YOU believe is RIGHT for them), bwaaaaah.... highly laughable!

we are all adults and we should all use our brains and decide what we believe is best for us, because WE are the one who will live with the consequences of our actions.

bxcode:
There is nothing that is new under the face of this earth, sexual immorality and promiscuity has ever been since the creation of man, the thing is will you choose to tow the popular path that is obtainable today or choose to stay on the narrow, unpolpular path that requires a lot of denial and self control. Sex is simply overrated for me and it's not the answer to happiness nor love nor affection, especially when done outside the tenets of marriage. It only leads to downward spiral of wanton loneliness, misery, searching for that elusive satisfaction, approval and care that you will never find and ultimately heart break.

people should decide FOR THEMSELVES what is right for their lives, and live by their choices and its consequences. it is when some religious hypocrites try to dictate/enforce how we should all live our lives (as if we were all the same) that is the problem here.
if somebody want to remain a virgin until marriage, GREAT,and if they dont, GREAT AGAIN... to each their own!

artsdeighodalo:
[size=8pt][/size]
There are a few ladies that yawn for such adventures but are not confident enough to be open about it. But descretly, it sure happens everyday. Apparently I am patient.

here is what you have to understand, ANY lady in Nigeria (and i do mean ANY) can get laid whenever she desires... and sadly, since Nigerian men are desperate for toto, ladies have decided to use their cootie cat to either A) find a good husband or B) enrich themselves.... or both!

so, on a forum like NL, you will really have to offer much more than what the majority of desperate men in here are offering, if not, then you will simply be viewed as a "loser" like them guys, and quickly be dismissed..... or contacted by fraudsters and undercover ashewos (who will ask for gifts before they open their legs)

bro, you say you dont do "paid sex", yet here you are advertising for something that ONLY "paid sex" ladies would accept. lol!

NONSENSE post from gullible people who are quick to blame the devil/illuminati for all their problems

people have enjoyed SEX since biblical times, and it sure wont stop today. get over it!