₦airaland Forum

Carchoice:
Sad story.

God works in miraculous ways. I don’t know what to advise but that man can get back on his feet one day and start doing great things, then this woman will come crying for forgiveness.

Women with all the shakara. It is when your penls stop functioning you’ll[b] find out they always want sex and if they don’t get it, they might die[/b]

Shakara no go kill us....Women love sex but pretends when we dont need to....not only when it stop functioning, even when it's not nearby nd dey abroad...and Coro don colonise my sweet over there....Na long thing but it's a phase dt will pass...
At bolded, it's not our fault now, na hormones wey no free us....ovulations things and all.....

God will help this woman...I can't imagine d kind of dilemma she is in. I PRAY God bring someone Encouraging around her becos d kind of people around u during ur challenging times will determine ur decisions....those decisions will make life long impacts either positive and negative....

LadySarah:
Leaving because he's bedridden?Anything can happen to anyone at anytime.I'm not trying to judge you cos you've shown you are strong woman for 2 yrs already.
99% of Nigerian men will not remain. Even their wives that had CS feels useless to them ofoziekwa bedridden wife. It is then they will bundle you back to your ppl. https://www.nairaland.com/3256716/olachi-manndarin-emmanuel-dies-after

For a sexually active woman ,the lack of sex can be disturbing.

What I think you should do.
1.choose to be happy.
2.If his penis still works do the riding. If no. Have a talk with him if you can get a Love Machine or a man friend or he can explore you with his hands. Theres no shame in that. Righteous ppl should ignore my post.

3.pls don't stop believing in miracles.

THATS RIGHT.Anything can happen. Miracle happens everyday.....you never can tell when its gonna be ur turn..
I support the Dildoand hubby exploring with his hands ...You two talk about it , cry about it together and comfort each other its going to be fine...its a phase that will pass.... Try these options, he can even use d dild ... on u....sorry u in this condition.....

rollykotex:
Thank you my darling sis, its really been a while. Good to know youre doing great and Martin bobo is fine( hope i got his name). God bless you sis

YES MA. thanks. Doing Fantastic.

zaynie:
Good morning.
It's very normal.
Both my older kids did this.
Like went from talking so well to stuttering.
For my first child, I actually cried. I cried because 2 of his father's siblings stammer. I cried so much, I embarrassed both of them
The second child I was more prepared.
Just keep talking to him.
He might be imitating someone.
As long as he had a clear speech before, it will come back.
A boy in my class does similar thing. Every time we sit with his mom for PTC that's the only thing his mom complains about.
Keep talking to your boy often.
Help me to form his speech in his head before he says it out.
Tell him to repeat the sentences without the stutter.
Don't show him your fear or else he'll clam up and stop talking, which would be worse.
Don't laugh at him.

Good luck.
If you don't observe any changes then you may go to the hospital when this coronavirus issues dies down.

@Rollykotex...Long time Momma, Its good to hear you and baby are doing great. @ Zaynie Madam has said it all. Been very quiet on this peggy page.
Its just normal....At 2 ,My Boy started around Novemebr last ur b4 clocking 3......when he wants to say long sentence and when he is trying to remember what he wants to say.....I just tell him to calm down and say it gently...... he still does it once in a while.....Dont be too worried, As long as it's not everytime he talks dt he does it......Good to hear you doing great....

GREETINGS TO ALL MAMAS IN THE HOUSE......I AM USING THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WISH ALL PREGGY MOMS HEALTHY AND SAFE 9MONTHS JOURNEY. SAFE DELIVERY TO YOU ALL... I PRAY FOR GODS DIVINE PROVISON TO MEET THE NEEDS OF OUR CHILDRENS.

That's the amount on paper but am sure they are not paying them up to 30k daily....

jojoseph:
My brother sorry to about your troubles with American embassy and nothing your father could do about it? Nobody will advise you not to travel, I'm just trying to advise based on my experience and what i see everytime i visit U.S. There's nothing anybody can tell you about U.S. until you come to see it for yourself.
The only way i will advise anybody to travel abroad is if you're the poorest of the poor and you can't afford to feed yourself. Then you can travel, I'm saying this base on my experience and seeing some of my colleagues that are still over there.
We all can not run away from the country and also remember where you're running to, those people doesn't want you. They are only trying to accommodate us.

In all ur submission sir, you are right but due to the situation an average nigerian youth find themselves, we just wanna go out but I know it's not easy. We believe it's always better out there....We all cant leave the country
Many are outside and regretting it but they cant come back...I cant really go into the details but With my story and where I am coming from....God help us to accept where he wants us to be...

I do tell my parents that they should never expect the whites to see them as one of them...My mum had a court case once cos of some issues at her place of work....THANK god it all ended well nd she won
Had to leave uk after MBA due to change of rules for PSW visa....One of my sec school mate in d UK there once told my husband if truly my parents gave birth to me or my real parents because dey couldnt do everything possible to make sure I stayed back...
I know I could not stay back illegally ....



Most things u said are BITTER TRUTH...

HeavenlyCherub:
.

My dear, let me tell you something a lot of people won’t tell you. Marriage is a hard road, all the people who last in marriage sacrifice, forgive and practice patience. If you are strung up with something so small will you be able to work out other complications in future. The mistake a lot of people do is they marry for love. If you find love it’s a blessing but your number one priority in picking someone should always be compatibility and the other persons views on marriage. I can tell you today that feeling that you feel of love and excitement is because it’s all still new. When the excitement ends you want someone who sticks with you and stays not necessarily because of love but they stay because they honor the commitment you both made to love each other before God. I’m sure you also have traits that annoy her. No one is perfect. Sit down with her and communicate why this scares you. Nairaland advice is not always good advice. Good luck.

He has said it all and never succumb to having sex..just 3weeks away....stay true to ur decision and talk it out with her. But my brother , dt feeling of wanting something and it's right there in front of u and u cant have it is very painful.
Sit her down and talk to her . Instead of being moody, she should express herself, say how she feels rather than lock up...with a smile, tell her on this long journey we embarking on, we cant be doing this to ourselves ...our happiness and peace should be our priority . There are a lot of challenging moments ahead, if we attach too much to little things, how are we going to handle the bigger challenges ahead. With the sex thing, we are 3weeks away....I promise I will make it up to u..
You two just got to talk about it.
Sex or no sex thing b4 marriage...its a personal thing

cococandy:
And whoever told it to you wanted you on their side.

You may be right sha.....if I remember d situation dt warrant the person telling me dt.....

Mariangeles:
@Hunye, your rightful place is with your husband. Nobody can take it away unless you give it up.
Ask your husband for some time, then take all the time you need to open up your heart. It is the easiest of the options.
If he had betrayed you behind your back, it would have been different.
Believe me, life is either easy or hard, depending on how you see it.
There are times we need to make tough decisions that are favourable to us.

Also, one thing I observed from your words is that you do not even love the widower. I believe you still love your husband. Try to work things out.
Those kids are yours unless you reject them. There was an agreement, so don't let anybody make you believe they are not.

The truth about life is, not everybody will be rich, not everybody will get married, and not everybody will have children of their own.
All we can do is try our best to find solutions to what we call problems or learn to accept life as it is, live and be happy.

Thanks for this .....Life ain't easy.....No one has a perfect life but we got to accept what life throws at us and make the best out of our situation. Acceptability is very important to every aspect of our life.

Mariangeles:
Move on then.
It seems your mind is already made up on whom you want to be with.
Maybe the purpose of this thread was just to unburden your heart.
Just make up your mind and get it over with.
You and your husband would be fine in the end without each other.

To me, I'd say if only you'd open up your heart to accept those children, you'd realize there's nothing much to it.
In this life, once you've decided that something is not an issue, it is not an issue.
We have the power to decide how things turn out.
In Igbo land, some women who cannot have children choose and marry wives for their husbands so that they can have children for them. I have witnessed such a situation. Believe me, it is not that big of a deal.

These days, people invest too much emotions in relationship.
Never make important decisions based on emotions.

Thanks for this.

Emotions should not rule our decisions
If only people can try and think on a reality/ realistic level, rather than letting our emotion do the thinking..

Hunye:
Why Should I be the one to appologise to him? He also did me wrong, you are trying so much to exonerate him and I feel it's not proper.
Him and his mother wanted a baby at all cost without thinking about the emotional effect it will have on me. Although I understand because he is the only surviving male in that family. His grandfather was an only son, his father an only son, him an only son and all This people are late except him, at a point I was even thinking it's a family curse not until he had those twin baby boys. But I also believe he should have waited a bit, maybe we could have save up some money and do Ivf.

But this other man is head over hills in love with me and I love him too, he proposed we will do Ivf immediately after marriage, we are not married yet, but he's been making contacts with his doctor friends discussing my medical condition with them and seeking for possible solution to my happiness.

Why is it that nobody here want me to forgive and settle with this other man why?

Whatever people say here is just a piece of advice, its left to you to get them and see which ones u can go with or make use of.

At the end of everything, ur decision is ur choice and no one can force anything on u ma'am. Go with your heart, as the spirit leads. Only you know what you want to make you happy. I wish u all the best.
Please, carry God along in all ur steps....it works.....u need God's leading.

Ariza:
One thing is certain in all of this, Your husband loves and respect you so does your mother-inlaw . Look at it from this angle, First he asked for permission before going to meet another woman. How many Men do that? When Married men cheat with or without reasons, one in dire need of children still sought his wife's permission before getting intimate with another woman FOR CHILD.

Second : He made the whole process Transactional. He didn't lust after a young damsel virgin or a beautiful slay queen rather he made a deal with a SINGLE MOTHER in need of Money. There was nothing but business between the man and the said woman. How many men will pay off a woman that gave birth for them to stick with one who didn't?

Third: His Mother made all the arrangements, he didn't because he couldn't out of his Love for you. His Mother too could have frustrated you and with the help of family members pushed you to the wall till you leave the marriage but She rather sought out a plan and called you to come take the children. Believe me, it takes them nothing to have married the single mother traditionally for your husband and continue to pressure him till he throws you out or take you in. But they didn't, to her what she did was the best thing she could have done to help.

Finally: Even when he knows you are with someone else, he is still holding on, He is refusing to sign the divorce papers because he loves you . The truth is, What have you done for him to deserve such love?
Madam I think it's high time you step down from your high horse and be rational for once! Stop seeing the whole marriage like it revolves around you alone. Think of your HUSBAND too. That Man has done NOTHING wrong to you. You gave him the GO AHEAD! That means you consented to it and you are ready to bear whatever consequences, why back out now? Why did you decide to "push the man forward, then remove the choke? ". You betrayed your husband. That's the truth. Go back to him. Accept the children as yours, they were bought for you by your husband. They are your gift, accept them. Probably you will have yours too.

As for the New Man, lol that's your Nemesis waiting to happen. Trust me. I hope you are wise enough to avoid it.

Thanks for this piece.....God bless you always . MAY god continue to grant you wisdom from above. @Ariza
@Hunye....This is the best advice. Please follow . God will guide you and lift those burden from ur heart.

Hunye:
Honestly I shed so much tears while reading this. I don't even know what to do again.

Tell me, how do I love him back again , where do I start,cos at this point I don't have a single feeling for him. I have closed my heart of love against him.

Please, let the past beautiful memories you have shared help open your heart to love him again....all affectionate feelings, try nd direct it to him. God will help you ma

Ariza:
I'm sorry if it hurt you but it is the plain truth.

With Love comes acceptance. If you can accept that he did nothing wrong, that he loves you and still loves you only then will you be able to let go and forgive the "offences" you thought he committed. Then you can revive the memories you shared, yes those memories you buried while trying to move on. Wake them back. Miss him and then apologize to him.

Taking the children might seem difficult but that's because you see them as your husband's children not your, do away with that perception. See them as your gift. Your precious gift.

In all, Acceptance is the key. Let go off the rope, accept your husband and your gift and enjoy peace. I wish you success as you fight back for your HOME.

@Hunye....this is d best advice..I pray God help you. God bless Ariza for this beautiful response....
When I dont know how to start my response, I found someone who put it together so well....
In addition, dont know what ur religion is but tey and have a quiet time of prayer with God about it. Just ask god to direct you and teach you to forgive ur huband and love him again....It works just between u and God nd ur state of heart and brokenness. GOD will heal you and perfect all that concerns you. In all your years of toil, He is your gain madam and those beautiful kids, God will help you to love them. Marriage is about acceptance and tolerance. Please, let the beautiful memories u have shared be unblocked and help heal you.

cococandy:
It doesn’t work that way. My goodness

I was told d story but am sorry I ain't a good narrator...I understand there are a lot of processes they go thru when handling those things.

I take back my post....never knew it has turned to arguments like thjs..God help you both.

Nonsoboy4life:
Nice...I'm looking for a partner though

Dont worry.you will find the right person. Am saying a word of prayer for u ..God will fulfill ur heart desires.all d best bro....

Do you all know as we have women of various attitudes that you have all been calling names, so do we have some men too who are not responsible and it's the woman that takes up all the responsibility in the house. Just as there are men too taking up their responsibilities, some women too are....
I always say in this our present age, the faults falls on both sex....its just different strokes for different folks.....
People just need to be wise and learn from post like this . There is need for our orientation to change..... both parties should bring so.ething to the table....

The issue of men are deep
The issue of women are deeper
Joining them together in marriage, their issues become deepest of deepest
Marriage is deep just like life
Let's choose wisely nd if its beyond what u can endure ..for ur safety and peace of mind...get out please....

Nonsoboy4life:
Are you married dear?

Yes, I am .

datola:
This that every one is leaving for Canada. Who will now remain to fix Nigeria

Most of you people just like to reap from where you did not sow.

And you are not going to the Canada to solve any problem for humanity but just to get 'good employment' and now pray that Nigeria catches fire and averyone remaining there should go to hell.

For those of you badmouthing Nigeria. Remember 'ajo Ko le da bi ile' (Other people's country can never be.like your own country)

By God's grace Nigeria shall be great again in my life time.

That's the fact that we all dont want to accept, out of all those saying leave leave, some have never tried a little part of the application process to even know how feasible and easy/ hard it is ... That canada thing na luck and if u get family there or u going student route.

There is a truth that all of us can not leave Nigeria but in this guys case, he got 4 siblings there...certainly he has 80% chance of being successful at it and with the qualifications dt could boost his points.......As long as that is where God and his destiny wants him to be..its going to be a smooth journey. I wish the OP the best. Dont resign as someone suggested.

As a Nigerian youth, there was a time I was hopeful for Nigeria but all hope is lost...all my efforts to try d canada thing na ish...been in d pool now with our low scores, tried a provincial application. With the rate of high scores in d pool now, no chance.
Even have an uncle there that my mum contacted, d part where when u have a relative, hes been there for 10 to 12yrs.. he said he never have status to help....he can't help.....Life...
I will try and make the best for myself for now. God has got my Future....its all gonna end well....

Canada it is.....

KingSatan:
and that is why true feminism failed woefully here.

In the Diaspora, most men who want peace of mind avoid African women because of their "Entitlement Mentality" and how exploitative they are.

Many of these women don't work but enjoy proceeds of child support from numerous partners. You think it's a coincidence? No it not. It was deliberate.

Thanks so much sir for this piece.
You have said it all...
In d diaspora nd entitlement thing..its so sad many people carry dt mentality abroad..and dts y some marriage do not last these days
My siblings are there nd my two immediate brothers never dated nigerian ...even now in serious relationship they dating white......I tell them all dt matters is them having peace of mind nd being happy together. Am glad dy are doing great.

People do know how to claim all claimable in UK....I remebe when I went for Masters, there was this woman in my church. The husband worked in London and comes home every weekend...the woman was claiming single mothers allowance....... once I was chanced to be in d midst of some women and they were explaining to themselves how they can get entitlements for free claims......and when their fight starts... envy...jealousy, competition....its another world entirely.

NaBanga:
So she shouted and instead of shouting back or walking away, you hit her. Nigerian men are very weak vessels. If you don't have the money just say it's not available. If she insists, tell her to make her own. If she continues, ask her to leave. Hitting another human being when your life isn't in danger, is just animal behavior.

This is how they turn the remaining good men to another thing. Women got to thread carefully in marriage. Greediness ain't a good thing. Am amazed at how some are faulting the husband...@Ademidedavid What you wont tolerate at the long run, dont start taking it now. She is exhibiting some characters which you need to be cautious of....@emmaodet and @exc2000 have said my mind.

I do tell my husband anytime we are talking nd he says some women did some crazy things, I would say dy need just one resetting slap. Just as people will be saying men got problems.....av come to realize some women own sef na craze level....if u cant sit down nd reason on ur own, u get people to reason wt u nd u no get am too....people dealing wt u need to wise up.
Just as some women dont have appreciative husbands, we have men too who despite everything, they will still tell you u have done nothing. When we are not in peoples shoes, we dont seem to understand how hurtful berating words could be to an hardworking man.
I only read 2 pages nd I dont like some peoples response....
Op please pick the wise pieces of advice on this ur thread...

I just look forward to the time and day Teaching profession will be taken to the next level and People that are gonna fight for the right of teachers . I understand the private schools is on another level of slavery....private schools dt are doing well are just 30percent....I mean paying well.
Professionalism and increase in their salaries...a minimum wage to both private and public school teachers..
It's always painful ...I pray you all will survive and it's all going to be fine....

Dosoq:
Very productive.
4th child in 6years of marriage.




Weldone girl.

Hmnnn!!!!Life

Been thinking that all those people that said he is dead, mostly their news outlet there, all are in trouble...
Kadiju, ka sebi eni'ku.......
[color=#770077][/color]
I just knew He might not be dead and a lot of people in trouble with him....power and politics

CollinsWeGlobe:
Please, don't make that mistake if you are in abroad, stay on your lane. No say I no tell you

Truth nd fact.... stay ur lane even if u see fellow nigerians or black..slow down nd study them well. The kind competition dem dey do amongst themselves....

took me time while studying in uk to know those inner shops hanging meat sell cheaper compared to store-bought...
Enjoy urself....I go still find my way out again from this Nigeria...after this covid thing, there should be open doors of opportunities...

Wishing u all d best nd Gods protection

G

Everyone entitled to his or her opinion. By their opinions, we shall know them.

Ba

Weldone guys. I really commend your efforts.
Never mind all those jargon some are saying...we cannt do without those kind of people in our society...

I just fear for the future of Nigeria.....Samples of future generations....its scary when I see some comments of my fellow youths. God will help us