₦airaland Forum

There is a difference in customer service in Naija and abroad, but most of them are almost basically the same. In yankee, a waitress is forced to smile at you in order to maintain a positive image of the company, so therefore, their services can be termed "fake". In naija, there is a more personal felicity involved sometimes. You are asked, "How now, how your wife, with a smile, and when they do so, it is done genuinenly. At the same time, when you encounter a rude attendant, they are more direct to you, because they are simply ignorant about the nature of business generally.

Who tell una say English na our mother's tongue?

Not only is it abnormal, but it is not Biblical either. The woman ought to remember that the Man is the head of the household

The extended family has still survived in Nigeria and some parts of Africa  despite economic hardship, imposition of western values in our nation among other things. Unlike the nuclear family which is part of the western culture, the extended family involves all your cousins, inlaws, grandparents and other relatives, related to you by blood line. Blood is thicker than water in Africa, and the unexpected visits from distant family members (you know the one whose cousin was married to your grandfather's younger brother) is received royally by your parents. Family dinner of kids and parents? Forget it. You mum may be making a pot of soup, that she will gladly share with a visitor that just arrived from another city. But you wont starve. The benefits of having some of these family members are numerous to mention. Household duties, normally reserved for you and your siblings (assuming your parents servants had left abruptly) will be a tremendous blessing to you. Now will be the time to carve out time to play with your mates and then again, their presence will free you of any punishments that was supposed to be meted out to you by your parents. Your parents sullied mood that their child had broken the expensive china plate or flower vase is usually softened by the arrival of the visitors who will intercede on your behalf. I remember the visits to my cousins where I just wished that my parents would disappear temporarily so that we could play forever, the visits by my maternal aunts (oh, what a treat it was) and sometimes me, the mischevious person would attempt to hide their shoes, so that none of them would leave.

But as we all know, these visits could be a drain on the family's resources. There is the school fees to be paid for your uncle's daughters, there is that monthly allowance that your parents have to remit to their own parents to live off. Two sacks of rice, promptly delivered by your father's drivers would be routed to your grandparents house to take care of them. Ok, as a kid, I detested rice, likewise my siblings, so that was not a problem. But these diversion, multitasking, carving out room to take care of other family members sometimes leaves little time for parents to watch over their kids. And I am amazed that our generation turned out well (ok, when I mean my generation, I am referring to the 20-30 crowd). Except for some intractable kids prone to anti social activities on campus (does cults ring a bell?), stealing, prostitution and other vices. I am also amazed that divorces in Africa is not as high as that of the western world, considering our busy lives, which could lead to temptations.

So for the west, the family unit comprises of a man, his wife and 2, maybe three kids. No stress over money, no stress over inlaws. People call in advance and one is not obligated to render help to the community or their extended family member. And for kids over 18 years old, your parents can legally kick you out of the house.

Now which would you prefer? My choice still lies in the African extended family unit. You really can't beat that.

Contentment is the key. Having faith in God is the answer. I do not aspire to be wealthy, just to live a very comfortable life.

I dont stress about money now, because the Blessings from God has overshadowed my problems.


Dont lose hope!!!

So, while "Nigeria gets high ranking among emerging markets", at the same time, it is "Among world's failed countries", ranking "22nd out of 60.

What a bundle of contradiction

Life may be better abroad, but remember that we pay taxes to support the governmental programs. Not that I am complaining, infact, I am grateful that my taxes are used for a worthwhile purpose. Back in Naija, I doubt if the same situation would have arisen. yeah, community colleges may be affordable, and we have an abundant sunshine, but the cost of living here is definitely high. Factor in the more than 3k monthly mortgage and you will get my drift. However, you are guaranteed a paycheck every week or two weeks, no matter what, and your paycheck can afford your basic needs.

But for those who think that yankee is blissful, dont forget that they are homeless people in the society. Some people become homeless not because of choice, but for a variety of factors like divorce, or even the loss of a job. After 6 months of unemployment benefits, you are done for, unless you qualify for extenision. By then, you need a job. The landlord wont accept your excuse of not having rent, 'because you lost your job'. All what they would do is to call the cops and evict you out of your place.

So, my Nigerian brothers and sisters, if you are living a comfortable life in Nigeria, please dont throw that away in the name of coming to Yankee. You may regret it. As a matter of fact, I think some Nigerians have wisened up lately and realized that living abroad sometimes can be more challenging than living back home.

She was just a selfless woman, devoted to her husband, inlaws and her children. I miss her wit and wisdom. I really admire her abiility to get along with people, even the most difficult ones.

Colonialism has always had a bad reputation,with dissidents complaining that it disrupted the peaceful existence of the African society. Others have gone so far to claim that the troubles of Africa is directly related to Colonialism. Chinua Achebe, Mongo Beti and a host of other authors have written blatantly against colonialism. The only exception was Camara Laye, whose favorable setting of Africa was savagely attacked by Mongo Beti. He queried if Laye was not aware of the negative consequences of Colonialism in his native Guinea.  Even Chinua Achebe's novel, Things Fall Apart, I think was written to counter the racist claims of Conrads novel, Heart of Darkness

But seriously, I may be in the minority who would wholeheartedly agree that Colonialism was more of a blessing to Africans than a curse. Some of us know the story of the slave trade in Nigeria, and while the white man has been blamed for introducing human cargo in the continent, don't forget that it was more or less (in some cases) a trade by barter. They supplied the white men with our people in exchange for a bottle of gin. Then, read Things Fall Apart again. The savage killing of Ikemefuna in compliance of the orders of the oracle, Okonkwo drinking palm wine from the head of a human being and his act of spousal beating, rather reinforces, instead of countering the negative perceptions of Africa. The greatest blessing ever is the introduction of Christianity into the African continent. And I know that it is a blessing, because the idols that our forefathers worshipped were non living things. We now worship a Living God and our future in the afterlife is guaranteed to be in His Presence, due to the Love of Jesus Christ.

But the pre-colonial period had its bright side. The breakdown of the family unit was an anathema, peace reigned in the society and people were just content to live a simple, happy life. But when the laws of the society mandated the reqirements needed for a revered title in the land(just like your shareholders would exert pressure on you to act, before becoming the CEO of an organization), some natives of the village resorted to practising some inhuman practises. Today, our family unit is not as stable as it was once before. Avarice has overtaken our simple natures. Now, kickbacks, fraud and dishonesty are reverred institutions in our society.

Still, colonialism had merits in our society, even though the likes of Nkrumah who associated colonialism with evil, along with his compatriots, still visible in the present day generation would probably rebuke me for my stance.

What is your opinion?

I was a daddy's boy as a kid

A mommy's boy when I became a grown up man.

Jesus Christ is my Role Model. His Love for me and mankind surpasses all the knowledge in this world. That He would choose to die for my sins, so that I would have an eternal life in His Heavenly Kingdom is the Greatest Gift that He has bestowed on me, as well as He has done for the human race.

Praise Jesus Christ in the Highest!!!, Amen.

Run away from this guy, and please, at 15, you should be facing your studies, instead of getting involved in love affairs.

For some of us residing abroad, what do you think?

Welfare, Section 8, food stamps are social programs in the USA designed to help the less privileged. Most times, people have complained that these programs, rather than aiding the poor has actually tied them to a system, confining them to a cycle of perpetual poverty, instead of uplifting them from these precarious situation. There have been examples to cite the shortcomings of these programs, a reader had written a letter to the editors of a popular black magazine, castigating the politicians for not caring about the welfare of blacks, but creating welfare to prolong their sufferings. During Clinton's era, he embarked on abolishing welfare, introduced job training to the underprivileged with the impression the underprivileged in the society would actually benefit from it. But the USA, despite its eminent status as the wealthiest nation in the world (and the greatest debtor in the world, ironically), is a land of contrast. California, famous for its gold rush and staking a claim as the birth place of computers differs from places like Wyoming and Missisipi where poverty has made a deep impact in the society. So, when some guy published a book, (I glanced through the book though) and he wrote that welfare should not have been abolished with stories of more than several women to prove that, though they benefitted from these programms, eventually, they lost their job and went back to square one. I was at a loss. I do believe that welfare, and other social programs have benefitted some people, yeah, there are people who choose to be stuck in the system, but others may disagree with me. My dear mother on a trip to the USA in the 90's was oing some grocery shopping and she told me that a lady had presented some foodstamps to the cashier and her act was met with scorn from this cashier. Those people are labelled as bums, unfortunately, but sometimes people do not know the circumstances that compels one to subsist on these social programs.

Section 8, unfortunately, has a bad rap too. Street violence is quite common here, and some smart folks, in dire situations have choosen to enrol in school, graduated from school and made a complete transition to a better life in the society. So, I was having this discussion with a friend about another unemployment benefits. My friend told me that even if was as rich as Oprah, and he got laid off, he will be at the unemployment office the following day to get his benefits. Though he said it in jest, I know that if I lost my job today, my broker wont be able to convince me that I have enough money to last for my lifetime, cos I dont. Similarly, another caucasian guy who had lost his job refused to file for unemployment benefits, because he thought it was not necessary. I attributed it to pride, and hmm, in this expensive area, after one year, omo, you gotta do what you have to do. No pride in my game!!!

Of course there are dead bodies lying on the streets of Lagos state.

To look at the whole picture, life is better abroad than Nigeria. I lived in Nigeria for decades, and though it was an idyllic childhood, nevertheless, I faced some challenges too. The educational system is in shambles and it took me more than four years to graduate from college. Over here in yankee where I am a graduate student, I had no idea of some of the basic classes that I was enrolled in, so it was a double effort to make sure that I was well acquainted with the course work. Where in Naija do you buy textbooks when you rely on handouts from lecturers? I work here, pay my fees as well as my living expenses. I am not complaining. I can afford some luxuries here, whereas back home, it was my parents who provided for me. So, I would choose Yankee's education over Nigeria. I graduated in the communications field, yet, I wasnt taught on how to write a press release!!!

Now, on the social scene, you cant compare Nigeria to America. America, despite the plethora of entertainments vis a vis theme parks, televisions, shows, movie theatres, concers, life can be boring, especially on weekends. There is a wall of silence that exists between neighbours here. It is better out here in California, where some people are as sunny as the weather, but in the east coast, people there can be cold. I stepped into an elevator in my aunt's building and proceeded to say Hello to this black woman and she thought I was strange or something. I couldnt even summon the courage to tell my aunt of that incident. And you hear of loneliness in America, exacerbated by the growing alienation between parents and kids, due to family feuds, finances, work schedule. Seniors live by themselves, unless for those who can afford a live in servant. So, loneliness is a drawback for me. I went shopping and saw an elderly man crossing the road. He told me his age (have forgotten, either seventies or eighties) and then lamented his woes to me. Lost his wife, and then his adult son, some years ago. He lives alone and does shopping by himself. And he was hit by a car when he was coming back from shopping. Tell me, in Nigeria, which elderly person has ever gone to the market to shop? There are servants or relatives to assist in such duties.

So, there is no society that is perfect. Regarding education and job stability, electricity, and all the basic comforts, America is it, but pschologically and socially, I wont trade Nigeria's scene for the American scene.

Now, tell me, why is it that when there is a Nigerian party, our people flock to that party?

@prince_onx, what's "19 gwridim topic"?19

No, I am not a Ghanaian, but a Nigerian residing abroad

You can do some research about Nkrumah on the internet. Fortunately, my community library's patnership with other libraries in California has made it possible to borrow some books on topics that would not have been found in the local library.

Even decades past his death, the name, Kwame Nkrumah is still making waves in the political arena in Africa. Mention his name in a political conversation and you are bound to hear accolades heaped on him. So popular is the name that according to his uncle, some unscrupulous folks in Ghana are trying to profit from the name. But while he was alive, he was portrayed as a dictator, a money-grubber whose ambition of uniting Africa was motivated by selfish desires.

Yeah, despite all these accolades and aspersions, one has to wonder though, "Would Africa have been in a better position if Nkrumah had suceeded in uniting all the countries"? At first, I admired his basic ideology of uniting Africa to free the continent from the shackles of colonialism. But after much investigation, my respect for him has dwindled. The man was a tyrant in the first place, declaring himself the life president of Ghana, prior to his overthrow. He was alleged to have killed rivals of his, and remember that his dear friend was none other person than Sekou Toure (remember his infamous role in jailing Camara Laye's wife which led to their divorce seven years later.). He acquired all sorts of title, like the Osagyefo and several books have surfaced that there was a movement that sort of proclaimed him to be the sav,  of Ghana. Actually, there is a term that was used, but wont spell it because it is blasphemous to say the least. During his life in exile, he was so consumed in returning back to his country as a leader, that he was seperated from his wife and children during that time. When he was toppled in 1966, while on a foreign mission, his wife and kids were evacuated to Egypt and he flew back to conakry. His wife and children would not see him again till his death in 1972. Their conversation was limited to letters and perhaps phone calls. So, after reading about the storied leader of Ghana and his quest, his ambitions, I think they were motivated by selfish ones. As our people say, show me your friend and I will tell you who you are. His friendship with Sekou Toure was remarkably a peaceful one. His hospitable host, Toure even appointed him as the co-president of Guinea, but I think it was just a ceremonial title.

What do you all think? Today, Nkrumah's status as Africa's leading statesman is unchallenged, even by Mandela, as I read in one African Publication. A true Pan-African by heart, he remains a force to be reckoned with in African politics. His wife, the Egyptian lady even has a name printed on one of the attires in Ghana.

@my2cents.

Yeah, I am from Akwa Ibom. Ake Ka Nwed ke Aunty Margaret? My cousins also went there too. Along Marian Road. Me, na old boy of Unical Staff School.

Later.

Whether she is pregnant again or not, how does that affect the price of garri at Urua Watt market?

my2cents, abadie?

Epidural, as heard minimizes labor pains. But lately, I have been wondering if it has to do with postpartum depression common among western women. Any thought about this?

Brainwashed or not, look at the scenario. This lady was incarcerated for seven years and then came out of jail and divorced her husband for marrying a second wife. I doubt if Marie had other options. Remember that they were immigrants in Senegal, so it was not as if there was an opportunity for job advancement for her. And then, I would think that seven years in jail would have discombobulated her, being that she was confined in the infamous boiro camp. Anyway, it is still a sad love story.

I am pleased to read about this development in Cross River State. Duke deserves the kudos for his vision in transforming the state into an international destination. And with its deep rooted history in the state, Cross River State will emerge as one of the shining beacon in the country. I am so glad that I grew up in Calabar. Very fond memories that I have of that area.

Those from CRS/Akwa Ibom state, please identify yourselves.

http://nigerianmemories..com/

Eniola, you are liberty to limit your children's association with their cousins, for fear of them emulating their uncivilized behaviour. Heck, who are your inlaws to complain? Who will be the ultimate loser if something goes wrong with your kids at the end of the day? Tell them that you don't condone the behavior of your kids talking back at you, and while not pointing fingers at their kids, you can tell them that you have grounded them for discipline.

Talk about today's kids in America. Some of them are very insulting and vulgar. I blame the society for the most part. Disciplining your child is now a taboo that may land you in jail.

So, if your baby had a cold, would you not suck it out of his/her nostril? What kind of parent are you?@Oke?

Maids and male servants in Nigeria, the dregs of the society, abandoned by their helpless parents because of poverty, they are sometimes exploited by their employers in favor of cheap labor. They have no official watchgroup that tries to still the abuse they suffer in the respective households. Early to rise, and the last person to retire to bed, they are the dregs of the society. Abandoned by humanity, but upheld by the Grace of God, a maid/servant from Nigeria is a survivor.

During the children's holiday (May 27th), I will pester my parents to allow me to go to the stadium. Reluctantly, pops will cede to my request, drop a couple of change into an excited kid, and off I will dash to Staff school to join my mates to the stadium. While we enjoyed the icecream offered to us by hawkers, some of them, younger than I am, the thought of child abuse never dawned on me. I was having fun. But the beauty of America has opened my eyes to the ugly subject of child abuse. While laws have been enacted in the society to stem the tide of child labor, Nigeria and other third world countries are still lagging behind.

And these children suffer. Broken promises of an unfulfilled education made by the 'benefactors' of these kids, abuse, both verbal and physical. And I can recall talking to my younger sister a while back. She lives with my aunt and she informed me that Aunty just got a new maid. She was a student at some school in my state but that abruptly came to an end when her father, supposedly the bread winner passed away. And as she told me of this heart breaking news, I reflected on my sister's lot who would have been in a similar situation but for dollars interspersed with love. I reflected on life's vicissitudes and how it can derail one's future. A death in the family could uproot a scholar from the four corners of an educational institution to the harsh streets in town selling Akara and Ogi. Such tragedy may necessitate the employment of the victims as a servant in another household. The abuse those servants endure, both physical, verbal, mental and sexual. You hear sordid tales of broken promises for an education, tales of starvation and a rise in inferiority complex.

But the bad ones can also invoke some calamity into an otherwise stable household. The sultry ones can boast of the number of men who had crossed their legs. The devilish ones would plot to usurp the madam of the house. All what it takes is a clandestine trip to a herbalists house and the end result is depositing some philtres secretly into a pot of soup and Madam is out of the house. Accusations and counter accusations have been labelled at both sides and with proofs to support their evil acts.

So, what do you think? Should there be a law forbidding the employment of servants in Nigeria under a certain age? I think so too. Agreed that poverty is no respecter of persons and that death is inevitable, but that should not be a compelling reason for any parent to send their eight year old daughter to work as a maid in another person's household.

@Owo, I agree with you. I find it very disturbing that any religion would advocate spiritual rituals in the middle of the night at the stream/river. Such rituals are associated with fetishishm. I am completely against it, likewise the burning of candles, incense and all that.

We dont need to practise this stuff, Jesus Christ himself is the Only Way to God. By calling His Holy and Precious Name with a sincere heart, God will hearken to our prayers (as long as it is not selfish)

And some white garment churches, I know for a fact do practise animal sacrifices.

How much are they paying?

Nna, if na one million naira a month, I may wave goodbye to California