₦airaland Forum

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

luminouz:
Nor does it guarantee ya happiness in marriage.

willingheart:
I'm truly in love with this guy. We are happy together, We understand each other perfectly. With him I'm � myself, No pretence. Same with him. He's everything I want in a man, but the problem is that: he doesn't have money. He keeps trying, but things are not working. no job and he's from a family where everyone are on their own facing their challenges, no support.


He's 35yrs this yr and I'm 30 already. He wants to get married, but he can't afford it.

Lately, I buy almost everything for him, to support him.

Age is not on my side, yet the only man I love and that loves me can't afford to marry me. If we're married, it will be easy for me to share everything with him without my family members putting eyes.

My Aunt called me stu.pid that i should accept a financially stable man instead of being with a man who can not afford to take care of me.
I have little money I saved to support my wedding as well, but he have nothing.

Married people in the house please help.
I want to have direction plan for my life coming year.

Marrying the one you love or the one that's financially stable. What's your advice and opinion?

Dalil8:
If it's true, RIP to the poor girl.

Kiki Mordi and her feminist coven needs to be investigated.

blessmoss:
Criminal

Leshurr:
We write threads and blogs about how men are this and that.. how "we are the prize" and are doing men a favour - yet, a few months into the average Nigerian relationship, women are already pressurizing their boyfriends to meet the family and propose to them.

We claim we are 'scared' of marriage and yet we join groups like Sisterhood Africa-Global on Facebook where thousands of women can be seen praying and fasting for a husband and posting thier wedding testimonies.

We tell each other that marriage is not an achievement yet the married ones shame others for not having a spouse.

We claim our traditional duties of cooking and cleaning is a shared responsibility but refuse to share the 'traditional' duty of financial responsibility with our husbands.

We insult men under the guise of feminism but cry blue water when they start to injest 'redpills' and decide to go thier own way.

happy200:
I'm a very quiet person, and i always approach everyone gently.

I think one of my neighbor's wife has mistaken this approach for romance hence she has taken everything to another length.

Please how do i stop her from frequent knocking at my door, from begging for petty things, from always telling me that her husband is not around e.t.c.

Even if she has not pronounced to me what she wants, but i'm now so uncomfortable with all these but i don't know how to stop her.

festacman:
If rich people could hire other people to die for them, poor people would be making a wonderful living.

R.I.P Big Harry! You did your best and lived your dreams.

SweetHearted:
What?

SweetHearted:
I am from a family whose first born is a female. She is followed by 3 other females. I am the 5th child and the last born is also male.

When we were younger,my sisters use to beat us because they were older and stronger than us. The eldest sister will beat the 2nd child to the last child.The same with the 2nd child. She beat the 3rd to the last child.

So I was brought up under authoritative females.

This has affected me because I find it hard to accept a gentle lady.

I only feel attracted to authoritative and violent ladies.

I find such ladies so attractive that I have never and can never date a girl unless she is authoritative, stronger and more assertive than me.

I always want to be close to women that behave like my sisters when we were younger. My sisters loved me but they showed the love through inflicting of pains.

So I tend to associate a woman's violent behavior to love. I seem to have compassion on women who behave violently and authoritatively.

I only find it easy to be working under a woman. I can't lead but I want to be led by woman. I can only work in a place if the head is a woman.

The last place I worked as a teacher, the head of our department was a woman. She complained that I was so obedient and submissive to her that I never even try to challenge her in any of her decisions unlike other teachers. She doesn't like such men, according to her.

Please I want to know if there is any man that is like me out there.

If so, what do you make of it.

SatisfyOG:
This is becoming irritating, for crying out loud.

When I go visiting a family or old neighbours. They'll be asking questions like:

Why are you not married yet?

You are getting old oo!

Time is going, do fast!

And many other words like these...

I mean, will they be there to feed my family when I'm into the marriage? I don't know why Africa is so obsessed with marriage of a thing.

For crying out loud, I'll be just 29.

The numbers of married men disturbing me for financial assistance daily ehn. That's a turn off to get married soon.

Your opinion please.

Ishilove:
My sister, that is the most common na. I asked a Nairalander what his username Omiobo meant and he told me"monkey water". Obowunmi says his name means "I feel like owning a monkey."

nwaimoroseyaho:
When a married ex doesn't respond to your messages but constantly views your social media pages.

It is confusing at times. We didn't break up but got separated cos he traveled abroad and we lost contact.

When he came back I was married but we couldn't see each other, he travelled back and marries a South African lady.

But the few communications we had before he started ignoring me was as if he was angry, every conversation must be diverted to marriage, something like this, : am I the father of your children, you dey vex for me I give you belle? You didn't leave a marker when you had the chance. Etc.

I told him that am sensing he is angry with me but he said not at all. Am married too. He is my first love from secondary school.

We are from the same village. Is this the attitude of a friend?

tot:
Who made the stupid statement? It's you isn't it.
Some of you have no sense, talking carelessly all over the place because you think it's just words.

tot:
Meanwhile, you don't know what is waiting for you in your own future. I smh. Continue making careless statements.

situationreport:
Please is there anyone else experiencing what I'm passing through now, because it's making me sad and depressed I can't believe my dad still whips me at my age.. I don't want to confront him because, he's still my father even though I feel gutted for his actions

Yesterday I went to watch liverpool vs Arsenal match in a viewing center, and came back late at night by 9:55 pm, As soon as I came in, he was still awake in the parlor, what he did next was to use the cain he hid to start whipping me...i think is because I'm still living with him, at my age with no meaningful contribution right now, that's why

I have no where to go to, It seems I'm now a burden to them in our house...because I 'm currently jobless now and unemployed for six months now, due to this pandemic... I was initially working in the hospitality industry as a waiter, but was laid off at the beginning of the covid-19 pandemic, ever since then things have gone from bad to worse for me..... I'm broke to hell at the moment

I'm seriously depressed, I just wish I could relocate far away and look for something else to do, and fix my life back, but no where to go, I don't have anyone to help... � May God forgive me if I can't bear this anymore....

dosage150:
Is it really necessary to thank your boss after paying (salary) you for job you did?