@poster,
if you are my sister, I will seriously compel you to take a break from that man. That to me is the first logical step. You cant solve any problem in a tensed environment.

You need to reevaluate yourself and he need it too.

Just two weeks ago, I told a friend to pack up similar affair, and she did! She is not married to the guy though. It is much easier for the singles than the married. I just pray he wont bring you a deadly virus as a gift for your endurance.

@poster,
I know I was a bit harsh. I am sorry about that. But the substance in my post stands. Answer those questions and I bet you will see what I wanted you to see.

Is there anyone who is truly happy without having lost something in the past?

Your last post show the real problem. You are insecured, mentally and a bit apprehensive of facing the future. You keep taking to steps backward into your past while taking a step into the future. That is why your world is filled with sorrow of the past as against anticipating the joy of the future; fear and disappointment of the past as against boldly working for the future. You still live with the nightmare of your ex and expect the past to repeat itself instead of working toward bloating the inglorious past forever and turning your adversity to blessing.

There lies your main problem! The question is; what are you going to do about it?

If you want a better time, you must first cease living in the past. Having a daughter very early in life to a man you probably dont know well enough who turned out to be a disappointment is not the best pivot to hinge your future endeavor. Every man is difference. You must be open to change.

Your first decision is to stop comparing every man to your ex. Then stop evaluating your future guy by using your ex shadow as the measuring tape! As long as you continue to do this, you are inviting confusion.

Dont think I am being harsh on you, I have seen worse problems and have seen how people tackle it. I know that most people are just selfish to admit they are the one who need to change. If your understand this, return to my first post and treat the sensible questions in it.

you are a bit funny. Anyway, I have a policy of not debating with one eyed religious and ethnic bigots. This wont be an exception!

If the message I was sending across is not clear to you, so be it!

See you on another thread. But remember: you cant effect any meaningful change on nairaland. Get a podium, preach your cause on tv, newspapers, and get your people behind you. Stop wasting your talent debating alone, be the change you want the world to be.

Finally, you dont win friends by cutting their limbs. Persuade, persuade persuade!

yes, i am clueless! Pls educate me!

my dear poster,
Introduction is almost like marriage, except that you have not concluded the last rite. I personally see Introduction as a final signature on certificate. Marriage to me is the collection of the certificate. You may choose to get it signed and collect it at once, or you may opt to come for it at a later date.

If you signed and then refused to take it, the fact is that it is signed.

Congratulation to your friend for being thrown out of the house. She should count herself fortunate unless she is the kind that would not easily find another man. Congratulation to her man for getting ride of a burden and showing his own weakness as a man who cannot manage his home. Congratulation to the two of them for being careless as to not marry properly, a year after official introduction. It show that they both didnt and still doesnt know what marriage is about.

If they have lived together after a year and still cant manage dispute Without sending the wife out, then they are both immatured for marriage.

My words:
Tell the lady to take a complete break from the guy and stop receiving him every friday. She should re-examine herself, the relationship, the guy, and the issue leading to her being bundled out like a contraband. She should communicate this to the guy.

No call, no visit, no text! Just a complete, temporary break for a specified period, say 2 months depending on her personality.

After that, she should arrange a date with the guy and discuss the way forward.

If however, she is the trouble maker, i bet the guy will be glad to let her be. She need to go and beg in that case.

@poster,
The rule is: what you dont want to finish, dont start! If you have started, stop!

I read your post over and over and to be honest with you, if I were the guy, I will dump you straight away as I cant stand such woman. Many men with something on their shoulder will do likewise.

1. You probably tried the conditions you outlined above in your earlier relationships and failed. Dont expect any man to put up with uncompromising wife. It is only foolish men that do that.

2. Whatever you mean by you 'dont want to stop being Igbo' must be very negative. I have never heard that statement in my life. And to say, you are picking a yoruba man as husband! Is there no nice Igbo guy that can help you be igbo for as long as you wish?

3. When you marry the guy, will you stop your child from being yoruba? Or how do you intend to handle it so that the father will just let you have your way?

4. Regarding the church, I am a bit surprised that you guys make such division within the same religion so conspicous. Maybe you need to marry in your church or remain single for as long as you deem fit.

5. On the man's ex and other stuff, no one can answer this than him. I however see him returning to his ex if you make life difficult for him due to your uncompromising stance.

@poster,
Tradition differ worldwide, if it is your tradition, you have just two options:
1. Obey the tradition
2. Disobey the tradition and call your parents bluff.

Each of them has a price. No matter what you hear from this forum. It is either you lose your girlfriend to have your parents or lose your parents to have your girlfriend.

Meditate on it before making a choice because you will live with the choice you make.

No matter what is wrong with your tradition, no amount of sympathy, name calling and noise making can change it. You can either choose to identify with it or opt to create your own identity. It is a free world.

Just remember, not a single soul here will carry your cross for you whem you start reaping the fruit of whatever choise you made.



Cheer!

there is only one thing I can make out of this: Igbos are bent on fusing other minorities to their own group, for whatever reason. While this may be in order if they canvas for equal partnership, from some of the comments above, it seem Igbos want to dominate their own neighbours and view the failure to achieve this as a continuation of civil war! This is blackmail at it best and it doesnt help their causes.

Igbos should learn from Hausa - Fulani partnership, if the ever want to achive the goal of having larger territory within Nigerian socio political contest. Wearing the badge of morribond civil war, and blackmailing other minor tribes is not a way to achieve dominant, it will only weaken their positions.

Did Igbo people think south west is populated by only yorubas? They must have missed a point that Benin and yoruba shared the same ancentral origin to ask themselves how many times Oni of Ife try to force Benin to identify with yoruba cause.

I think with mutual cooperation, Igbo can achinve their goals, and not by blackmailing minority tribes that refused to join them

sulad82i:

Some funny stories. Bedwetting husband, Charm to get him bigger
habaa

funny indeed!

what a beautiful cake!

happy Birthday Michelin99, amy God enrich your wisdom and grant you longer live and sound health.

please send my cake o, 0809ja!

I cant believe this, most Nigerian youths want the situation to remain? what is wrong with asking for your right?

@Aisha2,
nigerians need a strong man, GJ is not in that pool, that is why he need danjuma badly. I hope he will act anyway, as jos is boiling right now.

who said your career is at stake just because you father a baby?


have you not sen may married women on campus still learning?

Before you flush the lady's womb into the toilet, take a vist to fertility clinics nationwide and see the number of couples looking for what you are trying to flush out, also take a visit to some of the city morgue and see the number of women who lost their lives trying to f;ush out the "thing"


You must thak God that you are going to father a child, the baby is a blessing, trust me, that bay will be your most prescious possession in your old age, take it or kill it, it is your choice,

This quote was taken from the comment on the original site and it fit into my own thinking,

"IT WAS ONLY 140 CITIES. Lagos was fifth worst out of those 140, but that''s 135th out of about 25000 cities in the world. Terrible reporting to not highlight the fact this wasn''t an exhaustive appraisal. While the best on that list may be the best, the worst on that list are just the worst out of the best 140.
Posted by: James , on Sunday, February 14, 2010 "


I think Lagos should be applauded for making the list and not condemned.

@chak
Whoever Allah has guided is indeed on the right path. And whoever is put astray, who is he that can put him back on the right path?

I am not sure i get it right. But it simply remind us that to be right or wrong is 'grace'. Seek Him!

t.truth:

I return your curses back to you and all your generations with massive interest. Must you reply everything I write ?? Why is that you Islamist cannot engage in any debate without putting any emotion into it or getting aggressive about it. What have I written that is working you up ?

So you just reply without checking people out ? You are neither a man nor a woman. I never knew you were so dumb and brainless. All you have written so far, makes no sense.

Isn't it true that Islam is an evil Muhammedan cult ??.

Isn't it true that all the problem we are suffering in Nigeria is linked either directly or indirectly to that satanic cult you call Islam ?.

Listen I am not pointing any finger at you, Okay. So all your satanic five fingers goes back to you and your entire generations. You evil boy. Do me a favour, stop replying. Simple as A, B C. You and your unborn generations belong to another world of course nonsense 

Like I said earlier, you picked up the wrong man for attack and I will let you know why it is so.

First, quote one sentence where I have insulted you and I will apologize. But in the event you dont have any, then you must either apologize or take every diets I have given you (that is swallow every hurtful sentence you have vomited and take it back home for regurgitating).

Second, Look at the sentences in bold fonts in your words. If I were to reply to every one of them, I am sure you will be crying silently right in front of your pc. But I am not like you, I forgive you, I will not insult you back. However, My earlier words stands. For every words of curse and insult you poured at me, May God that you worship pour back four times back at you. if I deserved them, let me receive everything. but If I have neither insulted you nor cursed you first, then let God take every words in those curse and multiply them by four and send it back to you NOT to your generation or anyone else, JUST YOU!

I will not reply you as long as you stop quoting me. In essense, by quoting me, you challenged me to reply you and I am replying you.

As for you saying Islamists dont like debates. Hmmmm, first I am not an Islamist. Second, you have never shown any desire for debate since you started. You are just launching tirades and insulting Islam and muslims in a manner that show that you just want people to accept your stance without comment. In other word, you have shut out the door for debate. Unfortunately, I am matured enough to know where you are going so I have refused to encourage your devilish act. Instead, I have chosen to return everything you vomit back to your plate for regurgitation. It is your vomit after all.

Muslims do debate very well, but that is if you want to debate. The problem with you is that you have foreclosed the possibility of having rational dialogue with anyone. It is either you shut up or you keep ranting. Stop launching attack on people.

I dont know you and you dont know me. The topic of the thread is purely for muslims and not for comparative analysis. Not for Christians. Always stay off threads that you have no business in. It is the attitude like this that bred
misunderstanding.

I can remember that one of the reason Seun created seperate board for muslims was the assumption that that way, non muslims will stay off muslims debates. Unfortunately, we have many spiritual prostitutes moving from Islam to Christian and vice versa while trying to assume the absolute authority over what they dont know.

How I wish you know my stance on religion, you may as well begin to understand why you have chosen the wrong opponent for you venom. It will always return back to you as long as I am not teh one who pour them out.

mind your business and stop poking nose at muslim matters!

@Uplawal,
i agrees with Mushin. Dont insult him back. if you guys can just throw back what they throw at you without adding anything to it, they will begin to see that you are not for the craps. It is not that I cannot insult, instead, I feel the best way to treat a Jahilih is to throw back their vomit at them. if they love it, great. And if they dont like it, then they should stop sending it out to others.

When you discuss on religion, you must know that it a volatile topic. You can not always be right even within the same religion. the only way to put your case across is to marshal your points in a logical way. If it is accepted, fne, and if it is not, fine. What will anyone gain in cyber-debate? Obviously, t.truth is one of those people who like to be seen as Christians while violating its rules. unfortunately for him, I do know a lot about Christians' ethics and no where in the bible is his act justified. So which religion is he propagating?


On a final note:
I related a story of Umar bin Khatab while a khaliph was walking in the mosque at night and mistakenly stumbled upon a poor beggar who was sleeping. The beggar shouted,
"Are you mad?"
To which Umar replied "No!"

the guards charged at the beggar for Insulting the Khaliph hoping to teach him a lesson.
But Umar pulled them back asked them to leave him and then told them. "he merely asked if I were mad, and I have replied"

Moral:
When people insult you, it is better you ether give them back what the deserve or you let them be. Islam does not allow over-reaction. If you can forgive, it is better. Evil spread in the land because in our bid to stamp it out, we over-react.

t.truth is a young man still growing. he doesnt need all the insult beyond what he poured out. Next time he want to pick up a fight, he would someone at his level.

t.truth:

You are a waste and your generations are all waste of time. Everything you have said so far is completely meaningless. Brainless Arrow.

I am happy I have not replied you, If indeed you are a believer in God in bible that the bible shall be applied to you.

As far as I know, when you point a finger at someone, four will be back at you, I pray that God grant your prayer and give you four fold of them with large interest! And if I dont deserve the one that you directed at me, God the merciful should multiply it by four and send them back to you!

I have no further comment! Please only wish me what you want your God to serve you in quadruple. You met the wrong guy for attack, I am sure you will enjoy all your "prayers" as you you churn them out.

I wish you the best.

@Mushin,
I didnt know he is a man! I dont always look at the gender status until now. Funny. A man talking like that? I am sorry. I have no time to waste. he belong to another generation. I am grateful to God I didnt waste my words on him!

t.truth:

Allah was the name of the principal though not the only deity in pre-Islamic pagan Mecca. He stood supreme over and above all the other gods just as the Ka'ba was pre eminent among the other sanctuaries - also called Ka'ba(s) - of Arabia.
He was Lord of Mecca.

In reality, Allah is NOT the God of Israel, but the PERSONAL NAME of the 'divine spirit' that according to the beliefs of the pagan Arabs,RESIDED in the Black Stone meteorite - embedded in the wall of the Ka'ba - that was VENERATED by the pagan Arabians long before Muhammad and his Quran.

The Allah of pagan Arabia was only the NAME (not a TITLE) of the supreme god at the head of their Pantheon of gods and goddesses similar to Jove/ Jupiter or Zeus in the pantheons of the gods of the Romans and the Greeks. Just as Jove and Zeus were NOT the One and Only God of Israel,
neither was Allah.

By understanding this most fundamental of facts regarding the Trinity of: Muhammad, Quran and Allah, everything which is otherwise so perplexing, contradictory, utterly incompatible with the Bible in Time and Space and totally incomprehensible about the Quran becomes CRYSTAL CLEAR.

ALLAH is NOT The GOD of ISRAEL. ALLAH is NOT GOD.

Allah is Muhammad's own ALTER EGO projected onto the persona and into the mouth of ALLAH, the supreme PAGAN DEITY of Arabia.

Hence, according to the Quran, the Arabised name of the God of Israel and the god of the Muhammadan Muslims was made one and the same: ALLAH. This was accomplished despite the fact that the God of Israel has NO NAME and most certainly NOT Allah.

In the Torah, God told Moses when he enquired about the Almighty's name, He replied-

Exodus 3: 14 "I am, who I am" which is YAHWEH, a term repeated in the Bible over 6800 times, but never ALLAH.

Actually, in the Arabic language, God is called al Ilah, similar to the Hebrew Elohim.

For the last 1400 years, the followers of Muhammad have succeeded in perpetrating one of the greatest falsehoods that was ever insinuated into the human consciousness, namely, that Allah was or is the God of Israel. Their triumph fas been so INCREDIBLY successful, that even most of the greatest authorities on the Arabic language, the Quran and the history of the Arabs, were FORCED into TRANSLATING the name Allah into GOD

May I ask you what is your tribe? And your vocation? Your root?

Like I said, I saw you as a waste of time, So I am going to be replying you with very little words, no need for explaining at all.

ThoniaSlim:

KILL YOURSELF!

Is that it?

@Uju,
I am wondering why you made the statement. It seem you are not on facebook,

Ujujoan:

I think it's very possible to fall in love with someone you've not met in person. Aside from the physical appearance preferences, wat we fall in love with is his or her personality and that can be detected over the phone, especially if both parties are sincere.

I never thought I'd say this but the way guys go on and on about intimacy these days, I think online dating is the best. That way you can study the person from far and get to know him or her before the intimacy comes! Most of the time, all we ever think of when we meet a girl or guy is intimacy and we all know how that can cloud your judgement.

So yes, people can fall in love without seeing each other . . . . If they are sincere!

This is my opinoin, thanks for the input. You have just won my heart.

@poster,
No one has evver seen God picture of hear his voice neither has anyne claimed to have seen him before. But we not only believe him but also love Him.

Same with Jesus and all.

Secondly, if the above assertion is to be true, have you not heard of blind men and women falling in love? I believ that is where you need to learn.

The truth is that love is not about the face. It is about personality. That is why ladies can fall in love with poor ugly guys and guys can also love ugly ladies. The situation where people have to see before loving is a result of lact of sincerity and desire to gratified our lusts. Lust is most prevalence today whichh explain why we have many heartbreaks.

The most important thing is the person you love and not the appearance he/she wears.

YES, you can love without seeing the person, but that is if bother of you are sincere!

It seem some people are not happy when good news come from the North, Anyway, the same is happeningin the South,

interesting,

@toba,

If there no difference between Christian and Christianity? What make you think it is best to reply insult with insult and to mock a religion instead of the offender?

I really dont think it is fair, let is begin to look inward. It is like US saying all Nigerians are terrorists. Are you a terrorist?

If you are a jew and you do wrong, will it be of great honor to me to insult all the Jewish prophets just to scorn you?

t.truth:

@Onajim :

How many wives did Muhammed (the founder of Islam) marry ?

In which way has Islam brought sanity into marriage ?

Let me tell you what you don't know : Marriage is GOD's idea and not any man's idea. which means that marriage is not Muhammed's idea neither is it allah (rock god of kabah) idea. God who created marriage said it is one man one woman right from the beginning (true monogamy).

God’s (NOT ALLAH WORDS OR SAUDI BLACK STONE OR MUHAMMED)Word teaches:
That Marriage is binding for life. Monogamy is the uniform teaching of the Bible. Polygamy is contrary to God’s perfect will and institution. Also, under the New Testament dispensation, no one has a right to divorce and remarry while the first companion lives.

If you violates God's words, there are consequences. Polygamy is Adultery period !!!

t.truth

I found it rather tempting to answer your questions. Unfortunately, you have just disqualified yourself from the people I discuss intellectually with.

if at your level of awareness you dont know that olorun and God is the same as CHineke and Allah then it is useless having a meaningful conversation with you. I would have loved to give you fuller explaination of the remaining questions, but the fact is that your mind is "shut out" and you are definitely not interested in knowing but is scorning.

I dont engage in meaningless debate. I am sorry, I can't help.

I hope someone with your kind of mentality will reply you!


PS: The bold statements are signs of "locked mind" I dont have time for such debate. Once again, thanks.

Scary, I cant believe it yet it is real, What a waste of talent for the people involved

I saw yardua in heaven,

what des this mean, dream interpreter?

t.truth:

@Post:

That means you are not a good muslim because Muslims should believe in polygamy which is the legacy of Muhammed   .

I am not surprised. Most non muslims and muslims alike do not know Islam beyond the rumours thay have been fed.

You talk as if the prophet of Islam brought polygamy to the world. Only people with lack of historical insight talk like that. It was like the prophet was the first man to be born. I really pity people that have been fighting polygamy as if it is a disease. yes, I dont like polygamy. That is part of my religion that I am free to pick. Beside Islam did not make polygamy compulsory. In fact monogamy is recommended in quran. Polygamy is an option and their are conditions for it.

To be honest with you, Islam is the only religion that regulate maraige and brought sanity to the insanity. Before Islam, men marry wives as if they are material possessions. women have no right and they are not respected. MEn marry up to twenty wives in some cases. But Islam cut down those wives into four while recocommending one wife.
say muslism with one wife are les
if I choose to pick one, it is my what I opted for. So dont say muslims with one wives are less muslims and that muslims with two wives are evil.

I will NEVER condemn polygamy. But I will condemn people who violate the rules governing it. That is all.

Thanks.

lol

I think it is about choice.

I am not married but I am addicted to sitting down to study. if a wife is not the type that like studying with you at bed time bit will rather want to perform the show every time, it make sense to relocate your library to the living room and if you sleep off there, it is beautiful!

Another possible cause may be the need to be alone. If they are in good term, nothing stop him from staying alone once a while. The wife should be glad for this anyway. We all need our peace once a while,

what are his faults?