If I must be honest, I really dont see any issue in the above story. So many things are missing, It is hard to say whether the poster is not being too forward,

Well, my simple comment is that : When you imagine a flame in the horizon and you are carrying explosive, dont light the match thinking it will let you see further, Nay, it will set you aflame, whether there is indeed a flame in the horizon or not.

So do your homework well. Forget the incidence and start making fresher observation until you are able to confirm your fear. Meanwhile, dont give her something just because you want to show love.Give her only when she need it and you feel you can afford it. Not, until you have confirmed that you are dealing with someone who truly love you should you finally put all your heart in it. be a wise giver!

@alimot2
we talk about fake pastors. Let not shy away from talking about fake sheikhs.

The incidence I narrated above was my first and only contact with him. Before then, I have heard about him and he has visited that place twice. I am a man who dont attend Islamic programmes organised by jobless people using the program as a bread and butter ventures.

I remember reading about a young Iranian boy of 9 year who memorised quran and whenever he recite the quran often moved people to tear. I cant remember them elevating him to the position of sheikh. If we go to you tube we would find such children there. Many videos.

But here, just because our muslim brothers have subtitute quran for mathematics and newspapers, we started elevating the few that can read quran to the level of diety. Calling him Ami Olorun just because he was gifted is like elevating maths wizkids to the level of god just because they became a professor at age 12 etc. Maybe when Jamiu see a 14 year old professor of maths and physics combined he will realize that he was just gifted and not a special miracle. And his followers will stop disturbing us with tale by moonlite.

May I use this opportunity to ask what is the position of this toddler that was paraded years ago as having started reading quran from the day he was born. Where is he now? He made prophesies and spoke with authority at tender age. Is Jamiu better than him?

If we must do good thing, let us do it without violating God's ordinance.

@ujojuan,
Better believe the story! It is very real. And i have shorten it because those are the fact.
@iice,
I think I used my own word for the title. I used that, because that is my interpretation of what she meant.

@all,
The girl has since returned to the guy (as friends) but the two are still trashing it out. I think the guy arranged a meeting and agreed to end the affair with two conditions. 1, that she must tell him what was actually wrong with him so that he would avoid it in his future relationship. And 2, she must remain his friend and the communicate as if nothing happened. The girl couldnt say what was wrong, though the answer, according to the guy was glaring. But she did agree to friendship. How the experiment will end, I dont know.

I supported his action for some reasons.
1. He will have d chance to know what was missing in him. If indeed it is money, he could make amend or find his class.
2. The lady's statement is puzzling, we want to know much more about it. It carries so many hidden interpretation.

I think the best way to know a thief before he rob you is to consciously place something he lacks where he alone can see it. If it disappeared, we know who look for.



@per those who said the nicer you are to some ladies the more the chance of losing them, I must agree to this irrational postulation because it is true in many cases (though not all cases).

We continue to find ladies that deny this, but who themselves are active in promoting the irrationalities. I can say from personal experience that most ladies subconsciously spurn and maltreat nice men. I have even heard words like "mugu" "weak" used for such guys. The arguments used by many was that they cant marry a weak husband. Unfortunately, nice men in most cases project weakness to such women. I have studied this phenomenon myself and can tell that it is real.

But to guys out there. Caution is the word! Not every lady want abrash tough guys. Human beings are just too complex to be grouped under one doctrine. There are eggs, and there are eggs. I wish I have time to write more and blog on it.

@poster, I think the whole thing narrow down to two things:
1. Cultural barrier
2. Lack of communication.

The two of you are acting abnormally and in fairness to him, you started it all.

From your tale by moonlite, I can point out these two things: you told him he was not in your class when you first started. To me, that statement may remain in his mind for age and one day, when he finally make it, he will pay you back unless you show him enough reasons that it wasnt intentional. Secondly, you said your not in friendship. I just wonder how you would expect him to take the affair serious when you guys have not even started.

My guess is that you want him. But he on his part is pondering his options. The best thing you can do is leave him alone. If he truly want you, he will give you a chase.

Sincerely however, I think all these on and off tango in a relatinnship that has not even started is a bad omen. Caution is the word.

The Supreme Court, on Friday, reinstated the remaining 44 of the 47 lecturers sacked about 10 years ago by the University of Ilorin under the administration of Professor Oba Abdulraheem.

Professor Abdulraheem now heads the Federal Character Commission (FCC).

Three of the 47 lecturers had been reinstated by the apex court a few months ago.

Only 41 of the reinstated lecturers will be resuming duties, with the death of three in the course of pursuing justice over their dismissal from service for their participation in a strike embarked upon by the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU).

The deceased, however, got justice as the five-man panel of justices ordered the payment of their salaries and allowances from the day they were purportedly dismissed from service to the dates of their death, with the law deeming that they died in active service.

The court rejected the argument of the institution to dismiss the appeal due to the death of three of the appellants.

It held that “The suit survived and was righty continued at the instance of the living plaintiffs. The death of two (now three) plaintiffs did not invalidate the case of the plaintiffs.”

Justice John Afolabi Fabiyi, in his lead judgment, upturned the decision of the Court of Appeal, Ilorin Division, which upheld the lecturers’ dismissal and restored the judgment of the trial court which quashed their sack.

Justices Dahiru Musdapher, Mariam Mukhtar, Francis Ogbuagu and Olufunlola Adekeye also agreed with the lead judgment in their concurrent judgment.

In the lead judgment, Justice Fabiyi said, “In conclusion, I find this appeal is, no doubt, meritorious. It is hereby allowed. The decision of the majority of justices of the court below is hereby set aside.

“In its place, the judgment of the trial Judge is restored to the effect that the living 41 appellants are hereby reinstated and should be paid their salaries and allowances from February 2001.

“For the three plaintiffs who died during the protracted litigation, may their souls rest in peace. As it has been written of old that, ‘it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.’ In their graves, they must be crying for justice. An incidental order is clearly warranted. They are deemed to have passed on while in service. Their salaries and allowances shall cease on their respective dates of death.”

The apex court held that the authorities in University of Ilorin deliberately chose to punish the lecturers because the crisis ought to have ended on June 29, 2001 when the National Universities Commission (NUC) ordered the university to recall the dismissed lecturers.

The then Executive Secretary of the NUC, Professor Munzali Jibril, had sent a directive to University of Ilorin and University of Nigeria, Nsukka.

The directive, which was quoted by the justice, read, “I am directed to draw the attention of your council to the cases of academic staff whose rights of continuous employment have been wrongly and prejudicially affected as a direct consequence of the national strike of ASUU and to request you to kindly reverse such action taken by your Council/Administration in order to ensure peace and harmony in the campuses in the country and in the spirit of negotiations.”

Justice Fabiyi noted that while University of Nigeria, Nsukka, complied with the directive, University of Ilorin chose not to, which led to the decade-long crisis.

In restating the lecturers, the Supreme Court held that after accusing the lecturers of not discharging their academic responsibilities, the university refused to give them fair hearing.

“There is no evidence on record that I can see wherein the appellants were offered opportunity for fair hearing,“ Justice Fabiyi held, while faulting the court of appeal for holding that the lecturers were given fair hearing.

“The court of appeal went out of its way to set up a case for the respondents. It must be stated in clear terms that it is not the responsibility of a court to set up for parties, a case different from the one set up by the parties themselves in the pleadings and evidence,” Justice Fabiyi said.

In awarding N2.8 million damages against the university, the apex court held that Section 15 (3) of the University of Ilorin Act 1990 would not avail the respondent after refusing to give the lecturers opportunity to defend themselves even though their participation in the industrial action was considered by the university as scandalous and disgraceful.

Reacting, Dr. Taiwo Oloruntoba-Oju, the leader of the group of the lecturers, who had had his own sack reversed a few months back, stated that the victory of his colleagues at the court was an indication that the Nigerian judiciary was alive.

Professor Babatunde Sholagberu, one of the affected lecturers, said, “We are grateful to Nigerians who identified with our struggles. It is not easy not to have salaries for eight years as a family man. It has gone further to prove that we can have confidence in the judiciary.”

Also, chairman of Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) in Kwara State, Mr. Emmanuel Ayeoribe, said, “I am overwhelmed with joy. This is great news. It is a clear signal; the fallacies of the Unilorin authorities have been exposed.”

I believe everyone of us follow the news. For two years, the EFCC tried to get INTERPOL arrest the two men but failed. I know this because I happened to know someone who know. When they failed, they used that excused as the reason not to release Ibori's witness to testify in London court. But for the pressure from many quarters, Ibori's mistress will never have been allowed to go to London to testify. The AGF was trying to use the case to blackmail the British govt to arrest Ribadu and El Rufai who always visit the place.

Now, my sentiment is this. Why will the stupid EFC wait till El Rufa announced the date of his return to the country before asking INTERPOL to arrest him? Let su look at it objectively. Forget whatever reason The two men are being wanted. let look at that fact alone and see if we indeed have responsible law enforcement agencies in the country.

They are taking Nigerians for granted by acting as if we are stupid. And I am surprised that many people are here buying the idea. El Rufai was told to delay his return to the country but he choose to return and even wrote all the media houses home and abroad about the date he will return. Not only that, he was oon BBC to confirm that he will return. And to my chargrin, I woke up the following day to find the news that EFCC has asked INTERPOL to arrest him and Ribadu!

Who are they fooling? I think for once, we should give the El rufai his due.  If he announced the date of his return openly inspite of the dangers, then all we must do is wait till he return and let the court do his work.

I still wonder why we are chasing people like el rufai who was accused of stealing the money that was not missing while we all hail the EFCC for allowing Iboris and co walk round the country like king. SOmething must be wrong with us. In a sane country, Ibori would have been chased out of the country. Anyway, I believe he is free because the court make him free. and because Ribadu who is holding his case file is on exile.

What next? we shouldnt lose our sleep over el Rufai, let us allow him to defend himself in court. I hope the hawk will not try to hurt him.

“Marry those women who are lawful to you, two or three or four, and if you fear that you cannot do justice (to them) then marry one…” ( surah 4:3 )

When we consider the historical circumstance of the time period of this revelation, it clearly shows that the new growing Muslim community of the Prophet (pbuh) in Medina, were compelled to defend itself from incessant war against an enemy bent upon their extermination. A great number of male breadwinners lost their lives against overwhelming forces. Women had lost their affectionate husbands and young children their loving fathers, and these widows and orphans had to be provided for. If they had to be left to the mercy of circumstances, they would have perished, and the community would have weakened to the extent that it would have been impossible to maintain the struggle for life.

So let it be clearly understood that; In Islam, marriage of one man to one woman is the general rule. Polygyny is offered as a solution only,on the basis of justice and equity amongst the two, three or four wives, to meet certain needs and not a free license for any man to use and abuse.

I also need to make it clear that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not institute or invent Polygyny as many hostile critics allege. The Scriptures bear abundant proof of the fact that polygyny was recognized as lawful and, indeed widely practiced by the great prophets.

* Father Abraham (Nabi Ebrahim) had three wives. ( Sarah, Hagar and Keturah )
* King Solomon ( Nabi Sulaiman) had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

The Bible also reports the number of wives of many other prophets and great o God.

The advantages of polygyny can be realized by considering a few key points.

Firstly, Polygyny can be deemed an answer to the problem of surplus women.

Secondly, due to brutal warfare in ancient times which resulted in an even greater percentage of women over men. Who would care for these widows and orphans?

Thirdly, due to the patriarchal societies, it was nearly impossible for an unmarried widow or orphan girl to provide for herself. Females were often uneducated and untrained. They relied solely on their fathers, brothers and husbands for provision and protection.

So it seems that Islam allowed polygyny to protect and provide for the women who could not otherwise find a husband. The Muslim man would take multiple wives, upto four at one time, and serve equally and justly as their provider and protector.

Polygyny can also be a disadvantage as it can lead to an individual’s spiritual destruction if he fails to do justice within such a relationship.

The condition which Islam lays down for a man to have more than one wife is confidence on his part that he will be able to deal equitably with his two, three or four wives in the matter of food, drink, clothing, expenses, as well as the division of his time between them.

The Qur’an states in surah 4:12 that treating one’s wives equally is a very difficult matter.

“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire.”

Thus since equal treatment of wives is impossible, however hard a person tries, a man should marry only one wife. It is evident from the aforementioned facts that Islam neither introduced nor enforced polygyny. This rather indicates that in Islam monogamy is the rule and polygyny the exception. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also states in a hadeeth.

“A person who had two wives and was favourably inclined towards one, he would come on Judgment day in a condition by dragging the one side of his body (disgraced).”

So, when a man is poor and is not able to care for his wife and children, then polygyny is not allowed for him. His failure to maintain a second wife will result in strife and obscenity, which will defeat the very objective of marriage, which is supposed to be a lawful union of love, harmony and tranquility between a man and a woman.

Thus, though Islam has restricted the number of wives in a polygynous relationship, and allowed it as an answer to certain situations, it has also expressly forbid it to be abused and used as a tool for mere sexual gratification and abuse of women. In conclusion, allow me to narrate to you an anecdote on the topic of polygyny.

“A man married a second wife with the permission of his first wife. He treated them with absolute justice and equality. They all lived very happily, when suddenly, both wives died. After making all the preparations for burial, he realized they had only one front door. He instantly hired a builder to chop down part of the wall and construct another front door, through which he will take both wives out simultaneously. That night he went to sleep happily satisfied with his sense of justice. However, his first wife appeared in his dream and she was very upset. She thanked him for the wonderful life they had together, but why…, she asked …why did you take her through the new door and I was take through the old door ?

So my brothers…. You never win. Stick to one wife and live a happy life.
From Dawah islamic group of Ireland

True, To ENgineer is human!

3rd break up in 4 years? Not bad. I think you two are not doing something right.

The whole thing can be blamed on both of you. Understandably so. You, mirroing your future by your past, and him, trying to exert dominance. You cant blame him just as he cant blame you. You have suffered in your childhood and want to block that part of you, but, he has been ignorantly reigniting the past.

There is a line of thought in psychology that an individual tend to be influenced by his childhood when picking a life partner. That is if he/she is conscious of the process. So what you are feeling is not strange. But try to outgrow your childhood first. Stop seeing your dad in any guy you meet, learn to see each person in their own angle. I dont know your guy, so I dont know if he is right or wrong. But work on yourself first.

In my view, just be fqiend with the guy and make him realize you are just friends. The two of you have not been communicating all these while. You have onlybeen talking without getting feedback.

Everythmg depends on why you guys broke up just as it depends on the personalities behind the conflict.

Hi all. It never cease to amase me why some chaps don't run out of excuse to dump someone. I think some of us are magicians when it come to using words.

I mediated in a conflict and have his permission to share.

A guy has been in a deep relationship with a lady for the last six months. And the two has been seriously talking about marriage. Thex share time and resource together and are intimately close. Both are looking forward to having a date fixed for introduction.

Sudddenly, just over a month ago, the babe changed and started avoiding the guy.

And then came this month, the two talked. The lady praised the guy for being cool compassionate and caring. But she calmly told the guy that they have to part. When probed further, she gave the following parable : It is revealed to me to go after the man who loves me but I dont love. The man who love me and I love, I cannot marry. I will learn to love the man I dont love after marriage!"

The guy got the hint but probed further, knowing that he was the man who loves her and she love. To his chargrin the babe said he "is too good to be in a relationship!"

Confused, and feeling cheated, the man angrily left her. And as at today, the babe maintained that stand and thus come to an end a wonderful relationship.

I found this strange and wish I share. What will make people end affair just like that and still proud to give that kind of excuse? Can someone indeed, be too good to marry?

NB. The guy is a poor struggling guy and told me that the babe has an ex abroad who was trying to come back to her life, though she claimed she dont love him.

hmmm

I have heard about him and I have sen him but if he is the one I saw, I can tell u that I dot like him!

I don't hate him either, and I don't think he is a role model.

Why? as a teenager, he already has 4 wives? ( I hope I am wrong)
2. Each time his followers talk to him, they do so as if he were a god.


I stumbled upon him on my mum street lats year or something when he was invited to speak. I was told that because he was talking I should not take the major road even though he was not on that path. There argument was that he must finish before anybody can walk pass the road. It almost lead to a fight between me and the follower most of who look like a thug to me. I don't think that is what Islam teaches. I had my way though, I passed through the road and I didn't even bother to listen to what he was saying.

Each time he lift a microphone, the followers will all stand up and will not sit until he drop the mic. One thing that made me even angrier was when he caught. A man old enough to be his father quickly went to him and started moppong his gullet and face even though it was a slight cough and before he was through,, another one has joined them and started fiddling with the Agbada he wore as if a were a king. I don't know why you bring him to nairaland. He is not worth the discussion.

I wish someone educate him on how to behave. I wonder why u even call hi skeikh. Sheik in Arabic mean elder. That boy should be call a boy and not elder!

simple. The answer is BECAUSE THEY ARE POOR. Ans they are poor because they have too many kids than their income can take.

Rubbish! None of the above!

Have you heard of gwaragwara tribes? They are the people you are looking for,

@poster,
Most women praying for husbands are not interested in just any man. They only want someone with 100% perfection. And that is why they are singles in the first place. God will send them a perfect man when they reach menopause.

@poster,

Will you like to sketch my own face too? Long nose, big mouth and kind heart. Please give it a try.

You reminded me of my Portuguese friend. She can perform miracle with her painting y drawing something from nothing. I like you works. They can take you to a great height

I got this from a tabloid. let hear you.

Is it right or wrong to let one’s only son to take oath of celibacy ie to become a Catholic priest? This is the question that our roving correspondent Bridget Amaraegbu seeks responses from individuals this week. While some people think priests should be allowed to marry and have children, some are of the opinion that since they are not married, they have no right to counsel married people. The question they ask is, what does an unmarried priest know about relationship, when he is not married?
What is your opinion and what would you do if your only son announces his intention to become a priest?

I think the wife is over reacting. She knew all along that her man is a PS addict before marriage, why will she now be trying to change a grown up man?

This is one of the reason marriages break down.

has it get to the point where she should kill herself?

wow, I thought this kind of thing is in the past?

Good luck to all flesh loving people. It is time you start patronizing those who prepare the meat at home or you kill that ram on your own.

Can't we stay at home and dvelop our own countries instead of looking for the greener pastures in nations where we are not wanted?

what for? Why not post it here? And why female alone?

well, it isnt cultural and it is not Nigerian thing at all. The only thing Nigerian in your post is thinking it is only Nigerian women that hunt for husbands.

it is our faults

alimot2, you are late lol.

I am sending the meat to mukina2 and tanimz. Maybe I can send you chocolate and salah salad. What do you think?

@guy that said they dont waste meat, thank you o. I wish u help me with the meat sha. But am glad I found a way out.

@poster,
If ur friend cant do it, why not teach him how to do it? I am sure he will respect you moreif you do it well. Better still, you can invite xour friend out with his girl and take your girl along also. It will help if you have the charisma to influence him tn learn.

Just dont make the mistake of letting that girl put you in trouble. There must be reason why she went after your friend in the first place. Let them sort it out themselves

that remind me of my friend's fb name "ugofearfear!"

The poster already fear fear. Whether on fb or in normal life, it doesnt really matter how many friends she has but the kind of friends she flow with

@suzy,
The problem is on your side. And your parents are against. You dont want to tell him and you don want to leave him.

For every situation like this two results are sure: success and failure.

It depends on ur parents resolve. It depend on you

funny!

I also read in toilet. I am posting this right from the toilet!

How long? It depends on the paper am reading and where I am. I hardly stay up to a minute if am using public toilet which I rarely use anyway.

But the poster may be right if thd fellow merely use toilet paper to clean up. Probably trying to break record so she hurried in and hurried out.

@fay
I dont tell people I am a vegie. I just tell them I dont eat meat. She was right, most people dont know about it or why we choose to omit meats from our diets hence they dont go with your simple 'no'.

I dont live with my family. I live far away from them. But my family know what to do if they are around.

@tanimz,

I will have to try the second one. The first method is out of it. A man saw me at a canteen eating food wthout meat. And he looked at me twice as if trying to know if I am sane or not. When he got no clue, he politely asked me " E o ra eran ni?" meaning "Are you not buying meat? I told Him I am ok. and the look on his face was like "what kind of man is this?" He shook his head and then faced his own food.

he got two goat meats and a turkey. I just laughed to myself bcause it is like some chap think if you dont eat meat, you eather dont have teeth or you have problem.

That also happened several times when I was in the North. So I have sopped telling peopl I am a veggie. I just tell them I cant eat meat. But occsionally, I tried to please people by eating chicken or Turkey. Even tha one is gradually going off my diet! It is becoming something I eat "just to please people."

I will try the second option if I am at home. Maybe it is time I start donating meats also. The only problem is "why give what you cant eat?" I am yet to come to term with that. if I am not at home, how will I tell them I have had enough? Anyway, I may have to put "traveled" tag on my door this time

@Mukinah
lol How can I?

Hi all, I hope this topic is in the right place and will attract right people. I urge the "fighters" to please help me by making only peaceful contribution here.

I am a vegetarian. Though most people dont know. And I have done so many things to ensure that I dont embarrass people when I go out, but not eating out. You know there are people that will take offense when you reject their foods. More often than not, I always claimed to be fasting. So much that people thought I fast every day!

Well, every year, like other people, I get so much meats from friends and I killed none. though my family does. However, even before I become a full blooded vegetarian, I have always have the habits of keeping the meat until they stalled. Some of them always end in the dustbin. But when I became a full vegetarian, it get worse. Last salah, a woman was surprised that I dumped her meat in the dustbin and she was so angry that she did say hello to me for a while.

Now, another salah is coming. What should I do with the meat? When run away so they wont find me at home, somebody will take the meat on my behalf as it happened last salah. Which mean, I will get it whether I am home or not.

Kindly let me know what you think. I am thinking it it time we have salah fish at least that will save people like me from having o do things that put off others, such as throwing the meats in dustbin!

Your input is highly welcome as long as it is not abusive.