@poster,

Maybe you are not on his radar or your own radar is defective,

Why are you desperate to make him notice you? He must be such a special guy for you. Anyway, the only way he can notice you is when you start radiating self-confidence and also exhibit your own self-worth. Be his friend and try that, if you have been flaunting yourself at him all these while, then you are broadcasting wrong signal. Only a lustful heart would go after a thing like that. Change your communication device, let his radar pick your positive signal and he will notice you without effort,

hmmm

sistawoman:

R u a man or a boy?

Only a boy can not control his emotions.

hmmm though true, it is not every time it is valid. Some men cant control their emotions as well. What the guy is feeling is obviously lust. It is only lust that started out that way. When he find a better lady, the lust will vanish and he will forget the old feelings.

Seun:

Ok, I've changed my mind. Becomerich wins. End of story. Hip hip hurray.
Now let's move on to more important things, okay? Thanks.

I found this thread very interesting. Seun. It is something I have always loved to see. I hope I a allowed to blog on this topic?

@All,

In as much as I sometimes do not like cheating others and I also believe in the spirit and content of democracy, I have looked at the issue very well and came up with the following conclusion:

1. becomrich is a symbol of popular, but blinded politics that we play in Nigeria. We knew that Yardua have larger score (rig or no rig) and that neither he nor obasanjo actually participated in the ballot stuffing process, yet the man we want lost the match. In the same manner, Bcomerich has shown us that the problem with us as a nation is not the leader but we that are thumping the ballot without even looking at the consequence of our actions.

2. There are rules and regulation in every contest, and this is no exception. becomrich violated the rules and regulation of the entity he was seeking to become it flagship and he was unapologetic about it. This show something about power. You must never become so pompous and arrogant when you have not got the power. he ught to have learned from Yardua, Ladoja, etc and other people before him. They humble themselves before the power brokers and once they get the power, the started acting their real nature. He should have waited till he was crowned before he started rebelling.

3. I think in every contest the umpire's decision is final. And in the above, I will go with the moderators' judgement. The winner violated the rule and was disqualified. That is the final judgement.

On the second look, I found it very intriguing to see Nigerian scenario being played out on nairaland. this is a perfect example of our lack of readiness for a change. We talk about change but secretly voted for status quo. This is a very interesting revelation for. This thread is the most important thread I ever read on religion section and I am going to share it with people so they can plan very well for 2011 election.

Thanks

i have always believe in monogamy for myself. But I can never ask others to do it if they dont believe it. As much as I believe in polygamy, I dislike hearing of divorce and has resolved that I will rather have a broken relationship than divorce.

Polygamy has it usefulness and at times it could be a advantagous to the two party if done rightly. But I dont wish for it.

alright guys, we get a lot of problems. And it is disappearing shoes. How do we solve the problem?

ignore what you saw, act as if you didnt notice and begin secret investigation of what is going on between them. It is better you catch them and nab them than base your decision on what that will later deny. Be wise my man, you have a reason to show them you are wiser and smarter.

Picking up fight at this stage will lead you to nowhere.

very possible, but not in the same way,

for instance: you can love one for his money, and the other for his kindness, You can love one for being an intelligent guy, and the other for being cool to be with. However, each will be competing for your attention at different time and for different reason.

there is a difference between conflict in a relationship and a break up. If you mean conflicts, disagreement, it is very normal. People who never disagree can never truly understand one another.

But if you mean break up. I assume it must come with extreme bitterness, as most often the case, then I cant agree with u!

A break up that last months with serious issue dont always mend permanently. The couple will still suspect one another in one aspect. Anyway, it depends on
1. The cause of the break up
2. The avaivability of a better option, and
3. The willingnes of one of the party to compromise

lol.

lol iice "borrowing trouble indeed". I hope she repay or someone repay her

a nice one. Though time has change, the characters are still living up the dream.

@all,

Point of correction: I am not the writer. You can see the writer listed below the article. I copied and pasted it here just to know others' opinions.

Thanks

lol jarus. Salah is gone now. Maybe next year, I will see what happen. Btw, you didnt invite me to your place for salah get together. I missed the ramadan get together. I want adjustment next time.

madam poster,
I think u r going to complicate your problem soon.

Wait, what is wrong with you that you cant stay off sex while you evaluate the substance of the relationship? From ur post, it seem you interpret being lonely to being sex starved. It is glaring in ur post. You cant get wet unles u are with him, you cant av sex with another man etc. Is this the premise upon which you based your relationship? No wonder, the guy is running away! A responsible guy cnt be serious in such relationship.

My suggestion is that you give him space and learn to stay away from sex even if he ask for it. Build your self esteem, and develop emotional independence. Flow with positive people especially ladies and talk less of sex or erotic things.

Learn to recognize real love. What u are feeling right now isnt love! They guy may have got tired of u anyway. Finally, why are you giving him money?

@poster,

If my observations are wrong, kindly corect me.

1. You nd the girl are friends. But but happened to like her and wanted her to be your lover even though you two are very close.
2. YYou started pestering her with love and wanted her to give you definite "yes" but she skipped the replies;
3.Desperate, you gave her deadline and when the time came, you forced her to say something and she gave you a capital no. You ended the friendhip on that account.
4. BEfore she said yes, another lady who is not as pretty as her has lost her own bf just because she " does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market wit me."
5. your heart however remains with the lady who dont love you even though someone is dying to have you.
6. You advised the lady that love you to return to her lost bf while you hope the lady that doesnt love you will say yes.
7. The lady that love you replied, probably feeling guilty )it shown in her text as you published it above) and asked you to "bt minwhile i'm stretchin my arms 2 u, to b my bestee. " and that the two of you should be friends again.
8. Now you are begining to get confused as to whether the lady will eventually say yes or not even thogh she still maintained that she want you as friends. "she's mor free wit som oda guys, and she kips emphasizing dat she's not my girlfriend cos she hadnt said YES, even though most people thinks she's mine, she tries 2 clear there doubts."

Look, if there is no other lady, I will not have talked like this. I will have given you tips on how you will win you hard-hearted lady. And the best tip is to be patience and let her decide what she want from you while you prepare for the worst. In order word, anything can happen. If you force her to love you, it will bakfire when she find her kind of man.

But there is another lady, who though is not telling you, is silently nursing heartache just because you ignored her. MAybe you don't know. She probably respect you a lot and hence will be willing to voice her mind.

From your posts, I can see that you keep repeating something which was probably why you are desperate to tie the prety lady down. That is " because girls are quite few here, findin a female partner is very competitive. I managed 2 get dis pretty-slim and quiet girl (My Choice) & was glad i did" also you own word " I only need her 2 be my ASSURED PARTNER"

This more than ever convinced me to think that what you are feeling for that preety lady is not real love, but love borne out of fear and lust. here is nothing to suggest that you love the girl in all your statements.

My man true love waits. true love is patient. true love is unconditional. All these are not shown in your actions so far.

So my advice remains the same. Just be friend with her and stop bothering her with love. Love will grow naturally. If all you need is an "Assured Partner" just because there are "competition" in the area, then be prepared for anything in future when her heart may no longer be with you. It is this kind of stiff that made people stay in relationship for 5 to 8 years and still lose the person they claimed to love. Show her what you have to offer, let her see your love. If she truly love you, she will stay glued to you. and if she does not, she will always leave you no matter how many years you stay together.

In fact, it is best you stay away from her for a while if you can. trust me if she truly think you deserve her time, she will look for you.

smooooooth:

i tire for the guy, so i shld check my spellings, punctuations, paragraghs, cos i wan post for NL. ow can he even think i will write the same way for a job application. na wa for the guy sef.

It is ok, my error, at least I have just shown my ignorance, That is how teenagers like me write. And now that u have found me out, I got to stop.


Thanks for the complement!,

Anyway, this is what happened. I posted from my mobile phone. REad the topic and the next few comments. and moved straight to reply. I didn't even bother t read others. I realized I have posted on the wrong page. I tried to delete it but it doesn't work so I left it. If it give anyone headache, so be it! As long as I know what I put there stands. As for your last comment above, I honestly wanted to bring out one or two things from it. But somehow, I feel it is useless on this thread. Peace.

I got more of these pictures, it is maybe true, it is may be real.

If it were to be Africans that indulge in such canibalistic act, the CNN, BBC and all western media would have made a classic documentary of it.

God help us,

donsity:

On the other hand, another gurl dat's nt quite as pretty as she is, does all my biddings like strollin wit me, readin wit me etc. & her bfriend brokeup wit her cos she went 2 d market with me

Why not stay with the one who lost her hearthrob just for you? It is obvious this one actually lose her man before your parted way from the lady in you are dying for. The question is "If the Lady of your heart has said yes, what would have become of the above lady that lost her own man just for you?

donsity:


OK! just yestaday, I med up my mind 2 ask her one mor time bt refused until i forced her by holdin her arms and she finally said NO. Although i kno she'd stil want me 2 relate wit her, but I sent her a Text sayin I had made up my mind to Leave her for good.

Since you have made up your mind and is already warming your way with someone else, doesit not make sense that you let the sleeping dog lie? LEt the pretty girl go, if she return to you, you have committed offense against the one that lost her man for you, and that mean you are unfair.

By the way, I suspect you are after the pretty girl because of her beauty. At least it show in your own post. look at the bold font above.

@poster,
You are like someone looking for a ghost just because you are in the darkness. Why not just wait till you hear a eerie sound of a ghost or lit a lamp before you dial 911?

Your gf must have loved the man when the going was good. Maybe she was hurt, maybe they parted under controversial circumstances. It could be anything. But the main point is she is an emotional type. So imstead of looking for a ghost in the darkness, stand by her, she need your support. Since the man already has a gf, just help her and let her stabilize for now. You will know why she cried. No one here can tell you why she cry except her.

If you love her, stay by her and help her heal instead of trying to exhume her past sorrow.

why are u so impatience? Whatever happen to friendship?

I think you did the wrong thing. Your giving her a deadline and trying to force her to say yes was a manifestation of desperation from your part. Perhaps you have hidden agenda.

Now you are the one hurting. What a mess!

@poster,
Just a thought. If you were not engage and you face similar situation, what will you have done?

i am bit speechless. Anyway, if you think it is not all case that you can spot a minor by their words, then it is done! I know people will disagree with me on this anyway. You can as well be told that there are people who can roughly predict your personality by just taking a look at your hand writting. I am sure many people are not aware of that as well. They just know that most companies ask for handwriten application letters even after getting all the facts on printed cv.

I however maintain that xou can roughly evaluate people by hearing them talk, or even read their words.

It isnt about relationship alone. It is in all spheres of life.

So let get to know who is who here by followhng your criteria.

smooooooth:

ok, i dnt wanna be rude, but dat part of your post, not rily nice.

and i tell u some minors in here make so much sense u will easily be fooled

its possible the peeps u call matured are rily under 5.

but dats not the point, all comments are welcomed, just dat i feel we shld all

know more details about who we chatting with.

sorry for my earlier post!

I am sorry if you think my input was not nice,. Anyway, I was not directing the bulk of the messages at you but at the general readers. If you read my message very well, you will observed
that I said "Anyway, age has little to do with maturity. I have seen foolish people in their thirties not better than silly teenagers, and I have seen wise teenagers who are older than their ages"

So I know I cannot really be fooled.

Now on the area you typed in bold. Let me use the opportunity to something very critical. I have been on NL for long to know that people do fall in love and some also end up dating. The question is, with the age and real identity hidden, how do you know who you are dealing with?

The answer depend on your level of maturty as well. I think it is silly to fall in love with someone you dont know. And for you to actually fall for someone, you will be in possession of some facts about that person. So the best way is to be alert while talking to the person. I look at the way the person react to issues. No matter how sensible a person is, his age will show in conversation eventually. All you have to do is vary the level of discussion. Let say for instance, you are discussing history and someone told you about an event that happened, say, in 1960. If you are smart enough, you will know whether he is narrating the story from source or he actually witnessed it. I used a variaty of methods. History, ideals, values, and response to certain situations. That is why I said "thank God for intuition". Not everyone of us are gifted to spot such things.

So my friend, befre you fall for someone where faces are hidden and profile also removed, always ensure that you have talked to that person. Personally, I dont have to talk. The first thing I do is go to their past posts. It is on nairaland. If you take pains to read people's past post, you will see how they responded to varrying issues. Naturally, you can make a fair prediction of the age range of the poster.

All in all, my advise is that people should always allow time for broader communication before jumping into serious matter of the heart. I know many with lustful mind will not agree with me. But there are many who have seen a fine face on a profile only to behold a ugly face in real life. And there are people who are suffering from multiple personalities disorder. And there are some real psycho whose mind function well only when dealing with an imaginary image, and nairaland provide a perfect place for them. In real life, they are candidate for mental homes. So what should you do?

My friends, nailand is an interesting place. Just watch how people respond to simple insult and you will know who is still under medical treatments and who is yet to understand he need a good psychiatrist.

Anyway, I can write on and on, I believe that suffice for now, At least you know I know what I am talking about. Any other question, I wil gladly reply you.

a reasonable post turns joke.

Thank God for intuition, I can spot someone age range by reading their posts. Anyway, age has little to do with maturity. I have seen foolish people in their thirties not better than silly teenagers, and I have seen wise teenagers who are older than their ages.

Anyway, it takes a mature mind to spot a mature mind. If you come to nairaland for a date and end up dating a minor, then it is your fault. Nl isnt all about dating.

Anyway, good luck to the searchers.

no, it doesnt. But I will find out! And believe me, the relationship cannot be the same again even if you forgive her. Only a fool will let lies strengthen his/her relationship.

Your point was that it "strengthen." Let me break it down. After finding out that he/she lied to you, you start doubting him/her. Even though you have forgiven him/her and you two are back, the truth is that you will be more than ever be alert than before. You will suspect his/her every words to be lie and scrutinize them before you consume them. Does that kind of attitude strengthen or weakened love? Just answer me.

Though most of us won't say it, that is the truth. It make the repentant liar a potential liar. Once a liar, always a liar until time prove that the spirit of lies in him or her has been completely purged.

ouch! That is even more interesting. I believe you live in her country, right? Just look around you and find how many Indian women frolic with Africans.

@topic,
true, if you are dealing with a fool!

lol

I am laughing in my local language.

And someone told me, women dont dump nice men.

@poster,
In the light of my earlier observations and your shedding more light on it, I am of view that you adopt "strategic withdrawal measure"

This is my reason. Since you the statements you made when you started hurt the guy's pride and shocked him, you cannot expect him (being a shy fellow at that) to come back to you, after you withdraw, for a retrial. Most men with high sense of self-worth will rather be spending their times to prove you wrong, than coming back to ask for a second chance. It depend on him though, but I have passed through that humiliation before, but am laughing now. Lol cos it the girl that secretly want a re-match! I also remember my late mentor sharing his story with me. Unlike me, he actually paid back the lady with public humiliation.

Secondly, the cultural barrier you keep refering to cant be the major cause.

So the strategic withdrawal I am suggesting is to give the guy space to sort himself out. Stop bothering him with love before he start thinking "you are cheap and desperate". Apologise sincerely to him if he still think about all you said, and let him know you didnt mean it. Once you get pass that, you two can be friends. I think the chance of reworking the confidence can happen when both of you maintain steady friendship. You will, through that stage learn to know things you need to know. Shyness isnt a barier to communication, even dumb people that cant talk communicate. It is obvious you are yet to understand him. Starting a sizzling love affair with someone you dont understand will be great gamble even if you never disagree in the first place.

So, give him a space. Be just friend with him (since it appear the two of you at least want to be around each other.) encourage him to express himself on other issues of mutual interest apart from love, then watch his body language. I am of view that if he truly want you, he will show the sign and may even take the lead. And if you are not his kind of woman, nothing you do can help.

If after after all these, he continue to act as if your not even there, kindly place a "stop loss order" and leave him alone for good. You may find some better and more appreciative. It is not every time we love, that we get appreciated. Any attempt at forcing him to love you will backfire when he find the woman he truly want.