₦airaland Forum

Hmmm, I'll haul myself up and out of here. My work is done.

Final word.

Michelin89. U obviously have personal issues and perhaps this couples problems bears direct resemblance to a personal problem U have, abi na U be the wife?

michelin89:
Maybe if the man had known more women, instead of remaining a mediocre lover, his wife wouldn't be sexually frustrated. It's always easy to blame women anytime intimacy is concerned.

The man nor sabi do and that is it.

Are U listening to Urself at all?

michelin89:
So being sexually exposed is now bad for women?

Not now. It has always been bad for men and women.
Hmmm, "Sexual exposure." Is that the new name for fornication and adultery?

I hope U can see clearly that this whole situation would be less complicated if she didnt have the "exposure" she now uses as a standard she wont even reveal to her husband to live up to. Even if she did reveal them to him and tell him some other men are responsible for setting them do U think her husband would so easily find any appeal to them except he understand the divine concept of true forgiveness?

It's arrogant people that think sexual exposure has any benefits on a marital bed. The past is easily idealized and of this we need to be wary. We each have a unique sexual identity that should be shared, explored, discoverd, experienced, nurtured, only with those to whom we are married.

Do babies learn to suckle their mums? Some things are innate.

One last thing, I hope she wasnt sleeping after they got married. that would be some really nasty situation, albeit love covereth a multitude of sins.

As for the sexual dissatisfaction it is clear that since she never was in love with U she probably never shared the intimate details of her sexuality with U. Her needs, her cravings, her fantasies, her hot spots, what she likes, her fetishes, not even her body. All U did with her even in making those kids was sex.

Needless to say, I don't blame you as much as I blame her. She really should have spoken up and maybe after twn years one or the both of U would b happy married to other people u could have married.

I'm a religious person and I take seriously to what God instructs us. We were given commandments by our creator for our wellbeing and when ever we break them we face the repercussions not because he is waiting for us to break them so e can pusnish us but cos there is an equal and opposite reaction to every action and the law cannot be broken. Cause and effect.

If she hadnt known other men before all this would have been less complicated.

Sad to say but U married an immature person who did not speak up when she should have. U on the other hand were just too engrossed in Ur self and were not as in-tune with reality enough to pick up on her state of mind and heart.

Enough of blame "appropriations." What u need to do, is find out i she's willing to give Ur relationship one more try. Let her show U how she knows to be loved. The thing about loving is if U don't do it the way the person understands as being loved first, chances are they will never be comfortable with U enuf for U to reveal to them the many other ways they can be loved they couldnt even have imagined. People mirror what they expect, and unless U r looking into that mirror and seeing clearly what the other person is reflecting U myt have serious issues communicating or expressing love to that person.

Another advice to Ur wife is to tell her that after 10years and some kids she had better get comfortable with U enuf to tell U anything especially about her sexuality and what she wants. She didnt kill U and make away with another man all the while she wasnt loving U so that should mean something. If she could reveal all this to U now then she should feel free to reveal her real self to U.

Truth is as much as her senses and fantasies myt be lying to her that if she leaves U or goes to be with another man she will find happiness, trust me it is to late for her to do so. She has better chances at long term happiness being with U and actively functional in Ur her relationship with u and with her kids in her matrimonial home than she does anywhere else. Lies will blind her eyes and until she embraces reality she's in for a really messed up life and end.

I wish i could meet with the both of U even if it's just once. U both have loads of work to do and the sooner U get started the better.

This is a pretty complicated relationship. Personally I think if I were the woman I'd pray to God to help me lt go of my past and give me the grace to live in the present where I am, if not for my sake, for the sake of the children I have given birth to with the man I never loved.

If I were the man, I'd probably break down and cry a lot till the burden of this confessions lightens off of me, There are few situations as sad as the one he is in however, all hope is not lost. When I'm done with the preliminaries I'd tell her I still love her and am not as concerned for us as I am for the children (I'm from a broken home so trust me I know how parents that fall out can affect a child). With that, she should reason with me and lets decide what to do. If she opts out of the marriage, so be it, and as for custody, one of us keeps the kids and the other has visitation rights, but the kids can go and come here and there as they so choose to provided both parents can tell who they are with (Otherwise the kids myt decide to "use" their newly found "invincibility")

Anyway, Love can be learnt, nutured and enjoyed. One thing is clear, U both need to talk deeply and reslve this and the fewer the poeple that get involved in the resolution process, the better.

Not in this life time. vioWHAT? Can't happen. Me sef never violent finish na chic wey violent I wan dey han with? Cest ne pas possible lai lai.