₦airaland Forum

Fenrir:
After a life war killing and fighting for countries that are mine she puts me at peace and i make her feel safe, secure and loved

I'm not saying you don't deserve happiness, everyone does. You're not hurting anyone (well done for taking care of your late wife during her cancer).

I'm glad she's signing a prenuptial. Protect yourself. Make sure she never comes between you and your daughter.

Women from 3rd world countries are usually survivors and are tough as nails.

There's a saying in Igbo land: "if you're going to eat a frog, eat one that has eggs so at least there's some benefit when people call you a frog eater".

Congratulations on your marriage, dude.

.

Both of you need to meet halfway.

Compromise and communication are the backbone of every marriage.

Best start practising that now.

Tell her to reduce the number of relatives showing up in exchange for either the wedding of her dreams (or even better) the honeymoon of her dreams.

The traditional rites are important, but Nigerians love their egos, her uncle wants to flex his at your expense. Ask your future wife if that is what she truly wants, to see you humiliated for that man's ego.

It's her life, not her family's.

Or you can go the devious way and get her pregnant and suddenly act like you're about to bail on her. It's a shotgun move, but it usually forces everyone to calm down and be reasonable.

So painful!

I wish she had a support system, even the local mosque she attends or Nigerian community to rely on.

The Nigerians in the UK are not very communal-minded, everyone is in their own enclaves and mind their business. Even when they form groups, it's rarely to help out but how to benefit from taking advantage of one another.

Nigerians are not very helpful in general.

If she was Indian, a family would have taken that toddler in.

We need to do better as a society.

Here's a link for BTS shooting on a Chinese drama

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBgyN1_IQlW/?igsh=MWd2azR3bno3eThibg==

There's a line that says "an actor is making love to the camera", it's literally true

Also, one last story:

My friend divorced his wife who was about 7 months older than him, to marry a girl 11 years younger than him.

She had Daddy issues, he is a Mummy's Boy.

The only person happy in that marriage was his mother, as she was finally able to fully control her son and his wife (since they were both not emotionally mature). His Mother was very instrumental in supporting her son to scatter his first marriage, because the first wife was strong-minded.

It didn't matter that they had 3 kids. It didn't matter that the first wife was the one who helped build up her son and push him to success. She was a Stay At Home Mum with a small business, the new babe had one cushy job. So of course, infatuation made her husband call his first wife a "liability" and forget all the things she had done and only remember the things that were bad.

Now, the first 3 kids are superstars and the new wife is jealously stalking the ex-wife's page to try and pick up tips on how to be a better mum.

First wife is balling now. She's moved on finally.

Hubby is there looking for guidance and not trying to be under his mother's thumb. He quietly told me recently that he regrets leaving his first wife.

Mama is very pleased with herself. She finally gets to rule the roost of her son's home, she has power she never had in her own marriage, there.

But now the second wife's own mother is now ready to fight for her child and has said she's moving in January 2025.

So both mothers are about to clash.

And this is a very common story.

Mosdiii:
Thank you very much for the advice

Let me share more about why your mum and I may be on the same page, concerning the age gap.

Because I've experienced it.

My relative had that type of age gap and it didn't matter that the wife was from a wealthy educated family in the 1950s, she was still unsophisticated when it came to her 15 years older husband who had schooled in the UK. It ruined her self-esteem and she withdrew emotionally for decades. He spent his entire marriage cheating on her with older women and more confident women.

Think Charles and Diana.

My friend, 14 yrs age difference with his wife. He said the first 2/3 years were very sweet, but it eventually became boring. His friends would visit and he will ask her to excuse them because it felt like a younger sister was hanging out with them. He said he was happy when babies started coming so it would keep her busy, and give him space. So his ego was getting pampered and he also got distance. Win for him, not for her.

I see several of these types of marriages around me. And those women are usually the ones cheating with their young boyfriends. And yes, married Nigerian women cheat well.

Same thing happens with older men and young babes in Lagos.

Me, I was 41 and a 62 yr old was on my case. I am an extremely intelligent and exposed woman. Yet there was nothing I could say, no wisdom or insight I could drop to impress him. He had heard it all in his 60 years of being on this planet. And he was one of Nigeria's big men, so there was no gift I could give him to make him feel loved. It was almost a Father-Daughter relationship with se.x.
If I had married him, he would have been bored shitless with me.

No self-assured 20-something wants to be married to someone over a decade her senior, who came with baggage of a kid or 2. Not unless she has insecurities or money issues and is looking for a father-daughter relationship. So you'll start out being her hero and stroking your ego. Then as she gets older and more confident, you're ageing and she stops needing you emotionally. So she focuses on her kids and you lack companionship. And that's several men I know.

You can't grow with her and no, you can't nurture her. She doesn't want it (I'm a woman, we're very strong-willed particularly after we've had children, which is a life-changing event).

Your age mate is about 3-5 years older or younger than you. You have things in common. There are insights that she can see, you can't. And vice versa. You grow together.

Companionship is more important in Marriage than anything else. And true companionship starts when the marriage is at least 4 years old, prior to that is the honeymoon stage.

Plus. You're a single dad, you have baggage, she's fresh out the box. She gets pregnant, you're paying for baby items and then getting ready to pay for secondary school (shey you know that schoolfees increases with time, uni being most expensive).

You don't have breathing space to plan with your new family unless you're loaded and even at that, she'll resent it because that money should be focused solely on her and her kids.

Also, you need to parent an older child as well as young kids, not easy. It requires patience (if they had given 26 yr old me a child of 10 to care for, we would hang out for a bit then I would disappear on her because kids are a lot of work). And if you try and force a bond, resentment breeds. And guess where that resentment will go?

Yes, others have done it. But it wasn't easy and required maturity that no 26 yr old can summon up by herself.

So have all this in mind.

Mosdiii:
I am facing the same problem with my mother. I am an only son although I have two sisters. I married early and had a daughter via that marriage although unfortunately that marriage was dissolved because of so many issues. Now I am 39 years old and I have found love again with a 26 year old beautiful lady but my mum has refused me getting married saying why I am in a hurry. I'm so angry. She said if I must marry this new girl she will not come for the marriage

Bros, I support your mother.

That babe is too young but lust and infatuation won't let you see road. 13 years ago difference is not a joke and you don't want to enter and meet another gbese that you can't leave.

Let her stay for a while and vet her thoroughly, how well will she become a Stepmother. You need to think with your head, you're a package deal o.

Young people tend to not be as patient as older people.

Vet this babe.

Mindlog:
He won't get off Nairaland, he will constantly create threads on the same issue every Eke market day and call on the moderators to take it to the frontpage for " wider view and inputs"......he is all about attention-seeking and get his highs from his threads, never about their daughters.

He really doesn't want to be a father or a husband. From the get-go, it was obvious. Especially when you realise he ended his marriage over a flimsy reason and deliberately made a mountain of a molehill. He wanted freedom to play a single man and only wakes up from his irresponsibility and remembers his children in between young, naive babes

He just doesn't want to admit it. Whenever hes judged in real life by people who see through his ruse of pretending to be responsible, he rushes here to sew thread and get his ego stroked that "he's not a foo.l, he's a MAN, he's amazing and that woman is evil".

Let one young girl start giving him sympathy in real life i
or even here, he'll quickly point her to these threads as proof he is a "loving father" whilst removing her pant.

And she will foolishly believe him and get chopped until a wise person points out his inconsistencies.

If he truly wanted reconciliation and his family back, he would have been sitting down in his in-laws parlour by now, making amends.

He could have spent Christmas with his family and be reconciled by Easter 2025.

Nope, by then he'll have another "virgin" (young, naive) babe in his bed and when they break up, he'll resurface to sew thread about getting his daughters back.

I sincerely pray for his ex-wife, may she meet a responsible man who will love her enduringly and committedly. May her life and new relationship be blessed.

Mindlog:
His plan is for his aged mother to be their care givver, his girlfriend(s) can also chip in.😂😂😂

He's a dunce.

In 20 years' time, he'll come on NL to wonder why his daughters don't like him in his old age.

He's still refusing to take good advice. He's waiting for people to continue telling him "na MAN you be! Seize dem! Punish that bvtch!! You'll be driving in your prado jeep, see her on the road looking wretched, splash her poto-poto water and be laughing with your beautiful new babe!!".

Reality is always much more painful and regret gets worse with each passing year.

Just a shame. I pity the poor little girls.

Wo, nobody should answer OP.

He'll just ignore good advice in favour of bad, ego-stroking prideful advice from:

1. NL boys who are suckling babies at Andrew Tate's nipples

2. NL men whom are unhappy and will project their bitterness

3. NL people whom are giving Afodot0022 horrible advice that they will never take themselves in a million years. They're using him as experiment to show their children one day and say "see? Only stupid people are that easily led, you better listen only to your elders or you'll end up like that man".

Since you refused to take sensible advice from people who wanted you to spend Christmas at an eatery together as a family, you'll be doomed to spend it alone. Or worse, with a babe who's only there with you because owu is blowing outside. And you'll be feeling empty on the inside.

And the horrible thing about regret is, it gets bigger and worse every year.

So, let's discuss something more important as we wait for those 3 groups of people with their bad advice to show up and OP happily take it so his ego gets a boost.

Is there any nice and clean beaches heading towards Festac-Badagry side? What's the road leading there like?

Stricker321

PS: let me add this, as an older woman.

Biologically, women's sex drive increases with age. Because we're socially conditioned to view sex as dirty, we spend our teens and 20s being ashamed of sex. By your 30s and 40s, that shame is gone and our hormones are actually pushing very hot.

Speak to older women, Dr's and sex store owners, their biggest clients are wives. Not single girls. I can tell you the names of the best sex vendors in Lagos. My very spiricoco friend can give you prices of intimacy gadgets off her head.

Menses feel more intense and so does Ovulation. The week of Ovulation for me is always horrid, I could jump a man daily. . Far too many of my friends discovered porn in this age (let me tell you this very honestly, if that Balthazar guy comes to Nigeria, he will beyond busy. Even me I watched the video and told my older sister "don't watch those videos, you'll faint with lust".

Heck, I watched one briefly yesterday, love that guy so many wives are secretly watching them .

Yet they're not sleeping with their husbands. Ask yourself why a Hot woman is not banging you. After years of neglect and disrespect on both sides and telling her "don't look at my phone if you don't want to cry".

And decide if you want to believe she hates you or if you want to fix things and be enjoying your lustful, hot, incredibly sex.y wife.

Also, Men in their 40s tend to have their libido taper off (which is why they start exercising and having their midlife crisis and drinking all sorts). Y'all actually need more help medically.

By 50s, women get hot flushes and the period ends and libido tapers. But if they go to a Urologist, they can get Estrogen to normalise things and resume business. Men then need Viagra.

Old people have a lot of sex.

Have a good one.

PS: sexual incompatibility is rare, saying this because I'm related to a Dr who treats it (it's usually medical or psychological). There was a white guy who said his ex-wife was frigid. Years later, he met her new man and was shocked to find out how hot his "frigid" wife was.

Some people know how to drive cars, others just have driving license and can move a car.

As for the physical aspect of sex I'll say this: Naija men are crude farmers, everything is a hoe to then. They literally "smash" and fall asleep in 2 mins.

Sex should be like driving a Toyota camry: you start the car, warm it a bit, then move to 20km/hr then 50km/hr before you enter express with 100km/hr. Slow to medium even strokes, gentlemen, not using the force of Sango, Amadioha and Thor to brutalise person's privates.

You got this, boys 🤟🏽

Gerrard59:
I am glad this topic came up because you have always lampooned men for "cheating", but have never explained why a woman would use sex as a weapon against her husband. If she even agreed to ora.l sex, I can say she don try. But why is everything the fault of the man even when sex - tied to his hormones and prevention of prostate cancer - is now weaponised? How come the man is ALWAYS at fault in your opinion?

If OP has a pot belly or does not perform fore.play, that is his fault, but supposedly he is fit, trim and performs fore.play, how is it his fault? I am genuinely curious, why the Harvard and Oxford writeup for a man whose wife has weaponised sex to the point he has to beg for it?

Morning, bro.

I noticed you tend to jump on some of my comments wanting a debate.

Sorry, but I don't have time for that, as Life is short (for both of us) and my days of debating on NL were over a decade ago.

Everything I wrote and my reasons for saying them are stated clearly in the write-up. Literally mentioned in 2 paragraphs, very plainly. And there's no mention for blame of one party or the other.

That's all.

Everyone, have a great day

Stricker321:
Look, there's no time for these long stories, what is all this about? Just to have sex with my wife?

Yes

If it is too much work for you, please go ahead and do what other men do. Short-term pleasures and quick fixes. Hurt your marriage and home. Side chics plenty and in this Tpain area, the billing will not have Part 2. You'll regret that money wasted by next year, when you need it.

Sha know that when you're 65 and you need help being reminded to take meds to keep you alive, there will be no friends or NL to follow you into your home.

Or put in the hard work now into your marriage and enjoy your Wife-Baddie-Bestie-Lover-Confidante till the day you die. Be whispering sweet nothings after sex and still be able to tell her your inner problems and insecurities in bed and watch her pray for you, the way no side chic can EVER pretend to. See men openly eyeing your Wife-Baddie but be unable to Balthazar her because you're drilling her at home and she's so satisfied, she wants to finish you with love.

Plant a tree today and sit under its' shade one day in the future

Your choice.

All the best.

Stricker321:
How do married men cope with this situation? My wife wants sex like max of once a week. If she can even reduce it to twice a month she will do it. Even the once a week is usually a struggle. At night, she will say she is tired, in the morning, she will say I am disturbing her sleep.

This has caused quarrels, we have discussed, but before the blink of an eye, she has returned to her old way. I am determined not to sleep with another woman, but the struggle has been terrible.

I am just wondering why it has to be this tough and stressful to have access to my wife?

There's this 40 year old book that says "Sex Begins in the Kitchen"



Please read this


Her lack of sexz drive could be stress or anxiety. But it is most likely related to the state of your marriage.

Onegai:
Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

- tell her "Iremide...I don't want to just lead you, I want to be your king. Be my Esther. Look good for me. Please let me pamper you. Let me solve all your problems. The problems you solve yourself, share them with me, so I can praise you. Stain my eyes with your beauty and shake my mind with your wisdom. I love you". Tell her this twice a week. LOVE AND GUIDANCE.

- Look at your flaws and start correcting them. If you can't change, then neither can she. Change starts with you, not with her. Read that again. Go and read the bible, God is very clear whose He holds responsible for the health of a marriage. Change starts with you. SELF-REFLECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY

- Remember, you're the Head of the House, it's actually your job to lead your marriage. The reason so many marriages are unhappy are because men are being irresponsible and women are doing their jobs. RESPONSIBILITY.

There is no such thing as a submissive second-in-command who does all the work whilst Dangote stays lazy. Read that sentence again.

Do this. Work on yourself. Don't expect quick fixes, but start this December (I fit drop list of restaurants and hang outs. Come back and testify next year. Sha don't get pregnant o, because the last couple who did all this, surprise last baby at 46

So, it's upto you. Make your choice.

All the best

Oga, she is in JSS 1

There is PLENTY of time for her to explore her career choices and make a decision for what path to take in university.

And bear in mind that even what you study at uni may have no future bearing on your career path, as I've seen Doctors become successful financiers and Engineers become great bakers.

So please free her. Let her push her Math skills some more and polish up the English skills as far as she can.

zed7:
All that talk of using money to buy loyalty and affection doesn't work. What happens when the man no longer has the zeal or funds to keep impressing the wife?

A good marriage is by luck, whether you like it or not. Most people are just enduring their marriage with no true happiness.

The difference between a Wife and a Side Chick is that one made a commitment to you, when you were growing and the other didn't make a commitment to you but met you, when you were grown.

So you can buy one with money. And that is your side chick.

I come from the generation that saw their fathers marry their side chicks as 2nd wives and every single one of them (walai, I can even bet crypto on this) regretted it. Including my dad and every uncle who did it. It's why my generation of men and the generation before them will cheat but will never leave their wives, we all saw the mistakes of our fathers. It's also why my generation will divorce but won't remarry. I had uncles who remarried and most weren't happy.

Your wife's loyalty is tied to the commitment she made. And when you see a wife who isn't loyal, then she's a bad woman.

A lot of marriages are not happy and it is sad.

There's this account I see on Instagram, @iamdennisagbeti and Pastor Femi Lazarus. If husbands and men can watch their videos and implement just 30% of what they're saying concerning the role of husbands in marriage, I swear to you, your happiness will be complete.

And going back to the original thread,

I hope all men realise that side chicks don't love them.

If you stop giving those babes money, ask them to cook for you and cater to you and move in with them and be dumping all your emotional needs on them and stop taking them out and treat them like your wife...

...those babes will promptly leave your arse.

Those babes are se.x workers, period. That's the only reason they're with married men. Because even though I find men attractive, I'm not planning on dating any because I have Integrity. And those side chicks are willing to act without decency or integrity. So that means they have shitty characters and are willing to do that for one thing only. And it is definitely not a man's sparkly character.

A lot of men are basically falling in love with se.x workers and devaluing their wives for se.x workers.

If you don't believe me, best know that I knew runs girls back in the day who were carrying Politicians and the way these babes used to be rude to those men, their wives couldn't talk like that to the agbayas.

So continue sinning and wasting energy and money on babes that are insulting you behind your back to their smallie friends.

Or go home and love the woman who stayed faithful to you.

Your choice.

OZIOGU1:
Honestly i like your point and submission, marriage is a work in progress, one of the challenge of men who go into marriage is high expectation, it happen to me, i just realized that, expectations are there deliverables may differ...

A lot of us think Marriage is an extension of Dating. So if you date well, you marriage will be smooth-sailing.

It was this year, I opened my eyes and realised that wasn't so. I've seen couples who dated for 4 years of university, 1 year of NYSC and 2 years of work. Married for 11 years and divorced in a blaze of anger, violence and hatred. The 7 years of Dating didn't prepare them for marriage.

I know someone who truly believed his 1st wife was a mistake because they kept fighting. He dated after divorce, met an "angel" and said "this is so easy, our relationship is so stress-free, this is what was missing the first time". Then married her. 8 years later, when the 2nd wife packed out and relocated to Canada, he cried tears of relief and pain. Now he's a better man, focused on being a good father to his kids and has sworn off any more marriages.


I have an ex whom I dated for 3 years, it has been 20 years and we're friends now. I always think "I should have married this guy!". Well, I now know that we would have had our ups and downs, with no guarantee of the future. The only reason I think we would have been happy is because na me fukup end the relationship, so I suffered karma and regretted it after. So hopefully I would have been scared of messing up again. Again, no guarantees that he wouldn't have messed me up.

Marriage is constant work.

zed7:
I had to cut off some of your advice as it was too long. I don't know if you're married or not, but trust me, if he has to go through that stress, then he married the wrong woman.

When you marry 'your own', you don't need all that work. I only wish people can experience what a beautiful marriage is. Anyways, it's not something you plan or strategize for, it just happens. Some call it favour, grace or luck.

There's no such thing as "Marrying your own". What that means is that someone is doing the heavy lifting to keep your marriage working. And it doesn't sound like it's you, bros.

Nothing in Life comes easy. There's no job that is "a great fit" without stress. Your dream house? Well, it requires maintenance to continue being your dream house. Your investments? Same hard work. Your grades? If you like, select the course meant for you. If you don't study, you'll fail.

Everything in Life requires work. And sometimes it is 30% from you, 70% from her. Other times it is 60-40.

The mistake is to think because you're having problems, it means you're incompatible. Because if it were "your own", you won't have problems, bah?

Well, even your parents didn't always love you perfectly and vice versa. So how do you expect a marriage to function based on "na my own"?

I'm married.

I'm just tired of seeing people make that mistake and divorce based on "this is so hard, therefore it means we made a mistake".

My uncle is in his 70s and he admitted that if he had the emotional maturity he had now, his first marriage won't have collapsed. His 2nd wife is okay but hindsight is 20-20.

Someone I know is about to divorce his wife and so many elders have said he'll regret it. I'd never understood why but now I'm beginning to see. And I wish I could knock sense into him, because his wife is now ready to reconcile (even though it was mostly his fault), but he's stubbornly on his high horse.

Fixing a marriage is initially hard work but pays off long term. Starting afresh is initially easy work but omo (and it is very hard to leave 2nd marriages in Nigeria, as you don't want to be seen as the problem. So you'll stay and endure what you couldn't tolerate with your first wife/husband).

I've seen fixed marriages before, where both parties did the work. They're the best marriages. The problem is that in Nigeria, we don't fix, we just tell the woman to go back and endure in silence. Then she and the man hate and resent themselves till they die.

Fix your marriage, work on your flaws first. By your changing, she will change.

A4alpha:
Wow Nothing is new under the surface I must admit because it's as though I'm the one talking here, almost the same experience though mine gives sex no wahala that side but lack basic life necessity when it comes to emotional intelligence, her companionship and support is close to nothing. what she lacks in positivity she made-up in negativity, she's also a smart and happy liar without conscience.

I look good too and dress fairly well but I try not to cheat because I know whoever I cheat with will definitely tag along or show qualities that my wife does not have, which will increase my agitation or hasten our breakup. for over 16years now bro, I have been waiting for her to change but with the looks of things I don't think an adult can change especially those who reject advise and snobs moves that will bring her at par with me.

But I don't want to grow old with her in her condition and also wish to keep her is change happens soonest. CONFUSED!!

Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

- tell her "Iremide...I don't want to just lead you, I want to be your king. Be my Esther. Look good for me. Please let me pamper you. Let me solve all your problems. The problems you solve yourself, share them with me, so I can praise you. Stain my eyes with your beauty and shake my mind with your wisdom. I love you". Tell her this twice a week. LOVE AND GUIDANCE.

- Look at your flaws and start correcting them. If you can't change, then neither can she. Change starts with you, not with her. Read that again. Go and read the bible, God is very clear whose He holds responsible for the health of a marriage. Change starts with you. SELF-REFLECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY

- Remember, you're the Head of the House, it's actually your job to lead your marriage. The reason so many marriages are unhappy are because men are being irresponsible and women are doing their jobs. RESPONSIBILITY.

There is no such thing as a submissive second-in-command who does all the work whilst Dangote stays lazy. Read that sentence again.

Do this. Work on yourself. Don't expect quick fixes, but start this December (I fit drop list of restaurants and hang outs. Come back and testify next year. Sha don't get pregnant o, because the last couple who did all this, surprise last baby at 46

So, it's upto you. Make your choice.

All the best

jaksmillioniar:
some are real

Very few.

And no, don't believe websites who claim a lot. Anyone can lie online.

OP,

They're so fake you won't believe it.

Speaking from experience. I've been on domestic and international film and tv sets. My SiL and friend worked on international (big tv shows and movies and with BIG directors and stars) sets.

So internationally, they now have an Intimacy Coach who will work with the Director, Actors and DOP (camera crew) to figure out best angles to shoot and make things look good and everyone be comfortable. Everything is scripted.

Each kiss scene is shot from different angles.
"Oya kiss from the left for 1 min, cut! Move camera, kiss from the right, cut! Camera is now behind actress, put your hand on the back of her head, now kiss, cut!"

It can take 20 mins for a single kiss scene. The Editor will join everything in post-production and you the audience will be swooning and "oohh and aahhh" later.

Nudity? Perish the thought. They have fake gherkins (fake private parts) that Makeup Dept will put on the actors and actresses.

If an actor catches a erection, remember that like 20 people minumum will be on set at any given time, they will notice and gist and mockery will fly.

What about those sex scenes where they show the actor's faces? Well, it's usually the actor and the camera man, the actor will pose ontop of the camera and the camera-man and be squeezing his face and shaking the bed until he goes "aaahh, oohhh, fake enjoyment, orgasm!". Most times, the camera-man is male

Plus there's so much downtime, as the Grip (people who move lightning and equipment) have to keep stopping shooting to reset everything. Or a plane fly across and Director shouts "cut" in the middle of intense shooting. Or the actress is not feeling the actor or the actor is fighting with his real-life girlfriend or boyfriend and is not in the mood. Or the actor and actress WERE hooking up in real-life and now broke up, hate themselves but have to work together. Or (worst!) Director is banging the actress or her sponsor who is one of the Producers decides to visit the set the day of kissing and sex scenes (in jealousy) and she is carefully kissing the actor same with the actor who may be banging a chick in Wardrobe dept and she's in tears because the kissing is too realistic and in-between takes, he's checking on her.

Plus everyone else on set is hanging around, bored shitless.

Sometimes, to encourage more Intimacy, some Directors ask for closed sets during Intimacy (big stars can ask for this too).

Even shooting p.orn isn't sexy.


You can check behind the scenes videos on YouTube so you can confirm everything I said.

Don't marry a Nigerian person if you don't have Nigerian mentality.

Seriously.

If you as a woman or man have Nigerian mentality and you marry a Nigerian with Nigerian mentality, you'll regret it every day of your life.

Nigerian culture isn't optimised for a lot of good traits. We are very okay with behaviour that the Bible condemns.

I can see the difference in mentality between my brother who grow up abroad surrounded by non-Nigerians versus my Nigerian relatives who moved as adults and still hang out within Nigerian circles.

My brother cannot be friends with someone who cheats on their spouse or is a deadbeat. He will tell you that the person lacks integrity and can't be trusted in other aspects of life. My Nigerian cousins heard this, laughed and called him "naive". Even though he's so crazily successful compared to them, they were looking down on him FOR HAVING MORALS.

And I realised as I get older, that I'm like my brother a lot.

So yeah, that's my regret: marrying a Nigerian.

I think something is happening at school.

Talk to your kid, like everyone suggested.

Then ask if the school has CCTv, you'd like to see his class.

Start looking for a new school though

Afodot0022

Sigh.

This guy, again.

Anyhoo, lots of men have given you very bad advice on your other threads. I think you should take them.

Don't reconcile with her, move on with your life bro! You're perfect and na man you be, she go suffer, ignore your children o jare.


Better go and apologise to her. You kicked her out when you were doing worse yourself. You even moved in with another babe and worse, ignored and didn't care for your daughters.

She may not be apologising for the reason you think.

My classmate was in a similar situation (money entered her husband's head and babes and entitlement followed). Her ex kicked her out. Insulted her family. Slandered her everywhere. All his coworkers, family and friends were told she was a witch, a narcissist, terrible mother, thief, bad character, dirty, useless, gbo gbo.

He even started dating and moved in with his young female coworker. Hot career babe, unlike his stupid wife who married him when he had nothing.

2 and a half years later, he started calming down but pride still dey his head. She apologised to him. His ego was soothed. He thought she was coming for reconciliation.

Na she file 2 months later in court. Her apology was because she had reflected on her part in the marital breakup and wanted to do the right thing. Not reconciliation. She had moved on, peacefully. New man even dey her side.

Better drop your pride. You've spent the last 2 years realising you've messed up, finding out the grass isn't greener outside. But you haven't learned any other lessons so you're going to continue with the rubbish you were doing that led to all this.

So go and work on yourself.

Or continue listen to NL boys.

Divorce her! She's a Love Peddler! Change your Will (as if you get shishi to be writing will for), kidnap your children!

Best of luck to you.

Please take your wife to a Federal Medical Centre or Teaching Hospital ASAP.

Get off Nairaland and do that now.

Your baby's heartbeat may be weakening.

Please

Shokoloko:
You are right. The actual reason that I asked OP that question is because OP does not really want his children. From Op's previous posts, his new relationship is not working out well so he wants to get back to his ex and she refuses. So OP wants to ensure that she is so occupied with the kids 24/7 that she does have the time to find a new partner.
I knew that OP would not answer me because it is not about his children; it is about keeping his ex at home.

They never want their children, it's all to control their ex-wives.

He has found out the grass isn't greener outside but is too prideful to go beg but also is worried that the wife has moved on and he's about to be replaced.

This sort of behaviour is far too common and foolish.

Really, the bible was correct: the spirits of Anger and Pride are demonic spirits. They destroy so much.

Shokoloko:
May I know why you are unable to divorce and file for FULL custody of your kids? She is not available so she is keeping the kids with her parents but you are available.

No family court in Nigeria will award him full custody, he's a single man, the children are young female children and he has admitted to not taking care of his responsibilities for no reason other than pettiness and pride.
All his wife needs to do is move back in with her parents and speak to a lawyer. They've already done 2 years of separation and she can file in Magistrate's court.

No lawyer will lie to him, because they know he'll be ordered to pay upkeep, rent and schoolfees to the parent with primary custody. That's the Law in Nigeria and people get judgements for it every day and take that document to passport offices, banks and more.

The reason Nigerians do anyhow is because they don't settle matters in court or follow the rule of law, but choose to settle their matters by their own hands.

Let everyone go to Ikeja High Court or Igbosere, their eye will clear. Or let FIDA take up this case and write to his employer and tell them what he's done.

If devil wants to use OP, let him go and kidnap those children, he'll sleep in police station. Even mothers get arrested for doing that.

He needs to calm down and drop his pride and anger.

Reading most of the replies from men on this thread...mehnnnn...

I can see why so many of them are sad and lonely in old age.

This is no way to live.

See angry young men running around destroying their lives and that of others. The Bible literally preaches constantly about the destructive nature of Pride and Anger, yet all the Red Pill guys have embraced it and pushed it to the masses.

We are really in the end times.

Where are the sensible older folks (50 and above) to mentor these men?

I just thank God for my family, we had 1 mistake and swore that it would never happen again. My sisters and I would beat up any of my brothers (men over the age of 45 o!) If they follow any of the men's advice in this thread. My mother will ignore her sons and go and look for her grand babies.

Because, how dare you say your pride and anger is keeping me from my nieces or grandchildren, making you not care for them and expect me to support you, are you mad?

I look at my boys and I know if I see them act like this, be you 35 years of age, I'll whoop your arse like you're 6 years old and go and establish a relationship with my grandchildren. As I clearly failed in parenting the first time, I'll make sure those babies don't suffer because of my failure in training their father well.

It is well

Okafor's Law actually works more for the men than women.

A lot of Single Dads would happily show up and sleep with their exes. They're always chyking them. The single mums are very unforgiving once they've gotten over the man. If okada hits their ex, they'll cry and post about it on their WhatsApp status or on Twitter for sympathy, without going to the hospital to check for him.

And if there's another woman involved, it's even worse. The baby mama's pride would never let her touch that man again. Which is why what would sway them to sleep with their exes is money, lots of it.

ICTspecialist:
She's 28, very caring, she got pregnant after being deceived by her ex but after she delivered the baby, dude abandoned her and is currently cohabiting with another woman tho he occasionally calls and sends upkeep to the son and I fear okafor's law might play out anytime she meets with her ex and father of his son
I'm in my early 30's and we're dating and she's being supportive as well, kind, caring and above all respectful.
Well I hope all these characters are not
pretense to get me to marry her and now our relationship and bond has gone indepth.
But I'm scared to tell my friends the lady I'm dating and want to propose marriage to has a son and I'm scared to tell my family as well.
So guys can you marry a single mother?
What's your advise, pros and cons of marrying a lady that has a child from her previous relationship.

How good is your relationship?

Have you guys worked on your flaws, communication skills (very important), pride, anger, trust, forgiveness and compatibility?

If yes, go and marry her.

Love her son like yours.

In my extended family, several men have married single mothers and some have had their ex-wives remarry other men.

Okafor's Law is a myth made up by Nigerians. Because Nigerian women, once they're over you, you better be ready to SPEND before they give you eye again. So if her ex is already cohabiting with another woman, rest assured she dislikes him enough not to want to even kiss him. Even if he comes back to beg, he has to come back with oodles of money to tempt her.

All my single mother friends, when their exes tried to return, ran so far away it was crazy. One even hired fake fiance to chase her ex away. Once a woman is over you, the way her eye will be clear in seeing you, mehnnnn no going back.

If you are worried about what people will say, maybe you shouldn't marry her. Because bros, you should be able to look anyone confidently in the eye and say "and so? E consign u??".

If you're not strong enough to do so, don't marry her. If you are, go on soun.