₦airaland Forum

Maeve7:
Just saw an old thread and thought it would be nice to play again.

Please answer the questions and tag a person to answer them too.

1. What qualities do you admire in people?

2. What is your super power?

3. If you could change one thing about you, what would it be (character or physical trait)?

4. If you could be someone else for one day, who would you like to be?

5. What advice would you give your children or niece/nephew for choosing a spouse?

1. None. Humans are a destructive race. I prefer animals, there is order and logic to their worlds. No animal will wake up and destroy another animal for fun or emotion or for greed, ambition, vengeance etc. And when they do, we call them Dolphins and Pitbulls (naturally psychotic animals and animals bred by humans to be destructive).

2. An ability to go calm, cold and concise when there is serious danger. My mind empties and I am focused. And whatever I do in that moment, I will not regret it.

3. Probably not talk so much.

4. Rihanna. Transfer money from her account to mine.

5. Don't marry a man from the South-South or the North. Especially certain Deltan tribes. And when you marry, don't demand perfection from your spouse, make sure you're giving them your best and insist they give you their best.

I don't know about the Torah, the Koran or any other religious books.

But I do know that the Bible states very clearly in Ephesians 5: 31-31: "A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and the 2 shall become 1 flesh".

That command is given to the Man. Not the Woman. Very telling.

Like I've said on another thread, a woman secures the home, the man secures the marriage. The issues we have stem from the fact that men want to be Head of the House but not be responsible for any part of the marriage, save show up and be served like a king. Which is also against Biblical principles.

And then when you add the fact that the man has no mind of his own and instead of holding the wife and making her his flesh, he makes his mother his flesh (I like what a previous poster said here: an almost incestuous relationship with his mother). It rots the marriage. Because his mother is now carrying 2 marriages on her head: hers and her son. When she's supposed to be in one and one only.

Men, you're supposed to cleave to your wives. Period. No buts, no ifs, no nothing. The Bible is very clear on this.

Women, don't marry someone who doesn't have space in his life for you because he and his mother have already cleaved unto each other and become one flesh. You will stagnate and rot, because you have been cut off from your family and
left adrift.

And a word of caution: they don't write "Mummy's Boy" on the forehead. The 3 I know have such different personalities (one timid and egotistical, another very egotistical yet bumbling, one very in-your-face).

Maybe the only trait I can see they all have in common is that all the men don't take criticism well. So their Mothers' unwavering love and support is always welcome when the whole world is against him (or seems to be).

Also know that, they won't turn all their male children into Mummy's Boys, it will happen to the child who has his life in distress, constantly runs to her for validation and love and is close to her physically.

One such woman, upon realising that she was about to destroy her son's marriage with interference, wisely asked her son to relocate to Canada. And stayed away from him for 5 years.

folake4u:
Apt Ma'am.

Nigerians really don't know their rights.

Whoever forged those documents will face the wrath of the law, especially in a state like Lagos.

I've seen and handled a divorce matter before and truly, Women dey see things for Nigerian men hand.

A lot of Nigerian men are committing Bigamy, not even Polygamy because of this fake Divorce document.

I don't even get why they do it, I heard it's not a cheap document even. Just paying for a worthless piece of paper.

Even at the US embassy, you'll see them submit the fake document and those ones will go and verify the court number and won't find anything. Then your passport gets flagged internally and good luck getting a visa afterwards, ever.

And the worst person that will suffer it will be the side chick. Because that man will wake up and blame her for EVERYTHING, even the choices he willingly made. Which man doesn't like playing the victim?? The shege meted out to the 1st wife will now look like child's play when it's her turn.

Then God help her if she does traditional marriage and the man dies. Automatically the only legally recognised wife is the 1st wife. That's it. All she can beg for is child support via the court.

Bianca Ojukwu (who was even a legal wife) came home to meet padlocked gate once her husband was dead. And she spent 10 years fighting her step-children for properties on behalf of her kids. She's lucky she won eventually. The money she spent on litigation will be enough to pay Ikoyi rent comfortably.

Talk less of one random babe and an Oluwole Divorce document.

Good luck to anyone else wanting to follow that path. Your eyes will peel.

Maeve7:
100 likes! I hope she is strong enough to resist him because he will try to change her mind along the way when sh*t hits the fan.

All of them do!

When their mid-life crisis fog starts to lift, the way they will suddenly back track. Because now their side chic has become a problem, the infatuation glow is fading from their eyes but ego won't let most of them form their mouths to beg their wives.

You'll hear lawyers talk about how the man starts to send more money than stipulated, to the wife. They suddenly want to become great fathers. That's when they'll join a "bible believing church" and be using the Pastor to try and manipulate Madam into settling the matter amicably.

Any love that has you doing crazy shit that people try and tell you is wrong but you don't listen, is bad for you. And is not Love.

See Yul now pulling delay tactics in court (showed up without his lawyer, another time said he was sick). May is not going to save him from himself anymore and Judy will never let him go. Man is stuck.

Alright, here's what you're gonna do!

(If this was a movie, there'd be upbeat tempo music cued here )

Step 1: DOWNLOAD THAT FAKE DOCUMENT, SAVE IT AND SAY NOTHING TO THE I.DIOT. No reply, nothing. Don't tell the enemy your plan.

Step 2: get the best wig you can muster, get your nails done, get makeup did, get 3 perfect outfits, I don't want to see ankara, go and find out what May Edochie, Anita Okoye is wearing. Be inspired! You need to take 3 different pictures and upload it like it was different days, on your Facebook page. Your captions should be light and airy, you must look like you're living your best life. Post one with your little sweetheart, make sure her hair is done and she looks amazing.

Why? Because when this shi.t blows up, people will rush to your page to check you out. You have to come correct, so they can shout "Ah Ahnnn, see the lovely family this man threw away, he is useless!!"

Step 3: go to Twitter/X and post this story and that document there. Mention his govt name, Mention the fact that this started because your child got defiled. Tag the popular female accounts there. Ask for a lawyer.

All the so-called "Angry, Bitter" Feminists will get pissed and retweet it. And everyone will go and look for his FB page to drag him.

Step 4: get the most serious lawyer you can. Not charge and bail, which is why I said Twitter. Run a Twitter search with the word "Divorce in Nigeria", look up who posts on it and make sure you tag them all to your thread.

They see this kind of fake documents a lot and will tell you that it is a criminal offence. The clerks who do this tend to get in trouble and get reported.

The only reason it keeps happening is that Nigerians don't know the law and don't Google or speak to a lawyer, even the educated ones.


Make sure you keep this copy of a fake divorce. You will need it in court after the 2 years have passed and your filing (you're going to be the Petitioner) because you're going to go after his job for child support and custody. He committed a crime, he can't get joint custody, you're filing for sole custody. This will allow you make plans such as japa and anything serious without waiting for his input.

But yes, you will allow him visit his child. Why? Because you're a good person and you want your child to see for herself that her father is useless, don't tell her, let her see it for herself.

Oh and one last thing: Once a lawyer is involved and you may have gotten a document from the court stating that his fake marriage dissolution paper doesn't exist, attach both documents and email it, plus a short explanation and full govt name, to all the embassies of countries that Nigerians tend to japa to: UK, USA, Germany, Canada etc. If you have a copy of his passport dat page, add it as well.

Also, have someone monitor his page and that of the babe. In case they're daft enough to attempt to get married, you need evidence of Bigamy. Which yes, you should inform the church he attends of and yes, that is a criminal offence under the Penal Code of Nigeria. You can even get police to harass him on his fake wedding day in front of the guests (you should )

You're doing that for fun

MsJackson:
he already divorced me. I received the papers yesterday on WhatsApp. Dissolution of the marriage. Everything happened from March till June, signed and stamped by a judge of the high court. No papers were served me, no notice, NOTHING. just a document telling me it has been dissolved. It all happened behind my back, without my knowledge. This same year the separation occurred.

Eh?

Eh?




JESUS BE PRAISED!

GIRLLLLL!!!!!

WHOM THE GODS WANT TO DESTROY, THEY FIRST RUN MAD.

You are NOT divorced.

However, your Not-An-Ex-Husband is in trouble. Like in, "How long do you want him to be arrested for and how much do you want him to settle at Police station" trouble.

The Law of Marriage Dissolution in Nigeria is clear and absolute.

1. Neither Party to the Marriage can file before a Separation of 2 years has been completed. No ifs, no buts, nothing.

2. The Petitioner must serve papers to the Respondent notifying them of the legal process.

No judge in Nigeria will sit and pass a decree of Dissolution on a marriage where the respondent had no idea. That's begging to be disbarred. My cousin's wife abandoned him years ago to the US and she still had to be notified via email of the process. You have to show up in court because Nigeria doesn't do No-Fault Divorce, both of you must accuse each other of something, anything.

3. No court sits that fast in Nigeria. And in Marriage Dissolution, there must be a Decree Nisi given and then 3 MONTHS after if there is no change, a Decree Absolute. Only when you get that Decree Absolute does it mean you are legally divorced.

Unless you did only Traditional Marriage o, but if you did Court Wedding those are the steps to end a marriage. Even Customary Court has their own steps and do it with Magistrate. And you didn't get married under Islamic law.

What that Id.iot did was what a lot of FOOLISH NIGERIAN MEN have been doing for a while now:

He paid a clerk at court to fake divorce documents and get a corrupt judge to fake-stamp it.

IT IS ILLEGAL.

YOU ARE NOT DIVORCED, YOU ARE VERY MUCH MARRIED.

Don't believe me, ask any Lawyer. Google it!

These foolish men are banking on the fact that Nigerians tend to be ignorant of how Nigerian laws work.


So, in my next post, amma tell you what to do.

Maeve7:
Words mean different things to different people so who is a mommy‘s boy?

I have an uncle who is in his 50s and has a very close bond with his mother. He visits her (a widow) almost every day and goes out of his way to make her happy.

The mother stays out of his marriage. She and wife have a good relationship.

Not everything must be a problem.

But your Uncle isn't a Mother's Boy.

He loves his mum but put boundaries around his marriage.

A Mother's Boy has zero boundaries. His Mother makes all his decisions, including the ones that will affect his children. His Mother defends him, even when his other family members think he's making a mistake.

She's not doing it out of love, it's usually damaged women that create Mummy's Boy out of their sons. Because of their trauma from other parts of their lives, they are desperate to protect their children at all costs. So they smother them with an unhealthy love. And it chokes everything in their child's life.

A traumatised, emotionally unhealthy woman who hasn't worked on her issues will cling desperately to her children. She will create a Mummy's Boy.

A lot of Mummy's Boys tend to create Daddy's Girls, they're usually always looking for a voice of a woman to put in their heads because it is empty.

They always have several female friends who like them like crazy but never marry them. Those ones are looking for men to lead them in marriage, they don't want to be the ones leading the marriage and they certainly don't want to be fighting for DStv remote with their MiL (I swear, my Aunt did this to her DiL, I was ashamed when I heard it, my mum had to tell her to please go to her own home and leave her son alone).

I have 2 boys. I don't even want anyone to call the youngest of them "Mummy's boy" and he's literally a baby. He can come and ask me for advise any time but I would be upset if I were the loudest voice in his head as an adult. That space belongs to God, then me and his father (when he is a child), himself and a few trusted friends (as a young adult), then himself and his wife (as a settled adult). Your Self must always be a strong voice in your mind.

Kpboy1:
Alright, I have thought of a quick alternative if you're open to it. How's your visa arrangement going?

Sure, hit me up

Kpboy1:
Alright, I have thought of a quick alternative if you're open to it. How's your visa arrangement going?

I guess fine...

Sure. Hit me up

Firstly, almost all the previous posters before me, on this thread, need to put down the glass of water and red pill in their hands. Put it down. And go touch grass.

OP, let me share with you a very true story of a Marriage to a Mummy's Boy.

This young fellow with spendthrift qualities married a frugal, street-smart babe with dual citizenship.

One day, she saw his Mother call frequently and tell him "do this, do that". Her husband refused to tell her why. She forced him to. He said someone contacted his mum and offered to set him up with a govt job. His wife immediately said it was a scam. Hubby disagreed, so wife set a trap. Yes, it was a scam.

Husband was struggling financially. Wife saw scrap of paper with a Pastor's account number on it. His Mother sent it to Hubby. Pastor saw sheep to fleece and fleeced accordingly.

Wife told Hubby: "listen, Nigeria is in meltdown and I have dual citizenship. Can I file for you, so we relocate easier than everyone else who is writing exams to japa? You'll get a great job and be settled eventually". Husband agreed. Then later told her to cancel plans. His Mother said he should not relocate, because the marriage will end (as per the wife will be in charge and not her her son).

Mother decided to help her son find a correct job, instead and she did. Very nice salary. But remember what I said Hubby's quality was? So with all that money came a lirru madness. Babes started entering Husband's eye and before you could say "they're all golddiggers, run!", Husband chased his wife and children out for one of the daughters of Jezebel. But he did it craftily: he got his Mother to fight the wife and her family for him.
His Mother realised only too late. Now she hasn't met her youngest grandchild and her son is fully off the rails. Daughters of Jezebel have even convinced him that his wife is a thief and why the f should he pay schoolfees.

His Mother is now checking his (ex) wife's WhatsApp status updates, too proud to approach that one and join hands together to save her son. Because she has realised that Daughters of Jezebel are not fools or foolishly in love like the wife, they WILL make sure that after Wife is out, the next person to get rid of is Mother.

At least, Wife was more biddable. Daughter of Jezebel will tell Husband "your mother needs to be informing me before she comes to visit". And Mother will not be able to fight, before everyone says "oh, you're now fighting the new wife? You still won't leave your son's marriages alone? Can't you go and find something to keep yourself busy, this old woman?"

A Mummy's Boy is a Man who is easily led and influenced by the voice of the loudest woman in his heart. And sometimes, that voice is not just his mother's voice, it could be one of his female bestie or the girl outside who saw a ready-made man, Nigeria's crumbling economy and played her cards ruthlessly (she probably said to Husband "I love you, but I can't be with a married man" and that one, supercharged on infatuation, lust and mid-life crisis, threw his wife and kids out.
However, he foolishly assumes the Daughter of Jezebel will want to play Stepmother to his 3 young children from Day 1 of his new marriage. Leemao).

He has no mind of his own.

This lack of mental strength has destroyed families and empires.

And that's why you don't marry A Mummy's Boy.

Kpboy1:
Yes I am. Hope you're as well. My opinion: there's a somewhat balance between emotion and logic, it's like a two edged sword...I feel you blended it well in how you perceive and interprete life...wish I could go through most of your posts on male/female relationships... happy to send a Inbox if that's okay. Good evening.

I don't have access to my email account I used on this forum, anymore.

Kpboy1:
I like your submission, captivating and intuitive. So in Iceland and Greenland sex workers are scarce to offer mostly men one night stands or quickie on request? Thanks

I don't know about sex workers.

What I do know is that Nordish countries (Finland, Greenland, Iceland) tend to have very close equality laws and society. So most people pays bills 50:50 in marriage, men do a lot of chores in marriage and divorce isn't a stigma over there. Relationships aren't started to help someone financially.

Germany isn't playing.

Last year, they had Border Patrol on planes to check and ensure that passengers on Luftansa have their passports, before being allowed to enter the airport, after your flight.

The whole world has slowly been moving away from mass migration for the last 6 years (I remember noticing it back then in the USA and predicting it would spread globally).

Nobody wants mass migration, not Asia, not Europe, not Oceania, not the Americas.

Africa is messed up because we're still acting like all is well. Only a few countries have seen the writing on the wall and are preparing their countries for this. Nigeria is definitely acting like all is hunky dory.

If you're planning on emigrating, this year is the best time to leave. Next year, it will get worse globally. Even if the Dems win in the USA, they'll still slow down migration.

MsJackson:
JESUS! WHO ARE YOU? An Angel God sent to comfort me this early morning. I woke up to this. How can I thank you for this? The tears i have cried for 8 months since the discard, I have never cried it in all my 40 years of existence. God knows how I begged and begged from one relative to another, from his sisters to his parents and to even his sisters husbands. They are in on this whole plan because they ALL turned their back on me and blocked my numbers on their phones, based on what their son told them. Not one time did they ever call to hear my side of the story, and when I tried contacting them, they told me, NOT AVAILABLE. I attended a convention some days back and the whole family were there, including the new girl. She was literally hanging off the arm of my estranged husband. He knew I was coming because the daughter told him before now. The family all sewed the same clothes, plus the girl. You need to see the way they were flaunting her. I went to the toilet and wept my eyes out. Only for me to get home and see on my daughter's phone what he uploaded on his WhatsApp for our friends to see. He posted that God should save him from a monitoring spirit. And he posted ABOKOKU. If you understand yoruba, you'd know the meaning. Fresh tears. You replaced me already, why still humiliating me in public? The depth of wickedness this man and his family are meting out to me is unfair. I made mistakes, why do I have to die for them? If God acted that way towards we that offend him daily, who will survive? A lot has happened that I won't have time to go into. Just know that whoever you are ONEGAI, my God sent you. My thank you will never be enough.

Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

zemaye:


Onegai i miss you
I love everything about this post

Thank you. Hope you've been good.

Kpboy1:
Wow long time back, you're an amazing person lol ...not wishing to take you back this memory...I stumbled on the advice to "married lady needing se.x" not sure how I feel but your writeups and relatable. Nice meeting you. I'm largely anonymous on social media

Hello, hope you're good.

I swear, Humanity is such a foolish race than God must shake His head in disbelief at our foolishness.

The way we needlessly destroy our lives is amazing. We spend our old age full of regrets because Time has shown us our foolishness.

Which is why I would never allow my sons to ever complain about their wives to me. If it is not proven Domestic Violence, I don't wanna hear shi.t. Go and tell her mother. Your wife can come and complain about you to me, too.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is validate or influence their son to hurt their grandchildren.

There's no amount of prayer and forgiveness that will stop God's wrath on falling on you when you do so. You must face the consequences.

That's why Prosperity Gospel is so annoying, we need to be preaching the Old Testament so you'll see how God kept dealing with people who mess up. You reap what you sow. God is a God of Righteousness and Justice, nobody gets away with anything no matter how it looks from the outside.

I've got far too many male relatives spending their 60s/70s in regret to allow myself come between my son and his wife. Even the ones that remarried will tell you that if they had emotional maturity, they'd never have divorced.

There's a reason God hates divorce in the Bible, go and read up Malachi 2: 13-17. There's a reason God literally told men "I hate divorce, don't leave the wife of your youth". How incredible it is that our Heavenly Father addressed His remarks on Divorce TO MEN! Even Jesus said "your hearts are hardened but whomever divorces his wife and remarries commits Adultery", HE WAS TALKING TO MEN!!

Wives are supposed to keep their homes, but Husbands are supposed to keep their marriages. Because you can't be the Dangote in your marriage and expect the Chinese engineers to secure the NNPC deal or let the Nigerian staff find crude oil to refine, that's your job, you're the Head of the House, the buck stops on your table. Everyone's (your wife and kids) job is to follow your leadership, Dangote.

Nigerian men are so effed up because they keep breaking this covenant with God and thinking it will work out well, ogbeni...
IT NEVER DOES! YOU'LL BE 65 WITH SILENT REGRETS, TRUST ME!!

They need to take the mic from these banger boys podcasters, red pillers and Pastors and give it to 70 year old men. Because when you're done seeing their lives, you'll be terrified as a man and delete all your side chics and spend your days researching how to love your wife and bring the spark back into your marriage.

Do you know what it is to be 70 and making yourself uncomfortable following your wife to omugwo, because you know you messed up all your marriage and are scared she'll leave? Do you know what it is to have adult kids who don't talk to you, your wife has spent years of resentment and is now living her life separately so you're always indoors or walking alone on the street, lonely? Do you know how common and silent male depression is? Do you know how many men have died on top of their side chics, their last moments in fright, not surrounded by love and grief from people who care, because the side chics always panic and protect themselves, they'll be screaming upandan inside of cradling your head, showing you love and sorrow as you leave this life.

Why are your Pastors not preaching this??


/rant over

OP

Right now, you need to get a pretty good job. Ensure your accommodation is very good too (if you need to move in with your parents, stay there). If you have your family's support, do so.

Accept any amount he sends for upkeep without a murmur, document all your conversation with him (no calls, just texts or emails).

Make sure you never badmouth him to his kid. The few, infrequent times he will attempt to play at Daddy and visit his kid, ensure you allow her meet her father without complaints to him. Show him a calm demeanor and a beautiful exterior. Document every visit.

You have 2 years from Separation to Divorce. That's the Law. You can't file until then, neither can he. Go to a lawyer for more information.

Most courts will NOT award custody of a girl child to a single father, they will favour the mother. Unless he remarries and then you have to prove that your home is a safe place and you're more than capable of caring for your child.

Get a cheap phone, give him the no and politely tell them that should he ever wish to speak to his daughter, he can either call you or use that line. (He won't call it more than once).

Take your eyes completely off him. Your mind will be harder. Try and go for counselling, to heal and to reflect upon your own mistakes. So you don't repeat them again.

I wish you the best.

Now, let me face that oloriburuku you married.

He's an as.shole, he and his family knew what they were doing. They are willing to destroy your marriage because he never valued you and they want to protect their se.xually abusive niece. That girl he's dating, oh boy she's in trouble. Her chi isn't working, if it was she would never have fallen inside calamity. He's not going to marry her, she's the first of numerous girlfriends. If he marries her, then she doesn't have a praying mother. You will see him looking happier than you've ever see him flaunting his new gf/wife, his family full of praise for her, loving her like they never loved you.

Cry into your pillow, show a stoic face, dress well, smell delicious and give them no quarter. Go out and date.

In about 3-5 years' time, that rat bas.tard will start sniffing around you again under the pretext of checking on his child. YOU MUST NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. If you do, Amadioha will laugh and know he can destroy you. You serve a Living God, He removed them from your life neatly.

They'll notice that the stability you gave him in his life is not there (married or not). Even if he looks happy, he's not really happy. So he's acting for the world to see, so that nobody says "I told you so".

Second marriages tend to be worse because the useless party involved in the first marriage rarely ever learns from their mistakes, so they repeat it. Only that the "Peerless Queen" 2nd wife is usually ready to deal shege with him and his family. So trust me, his family will grumble that "this one is not even as tolerant as the one we pursued out".

He'll repent and regret in leisure. No, he'll never admit it (his ego is too big). He will want you back (no, he still won't have learnt his lessons). Which is why he will suddenly become a "Good Father", checking on his kid frequently. No dear, he's keeping tabs on you and also trying to audition for you, that he's a great guy and your issues before were just "silly little misunderstandings".

You will probably never get an apology. Don't wait for one. He will definitely express regret, but never to you. Only a very brave and strong man will look you in the eye and admit his fukup.

Which is why you should move on with a vengeance. The best revenge is a Life well lived.

I'm saying all of this because this sort of story is as common as pure water. And it always plays out like this, rarely does it deviate. The only deviation is that sometimes, the wife take the husband back.

The Bible is the book of Life because if you read the Old Testament, you'll see humanity's innate desire to constantly self-destruct from time to time (think the Israelites or the prodigal son). We can't help it, we can only ask God to give us the strength to overcome the need to use our own hands to destroy our lives. I've self-destructed, everyone has (made mistakes that derailed us for such a long time, we hold regrets forever). You have self-destructed, now this is your ex-husband's time to self-destruct.

But you shouldn't. Because he was willing to side with his family against his own child.

I wish you the best.

Good morning.

Look up Nefe's Corner on Instagram.

And DM her.

"@Nefescorner"

Konquest:
Whoa... I'm one of those men who knows full well that most women are NOT prudes. While I'm in sync with getting a "sex aid," or something to that effect if it's absolutely necessary for a woman to manage the raging monthly or cyclical hormones, I don't agree with the first paragraph of your post that I've highlighted above because of it's diminishing effect on a woman's image. You can't be jumping from one man to the other as a single mother and expect men to treat you with RESPECT. Some men share with their male club buddies, the wild sexual exploits they have had with the women that they do NOT love and RESPECT.

That can be societally diminishing for a woman because she is gonna be viewed as a "slut" and that hinders her chances of getting a genuine man whose gonna love and respect her as a single mother and eventually get married to her if that's what both of them really want. To each his own. Period.

Good morning,

Let's try some comprehension, shall we?

I said this in my comment, which you highlighted:

"Have a guy for chatting and gisting, several guys even. Keep one for business."

What does the above sentence imply please?

A. Sleep with several men
OR
B. Have friendly, casual relationships with different men, but keep only one for se.xual needs

What do you think, please? A or B?

Thanks.

LVStone:
Hello everyone,

I am married for five years now and I love my marriage.

I have an issue and I need your advice on how to detach myself from being emotionally connected to my wife.

She mostly have mood swing and I use to have issues attending to her emotions, I want to always at each time check what exactly as gone wrong and how I can fix.

Most often I apologize because I want peace(she picks fault easily and gets angry)

The worst is that we do have sex but we mostly don't make love

You talked about her having a very strong body odour that just developed. And she's withdrawn. She's moody. Lightning-fast emotional changes. Easily irritable.

Quick question: what state are you? And how old is she?

Because if you're in Lagos, here's what you should please do for me:

You're going to take her to General Hospital, Odan Lagos Island. You'll ask to be referred to the Psychology Dept for counselling. Based on what they see, they may refer you to other depts.

Because what you're describing about this lady sounds medical.

Now, I'm no Dr but I am surrounded by a lot of them and I hear things. Which is why I'm asking you to ignore every single post on this thread, save for mine. (Almost all of them are so bad every poster should be taken outside to the back of Mushin and shot).

I think she has a medical condition. Don't tell her you're going to Psychology, tell her you want to take her to General Practise (because of the odour, that you read something alarming and you're afraid she's very sick).

Both of you need counselling. Indivual and Marital counselling. GH can offer individual, get it done. Marital can come from a sensible church, like HOTR, Daystar etc.

Take things slow. Tell her you love her and she's your responsibility, so you need her to be her beautiful pinchomous self again.

But insist on this, because your needs are not being met. And I suspect that she switched off emotionally from you and that you also had something to do with this.

Don't cheat and don't divorce (grey or otherwise).

You can try and fix this.

HTH.

bukatyne:
Wow!

Happy new years!

Where have you been?

Happy new years to you too.

Glad to be alive, trust you're doing well too.

Truth is, Nigeria is a poor country and you can't expect Poverty-Capital of the world to produce morally acceptable social mores.

So Marriage here is like War and Survival. Not Love.

Then you guys get to country that isn't in Survival mode and your spouse can actually afford a living. And you're not ready mentally for the mindset shift you need to go from War to Peace.

It's the same way someone brought up in Mushin will always be hungrier than someone brought up in Park view Estate. You can't blame them, Mushin was rough but now they have to adjust to Ikoyi.

And yes, some women do abuse the system abroad and make frivolous reports.

Stop fighting yourselves. You're now equals. Start thinking less like Lord-And-Servant and more like CEO-And-CFO. Both of you integral to each other's success.

And for those thinking marrying from another race is the solution, hoooo boyyyy!

Listen, Oyinbo people think they're God's gift to humanity. They read the Bible and believe that the chosen Israelites are Caucasian (hey, they're at the top of food chain racially).

Which means, no matter how much they love you, they will always look down on you.

And the day you forget yourself and presume to think you're on the same level as Tiffany, your pretty oyinbo wife, is the day she will remind you that you're a black monkey in her subconscious. She will love your little biracial babies yet remove them from you, lest they be tainted by your negritude.

Just go and ask your brothers married to them why they're they submissive spouse and are shooting videos all over TikTok, "My oyinbo wife tries Egusi soup for the first time!"


Think I'm lying? Go ask on Twitter what happened between Paul Graham and Nigerians. Man complained about using verbose language that sounds like AI, we challenged him and the superiority that flowed out of him, mehnnnn.

Every race has their wahala. But you're Black, which means that nobody respects you in the general scheme of things, save for another Black person. And then you now add in country and Ethnicity and you then see how disdainful other African countries are of you (they're only marrying you in the US/UK because Finance, Finance, Finance. Nigerians are usually the richest Africans subgroup in the diaspora).

Manage your expectations, Love your husband, love your wife. You're her CEO, she's your CFO. You both need to be on point to succeed.

thorpido:
Hi.Didn't know you're still here.

Hallo!

I finally remembered my password. How have you been?

Gerrard59:
OP,

Take this advice from Onegai. Any advice she dishes out is gold-plated, trust me. It is like McKinsey's consulting advice. It does not come every day. Who sees Onegai frequent Nairaland? Trust me OP, I no fit lie give you.

---

That said, with this revelation, I hope everyone agrees that it is hard to find a financially comfortable man who practices strict monogamy aka does not cheat, especially as he ages. Whether home or abroad, it is HARD.

Good luck to women looking for a pin in a haystack.

Rich men cheating is really about buying a product. The poorer the society, the less morals its people can afford. Which is what infidelity is in Nigeria: poverty-alleviation program. It's only daft immature guys who believe their Affair Partner loves them seriously.

Which is why I'm always irritated when I see Yul Edochie and Rude Boy (P-Square). I've spoken to my male relatives their age and older and they're all in unison:

"God forbid I impregnate any girl or start raising any baby at age 40+, when I should be getting ready to finally enjoy my money".

Especially that Yul Edochie. Man is going to one corner of his neighbourhood to weep silently.

You always know when they're full of regret but their ego won't let them go back (so that they don't become laughing-stock): that's when the public show of love with the new babe will be plenty. Serious flaunting. just know the tears cried into their pillows are hot. The babe herself will be doing extra to cover up the growing feeling that she messed up but is now stuck with an older man and if the ex-wife doesn't give a shi.t anymore, then she has nothing to motivate her and feed her own ego.

You think I'm lying? Look at Bianca Ojukwu or any other woman in that setting. They know that not only are they wasting their prime with an older man, but the minute he croaks, his older kids are coming for even her pots and cutlery that he bought her. Wounded cubs turn into vicious adult lions.


Go to countries like Russia and Eastern European countries, those babes are not marrying for love, they're hardened. Same with Asians.

Iceland and Greenland have the lowest infidelity rates, because they're countries where opportunities for men and women are somewhat equal. So as your man dey step out, you too are following suit.

PS: thanks for the kind words.

Optimistic4life:
This option is definitely not in the picture at all.

He said I am free to remarry if I want but we aren't divorced and also remarrying isn't a day's affair nor a joke.

Hun

Check out adult stores in your location.

Also, go and date. Date, not for remarriage, but for physical pleasure. Meet a man you like, make sure he's safe and discreet and take care of business. Have a guy for chatting and gisting, several guys even. Keep one for business.

Keep serious dating on the back burner for now.

Keep them all from your kids.

That's what men do in your situation and that is what you should do, too.

Move on, m'dear.

And here is the truly beautiful thing (forget, I've seen this happen too many times, I can bet crypto on it sef):

Once you're dating and moving on with your life, that your ex is suddenly going to want to come back, stylishly.

Why?

Because you're peaceful, relaxed and busy. You're not fighting him anymore, you're not bitter, you're not keeping the kids from him. You don't care if he's trying to annoy you or flaunt his new gf in your presence, he is no longer important.

His Limerence and his Mid Life crisis is eventually slowing down. The brain fog in his head is clearing. You're looking good, smelling nice and he can see you through the eyes of other men, you look fu.ckable again.

You're comfortable yet excitingly new.

But please, don't take him back. Don't ever let him come back. If he was dumb enough to leave you, be smart enough to let him go.


And if you think that I'm making this up, that nobody wants a single mum of 3: Nne, go and baff up, do makeup, wear one lovely dress that announces your singleness (you know what I'm taking about, you need heels too) and snap a good pic and upload it to Facebook.

You're about to realise how many of your male uni and secondary school classmates always hoped for a chance with you. And they are usually an upgrade to your ex-man.

The same thing happens with men who were dumped by babes. They stop grieving and start taking care of themselves and suddenly their exes want to come back.

And one last thing: don't feel old.

Mature, rich guys (especially those in Abuja and Lagos) don't like small girls of 24 yrs, they're too young for them. All the big boys, bank MDs, Governonrs, Ministers and Oil big boys are carrying 35 years and older.

Why? Because you're discreet (you have kids, so you're not fighting their wives and aren't planning on trapping them with babies), you're secure in your skin and you're eager for se.x (no need to pretend like you no like am or act like a virgin). Those 20 yr old babes are busy doing Snapchat with him, you, OTOH, have been trained via marriage: you know you will ask him if he has taking his BP meds and listen to him complain about his son's marriage and admire his grandkids. You'll even Like his wife's inspirational posts on IG and be respectful to her. You are not planning on destroying his life, so they are very safe with you.

Na now your market go sell.

I have classmates that are 43, living in a nice flat in Chelsea (UK), being sponsored by people you read about in newspapers. The 25 yr old babes flaunting on IG are for immature Mid Life Crisis guys in their early 40s (who just started collecting N2m/month from an IOC), that want to feel young, all the girls can get is N400k and "thanks" from the serious big men.

Start dressing up and spending 2 hours every weekend on the island, in strategic bars. Something go click.

I am speaking from experience.

Trust me!

Hey, wanna talk?

tatacherie:
Oh wow! So nice to read you
I really miss your posts here

Thank you for saying that.

YmodulusBabe:
.

Hello, I saw your mention but I don't have access to my email. Still trying to remember my way around this site.

What's up?

Hi @YmodulusBabe

I don't have access to my email.

What's up?

tatacherie:
Hello
Trust you're good
I really miss your posts

Hello

It's been a while. Trust you're good too.

tatacherie:
Hello Onegai
Trust you're good
I really miss your posts

Hello

It's been a while. Trust you're good too.