₦airaland Forum

I like pittbaby's idea. You can set up a way to rank them from feedback that you get. In that way if someone wants to see who has more stars they can come on this forum and check it out.
From what you described it does not say dubious to me but rather lazy. Nobody wants to spend a whole weekend looking for a house that was not even what they requested.

Why does he have to give her anything. Na wa for "relationships" these days. Is he her father? Your friend has serious issues for giving her an allowance especially when he does not work.

Fhemmmy:
It is not same at all . . . . I have seen a lady and i am damn serious that was seriously beaten by her husband and she went to the police station and lo and behold the man was arrested and was behind the bars for some days, so tell me what was the difference, is it not same Nigeria and same culture?
Like you said, the parents of the woman might even screamed and halla, and these are some of the reasons why some fools with balls disguising to be a man would take advantage of something like that.
i know a woman in the western world that the husband will beat up with belt and yet her parents from freaking back home is telling her "Pele", i think that is lunacy and better for the women to stand up and reject if they think it is bad, cos i think it is annoying.
I beg, lemme get out of here before i start showing how angry i get when i see such.
how cld a man beat his wife and go to same woman and ask for food or at night now wanna have intimacy with her. . . . .kai, that is an animal brain

What happened after the man left. Did they make sure that he provided for his wife if she left and also the children. I can bet you nothing happened after he left. He probably went back home and if she decided to stay it just continued from where he stopped. If she left he did not provide a thing to make sure that she and the kids are taken care of. Anyway lets agree to disagree. I think the issue is that it seems so heinous to you and you are having a hard time accepting it.

I cried. The little girl calls him Daddy like that was his name LOL. I feel for them. I really hope the family just fill them with love and protect them from vultures. It is obvious that they loved their father dearly

LOL. Fhemmy that is the same as acceptable. IT IS THE EXACT SAME THING. Why would a woman bother going to court when she knows that at the end of the day she cannot have a guarantee that if she leaves she will ever see her children again, she will be ostracized by society, her own family might even accuse her of bringing shame to them. It is the same as acceptance my dear. It is condoned so it is accepted. It is a tough pill to swallow I know.

Fhemmmy:
This is not a matter of a Nigerian man thing.
Italian men dominate their women
American man will rather kill the woman while pregnant and cute her into pieces and dump them into the rivers.
Please note that i am not and will never be in support of men beating their wives, however, i dont think we need to label Nigerian men as wife beaters, cos all nationality are guilty.

Fhemmy your argument is seriously flawed. It is so not the same. Every culture views that woman as the weaker sex. Most Nigerian cultures says it is okay to abuse your wife and that is the right of the man as a husband. If the wife is "disobedient" then the husband can "teach her a lesson". Physical abuse is not a reason to leave a man and should the woman decide to leave she better not consider taking those children. If she decides to stay and he brings in another woman she should swallow her pride and respect the man. After all it is his house and she is just like a piece of furniture. That is your culture.
Now let us talk about other cultures. If the man chop craze and hits his wife he goes to jail. Depending on what he does for a living he can even lose his job. He most likely will lose the kids if he was extremely violent and will pay child support and maybe even spousal support depending on the situation. Most male children are taught right from time to pull out chairs for ladies, hold the door open when a lady is coming through etc. If a man chop winch and brings another woman into your house you call the police and have the woman thrown out and if she comes back she goes directly to jail, she does not pass go and she does not collect 200.00.
So given that I know you are smart and I know you will be honest with yourself, how can you say that Nigerian men will not have a tendency to be more aggressive and primitive toward women. It is the fact. You cannot fix something that you do not acknowledge. It is there. Let us fix it. The Nigerian men out there who choose to do things differently are the exception and not the rule. This is Nigeria baby. That's how things are and most of the men like it that way.
The examples you gave in the US happen of course. The US is not Utopia. Shit happens. There are bad people everywhere but like I said and took my time to explain you argument is flawed. love ya

Tsiya:
It is a law in most countries that your next of kin cannot be your spouse. Even in Nigeria. So if most of you do not know, better start looking for your next of kin from today.

What country please

aloy-emeka thank you. It is a shame. Most Nigerian women do not trust their husbands and then men do not value their wives. They will make their brothers or their "first son" next of kin first. Our people are just in denial. Marriage this. Marriage that. They think that just because they stay married they have achieved. You cannot even trust your husband with your money but yet you claim to be married. These are the kinds of women that hold their sons hostage even after they are married. One even said her sons wife will not "dare" touch the money. Tomorrow she will say she did not scatter anything. If you have the mentality that whatever your son has his wife has why would you say his wife will not dare. The other ones saying their daughters cannot have it have already given their daughters the impression that they cannot make a sensible decisions and that their brains are only as functional as their husbands want it to be. SMH. You cannot tell me that these bitter sounding women will one day let their sons marry their wives in peace

Thanks. My uncle just got back from Haiti yesterday and I could even hear the horror in his voice when we spoke. He said it was like the day after the last day in Haiti. I guess the big frustration now is why people are still not getting aid but these things are more complicated than they seem I guess.

Bottom line is those of you who are not married should be very truthful with yourself before you marry a man. Giving you conditions like "if my mother does this and that what will you do" is a no no. He should expect that his mother will be respectful as he expects that you be respectful. It is better to nip it in the bud before you marry than after you marry. The longest my mother has stayed with me in 1 month after I had my second child and even that was hard for her. My Aunty is a widow and only had a husband for about 7 years and raised 4 children all by herself. Every single one is successful. As a matter of fact they are all super successful. She does not go to their houses and sits there because she has suffered for them. You Nigerian men need to grow up. In fact I am disgusted.
Always listen to what men say (like some of the moo moos here) and look for those traits in the man you will marry.
If God said it from the very beginning then it means something. There is no reason why the Bible will say "leave your father and mother and cling to your wife" if it was not supposed to mean something. As a matter of fact, the Bible even addressed this when it even described marriage for the first time. When a man has not understood what it means to "leave" and "cling" then he is not ready to marry. That is just the truth and no be me talk am. You can always ask God (who is bigger than your mother) why he said so.

sjeezy8:
My manhood is all there. If my wife disrespects my mother in the slightest way I will divorce her A$$ and if she abuses my mother in anyway I wont stop my sisters from beating her as before or after I Divorce her.

Who are your sisters abeg? I guess it depends on who you marry because you seem quite sure that your sisters can hurt someone and not get some serious ass whooping themselves. As for divorce, she will certainly be better off with that divorce with your attitude

I think that is the bottom line. Many of our mother's have the mentality that they had a hard marriage but that they will wait and enjoy their lives through their children. So rather than fight their own fight they will rather wait and try and impose on their children. The sad part is that they pretend that history is not repeating itself. These same women will be highly uncomfortable if their own child's in law comes to live there. They will say that they are trying to do to her child what was done to her. LMAO. In fact the whole thing makes no sense.

Does anybody know who makes these

http://omg.yahoo.com/photos/week-in-photos-january-23-30-2010/3567?nc#id=4

vivaladiva:
ehen i watched this naija movie, this mother had been pestering her son to get married, he finally did. after marriage mama comes to stay wiv them( which i dont understand , cos as a newly wed i wld wnt to spend time alone wiv my husband and sleep with every where possible in the house, while howling like a were wolf during a full moon) any way mama comes to stay oooo and sudenly turns in to wat u can only discribe at the B-i-t-c-h from the hottest part of hell, one day wifey was like mama your food is ready come and eat, mama is like no i dont want to eat ( rather nastily0 wifey goes haba mama ave prepared your fav food, come and eat please, mama is like i said i dont want to eat, mama come and eat now, na him mama dash wifey one hot slap, i said i dnt want to eat r u deaf ( actually i wasnt b4 the slap lol)
o boy e, i vex like dog wey get rabbies, oboy if my moda inlaw slap me, b4 her son come back i go don re.arrange her anatomy, by the time her pikin come back she go dey mess from nose, see wiv her anus,breath frm her arm pit etc

LOL. This your grammar is hard to read but I think that movie was mother in law. That was a funny movie but a lot of lessons to be learned. The funny thing there is that her son even accused her of going to all their siblings house and fermenting trouble. LOL. The problem is that even when they know they do not tell their mothers. The whole thing just makes for a nasty relationship. Why do all the fakeness. Mama comes and stays for a few weeks and leaves. There is nobody in their right mind that will complain because their mother in law came for a few weeks to stay. Anyway it is Nigerian mentality though. Accept all the nonsense and just complain under your breath and everything else falls apart. We just need to wake up abeg

GL:
i guess we can't all be of the same opinion, at least you agree that if the mother needs care or if the husband is an only son then it's okay.


there's no elderly person (healthy or not) in my family that lives with their married children; my grandmothers live in their own houses. we visit them for a few days at a time only (and vice versa) never up to a week, so we always look forward to seeing them again. i happen to think this arrangement is the best for creating a loving relationship across generations within a family. i have friends who have grandmothers living with them and i notice many of them dislike their paternal grandmothers.

so obviously, i don't plan on staying with my kids (when i get married and have them). and no, i don't think a mother is entitled to living with her married kids either. my point is if for some reason things turn out that way, the wife should be able to handle the situation graciously.

I agree. I cannot stand the fakeness. I know a lady (and I use the term loosely) that her mother has been here in the US for years with them. Sure Mama has helped out and as far as I know her husband has never complained. In fact as far as I am concerned he is okay with not paying the extra money needed for childcare. The problem here though is that this woman bad mouths this man. She complained to my husband once on the phone that they are holding her in the US against her will and that she is being maltreated. This is the same woman though that has told people that she will not go back to the village unless they build her a house in the village. All this nonsense could easily be avoided if Mama comes to visit and then goes her merry way. What do you think he will think when he hears that his mother in law said these things. Familiarity breeds contempt o jare

snowdrops:
@ y me;   googles;   cantell;    sugar pp;    mama-gee;   ifedy;    selencious;   outstrip;  

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER THE SAME TREATMENT AT THE HANDS OF YOUR [FUTURE] DAUGHTER IN-LAW

AMEN

What goes around comes around

Wait okay. Maybe your son will want to suck your bosom again after he marries his own wife. Don't grow up and face reality. I do not feel it is suffering. People like you who like to take the victims approach to everything see being self sufficient as suffering. Lazy woman

yes o

GL:
my thoughts exactly.

if you're from a large family, i can understand. but if you're a single child (of a single mother) you would feel differently. nigerian mothers sacrifice their all (marriage options, career, time, money) for their kids. it's even worse when a woman has only one son and puts her whole life into giving him a bright future. i don't think such a son would be happy for his mom to spend the rest of her life alone because he's married. there must be ways to accommodate a mother-in-law without relinquishing one's position as the woman of the house.

Oh please. Give me a break. So because you do your job as a mother means that you should not let someone else live their life the want? Be about something for heaven's sake. Do something for yourself. Don't sit around and clean and cook all day and have no other interests but your children. It is people like this that become a problem later. This mother in law does not seem ill to me and I have countless of older women in my family that now I am starting to understand why they preferred to stay in the village than live with my aunties and uncles. They have things they enjoy doing in the village. They have their own lives. What if the woman's mother decides to come and stay there too? If they are both okay with it then fine, if the woman needs to be taken care of and he is an only child then fine but that is not the case here.
I hope you are not planning to go and sit in your own children's house one day. I swear people need to start interviewing not just their prospective sons or daughters in law but their mothes also. If they seem like the kind that have nothing to do with their time then they should advice their children to look else where. Why should you have the mindset of being entitled to something because you struggled to raise your children. Love will not make such demands and the mother knows that she is out of line. Will she go to her daughter's house and do the same knowing that the husband might not think it is cool. She is ok though doing it where she is now simply because the woman  is not her own. This has gone on too long.
Women need to do something for themselves also so that in their old age they can transition more easily. It is never easy to come to terms with an empty nest but having some interests will make more fun. My Aunty in Enugu has to go to Lagos whenever my cousin has to travel out of the country for business but she cannot wait to go back. According to her "nobody will water her flowers" so she has to return quickly. She is involved with the church, with her village meeting and so many other things. She has no time to go sit in somebody's house and be a nuisance.

Next time she says this is the time dinner should be cooked you tell her no that time does not work for you. Why should you be frustrated about it. It is all this phoniness that makes y'all frustrated then you come here crying because you are pretending about stuff. If you tell her that dinner will not be prepared at a certain time, your child will be fed when you the mother feels she needs to be fed and everything else no one will have to remind her that it is not her home and she needs to hurry and back to hers. You did not even have to bring it up with your husband. How can you let your mother in law decide when dinner is served. Why will she want to go anywhere else when she already has a household right there to tun. You gave your position away by letting her dictate what happens in your house. Do not be rude. You just tell her how it will be done when she wants to do it another way.

Women beaters on the prowl
Who the hell cares if she chews your dolce and gabanna shirt, swallows it and shits it. You are an abuser. Period.

thameamead:
The French rescused a girl and set up a fleld hospital, saw it on Channel 4 News, d Italians as well as the Chinese r all dia but d US seems to be taking all d credit, even d Isreal wasted no time in setting up a fleld hospital,

Why are you so angry. I saw that rescue of the 15 year old girl that had been trapped for almost two weeks and they said she was rescued by the french. The US did not take credit for it.

https://bp3.blogger.com/_BaabZGe_Uf8/SE4UCueJoOI/AAAAAAAABGk/AAoOSVKGdfI/s1600-h/wifki.jpg


http://bp3.blogger.com/_BaabZGe_Uf8/SE3fygx2pFI/AAAAAAAABEE/eIJfvPaFVro/s1600-h/nigwifekii.jpg


I guess carving your wife up like a thanksgiving turkey is what makes them feel masculine and in charge. Hmm

https://bp3.blogger.com/_BaabZGe_Uf8/SE3fygx2pFI/AAAAAAAABEE/eIJfvPaFVro/s1600-h/nigwifekii.jpg

http://bp3.blogger.com/_BaabZGe_Uf8/SE4UCueJoOI/AAAAAAAABGk/AAoOSVKGdfI/s1600-h/wifki.jpg

What a Nigerian man did to his wife here in the US. If someone can do this here where he knows he will be fried imagine what he will do in Nigeria where the victims are usually punished for daring to speak out

ucheawesom:
Well,the guy is overdependent on his brother and i doubt if he will want to move.Back at home in naija,brother will do everything for him.that is why he thinks it is ok for him to come and relax in his house.
Again,i cant push him out now.

You need to talk to your husband not about him contributing but him leaving all together. I think he needs to learn to stand on his own. Maybe it is just me but I have realized that it is just easier for me to say what I want to say. I don't know how to keep something in and stew over it. It does me no good. What is the point of getting resentful over him being there. This is not Nigeria and even in Nigeria what grown man with a job will still be living of off his sibling?

deluxecad:
I think most men do it out of continued provocation and nagging from a woman dat should understand and talk issues over with them. I've even heard some men assert that some women need some whipping sometimes as kids, just to drive out d naughtiness in them, I don't subscribe to that tho, but they may just be correct going by their personal experience. I walk away at the highest provocation and she comes begging with her pants down later, lol, that's more manly.

No. They do it because they feel that it is their right and that they will get away with it. Half those men will not hit another man even if he calls their mother a LovePeddler. They are all quick to hit their wives though. Animals

Why did you refuse the money she gave you and then assume that she thought you might be broke. That says a lot.

He needs to lose weight then if you think that is contributing. If you are here in the states and have health insurance then you can go do a sleep study and they will usually give you this thing that you wear over your face before you go to bed. It helps. My sister's husband has one. He is very physically fit with not an ounce of fat but he is a very loud snorer. He got tired of sleeping in a different room from his wife so he went and got it. He sleeps silently

But rather than contributing why does he not just leave. You know how things can get. if he contributes does he also get to make decisions in the home. He is an adult. I still don;t know what could possibly be tying him to his brother. If you want him to stay then let him stay. Asking him to contribute is just taking it to a level that you will surely regret. Tomorrow you will hear that he is the one feeding you

chika98:
Unfortunately he is right. In Nigeria when a woman is beaten everyone goes " What did she do?" "she must have upset him" They all tell her to go and pray about it.

Then he is wrong to say that society never accepted it. You and him are not saying the same thing. Go back and read what he wrote

Fhemmmy:
Our society never accepted it, i think it is the people that just assume so.
I am sure there are some courts that will take care of such cases, there are some real cop that will jail such man.
i think it is pathetic and needs to stop

You're joking right?

Why doesn't he just move out. Why is he still there when he even makes as much as you do. He needs to move out or is he under 18 yrs old

The first thing to do is stop the whoring. The next thing is you need to start talking to your wife about how you miss the intimacy in bed. She needs to know how important it is to you. If you can afford to get extra help around the house so that she has more time for the two of you that might also help. I don't think there is any excuse for what you did but I really think that if you stop and work through the issues it will be easier to tell your wife. She might hate you for a while but your love will hopefully bring her back to you