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She is materialistic brother so it will not be advisable to take her back because she might leave you someday again for someone better.

But why the sudden change in her? is she ready to be with you now without any material demands?

Subscribing  

Why are you shocked?

The culture is being abused in some cases but not all.

[quote author=!amebo no1 link=topic=342125.msg4815632#msg4815632 date=1256729841]are you alright? where on earth have i said in my post that 'a mother's' opinion is not important?

I can see you are the type that will choose a mother over a partner

The topic was about ' who knows better' and i stated clearly that a wife know better than a mother' so who is talking about western view and traditional view here? if you wanna state your point do so, but dont impose your 'ideas' on me, or post what i never posted[/quote]Why such questions like are you alright?Na fight, no let me flog you oooo _{Make i relax before tempers start flying}

I never accused you to be stating what you asked,i was just saying some people might misinterpret it towards that angle and i wasn't referring to you. The western view excludes the extended family why the traditional one includes it. See how you are accusing me as well that i will choose my mother over my partner . Don't worry when we get to that stage or situation it will sort itself out no need blabbing over that for now.

If you analyze my post clearly i said a wife knows better and it should stay at that point before wrong ideas creeps in. I said it before and now again, i am not imposing my views on you. Easy sister we are not fighting okay. A wife Knows better than the mother.

saltnsugar:
The woman want to be appreciated for providing for herself and her baby? Its ridiculous.If you want to use your money alone why did you get married in the first place? I didn't see her appreciate her husband here.
I wish your husband will read this.
In modern homes most ladies manage the house.i am witness to that.My brother that works in shell gives the wife nothing to manage the home because she is working.Manage the home include buying diesel etc.He provides the accommodation (built),changes her car,make investment for the family (stock,estates) Holidays round the worlds,school fees (4 kids * 1mill a session) etc everything outside the home.
The poster should forget about the appreciation and do her work because if the husband ask for his own she won't cope.
Don't wash your dirty linen in the public [ its a shame that most people commenting her are either dependent,single or have no clue what it takes to save enough money to build a house (buying land inclusive)]
The basic need of man Housing,clothing and feeding.He is doing two and half and you are complaining. I didn't include the modern needs which i now he does too.

Well said Brother hope the ladies can see this.

Ujujoan:
LOL    

Well you are right sha. I guess the standard of living matters. But hey, if the guy wan manage money make e talk am now. Not when he brings 15k in a month he'll expect a plate of food with chicken and trukey anytime he sits at the table!

In the 19th century all our fathers need to do is to go hunting and bring one big rabbit home. He will start praising our mothers right from the next street before his home. Uju [/b]nwa nem, the most beautiful and hardworking wife that only God can bless someone  as [b]strong like me  . Our mother mama Uju will run out and kneel down saying welcome my lord, father, husband what did you bring for me. I brought this big fat rabbit home please can you make me my favorite. Without  saying anything and with all the joy you can imagine in this world mama Uju will go inside and before you say viola a miracle has just happened.   Mama Uju is bringing the sweetest soup you can ever taste in this world with pounded yam and palm wine. With just only one fat rabbit waoh. _{We all know how Papa Uju repays her handsomely} Now lets move to the 21st century. _{I dey fear to go there ooooooooo}

Now we are in the 21st century Papa Uju comes home after all the struggling looking for money since there is no forest to catch the big fat rabbit again.   _{what a pity} He tells mama Uju take this 15k for the nest 30 days. Mama Uju self without even kneeling down, _{we don't mind anymore sha before she will start shouting slavery lol} tells Papa Uju so is it all you have got for the house keeping. Before papa Uju can open his mouth to explain all the battles he conquered to bring the bacon hom:Pe. Mama Uju will say never mind it is okay i was just asking if you had more.. What do you get? Monday white egusi with kpomo instead of isiewu Tuesday pap with bread ha make i stop here before Papa Uju flare up ooo.  . Our mothers performed miracle  with just one rabbit but why are you modern ladies with all th education, civilization, and opportunities cannot a perform miracle to give use a plate of rice and chicken boiled egg with the 15k we give you?.

There are morals behind this two story but i will keep it out for now.

[quote author=!amebo no1 link=topic=342125.msg4815490#msg4815490 date=1256728391]a mother knows the outside only, the wife knows the outside and the inside, so whats your point[/quote]So is that the reason why they should be compared? Now that the wife knows both so should the mother go and jump in the nearest canal? Your point is skewed towards the western view of what a family is. My point is still the same with the earlier post that they should not be compared out of respect for the mother and also before it is misinterpreted by some ladies. I gave you an example in my earlier post. You know a lot about your husband fine and that should not be a reason to square it up with that of the mother. I am not imposing my views on you but it is just my own opinion.

Ujujoan:
No, it's not. But at least the man should acknowledge she's making input and not claim the amount he's bringing is enough!!

I'm not undermining their importance. I just want to establish first of all if it's enough or not. It could be that those other expenses are the resaon why he cannot bring more than that. That is a very good reason. But then he has to acknoledge it. Not say it's enough when it's not.

My dear, housekepin in not  a big deal oh. But try cookin a pot of stew and a pot of soup with 2k. That's impossible with the cost of things these days. But trust me, that's what a housekeeping budget of 15k a month will give you!

Everything you said falls down back to standard, what standard of living are they going to maintain with the scare resources available to them. Some household can manage 5k, 20k 100k or even 10000k what is applicable to Paul might not be applicable to peter. If it is kpomo and okro soup the money can carry let them live that way  . if they want to practice 101, 110, 001 or whichever formula suits them let them carry on.

Because mama Ngozi child takes cornflakes in the morning does not mean Mama Uju child should take as well   _{I no mention name ooooooooooo}

The truth is that the  house keeping money can never be enough to 99.9 percent of the ladies we have today. _{Our fathers were so lucky and even our mothers self will be so jealous if they see this thread wishing they came in the 21st century lol.}

Ujujoan:
I know you are married with at least a kid. Are you seriouly saying that 15k is enof for housekeeping for a month. Please mark the key word - Enof!

Let's not go into how wealthy he is or what other expenses he makes or how much the woman makes. Do you really think 15k is enough. Maybe I'm being unecessarily extravargant without knowing!  

Those things you are leaving out are a important in other  to determine if 15k is enof.

Ujujoan:
I hear you oh . . . any rich under-30 guy must be a bank debtor! Is that like the litany of the broke?

Listen man, I'm not dissin you or anything. I do admire young men like you who are willing to take up responsibilities and work hard to make ends meet; I hear they make the nest hubbys (even dou I have my doubts).

What I dont like is men trying to take advantage of the fact that women are under them. If the thing hard too much, take over the housekeeping yourself na! Haba!

I have asked a lady this question and no reply so make i ask you too  

What is so special about house keeping that you ladies always shove it on our face all the time?   is it not just to   No let me mis yarn ooooo

Chiaka:
Nicely tell him to try run the home himself for a month without giving you the money. He should do all the shopping himself. Experience is the best teacher!!!

Whats the big deal in running a home self I am running my own home right now 100 percent.

Chiaka:
Please come back home sisters to pick a husband. We down here have too many nija guyz running after us. God is merciful. Having the right paper is an added advantage, though if you get married (hooked) to a home guy be ready to respect your man and dont let your so called papers/opportunities run into your brain. Good Luck and Gods guidance.

Why is that sentence not applicable to guys abroad?

Radiant:
A worried brother who needs your help in finding the 'lost coin'

I don't think this coin can ever be found I am not in for a wild goose chase. Let me borrow the quotes of MR Sanusi if a coin is lost beyond the limit of retrieval then the signs should be "self evident"

mikesleek:
the effect of a long boring day.

This looks like it is beyond boring to me really, in fact i need to ask Madam Waziri to start her Psychiatric Test Project from Nairaland before going to the National Assembly

Noooooooo Gone are those days i won't try that

Spyker:
I plan on taking my bride abroad after our wedding, if this story continues to re-echo, then i have to think twice ooh

Don't wait for the next news you better think twice now.

Ebonyeyes:
Wowsers so women are supposed to be slaves? Ok. Lets pray you insecure goons men dont have daughters.

No they are not supposed to but they have problems reconciling their new found freedom with the roles in a marriage setting.

TheSeeker:
I say again, if you have to let your wife go abroad with you, make sure she's had two kids for you, that way it'll not be too easy for her to join any clique but note that some women will still surpass all these barriers and bring out the bitchiness in them.

That solution is temporary because even after four kids some will still bring it out but it is working in some cases for now.

redsky1:
is it not u men going to nigeria to marry wife - leaving the ones here to be single forever.

i have no pity for u men.

Its choice sister

SeanT21:
That's the funniest statement I ever read on nairaland. Cmon now, R we slaves??

You were never and will never be slaves to us but,

[quote author=!amebo no1 link=topic=342125.msg4810056#msg4810056 date=1256654127]are you still kidding me? so a mother knows the guys character more than the woman he shares his innermost feelings with?[/quote]You really don't get me, what a mother knows about son is different from what a wife knows and in some cases it might look similar but with the wife knowing more since she now spends more time with him and they share their feelings together. But out of respect for the mother i would not want to compare and come to think of it, if the wife knows more what will is the benefit if not for us to relate with each other better.

Do you want the wife to tell the mother to shut up when talking about her son because she now knows him better now? Do you wonder why the mother of the man and the wife clashes when she comes over to look after the new born baby? That's one of the reason women ask for their own mother and not that of their Husband. Wife knows better thanks but i will still not compare or carry it on my head because IMPO it is a disrespect to my mother.

It will be better if the ladies humble themselves to the mother and explain the new changes in their son and not shove it on her face when ever there is a clash all in the name of i know him better. You still need one or two tricks from those experienced mom who have observed and nurtured that man to a certain extent.

What is this?

Sweet T:
Some Nigerian men never cease to amaze me, how can you give your wife N150=$100 for the whole month? Even the baby food alone surpass $100/month. You must be a very humble wife to be contemplating if it was enough or not.

It is $100 and that is 15000 naira from your analysis. Hope you did not miss it when the United Nations is saying that 70 percent of the Nigeria population lives below $1 a day?

ezinne1212:
lol, ignorance is not bliss. I'm tempted to show you what an insult is so that i can be sure that you have something to rant about, but then it's stooping to your level and i can't be bothered. It is expected that if you offer more, you state it, it's not a war and you are far from being significant.  But you needn't worry, your choice of lingo says it all, i guess you and Pharoh are indeed birds of the same feather, lol.


*You won't understand until the message hits you later like a bomb* lol!

I can see you have been throwing cheap shots at me but it will do you good if you go through my last post and for that quote i would want to let you know that there is thin line between confidence and arrogance. The word wasn't meant for you only. It was meant for me as well and every other party involved. Guess you don't understand what i meant hence the cheap shots. Anyway its all good dear i already called it a day.

candylips:
na wa o. seems like the guy ticks all the right boxes yet u no click with am

Guess her personality is not clicking with that of the guy

Vavavoom:
What more can I say other than WOW! After reading from Pharoh, Rosabelle et al.

Both sides of the divide only succeeded in confirming the given belief that change is hard.

Generalisation-the common trend of putting every other sex in the same bracket is wrong.

I hold the belief as a man that those intolerable of change will more often than not have difficulties relating with any sex. While it is human, it is hardly excusable. Marriage is not for everyone, man or woman. On the contrary happiness is, and again not for a particular sex nor people. I don't subscribe to the view that a woman/man must be married to be happy. The pros should be weighed, the cons evaluated; the strife begins when we give into the demands of another empowering them to take control of our will to discern.

Rosabelle & co, go wherever it pleases you, find happiness in your endeavour. If and wherever your journey takes you you find and fall in love with a man, that allows the you in you to soar, be free and be happy.

Pharoah et al, the value and identity arguement worked in a bordered world, when we as africans were isolated, without the knowledge of the outside. Those are thinning very fast now, cable TV is here and so too is change.  Change that sees and makes a woman head of a fortune 500 company, the days of stay-at-home are gone, with our parents I should add. Now the woman is a partner, an equal owner in the man and wife business. Something tells me, like I have experienced; if a woman is treated well and laid out properly like a tile it wouldn't matter if she brought home the bacon she'd still cook the food if she got the respect in return.  I'd rather have that kinda happiness than worry about not doomineering. In between, am a man.

Thanks for coming neutral on this issue and indeed change is hard but the ladies don't realize that yet. I told rosabelle but she says the ladies are going it alone. Well the sad marriage stories littered around tells it all. Like you advice her she might see a man that will accept her as she is and boom a perfect marriage. Likewise i might see a lady that will accept me as well boom a perfect marriage. (Though the ladies have greatly mistaken my position that's why i asked everyone to visit this thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-343557.32.html ) All what i am trying to explain is you can't go it alone and there are many men who cherish ladies like them provided some things are guaranteed from their perspective.

I agree with you that we are in the 21st century and things have changed really. We are all here together and just like you the kind of lady you wish is what i also have in mind. There are reasons why some men still want to keep ladies as house wife but ladies don't know. I for one will never keep a woman as a housewife but whoever i happen to fall in love with and ready to spend the rest of my life with has to sit with me and we sort things out properly before getting married so we don't experience one of those sad stories.

Though the post in black above could be some how difficult to achieve sometimes but with understanding, contentment and sacrifice we will get pass that. All what the ladies and guys has been bragging here will be sorted out in that stage in a loving and respectful manner so that they can have a blissful marriage if they come to an agreement. I use the word love there because it concurs so many things before we turn marriage into a contract negotiation.

After all the Bible says he who has found a wife has found a good thing so who doesn't want a good thing?. I will never dispute the fact that women are now equal partner who deserves all the respect they need and ask for but it also goes both ways. The little problem women have is gauging their respect for men with the wrong indicies. By the time we sort this out we will all have a blissful marriage.

Thank you all for this discussion and please do visit that thread and read all the pages.

emiemi:
Any family living above 15000 amonth is IMO above average comprising mostly the young working class.
You will be surprised that some families live above 50k a month. And yet you will still find, families living
on 5000 and below a month. That's why i said it's a different ballgame which depends on the level of education,
job type, number of persons in the home, location and status.

One error women make is to discuss wiv their friends how much their husbands give them for housekeeping.
That has caused (and is still causing) a lot of problems for homes when wives will return home to demand for
a 'raise' siting the other family as example to the husband.

The key word ought to be contentment (cutting one's coat according to ones' cloth)
Shikena!

Thank you sister

Ujujoan:
See all the broke people looking for economic wives! LOL    

We are looking for economic wife during the economic crisis lol  

stillwater:
No.

So you don't even cherish us again self   . _{I know you are kidding because we are the best gift you can get in this world lol .}  

kanye West:
[size=18pt]Ujujoan is daft its as simple as that![/size]

A poster asked if Ujujoan is married? Is that a trick question or what? How can a daft Sh**t head like that get married? Who is the Stupid sensless brainless turd that would take her hand in Marriage?

[size=14pt]She done apologize Na[/size]  

Ujujoan:
You know every woman would be happy to help and understand. All we want is a little appreciation from you guys. Not to be proving right!

LOL  

We have been doing that with our sweet words or what else again?  

hollandis:
Nna everybody just dey finish you,abi you no gree for them?

Abeg ooo no rope me inside ooo  

iykedare:
@ezinne

after insulting men u are now trying to sound innocent.u mentioned above dat naija men offer nothing but sperm.(point of correction -sperm and dickk-at least,u like d latter.)

what boundaries cant i cross?i would cross any mutherfucking boundary.4k u,bitch

They will tell you it is not an insult in their opinion. I already told them yesterday it was all for a ride for me  when i discuss issues like this for the first time.

Only if they know the meaning of the word below.

Pharoh:
You won't understand until the message hits you later like a bomb

Please we are one big family here no fights or insults though Nairaland is not a Civil Soceity. It will be nice if you all visit this thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-343557.32.html

Ujujoan:
Full responsibility for me/ She's not even talking about the clothes she wears, her hair, her jewelries, her make-up and other things she needs as a woman. She's talking about the food him and his son will eat? That's still his responsibility . . .  even if she's working!

We know that dear and we also have our man needs as well though the ladies own should be double or even triple the cost for  a man.  We are simply just asking for a little relief and understanding in that regard.

Nope, the respect is based on a man being able to appreciate a woman and acknowledge her support in any little way he can.

Fine he pays other bills, that's not  problem (I'm sure the wife contibutes to those things as well  . ,   . let's ask her)!

But he should not assume he's doing the right thing when I'm sure he knows quite well what he's doing!

Let them share the responsibilities in the house, let her part be to provide for housekeeping and the rest of them, let him not even give her a dime in contribution. That is not even a problem!

But when he gives her an amount and dosent admit it's not enough. In other words he dosent want to admit he's not right so  . . . .  he wants to be  the lord and still be able to dodge some minor responsibilities. That's unfair!

Sister the answer i will give to your analysis is in my earlier post. They should sit down and discuss how they will share the financial responsibilities before it gets out of hand and leads to something else.  

stillwater:
Because people are managing N1000 does not mean it's enough to keep a house.  

Yeah you do. Once in a blue moon. Housekeeping majorly lies on the woman, eventhough I hate to admit it.

For sure it is possible for it not to be enough and also it varies from one house hold to another. The woman works as well so the best is for both of them to sit and discuss this issue because i feel the man is concerned about her salary IMO.

The moon is no more blue anymore i guess    but frankly speaking women possess the best skills in the marketing and house keeping department. But you know we the 21st century men are giving you ladies enough help in those aspect these days.   _{Hope you will pat our backs a little bit for that}  

stillwater:
15,000 naira is NOT enough to keep a house for a month. But if he's unable to supply more, you guys just have to manage it and cut down on some expenses.

You men talking do you even go to the market? This is a month we are talking about and naira not dollars.

Sister times have changed we now go to the market as well. There is no absolute monopoly of roles anymore in a marriage. Understanding is a key word both parties seriously need.

Ujujoan:
You know respect is earned!!

Hope the respect is not tied to the man bringing the bacon home or doing his other duty apart from producing the sperm?

You are hitting on the 15k house keeping money which the woman adds to as well. I am happy and thankful to her about that. But in your list below

Ujujoan:
Nope!

Cook, buy food stuffs, buy baby things, clean the house, go shopping et.c!

Did you forget to touch this other aspects as well

House Rent
Other Bills
School Fees

Just listing this for a start.  

redsky1:
what the heck is housekeeping allowance?

15K is not enough and i don't get this set up if you are working

She didn't say all what she does with her money but she contributes to the 15k without the husband's knowledge.

OYINBOGOJU:
UJUOJAN, WHY DO U LIKE TO PUT SOMEONE ELSE PROBLEM ON YOUR HEAD

POSTER WAS SAYING HER MIND BUT U WERE BUSY CALLING HER HUSBAND NAMES

INFACT RUDE GIRLS LIKE YOU SEEMS TO BE A BAD LUCK

CHANGE YOUR WAYS  AND STOP POKE-NOSING

IM SO SURE YOU ARE STILL SINGLE WHICH WILL BE VERY HARD TO GET A RESPONSIBLE MAN

I am also wondering like you as well why ladies disrespect men these days.  No one knows how much the husband earns for him to bring such an amount so why passing judgment?

We give glory to God and he will surely reward your effort.

Proving how you spend the money in Nigeria won't be easy since most things we buy doesn't not involve receipt. Just let him know that you have been supplementing the amount to meet up. Good that you work and willingly to add to it, so do add please and try to work on the trust issue with your husband because i can feel negative thoughts here about the handling money issue.

Try not to think otherwise it could be the best he can provide for now and it will be good if you cut out unnecessary things from the list of what the money was meant for.

Ebonyeyes:
Well you didnt make your point clear enough.

Okay here is it, His wife already had a kid from someone else before they met. They got married and in between them they also had one kid. Before he married his present wife he had a female friend he has not seen but they have been speaking on the phone. After his wife gave birth he met this lady in Lagos he has been talking with on the phone. All of a sudden he is having feelings for her and doubting about his marriage.

What does the above scenario tells you?, My answer was the post you replied to. People look down on ladies who are after one so i am guessing maybe he married her out of pity[s] (Don't intend to stretch it more than this)[/s] hence the lack of respect he has for her by going after someone else when she just gave birth. I have already condemned him in my earlier post so i am not giving any excuse here.