Phate07's Posts
Nairaland Forum › Phate07's Profile › Phate07's Posts
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 (of 167 pages)
 Romance › Re: Is Your Girlfriend Taller Than You? by Phate07(m): 8:35pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
[quote author=D-sense link=topic=576830.msg7461691#msg7461691 date=1294168173]^^How's farm?  [/quote][quote author=D-sense link=topic=576830.msg7461691#msg7461691 date=1294168173]^^How's farm? [/quote]Emm bro, are we talking about your cow farm here?   |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 8:24pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “ This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person. Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. This is fantastic, thought the gentleman. I ’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he ’ll ask me for assistance. Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?” Only one word came to mind… my goodness, thought the gentleman, I can ’t tell the Pope that. There must be another. The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, “I think you’re looking for the word ‘aunt’.” “Ah Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?” |
| Romance › Re: Is Your Girlfriend Taller Than You? by Phate07(m): 8:06pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
[quote author=D-sense link=topic=576830.msg7461379#msg7461379 date=1294164909]Some ragtag posters should be banned permanently on Nairaland.[/quote] Like who. . . You? @topic, am taller than my girl. Am a good 6'2 feet.  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:04pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
allabosky: Bro, am the manager and caretaker. shakara4u: Lol, you can contribute by submitting jokes too. allabosky: Okay nao, your application has been accepted. Forthwith! jokingmary: Tanx sweerry. And please fasten your belt for the ride ahead.  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 3:13pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 3:02pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
eldav: Hope you are enjoying the jokes. More to come. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 2:48pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
CORPORATE LINGO “COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM” We have no time to train you. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day. “SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” Some time each night and some time each weekend. “DUTIES WILL VARY” Anyone in the office can boss you around. “MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL” We have no quality control. “CAREER-MINDED” Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). “APPLY IN PERSON” If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled. “NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE” We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. “SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE” You’ll need it to replace three people who just left. “PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST” You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos. “REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS” You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. “GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS” Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 2:38pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.” Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife. “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ” He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?” “You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie h?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips. “But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…” “You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…”LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A F*CKIN’ BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER… GOT IT, AS*HOLE?” Damn! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 2:12pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
A man wanted a watchdog, so he went to the pet store. He asks the clerk, "Do you have a good watchdog?" The clerk replies, "You're in luck; I have one left." She comes back with a chihuahua. The man, a little ticked off, says "What the hell do I need a chihuahua for? That's not a watchdog!" The clerk replies, "But this is a special watchdog. He knows karate." The clerk takes the chihuahua and the man out to an alley, where there is some trashy furniture. The clerk points to a chair and says, "Karate that chair!" Less than a second later, the chihuahua reduces the chair to sawdust. The clerk points to a sofa and commands the dog to "Karate that sofa! Repeat performance. The man, amazed, buys the dog for $100 and takes it home. When he gets home, the man shows his wife the chihuahua proclaiming, "Honey, I got you a watchdog!" The wife yells, "That isn't a watchdog, for cryin' out loud! You wasted your money!" The man calmly replies, "This is a special watchdog. He knows karate." The wife, flustered, shouts: "Karate?!? Karate my ass!!!" :x |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 2:04pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me three black, three with cream. ” |
| Nairaland General › Re: 50 Men and Women That Moved Nairaland: 2005-2010 by Phate07(m): 1:00pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
Ok, where do i fit in? |
| Nairaland General › Re: Odunnu And Mrbrownjay by Phate07(m): 12:44pm On Jan 04, 2011 |
And so? |
| Romance › Re: Relationship Status Of Nairalanders by Phate07(m): 10:59am On Jan 03, 2011 |
Mod, could you please lock this topic? Cheers!  |
| Romance › Re: Relationship Status Of Nairalanders by Phate07(m): 3:40pm On Jan 02, 2011 |
Single and happy! |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:35am On Jan 02, 2011 |
A woman goes to london for a 2 week company training session. her husband drives her to the airport. she says: "what would you like me to bring back for you?"he laughs and says: "A london preety girl" Two weeks later the wife comes back.the husband says: "so, how was the trip and where is my London girl?"she says: "the trip was fine as for the London girl, well i did all i could. Now we'll have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl!" |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:24am On Jan 02, 2011 |
A man is walking down the street and sees Little Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke." Johnny looks up but doesn't say anything. The man asks, "Son, how old are you?" Little Johnny says, "Six." Stunned, the man says, "Six!? When did you start smoking?" Johnny replies, "Right after the first time I had sex." "Right after the first time you had sex? When was that?" Little Johnny answers, "I don't remember. I was drunk." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:19am On Jan 02, 2011 |
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his pennis. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 11:14am On Jan 02, 2011 |
A lady who's been mourning her husband for four years finally goes away for the weekend with a man. On their first night, she gets naked except for a pair of black knickers. "Why the black knickers?" asks the man "You can handle my breasts, my body is yours to explore, but down there i'm still in mourning," she says. The next night, the same thing happens. But this time, the man is wearing a black condom. "what's with the black condom?" she asks. The man replies, "I want to offer my condolences. |
| Events › Re: What will you give Inked as a bday gift? by Phate07(m): 5:30pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
Happy b'day, MonAmi. Cheers! |
| Nairaland General › Re: Mr.cork's True Identity. . . by Phate07(m): 5:24pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
Gerrout jor, dense head.  |
| Dating And Meet-up Zone › Re: Iice Can I Meet You? by Phate07(m): 4:37pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
Happy New Year to Nairaland Twin Goddesses! |
| Nairaland General › Re: What Is Your 2011 New Year Resolutions? by Phate07(m): 4:12pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
To be more of myself! |
| Dating And Meet-up Zone › Re: I Need Sb. by Phate07(m): 3:56pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
| Romance › Re: Just Got Dumped 2 Hours Into The New Year! by Phate07(m): 3:55pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
No need to cry over spilt milk, he should just move on. New year, new life. |
| Nairaland General › Re: Mr.cork's True Identity. . . by Phate07(m): 3:46pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
| Dating And Meet-up Zone › Re: My Secret Admirer by Phate07(m): 3:43pm On Jan 01, 2011 |
This one na real case! |
| Romance › Re: If Girls Were Like phones, Which Would You Prefer by Phate07(m): 9:31am On Dec 31, 2010 |
I guess i'll have to go for an iPhone, cos of the restrictions. She will be rejecting external toast and unwarranted attentions. |
| Events › Re: Craziest Thing U Did This Year? by Phate07(m): 8:26pm On Dec 30, 2010 |
Yorisb: Na so nao. We yarn it the way it is. 190: Why are you shining your teeth? Dont worry, maybe MzDarkskin will teach you one or two lessons. |
| Events › Re: Craziest Thing U Did This Year? by Phate07(m): 6:26pm On Dec 30, 2010 |
Omolola1: Are you saying your real boyfriend knew about your stuff with 190?  Dont you think its high time you seperated your public(online) life from your private life?Anyways, stay safe. Am out! |
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 (of 167 pages)