₦airaland Forum

Have u done the compatibility check
It seems she has made up her mind

bettydee: Bros Mintayo,I hail o.

Nairalanders,una harsh o,showing my friend all dis comments is making ha feel damn guilty.She loves d 1st one n he luvs ha bck sincerely,she is very fond of d 2nd bt he loves ha sincerely. The second 1 knows abt d 1st guy bt stil tinks he can win ha luv bt now she wan settle down. All she wants to do is balance the equation so the 2nd won't feel used and hurt. The first 1 will surely forgive ha,no mata wat,he told ha dat himself,so no problem with him.


*you know that part when the pastor says,if there is anyone that objects to this marriage,speak now or forever hold your peace......that's what she is scared of,make d 2nd guy no come crash the wedding*

Thanks for all the comments so far.

@Fulaman198

Bro... you are attracted to dark skinned beauties.. what of your circle

The last editions of the MGBN when was the last edition won by a dark skinned beauty

Lets be objective

You in your guys car.... 2 girls on different sides of the street.. one is dark one is fair.. same body specs... which ones will an average naija guy ogle?

Kinkybraids: Well im glad there are exceptions to the rule but try and read some comments on NL about SA girls...they are very nice or supportive.

A lot of the comments are written by people who have not even related with SA girls
They are only repeating what they hear from others etc

I will not bother with such stereotypical comments

MizMyColi: For Starters, the average Nigerian Christian doesn't believe that all will be saved, eventually. He isn't encouraged to reach out to others regardless of their belief, sexual orientation or unbelief. He is made to think that God is only pleased and blesses him when he lives a "righteous" life and condemns him to eternal damnation when he commits even the slightest sin before death and couldn't ask for forgiveness . Christianity in Nigeria is Performance Based. I haven't been outside this country, so I can't say what its like out there.

So lets take it one by one...my favorite phrase


Do you believe all will be saved... Jesus words..Many are called; few are chosen

Reaching out is a personality thing. We are called to preach the gospel

Do you believe God is a program that rewards and punishes ... He says Its not by power, nor by might but by My Spirit

Do you believe Christianity is performance driven.. He says your righteousness is like filthy rags

You have not been beyond... it will interest you to know there are various sects in the US that are even more extreme

Lets not generalise.. qualify with your experience rather than judge

observing.. hope she gets other roles...

MizMyColi: errmm.....NewsFlash! I no longer qualify as a christian [A Nigerian one at least]........so you're right, I started thinking, thus I strayed. I chose compassion over wrath, then I lost my christian religion. God is too much, too big for one single religion to claim monopoly of Him. I'm shedding my religious scales yet I'll always believe in God.

interesting.... why do u qualify Nigerian at least?

why do you christianity is a religion of wrath and not compassion

fayahsoul: I dont know if you are male or female but i do know that this issue doesnt require much gramma and semantics. The question that's being addressed is "is it right for a black female to bleach her skin or undergo any artificial alteration of her natural self?" if you, like i and most of the respondents on this thread, know it's wrong then our women ought to be woman enough to accept responsibility for the wrong choices they have made regardless of what ever compelled them to make that wrong choice.

You are not listening

We all say it is wrong yet show by our dating choices that we prefer the fair skinned ones or those with hair extensions etc calling them sophisticated...

Actions speak louder than words... bro

You cannot divorce actions from the causal factors

Can you explain the bolded..check into homes how

Also can you provide a list of such apps

olaxco2f: How often do you check in on location based apps?

In fact, do you even use location based apps such as Foursquare/Swarm, Yelp, Google+, Facebook and more?

Are you concerned about privacy or your safety?

It's amazing to see some people still checking into their home address on location based apps such as Foursquare. Some developers have tried to educate by creating mashups of Foursquare and Google Maps showing the street view images of peoples' houses.

Most of us believe we should be able to control our privacy settings on social networks, but some people share so much publicly you have to wonder if they realise what they are doing!

What do you think? Interested in your thoughts.

#Privacy #location #socialmedia #security #SS #SP #CGG #ADN
http://www.ginimaxtechnology

Contact TEHN

https://www.nairaland.com/1315227/e-helpers-network-tehn-official-thread

Keky: Man City Would have gone for Sanchez!!!!

Hmm.. that did not make the waves

the only club i heard was Liverpool who entered late after the Suares bite affair

City though are known for splashing cash anyhow

coogar: boy is a throughbred nigerian. he probably took akpu & oha soup on the day of the incident.

.. nice one edwife

onegig: ah! Ok o. Thanks.

But do you agree with it?

Well basically you are right though there are variations in personalities

MizMyColi: Pickabeau1 Thanks for your time. I wish you more grace.

hmm,, ok.. waiting for the tag

Fulaman198: There are 85 million or so men in Nigeria, we haven't heard from all of them to come to such a conclusion.

I for one don't have a preference between light skinned or dark skinned. A beautiful black woman is a beautiful black woman regardless of skin tone/complexion.

note you have not specified a preference based on complexion

Let me throw it and try something else broadly

Out of the people in your circle, how many of the relationships have been with dark skinned ladies

For people i know aside the physical features, fairness of complexion features a lot in the discussion

Nashville: It is not contrition; she cannot marry two people so she has to choose one. So she is in a dilemma. If she could legally marry both, I am sure she will but now she is looking for the smartest thing to do.

Lets see how the op progresses the thread

she used them.. that much is plain .. however it does not mean she does not deserve a second chance

As i said earlier.. if she does some serious soul searching.. her hubby may not even be one of the two

Fulaman198: Don't you feel that the bolded is a generalisation my friend?

No i dont.. why do you think so?

MizMyColi: maybe not comparable seeing as I haven't read other texts per se. I have seen quotes though and I realize that Truth is truth no matter who or what says it. The key is to see God in all things and all things in God.

Lets leave this for now...

The word is different from the law, i would say that Jesus came to fulfill the desires of the law (which brought death) so that he - the word of God, who is alive and active will abide fully in our lives and bring us into our inheritance.

Fulfill means perfect.. He came to fulfill it.. why will you focus on Jesus and leave his words which he has given saying it has inconsistencies.
The same Master said.. It is a sin to add one jot of this word or remove

I won't be surprised if in the end we're saying the same thing. Its just a matter of English

ok..

Nashville: Contrite and you have been dating both of them since University. Abeg tell me another story. Nothing special about her as she gets financial help from the second guy. She just feels she is smart and can play both of the guys together.

At this point, the two guys may not want to feel like losers so they both will continue doing everything for her. But trust me, I wouldnt be surprised if the one she marries brings the whole thing up after marriage. Guys hardly forget these things.

If she is wise, she should leave both guys and find another mugu.

She is about to settle now... contrition is not out of it

On the financial help.. she may or may not be getting it anymore as she supposedly has a good job

if the guys are so into her, though aware of each other.. that presents a very intriguing male thought pattern

Lets see and get more info... i believe in second chances

onegig: I guess. But If he allowed me type all that and this was all just for the traffic and fight then he should know those old witches from his village are in on his case by now.

I enjoyed your post though..

fayahsoul: if you are trying to say that black women bleach because black men are attracted to fair skins then you are on a long thing. I have ended a couple of relationships due to my partners rigid self hating frame of mind. What we are dealing with here borders on some sort of psychological pathology. So even when their bf or fiance or hubby advises them to be natural they resist the idea with vehemence and this indicates that their thirst for fakery is way beyond "a supposed attempt at gaining acceptance from the opposite gender." It's just one of many tired excusses. Besides, it wasnt the black man that pushed their women into fakery. It just so happens that the black woman is simply more susecptible to western indoctrination and miseducation. She choose that route thinking it's the right way to attain "sophistication." Funny enough you are even doing a disservice to the women by claiming that they do evil so as to please men. That's like saying that their faculty of moral conscience is under-developed and inadequate. lol am calm o. Dont get it twisted. I do this out of love. peace be unto you.

I will speak for my sisters in this side of the atlantic who are still dependent on men for a lot and not like those on the other side of the atlantic who earn a bit of money

Most Nigerian guys are attracted to fair-skinned ladies, and those who use hair extensions and all the what nots

We cannot divorce ourself from the reality

We also encourage this unwholesome attitude

If you have read the comments of some of the female posters, you will note guys tell them to lighten up etc etc

Im not twisted..Love is cool but before you can change something,, you have to understand it

MizMyColi: Yes, I do! Just like many religious texts world over. However, I do not consider the bible inerrant, why? because they are written by human beings not God himself. I do not consider the bible the word of God, Jesus Christ is the word of God. [Alot of us have idolized the bible, some the 66 books, others the 81 books] Truth is The bible is one of the best things that has happened to many of us ...... even though the writers didn't have one. Its also one of the worst things that has happened to us .......... some people have used it to justify slave trade

Simply put, If I put on my own lenses when reading the bibe - It will Kill me!

But If I put on HolySpirit lenses - It can transform me.

You are saying too many things and perhaps mixing it all up

Take it one by one so we can dissect

- You believe the Bible is inspired of God and still comparable to other religious texts worldwide?

- If Jesus is the Word and the word is not inerrant, what Law did he come to fulfill

- Men used it to justify slave trade however the practice was on, It was twisted to kill dissenting voices

onegig: I was just trying to help the op and others who come out here with same thoughts na. Even ladies can benefit or even enlighten him. Not everything should lead to a gender e-war.


Seperate emotions and you can think straight. That's the fundamental rule.

I thought he may have been flowing along your lines... i asked him twice pointedly but his responses were not coherent

Thats why i think the thread was just for traffic

MizMyColi: Beau, that David prayed that way doesn't mean we should. As far as am concerned, at face value, not every prayer in the bible (especially the psalms) is HolySpirit inspired.

Do you believe the Bible is inspired by the Spirit

Nashville: Chai,

So she has been actively dating two guys and enjoying benefits from both of them while servicing them. And both you and your friend cannot see anything wrong with that. I thought that was cheating but then in Nigeria; anything goes. I would advise her to keep both of them while waiting for a third guy ok. Three guys isn't too much!

And the two guys sef are very silly. Whoever she choses to marry will be the ultimate loser, because this kind of lady will forever have a back-up boyfriend. She would always want/need something from another man because her husband cannot have it all.

Yes... you are right and that was my first line of thought... i however feel she may be contrite..
She may have not known the relationships will last that long

I also wondered how the guys cope knowing each other.. normally they will both dump her

There must be something special about the girl.. her well paying job perhaps?

bestestgirl: More like a life of receiving...
To each his own sha

Now u in d spirit

choi.. onegig. see analysis

The scriptures say that things are as in a shadow and with time they will be revealed

There is a place for such vengeful prayers but with wisdom more knowledge will be gotten

The same David prayed these prayers at a time in his life when chased by Absalom and Saul but when he was restored he forgave

So wisdom is key..

I will love to dissect the lines. tag me anytime

MizMyColi: Beau, perchance, have you heard a typical prayer warrior praying? I used to be one, so I know what I'm talking of That moment when a person is praying "fervently" and be like....

"OH GOD! JUST AS THE BEARS MAULED THOSE CHILDREN WHO INSULTED ELIJAH, OH GOD! MY FATHER! MY FATHER! LET SPIRITUAL BEAR, LION, TIGER, AND CHEETAH TEAR ALL MY ENEMIES TO PIECES ______ Now Beau, that's just one example of using the bible to justify wrath.
oh, btw, I'm still a "warrior" only this time, I wrestle in LOVE and I've never felt more powerful.

I remember a similar scenario in the new testament where Jesus' disciples wanted him to call down thunder on some dudes who insulted him and he be like, "Ye do not know what manner of spirit ye are of"........I guess its in order to say the same about those who pray in like manner?


@TheEmboldened.......certainly not! its just a pointer to how the bible, which personally has been of tremendous help and value to me, has been twisted for selfish and corporately selfish purposes.


About dissecting the list.........I may not be able to do that now. When I'm inspired to, I'll tag you and we'll talk (ofcourse, if you're chanced).


That said I wanna ask, would you see me any differently should it be that my beliefs in some way differ from yours?

I learnt very early on this journey to give everyone grace, no matter how far ahead or behind me, they are in this journey of life.
I would that you treat me the same way, we are one, we are all connected

bettydee: Kk,I ll talk 2ha abt dat.tnx pickabeau.

Yep..let her consider the following guide.. Not prescriptive but a guide from the Late Mrs Odukoya
Marriage is no bf/gf game... she may not even marry any of them

1. WHO AM I?
Before you can know the person who is right for you, you must know yourself. If you do no know who you are, it would be impossible for you to find the right person to fit you. The Bible asks rhetorically, “Can two walk together except they agree?” (Amos 3:3). It is very vital that you too should have in you the qualities you are looking for in your future partner. For instance, if you want a prudent husband /wife, you must be prudent yourself or else you will have confusion in your home. Do you want a sincere, faithful and honest/truthful husband/wife; you must be sincere, faithful and honest/truthful alike. Do you want a perfect gift from God? You have to be a perfect gift yourself or else that perfect gift will intimidate you.
2. AM I OBSESSED AND COMMITED TO THE WILL OF GOD?
God’s desire is to affect our entire lives for our own good. His commandments are therefore all embracing. In determining your commitment level, you need to ask how far you are willing to go in walking with God and whether there are areas you consider too sacred for God to touch. Also consider how obedient you are to His Words written in the Bible.
3. DO I HATE SIN WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND WITH A PASSION?
Through self examination, one should be able to say whether one abhors sins or there are areas in which one is willing to accept compromises. It is true that no one is perfect, but if you marry someone who compromises and who does not see sin as sin, then you have problems in your hands.
4. IS HE/SHE A COMMITTED BELIEVER OR CHRISTIAN?
The Lord says that, “Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever…” 2Corinthians 6:14-18. He is the Manufacturer, Author and Maker of marriage and relationships. He alone knows what is best and has given this instruction for our good, peace and bliss. For perfect spiritual compatibility, a Christian (devoted follower of Christ) should choose a Christian, a Muslim should choose a Muslim and other non-Christians should choose non-Christians. If you marry a non-Christian, be ready to be an in-law to the Devil (idols).
5. WHO AM I INTELLECTUALLY?
You must also be able to know your intellectual strengths and abilities, that way you can determine who can agree with you in this regard. Based on your academic accomplishments, you should be able to say whether you are likely to be threatened by your spouse’s intellectual accomplishments or whether you will be able to provide leadership, and in fact enhance her.
6. WHAT IGNORANCE WOULD DISTURB ME?
Some people are very exposed and well informed about life, social etiquettes, world politics, fashion, current affairs, etc; but others are not. And such ignorance may be irritating; therefore, it is advisable that you look into this area carefully.
7. WHAT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL QUALITIES DO I HAVE?
Apart from the spiritual and intellectual knowledge of one’s self, the emotional, sexual and physical aspect is also equally very important. In the aspect of the emotions, you must find out if you are an extrovert or an introvert; if you make friends easily or not, etc.

8. CAN I LOVE THIS PERSON FOR LIFE?
You need to be sure that this person you have chosen to marry you will live him/her till death separates you, come what may. Matthew 19:3-8.
9. DO I KNOW THE QUALITIES I AM LOOKING FOR IN MY INTENDED SPOUSE?
You must know what you want in an intended spouse or else you could see him/her but not recognize him/her. Possibly list them and let the Holy Spirit guide your listing against selfishness.
10. DOES HE/SHE HAVE QUALITIES I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT?
A lot of people settle for qualities that they can live with, but this is an error. It is wiser to choose partner with qualities you cannot do without. As we cannot live without air and water, there are some traits/things that we need our partners to have that will make life more comfortable and bearable for us.
11. CAN MY INTENDED COMPLEMENT MY EFFORTS TO FULFILL MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
This is very important, but first of all, you need to identify your purpose. That way you can now tell who would be able to complement you and who cannot. Your spouse must be committed to you as well committed to your purpose.
12. CAN I HELP OR ALLOW HIM/HER TO ACCOMPLISH HIS/HER GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE IN LIFE?
If you desire someone who will help you to get to where you are going in life, you should also be willing to reciprocate the gesture.
13. IS HE/SHE FLEXIBLE AND UNDERSTANDING OR RIGID AND UNCOMPROMISING?
You need to have a person who can adjust to your needs. If he/she is not, it is indicative that the choice you have made is a poor one.
14. AM I PROUD OF HIM/HER?
Can I proudly introduce my intended partner to my family and friends or am I embarrassed to take him/her out to visit people? Can we walk together along the street, sit together in the car or any other public transport means? Am I always excited when people see us together? Can we wear same clothes?
15. DO I KNOW MY INTENDED PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
Concentrate therefore on knowing the person you are intending to marry rather than indulging in sex, petting or necking as these would create false intimacy, arouse unguided and unguarded emotions and blind you to objective judgments.
16. AM I READY TO ACCEPT HIM/HER WITH HIS/HER FAULTS?
You need to decide if you can celebrate your intended partner with all his/her faults and weaknesses. If you cannot, you’ll end up frustrating yourselves. You must understand as you take steps to the altar, that marriage requires unconditional love, an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. In spite of his/her faults, you must love and celebrate your partner in marriage. Therefore, care must be taken to know the faults and imperfections of the person you have chosen to marry.
17. DO I ACCEPT HIS/HER FRIENDS AS MY FRIENDS?
If you are uncomfortable with your intended partner’s friends, it is a pointer that you probably do not know him/her enough and you can’t afford to marry a stranger. Marriage will commit you to accepting his/her friends, family and all he/she stands for and show that you have fully accepted him/her.
18. HAVE WE DISCUSSED OUR DIFFERENCES?
You need to discuss those basic things that are very different between you two. For instance, family background, educational background, differences between a man and a woman (physiology, mannerism, characters and traits/habits, etc).
19. CAN WE PLAY TOGETHER?
Life isn’t all about work, business and all that seriousness. A couple needs to relax sometimes and just play. Do you play together? Can you indeed play together? Can you cope with his/her hobbies?
20. DO WE BRING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER?
Do both of you encourage and inspire each other to greater heights? How does your presence or intervention affect his/her performance? This is very important.
21. AM I MARRYING HIM/HER BECAUSE I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE HIM/HER, BECAUSE MY FRIENDS LIKE HIM/HER OR MY PARENTS PRESSES ME TO MARRY

bettydee: She has a very good job with a big pay

Ok... good so finances should not be an issue for then though one cant say maybe she did not use them

Maybe they want their investment.

Can she do a pro vs con analysis of each of the suitors... positives and negatives

Lets continue from there

bettydee: I don't get d question o,do u mean if she is working or wat

yep

what is she doing now

oya ooo... OP... ansa oooo

softsparkyy: Please help me ask Op what the lady wore during the hugging and wrapping of legs.

Wrapper?

Skirt?

Pyjamas?

Nightgown?

lingerie?

Trouser? or

pant.


When you advice girls to sit and close their legs like a lady, some people will shout,bark and ask you "Wetin carry your eyes go there". Very inappropriate for a married woman to such.