Xtabellah:
Hey hi, I know how you feel, but just take a chill pill, first I would advice you inform her parents of these developments so they could talk to her.. And yh someone was right when he said she and the guy might not be chatting, there is something I would like you to know about ladies, one way to get to a lady heart is attention, which is not by chatting, its by constant calls till she grows very comfortable ,and no call from you in a day could make her heart beat faster.. But I am not saying she is cheating please note.... Talk to her and let her know with the way things are going you might be forced to call off the engagement, ask her would she be comfortable if you are also calling a girl like that?
Lastly, don't answer those that said you should call the guy, he is not your problem, if your babe is loose to allow him, he is enjoying himself.. Work on your babe.

.


Truth. I asked for advise yes. But I already know what I will get from Nairaland. Insults and the rest. Most people think is easy to handle emotional issue until they afe there.
Due to constraint, I won't be able to state everything here.
We have spoken about this for a long time. She has said is nothing. From their conversation self there is nothing. But I realised she don't even wanna be with the guy. Nah Money she dey collect from the guy. She has told me that the guy gives her money. I come to understand is all these older men things and it hurt me more. That was what led to my reaction.
As it stands now, I have ddcdied to let her be till she is done with her thinking then we talk. If there isn't any chance for that, I move on

Mac2016:

Bro, be very very careful and watchful but stop reacting just watch, you will be glad you did.
You will surely make a discovery. She's been deleting her chat, some thing seems to be up her sleeves, I may be wrong but be very watchful and stop reacting. Don't marry yet sha

.

There is no discovery. She isn't deleting any chat. Can't you guys just understand the plain language when I said I had her WhatsApp for months.

Is like u reading my WhatsApp the moment it drops. There are other WhatsApp there to read that I can't be talking about.

Truth is, I didn't get any evidence on her phone. The calls too werent convincing.
Truth is, she don't wanna be with guy. Could be an older man. She just needed the money

mistijude:
Hmmmm, with this your statement, I want to believe you are a child or don't know woman enough.What does it take someone to chat and delete instantly?

LOL. You are the child here. If u don't know anything, ask and stop displaying ignorance

bethyz:
Give her type forget those telling you she is knacking this and that . They dont have any serious relationship everything na knacking according to them.


But wait oo you engage person you are not ready to marry just yet. Since last year.when last year?

LOL. Who says I wasn't ready to marry. Last year was just few weeks ago ohhh

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

Big red flag, she's actively deleting convos with the said guy

skyreaper:
Bro, you seem like a good man and normally I will usually read post like this and get one or two points from commentary then move to the next but I'll share my quarter. To be truthful, she may like you and she's only with you because you are the next available guy for marriage to her, that guy she calls and talk to everyday is who she really love. Forget the sacrifice you think she has done for you and even if she has had sex with you or you even disvirgined her or she bought things for your future home, it doesn't mean a thing to her. You are probably a relationship she's waiting to fall apart. Its just like a lady I did everything for, spent on, made comfortable but she has a friend that is always telling her, I'm only spoiling her to get under her pants, im too nice to her because that's how people pretend, nice people eventually change in marriage, she may even say you were pretending before and it's now she knew your attitude, thank God she didn't rush into marriage. Now whatever you do, she's only seeing the ulterior motive, the guy is probably brain washing her and using her to pass time, she went out with him on a special occasion and she lied about it to you is enough sign for you. Pls move on, she doesn't feel the same thing again and the truth is she never felt anything from the start. Pls if the second lady is someone you like, give the relationship a chance and trust me, she will use this second lady as another reason to break up with you that you were cheating on her that u were only seeing what you are doing.

All she's looking for now is a reason to break up with you without becoming her fault.

Pls if you are looking for a long term relationship with a lady, let her be the one to want you, let her be the one to want marriage, don't force it down her throat. Make sure you likes you with no reason and be wary of ladies that has lots of female friends or a lady that has a guy they call their best friend and pls don't date kids, its not about age, make sure the lady is matured in the mind.

God bless, you don't need to thank me, I look forward to your marriage post with someone that deserves you

I read your comments and pick out something.
Let me buttress, she doesn't have much friends and bestie before. The only thing there is that she is young. 22. She feels she still have enough time. She has said something like that.

But I can tell you that she wanted to be with me. She wanted the marriage. We have met with parents. But I guess something change along the line.
Her taste for money. We don't stay in same state.

She ain't getting close to the guy for Bleep or relationship, nah money. I sense the guy is older. Cos even their calls no gel well. No WhatsApp chats

Dirakamara:
Guy...if u like listen to nairaland guys advice.....they will make u end ur relationship and u might end up with someone worst. Be sure of any accusations b4 making a drastic decision... Thanks

I know nah. Check my quote, and see those I reply to.

I haven't seen any evidence. But something is going on.

I suspect is an older man. That's it

EduTechTainMent:


This action ain't cool. Why on earth would you hack her account. If you can go this far during courtship, I can imagine what you would do when you eventually get married to her. It's natural to be protective of what you cherish, but there is a thin line between love and obsession; between being moderately possessive and destructively jealous. Suspicion ain't healthy in any human relationship. The foundation of every relationship should be built on mutual love, respect and trust.

I also fault her though. Since she is committed to you and plans on getting married to you, there is a limit to what she should allow the opposite sex do.

If i say what I think you should do, this thread will be derailed.

Wish you the best.

Yea, I regretted it. Cos I didn't even get any evidence of cheating from her chats. It pains me I did that. She forced me to. I have learnt though

Maybe I should write any thread to explain better. But drop fdop your comment, I will cherish it

doris4u:

Sorry for derailing , how do u hack one's WhatsApp without having access to the phone

.

LOL. I am not saying shit about that

Serene123:
.

There is no discovery. She isn't deleting any chat. Can't you guys just understand the plain language when I said I had her WhatsApp for months.

Is like u reading my WhatsApp the moment it drops. There are other WhatsApp there to read that I can't be talking about.

Truth is, I didn't get any evidence on her phone. The calls too werent convincing.
Truth is, she don't wanna be with guy. Could be an older man. She just needed the money

Hacking her WhatsApp and
not seeing anything bad in the bolded show the kind of personality you have.

Goodluck man.

Hi my guy, I know its not easy being in this situation, but you must be very logical in approaching this issue.

You said in your words that she is only collecting his money. ...do you think he wont get something else in return? This action alone is a big red flag, an engaged lady collecting money and going on dates with another man....bad news loading.

She is already emotionally and financially attached to that man. There is a 99% possibility that they have already consumated their relationship.

By the way, why did she refuse to release her phone?...red flags.

Your not yet married and your having so many concerns.....so much so that you had to create a thread...red flags.

See all the red flags....not a good sign.
Most of the people commenting are doing it out of love not to hurt you.
My advice, give her the space she requested, but remove your mind from that engagement I have been there, this is not worth it. There is no management in marriage oh....Mark this space, dont go ahead with this engagement. Please, thank us on nairaland later. God bless.

anochuko01:

I want to assume the guy is a toaster but the girl still likes you. She's just enjoying the attention from the other guy, but if the said guy is a jagaban, he may find his way into your girl's pants or heart.
Wait for her to get her senses back then give her the option of choosing either you or the guy. Simple

Thanks. I don't think he is toaster. They are friends and he gives her money. I think he is an older guy.

I have decided to let her be though

lordswill03:
I had exactly similar experience! Now I'm married to her.... Alot to tell you but then can't type here. If you can send me a chat on 08038322116

I will do that right away. Thanks

Serene123:


Confuse

Haven't seen tangible evidence against her and the guy despite hacking her phone and reading all her chats for months.

Just the call that put me off. And the call have continued for months

I am torn between believing her or just calling it off.

Kick her the fùck out she's a dumb useless hoê

Linkuizzy524:

did you know?
You are very very stupid..
And who told you that your baby mama no got get another lover, just like that your babe?
You also is a confused soul,
do you want love or child?
Baby mama cannot give you love o, only child...
Your baby mama gat many client nahh.
So you want child alone bah?
Or what do you want?

Keep roasting the fish for me bro trust me love Na scam

megatron7:
I don't know why God create these girls they will just be fucking with someone's heart

it's the woman's nature to cheat. Know this and find your peace.

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

She might be the smart type, let her be bro

Pele, what I see here is: Nice baby guy dating a smart baby girl. Women cry for carering and men that gave them all their time but in reality my dear they doesn't like men that over pamper them. They might be with you but their heart is with the hard real men. That's how their brain works.

No woman will fall in love with you and leave you for 2weeks claiming getting back one mental stuffs. You would have dispute and settled it. Don't fall for this trap.

Most of us have once be in similar relationship where the man loves the girl but the girl loves another man vice versa.

Lastly, marriage is so boring and full of misunderstanding if only one person among the curple was in love. So, if you are not both having clear mind for each other you better leave her. That's thing you call feelings is just a psychology Infantuation.

You still can't blame the girl, one-way or the other you had also done such too to some one (perharps) by not giving your attention to lady that gave you attention for some reasons.

Marry your friend.

Serene123:
Please I will need your constructive opinion on this. Been battling with this thoughts for some time now.

I engaged my girl last year. Reason why I did engage her was because I saw her intent to be with me. I have seen her gave out her cash to help get somethings for our new apartment. She has even used her cash to buy some properties she wants in the house when we get married.
She has stood and defended me to her family on why she is getting married to me. She has really earned my trust and never regretted engaging her. She is one girl that every man will like to have as wife

In the course of our relationship months back, I noticed there is this guy that call her. I questioned and she said is just a friend. I have told her I am not comfortable with the call. Yes I have listened to the calls and it doesn't sound serious
On 25th Dec I place a call across to her phone and she wasn't picking. She later told me reason why she didn't pick.
While we were together I noticed she didn't pick cos she went out with the same guy I have been complaining about. I got to know via a pic.
She has insisted nothing serious is going on.
I was so angry and I needed to take her phone and check up something. We struggled with the phone and she injured her nails.. She is saying I am a woman beater and I have anger issue.
She started keeping to herself and phone and was bold to tell me that this action of mine has succeeded in killing the feelings she has for me.

She has asked for time to get her mental health back and for close to two weeks now we haven't been flowing well..

I have tried to talk to her so we fix this shit but she said she needs time.

I have decided to give her the time she needs while I focus on something else. Yes, I miss her

I won't lie, is emotional for me and someone is currently trying to fill her vacuum by being all nice. I am getting closer to her, but my heart still yearn for my fiance.

I don't know if I am doing the right thing by being close to another lady. I don't know if I should belivee her that she has lost feelings for me and move on.
I need your advise.

Sorry for the lengthy thread

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

Don't you think you already guilt blaming yourself? To me you did nothing wrong. This is a girl you want to marry o. If she had nothing to hide, I see no reason why she was dragging her phone with you till the extent her nails got broken.

Do know that women easily get emotionally carried away even if they know that the secret said guy is an unserious fellow who just want to play with their emotions at the detriment of their serious relationships.

She might be deleting her chats with the said guy. You think she will leave her sensitive chats in her phone when she knows she is planning of getting married soon? She won't want you to find out anything even if she is cheating.

She already knows you are suspecting something, that was why she went on guilt blaming you trying to manipulate you to believe you did wrong by dragging her phone with her and trying to check her phone. That's a tactic ladies usually use when they are cheating to make a guy seems like a monster why they are the victims.

If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't have been dragging her phone with you.

I will still suggest you look well before you leap. This type of lady won't respect you when you finally marry her. It will become worst.

Serene123:


That's what I sense. But this is someone that planning the whole stuff with me. She gave me reason to put that ring on her finger.

me I am blunt ,I will just tell you the truth and Bleep off,if you like listen if you like don't listen....


"Bro,she loves that other guy but that one is not committed and ready for marriage,she realized you were personally ready to get married if you get financial assistance and she wants to really get married too so hence the support from her.....she wants to marry you but it is the other guy that her heart yearns for.....if the guy decided to engage her right now,trust me she will quickly dump you like menstrual pad.......unless you want to end up with a lady that will bring in another man's child as your own........do not fall for psychological manipulation,cut the engagement off till further notice......be wise

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

chai! Another simply is loading.

Yadid:
[color=#770077][/color]When opinions are expressed from a place of stereotype and prejudice, they can be very harmful.

Look into the situation carefully and critically bro. For every negative doubt, give a benefit of positive doubt also. Most of the comments up there are condemning, not critical. There is no one size fits all advice or principle when it comes to relationships. Have it at the back of your mind that this is a peculiar case. In the spirit of fairness, consider humanity before gender stereotypes. You have taken quite a number of wrong steps already. An ideal man does not snoop or snitch. You have done both already.

Way forward? Be disinterested and you shall see everything clearly. I repeat, be disinterested. NOT UNINTERESTED. Once you are disinterested, she will give herself away. Females by nature cannot handle mystery. If you still don't get the gist I can explain further.

Issa simpu sturv!

Explain further Bro

extol1:

bro, she is deleting the messages after their chat. and u think they will just be making calls without chatting when it is not business dealing

the wisest comments

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

If you can't order her to stop calling and receiving that guy you are not yet a man

If you can have direct access to her social media accounts, I pity ur ass


If you want to know a girl, just get her facebook or instagram password and cross check last one year chat

Serene123:


Her chats, sms, messenger all clean.

Someting happened and her WhatsApp was showing on my phone for months without her knowing. I didn't see a single chat with the guy.
Not one.

What makes u feel you have her right messaging channels.

Bitvhes are smarter bro

I didnt insinuate anything ooo

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

Guy, follow your heart. Relationship is built on trust, stop the discreet investigation and go for what you want. From your write up, she helps out in certain areas and you love her. The guy in question might be her financier not necessarily a bedmate. To the best of my knowledge a woman has the ability to say no to a man to the extent of the man helping her out financially not minding he's actually getting anything in return. I have supported one of my exes with 50k during her Tm, but had never slept with her in our 1yr of dating. She turned down all my advances for sex, yet I loved her more than my main babe cos of certain xteristics I saw. At a point we became very good friends that my main babe knew her and we all became like a family. There's no girl you'll meet that never had a relationship before meeting you except the ones you deflowered. Act wisely in order not to lost a gold fish. Keep sending messages to her, break that gap between you and her immediately, the devil fights what is good. The Biblical Sampson killed the lion while on his way to Marry, so every marriage has a lion to be killed.So better kill yours now.

Serene123:
Please I will need your constructive opinion on this. Been battling with this thoughts for some time now.

I engaged my girl last year. Reason why I did engage her was because I saw her intent to be with me. I have seen her gave out her cash to help get somethings for our new apartment. She has even used her cash to buy some properties she wants in the house when we get married.
She has stood and defended me to her family on why she is getting married to me. She has really earned my trust and never regretted engaging her. She is one girl that every man will like to have as wife

In the course of our relationship months back, I noticed there is this guy that call her. I questioned and she said is just a friend. I have told her I am not comfortable with the call. Yes I have listened to the calls and it doesn't sound serious
On 25th Dec I place a call across to her phone and she wasn't picking. She later told me reason why she didn't pick.
While we were together I noticed she didn't pick cos she went out with the same guy I have been complaining about. I got to know via a pic.
She has insisted nothing serious is going on.
I was so angry and I needed to take her phone and check up something. We struggled with the phone and she injured her nails.. She is saying I am a woman beater and I have anger issue.
She started keeping to herself and phone and was bold to tell me that this action of mine has succeeded in killing the feelings she has for me.

She has asked for time to get her mental health back and for close to two weeks now we haven't been flowing well..

I have tried to talk to her so we fix this shit but she said she needs time.

I have decided to give her the time she needs while I focus on something else. Yes, I miss her

I won't lie, is emotional for me and someone is currently trying to fill her vacuum by being all nice. I am getting closer to her, but my heart still yearn for my fiance.

I don't know if I am doing the right thing by being close to another lady. I don't know if I should belivee her that she has lost feelings for me and move on.
I need your advise.

Sorry for the lengthy thread

All the years you stay for your parents house, you catch your mother larshe you old man? But she dey always get belly abi? Leave matter for Oga Matthias.

You self take some time, forget her matter and move on. The new guy get pass you. And if you nor play wise and shine your eyes, you go end up paying school fees for guy man seed.

Reconcile with her but before that let your loves ones know secretly and monitor her phone and feeling discreetly when she is back

Remijuice:
Lol..

There's a time my guy gf was seeing another guy but there's no much evidence.


My guy came to me for solution,, we hacked fb, no way,, WhatsApp, no way...

Then as a sharp guy,,,, I installed one hidden call recorder on her phone. I can't remember the name of the app again.

After one week I came to his house to check our trap. Immediately she went to the bathroom,, I uncovered everything.
We listened hurriedly to the audio from that particular number and other suspicious numbers..

My greatest mistake was not leaving that house before she come out of the bathroom.


Cos when she did, everywhere was gbas gbos!

Any girl, I repeat any girl that don't allow her guy to have unhindered access to her phone and social media accounts is a big term cheat.

If you know you know

Bros, you sef think am. Why will someone innocent and honest in a relationship go through the stress of struggling with her phone with you and even breaking her nails so that you don't view the content of her phone? I have been there. She is cheating on you. You don't need an oracle to tell you. They could be chatting on telegram or facebook or she might have another WhatsApp account. It will surely have a painful ending because she is emotionally attached to the other guy even when she is engaged. If you want to have peace of mind you better run as fast as possible from her. Phones these days have automatic call recorder. Just activate the feature on her phone and you will get your answers there

Serene123:


I have gone as far as secretly getting access to her WhatsApp. I didn't see any single chat with her and the guy nor another person. But the calls just keep pisisng me off.

I realised I shouldn't have gone that far. I should have just be calmed and let her do her wish

.

Wait..... Doesn't it sound strange to you that nothing on whatsapp?
I know of a girl who's currently cheating on her guy. She has two phones, two sim cards and two WhatsApp. Matter of fact, she doesn't even go home with the second phone coz her main guy can come to her house anytime. Fear woman bro.

Serene123:


Not chat. I can attest to that. I secretly had her WhatsApp on my phone for like a month without her ntoitce.

I saw other chats, but not that of the guy

Probably. You are not. Monitoring
Check her chats while she is online NOT when she is not online.

I only checked my girls chat when she is online.
It really helped me. And I tell you when girls know that you. Know what and when exactly they do things. Dear comes in. Brain resets especially when they know what is at stake or how.mich they have put into their relationship.