₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
You are very much an advocate for housewives.

1. How long should this be? For life?
2. Where do you place the woman's ambitions? Or you believe she should have none?
3. Do you believe women should go to the university? Further to masters etc.?

I admire your stance on family welfare; you are traditional to the core... The husband provides and the wife keeps the home. No having one's cake and eating it like typical NLers who believe a wife should contribute to the finances/ work outside the home and still be fully responsible for the domestics.

It's not as simple as you might have put it. But I'm obviously a conservative.

I believe a woman's first call is her home. Irrespective of the changing times, the office or wherever one makes his income is a warzone. It is precarious for family when both parents are at the warfront simultaneously trying to make ends meet.

Sometimes it can't be helped but it's the children who suffer the neglect and ill-exposure such arraignment brings.


A wife is free to pursue her own ambition when her children have attained a manageable age. No woman really likes to be idle. But a true wife always finds fulfillment in helping her husband fulfill his dreams. A true wife finds her dreams even up to 90% entwined with her husband's.

Women should attain education to the highest level if it falls within their interest.

If she's the career-first and family-second type of woman, she best get a husband who shares same value genuinely. But keep in mind that men are generally easy preys to homely and domesticated women.

Just about every profession needs a female professional, especially when it involves evasive procedures that gender sensitive people may find offensive.

eyinjuege:
OP, you have come with your copy and paste attitude.
You lifted this off the internet word for word, and you couldn't even put the link.Not only are you a confirmed gigolo, you also steal other people's sweat, without giving credit. Do you think that will make you look smart and intelligent?
Not one single bone of honesty and integrity in you. No single originality.
Shame really.
Anyway, I will do the needful, and give credit to the unique individual who sat down, took her time, energy and resources to write this from her heart.
Kudos Cathy Meyer - Cathy is a Master Certified Relationship Coach and certified Marriage Educator. She is also the Managing Editor of DivorcedMoms.com. For 11 years, Cathy was the About.com Expert to Divorce Support where she covered all aspects of the divorce process. And in her spare time she blogs for the Divorce vertical of Read More


https://divorcedmoms.com/what-is-it-about-marriage-that-causes-women-such-discontent/

Irrespective of our ideological difference in respect to the subject of discourse, I choose to concentrate on our shared value -- our common dislike for the OP and his intellectual dishonesty and fraud.


To that I must celebrate you.

2buffagain:
A lot of women these days are also not content just sitting down waiting for husband to bring them money...for good reason.
They are ambitious go-getters who make their bread and combine it with the man's to make bigger moves. Some of them are managers and successful entrepreneurs.
Are you saying these women do not deserve happiness because they are not dependent on some man's wallet?

Being ambitious is an old virtue and it's never been a crime. But it's benefits are measured by the sacrifices that was made to achieving such ambition.

Alas, for women most times it has to be little innocent children whose tender infant age are sacrificed to accommodate their ambition.

Irrespective of the politically correct cooperate media, career mothers and child rearing are oil and water that don't mix. One takes the back seat while the other gets the wheel. So your "manager and successful entrepreneurs" definition is as subjective as your pink-colourd binoculars.

2buffagain:
Times have changed sah. Economies have changed...so much so that one source of income is increasingly becoming not enough to run homes and put children through quality education to give them a better chance at the future.
Adaptation is, and has always been, the key to human survival...not "this is how we've always done it". Tell that to Kodak.

Also the fact that she stays home to raise children, doesn't mean she should be financially idle. There are several PROVEN online businesses she can channel her ambition into from the comfort of her home...as long as she has the ambition to follow things through.

The "power couple" route is generally the best way to go in this era.
Females can no longer afford to dull themselves....both for the good of the family they are building and for the good of themselves in case things go south in the future so they don't become a burden to extended family and children who may still be unstable in these rough economic climates!

This is not 1988 where as soon as you finish school you get multiple job offers with insane perks; jobs which instantly affords you a house. Is it business? Well markets are saturated and it takes pure grace to thrive in any endeavour today.
This is no longer the case anywhere on earth today and it will likely never be. My bible says things will only get worse as we advance in these last days.

So no, this your thinking sounds sweet, but it is for a by-gone era. Not this one.

What you failed to grasp is that women have always worked from the earliest civilization. They've never been idle. They've always done their bit keeping the home running with their financial contribution.

The only difference is that it never impacted on their ability to answer to their first calling -- motherhood!
Their work never dictated for them, they dictated for their work.

No one could give them a lousy 3month maternity leave or having to subject infants to daycare or employ nannies while they play the absentee moms.

Career always came second to the welfare and nurturing of the child.

Perhaps, your definition of adaptation is when mothers go to work 3 months after child birth while her child is being managed by a nanny and her breastmilk is being pumped away in the office restroom sink.

When mothers play the absentee mom and young children, even toddlers are raised like poultry birds in boarding schools. That's your definition of adaptation?

That's seems to me like an abuse of the grace to be a mother.

Elder0001:
Open your eyes ... this is 2018 not 1883

In other words you're trying to tell me that as the year progresses you seem to lose touch with the cardinal principles of lasting human values as they affect the society at large.

It's OK if you look longingly across the bridge to a life that appears glossy and attractive. If that's where your fantasy lies, then by all means set sail.

But it would be to you like a wave bolting down with great gust only to end up at the pebbled shore empty.

For many have threaded the path you seek but they found no satisfaction for their lustful and greedy souls.

Elder0001, I'm afraid your take on marriage as it affects the female gender is subjective to your personal perspective which unfortunately, is always tilted towards what's obtainable in other climes. But I won't blame you on that. It's a near nonexistence to find one whose outlook on most issues is completely unbiased.

With that in mind, let me address your views as expressed in your narrative;

Your opener "women are filing for divorce at a higher rate than men..." is based on research conducted in foreign climes and culture that is nonparallel to the locality which you hope to address. Here marriage is sought after like a precious treasure irrespective of the motive and expectations of the intended players. And yes, divorce is still viewed as a social stigma in this part of the world unlike in the climes from where you borrowed your narrative. You must understand the sociocultural differences in both climes and tailor your narrative accordingly.

Your point number 1 leaves me aghast. Most "progressive" thinkers like you fail to embrace the truth that the conservatives have a right to their choice just like you.

A woman who choose the honorable part of being a house wife, to tend the kids, look after the home and see to her Husband's needs is being ridiculed by your kind. She'd never feel insecure or have a lesser sense of self worth unless someone like you tell her she took a self-depreciating path.

Women who are fortunate enough to be house wives are the last line of defense against the sweeping assault besieging the family unit. They ought to be celebrated.

No amount of civilization can reverse the biological program that conditions women to look towards men for financial support. Even the few who are financially self reliant are by no means happier than those who depend on their man. Neither are women who out-earn their husband emotionally happy with the situation.

Let's just say man has always failed in his attempt at reversing nature.


@ point number 2;

Women were never designed from a perfect setup to be captain of their own ship. Not nature nor the CREATOR ever gave them that calling. Statistics backs me to pontificate that women find the greater joy when they help others (husband) achieve their dreams.

And no matter how evolved or smart we get, we just can't reverse nature. Career or not, a woman would still be required to do most of the house chores. She would even find her man less attractive if he does most of the chores.

The only good you can harvest from being a feminist apologist is verbal consent from your fellow emasculated men and a shrill chorus of approval from a bunch of no-good female recalcitrants. But when the mist is cleared reality paints a truer picture -- that feminism hasn't made women happier despite all the gains of gender equality.


@ number 3,;

Isn't much expected of man, to feed, clothe and protect his family? These he has been doing for centuries without complaining. So what's your point exactly?

There is gender expectations in marriage notwithstanding man's interpretation of civilization. The attempt by "progressives" as you to blur that line, to lump tasks and obligations aboard the marriage train without due regard to gender sensitivity -- with all the weakness and strength, pros and cons on both genders -- is the single biggest threat to the sustainability and preservation of the human race.

Early mention on an early Monday morning. Gimme a jiffy I'll be right back.

IhateInjustice:
Those were the times of war, God sent Christ to bring peace to us


Note: None of them were violent against their own people, partners and children.

So how do you reconcile the doctrines "spare the rod and spoil the child" and "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him" to your writeup?

[quote author=giftygirl1 post=71232148][/quote]I'm at a loss why you quoted us after the initial quote from elder. But if that was meant to draw my thoughts on this issue, well, here it is;



John 8:7 comes in handy when women gather around to garner support for one of their kind caught in adultery.

CHRIST was more concerned about the soul of the woman since her sin attracted the maximum penalty. It shouldn't be a classic example on how to forgive an adulterous wife.

Now coming properly to the issue of adultery: I wonder where today's women lost their common sense when it comes to understanding the cardinal difference between men and women.

There's a big difference when a woman is unfaithful and when a man is. And here are my points;

** Never at anytime did GOD permit a woman to be married to two men at a time, unlike men.

*** No known deity punishes a man because he is sexually unfaithful to his wife as long as the object of his unfaithfulness is not another man's wife.

*** GOD wasn't perturbed when Sarah offered her slave girl to Abraham to wife, but was ready to strike when Abraham willingly offered Sarah twice to two kings

*** Deut 24: 1-4 puts it even clearer.

*** 1 cor 11: 7b ...for the woman is the glory of man.

I'll reiterate what I've always said on this forum, sex takes place in the inside of a woman. That's why when a married woman commits adultery she is defiled spiritually and physically. And the nature of man doesn't permit him to ever regard the woman in the same way again.

Forgiveness in this regard doesn't mean taking her back as your wife.

You can càll me a sexist or something worse and I'll readily tell you that you're right, I'm guilty as charged.

Mindfulness:
I don't.

You're back from a forced self-hibernation.


So, tell me, how's life in Europe as an half caste outcast?

Last I checked, the whites called you a black African refugee, looking past your claim to their ancestral heritage.

Glory-graber!

TonyeBarcanista:
Blame the husband my brother! A man that allows a woman to prevent him from rendering help to his own blood!

I only spared her husband just to show respect.

ClassicQueen:
Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 2years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

You're kind hearted indeed and yet this was a quote from you;




"The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving"


And that's the reason for refusing to help. Not because you'd an unpleasant encounter with the little girl's parents; not because there's no spare room in your house but because they are dirt-poor. And you call yourself kind hearted.

No, you're not. You're a callous gatekeeper, a miserable one who drives a wedge between her husband and his own blood when they needed him.

And in your ignorance, you fail to realise your in-laws will figure you're behind your husband's refusal.

That's what you get went emotions countered sound judgement.

Before voting Buhari, did anyone care look at his precedent?

This man is unashamedly tribal.

To think those fools are going by their fathers' names is just mind boggling.

Be careful how you judge @earthbound. You may find yourself having some if not most of his traits.

His excesses notwithstanding, it's not easy being a parent. Age and experience will give you a better understanding.

Fearlez:
Mindfulness, the deactivated Carefreewannabe! I can see you have gone from a bitter angry woman into a scornful disillusioned bile of frustration.

Listen, even when you were married with a kid years back in the day, you allowed Nairaland compete for your attention with your husband. You were Carefreewannabe, a woman with a wild and burning soul alien to responsibility and dishonourable to any womanly virtues.

You divorced and letter changed monikers to lead the devil's charge in luring young impressionable girls into the dark loveless belly of your marital frustrations and sad life.

You're godless and soulless, a woman who looks at the world with scorn and hate.

You need a firm man and a strong dick to f(u)ck life's bliss back into your troubled soul.

Mindfulness:
Even your behavior on this forum screams omega. This is a fact! No man loved by ladies would talk the sh*it you talk here on a faceless forum.

Mindfulness:
By the way, the fact that you are shouting alpha and beta up and down here is a clear indication that you are not even omega.

Your assertions are as slippery as the murky discharge from your trichomoniasis infested cùnt.

Mindfulness:
Why don't you continue ranting some more how you are alpha because nobody actually believes it?

What you call boasting is a simple statement of fact. The distance between us not withstanding, yet my sheer power found you in your delusional Spanish castle, ripping your foundation of falsehood from underneath.

Mindfulness:
Is this supposed to hurt me? Try harder Mr Omega.

No, it's not. It's just a thud on your tranquilized consciousness lest you run along believing your own delusions.

CHoccolaTE:
Funny thing is that African men are the most disrespected and least taken seriously of all races. It's very sad.
Instead of trying to restore respect and regain a honorable position among other races majority of them are looking for how to dominate their women and forcing inferior status on them.
They are too scared to face men of other races so they take out their ego issues on women. I bet you if they go to any western country they would be extremely careful of how they address white women and would show them respect.
But they will see their fellow African women and talk thrash to them

And the African woman belongs in another race!

The earlier you realise you're imprisoned by your own misandria, the earlier you'd have embarked on your mental freedom.

Mindfulness:
Loved by everyone and living among males who have been enjoying stable electricity for decades and who are now building robots that will serve them in everything while you are still trying to train low self-esteem women to obey you.

Keep calling them beta from your SHYTEHOLE Mr Omega

Damn!

Every sinew in your body must have been made from inferior tissues. How cheap and self-depreciating can anyone get!

Are you not the mindfulness (I forgot your original handle) who has spend eons of ages here on this forum driven by boredom and loneliness?

Are you not the love-lorn and frustrated love seeker who spent her blossoming years basking in immorality.

The sun has gone down on your glory. Your best years are behind you. All that is left is anger and bitterness towards the male folks who took advantage of your feminine ignorance.

Your life is as transparent as a crystal pool and I can see its depth -- emptiness and aggression -- the hallmark of a loveless woman.