₦airaland Forum

GodnGold:
Postman abiakwa ozo ooooo!!!

What have I done now!!!

Audray:
*sigh*Why do you have to be such a pest? "newest female mercenary on the block "my a**

I think you're the pest here. What are you doing on this thread?

It was written by a man against women as a counter. Not against epicene fellows to which you belong.

Your inability to locate your kind to which you share affinity makes you the real pest and the true busy body.

firstEVA:
There is always a lot to learn from your posts, beautiful. it will take an evil man to still not treat his wife right when she loves her husband the way uve enumerated.

I'll break the bank
I'll risk the sack
I'll tell you that which
Has made me a wretch

I've missed you



#Don'tReply

redwriter:
My parents keep disturbing about church,bible,evening service,evangelism. It has got to the point that I'm stressed out,angry and depressed.
I want the right to choose whether to go to church.or not or chillax at home on a sunday if I want to.
I want the right to make my choices. But they treat like a child going as far as calling me to the family room twice today to warn me!
I don't want to go to church sometimes! Yes,I've said it. I believe in prayer and I also believe in hardwork and growing steadily. One way my family use religion to bully me is to quote testimonies of people getting miracle jobs in oil companies,people flying abroad and girls getting married. So my lowly job in a school is not a 'real job' and its beneath me.
Me,I hear about the miracle jobs and I wish them well but not everybody will work in oil companies. They seem to be really unrealistic in their thinking and expectations.
I guess religion does that to you.
I am tired. Everyday,I pray to be able to get my own place and leave. I will rather soak garri in my one room in peace than eat chicken where there is no joy.

You're right in choosing what you think is best for you. But why would you rather sit at home on a Sunday morning instead giving your MAKER that time to praise and thank HIM for a week just gone by and seek HIS blessing for the new week.

GOD doesn't joke when HIS children come together to fellowship, HE holds it dear. Try to be in church every Sunday except for reasons beyond your control.

Parents can appear overbearing at times and they may seem to push one above the limit, but in all that, there's always some truth in what they say.

You may want to give your spiritual life a second look, you may just be slacking off or hesitating in giving GOD more than you are currently giving. And this could be what your parents noticed.

Also, you maybe having a lower ambition for yourself than you are cut out for. If you give GOD more of your time in prayer and fellowship, you will know just what HIS plans for you are. And not even your parents can refute that.

Well, no one is perfect. Christianity is a tall and long walk. You'll get there I hope. Just draw a little closer to HIM.

bukatyne:
1. I agree wives should respect their husbands however experiences has taught me respect means different things to different people. And yes, you come across as a misogynist but again, that's my opinion not necessarily the truth.

2. We are saying same thing in different words. Why do I have to wait till I want something before I prepare his best food (if he has one)?.

Your number 2 is a die-for. But your number 1 seems to have its tail clipped on some controversy.

Generally, men have a universal concept of respect. It can be roughly, or vaguely summarised in the 3 factors cited above.

Maybe you've tried it out and it didn't yield much. Maybe something else was missing. In most cases, it's the chief of factors-- Love!

If a relationship or marriage has no real love as its foundation, other factors, including the 3 cited above, have very limited chance to create a lasting positive impact.

Why? Must women who see me as misogynistic happen to be feminists or feminist apologists.

PresVA:
I agree with you, esp No 1... Men love respect a lot. .. Even though me and my husband live like siblings, I don't cross my boundary. . I don't take his meekness for granted, I still make him feel like yeah he's the head..

Generally, I would do anything to make my husband happy because he deserves it and a lot more....

I can only say CONGRATULATIONS!!! You definitely are a rare breed, a horse with a different colour. Be blessed and enjoy your marriage!

Audray:
And...you must be the umpire. Did i mention your name here? Busy body.

You must no doubt feel like the newest female mercenary on the block, as you spray your bullets indiscriminately. Be careful, I have little tolerance for rude women.

bukatyne:
Nice writeup and I agree fully with points 2 & 3.

As for 1, not clear going by your previous posts.

I also do not understand the need to restrict 'special' meals till a wife needs something from her husband or wants to discuss with him.

I see it as an insult ..... Saying the husband is not worthy of the special meal on a 'normal' day however, I understand it works well for some folks.

Good morning! I was overcome by sleep that I could only read your post but couldn't reply until now.

@ first bolded sentence. I perceive I must have come across to you as a chauvinist of some sort, if not an outright misogynist, no thanks to my previous posts. But I'll be grateful if you highlight what areas in number 1 you aren't so clear about.

@ the second bolded sentence, I actually was saying that a wife could serve her husband his favourite meals without him having to make the request. Such gestures show she knows her husband so well and pleasing him is her top priority.

Audray:
.Oh puh-lease! Havent you got something better to hit at than my name and hair? Your first paragraph describes you perfectly well. Why not confute my points with "more sensible " ones since you are so "intelligent" Huh?. You keep whining"you are late!" "you are late!" like a darn four year old. Hell! I am late how? Late for"tide swinging?" pft. The point of my comment was to get you to see it which you have and are obviously so pained that using verbose insults makes you feel better. I stick to my earlier comments.
PS: My hair is "on" not "in" my head.
These nails on my fingers?...pretty sure they are mine.
See! You are not so perfect after all lezzlie...

OK. You've made your point. A good round of applause.
We call it a day now.

Except you acknowledge him as King and treat him accordingly, you're by no means his Queen --Postmann


The difference between a man and a woman runs deeper than just their physical make up and appearance. There're psychological and physiological divide that makes each sex completely distinct and unique. So much so that each expresses and reacts to certain gestures, moods, emotions, desires, and situations differently from the other.

On the individual level, most men and women have not invested enough time to study and understand these differences. Consequently, it has resulted in the miscarriage of good motives and gestures when conveyed across gender.
There is no other stage where this is more obvious than the marital front.

For instance, men generally handle stress by not focusing on the stress. They'd rather not talk about it, but prefere to deal with it by watching TV or reading a newspaper. Women on the other hand, handle stress by talking about it. So, the wife may adjudge her husband's male strategy of dealing with stress as "emotionally unavailable" while the husband may see his wife as nagging when she wants them to talk over some issues. The examples are endless.

So how does a wife convey her love to her husband, manoeuvring through the great male-female chasm, without getting misunderstood? How does she speak and act love in a language her husband understands? Remember, a wife's action to show love can be different from what her husband needs to feel loved.

Let's consider 3 factors:

RESPECT: Acknowledge him for who he is. He is your husband and that translates to mean he is your KING! One who sits above your pastor/pope, or boss and yes, your dad (Num 30:6-15).
Except you acknowledge him as King, you are by no means his Queen. Let him lead, and trust his judgment most times and you'll be part of his decision making.

He appreciates it when you seek his opinion and advice on even the little things that pertains you. Be they work-related, health or finance. Again, what a wife may intend as respect in her actions and what a husband needs to feel respected can be two different things.

APPRECIATION: There's nothing that saps out the drive, enthusiasm, and self-belief of a good husband than an under-appreciating wife. A man is hardwired to be a provider for his family. And he gets a lot of fulfillment from doing that and getting his wife's appreciation. A wife who makes him feel inadequate as a provider with constant complaints can make a good, hardworking man grow timid, unmotivated and drained-out.

But sincere, well timed praises for his good works, gestures and sensitivity can boost his ego and make him more successful with greater zeal to please his wife.
Serving him his favourite meal without his asking makes him know how lucky he was when he put that ring on your finger.


Sex is a responsibility


SURRENDER: The sex life of some married couples is nothing close to a hot romantic scene from your favourite soap opera. For some reasons a lot of women lose their sex drive in marriage. This is dangerous!!!

Now, we understand the road to getting women aroused is quite different to that of men. Women need lots of romance, communication, non-sexual touches, cuddling and all that to get aroused, but men can get aroused simply out of nowhere, just straight out of the blue! And he may reach out for his wife in an odd, not-in-the-mood hour.

But let's try to define sex: It's an act of union in intimacy; it is the fusion of two bodies, minds, hearts and souls as they become one in beatitude. It is simply love blossomed. But sex is a RESPONSIBILITY!!! (1cor 7:3-5)

That's the main point, it's a responsibility. Except for illness and some unbearable situation, a wife should endeavour to feed her husband's coital appetite as much as she possibly can.

A husband perceives his wife's regular sexual refusal as an act of rejection, a judgment against his attractiveness . He simply believes his wife doesn't love him. And a sexually starved man is an unfulfilled and frustrated man and can be up for grabs by just any lady that looks good enough to warm his bed.

If a wife gives in only when she's in the mood, then she runs a great risk of leaving her husband sexually unsatisfied most times of his life. A husband feels loved when his wife seldom turns his sexual advances down. Rather than turning him down, take his hands and walk him down the road to your arousal. That's not asking too much.

And you can go a step further to be the reality of his fantasy!!! He appreciates it when you initiate the act at times.
Waking him up from the deep, in the middle of the night with the heat of your passionate desire makes him feel desired like he's still that cute guy you fell for some years back.


N.B This is only a cursory illustration of how a wife can love her husband in a way he understands. It is by no means a scientific delineation on the subject matter.

Persephenee:
Till the 7th,couldnt wait...She'll be back!

Ok. Not so long. Was going to ask how long, but there you are.

Myopic, feminism, unrealistic.

He is a man, you're a woman
He has a probing pole
You have a gaping hole
Your lips are parted
Your labia are brushed aside
As he makes his way down into your fountain

You remain open while you receive him
He sank deep, deep into your abyss
Where your hands can never wander
He plants his seed deep within
He walks away, leaving no scar or trace on himself
But you carry the burden
It's a man world, he's a stud
You're a woman, and a hoe if you walk his path.

Quit the foolish comparison.

Persephenee:
Yes dear

Ok. I figured this is the new you and that the old one got the axe over some b-stuff.


Kpele.

DemiGoddess:
Ok...I rarely see you around here lately...what's up?

I've been a tad busier than before. But I'm running into a less busier week.
I'll be more active I hope.

DemiGoddess:
Was trying to correct the rapscallion's definition of 'maturity' and he called a 'hoodrat' and said some other obscene things. Imagine such impudence from an ordinary keyboard badass!

Let it slide. I think the class divide is vivid enough.

DemiGoddess:
Maturity? Your papa must be proud.You are a yellow-livered strutting popinjay trying to form badass on NL.You need to change company 'cause if that's your definition of maturity,the few population of respectable NL females wont want to be mature by your standards.Calling me a hoodrat? Mehn I havent laughed harder.Good Morning! and it is 'section' Mr Mature Guy!

I've never seen you this red-hot before! What exactly ignited the flames of your wrath?

Creamish:
u are one of the few gifted men going by the responses on the thread.. No one considered the hormonal changes as a reason.

Make I treat myself to some small laugh.
Heart warming compliment coming from someone like you....

Thank you!

Creamish:
Exactly.. well except the child was born out of wedlock.. otherwise, give her sometime. Its a recovery process for her. U shuld never try to replace communication with psychology or assumptions. Say it as it is...datz how u address issues.

Lots of men don't actually know this. They're ignorant of the changes that take place in a woman after child delivery.

BiafraBushBoy:
Whack thinking....

It is your type that are either Single or Very Loyal and Shy outside this NL!!!

Ask me why??

Nairaland is like your Inception!!

You don't wish to wake up from the fantasy you have created here!!

You have spent more time here than even the onwer of this site!!

Face the real world and know that your Opinion in this matter is WHACK!!

Hmmmm! That was some hot, dirty slap across the face of some dumb woman.

@OP,

From your post you said you've been married for a year and blessed with a beautiful daughter...

Should I take that to mean that your wife is just 3 months into her postnatal?

If that's the the case, you'll need to give her some little more time. It's normal for her to be less responsive to your sexual advances.

You can quicken the process of her sexual recovery by being extra romantic. You should know what used to turn her on before her child birth and work towards that line. Little non-sexual kisses, hugs and touches do great magic overtime. Also do a complete boxers and singlet/t-shirt overhaul. This will definitely catch her attention at her vulnerable moment. Hopefully she'll start having thoughts of intimacy about you.

cionon:
I am christain. I wasn't discussing marital issues with her. I was trying to conceive then. So I met her for advice on her she conceived her after 5years of marriage. That's how it went. He is really serious with the divorce. I don't want the divorce. I have begged him for another chance to change where I wronged him. But he has bluntly refused.

Forgive my misconception.
Since you're christian you'd be familiar with what I'll have to say.

It's a battle of the knees. Men may cheat, but are less likely to leave home over a mistress. Most women who are intentionally home breakers can be diabolic.

I'm not saying that this is your case but you'll need prayers.
If you are involved in a church, seek a prayer group and let them join hands with you.

I'll also advice you keep yourself sexually pure through out this travail, so that when it's all over, there would have been no stain of regret and guilt niggling over your conscience.

Good luck!

@OP,
Your msg isn't so detailed but I should point out that you probably were wrong to have discussed your husband and marital issues with your neighbour and kept the so called advice to yourself until the day you had a misunderstanding with your husband.

Naturally, he would wonder if there's more you've kept away from him. That's coupled with the fact that you just gave him a crude shock that you discussed him with your neighbour.

This is not to excuse his unfaithfulness.

What's your creed? Muslim? Christian? I'd advice you pray seriously. Divorce is no joke.

lolaed:
Are you the ex governor's ex wife?I heard That's the person who wrote the piece.

A simple apology would have made your day a tad better. It would have lifted your spirit a little higher. You would have been a better neighbour with a better sense of humour.

Toks2008:
It is no longer news that tradition is the opium of the people and no one is contending that.

But when it comes to marriage,while some believe that without paying of bride price,the man can not be said to be married to a lady and some believe that without the white wedding,a marriage can not be said to have received GOD's blessings.

Well i'm not here to discus on that aspect of marriage and i had to drop this quick one as a result of the mentioned i got on a thread relating to this.

[size=13pt]I am not sorry to write this...

Any married lady who never had a legal wedding otherwise called Court or registry wedding is as good as single.Quote me anywhere in the world.[/size]

And this is very true for some reasons but i will mention a few.

1. He can not just wake up one day and say he does not like your face again and send you out of your matrimonial home.
2. He dares not marry another wife except he divorces you
3. He must have a valid reason for divorcing you and must be able to convince the court.
4. You have protection under the law for yourself and your child(ren) in case he dies

I can continue to list several other reasons but let me just stop here.If you like, say you trust your husband,he loves you,he can never treat you bad..O.Y.O lo wa.

If you like let the man spend 1billion on your traditional wedding and do a white,blue,green,indigo wedding with a trillion naira. The fact is that these two ceremonies combined with all the money spent is not as binding and constitutional as a simple court wedding with just 4 people in attendance.

Unfortunately we have seen many people getting away with bad acts despite the fact that they had a legal wedding but the reason is because the affected individual usually lets go without putting up a fight due to high cost of legal battle and no thanks to parents and family members who always preach to them that "what is yours will always stay with you" and that they should let go which i see as stories for the gods.

Ladies be wise..as an endangered specie in the cruel world of men,legal wedding was specifically created to protect more of the lady's marital right so take advantage of it or ignore at your own risk.

I will stop here.

So how many marriages has court wedding saved?
Rather we hear flimsy reasons like "irreconcilable differences", "lack of passion", "he is not always home" etc, as reasons for divorce. And now in one of the Scandinavian countries, it is been canvassed that adultery shouldn't be a determinant for filling for divorce!!! Yes, you heard right!

Fact is, man's law offers no true solution to marital problems. And no man born of a woman, who sits on a high bench of legal proceedings will ever determine if my marriage stays or fails.

EfemenaXY:
This definitely is the joke of the century.

Please get your emotions in order and stop ovulating over the simple truth embedded in my little submission.

My father, like most men of his generation met my mother a virgin like most women of her generation.
Eat that for breakfast.

lolaed:
At least credit the author

That's as original as it gets.
And for all honesty, it's only a mild prose that sits right at the bottom of my list of self written compositions.

Fairytales:
Will you still marry him knowing the following;
1. He can marry other wives with ease
2. He can kick you out at any opportunity he gets
3. You have no protection under the law in case he dies.

Pls men, instead of ruling out white wedding, you can do a small one if money is your consideration.

Matured advise.

1 & 2 are deal breakers. No woman who is worth her salt will walk into a union with a man who has made it clear that he would take routes 1 & 2 for the slightest of reasons.

Number 3 smells like a coded phrase for court marriage. A man can still hand his property to his wife in the eventuality of his death. And he doesn't need a court marriage to do that.

I have little appreciation for man's law that meddles into marriage.

It's hard to be realistic at times when one has to consider several factors (religious,moral and gender).

The patient woman is victorious, an overcomer who won a great battle that her lineage will not have a bondage of broken marriages. She deserves a crown no human is worthy to place on her head. Such an honour belongs to her MAKER. The ONE WHO has eternal life, and grants it to the humble and low of spirit.

Sometimes only the truth that this world is only a tiny fleck of eternity, can someone put up a great courage to do the impossible, crazy stuff that could be called a waste of time or dehumanising.

Morally speaking, who's to say where divorce will lead to? Someone worse more likely. If children are involved, which man will take them as his? Stepfathers who are good are uncommon, some seduce their stepdaughters. Or if the woman plans to remain single, she'll fight a life-long, steep battle she most likely won't overcome. She hardly will overcome her sexual urges. And when she does give in, it will be a cheap, dehumanising ride with her body serving as a playground for another man's sexual sport. The first marriage, most times is worth giving as many chances as possible. The other side isn't as green as one may think.

Ok, going gender bias now:

Yes, Virginity isn't a determinant that a man will be faithful to his woman.
But considering the nature of the respective sex organs of both sexes, women who have not kept their bodies for their husbands during the time they got into courtships and dating younger men , should take the backseat when talking about cheating.

The sex organ of a woman is built in such a way that it tells about her sexual journeys. For every of her sexual escapade, there is an engraved cicatrice left in her womanliness. One that she will bear visibly all her lifetime. And present to her husband as a gift of a life-time bond.

It is this fleeting reality of the truth that makes it easy for women to spread their legs easily and bring whatever is left of her remains to her husband when matrimony calls.

ziego:
Just walked into cobblers shop in calabar and saw this beautiful lady and I asked about her husband
She boldly replied that she can handle whatever I have come for that the husband just left.
I was amazed and gave her my shoe
To my surprise she did better than I expected.
I smartly took the shot so she don't catch me on act.
Now the question is how many ladies can do such a job?

I commend your intentions trying to motivate women to be hardworking, but why abuse that poor woman's privacy putting up her pic on Africa's biggest forum without her consent? You even knew she might object so you did it without her knowing.

Whatever spurred your otherwise good intention has been tainted by the evil of insensitivity and lack of respect for her.

You better blur her face with a software or go back and tell her what you did and get her permission.