₦airaland Forum

Chrisbenogor:
I can feel your passion about this, I would not say the issue of tribe is trivial. It does take two willing families like I said.
Let me give you an instance, there are places where you get married from where the woman's body has to be returned to her village after she dies. So in essence she is being loaned to where she is getting married to, I have seen traditional marriages stall way into the night because of this very issue. There are also certain places in Nigeria that have peculiar culture, for instance if your brother is to get married to a girl outside the east she has to understand what going back home to the village every christmas means - if the girl however grew up in a tribe that believes witches and wizards abound in the village you kinda get a picture of where your parents are coming from etc etc. Some tribes in Nigeria are prone to polygamous homes, in some you find where women have children for different men.Sometimes it is just general, his immediate family or your immediate family might not really practice some of these things. You must however realize that your parents perception of things is their reality.

I am of the strong opinion that while most of these things hold true, they do not hold as potent a force as they used to during our parents time. Primarily because most of us were brought up outside the village and as such these ties are not as strong. How do you go about fixing this, well you have to somehow show that you have had enough experience with this guy to understand what you think it would takes to be married to a Benin person (your partner in particular). In influencing people you have to choose an effective method, for instance your mother would probably be more inclined to hearing things like this is my happiness, this is the only person I can be happy with.......As a man I may not be moved by stuff like that, he might like to first know the immediate bio of the guy,
Is he a graduate?
What does he do now?
What type of person he is towards making future plans?
What type of home is he from, Wealthy? Royal? Polygamous ? Broken home? How do you think this has affected him? What do you both see as what marriage entails?
Does he have any burden? First son, has to pay school fees?

The summary of what I am saying is that you have as much as you can thought of, inquired and understood what it takes from your own small knowledge and you see that this can work. Then add that ultimately your love for each other would make sure that in the areas that would be difficult you would be able to get through it.


Finally, there are many people out there who go against consent and get married any how. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. It depends on your background, his background, your risk aversion etc etc. I wish you the best.


Cheers.

jnrbayano:
Are you talking about "oru" or "osu"?

jnrbayano:
I will marry her if I love her but that won't prevent asking questions to know the history of/with being associated to/with Osu.
"Oru" means a slave.

doublezero7:
I don't think so ma'am! Doing that would make them seem unserious!

ayili:
I don't think so because between now and march is too short a time for
1. CPIs to submit lists
2. Prospective corp members to register online
3. NYSC to pass out A14 and prepare camps to accommodate A15
4. It's too impromptu to retract the current timetable and approve a new one

dexcira:
I doubt, wish they can, they just elongated our holiday for no reason, Mitchewww

sleekyonyx:
My dear pray hard, with God ALL things are possible....
86 days to go!

dexcira:
I doubt, wish they can, they just elongated our holiday for no reason, Mitchewww

bellong:
Good, keep acting fine. It is good that the guy is open and firm with you. I wish you the best in the relationship.

bellong:
Good, keep acting fine. It is good that the guy is open and firm with you. I wish you the best in the relationship.

MarvellousGod:
Op, you are simply selfish.... You don't even care about how your partner feels, all you desire is to always have your way...smh


i like this your fiance, he tells you when you are wrong so that you improve and grow.... Anyone who hides the truth from you doesn't love you..

jmoore:
You are free to date or marry a man with no balls.
Na your choice. But robots can fail to perform sometimes.

bellong:
These guys you described are typical "MUMU" and they are what Yorubas refer to as "Gbewu dani" (Someone with better English skill should help translate).
When a lady starts to act like there is no one like her as if what is in between her legs is made of diamond, then she should get ready to become a prayer point in her church/mosque/shrine when the time comes.

Only the guys who don't know what they want that will dance to the "nonsensicals" of their fiance/girlfriend. If you think no one is better than you, the door is wide open to take your exit. There are always better ladies in all aspect.




This guy's head "dey" there... . I hope you learn how to act in a relationship with him and not expecting him to become your footstool.

Decisions in relationship/union are taken with inputs from both parties and not one dancing to the music of the other everytime. And when the need arises, the man should be able to stand his ground not minding any emotional blackmail from the opposite sex.

iseleiyanu:
I'm a Yoruba guy, can u pls explain OSU to me?

LordReed:
You are heading for trouble if you judge the success of your relationship by how much you can subdue your man. Be too sure that your attitude will backfire on you especially if you carry it into marriage.

coogar:
you are asking if it's right for a lady to marry a doormat man? of course, what's not to like about it? you call the shots. even when he's right, he must apologise to you to satisfy his queen.
your mates often do juju to achieve this feat. i think that's the way you should go about it too so you can be absolute sure of his servitude towards you. make sure he washes your undies too while you are at it. this is the 21at century - when you want something so badly, just go for it.

cococandy:
Sounds like you want someone you can control easily and who will let you get away with all sorts of stuff.
That's not healthy.

I dont want someone I can control easily dear. I know it is not healthy. I just miss my upper hand days as said by jnrbayano. I simply miss my gra gra days.

In a relationship both partners should always be ready to consider the other person's opinions but you want to be having your way all the time.

I dont want to be having my way all the time. I wont feel good either if my partner wish so.




Even if you find such a man that will always want things to be done your way, It is still not good for you because one day you will be making a grave mistake and even if he sees it, he won't want to correct you because you won't even give his opinion a chance then it might be too late before you realize he was right.

Exactly what he do tell me. Thanks

Why be in a relationship made up of two people if it must always be about you?
I dont really know. Lol

jnrbayano:
In your previous relationships, you had your way almost all the time and you enjoyed it.

Now you are engaged to marry, you made a thread to narrate your previous "upper hand" experiences and how you have lost it in your current relationship.

One of your rejoinders/question reads, "I asked if it is bad for a lady wishing to have a man he can SOMETIMES have her way with"

This finally conveys the thoughts behind this thread which is; you miss your upper hand days somehow

To answer your question, I wish to remind you that a relationship isn't a one way thing but a union of two consenting individuals.

Being a union doesn't mean you guys are in a competition, you are not, rather you compliment each other.

Someone said you should grow up, I believe she meant you should learn the word "compromise" and to realise it is key to a successful marriage. (I believe marriage is now very close in the horizon)

My people will say, "a nu m di na nwunye a bughi egwu achi utaba n'aka agba" translated to, "marriage isn't a child's play" thing

alutacontinua:
Sounds like my high school relationship!
Chaiiiiiiiiii!!! That boy suffer for my hand sha ooooo
but the thing sweet small sha
op, 2 words for you-GROW UP!

undercat:
If you keep chipping away, you will wear him down eventually. Persevere. All the best!

freecocoa:
No, I don't feel like having my way, rather I feel like we should be able to always make the right decisions together.
Of course there are and will be disagreements, instead of wanting to have my way regardless of how my partner feels, I try to make him see reasons with me, or at most we reach a compromise.

I get you dear. Thanks. Thats how things suppose to be sha

mutter:
You appear to be toying with men and testing your boundaries.
You certainly had the pants on in you other relationships.
So now you are playing the docile girl and your claws have been drawn in but what happens when you get married. The honeymoon is over and then you want your own way and he refuses. He also does not come begging.
Will you still accept that he is having his way.

Ma pls I am not toying with any man. Well,my man is not the type that like having his way. He accepts his wrongs and apologize when need be, so do I.
Just that the gra gra some ladies do is not in his book.

freecocoa:
Hian! What kinda reasoning is this one?

crackhaus:
Your fiance is the kind of man I would share a drink with - love your woman wholeheartedly but never take shiit from her unless there is a reason to.

You should be happy because what this means is that he may also be the kind of person that cannot be easily manipulated or dictated to by random women, don't you like that?

ireneony:
is esan culture in edo state that does it

monalicious:
Its not found amongst d binis.i know esan people do it,and some other part of edo state,like the usen people, binis dont do it.a bini woman is buried in her husband's house.

ebuetor:
i will update my profile very soon. My number will be there.

ebuetor:
hmmm...thankyou. Your words felt like cold waters poured on ones head. Thankyou.
Ministry.No not at all. But as at yesterday, i still try to help on a one on one bases.

elantraceey:
Yes i was

elantraceey:
I've never heard of this

eunylondon:
I mean for those dat registered in dia schools during d previous batch (batch C). If u didn't go with batch C, u hv to register again for dis batch A. It happened to me. I was supposed to go with batch C'14 but my name was mistakenly omitted so I missed it. But I hv also registered for this batch A. I hope you understand now.

eunylondon:
This is a new batch, it has nothing to do with the former one. Better go n do d mobilization reg in ur school now before it's too late.

Luchiana1:
Friends dont forget to go to your school (student affairs) and apply first In time for this batch A 2015 den u wd do ur online registration ind month of march...Go before its too late so u wont miss ds batch.