₦airaland Forum

I am an AA BBW woman and I have always been approached by Nigerian men since I was 18 years old. I began to think that Nigerian men liked BBWs because I was approached by so many of them. I have enjoyed the company and attentions of a few (3) Nigerian men and they always treated me with affection and respect. That is why I never bash the guys because my experiences have been good overall, with the exception of my first Nigerian b/f who interested in finding a way to stay in the US. As for the Naija men dating BBW AA women for papers only, I have dated 3 Naija men in my life. Two were US citizens when I met them and both of them proposed marriage to me. They needed no papers when I met them. I can only guess they wanted something other than papers from me when I met them. Maybe, just maybe, they liked me despite my being a disgustingly, fat, stupid, useless AA BBW.

Let me first say I have no children of my own that I birthed. I have assisted in rearing countless children as I used to work in a foster care agency and I had three step children when I was married that I raised. I believe that there should be a balance between the physical rod and the virtural rod of correction (for lack of a better term). I, like other posters, have noticed that in the US, blacks administer physical discipline more than other races, but the jails are filled with our kids and young adults. I believe many times that we beat the children after the child has already learned bad behaviors. When the child is young, every thing is "cute" to some parents and then they want to correct when out in public after the child has run wild at home. This will not do.

If you correct a child, whether physically, or through other serious discipline methods, WHILE THE CHILD IS YOUNG, you can avoid much with children as they get older. Let the child know you are not playing at the outset, and you can be pleased with the results. Bend the sap while it is young. It will not break. The most important thing in raising children is to be consistent with administering CONSEQUENCES for bad actions. If the child knows there will surely be trouble for bad behavior, they will obey.

@ifyesedebe

Please provide the full website name for your blog. I would love to visit it!

I dont know if you still need this information but I practice in Tennessee. I met a lady from Nigeria who told me she was allowed to sit for the Tennessee bar with just her law degree and that she did not have to do any additional coursework. If you would like to talk with me about this, hit me up.

Online dating is a good introduction point. I would not use it if there is no definite time table for meeting in real life. One should always take the utmost caution and should weigh every statement carefully made by your online friend. You can meet some great folks but there are also some real losers.

To the original poster:

This is an old thread but let me say one thing.  I was once in your situation and my husband was shamelessly carrying on an affair.  I was a born again Christian wife who withheld nothing from her husband.  I submitted to him and attended all his needs as I was aware of them.  He did not want that type of life.  He found another lady and wanted the good wife at home and the hell cat in the street.  I fasted and prayed for 1 year and God gave me a friend, a female friend, who was going through a similar situation.  We studied the bible together, sought the face of God together and were one another's shoulder to cry on.  You know what, neither marriage survived.  She has remarried a wonderful man and is very happy.  Her former husband is a wreck.  My marriage ended in divorce as well and I prospered spiritually and physically.  My exhusband married the woman he had an affair with and had 2 children.  Well, the lady got on cocaine and has had numerous affairs in their marriage.  My exhusband is reaping what he sowed.

I did not discuss the marriage closely with other men.  There were plenty of men interested in me.  One pursued me diligently but I could never respond favorably to him because I was a married lady.  I would tell the Lord all the time:  "God, if I did not enter this marriage according to your will and if I was in error, please at least let me leave it as you would have me leave."  My husband left me.  I was freed from my bondage.  God truly blessed my life for all the hurt and pain.  Do not curse yourself.  Your desire to have a male friend is understandable.  You want the affirmation of a man because your husband has withheld it from you.  But, do not be deceived!  You are setting the stage for you to act out your true desires.  You want to be loved.  There is no shame in that but do not break your marriage vows, and do not make life convenient for it to "just happen."

Seek Godly wisdom.  God will not fail you.  Pray and ask God to forgive your husband, forgive the other women, and to forgive yourself.  I prayed all the time whenever the affair came across my mind for forgiveness to us all, but most of all I prayed that I not be bitter after it because I have seen so many women ruined by bitterness.  I hope this season has passed u by now, but if it has not, please consider my words.  And if there are any other similarly situated men or women, please do likewise.  It is so much better to try to do right in the beginning than to repent in the end.

@rdsey,

If you feel you are being used, go with your feelings. Love yourself first and dont feel you have to help him do anything. You dont want to live in regret. Cut your ties and move on. If he is treating you this way now, he will only get worse.