This last comment is so true. Change can only be had if she wants it. It is a very hard stronghold to pull down but with proper weapons through God, strongholds come down! I pray for her deliverance and your marriage. You aare a very wise man and have conducted yourself with wisdom and lovee. Continue to use Godly wisdom because carnality and worldly wisdom wont stand in this battle.

Dearest cocoman,

I am not in the least angered by your comments, but I will again respond to each of your points to make sure I am clear regarding my position.  I did not want to be this detailed in responses, but I will speak to each point for the sake of clarity.  This information may help you understand my feelings, even if we never agree upon the way this matter should be resolved if at all:

1) In America, the law does not punish somebody based on the crimes of his/her spouse. In this case your are no longer married to him, but even if you are, there is no way you can pay for his crimes.

I NEVER SAID THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BE PUNISHED FOR HIS CRIMES.  I SAID I DID NOT WANT TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS MISDEEDS AND DEBTS.

2) Only in debts incurred during marriage are both parties responsible. If he incurred depths during the time you are married to him, then you may be responsible for the payment after the divorce. However, this debt is usually split between you two. If he makes more than you, or if you are not working, you can easily be absolved of the responsibility, especially if you prove that you are not aware of such debts.

AS A PART OF OUR DIVORCE, WE DIVIDED DEBTS.  MY HUSBAND OBTAINED LOANS IN MY NAME THAT I WAS NOT AWARE OF UNTIL AFTER THE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS WERE OVER.  MY EX-HUSBAND NEVER EVEN PAID THE DEBTS THAT WERE REFERENCED IN OUR DIVORCE DECREE.  IN AN EFFORT TO GO ON WITH MY LIFE, I DID NOT PURSUE A SEPARATE ACTION AGAINST HIM TO BE REIMBURSED FOR THESE  DEBTS.  EVEN IF I HAD PURSUED MY EX-HUSBAND FOR THE MONEY ON THE DEBTS THAT I PAID, HE CHANGED JOBS OFTEN AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TIRESOME AND FRUSTRATING TO KEEP UP GARNISHING HIS WAGES FROM JOB TO JOB AND CITY TO CITY.  SOME DEBTS WERE FORGIVEN BY THE CREDITORS.  OTHERS WERE PROVEN NOT TO BE MINE.  OTHERS I SETTLED FOR LESS THAN THE AMOUNT THAT HE RAN UP.  HOWEVER, I SPENT COUNTLESS HOURS TRYING TO CLEAR MY NAME FROM HIS DEBT AND BAD ACTS. 

3) Any debt incurred over seven years, should no longer be counted as your record. This should already have been removed from your record. If it is still there then you can easily file a petition for them to be removed, you don't need your ex-husbands help in this. Even people who filled for bankruptcy over seven years ago no longer have any record of it in their record.

WHEN I SAY I DO NOT WANT TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS MISDEEDS AND DEBTS, I AM NOT TALKING ONLY OF FINANCIAL THOUGH YOU STATE THAT ONE CAN ONLY HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR A DEBT FOR SEVEN YEARS, THIS IS NOT FULLY TRUE.  UNDER THE FAIR CREDIT REPORTING ACTS, BAD DEBTS CAN ONLY BE REPORTED ON YOUR CREDIT REPORT FOR 7 YEARS.  THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE DEBT CAN BE ENFORCED AGAINST YOU IS GOVERNED BY THE STATUE OF LIMITATIONS IN THAT STATE.  JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE OUTSIDE OF THE 7 YEAR PERIOD FOR REPORTING, DOES NOT PRECLUDE A CREDITOR FROM ATTEMPTING  TO COLLECT ON THAT DEBT.  NOW, FOR ME, THE LARGER PROBLEM WITH THE WHOLE THING WITH MY EX IS NOT THE ENFORCEMENT OR COLLECTION OF THE DEBTS, BUT RATHER THE APPEARANCE OF OLD DEBTS OR SOLD DEBT, WHETHER IT IS VALID OR NOT, AND THE EFFECT IT HAS ON ANY MORAL FITNESS INVESTIGATION I MAY HAVE IN THE FUTURE.  THESE BACKGROUND CHECKS ARE VERY INTRUSIVE AND GO BACK 10-15 YEARS.  THEY ARE NOT JUST STANDARD CREDIT CHECKS.  THIS IS MY FEAR AND MY CONCERN.  IT IS NOT SO MUCH THE ENFORCEABILITY OF ANY DEBT, BUT RATHER THE IMPLICATION THAT I WAS SOMEHOW RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE DEBTS AND ACTIONS OR INVOLVED IN THEM.

3) In America, the law does not regard married couple as one. Everybody his answerable before the law for his crimes. If you husband was married to another person during the time he was married to you, this is a crime that he committed, and there is no way you will be demanded by the law to pay for it. The best you can do is report it to the law as soon as you found out. Actually you are the victim, you can even sue him and get compensated.
If this is actually true, then this is a good way for you to get out of the debts. If you can prove that he was already married before he married you then you marriage can be nullified and you may get absolved from any debt incurred during the illegal marriage. But in this you don't need to contact him. Since you are the victim, you can get a lawyer to represent you.

AGAIN, I NEVER SAID I WAS WORRIED ABOUT ANSWERING FOR MY EX-HUSBAND'S CRIME.  THE CRIME OF BIGAMY, IF HE HAS COMMITTED IT IS HIS OWN TO ANSWER FOR AND NOT MINE.  THE LAW DOES TO A GREAT EXT, HOWEVER, RECOGNIZE THE LEGAL FICTION OF HUSBAND AND WIFE BEING ONE.  THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATES, LIKE CALIFORNIA , FOR INSTANCE.  THE CREDIT ACT HAS CHANGED A LOT OF THIS BUT THERE ARE STILL VERY SIGNIFICANT VESTIGES THAT REMAIN.  FOR INSTANCE, A MARRIED PERSON IN MY STATE CAN NOT BUY REAL PROPERTY WITHOUT THE SPOUSE JOINING IN AS A BUYER UNLESS THE SPOUSE FULLY DISCLAIMS ANY RIGHT IN THE PROPERTY.  THIS IS A CARRYOVER OF  THE LEGAL FICTION OF HUSBAND AND WIFE BEING ONE.  THIS IS IN THE CIVIL ARENA AND NOT IN THE  CRIMINAL ARENA.  IN CRIMES, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.  I DO NOT BELIEVE I CAN SUE HIM FOR MONETARY DAMAGES FOR THE CRIME OF BIGAMY IN THIS STATE.   THE BIGAMY STATUTE DOES NOT CREATE A PRIVATE CAUSE OF ACTION IN IT, SO THIS IS PURELY A CRIMINAL OFFENSE.   EVEN IF I COULD, IT IS NOT PALATABLE TO ME.  VICTIMS USUALLY DON'T HIRE ATTORNEYS WHEN THERE IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE INVOLVED.  THE PROSECUTION ATTEMPTS TO SECURE A CONVICTION. THAT IS ALL.

4)Most lawyers in serious cases get get another lawyer to represent them. The fact that you are lawyer doesn't mean that you have to represent your self. In a case like this, you are the victim, in-order to convince the judge that your ex-husband is a liar, you should show the steps that you took to avoid him. Most lawyers would file a restraining order, and get a lawyer to represent them. This will show the judge that you are traumatized by the experience and doesn't want anything to do with him any more. If he was a liar and you don't want to deal with him again how come you still call him? He can make a case against you for stalking. Did he tell you that it was okay for you to call him? The fact that you were married to him doesn't give you the right to pick up the phone and call him anytime. His wife could sue you for disturbing her family, and harassment. If you are truly a lawyer then you are approaching this issue like a novice.

I DON'T VIEW THIS AS A "SERIOUS CASE".  I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FROM THIS GUY AND HAVE REBUILT MY LIFE.  I HAVE ALWAYS FEARED THAT IF I WERE TO ATTEMPT TOO GAIN LICENSURE IN ANOTHER JURISDICTION THAT SOME OF THE SAME PROBLEMS WOULD HAVE TO BE DEALT WITH AGAIN.  THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I FEEL THAT ANY OTHER LAWYER WOULD PROBABLY REPRESENT THEMSELVES ON.    I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET THAT MOST LAWYERS WOULD ATTEMPT TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER FROM.  RESTRAINING HIM FROM WHAT? CONTINUING TO BE IN A MARRIAGE WITH A LADY I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT?  A RESTRAINING ORDER IS USEFUL WHEN SOMEONE IS VIOLENT AND A RESTRAINING ORDER IS TEMPORARY BY NATURE.  IT IS A PRELIMINARY REMEDY ON THE WAY TO A PERMANENT ONE.  IT IS NOT APPLICABLE IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS.  IN MY PREVIOUS POSTS, I STATED THAT I WANTED TO PETITION THE COURT FOR AN ORDER DEEMING THE MARRIAGE VOID.  THAT IS THE REMEDY FOR AN INVALID MARRIAGE IN MY STATE.  I DON'T NEED TO PROVE THE GUY IS A LIAR.  ALL I WILL NEED TO DO IS TO PRODUCE THE MARRIAGE LICENSE EXECUTED BY HIM SHOWING THAT HE WAS MARRIED WHEN HE MARRIED ME.  I WILL HAVE TO PROVE THAT HE DID, IN FACT, ENTER INTO A MARRIAGE SOLEMNIZATION WITH ME AFTER THIS VOID MARRIAGE.   I WRITE A 3-4 PAGE PETITION GIVING THE FACTS. SERVE HIM. SET THE MATTER FOR TRIAL AND IN MAYBE 30 MINUTES, I WILL BE THROUGH.  IF THE JUDGE IS SUFFICIENTLY APPALLED HE CAN REFER THIS TO THE PROSECUTOR'S OFFICE FOR HIM TO FACE CRIMINAL CHARGES.  I CAN DO GO AND ASK THAT PROSECUTION BE HAD.  HOWEVER, I DON'T CARE ABOUT PROSECUTING THIS MAN.  HE IS MARRIED AGAIN WITH 2 MORE CHILDREN.  I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM BECAUSE OF THIS BUT I DO CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME.  ALSO, MY STEP SON CALLED HIS DAD FOR ME.  MY DEAR, IN MY STATE, ONE FORMER SPOUSE CALLING ANOTHER FOR A MATTER ONE TIME DOES NOT CONSTITUTE HARASSMENT.  HIS WIFE CAN TRY, OR HE CAN TRY FOR THAT MATTER, TO HAVE ME PROSECUTED FOR HARASSMENT (NOT SUED BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE NOW ATTEMPTING TO DESCRIBE IS A CRIMINAL MATTER AND NOT CIVIL) AND THEY BOTH WILL BE LAUGHED OUT OF THE D.A.'S OFFICE.  I HAVE NOT, NOR WILL I EVER MAKE IT A POINT TO CONTACT MARRIED MEN, EVEN IF ONE IS MY EX-HUSBAND.  I HAVE PRESENTED MYSELF THROUGHOUT THIS SMALL ORDEAL AS WHAT I AM:  A CONSUMMATE PROFESSIONAL.

5) I have checked my records many times. Even if you check your marriage record using both the bride's and the bride groom's name, you will only see that date that you two got married and where. That's all. You wont see everything about him or his whole histroy. You will see your history but not your ex-spouse's history. In order to find out everything about him, you will have to have his Name, Date of birth, and Social security number. You need these information because there may be more that a thousand people with the same first name, middle initail, and last name. So how are sure it is the man. Also, if you are using an agency like "Intelius" for these searches, keep in mind that there record may not be complete. It is possible that the man was divorced but the search agency was not able to find this record. I know for sure that it is easier to find a marriage record but not that easy to find a divorce record.


IF YOU VIEW MY PREVIOUS POSTS, YOU WILL SEE THATT I SAID JUST WHAT YOU HAVE SAID HERE.  I STATED THAT ONLINE MARRIAGE RECORDS WERE JUST BEEN MADE AVAILABLE IN MY STATE.  IN ORDER TO CHECK THE FUNCTIONALITY OF THE SYSTEM, I CHECKED MY NAME.  I CHECKED MY NAME AND I CHECKED THE EX HUSBAND'S NAME AS THE GROOM.  I STATED THAT ALL I COULD SEE WAS THE NAME AND THE PLACE OF THIS MARRIAGE.  I STATED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO BUY A CERTIFIED COPY OF THE LICENSE IN QUESTION TO DETERMINE WHETHER IT WAS THE EX-HUSBAND OR NOT.  I DO HAVE HIS NAME, BIRTH DATE AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.  I STILL HAVE THESE FROM THE MARRIAGE.  I ONLY WANT TO KNOW THIS FOR MY OWN PROTECTION.  I NEVER SAID I KNEW FOR SURE IT WAS HIM.  I CALLED HIM TO GAUGE HIS RESPONSE.  I MAKE MY MONEY GAUGING OTHER'S RESPONSES TO QUESTIONS.  IT IS A NATURAL RESPONSE FOR ME TO DO THIS IN MY PROFESSION.  HE DENIED IT.  I LET IT BE AND ADVISED HIM I WOULD GET THE RECORD FOR MYSELF.  END OF STORY.  IF IT IS HIM, I WILL TAKE APPROPRIATE STEPS.  IF IT IS NOT HIM, I WON'T EVEN TELL HIM ABOUT IT.  IT WILL BE OVER. 

I HOPE THAT MY RESPONSES SHEDS SOME LIGHT ON MY POSITION.  IT IS FINE WITH ME IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH MY LOGIC AND MY ANALYSIS OF THE SITUATION BUT THAT IS OFTEN THE CASE WHERE ONLOOKERS ARE INVOLVED.  WE ARE ALL ENTITLED TO OUR OPINIONS AND VIEWS.  IF YOU DON'T AGREE, THAT IS FINE.  WE CAN AGREE TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE.  I HAVE ENJOYED READING AND RESPONDING TO YOUR THOUGHTS

Secretz:

People like your 'friend' come in all different shapes, sizes, smells etc etc.

What's the guarantee that she is not going to lie in court? Or that she may not be called back again to the stand? (after you tell her to mess off?)

You seem to be coping just fine, keep smiling, playing nice etc etc, and remind yourself 'it's all for better reasons'. Then after the case (if it appears unlikely that they will call her back), ignore her. Don't answer your phone, lock it off. Send her belongings to her family's yard via UPS or DHL if you have to. Tell her, 'My man and I would like our home back thanks, '

If she says, 'you used me for the court case', smile and say 'My dear friend, one good turn deserves another'. Shut door. Simple.

This is the best advice so far to me.  Remember that you are a mature adult and that you have a very, very important goal in mind:  winning your court case.  You should not let a need to clear the air interfere with it.  You are an adult and you can do whatever you have to do for your good and the good of your family.  Remind yourself that you are doing this to protect the things most dear to you.  Now, this case illustrates something I always say to myself.  Never expect others to do what you would do.  Your best motives and intentionss are rarely returned, so do what you feel is right  because it is the right thing to do.  Your disappointment lay in thinking she was as pure in motive as you were in the friendship.

cocoman4u:

I know what she said, and I also know that women always find a legitimate excuse to go back digging on past relationships.

I have been divorced from this man for 8 years.  I had not seen him until 2008.  I have been living my life and enjoying it without him.  I see his 3 sons who are all grown now.  When we divorced, I severed all ties, but the boys each, one by one, found me when they were men and established relationships with me.  This man is not a part of my day to day existence.

The Truth is that there is no way a marriage record can be bad on your record. At the time you were married to him without any knowledge of his bigamy. This cannot hurt you, as long as you were not the one who was married to two people.

This is simply not true.  My ex-husband incurred THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN UNPAID DEBTS.  In the U.S., there is the legal fiction that married people are one.  Also, my ex-husband incurred debt and loans IN MY NAME AND WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE and I went through HELL clearing that up.

If you actually only wanted to clear your record, why dont you just get a lawyer to handle the case? Why did you call the man? All you could have   done was get a lawyer to represent you, your lawyer will call him if he needed to be contacted.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU READ MY PREVIOUS RESPONSES, BUT I AM A LAWYER MYSELF.  WHY WOULD I NEED SOMEONE TO "HANDLE THE CASE" WHEN I CAN DO IT MYSELF.  THAT IS WHY I CALLED HIM,  TO GAUGE HIS REACTION AND TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO RESPOND TO MY CLAIMS AND ALLEGATIONS.  ALSO, THIS GUY'S DEBTS AND MISDEEDS ALMOST CAUSED ME TO NOT BE LICENSED AS AN ATTORNEY IN MY STATE.  I AM TRYING TO BE PROACTIVE AND NULLIFY THE RECORDS. IF I TRY TO BECOME LICENSED AGAIN IN ANOTHER STATE, THESE SAME DEBTS AND MISDEEDS AND DEBTS OF MY EX CAN CAUSE ME TROUBLE AGAIN.

Once again, I advise you to let go for real. You shouldn't even have his number
My stepson called his number for me.  I don't have the number.

How come the next person's record that you checked after checking yours was your ex? Did you check your brother's, sister's, father? Why this man? Hmmm. Believe you still have some feelings for him. You might actualy be checking to see if he has married another woman after he left you.

I CHECKED THE RECORDS USING BOTH THE "BRIDE'S NAME" AND THE "GROOM'S NAME"."  I HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED ONCE SO THAT WAS THE ONLY RECORD I HAD TO CHECK SINCE HE WAS MY ONLY GROOM.  AND IF YOU READ MY ORIGINAL POSTS, YOU WOULD SEE THAT I KNEW ALREADY THAT HE MARRIED SOMEONE AFTER ME.  HE MARRIED THE LADY HE WAS DATING DURING OUR MARRIAGE.  THAT WAS NO SURPRISE THERE.  I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR THIS MAN.

'

I have a 41 yr old virgin friend I went to college with. This is the US.

This is such a sad topic. My heart goes out to people here in the US who work 2 and 3 jobs and braid hair on the side to help family and it still is not enough. Marriages are strained to the breaking point b/c of this. It is heart rending to see people work themselves to an early death and poor health and not enjoy their own labor.

An aside: what is a clan and what is the differnce between a clan and a tribe?

@JustGood-I don't blame him for things in my life. I freely chose to marry him and that is no one's error but mine. However, it made me who I am today and also blessed me with 3 stepsons and 3 grandchildren.

The question I first posed was "How would you feel?" I was shocked. That is all. I was betrayed years ago. That wasnt new. I ONLY am investigating this fully to protect myself from his deeds. I spent so much money undoing his wrongs so that I could buy a home and so that I could work in my profession. When interviewed for my professional license, I was questioned personally about thousands of dollars worh of accounts HE MADE which I knew nothing of. Thankfully, the inteviewer believed me. Now, if I try to get licensed in another state, this may come up again, along with other things. A court order showing a fraud marriage explains a lot. I dont care about him or his life other than to attempt to clear my name. Most states check back 10-15 years on financial and moral issues for my profession.

Why blame the daughter? She may have not been able to tell the guy no.

I won't sue him for bigamy. That is a criminal offense and up to prosecutors to decide if they want to pursue him. I waant the court records clear regarding my union with him. He incurred a lot of debt during our marriage that I suffered for. I am a lawyer myself and his misdeeds almost kept me from being licensed. I need to know as much as I caan regarding him because he will take any advantage if he believes it will benefit him. Any act by me WILL NOT ruin his current marriage. In the US, a void or invalid marriage is just that: invalid. Any marriage that occurs after the first legal marriage is void and there must be a dissolution of the legitimate marriage before you can have a new marriage. If he was already married when he married me, he is already messed up. He would have to divorce the lady he married before me and then remarry his current wife for their marriage to be valid. I would only petition the court for a decree stating my marriage was invalid and procured under false pretenses.

Also, if he really married this woman, I do not think his family knows it because they would have mentioned it. And yes, he is sneaky enough to have maarried a lady in secret if he had something to gain from it. He had a public facade but a very different private reality that no one, not even his parents, were aware of.

I knew my ex-husband for 8 years before I married him. He was introduced to me by my brother. I knew him and his family very well. We did not date the entire time I knew him. He had a crush on me but he was divorced and had 3 young boys. I was young and did not want to be a mother at that time. I met his sons' mother years before I married him. She even came to our wedding with her fiance. I was well aware of this marriage. I was not aware of this other wedding. At the time I married him, u could not get marriage records online. This only became available in my location over the past few weeks. Also, the information you get online is only a summary and not a full record. I will have to purchase an official copy of the license to view the groom's date of birth and signature to verify if it is him. I checked him out through his friends and family at that time. Had there been online records then, I would have had them 2. I made him show me his divorce decree that I knew about before marriage.

JJYOU:

he is your past. get on with your life stop fishing in that pond. i know the temptation is there but move on. he is called an ex for a reason.

I have moved on with my life. I am just shocked by it. I was testing out the new system and used my information to check the reliability of the program. I was shocked. That is all. I wondered how others would react to the same thing.

Hi Nairalanders,

I am based in the USA and was doing some searches on marital records in my state. I am divorced and checked my own status on the internet and saw my marriage and my subsequent divorce. I did a check against my ex-husband's name and found the names of women he married. I knew him for many years before we married and before we dated. I thought I knew a whole lot about him. I found a record of him being married to a woman a year and 3 months before he married me and no corresponding divorce. I called him and of course he denied that it was him. However, the guy had the same first name, last name and middle initial. The man also lived in our same city. I told him I would go and buy a copy of the record and verify the date of birth and signature on the forms. If he did actually marry this lady, it means that our marriage was not legal and I could get all appearances of this marriage removed from official records. It would also mean that his marriage to his current wife is illegal. He was a serious liar and he could easily have married this woman in secret. Under the laws of my state, he could also be prosecuted for the crime of bigamy (marrying another while legally married). Ladies and gentlemen, how would you feel if you found your spouse had done this to you?

N.C. should mean North Carolina and it looks like he is in a small town.

Original Poster: PLEASE, WATCH UR LANGUAGE!

They say the fastest way to get over someome is to get under someone else (but I dont recommend this approach).

3 times: My b/f when I was 22; my ex-husband and my current fiance. These are the only men I have loved and are the only men that I believe have ever loved me.

@ OP - 1. How do u know the 1st wife is telling the truth and is not just jealous? AND 2. How can u expect faithfulness from ur wives when u r not willing to give it (i.e. You are in London enjoying white women.)?

My daddy and mom went to jr high and high school together. In jr high (at 13 yrs old), my daddy says he really liked my mom, but my mom said he was a 'bad boy' and they were too young to be dating. They went to college and started dating. They fell in love, got married and had me.

michelin89:

Name it and be sure I hate it.

- Cooking
- Cleaning
- Dusting
- Folding clothes
etc---

Anything anything at all. I hate it and just can't stand it.

Am I the one only who nurtures a dislike towards housechores?

Michelin,
I agree with you. I hate housework, but have to do it. I love to cook and am a good cook. I dont mind laundry: washing, folding, ironing, etc. and am very good at it. However, I HATE CLEANING AND DUSTING. If I were married, I would work as many hours and jobs as possible to pay for a good maid (preferably an old, old lady). Until I am able to afford it, however, I must do my own cleaning and dusting. It is a necessary evil.

JJYOU:

dont you think at thirty something she had power to say no. it was not like her life depended on her killing the child. that could have been another good nigerian killed just by 2 misguided people. abortion is one wicked industry nigeria has. it is a no question asked process it is unbelievable.

I did not say that she did not have the power to say no.  I believe she did have the power to say no, but was pressured to do otherwise.  I am not totally blaming the husband, but only saying that it would hurt me to do such a thing.  It is a wicked industry wherever it is practiced in the world. I also believe this choice will haunt the lady. So many women suffer after this procedure. I also wish she could have found strength to say no; however, I think she felt her marriage would fail and that she was not willing to deprive her other children of a father if the marriage ended. The guy already threatened to impregnate another woman.

That is one of the saddest stories I have ever read. I wonder what the husband would have accused her of if she had had her tubes tied and that failed? Some people are soooo cruel. I definitely would have had a hard time killing my child and I would have a hard time forgiving my husband for pushing me to do it. That is heartless.

I met up with an ex once. He picked me up from the airport in his city. He was supposed to take me straight to where I was staying. He left something @ his house and we just dropped by to get it. I went in with him. Eight days later I was unbelievably tired all the time, I was hungry all time but everything I ate sickened me. I got pregnant! Be sure you set boundaries and that you can stay in those boundaries! If you cant, pass on seeing him. (Me and the guy got back together after that visit.)

Mama's baby, papa's maybe, (we say this in the US)

@na2day- LOL! No fun for me in disagreement, but I do enjoy a lively exchange of views. I tire on this one, though not for lack of conversation. I am just curious. Where are u located in the US? I am a southern girl (Tennessee).

I pay the kids less becaause I don't work them as many hours and I don't ask them to do as strenuous work as adults. Also, when I work kids, I usually work more than 1 child at a time.

Ummmm, nowhere in the post did the OP say she was in Nigeria. In the US you can see all kinds of people working as maids. It can be very lucrative. I had a client with a daughter who was pusuing a master's degree. They were very wealthy but for some reason the girl deceided to work and started her own maid company. She hired herself out to clean houses and I am sure her house was nicer than any she cleaned. My great grandmother was a college professor in Mississippi in the 1930s but when the family moved, she could only work as a maid. Maids should be treated as you would want to be treated. A househoold can only benefit from a well treated, well educated workforce. I dont have a maid but hire ppl when needed. I pay $50-$75 for 4 or 5 hours of work. I feed them and help them do the work. If they are kids, I may take them to a movie and pay a lower rate.

Well dear hojimma, you are a guy of commendable morals. I know of another man who had a lady in Nigeria and traveled abroad to the USA. They were to be married when the man could arrange for her to join him. The lady tired of waiting and got involved with another man. The guy ended up marrying an AA lady. Dear poster, all you can do is choose a lady with good character, pray God keep you both, and work hard to ensure you are reunited as soon as possible. I wish you all the best.