₦airaland Forum

monchat:
Not yet.

Hi, pls let me know how I can contact u. Thanks.

monchat:
Hello house, how long does it take to get a visiting visa for Ireland. What is their duration process

Hello monchat, has your nanny friend in the UK found a job now? Pls reply. Thanks.

A man will do everything he can to please his wife and I mean everything. Even cook and clean and do the chores. Yet one wicked daughter of jezebel will come and deny him sex because after all she isn't feeling the pain he is feeling since we know women don't have as high a sexual drive as men so it's not a big deal for them.
If you're a woman don't marry a man you can't love or sacrifice your comfort for. Nobody dey beg u to marry.

Many of you are young. You don't have experience hence your idealistic responses

If you're a woman and you know you can't satisfy your mn sexually please don't get married. Nobody is begging u. If you know you plan on using sex as a weapon and you expect the man to just lay back and bear it. Whatever you see you take.

This girl, wetin do her nose

Openbusiness:
I know what blood looks like and I know what lipstick looks like. When she is ready to tell the truth, she should clean the lipstick from her face first. I'm not falling for this bullshit story. But as usual, media trial will crucify the man without even examining anything. It is only in Nigeria that everything is upside down, even in domestic matters where by some rubbish fake media trial, "a man is GUILTY until proven innocent". No, he is innocent until proven guilty and this charade she put up is not proof, it is lipstick makeup. Rubbish!

I was scanning through all the comments here to see if anyone noticed it. How can you have ecchymoses without swelling? It's actually not funny. That thing on her face is obviously not blood. But the media mob is out and the man has been condemned as usual before his side of the story has been heard.

sisisioge:
Buy a punching bag, get it set up in a room, get a very loud radio as well and use both very well whenever you start noticing the onset of the anger....it will be emotions/energy well spent.

I actually did this. Tied a bag of sand to a tree outside my window and went at it every morning and evening for a few days until my shoulders hurt. Then I stopped.

pcguru1:
Join gym, Anger can't withstand 50 Burping(s)

I'll consider it. Thanks.

crackhaus:
Bro, you invest too much of your emotions into what people say/do.

When you learn to compartmentalize your feelings into separate boxes inside your mind, it becomes way easier to insulate yourself from these things you say can trigger you.
Compartmentalization also helps greatly to limit how the negative feelings from one event can disrupt your entire emotional process.

Getting to this point where you can do the above doesn't happen overnight though, it takes deliberate effort and is not something you can be guided on in the pages of NL.
However, the easiest first step is to start by grouping people into those that matter and those who don't.

The next time someone says/does something that triggers you, try to take a moment to access the level of importance that person has with you and your personal life's journey. It usually doesn't take a minute – you simply imagine to yourself, if I NEVER see/hear from this person again, is it going to affect my life in any way whatsoever?

Depending on the answer you give yourself, you can determine who matters and who doesn't. And guess what? Majority of the time, it will be people who don't matter that will trigger you despite knowing it may upset you.

The opposite end which is filled with people that matter (family members, close friends/associates), but they still say/do things that upset you, is much easier to deal with because you can call them to order and simply tell them you don't like what they are doing/saying. You must pass this information to them firmly and boldly, and ask them to please never repeat it.
Of course they will try to dismiss your emotions by saying you're overreacting... DON'T argue with them. Simply remind them that when you do the same thing to them which you now plan to do (even though you won't), they must not get angry in return.

This I found very interesting. Thanks a lot man. I've not answered you on the other stuff cos I feel I'll be really tempted to cross a threshold I've been battling not to cross for a long time. So pls don't be offended.

This is easy na.

Teach her to drive or enroll her in a driving school, and you can always go your own way whenever you want.

Even if it's one car y'all have for now, you leave it for her and have any of your friends pick you up.

I did!
I personally paid for her driving classes and when she was done she refused to get a driver's licence, instead hauling me all over the place with her.

nahzyla:
What exactly triggers your anger?

Please dont take marijuana, it damages the memory and will make you forgetful and dull.

A family member.
When I see injustice being done and I can't do anything about it because others will say it's not my business.
When I'm disrespected.
When I'm accused of doing things because I'm a guy so I must have done them esp when it comes to the opposite gender.
When people think they are being smart

Ok yesterday I had my day all planned then madam said I should take her to the market since she can't drive (she can't but didn't want to because of the stress) and I clearly stated that I wanted to go somewhere with the guys by say 2pm and it was 10am and she said no problem, plenty of time. Then we were about heading out and she said she would like to branch her friends house to collect material, that it's not far. Ok I agreed. We spent an hour plus there until I started to complin then it now looked like I was embarrassing her in front of her friend. So I walked out as a few mins later she followed. Then she pleaded we quickly branch somewhere else. At the end of the day she got all her chores done and it was close to 4pm. Then she starr asking me why I'm angry that other people do more than what I did. Stuff like that.

YourCoffin:
When last have you had sex?

Sigh.
It's been a while.

helinues:
Your angry mood is just a message send by your subconscious mind to take action of what you might have been neglecting.

Goals, future plans e.t..c

The only remedy is to take action now before it leads to depression

Injustice mostly. Especially against myself. Taking action might not be socially acceptable. Like beating the person up. Cos its a family member.

crackhaus:
You need skunk-amola, it's a specific type of marijuana that will make you feel very happy...

Is it guaranteed to do so?
How much?
Is it addictive?

pozehnani:
Seek help fast. You need help.

One way I was able to do away with anger was after reading in the Bible that anger lies in the bossom of a fool. So, since I don't want to be a fool, I refrained from getting angry or at least try to get it off my chest at all cost whenever it occurs. A constant reminder of that verse of the Bible has helped keep me in check and managed my anger issues.

Pls how do you get it off your chest without hurting those around you? What if it's someone around you that is always pissing you off.

I'm tired of feeling angry all the time.
It's just bubbling beneath the surface.
Funny enough I can't remember when last I lost my temper. Maybe last year?
But everyday, every fucking day I get pissed at least once.

And I just want to rest

Fucccccck.

I can't tell anyone.

They all see me as the shining example.

Bleep shining example.

Bleep mr perfect. Far from it.

But I've been placed on a pedestal and any move I make now will be met with great disappointment.

Alcohol helps but you know it's not the best.

I'm scared to try marijuana. What if it multiplies the anger and I go on a killing spree?

I'm FUCKING TIRED.

Fountainofyouth:
Calls 11 times in a day

Always interested in what I do or where I am every minute

Comes to my workplace at lunch break so we could have lunch together everyday,

Insists on spending the whole weekend together, I never had a me time,

Says things like "it's me n you forever", "you have no choice" " there is no way you'll ever leave me" "I can kill for you" "if I'm dying, you're dying too"

A friend received threats cos of frequent talks with me

Doesn't want me to have any friends, even females, he feels they'd take me from him or introduce me to another man

He cries anytime I miss his calls

A sex freak

Sends 5 love sms to me everyday

Changed his church to mine just to always be with me, if we are sitting apart, it's either he comes sit with me or drags me to wherever he's sitting,

He drives me everywhere I want to go,

Etc.

Holy sheet.

placeofallure:
How many times did you write WAEC before you finally made it?

No comprehension skills!

There is something called "reading between the lines"

But I don't expect you to understand sha.

Have a nice day.

Even so, it doesn't deny the fact. An enabling environment is still the best especially when both partners are looking out for each other without expecting anything in return.

angelfallz:
The bolded, Don't worry you are not alone in having that view.

Hmmm.

thorpido:
The one I know is women having peak libido in their 30s.
Exactly@bold.

This interview was done in a liberal society. If it was an issue for her she would definitely have mentioned it. And she wouldn't have been interested in working on her marriage. not all things are tit for tat. Sometimes the woman simply has low libido. Simple.

bukatyne:
Nothing new.

Where is the link?

@women having a much lower libido from 35 is different from the new narrative that women have a higher libido as they grow other.

We have young sugar mummies (40s and 50s) who would not exist if women's libido is generally lower than men's.

I read someone that the highest patrons of dildos and other sexual toys in Nigeria were the older women (50s/60s) who were sexuallu frustrated.

Maybe they should have gone a step ahead and asked Suzanne if she felt desire for other men/man, felt sexual desire at all or lost sexual attraction for her husband (all different issues).

I agree that sexually frustrated men (and women) in marriage have reaching consequences.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4228560/amp/Hidden-toll-starved-sex-husbands.html

The truth is that after a while women start to lose interest in sex. All those ones you're mentioning above are the exceptions. Yes some women use dilodes, yes sugar mommies are "advertised" to abound in Abuja, Lagos etc. But if you're honest with yourself you'll agree that most complaints even on nairaland have to do with the men not getting enough sex from their women.

Yes women can commit infidelity as well but the truth is that unfaithfulness is and always have been the stronghold of males. It is the reason for most divorces last last, that he slept with another woman. Reasons why women deny their husbands sex are numerous from not having enough time to him not helping with the chores to just wanting to punish the man.


Women don't see sex the same way men do. They think it's a trivial issue. This should change for those who are wise. For those who think it doesn't concern them, by all means , continue to deny your man sex.

And finally

Reluctantly, Suzanne agreed to try my strategy and the rest followed naturally.

To her surprise, Michael responded with visible delight, overjoyed at being offered his place as father and husband again.

They’re still together, and years later barely recall those emotionally turbulent times.

I’m a social scientist, not a relationship counsellor, and therefore not in the business of giving advice.

Though the days of women exchanging sex for financial security provided by their husbands are gone, we need to find new ways to trade our wants and needs for theirs.

Men are definitely open to negotiation on this: If he wants more sexual treats, tell him that the deal is you get more help with the washing up, a meal in a lovely restaurant or a new dress.

Men, as we know in our heart of hearts, will have affairs, or perhaps even worse, when faced with sexual starvation and the inevitable resentment that causes.

The cure, put bluntly, is as simple as that for any form of starvation: feed it, feed it, feed it.

The New Rules: Economies Of Desire by Catherine Hakim (Gibson Square, £9.99),

He needs to feel welcome when he comes home.

Take the case of my friend, Suzanne, whose husband cheated on her. She had pretty much lost interest in Michael after their son was born. He was a beautiful, happy, loving child and she basked in his unconditional adoration.

She had fallen in love, in an entirely new way, with the little boy and, with a full year’s maternity leave to enjoy this new relationship, needed no one else.

Then came the bombshell of the affair. Michael, however, was sublimely unaware that Suzanne knew of his fling.

Not only did I advise her to ignore the infidelity, I told Suzanne she needed to change her attitude towards her husband.

‘Let Michael share the baby with you,’ I said. ‘He will fall in love with him, too, if you allow him in.

‘He needs to feel welcome when he comes home, not an intruder on a private love affair.’

My feeling — though I didn’t think she would appreciate me spelling it out at that point — was that, as they became closer in their daily lives, Suzanne would be more inclined to make time for her husband in the bedroom. This would remove his urge to have his needs met elsewhere.

What else are men who need sex regularly to do when married to an unsympathetic wife?

Also, in modern times, these women can earn their own living so no longer have to rely financially on men.

In the past, wives may have felt obliged to offer more sexual entertainment than they were minded to, due to this dependence.

Nowadays, though, they have a lot more autonomy over their sex lives and, if they do not have the desire — as many say they do not — then they’re less willing to lie back and think of England.

This plus a rise in independence, combined with the increasing reluctance of women to have regular sex with their husbands can, to my mind at least, only lead to one thing: affairs.

While some of the women these men are having affairs with are free agents, others are married or in long-term relationships and seeking the thrill, and novelty, of sex with someone new.

Though they are uninterested romantically in their own sex-starved husbands, they experience a surge in libido that comes with a new relationship.

More worryingly, there is little doubt, in my view, that sexual frustration can lead to assaults on women, though I am in no way excusing this behaviour.

But do I see lack of marital sex as a justification for men having affairs? Yes, I’m afraid so. For what else are men who need sex regularly to do when married to an unsympathetic wife?

In the first three years male and female partners are equally likely to instigate sex, after that point, three-quarters of couples report it is the man who makes the advances

Women’s sexual desire tends to decline after 35, though some have a late-flowering sexuality after the menopause.

That being said, in the first two years of a relationship, no matter at what age, novelty does prove an aphrodisiac, even for the female of the species, and couples make love about ten times a month.

Six years in, however, twice a month is the norm — and that’s nowhere near enough for most men. They feel the urge far more frequently, partly due to their higher levels of the hormone testosterone and partly because they can be fertile until old age.

And while in the first three years male and female partners are equally likely to instigate sex, after that point, three-quarters of couples report it is the man who makes the advances.

In fact, a quarter of men in one survey said that, given the chance, they would like sex daily. It should come as no surprise, therefore, to learn that British men are twice as likely as women to admit to having affairs, while one in 25 confesses to having paid for sex during the past five years.

It's simple. Men want more sex.

Well over a third of adults quizzed for a study reported not having sexual intercourse in the previous month. I found the same pattern among people who talked to me for my book, The New Rules.

And it is, make no mistake, mainly women in long-term relationships who lose interest in lovemaking — not their husbands.

Younger men experience sexual desire twice as often as young women, while older men feel aroused four times more than women in the same age group.

This gap in desire between men and women is seen in every country and culture where sex surveys have been done. The received wisdom that men always want more sex than their wives is not a stereotype, but a fact.

However, until the age of 25, there is no difference between the sexes. But, interestingly, by 35, when most of us have settled down, and women, unlike their male partners, are reaching the end of their fertile lives, men — almost to a man — want more sex than their spouses.

The consequences of men being sex-starved by their wives are deeply worrying. Such a sexual drought has a profoundly negative effect on our society

As a social scientist — I’m professorial research fellow at think tank Civitas and was a senior research fellow at the London School of Economics — you might wonder why I’m so concerned by an all-too common tale.

Men who are starved of sex by their wives are, after all, the butt of many a comedian’s joke.

But like many of the men I’ve discovered through my years of research, Michael is experiencing what I call a male sexual deficit.

The consequences of men being sex-starved by their wives are deeply worrying. For such a sexual drought has a profoundly negative effect on our society — fracturing families and potentially leading to violence and crime.

I’ve found that deep sexual frustration results in men having affairs — which was the case with Suzanne and Michael — and then, all too often, divorce and family breakdown.

Sexually starved men are more likely to visit prostitutes, view pornography and, in the worst cases, even molest thier wives and other women.

So insisting on fidelity within a marriage is all well and good, but unless women ensure they are also having enough sex with their husbands, they are calling catastrophe into their lives.

Sexless or low-sex marriages are far more common than many realise — one sex survey in Britain found a fifth of women, aged from 45 to 59, had been celibate for more than a year.

*The consequences of men being sex-starved by their wives are deeply worrying

*Sexless or low-sex marriages are far more common than many realise

*A survey found a fifth of older women had been celibate for more than a year



When my friend, Suzanne, arrived at my door, furious and in tears, after finding husband, Michael, was having an affair, she was no doubt seeking sisterly support for her divorce plans.

However, once she’d calmed down, I suggested she turn a blind eye as this fling would end of its own accord.

Enraged, she demanded: ‘How can you make light of something so serious?’

My reply? ‘But how can you throw away a good marriage?’

For Suzanne, in her rage, was ignoring a large elephant in the room: the reason her until then decent husband had been driven to an affair was simple. She wasn’t having enough sex with him. After months of frustration, he was forced to seek relief elsewhere.

What the FU.C.QK was that??

Pls who understands what he is saying

Why is he talking if Npower?