ebyjoyken:
Thank you ma. I have been loyal and respectful to him. He has been abusing me emotionally but i refused to break. But he found my weekness and that's my children. Every little thing he will threaten me that he will take my kids away from me. I have been good with his siblings and mum. If he sees my children around me, he gets angry and ask them to leave my side. It is beginning to really bother me. If he does something wrong and i correct him or tell him to treat people with love, he becomes very angry and starts threatening me with my kids . Telling me that i will soon run mad. So many things but i can't bear my heart on a public forum.

So you left a lot of things unsaid in your initial story. How do you expect a mature unbiased response?

Anyway, let me finish reading.

crackhaus:

This one is not something anyone here can help you with. If you don't know why your husband does not like your family after 10yrs, to the extent he did not call to share his condolences when his own father-in-law died, then OYO for you. It's obvious that whatever is between them is very serious yet you're claiming no knowledge of it.
You have definitely been perfectly okay with the bad-blood for that long, because according to you, there has never been any serious issue between both of you - meaning you never saw this as an issue or brought it up as one.


As for trying to turn your kids against you, like I noted before, this is not good but you still haven't shared the disagreements that lead to this or how it is you challenge him.

Who spends more time with the children and who are they closer to?
You or your husband?

Exactly.

ebyjoyken:
Hi! Good morning all.

I have been married for 10 years, and I have never had any serious issues with my husband, I have never treated his mother badly. I love his mum just like i love mine. I lost my dad last year and my husband never showed any concern towards my family, i didn't call any of my siblings or my mum till date.

But recently each time we are having a discussion he keeps saying that anytime I challenge him that he will ask my children to insult me. This breaks my heart because i was never rude to my parents as child even as an adult. I have never spoken ill of my husband before my kids, so i don't understand why he keeps saying that to me. My children mean alot to me, i have invested so much in my kids and they are lovely children. I am scared that he might start poisoning their minds towards me.

Matured advice needed please.

@bold,
This may not be how your husband sees it. Some ladies think that they are living the perfect marriage meanwhile they have browbeaten their husbands into living life under thier (ladies) terms. The man may be secretly frustrated but he won't talk until it all boils over into utterances like this. If you have never had any issues with him etc etc then why was he not sympathetic to your father's death. Something isnt right and hasn't been right for a long time.

I'm not saying it's your fault. It depends on the kind of man you married esp if he's the quiet kind. Have a private chat with him and ask him where you have offended him in the marriage. He will say nothing but persist until he tells you his mind. You will be VERY surprised.

And to make matters worse for the ladies, DNA tests have reduced in cost. You can now get your paternity test done for as low as N250k.

I tried marketing the kit once at a new generation bank. If you see the way the women eyed me eh, if they had daggers I may not have escaped unhurt that day.

Ok this thread cracked me up, most especially the responses

But these things do happen.

Sleeping with the first husband and not being caught would have emboldened her to sleep with the second husband.

I've heard of only two similar cases. In one of them the sister was forced to marry the husband and become a second wife. It was even in the news then.

The other case the woman told the sister and all hell, real helllll broke loose. And the aftermath wasn't worth revealing the secret.

Honestly this is the first time I'm hearing of 2 husbands at a go.
Op you try.

It's good you want to change. Pls move away from your sisters, start life afresh.

As per the husband threatening to kill everybody, if you know you cant successfully hide from him then try getting a mutual friend to talk to him. If that doesn't work then reveal your problem to a wise elder in the family who can sort it out without scattering everybody. If you don't have access to either of the two above then I'm sorry , it's going to be difficult for you. You may have to reveal your secret to your family to avoid the first husband taking drastic action. Most likely it may not end well but then your unique actions to bed both your sisters husband's were not the best decisions either.

I wish you all the best.

Yummymummy07:
thanks , I love my sisters and I don’t think I will be able to tell them , all I want to do is to move away far from them , I don’t have the strength to break their marriage and I don’t want their marriages to break too. I will find a church and confess my sins to God and start my life afresh. I don’t want anything to do with any of them , the shame is too much and can not longer r lives with this shame.

Don't confess anything to your sisters pls. You don't need to do that to get God's forgiveness. Just move on and be a better person. Shikna

mii4u:
If truly u want to give ur life to Christ, then u must confess to ur sisters weda from afar or close by, u can't give ur life to Christ and still be living a lie...truth remains, u no try at all, this will break ur sisters, they might never trust u for a very long time.

Not necessary to confess to sisters at all. She should change if she wants to change and move on with her life.

bukatyne:


OH well, good that you are keeping it in the family.

You better disappear and go to the nearest living church for healing.

If you like, enter the church that the pastor will continue knacking you from where the husbands stopped.

Yummymummy07:
I swear on my father grave my story is 100% true . I had to create this new account just for security protection of me and my daughter

And you're still a yummy mummmy

faithfull18:
Haaaa, what did I just read

bukatyne:


@bold:

Would you consider training your daughters to whatever height they want?

No. Give them standard tertiary training until they can stand on their own two feet. Then if they want to further thier careers it will be thier responsibility, not that of thier parents.

Would you entertain your wife furthering her studies especially when it would inconvenience the home?

Inconvenience the home to what degree? If she wants to do a masters in another town but she has a breastfeeding baby she'll have to wait till the baby is independent (for me, about 5yrs old is ok). If however there are no kids and she wants to further her career then no qualms. It depends on the situation.


Would you accommodate your wife working a demanding job?

Sure! If she's comfortable with it, why not?


I am assuming you believe in traditional gender roles.

I responded instead of the person u quoted because I believe in traditional roles as well.

What have these questions got to do with the @bolded though?

Biglittlelois:



How is she a leech to her parents? How is anyone a leech to one's parents?

If you don't know the answer to this question then it's not a surprise you're supporting the woman still living with her parents at 38yrs of age.

Biglittlelois:



You really need to go out more, I'm assuming your thoughts are limited to ladies in Nigeria and Africa or around you, still, there are women in Nigeria and Africa who do not want to have kids.

Lol

And these ones would have done pre-wedding pics and recited love poems to each other.


My love, my sunshine, my bright morning star,my tolotolo.

Lol.

Marriage is sh!t hard work.

Not for babies.

Not for sissies.

And no, love doesn't exist. Not the way we practice it here anyway.

If you're reading this and you want to marry , Marry with sense. Not with love. Marry like you're taking an exam. Study your partner. Test them! Don't think it's old fashioned, do it.

Else at the end you will cry.

Moranc:
You came into my life like a star And filled my heart with joy You took my pain as if it was yours And gave me love that no one could.
You gave me a shoulder to cry on You were my pillar when I was falling You were my strength when I felt low With your smile, you made my living on earth worthwhile.

Lol, is this poem true?
Have u ever cried on her shoulder and she comforted you? Has she ever been your pillar when u were falling?


If so then she's a gem, a rare find, and you should treasure her.
If not true, well, you've got some good lyrics bro.
All the best.

Personally I agree with the op. It's difficult nowadays to see what the advantage is in marriage for men. Except maybe to have your own kids to pass on your genes or to boast to society that you're a responsible person. Men no longer live like Kings in thier own house. They provide food, shelter, clothing, gifts, sex, etc, and in return what do they get? Entitlement mentality, is sex food mentality, cook your own meals mentality. A woman wants to be a queen but won't want to treat her husband as a king.


Societal changes has scammed a lot of men. I would advise any male getting married to look very well before doing so. Don't marry for love. Marry with sense.

DenreleDave:
I think doing wedding is a bad idea. How can you spend your life savings on a woman when then end result is children and responsibilities. As in, I have seen many ladies that have been bleeped and bleeped several times, several body counts. So one man will come and spend his life saving on such woman.

How can a man spend all the money he has saved on a lady who is a virgin or not a virgin sef when he will still have to cater for responsibilities after wedding?

As in, my guys for there carry lady come sleep anyhow and later later, another man go carry this lady, wan kill himself untop her, they run helter skelter on top her. What do we guys tend to benefit in marriage, is it not just sex and probably kids (kids is both advantage for men n women) but again you get to carry responsibilities upandan.

I'm beginning wedding or even marriage is a scam sef, it's way of bringing a man into slavery.

Maybe baby mama is the way out, I'm beginning to reason with some guys Here on nairaland oooo.. Baby mama things

Guys wake up, I think this marriage and wedding only favors women, we men are at big disadvantage aswear


Cc: Lalasticala BlueAir blinking001 Toks2008 JONNYSPUTE tosyne2much AstroG ubunja martinez29 Cutehector daddytime ilegendd walai IamPlato Firstorderwizard dandeeboss davash222

Even the sex isn't guaranteed bro.

lilwetdick:

abi

i am not even concerned whether she is married or not but i dont understand how a grown up adult of 38 years is still living with her parent...that woman does not have any plan for her life.

A leech to her parents...

Fountainofyouth:



Which is not a bad thing if she doesn't want kids

And which woman genuinely doesn't want kids?

Chubhie:

So because of menopause make she marry madman? Na stone the children go chop ba? Her life, her menopause and her decision...

And her possible childlessness

Charleys:
Because she's already having sex with a rich guy, but that rich guy hasn't promised her anything yet.

That's why she doesn't like the guy that wants to marry her.

Score!

bodemattews:
It’s a free world bro. People have the right to do whatever the Bleep they want.

Which is why the world is going to sh!t

Ayofaks:
The lady should leave her shop for her, after leaving, she can f^ck the husband just to teach the foolish, insecure woman a lesson

Ah!

This python was bought.

It wasn't found by accident

Lol

Rubbiish:

Hello what approach did u later use to address the cracks?

Sadly cracks are still there. Yet to fix it.

Originalsly:


It comes under see reactions from Nigerians

I always used to think everybody was born with common sense.

Oh common sense is easy. It's having good manners that is difficult. People being rude to others for no reason other than it makes them feel good bout themselves. That's the real problem


And, you know, it's kind of sad that someone has to insult or make snide remarks at someone else to try and make them feel bad so they themselves can feel better/accepted/smart. It shows how low they are, how poorly they think of themselves if they feel that the only way to feel good is to diss somebody else. No matter how smart they try to sound the truth remains. That somewhere deep down they are miserable and unsatisfied with thier lives and desperately seek validation.

My own question is, since when did nairaland start depending on the responses from Instagram to create thier own threads

Anyone that has the mindset that poor people are humble, just wipe that thought from.your mind now. Poor people can b very very proud and stuck up. Don believe all those fairy tales of the handsome prince marrying the lowly girl and they live HAPPILY ever after. Or vice versa. The beautiful princess marrying the beggar boy like alladin.

All na scam.

Scam scam scam

It's not true o.

Marry someone that will contribute financially to your union. It will remove a lot of stress. That's just the truth. Marry a woman that is making money,marry a man that is industrious , proud of caring for his family. Don't make mistake of thinking your own money will solve everything. This is a union meant to last a lifetime. Eventually you will get frustrated being the one providing all the time.

The truth of the matter is once you're married, you're married.

All this divorce divorce is for wicked people.

What will happen to the kids? You mean you will abandon your children just like that? What if your wife marries someone else who can't or doesn't want to take care of them? What happens if the court didn't allow you to take them because you're the man and they feel the kids are too small to stay with you (even though you've been adequately taking care of them since they were born?)
Why allow a kind loving person meet and meet such a hard and insensitive individual?

We are all children of God yes, but some children are just not it.

This world is just bleeped.

Saintmary:

Get yourself a German shepherd if you need something to tame. Women are not animals. Anyway, some women will stay in such travesties of relationships, they need it.

Well she's behaving like an animal so Yes, she has to be tamed. Ladies that behave like queens are treated as such. Ladies that behave like animals....well you know the rest.