₦airaland Forum

Hey if akon can do it i dont no why he can't?
He did everything but pack the women into the same households lol
Theyre polygamous? Last time i checked that was also part of the culture? O well

[quote author=12 inches! link=topic=870887.msg10205910#msg10205910 date=1329364001]And someone called queensmith thinks she's the most enlightened in the world, I will not even talk abt dat doctor issue because u simply implied that thru all ur ranting, So if u so dnt like our culture because u've been opportune to stay in london or wherever for 1 week, Why don't u carry yellow color and kuku paint ur skin white, So we cn knw we're dealing with some1 with a lost identity, MJ did it, Just follow suit,
Ps: I said I cnt marry someone like u, And I dnt see any sensible man doing so, Afterall marriage is a choice.[/quote]Here we go, seriously i really wish the men here will stop taking everything soo personal.
I reason differently, so i see things differently, ive weighed the benefits to being a typical nigerian wife and for me i don"t find it gratifying.
Ive observed many typical nigerian wives and still don't think its gratifying. Just because something is cultural doesnt make it right? Doesnt make it the all way and everyway? Most of the time, we need to evolve. Women have come a long way to continue being subjected in thier own homes. It's not like women even have it easy considering the societal burdens and physiological ones.
This is my POV and the comparison with the alternate cultures just allows me to justify it further. Women around the world are not slaves to their husbands. The system actually works! so why extend your 9-5 to 6-12? All to be a good typical wife? For what? With what reward? To be stressed and stomped?

armyofone:
No it doesn't. Just tell them to do chores/cook their own food/pay for date/bring home huge bacon/paycheck
as salary and you hear the wahhhhhhh, wahhhhhhhhhhhh, wah, wah, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Lol. This is even assuming most of them do, but most of them don't? So its back to the beggining.

armyofone:
ogini, pay for my own date, no way on plannet earth. i can afford my dinner but pls pay  

where do pple get alaroro and miser to date sef

Their chatting poo, don't mind them its what they say to comfort themselves.
If anything your more likely to split or pay for a date with a black man than you are with a white. Paying for dates isn't even an issue.
And after paying he won't be soo eagerly expecting to bed you because of a dinner!
Even the poor ones!
But whether or not a woman should pay is something that can also be debated.
IiiLong story short, white men are not misers like hateful black men try to make them out to be. Its not western culture to split the bills on a date. If anything the women i know that insist on doing so are Nigerian (i will never understand it but what do i know!)

Outstrip:
I agree. I have seen a few cases like that. I believe that that it might have to do with the way they were force fed the culture and brainwashed with it.

I dont get it? If a woman wants to split the chores like everything else she's branded lazy. Then what is the man that wants to do nothing?
If a man is required to cook as much as the woman how is that taking advantage of him? So isn't the woman being taken advantage of in the same right? These double standards elude me. The worst thing is it pays no one.
A woman might try to claim she's happy but im not sure the sacrifices of living the conventional 'nigeria' lifestyle are worth it.

Soneone with the screen name 12inches has said he can never marry me! Lmao

My work here is done!

Here we go sounding like we're doin the woman a favour again we can do this all year!
Im enjoying the 'is she a doctor debate' the assumptions you make about my life will make no difference to it so I won't indulge you.
Just so you know, it comes from the first post where i wrote 'i was raised to be a doctor' such a simple statement becomes difficult to the ignorant minds here.
It doesnt take much to make the men on NL cry.

@dayo i see what your trying to prove. Not working. A few racist bigots here and there don't make us the same. I thought one was impying we should be proud of our culture?
So get the story straight do they have a different culture or are we all the same?
If you've known or lived with a white person you will know we are different. I dont know how anyone can be offended by that fact?
One thing im damn sure of is the men don't pick the woman out of thier ability to cook or clean, this im sure of because most of them won't lone do it. Marriage is an equal partnership to them the women arent subjected. The countries lead the way when it comes to equality.
To say otherwise is actually turning a blind eye to the fact that these countries are entirely different! i'm not going to shit on them or blindly believe my culture is superior cos the fact of the matter is it's not.
Like a terrorist will blindly follow his religion to the grave, im not suprised most of you are getting defensive. But please lets not lie or fool ourselves. When an english person gets married its a whole different ball game entirely.

care you know- do you know you've insulted like 99% of nigerians in this country? Glad its come from your mouth and not mine.

tlops:
This is one reason Nigerian men who venture into marrying whites end up running home to re-marry. because they don't like change and sometime un-cooperative. I see no big deal if the husband lends a hand. but the difference between Our Nigerian women and Oyinbo is that the privilege can be misused or seen as a sign of weakness by Nigerian woman hence the stalemate.

Its funny, if any man on this thread married a white women everything theyve said wil be unapplicable.
Its dissapointing sometimes how ur own men can behave towards you.

Sha sha lucky for some who have options eh!

I cant believe people are here actually trying to tell me there are any sort of similarities in Nigerian and british culture. I'm absolutely dazed by it. Dazed. Stomped.,
Believe it or not British men are nothing like Nigerian men.
Its not acceptable in a country like england to make a statement like 'women cant drive' or 'a womans place is in the kitchen' one can lose his/her job for such a remark. So believe me when i tell you our cultures are VERY different.
The same goes for even the housewives, the husbands, the children.
A british housewife is by no means anything like a nigerian one. By absolutely no means.
Theres no negative stigma attached to eating out, theres no negative stigma attached to a man helping in the house ,the women do not serve thier husbands, they most certainly do not carry a bowl of water to the living room for him to wash his hands with  . The women actually have it easy, esp the housewives. Makes me wonder what they do with themselves, just look pretty can u imagine!  Theres no penisworship in this side of the world.

r231:
^^^^^of cus white woman cook

no no no no no- Not in the way African women do. I crave to see the day a full time working white woman spend a whole day in the kitchen,. . .I crave it!

You watch come dine with me? You see the antics these women pull? Throwing sainsburys ready made lasagne into the microwave is not cooking my friend. And yes I realise I'm stereotyping, I've never met a white woman ran like a slave. . . never! Don't get me wrong some of them will do domestics like the olden days but this is commonly the housewives.

The way british households are run- immaculate! absolutely no inequality whatsoever. even if the woman is the one throwing the food into the microwave or whatnot. everybody has a role. Nobody is sitting his arse down waiting for the woman to return to work. Absolutely immaculate!

white women cook? I laugh in japanese. . . .kmt seriously David your soo full of it it's unbelievable.

I dont think an engineering degree will be a bsc? dont they have eng at the end of the name or summin?

davidylan:
Oh pls. You must be living on an alternate universe. Millions of white women (your idea of the modern society by the way) dont think anything of cleaning and cooking for their men on a daily basis combined with their day jobs. Pls spare  us the stomach-churning nonsense about how "modern" you are. My friend had a white fiancee who worked 60hrs/week as a medical therapist and still cooked enough to last 4 grown men an entire week every freaking sunday. Get off your high horse madam doctor. Thankfully the married ones here know better.

Have you been to Ngozi Okonjo Iweala's house? I'm sure she puts you to shame in the home-making department.

You're just incredibly lazy, using the "modern society" cliche as a crutch to justify being the way you are.

You have a habit of making up senseless statistics that do everything but prove your point. I know for a FACT (not to even talk of white women to talk of the british culture in its diversity) They DO NOT carry the belief of women sitting at home doing everything the husband says!Even the HOUSEWIVES of a western society is the one that handles the husbands pay check.
Dont try and insinuate white women behave or reason ANYTHING LIKE Nigerian women do, try asking this question on a different forum and see what responses you get.
It goes to show, Ngozi isn't famous for home making skills, and what she's famous for isn't learnt during cookery class.

snthesis:
u completely missed my point, the so called modern woman a.k.a career woman alias queensmith is completely self-conceited. if you make all d money in d world and offer her to quit her job- she wud find a reason to complain.

@OP
suck it in, find a way to make it work, sort ur self out and stop whinning, u arnt d first career woman to get married duh!!

in my house guys arnt allowed in d kitchen, our ancestors def knew whr a woman's place is

I dont get it? So a woman working is now also the problem? hmmmmmmm

A woman should not want to work? Seriously the stone ages were long ago? where on earth do you people get these ideas? dayum!

kbdrim:
When You become Ngozi Iweala, we would consider excusing u from cooking daily meals and from the amount of time u've spent on nairaland already for this topic its obvious u cant be an ngozi. For ur information Ngozi Iweala and Dora Akunyili were on Moments with Mo a couple of years ago and they both admitted their Husbands are their ''boses'' at home.
Queensmith, even ur name gives u up as someone who has an overbloated opinion of herself, QUEEN INDEED,  Signup and let me train u to become a proper wife cos ur parents didnt do a good job, Those white guys no go send u cos if a white man ever picks a black girl to date its because of the very things the white girl wont do for him he will desire in a black woman.

hmmm- is this from a consensus proving everyone on nl is a loser?

How do you know im not a queen  
Your post is an ignorant one but I won't blame you. You hate the modern society as much as I the backwards penisworship african women give their sons. Not withstanding I maintain I'm no-bodies slave, cook, cleaner, however you want to put it. The 'Nigerian' idea of a virtual wife is unrealistic and sad, a woman can never genuinely be happy and stress free carrying out these burdens alone, and if africans were ruling it soo much with marriage they a) won't have such a high aids rate from extensive promiscuity. (meaning whatever the women are doing in the kitchen certainly isnt making the men stay at home!)
b) The OP won't actually have this problem, and I'm sure many of their newly weds do!
I prefer to be with a white man that respects me as person and doesntl treat me like a maid that an african man that thinks he did me favourby making me his bitch

ronkebp:
It does not matter what Mr Ngozi will be doing at home, a good woman will always want to know how her husband and family is fairing in every aspect even if she is the president of the Nation. am sure she would have made provisions of what the family will eat even before going for the tv broadcast or wherever.

I cant.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.I tried but i can't.
I'm speechless.

davidylan:
Of course, how could you be single?

exactly what kind of assumption kmt- I totally see why you have no woman though! rotflmao!

ronkebp:
@ Queensmith what is wrong with Ngozi Okonjo Iweala running home after a broadcast to cook for her husband

Lets make this a hypothetical, what will Mr Ngozi be doing all this time?

coogar:
i doubt her husband would be cooking for himself as well. . . .it's either the maids do it or ngozi puts herself about and cook for the husband.
no wonder you are still single - no man would put up with your lazy attitude.

I'm not single,.,.,.,.,#thatisall

debrief08:
The Biblical responsibilty and role of a Man is even more than that of the woman. The Chapter of 1st corithians 13 on love is directed at the husband for he was instructed to love his wife, Love is patient love is kind : He should be patient with her and kind to her, Love is not arrogant or rude: No man should be rude and arrogant to his wife, never speak down to her or worse beat her cos he thinks he knows all, Love does not boast and keeps no record of wrong doing: see why i said it was silly and childish for the man to reject his wifes food for 3 weeks, Love bares all things enudres all thing: A husband should bare and endure his wives shortcomings, if you cant have kids you dont go about impregnanting women. If I had all the knowledge in the world could interprete tongues and be like an angel and have no love am nothing.
Because of these instructions to love and how profound it is thats why the bible asks women to be submissive, if a man loves you as instructed above its easy to become proud and concieted, so when he loves you this much you submit to him so no one takses advantage of the other.
Nothing wrong with the Bible, if people could only read it and stop waiting to be spoon fed we will make Gods work in marriages a whole lot easier, save all the fasting and prayers

O God no- I wasnt trying to bring about any definition of a biblical wife/husband David was taking my sarcasm seriously. I don't believe in clinging literally to every word in the bible. We could have a religious debate about this topic that will go on forever. The fact remains, even a bible thumping man cannot pin point anywhere in the it is stated that a man should no join his wife in the domestic duties, especially if she contributes with everything else? I think thats arrogance in itself. So what exactly has a woman gained from being married? Talkless of the physiological burden she will experience when having children. A chore that can in no way be shared? A woman is going through all this for what? and the husband shouldnt pull his weight about the house? I think NOT!

Sagamite:
On a serious note, explain to me what you think you can bring to a man's life that would make him cherish being with you exclusively forever.

makes sense, what is a man without a cook or cleaner. To be exclusive with of course.

*vomit* just have a penchant for making me sick here. eurgh!

davidylan:
Unfortunately we are all built different. Its funny how many of you then double around to claim that it is OK for a woman to not know how to cook or clean either.

it still remains your soo called biblical father cannot cook or clean after himself. keeps her company? how biblical of him
[quote author=12 inches! link=topic=870887.msg10202266#msg10202266 date=1329318322]@queensmith, I pity u so much, U need to change ur attitude,[/quote]Abi- My attitude will not allow a bible thumping chauvinist of a Nigerian man to marry i.e use and abuse me. I pity me to. In fact Im over crying. How am i going to be happy without a man to cook for clean for have babies for then give all my money to? How? the pity is every jare. Do a night vigil on my behalf.

and to everything else you mentioned *vomit*

davidylan:
Queensmith is an ignorant clown  

I'm gonna ignore you. Just for this I'll ignore you, the thread will end in you crying the women have rained unwarranted insults on you. we don't want that.

You telling me after Ngozi Okonjo Iweala finishes a broadcast on TV she rushes home to cook for an incompetent husband? Hold on to that thought.

davidylan:
My dad is a bible husband too. He cant cook or clean to save his life but at least he hangs around to keep her company.

my uncle has a great saying He says the day he loses the use of his hands or legs God should strike him dead as he cannot imagine not being able to do something for himself.

I'm sure the Bible says the same thing, how can you claim your father to be a biblical husband when he is incapable of caring for himself with the most basic of chores? Does he not eat? He doesnt require a clean home?
even the bible can not exonerate that.

snthesis:
on a serious note.
if a man doesnt make enough money for the family- women complain,
if a man after a hard and tiring day's work cant do his wife ryt- she go complain.
if a man after a hard, tiring day's work want do his women for some succour- she wud say its always about sex
if a man doesnt help out in d kitchen- the woman says he is selfish and uncaring.

this potrays the modern woman as lazy and self-conceited bigots- stick to ur traditional roles as "home makers" and stop whining

^^ Whites probably say the same about slavery.

jennykadry:
@queen

Reason why I said you have to watch them cook from scratch. Someone like me can tell who passionately loves cooking and who doesn't Just watch the way they handle the knife, what they are wearing, please don't say yes to a man that wears fancy cloth In the kitchen(shirt and tie, Levi Jean)  go for those that wear old shirts and shorts, they re the take home to mama. Avoid those that eat meat and stockfish whilst cooking, you will end up shopping every day to replace the already buried ones in their stomach  

lol! ehn he will try to impress when he wants to bed u! whats to say he will carry on cooking when we're married. with his special 'time forsex recipe'  

debrief08:
Queensmith, lol@ Mary magdalene, My dear, na me know wetin i see for the hands and advice of them Bible Thumpers: Cook, clean, dont talk, dont breathe be humble, s3x on demand even if you are sick, dont question, suffer and smile, a good wife is a zombie, robot and a intimacy gadget rolled in one, pray and fast, lol I hear am abeg.

I swear the bible wife's marriage will make an interesting documentary!

snthesis:
next,  they wud want us to breastfeed the Babies

hahaha*vomits*

jennykadry:
Enough of men testing women during courtship. I am advising every single lady to make sure their fiancés pass cooking tests before you say "yea" to him. Make sure you watch him cook from the scratch and produce a fantastic dish at the end. Watch the way he cuts his onions, atarodo and tatashe . But please don't say yes to a man that eats more than 3 pieces of meat whilst cooking, not a good husband material

lol!

but most men can actually cook they just don't want to?

debrief08:
Na wa oh, I am not a virtous woman be that.
Marriage is not about getting someone to cook and clean its about companioship, most Nigerian men will get a wife to cook clean and care for the kids while they go out and get girlfriends to keep them company. Not good abeg, its a partnership built on Christs sacrifical love and not selfishness where one party sits drinking beer while the other slaves away

u minding? Next the bible thumpers will be telling me i need to wash his feet with my hair like Mary Magdalene.
I cannot!

Ninapha:
Let us be truthful to ourselves even if we are not doing these things in our homes.  Even the bible tells us the qualities of a virtuous woman and that of the head of the family.   No matter how modern we think marriage has become, we cannot take away the foundation.  If you have good relationship or understanding with ur husband on these things fine if not a wife should prepare her mind towards keeping the home while the man should prepare his mind towards providing for the home, that is not to say there wont be room for switching roles.  I give u example, My husband leaves home by 6 am and comes in earliest 7. 30 pm and i understand his schedules, i have never expected him to do any chores for me, but we understand that we need each other to pull thru.  If i am tired, we could eat any light food.  He washes his cloths on Saturdays  and believe me on Sundays he leaves the house by 7. 30am and comes in 4 pm, now tell me how he would sweep and do the cleaning for me..

He makes it up to me by understanding with me when i am worn-out.  Now i have a cousin staying with me but remember u cannot leave ur home in the hands of a maid beside u must have a standard in your home which she would follow suit else, , No one is enslaving anyone except when the heart of a woman is fighting her position in the family.

This is your truth not mine- I'm not religious.
So long story short, op should read the bible and the quaran to accept, but not actually justify that it is her duty in this God given world to stress and suffer while her husband puts his feet up as the Lord your God has intended it to be. All things not being equal women should be subject to slavery.
Kinda makes me wonder what the incentive is for being religious. It's not like religious men have good qualities compared to non- religous ones.
I don't see how sweeping or cleaning is for anybody? If the house is clean do you not both benefit from it? Is the husband not further relieved when his wife can contribute to the mortgage? Will the wife not be happier when she doesn't care for the husband like a dependant? So what exactly is your incentive for being married if all it will do is stress you and drain you? why marry at all? esp if the husband needs to be catered for like a child or an elderly person?

^^ me and you. :p

I'm beggining to like this thread- 'The slaves wives on Nigeria' It's interesting to see what other women do.

hmmmmmmmmmm

Ujujoan:
Being married is not equivalent to getting a maid. He did those things as a bachelor, why should it change now

Unfortunately I think Nigerian men believe so, the worst thing is they now behave as if theyre doing you a favour by marrying you! I'm finding all of this soo degrading, I see absolutely nothing dignifying in slaving all in the name of marriage. While the husband does what? Puts his feet on the coffee table and watches match of the day *vomit*!

Violent ^^ yes it will, I need it to be fully justified and apprehended. If you like ask your neighbours son to wash your car thats not what we're discussing. We are discussing why women should lone carry essential burdens and why the husband cannot be independant in the household. If you dont like it then skim over my post.

Uju I absolutely agree with you, it's obvious the poster is trying to be some superwoman housewife like the typical wives she has been seeing and now realising it's not easy.

When she was single she may forgo cooking a 5hour pot of egunsi (and yes cooking naija food takes a minimum of 5hours exc going out to buy the stuff, it's stressful and tiring nobody should bother arguing with that) but now she's married she feels like its a necessity to have soup or stew in the house for them both to eat.s
and this is absolutely sensible-one should look after him/herself as they deem fit. What I don't understand is why she should take it upon herself alone. If they cook together it will take half the time. If they alternated schedules the task wouldnt be soo tiring. I understand when one has kids because a child cannot cook for itself but still the duties should be shared.

Anything beyond this is hogwash and nonsense. Why should I stress myself and die early so the dude can eat? I don't think so, we're both gonna get our 8 hours. I'm not losing a weekend or anything else for that matter for anybody.

AjanleKoko:
I didn't read anything anywhere. It's the woman's job to cook and do the kitchen stuff, and take care of the kids. It's the GASM (generally-acceptable societal norm).

we can do this all day, it will still boil down to you having to point out the legal clause which states this and the punishment for not doing so. Its backwards nonsense that should never be condoned.

zerocool:
Simple truth is, most career women don't do house chores. They have maid(s).

people don't have maids in london- and most women there have jobs. explain that

Can people stop saying they are blessed with helpful husbands that only help once in a while- sounds like a liability that doesnt sound helpful to me. Besides how is he 'helping' you cook food you are going to eat?  Someone point this out to me please, I've missed something very major in during my little stay in Nigeria.
Does th ewoman die sll of a sudden if her husband doesnt eat? whats the incentive?

Ujujoan:
@ Poster

I really dont see why things should be that different since its just you and your hubby for now. The truth is that your life now should not be that much different from when you were still single. The things you do now are the things you did as a spinster (except you lived with your parents all your life)  

you can forgo doing certain things if it's just you.  if your fully caring for someone else you probably cant.

AjanleKoko:
The solution is for women to stay single

Seriously, there's no solution. I wonder what OP will do when the kids come. I guess the husband can help out sha, [b]but it's still the woman's primary responsibility. [/b]You can get a maid or something.

*vomit* what utter bultrash- is this in the Nigerian constitution or something? Where did you read such nonsense?

ronkebp:
No need to say it, it can be inferred from your reply above.

don't assume, read what you see and see what you read. I never 'inferred' anything in my post.

agiboma:
I know that girl and her nonsense indeed, with her multiple user names etc. She is the most immature nairalader i have come across. In short bonvita grow the fck up. Done with you for now.

I don't expect most 'Nigerian' women to understand the concept of an open marriage, then again I myself definitely do not understand a woman staying with her husband and benefitting nothing from the marriage- except a man that violates her very being by cheating.
An open marriage makes more sense to me than a faithful woman dating a cheating husband. At least when the marriage is open there is something you agree on. What is a woman teaching her children when she succumbs to emotional abuse at the hands of their father? It's fine to do what you like so long as your a man?
I don't expect most to agree with a woman defending herself in a marriage, don't be discouraged, in the end your the one thats in the marriage and you know how you feel. You came here offering your solution to a similar problem. Yet everyone tore down on you, were you complaining?
Some people and their self righteous nonsense.

Rather than continue to preach about things we will never understand lemme ask this;

Agiboma when you started seeing someone else outside of your marriage how did you feel? What exactly changed? Are you happier now even with your own marriage? Does your husbands misbehaving bother you? Are you sane and safe?

^^ *vomits*

I swear theyre already married? i read that on a gossip site a while back

@taryour- ah sorry ooo u didnt mention that before! I thought you were saying op should prepare to carry the child on her back whilst doing midnisght cleaning when the kid arrives. . . . . . I cant even entertain the thought.
Its good your husband is supportive. which he should be. if he doesnt cook will he not eat?