₦airaland Forum

Na wa o.

She found herself in his house, abracadabra.

The problems wey this sex dey cause.

Gamesmart:
I get that point, but I disagree with your other main point.

Don't start a relationship with someone based solely or mainly on friendship.

Attraction is very important, not just communication.

It is ridiculous to be in a marriage with someone, while their cousin, friend or your work colleague gives you the butterflies more.

The root of such wrong thinking is that many women refuse to accept that men are different and attraction is the main thing that attract most of them. Many women think if they can condemn that enough and use dysphemisms like "weak", "not a real man", "immature", "shallow" etc. then they can change that setting and rewire men to go for "personality".

Many Simps will fall for that but it will end in tears for everyone. You can not fight nature. Other girls will still turn you one like mad, while you are with one that does not. Same for the woman, but she can control herself better because she has more to lose.

Marry who you are highly attracted to, get along with, can see yourself spending a lot of time with and will be good to you. Otherwise, stay single and enjoy the things you like on short term contracts with someone that meets parts of these!

Meeting someone that fits all the bill is a jackpot process that many will never get in their lifetime, hence why marriages will mostly fail or lead to unhappiness (not mainly because of people and their behaviours). Marriage should only be for a very minute few, not a major part of social life. Kolewerk!

I don't think you'll understand my point but I wish you well on yours.

Gamesmart:
I will have to disagree with that.

If I look at my life and experiences, my friendships were formed based on circumstancial meeting and friendship development.

You meet people at school/work/party/church etc. and engage with them. From the engagement, you exchange contact details without knowing their qualities.

Many of all times end up being friends. Some with qualities you like, others with qualities you might not like but you adapt to if they are tolerable and you can limit the impact of those qualities on yourself. Even some of my closest friends have qualities I am not a fan off but their other qualities and the way they make effort to be good friends is what makes us friends. If they were women, I would not shag them.

Very few highly eligible men can (or need to try to) date their friends. They meet women who are attracted to them or keen to be with them and they form a relationship.

Furthermore, I definitely will not be in a sexless relationship. Any girl who has such limits will only and always only be my friend, not someone I would be in a relationship with.

All I'm saying is don't start a relationship with someone because you want to sleep with them.

Don't let that be the foundation of a relationship or marriage.

I rest my case.

ImaIma1:
I can totally relate. It makes it so much more easier. I was friends with my husband since we were teenagers without any strings. When we decided to date which was awkward at first, we dated only three months before he proposed.

The fact that you can be free, discuss anything, be the first person you want to share news with, makes it so natural. Friendship is key.

Not so many are blessed to have what we have.

I'm just thankful I didn't miss it.

Gamesmart:
I don't have friends I have sexual feelings towards.

Phew!!! ......................Thank God, I am straight.

Neither do I want to have the kind of love (or attraction) I have for my friends for anyone I marry (if I do).

Any girl that is like a friend to me, will remain a friend to me.

If I was to marry, then she would have to be attractive to me from the first time I see her, we will build chemistry, we will be compatible and then we can form a strong bond that can be described as "friendship" (but will probably be stronger than that).

Saying I would marry a girl who is my friend and not someone I have serious attraction to (from the beginning) is a recipe for failure especially when the demand is that it is only her I look at sexually till I die. That expectation alone is already something that seems destined to fail. There are many girls I just find damn sexy and I see everyday.

Maybe women can do it like that (aka friendship), but most of the men that tell you that they can operate that way are bloody liars or have low confidence in themselves to attract an attractive woman, hence settle. I guarantee you that.

You don't want either type of men except you like playing the lottery or you have low confidence too and are willing to settle.

There is something that will first of all draw you towards someone as regards friendship. Qualities in a person that makes you want to be their friend. I don't know how it works for men as I'm not a man but I've been told by a lot of my male friends that they got close to me cause of the way I talk, cause of how well read and vast I am, how I walk like I own the place, my confidence and boldness, etc. And to be honest, all the guys I was in a relationship except one, we were friends first and built on the friendship. It's prolly why our breakups were not because of compatibility.

There's still none of them that I can't say I can live with.

Even though the relationship ended, the friendship didn't.

PS, all my relationships were sexless relationships.

There are other grandmothers who didn't go to these extremes and are still hawt.

Gamesmart:
I have friends and the love I have for them is not the type of love I have for a woman I am highly attracted to.

A friend is just a person I care about and enjoy spending time with. I don't want to shag them.

That's what I'm saying. If you have that same friendship with a woman, there's already love in that friendship. It is not the kind of love that makes you want to shag them, else you'd be shagging all your friends, male and female.

It's attraction that makes you have sexual feelings for someone and that should come after friendship.

I was friends with my husband for two years, in those two years, he had two other women he dated, I was trying to fix a dead relationship that wasn't fixable till we decided to give ourselves a try. Remember we were already friends.

We dated for three months and in those three months, the attraction and chemistry was wild, so wild I was wondering where it came from. That attraction and chemistry is still very much alive.

Friendship builds a foundation for your marriage. It isn't that enough to enter a relationship just cause you're attracted to someone, that foundation is shaky as hell.

Be their friend first.

ProfTel98:
It is well with Mr Trump o. By the way, Biden may not even be better than him. Who knows. No be same thing happen here in 2015

Are you a Trump supporter?

Hmmn.

mithras:
What if that person is two years older than you and has certain attitudes like being controlling, emotionally manipulative and somewhat entitled to your money?

You are already in a toxic relationship I guess?

If you were friends first before starting a relationship, I want to believe you'd have noticed these toxic traits.

Yampotatocarrot:
Very valid points you raised there. I think the issue is, for some men (I inclusive), we don't actually discuss how our day went or any of those other stuffs... And in cases where we even want to do so, 100 times out of 100, we'll rather do so with male friends than females.

I think it's high time men desist from marriage and leave it for only those who are comfortable enough to discuss their problems, how their day went, their goals, e.t.c. with the opposite sex...

That way, we'll have less of these divorces.

Thing is a marriage cannot work if you refuse to let yourself be vulnerable. You can only be vulnerable to your friend.

Your spouse should be someone you can discuss anything with. The reason many men resort to beer parlours is cause them no fit gist with their wife.

biggy26:
Very well said! Are you married?

Yes I am.

Samakus:
This....

Ladies, gentlemen and all those yet to make up their mind...

Is the microcosm of what marriage should be about!

Can I marry asap?

Lol. I am already married.

Midas01:
In all that you mentioned you omitted the most. Important thing...Love.

You're 100% right but a marriage without love is no marriage at all.

And you think there is no love in friendship?

foleskay:
You already know what you typed is erroneously false, That's y u mentioning thunder. even though its your opinion but its still subjected to scrutiny and criticism .

My opinion is not meant for everyone to accept, the thunder I mentioned is for those who are incapable of critiquing without insults.

It's okay to also ignore my opinion if it seems foolish to you.

emusmithyy:
Then you know what you're saying.

I believe I do.

emusmithyy:
Are you married?

Yes. I am.

This marriage matter.

A lot of people build their marriage on the wrong foundation.

Money, sex, looks, loneliness, desperation and some other mundane reasons.

The best foundation to build a marriage is on friendship and that's why you'll hear marriage counsellors say "marry your friend".

Take away sex from most relationships there will be nothing left, you'll discover the sex isn't even enough to keep it going. Sex that should be the icing on the cake has become the entire cake.

Money that should add spice to the marriage has become the entire food. He must have money, he must have a good car, she must be working and earning her own money etc. Once the money is not there anymore, water done pass garri.

Don't get me started on the Looks part, you'll marry because she has big bumbum and boobs, or because he is tall dark or fair and handsome with a six inch rod. A time will come that all these things won't do it for you anymore.

Marry your friend. That person that comes to your mind when you want to have deep discussions about your dreams, your bad day, your plans, your failures. That person that you will forget about time and keep talking with cause conversation and laughter and joys and tears just comes real.

That is what brings intimacy. The attraction, sex, money, looks all those ones na jara.

My opinion o. So before you mention me and insult me, take note of the fact that it's my opinion, make Thunder no fire you this morning.

Mehn, e be like say na Cow and pig poop then use mix the weed wey this people dey smoke.

You have refused to place restrictions to the activities of herdsmen killing people in your country, na Trump matter Una carry for head like who dey hawk pure water.

So what will?

If I get the kind money wey this girl papa get, I'll be sitting on one of the board's.

Person wey get head no get cap sha.

Let him just win this Fury Match, Cash out and ball out.

Ebola o.

Na now film start.

American film.

Trump has given America to the dogs.



Trump supporters entered inside the house chambers gangan.

Curfew has just been declared.

America done dey become third world country o.

We don't even patronise those who produce their goods in Nigeria. How we wan grow?

khiaa:
No, but I have seen them and that ugly mutt/bitch isn't one.

This dog is ugly?

Abeg make we see you own dogs.

Una no fit do anything. Awon agbaya jatijati, awon alai l'anfani.

TruthSeeker1:
Very true. A good example is "Romanoff"!

Very true. A good example is "Romanoff"!

See your teeth.

Some give their children names cause it sounds good not even caring about the meaning.

Congrats to him as we await his wedding notification to the mother of his child.

Shall we share the grace in fellowship.

paix:
Thanks, is it in Yoruba language? There was a song we used to sing when we were little kids.

Yes it Yoruba.