₦airaland Forum

I think an important question you should ask a prospective partner these days is what they see themselves as in the next 10-15 years to come.

So, me and this onye ocha have been texting on Tinder.

Great lady! Communication skills, top notch.

Tells me about this Nigerian guy who she was supposed to get married to, only to discover he had a wife.

I apologized on all our behalf.

Then she goes;

"I should ask, are you okay with gender non-conforming people?"

"You mean the LGBTQ community?" I reply.

"The T in them, actually. The Transgenders, are you okay with them?" She says.

"I have no business with the way anyone chooses to live their life." I replied.

That's when she goes to drop the bombshell.

"I'm asking because, I was born female, but I'll like to go on Testosterone and get a top surgery so I could transition to male. So, I want to know if you'd be cool with it in case we start dating or get married."

Wow! So, like this we'll be addressed as Mr and Mr Ifejuka?

Why me? Why Not Allah Kaduna?

Let's talk about white under wears, especially under pants.

See enh, there's nothing more sexy wearing white briefs, panties or boxers.

It makes you look and feel sexy. Especially when you're going to be with le boo all day.

But the problem is the washing after wearing them.

Getting that nyansh stain is where the Major problem lies.

Because white underwear and nyash stain be like 5 and 6.

You'll wear a clean white underwear this minute, in the next 1 hour, your nyash has stained it.

And It doesn't matter the amount of hypo you use, nyansh stain is always difficult to get off completely, especially white cotton material.

After this last packs I bought and was seeing nyash nyash nyash everywhere, I vowed to stop wearing white.

2go was bigger than Facebook in Nigeria with over 12 million users from Nigeria while Facebook had 6.5 Million users in 2012

It was the hottest app, everyone was using it, if you were not on 2go you were not a cool kid, I got my first feature phone (java phone) around 2008, and was instantly addicted to the app

The funny part was I didn't even create a new account, I bought a used phone, when I opened the 2go app, I found the previous owners account and just started using it

Looking at the craze that surrounded the 2go app back then, it could have been the first African owned successful social network, well....it was for five years, but after that it became a child's app

Everyone says WhatsApp killed 2go, what they don't know is that WhatsApp actually launched two years after 2go launched, and 2go reigned three more years while WhatsApp watched

WhatsApp only became the goto app in Africa after Android became popular in Africa, 2go failed to evolve, they just ported their featured phone (java phone) app into an Android shell and launched

And then they failed to include media, WhatsApp allowed people to share photos, allowed people to create groups for free unlike 2go rooms which you have no control over and you still have to buy gocredit to access

It took a while, but then everyone made a switch

The thing about social networking is we need each other for a community to thrive, if all my friends are on WhatsApp I got to be on WhatsApp to connect with them, when I log into 2go and find nobody I'll leave, check them out on WhatsApp, after a while I stopped checking 2go, after a while I uninstalled the app

This is the same reason Telegram is not the default messaging app in Africa, people are used to WhatsApp, all our friends and famiily are on WhatsApp, bro you've got to give us free internet access for us to switch over, no kidding

2go refused to pivot also, WhatsApp now has status, because without that people won't access the app unless they have messages, they want to keep you engaged, they want to give you a reason to open the app even when you haven't received a message notification

If only 2go had added a user feed, or a media status like that of WhatsApp, maybe it would have been a different story

Would have made me feel good that my brothers from SA made a really popular social app

Today all of Africa's social spaces are controlled by the western world, they know everything about us, even more than our government does

Yes, Facebook knows where you are now, your government doesn't even know where you currently live, they have no recent photo of you

2go is that great fallen iroko tree

I like to think that there are 2 types of class reps.

A: the ones that do the normal things: talk to lecturers, talk to the class, collect bills, and do all that stuff.

B: the ones that go the extra mile.

Most females fall under number 1, and it’s all well and good, but the truth is that, in Nigerian universities, you need Classreps that can go the extra mile.

Some time ago, I had issues with a course and I didn’t know what to do, so I called my class rep and complained.

This guy left everything he was doing and took me to every office in this school to get it sorted.

While we were together, I saw how every other person was calling him, the same exact way I called him, and he promised all of them that he would help them find solutions.

One time, a friend of mine thought she had registered her courses, and on the day of exam, she found out that she hadn’t.

My class rep left his own exam and went to plead with the lecturers to let her write, with the promise that they’d sort it out.

After the exam, he took her to every office he could, he even went to the Vc’s office with her and true to his words, it was solved.

This morning alone, I have called my classrep 5 times, and anytime I call, he answers, yesterday, I called him severally as well, and he always answers.

Not a lot of women are going to do that, it’s not misogyny, it’s just what it is.

I cannot imagine what a girl would do if I call her 5 times in a few minutes to sort something out.

I also feel that a man would have more confidence to negotiate with lecturers, both make and female, at least, more than the average woman.

Many of these lecturers are old fashioned, and they’d rather talk to a boy about some kinds of stuff.

The women might do the standard stuff and be good at it, but in Nigerian universities, you don’t need just the standard.

2: if there is something to be Negotiated by a male classrep, most times it would end in contributing money.

After hearing about many sex for grade issues, I’m worried about what will happen if a female goes to ask for extra favour.

3: A lot of women become snubs or become rude when they are faced with high pressure, or have to relate with everybody, and I feel that since the classrep position is one that involves relating with people, both the class, and lecturers on a personal level, it’s best left for a person who can tolerate it.

I’d prefer a woman even becomes Sug President, but that classrep part, let it be.

Also, you may not understand if you’ve been lucky so far.

But trust me, when you have a missing script, or a missing CA, and you need help.

You will know the difference between a male and female classrep.

Now that everyone has read Saint Obi’s marriage story and how it led to his death, let me just tell you the truth.

Dear Kings and Queens, in these times, you are 70% likely to marry a wrong partner that will change the trajectory of your life from positive to negative or even worse, lead you to your early grave.

Saint Obi gave up his career and it still wasn’t enough. He gave up his life because of a wrong marriage.

This is why the person you marry is perhaps the most important decision you’ll ever make, you cannot leave that decision to chance.

You can study Economics for 4 years, graduate, be unemployed and go back to school to study medicine in 8 years and start practicing.

You can correct several mistakes you make in your youth but marriage is one thing you cannot correct.

Some people will comment that they can divorce, but by the time you’ll be filing for divorce, marriage would have taken your life to a trajectory where you may not recover from.

It is my prayer that all of you reading this posts make the most intentional choice of partners.

Men, find good and kind women who are untouched by the fabric of modern society.

Women, be found only by men who have strong character and family values.

Half of your life problems are solved with the right partner.

Goodluck everyone.

The story of Madam Koi Koi, a ghost in Nigerian and African urban legend who haunts dormitories, hallways and toilets in boarding schools at night.

Madam Koi Koi is a ghost in Nigerian and African urban legend who haunts dormitories, hallways and toilets in boarding schools at night, while in day schools she haunts toilets and students who come to school too early or leave school late.

She is often depicted wearing a pair of red heels or wearing a single heel.

The story of Madam Koi Koi has survived the times and still haunts many secondary school students in their nightmares.

In Nigeria, there are several popular myths that have endured for many decades,

Myths such as Queen of the Coast and Bush Babies are some of the most popular myths in Nigeria. They are legends told from generation to generation.

One of such legends or myths is the legend of Madam Koi Koi. No one knows exactly when the story started but the story of a ghost female teacher with red high heels has haunted boarding schools in Nigeria for decades.

This is the legend of Madam Koi Koi. There are several stories but this is the most popular one. Once upon a time there was a beautiful teacher in a secondary school at Aba, Saint Maria located at Holloway CRESCENT.

She was known for her beauty and her red heels which she wore upon her death. Whenever she walked in the hallways her shoes will make one sound ‘Koi Koi’.

It was also said she was very nasty to students and would beat them up for no given reason. You could say she was hated. Sometimes she will write on the on the school chalkboard, I will be coming tomorrow.

Legend has it that she was feared when she slapped a female student and injured her ear. On her journey back home, Madam Koi Koi was involved in an accident and died.

Before she died she swore that she would have her revenge on the school and its students. According to legend her grave was chain but madman unchain it making it possible for her to continue to hunt her students

Not too long after, students of the secondary school said at night they would hear a ‘Koi Koi’ sound in the hallways of their dormitories after lights out, almost like the clicking of heels on a floor.

Till today this story persists. It is said Madam Koi Koi only comes out at night to haunt students. The stories have gone beyond one secondary school to other secondary schools in Nigeria.

Is there really a story about the ghost of a female teacher haunting students or is this a tale made up by teachers to discourage students from wandering during lights out?

Was She Real?
So, the tale then was that she or rather her restless spirit goes from school to school tutoring students.

What’s your take ?

Dear Kings and Queens

Don’t marry anyone your parents do not approve of. They know what they’re saying, they’ve seen more in life than you have and their experience has defined their disposition to people.

You that is in love will think that they just don’t want you to be happy and go ahead and marry the person for your “happiness” and life will teach you lessons that you should have avoided if you had just listened to your parents.

No matter how educated and advanced we think we are, we are not wiser than our parents. That thing that they’re seeing and telling you No, you won’t see it because you are blinded by love and when your eyes don clear, it’ll be too late for you.

I expect someone to come and comment “I know someone that their parents didn’t approve but…” as if they’re inside the marriage with the couple. Always knowing but not doing.

What’s your worst friendship betrayal experience?

At the gym.

Two teenagers, not more than the ages of 15.

Me saying 15 is trying to save their faces; they looked 14.

They came into the gym.

I thought they were cleaners initially, till they started fiddling with the equipment.

You could tell this was the first time they were in a gym.

I was wondering who let this children come here, until a waitress brought two bottles of water for them.

The hotel where I gym, they sell their water for 1000 naira. So, anyone you see ordering water there, just know the person has money.

I was observing quietly.

They both had two phones each.

iPhone 14 pro Max and a 13.

I asked the gym instructor who they were and he said they had lodged in the hotel the previous night, and they came to workout that morning as part of the complimentary package.

At one point, one of the kid took a call and was giving someone directions.

Not too long, two mature ladies not less than the ages of 25 showed up.

They told the girls to ask the receptionist key and wait for them.

As the girls were leaving, one of the guys slapped her buttocks and said it was because of her he was working out, so he could deal with her.

I see people say women don't know how to handle rejection.

I've seen women say men don't know how to.

But I'm here to tell you that as a heterosexual man, homosexual men don't know how to handle rejection from straight people.

So, this guy in my inbox who has been pestering my life to come see him in Onitsha.

He has promised me heaven and Earth.

One time he even sent me 50k to buy lunch, with the transfer narration reading;

"There's more where that came from."

The pestering became too much, as I couldn't understand why nwoke ibe m would ask me to travel all the way to Onitsha to spend the weekend with him.

So, I had to ask him in plain English;

"What do you want?"

And that was where the horror began.

He told me several things, but kept emphasising on how he wanted my 9 inches to drill his bubble butt.

I politely declined and told him I was not interested.

Mr Alex didn't agree. As a matter of fact, he told me to name my price.

Chai! I have always said I was an ashawo, but not to the male gender nah.

Anyway, I stopped replying his message.

Then, one day he goes ahead to send me one last message before blocking me.

"Keep pretending. You and I know you're a full blooded homosexual who disguises with his 9 inches so that Facebook women won't think you're one of us. You can keep deceiving Facebook girls with that stupid 9 inches of yours. But the heart knows what it wants. Ashawo Homo Night Mile!"

I was with my bro the other day and his iPhone was connected to one of the speakers at home and he was jamming to this maâd song by Odumodu Blvck.

"I dey feel like Declan rice Odumooo, feel like Declan rice philo…. Odumo"

At some point the music stopped, I thought maybe he was on a call….fast forward to 10mins I didn’t hear any "smack them, Ekelebe stunner"

So I decided to go get some water in the fridge, behold my brothers and sisters…..iPhone Xs max chilling inside😂💔

I said guy no be your phone be this?? He said the phone started over heating so he had to put it inside the fridge for it to cool down, I wan d!e😂😂😂💔

Something wey my android no fit do😂😂😂

See chats

How To Become An Instagram Baddie And Start Cashing Out.

1). At least, have iPhone Xr for taking pictures m

2). Have a friend who has an iPhone 11 at least, so the three cameras can be showing when you take mirror selfies.

3). Have plenty ashawo gowns.

4). Take pictures of you choking your neck, flaunting your ass, and sitting in position that reveals your inner thighs.

5). Have a few pictures where you were in a restaurant showcasing your meal with a glass of wine. Don't forget to wear ashawo gown.

6). If you are posting 5 pictures at once, don't forget to always make the last slide blurry.

7). You must invest in a good wig, because you don't want to look too cheap. If you don't have a good wig, borrow from a friend who has.

. Always share random stuff on your stories, like memes, motivational stuff and always repost Tunde Ednut.

9). Beg one skin care or butt enhancer brand to make you their ambassador.

10. Don't forget to put "disabled at 20k" on your bio

You see that nonsense saying of women preferring dark skinned guys to light skinned ones?

It's the biggest lie of the century!

And I think every light skinned guy knows this.

Ask most light skinned guys whom they have been hitting regularly and they'll tell you it's women of all complexion.

The only reason why they come online to say they don't like fair guys, is because most of them fair guys are too cute to even look their way.

And there's this general conception that light skinned guys are "womanizers" because a lot of women want them. So, most of these women have been heartbroken by a light dude before, hence their preference for dark skinned men whom they think have tamed phallus.

But, in the end, women's dislike for light skinned men, is the same as the response you get when you say a light skinned woman is beautiful.

"Is it because she's fair? Remove fairness and she go wowo."

That's just you hating. Deep down, y'all simp for fair guys.

It's really sad that the only thing Nigerian women consider as a date, is when you take them out and they order one cooler of party jollof and assorted meat to eat and take home.

Who brought the rule that a date is where you must go to eat something?

There was this girl I was talking to. We were supposed to see, so I suggested a beautiful landmark that was close to us.

She agreed and that's how this girl and I went on a date walk.

When we got home, she texted me that I was a stingy and inconsiderate man.

That after making her trek her destiny in the name of date and making her forcefully burn 5000 calories, that I couldn't even stop at an early to get common eba and soup for her as compensation.

Like! Please, it's more honourable to say you're hungry and a man should buy you food, than to be disguising in the name of date.

A date is where two people go out to meet, so they can get to know themselves more.

So, tell me why we will go out and you're ordering for basmati rice and shredded beef?

What happened to diet Coke and maybe buns?

Who says you must even eat?

Sightseeing is a date. Walking is a date. Late night driving is a date. There's even a roof top date. A football game is a date. But take Nigerian girl to follow you to go and watch Enyimba and Ogbomosho stars play, you'll come back to read Dear Ovu, I feel insulted.

Even a cinema date, that should be just popcorn and water, Nigerian girls will still find a way to tell you to order sharwama for them.

How To Identify Girls With Water Spirit.

1). Any Fair Amaka is 99.9 percent likely to be from water.

2). Those girls who are extremely neat, arranged and can fight your destiny if you as much as pick their stuff and not return it where you got it from, are from water.

3). If she loves plaiting corn rows, especially those two single type.

4). Those girls who can bath up to five times a day.

5). If she loves wearing trinkets, bangles, waist beads, ankle beads and has cowries on her head.

6). If she's always complaining about mood swings, just know it's her Ogbanje from the Marine kingdom that is manifesting.

7). Any girl that hates fish is from water; they can't eat their own people.

. Take her to a swimming pool and pay attention to how she swims. If she swims like a mermaid, run maka ndu gi!

9). Their Igbo names always ends with Ka. Example, Amaka, Njideka, Ginika, Anwurika. They also bear English names like Sophia, Linda, Jennifer.

10). They don't play with fanta.

I just saw an advert for a house for sale somewhere in Lekki Nigeria, they called the place Osapa London.

The building is just georgina abi na gorgeous and exquisite. The inside and outside are cute. The colour combination and finishing are just awesome.

They said it has a massive living room. It has a walk-in shower. It has a POP ceiling with spotlights and inbuilt speakers. There is a private cinema and a swimming pool. They said the toilet is luxurious and that your shit will smell luxurious too. Chaiiii!

The list of things in the house and what the house can do is endless...

The price: 850 million Naira. At the official rate of naira to dollars, that will be more than 1.8 million USD. I saw another one, it is for 450M naira. That is almost 1 Million dollars.

That was when I paused to look at the building again.

In that building, no space in the compound to plant trees, plant vegetables, or create gardens. The space between the fence and the building is just small.

To enjoy the whole building and everything inside, you must have constant electricity. Is the govt providing 24/7 electricity or you will use generators?

What about security? Is the country secured? Will you be needing a personal 'vigilante' and once in a while give some money to the police DPO?

What about driving to the airport or any place around Lagos? Will you employ security men that will continuously follow you to clear the traffic and chase away agberos? Or will people give way to you because your house is bought for 1.8 or 1 million dollars?

What about water? The water that is coming out from the tap of the building, is it drinkable or you will need to be buying bottled water?

So you see, buying an expensive house or car in Nigeria does not shield you from bad government.

To me, those living in luxury are those whose countries are safe...those who have electricity 24/7, and those whose compounds are filled with trees for natural air and can plant vegetables. It is not the size of the house, but the amount of peace you have in it that should define luxury.

On a more serious note, 1.8 Million dollars can build four estates somewhere o...

650,000 barrels per day Dangote Refinery, the world’s largest single-train refinery, is set for inauguration on May 22nd, 2023, by President Muhammadu Buhari.

The facility will produce 3 billion standard cubic feet of gas, 65 million liters of premium motor spirits (petrol), 15 million liters of diesel, and 4 million metric tons of jet fuel each day, or approximately 8 million tons of petroleum products annually.

The total cost of the refinery is estimated at $19 billion. The project stretched our richest man, Alhaji Aliko Dangote, to almost his breaking point. From scarcity of dollars to imports of items required for the construction of the refinery to battling with COVID, which delayed the project by at least two years.

The dream of having refinery has been long in coming, and it actually started in 2007, during Chief Olusegun Obasanjo's regime. This was the time when Aliko Dangote led a consortium that bought two old Nigerian refineries from Obasanjo.

Obasanjo's plan was to get rid of fuel subsidies and then allow the private sector to manage our inefficient refineries. But late Yaradua came and reversed the decision, and because of that, we are still paying hugely for subsidy.

If we had let go of subsidies in 2007 and then allowed Dangote to manage our refineries since 2007, Nigeria would have been richer today, and the dollar would not have been more than 300 to the dollar.

The Dangote Refinery is a game changer. Perhaps nothing in the last decade will have as much impact on our economy as this project. The first immediate impact will be that the Naira will have less negative pressure because fuel imports are the most significant drain on our foreign reserved.

Aliko Dangote deserves our eternal gratitude and respect for what he is doing.

He is the second-highest employer of labor in Nigeria today after the government, when the refinery starts working at the full capacity, more people will be employed by him and it is projected that the employees under his payroll will reach 100,000 at that time.

Yummy

My younger brother and I registered for UTME 2021. We were to write at the same venue, and were coincidentally appointed same seat number 213. But he wrote on Monday and I did on Tuesday.

On Sunday night, we went to our father to bless us. He is a Juju man. Strong one.

Boheje, my younger brother went in first and father vigorously chanted incantations for him.

I went in, half way through the door, with one leg in and another out. I met his scornful look and I got the message, I left the room.

Father was still angry with me for killing one of three fowls that were brought to him for sacrifice. I had prepared peppered-chicken with it for my girlfriend on the 14th day of the second month of the year.

When he found out, he swore that I would fail my examinations.

When I left his room that Sunday night, I stopped reading, what need? I will fail after all.
Results were out days later but I didn't check mine until Saturday the following week.

Eyes wide open. Mouths the same. Phone dropped on the floor. Hands on my head.

How come? I scored 276.
I passed. No? I surpassed!!

I ran to father and had a good laugh at him, his curse failed. He looked at me. Started with a slight movement on the left side of his lips. Then a small smile. Then a broad one. Then a chuckle.

Finally, a full and loud laughter.
He opened his mouth and spoke, "Men carry spirits around. Some, good spirits, others, the opposite. These spirits are like the scents of body sprays that follow a person around. This scent is contagious.

I didn't forgive you, neither did my curse fail. Or maybe it did. Your brother's guiltlessness carries a scent of GRACE around.

His scent of GRACE is so strong that when you sat on the same seat number 213 as he did the previous day, that GRACE covered you and overcame my curse."

I bowed my head to the ground and said tearfully,
"Despite my failings, GRACE found me"

#FICTION

The hook up culture in Nigeria is so bad that even regular working 9-5 babes engage in it.

It has destroyed the fabrics of romantic relationships.

Before prost was something you’d go to a particular area and see prostitutes displaying their bodies and waiting to be picked up.

Then it evolved to dating apps like Badoo, inmessage and Tinder. But now I tell you that there are hook up babes everywhere. On the streets and every social media.

Sex has never been this commercialized since the beginning of time.

I pity men that haven’t married yet because the search for decent women is so hard.

The other day, a hook up babe on my WhatsApp posted her engagement video and I started crying for the man. (I know she’s a hook up babe because I know people that have patronized her. Is that what you want to hear?)

But of course, it is not my business.

Every man must live with the consequence of his actions.

?

I wrote Jamb 8 times, it's a part of my life I don't fancy talking about. On the 9th year, the day I got to the hall, I finished writing, put everything in the hands of God and left. I got my result and narrowly escaped failure.

I was happy, I didn't mind my low score, all that was in my mind was that I passed. My father had discarded me as a failure in the family already but I happily went home to show him that the rejected stone was now the chief corner stone... although the cement never dry well.

On my way home that year, a car knocked me down while I tried to cross the road with so much excitement. I became unconscious immediately and was rushed to the hospital. I didn't know what happened but when I woke up on the hospital bed, I saw a lady beside me with the doctor. She was crying and pleading with the doctor to save me before our eyes eventually met.

Doctor said it was a miracle that I was still alive cos normally I never chop that day plus the Kain accident wey I get, na dle l suppose dle but God said no. After I was discharged from the hospital, I went back home and narrated the incident to my parents. We thanked God.

I don't know how the lady that knocked me down located my house but she did. I introduced her to my parents as the girl who knocked me down. She apologized once again and said she came to see me. She came with banana and groundnuts and we gradually became friends and close to each other.

She started coming from time to time and we got closer and closer. One day, she decided to introudce me to her parents. I went there with her and discovered her father was a King, she was a princess all along and I never knew. My approach to her changed totally and she noticed it immediately and quickly said I should be myself around her and not treat her like a princess but like every other girl.

I started coming to her house more often and her father gradually liked me... I liked him too, he was calm and reserved like I am. He asked to see my parents, he wanted to know who raised me up to have such character. I notified my parents about everything and came with them the next day.

The king saw my parents and was shocked. My mother was shocked too. What happened? They explained that the king and my mother knew each other when he was still a prince and they were in love. He was a b@d boy then, so he impregnated her and left. She barely had any information about him and this was the first time she's seeing him after he left her with the pregnancy, 27 years ago.

The king apologised to her after telling the story. They both cried while the rest of us watched in shock. He asked about the pregnancy and she told him she kept the baby. The baby grew up to be me. I was the child he left.

The king cried at my feet and apologized again. I forgave him while shedding tears too. He didn't waste any time in notifying the chiefs and kinsmen about me. I was his only son, because he already had a daughter. A week later, the king had stroke and died of uIcer.

After the burial, since I was the only son, they made me the king and I brought my parents to live with me in the palace. The family of Igwe Iloka lived happily ever after. THE END.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY.

Marketed and distributed Nationwide by O.C plaza around upper Iweka road, Onitsha

A guy I met on Facebook added something to my drink on our first meeting.

I think It's time to share my experience so nobody falls victim again.

Ladies, you need to be careful. This guy was very active on my wall, commenting on anything that concerns me. I loved his vibes.

On his birthday, he wished I hang out with him even if it was for 30mins. Because I don't like meeting people, especially online, that decision was very hard for me. After several thoughts, I accepted because it was his birthday lemme make it beautiful for him at least.

I told him not to pick me, I will find my way. I arrived at the restaurant, One thing I do each time I arrive at a place is to observe my environment very well.

I could recognize him quickly because he looked exactly like the person on his DP. Another guy was seating on the driver's side discussing with him.

So I dial his number, he came out of the car and saw me. So we entered the restaurant, I gave him the present I got for him.

He offered me a lot which I declined. I hardly take things on a date, hang out, or meet except we are close enough in real life.

I noticed his unhappy face because I declined all he offered, I felt for him. So I decided to take a bottle of coke. he ordered something for himself.

While he was eating, the waitress over the counter called his attention and dropped the bill note containing the transfer account details. I looked around, there was no other waiter in sight, so I got up to pick up the note.

I came back to my seat and noticed my drink bubbling. You know how it is to drop something inside a carbonated drink. So he quickly requested the bill note to do the transfer, a means to divert my attention.

I relaxed as if nothing happened, I started bringing on topics for discussion so I can take a little time before I leave...

He noticed that I wasn't taking the drink anymore, he urged me to take the drink so he can order more. I told him I was satisfied already. He persisted but I told him I was badly belching already. I told him never to worry, that I will pay for the drink.

So I brought out my phone and faked a distress call. After pretending on the phone for up to 5 minutes. I told him that I will have to go and that the people I left before coming are on my neck.

I begged him to permit me. He told me that he didn't like what I did to the drink he offered me, he can only be happy if I finish up the drink.
I took the coke, covered it, and told him that I will finish it at home. I patted his back, still, he was protesting.

He escorted me out. He told me to join them so they can drop me off. Thanks to God, a bike Just dropped somebody. I mounted on the bike.

While the bike man was driving out, he moved to the car where the other guy was waiting and was telling him something.

When I got to my place, I went to the messenger to thank him for the drink. I could no longer see his account. Everything was white. I called the number he gave me, but it was no longer going.
Up till today, that number never connected again.

You need to be careful with all this “when am I seeing you, I'll like to meet you..” most of them are not genuine. No matter how close you are with anybody here online, please be careful.
They can do anything to have you!.

It's true that 99% of people following me here, do not know me. They have never met me before but I so much value them. I appreciate these friends of mine on this space.

“Men are afraid of successful women”

I wonder why men allowed this lie to go unchallenged for so long.

That is, they deceived so many women to believe that a man will see a woman making ground breaking achievements in her industry and be afraid of her success, instead he will go and chase one broke, unemployed and uninspiring woman.

Which successful woman in this world is single because men are afraid of her?

Watch women claim now that they know someone, not them oh. Someone.

I can tell you for free that a woman will buy Toyota Big for nothing and starts talking down on men that don’t have cars, becomes unnecessary rude to everyone around her and when people avoid her, she’ll say it’s because she’s successful.

No one is avoiding you because you are successful, they are avoiding you because of your bad attitude. There are women that are more successful than you that are happily married.

Why your own dey different?

Men are not afraid of successful women. Men are afraid of women with bad attitude, successful or not.

How did you find out??

One of the ways women use to set standards for men is to call themselves “high maintenance” or “expensive women” because they have been exposed to luxury by a rich ex boyfriend. This luxury is the body cream they now use and the high end IPhones their exes bought for them.

So they start calling themselves “High maintenance women” or “expensive women” so that any man that’s coming for them should be able to sponsor the lifestyle that their exes introduced them to.

Meanwhile, they are basically broke women who are materialistic and are looking for rich men to live off on.

Because women who have their own money do not call themselves expensive women or high maintenance women. They call themselves rich women and don’t need any man to sponsor their lifestyle.

One month in 2019, I was very bored, not broke oh, just bored, In fact, January that year, I closed the biggest deal of my life as at then so it was not a money thing.

I decided to use my SUV to register for Bolt. At least let the car be able to buy fuel for itself.

It was the worst month of my life.

I used to hear a lot of complaints about Bolt drivers on social media until I became a bolt driver and realized that truly most Nigerians are badly behaved. And among them, women top the list. Female riders are the worst, especially the young ones. Tueh.

Jesus. I saw terrible things.

I am a very patient person and I never had any fallouts with any of my riders but God, it’s because I was doing it for fun than for money so I was very calm about it.

I deleted the app and moved on with my life. Never again. God forbid.

I have 2 cars that I rarely drive. If life ever deals with me and I’m pushed to look for money, I will rather sell the cars and move to a fishing port near my village than to register as a Bolt driver again.

How Nigerian men celebrate their birthdays

Day of Birthday- Social media post of pictures or video with caption "Happy birthday to me. Thank God for adding another year to me"

Evening of Birthday - Goes to regular spot with friends and drinks regular beer. Pays for drinks, friends support the bill. Everyone goes home happy.

How Nigerian women celebrate their birthdays

2 months to birthday - social media post "Can't wait for my birthday 2 months from now.

1 month to birthday - contacts tailor for birthday dress, contacts photographer for birthday photoshoot. Posts on social media "1 month to my birthday"

2 weeks to birthday - starts planning birthday dinner, gets quote from venue, photographer and tailor. Posts on social media "2 weeks to go. I have started accepting birthday gifts"

7 days to birthday - begins fundraising for birthday event via private messaging. Posts on social media "I'll know those who love me 1 week from today"

3 days to birthday - Releases behind the scenes videos from birthday photoshoot, sends birthday wishlist privately to toasters and active boyfriends. Publishes birthday party invite.

Night before birthday- Sends birthday pictures to everyone on her contact list on WhatsApp to upload. Releases more behind the scene videos of photoshoot. Posts final countdown "2 hours to go to my birthday. In addy to me"

Day of birthday- Posts all 10 pictures from photoshoot on social media, tags 99 other people and captions it "Happy birthday to me, God's favorite child. I love the woman I'm becoming... etc". Screenshot everyone's birthday wish on WhatsApp status and uploads on her own status. Releases an old video of her dancing or twerking. Publicly publishes her birthday wishlist this time. If she doesn't have a wishlist, she posts her account number. “Those asking for my account number, here it is” Nobody asked fam.

Evening of Birthday- Birthday dinner starts with people saying nice things about the celebrant, then the MC starts asking people for money to "cut the cake". When they're done with that, they start with games like devil's mail bag to try and raise more money to cover the bill of the party.

Morning after birthday- Posts on social media "Thank you all for celebrating with me"

Evening after birthday- Posts on social media "Now I know those that really love me"

1 week after birthday- Posts on social media "I'm still accepting birthday gifts"

Thief.

Dear Kings.

We live in crazy times.

You should not allow a woman you aren’t married to spend the night with you. Conduct your business during the day and let her go her way.

If anything goes wrong, Police no dey hear “she’s my girlfriend”.

Even husbands face some legal scrutiny when their wives suddenly pass away. Come imagine ordinary sex partner.

You will spend at least 3 months in prison first make your head cool down as police dey investigate and do autopsy. Your penis will only be useful for urinating then.

Dear Kings. LEARN CONSENT!

Considering the recent dramatic upsurge in rape accusations, the safest and most advisable approach is still abstinence, even though it’s tough.
Some of these things are just better off avoided.

Before you touch a woman, ask her if she wants to be touched. If she says no, don’t. Don’t insist, don’t try to change her mind. Don’t try to convince her. Hold your frame, be a man and be in charge of your body.

Yes, she’s in your house. Yes, she came by herself. Yes, you sent transport money. Yes, she dressed sexy and wore a short skirt. But No, she refused your advances, all of that doesn’t translate to a yes. It is just sex, you won’t die if you don’t get it from her or even from anyone else.

Even if you’re already having sex and she doesn’t want it anymore, that’s the exact moment the sex should end. Anything further than that is rape, the law is very clear on that. Imagine going to prison for unsuccessful orgasm and incomplete fornication.

So next time a woman is visiting and sits on your bed, do not coerce, do not force, do not manipulate, do not struggle. There is no pleasure in having sex with a person who doesn’t want it. Show restraint and let it go.

Be a gentleman at all times, walk into the bathroom and have a cold shower. You’ll be fine. If she’s ready to leave, walk her to the gate or the junction, just don’t give her transport for wasting your time

Face me I face you will make you understand that aye o pe meji. Let's do a throwback.

1. It’s sometimes called Face Me I slap you due to the incessant fights daily. E ma ja ju. If you don’t fight, someone will fight you. You must fight. "Ta lo gbe omi ti mo pon sibi?" (Ija de).
2. You can never go hungry unless you don’t know your way around. Enter the kitchen at the backyard and start whining who’s cooking. Drop small gist about another neighbor, walahi waa jeun ju. Gbenusi no be atenu.

Output - Gbeborun
Input - Food
3. There’s always that man who will claim he has been living in the house before the house was even built. They are always proud of the years they have lived there. They know everyone and when they were given birth to. (Ancestor Tenant)
4. There will be this group of girls living together. They are always at home during the day except at night. Mothers always warn their children not to enter their room. "Ti mo ba ri e ninu yara awon Anti yen, maa fe lu e daku" but these sisters are always kind. 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️
5. There must be an old woman who settles a fight. Mama of the house. She is always sitting outside monitoring what is happening on the street. In most cases, she's the landlady. They always have nicknames like "Iya Jeje" "Iya Kofewahala" "Iya Cele".
6. There’s always a landlord wannabe whom everyone hates. He acts like the landlord and he’s always like “Don’t pour waste there” “Pay your nepa bill” and "We will lock this gate by 7pm" bla bla. You will think his name is in the Landlord's will but he's a tenant too. Gboromideleru
7. There must be a regular debtor who doesn’t pay his bills on time, he pays January bills by April. Always coming up with excuses. "My mama just die", the same thing he said last year. Ogbontarigi onigbese
8. One rich tenant must be in the house, he will keep buying things his landlord can never afford. He owes small rent but he’s using 4 ACs, 2 deep freezers, 17 flatscreen TVs, and 54 generators. The landlord hates him but he can't send him away because omo buruku lojo tie.
9. There’s always that Single Aunty who is neat. She will be between 35 to 40 years, speaks good English, and doesn’t like to mingle with other women in the house. (Children call her Aunty). It is the day you look for her trouble you will know that werey wa nle.
10. Every Face Me I face you comes with a fight merchant who can fight till tomorrow. Always representing home and away (Street Fighter). Fijabi igboro 🙌. She will always come home with torn singlets. Werey tun ti lo ja. Everyone in the compound fears her. Even her parents.
11. Nepa bill fight ✅, waste bill fight ✅, rent increment fight ✅, I entered the bathroom before you fight ✅, you poured water at my doorstep fight ✅, you beat my child fight ✅, you sent my child on an errand fight ✅, you talked about me behind my back fight
your wife beat my wife fight ✅, you are dating my husband fight ✅, you used my water fight ✅
At least, 16 fights per month. Tenanté de WWE 🙌.

12. There’s this big boy who brings different girls home, fine room. Always disturbing everyone with loudspeakers
13. There’s always a Gbeborun-General of the whole house. She sees everything, knows everything, and gossips about everything. The moment you hear "shey e ti gbo", just know you are getting served. Her name is always mentioned during every fight. Olofofo
14. Every morning, parents spend 5 hours bath one child outside. These boys are strong. I no dey bath, na by force
15. Sunday meetings are always like this. The landlord is on the high table and everyone keeps ranting and ranting. After 465 suggestions, the landlord won't do any. No item 7 sha o.
16. Every house has that woman that can send children on errands ehn. All the children dislike her. The moment she enters the passage or calls a name, the children will run into their rooms and act like they are asleep. She will never go anywhere herself afi bi afishe.
17. So far it's a Face Me I face you in Bariga, you will always see this tanker every month. Awon kogbe kogbe. The entire street will smell for days but o ti mo wa lara.
18. There's always a woman who uses songs to insult people during any fight. These people can be very talented. She will use songs to insult and kickstart a fight. Tope Alabi from the Devil's kingdom