All this "mental illness" talk na wa o!

A woman is not happy in her marriage and is nagging the beJesus out of her husband and a man who is confused about the situation and some people are calling her a "mad".

That means a lot of married women in Nigeria are mentally ill naw.

My opinion,she's just showing her true self which op never saw (or refused to see) during courtship.

@OP,hang in there o! Marriage is for better for "worst" . Maybe its you who will eventually need mental treatment by the time she's done with you.

I'll forever love the powerful scent of Terre'd Hermes on him.

chaircover: I believe this is the point at which this thread was moved to the family section

Brother, I am assuming that if you are both in your forties, you have been married for long and so I want you to look at it this way . . you either maintain your car or it breaks down, you either maintain your gen or it starts smoking and becomes less efficient until one day it breaks down, you do environmental every month or your gutters will be full of dirt and mosquitoes breed like hell . . . .basically everything that you want to work well and not disappoint you when you need t most needs maintenance. Are you getting me??

Your wife needs to be reminded on how much you love her and how important and special she is to you. No point keeping that love in your head or your heart . . you have to show it to her. No good just pounding every night. She is giving you sexx but not lovemaking and you both need to get back to lovemaking and to rediscover each other.

The problem is maybe due to our culture we are too rigid when it comes to showing our spouses love. We assume that they know. The only people I see holding hands in Ngeria are youngsters. I rarely see older couples in the market together or on the beach together throwing a ball and having fun. You have to invest into your relationship or it just dies. You were a couple before the children came and life should not just revolve round the children now.

We are also too busy with irrelevant things. Today is Saturday and everyone is at someone else's event while their homes are breaking apart. Must you go to your colleagues daughters wedding in Ijebu? Last week you were in your neighbors brothers birthday party in Ondo. Next week is your tailors mothers burial in Ilesha. Meanwhile you work in a bank and dont get back home during the week until 9pm. When then do you spend quality time with your spouse?

First things first, go and draw up an itinerary and pencil in things and places to go with your wife. . . restaurants, weekends away, places to visit, things to do together such as going to the spa, beach, touristy attractions such as whispering palms etc. spend quality time together but dont ask her for sex at this point, but be romantic and dont forget to touch her and tell her nice things. reawaken the relationship. Listen to her and try and get involved in her life,so for example when she puts on new shoes etc make a comment. Ask her about her job/biz and offer suggestions. There is nothing wrong in even meeting her for lunch and going out together or sending her gifts to work etc.

Think back to all those things that you used to do when you were courting and do that and even more if you can

Women are not like men and when things are not right in a relationship or themselves, lovemaking is affected. As for the blue films, I wouldn't advise that because you are basically telling her indirectly that if she doesn't play ball, you have an other option and you are also not getting to the bottom of the problem.

Your wife is not frigid, you just haven't switched her on emotionally. Did you know that the older the woman becomes, the higher her libido goes. So if at 40 your wife is not feeling you, then there is something wrong somewhere.

Of course your wife has some blame because rather than keeping you guessing and switching off, she should have opened her mouth and told you where you were lacking and what her needs are, and when you both find your feet again, its something that you should both discuss about being able to communicate with each other

You may also want to consider professional marriage counseling to help you both get back on track. All the best. Thats all.

Now this is an advice from a MATURE person,not all those childish scribbles above.
Spot on Madam CC.

@ OP,so ihea nine di gi n'obi?
Well done. All I can say is marriage is practical,not theory and until you get into it,you can't really understand it.

Nice write up though! When is the book coming out?

Woged2005:

Not at all. I am not criticising. Who am I to criticize? I am nobody. my criticisms wont even get beyound my door. I wrote that thread because each time I open FB, everybody's wall is full of bible quotes, sermons, and moral instructions, etc and these are mostly by Nigerian friends. Friends from other countries don't post a lot of religious stuff...and I know these friends well, how they live their lives... I don't want to say anything on Nairaland sha..u get the point.

Exactly. Those same people on facebook will come under aliases on nairaland and pour out their fraustration,telling us how miserable they are.

Personally,I think its a peer thing. Some men do cheat because they see other guys including their parents cheat on their spouse and the society keeps quiet.

Another reason might be this illussion that something will happen to their "manly" existence if they do not have sex for sometime. I'd like to know if lack of sex has any negative effect on a normal human being.

Then most importantly,we need to be fair when talking about issues concerning divorce. A woman/man has every right,both legally or biblically to sue to divorce if infidelity is involved. For those who wants to start quoting the bible,remember that the same bible says am man shall leave his father and mother (and) girlfriend and cleave to his wife and they shall become one. And also the vows taken in the presence of God and man should be respected.

The day any party plays away match,the marriage is as good as done. Then either party has every right to call it quits.

And lastly,the day we have strict laws concerning divorce settlement whether or not there are children involved,where the man stands the risk of losing at least half of what he's worth on earth,men will think twice before they disrespect their wives.

My2kobo!!

I remember the previous tread JK raised on abuse and was quite relived when it was closed.

I'd say the same faceless goons who caused it's closure are creeping out here. And trust me,the moments posters like Debrief and Cotton type one response,all dem "e-abusers" will decend on this thread.

Bia poster,

Who will now marry the "after 2" that you dumped since you want "tear rubber chic"?

I bet you married her a "vagin" also.
Mr timber and calibre..

Ever wondered why the former wife left? You need to learn to love yourself gurl. From your story,I seriously doubt you do.

Jeehova!!
How do you survive the cold nights without the strong hands of your nigg@ around you? @ poster. You dey try. I for don kolo mehn! For God's sakes you married him,and for 12 years,you just endured his presence and even stole a few shows outside your matrimony.

IMO,your marriage have what most Naija marriages lack,friendship'. Its now left for you to work on the sexx part.
Whatever it was the dude did to you over 12 years ago,I think he's paid for it in full. Its time to start enjoying your marriage.
I feel bad that I just saw this topic now,my bobo took me clubing last night and we got home by 3 and he guy no gree me sleep. So I slept all day.

Nne!! You are missing a lot o! Get your grove on before you age unexpectedly.
Gbam!!

I hate hearing these rubbish about a man"getting it elsewhere". Have you seen a 9months pregnant woman before? Looks like something about to pop and you can't control your damn hormones? Instead you want to "get it elsewhere". Well,be my guest. After the baby comes we'll settle that score.

Its this kind of husband that will go on a skirt chasing rampage when the wife gives birth with the stwepid excuse that "she got fat".

Arrant madness. Isi mebie kwa unu!!

OP,open your eyes and read what am about to write.

Never,I repeat,never ignore your intuition. If your mind tells you something is wrong,it probably is.

I believe you did just the registry thingy,well,you are married. I'll advice you to annul,and start your relationship all over again.

Marriage is more serious than those stuff you outlined. If you are having those feelings now,after the pomp and pagentry of the wedding ceremony,they will still be there.

You have time now to think about the step you are about to take to save yourself and the lady a lifetime of unhappy marriage.

A word is enough...

What's the big deal?
BTW,great post@ Greatgod. I also got hooked at 30. Years after graduation. Mine was I had to wait till hubby travelled to school and back. I never felt left out,instead I used the time to sharpen my baking and catering skills.
Everyone has their appointed time. There's no race when it comes to marriage. The important thing is to end up with YOUR own partner.
The lady should occupy herself and time with useful things,her man will soon come and sweep her off her feet (if there's anything like that).

Nah. Nothing of such. I give him space to watch all the CNNs and Cartoon channels he can watch then moves to watch the movies on his laptop. While I take over the TVdom with my Food channel and TLC. I never miss cake boss,ace of cakes,charlies cake angels,cooking for real..etc. Its peacefull remote co-existence for us.

Rubbish.
@David,you get time.
I would have commented but y'all need to open a thread pertaining to the crap you are discussing. But this is a different topic corrupted my shallow and materialistic posts.

I dey go church. Enjoy your virtual vanities.

Jeezus! When did this thread degenerate to this?

What happened to the lady feeding fat on her 'hubby's' saliva,biko nu??

Can we get back to the tafia of the thread and leeave this six figure,one figure yarn abeg..

Yes. We ALWAYS eat together. Except weekday breakfast because he has to leave early for work. But dinner,most definitely.

Thank you to everyone who mentioned safelove in a positive manner.

Like I said,I'm not under any kind of pressure. Not from self or from family. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports me in everyway.

Like someone said,God's time is the best.

Yes o,gg2012. A big Amen to that. Thanks a bunch.

Yep. Its hard. I will be 3years in marriage by may next year.I won't say its been all rosy,but I try not put myself under any kind of pressure. The only pressure I get (though mild) is from my friends who have kids already.

But having checked and comfirmed myself ok,medically,I have total and complete faith in the Most high.

Meanwhile,my hubby is my baby for now. Lolss.

chiboy1928: why u dey brag for nairaland now,abi u want me to expose u,no be u way I see for yaba left way they wash plate for iya sikira way dey sell amala and iyan wit ewedu abeg make u no make me talk again oh u hear!

No be lie..lolss. At least you didn't say am a man posing as female. Nyways. Merry Christmas.

Kzinne: u married a rich guy yet just last month u posted a topic where u were looking for a self contain to rent in yaba. na wa for u oh

Ode! Am sure that's not all you saw. Like I said I run my own(catering) business and I have staff I take care of their welfare for my business convinience.

And let me put it to you that I have benefitted a lot from NL in terms of patronage. This season alone I made nothing less than 3m from catering for companies.

NB in case you have a self contain I yaba,I still need one,cos I still have some staff I need to accomodate.

I don't even know why am replying you.

chiboy1928: it obvious u develop more when u find out he was from a rich home,but let be honest if dt money happens to vanish u will surely change and dat love won't be they and you no the truth let not decive ourself.u are so close more to him jst because of the money dt just d trutH girl.

My dear,
Theirs wasn't the 'vanishing' kind of money,and certaily wasn't the 'changing' kind of love.
If it was,somehow,we would have had enough within five years of dating. Don't you think?
Besides my dad isn't particularly a pauper.

It wasn't just the wealth,it was the influence and yes,it did challenge me a bit.

I knew if I had to be with this 'rich kid' whom I was so much in love with,I had to work hard to meet up. And I did. He graduated with a first class and I left school with a 2.1.
I earned the respect of his family.

He's gainfully employed in a reputable company and I run my own business. That's another way I earned their respect.

I knew from the begining that I had to earn my place in the family if I wanted to be with him, and you know what,I have.

Rubbish!
So if a girl falls in love with a guy from a rich background she should dump him and go for a poor stuggling guy so that the marriage will last abi?

Arrant nonsense. My husband is from a very rich background and we met on my first day in the university of Lagos,Akoka. I was already head over heels in love with him before I discovered just how influential his family is. When I say influential,I mean big time old money.

We dated for five years and have been married for two years and I don't see thing that will pull us apart. We are still as tight as hand and glove.

I used myself as example because,money and riches do not decide who you love. Its the sincerity of your heart that matters.

Hello
Do you have a Lagos Contact address or phone number? Let's talk business.

Stewpid people.
You guys should continue displaying your ignorance by celebrating xmas light that won't stay longer than next week while the contractor/decorator (ibidun Ajayi and co) smile to the banks with tens of millions of Lagos state money for buying christmas light.

Apart from screaming 'eko oni baje' and stopping to take pictures of the xmas light,what else do you gain from it.

I agree the decorations are pretty but its the sweat of every tax payer in Lagos (yoruba or non-yoruba) that was spent on it.
Nice job Elizabeth R!

Chai!! You were probably dumped for a rich kid this year.
Well,please work harder next year,who knows,you might just hammer and find a girl to marry you. Lazy,insecure thing.

The only thing left for the OP to post is the Accra Mall,which is like a mecca of sort to Ghanaians.

There's really nothing else to Accra,its all hype.

Location?

Hello,if you are in need of a flat mate (decent,female,single and employed). Location should be anywhere along Lekki express way not beyond Ajah.Budget,120k.
If you have any kindly leave your number and I will get back to you.
NB:room should be ensuite.

The truth is that most marriages in NIGERIA are not based on love. I mean real emotional love. I can't keep malice for more that 30mins with my husband when I know how much he means to me.
If a man truly loves his wife,sees her as the apple of his eyes,I doubt if he'll find pleasure seeing her suffer emotionally because of his silence towards her.
I'm the one who does the malice keeping at home,and whatever the situation between us,I always look forward to having him home always and most times we forget the cause of the "malice" sef!!. I haven't seen,pray not to see what will make either of us keep malice for more than one day.. I don't know what I'll do o.
We know that marriage involves a lot of things,but being at peace with yourself and your spouse makes the journey a bit easier. Abi naw!!